Some Things Matter More
by Frass
Summary: Picks up where 'Cupid Can Kiss My Ass' left off.
1. Doesn't Suck To Be Me

Chapter 1- Doesn't Suck To Be Me

Author's note: This one's for my Boo.

"Faith, are you coming with me later?"

Does she expect a real answer? I mean, she leaves these opportunities wide open for me, how can I resist?

"Hey, _pervert_, I know you're thinking of at least a dozen ways you can answer that question, but all I need is one. Then I can scoff and you can laugh and we can move on to your real answer."

"How do you know I was thinkin' perverted thoughts, B? I might have been thinkin' of my schedule for today. Goin' through the calendar on my Outlook. Ya know?" I act all innocent and hurt.

She snorts all knowingly, "How do I know you're thinking perverted thoughts?" She starts using her fingers to count each point. "Because today is a day that ends in 'Y'. I saw that little smirk you had on your face, it's the naughty thoughts smirk. You love to turn _anything_ I say into sexual innuendo. The only time anything is scheduled on your outlook calendar is when Giles sends you a meeting invite that you haven't deleted yet..."

I hold a hand up to stop her, "Ok, ok, smartass. What time do ya hafta be there?"

"They said by 5:30, so anytime before then is cool."

"And how're we gettin' there?"

"I thought we'd take the subway, no need for the car just to go pick up the tickets."

"Are we patrollin' after the game?"

"No, Giles has Rona and Kennedy on duty tonight."

"Good, I'm glad you told him not to put her with me."

"You're gonna have to deal with her sooner or later Faith. We can't all just draw the short straw because she gets under your skin."

"Well, I didn't mean that I wouldn't patrol with her ever again, I just didn't wanna do it so soon."

Buffy steps up and draws the shower curtain back. I don't know why, it's not like she can't see me, we have one of those see-through curtains. She pulls me out from under the shower spray and water goes rushin' to the floor. I'm about to complain when I see the look in her eyes.

"I can't stand watching all that water cascade down your body and not do something about it." She growls before pulling me into a heated but wet kiss. Suddenly, the kiss is broken and I'm shoved back into the shower and the curtain is roughly pulled closed. Buffy's already out outta the room when I regain my bearings.

That horn dog, it must be a week before her period. She always gets that way the week before. Damn! I better get in double-sex overtime for the next week, because I'll be goin' solo for a few days once the red tide is in. Ms. Tightly Wound doesn't like to do _anything_ durin' her period.

She's all, 'Ick, Faith. No, don't even think about it. Ewwwwwwwwww!'

And it's not like I'm even askin' to go down on her, I just wanna give her a handjob, help ease the cramps and the bitchiness a little and get a lil' love in return. But all I get is 'No'.

Oh well, her loss. I finish shampooin' my hair and marvelin' at her weird ways.

After I'm done, I go into the bedroom and Buffy's gettin' dressed, she already took her shower. I wish she'd have waited for me. I love our shower time together.

"You're sure you don't mind Will and Xander coming with us? I mean they're your tickets."

The radio station's prize was 4 tickets, not just the two I thought it was. That's pretty fuckin' sweet.

"Nah, not at all, B. Who else am I gonna ask? Andrew?"

"Not unless you wanna sit there explaining why the ball is orange, what pattern they used for the net and why they can't play 'keep away' until the last second and win by 'one basket'."

I chuckle. "I take it you watched a game with him."

"Not me. Xander. We heard about the whole thing in detail the next day."

"Xander's a freakin' saint. I can't believe he let Andrew move in with him. I'd hang myself after the first Star Trek marathon."

Buffy stops foolin' with her bracelet and looks up. "Don't even joke about that kind of thing Faith, somehow these things have a way of becoming true, and I just couldn't stand that."

"What me hangin' myself?"

"No, him moving in here."

She runs out of the room before I have a chance to throw a pillow at her.

"You better run, Princess!"

I finish gettin' dressed while Buffy's in the kitchen makin' coffee.

"Sweety, I'm gonna go get the mail downstairs, I'll be right back!"

"Ok, babe!"

I go into the kitchen and pour the coffee into our mugs, I realize I have this goofy grin on my face. Things have just been going so well these last few months. Topped off by my proposal to Buffy two days ago on Valentine's Day.

There used to be a time when all this would scare the livin' shit out of me and I would ruin it on purpose so I didn't have to wait for the day that it would all go down the shitter.

I still get moments of doubt, but I've learned not to let them rule my life. I realize after almost two years Buffy actually does love me, she's not just pretending so she can dump me and get the ultimate revenge.

Don't fuckin' laugh. That horrible thought had my stomach in knots for the first six months. I drove her nuts with always questionin' why she loved me.

One day she just flat out said:

"Faith, you ask me why I love you and all I can tell you is this. For the first time in years I've been able to breathe again, and I didn't know it but I still had a death wish. Nothing was ever as good as it was in heaven or wherever I was when I died. Being in love with you, I haven't had that same wish to die. To protect people yes, but not to hope that a vamp or demon would get a lucky break one day so that I could go back to wherever that was. I know this is hard for you to believe, but I love you. I. Love. You. Faith. With all that I am. I can't think of any other way to make you believe or accept that, other than beating the snot out of you. But if that's what it's gonna take then let's go."

And she got in a fightin' stance. After that day my fears subsided and I started to really enjoy bein' with her. I wasn't always thinkin' of when or how the shit would hit the fan.

I still get that feelin' of waitin' for the other shoe to drop, especially when things are goin' really, really good, like now. But I get through 'em.

Buffy comes in with the mail and I look around the wall of the kitchen. She's lookin' at a letter and has an adorable frowny face. Probably some bill she thought she paid.

"Everything alright, B?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. This letter came for you, it looks like it was forwarded to an address in Boston, then to the Old Council's address in England and finally here. God that's weird. It was mailed over a month ago."

"Who's it from?"

"Do you know a Dee Gennaro?"

Oh shit. I think I heard that other shoe just drop.

How could I feel blindsided by this? I was just thinkin' how things can suddenly turn to shit, and now I'm surprised that it's headin' south.

I play it off. I don't want to think about what that letter could be sayin'.

"Not that I can remember. Probably someone I pissed off. Could be an old high school friend tellin' me how she's all married now and has ten rugrats. I'll open it later."

Buffy's eyes narrow, she can smell the bullshit from a mile away. But the thing about her that works so well with me is she doesn't press, she knows eventually I'll come clean, but that I need a while to process stuff on my own. Don't get me wrong though, she'll be hurt my first instinct was to lie to her, and I really have to stop doin' that.

I don't know why that's my first reaction. It's like a defense mechanism I can't fuckin' get rid of.

"Here's your coffee, honey." I put the sugar in my voice and smile a sweet dimpled smile.

She's so gonna kick my ass in about a day.

"Thanks," She comes into the kitchen and accepts the mug I have held out to her. "Mmmm, coffee." She's got that yummy look on her face and I get a delicious feelin' in my stomach. The heat I feel is slowly travelin' south and I better stop starin' 'cause I'm gettin' myself in trouble here and if I try to make a move on B she's gonna kick my ass even harder later.

"Ok, so, plan is?"

"We go to see Giles, he's the only one we haven't talked to about our engagement. I want to tell him face to face. We should do some training while we're there. Will and Xander said they'd meet us downtown at the station when we pick up the tickets and we can go to the restaurant together."

"Sounds good. What time's the tip-off?"

She just blinks at me and I chuckle.

"What time's the game start?"

"Oh, they said at 8."

"Awesome, this is gonna be such a great day!" I pull her into a hug. "Thanks so much, B!" I kiss her and go to put on my boots.

I make sure to take the letter with me and put it in the inner pocket of one of my jackets. I just can't deal with it now.

"I'm very happy for the both of you. Any idea when you'll have the ceremony?"

"Not yet, we haven't really talked about all that." Buffy looks at me nervously.

I smile at her and wink.

"Probably in a year or so, make sure we have all our ducks in a row. We're gonna need to have a big shindig. If that's what B wants, o'course. It's her day."

"Why isn't it your day, too?"

"'Cause you've been probably dreamin' of this day forever, B. I never thought I'd ever be in a relationship let alone one that would lead to marriage, so I don't have any dreams."

"You haven't had any dreams about what you'd like _our_ day to be like when we got married since we've been together?" Her voice is raisin' an octave.

Uh oh. I forget sometimes that Buffy is a total girl and would be thinkin' of this stuff all the time. Except when she's kickin' demon ass o'course.

Giles clears his throat and removes his glasses. He has an awkward smile on his face and looks like he's tryin' come up with something to help diffuse the situation.

Time to do some damage control.

"Well, I was just sayin' that you'll probably have ideas that you've wanted to put into play for a long time. I'll help you plan it B and it's _gonna_ be _our_ day, but I'm not gonna have any kinda beautiful ideas that you'd have. Ya get me?"

"Yeah, I do." Her face is softer and she leans forward in her chair to give me a kiss. "So we'll start planning soon."

Phew, I feel like I just dodged a cannonball.

"Yep. I might have an idea or two on the color of the bridesmaids dresses." I hope I come up with somethin' before she calls me on it.

"Oh, really?" She looks impressed. "Just so long as it's not green, Xander's were green and we all know what happened there."

I chuckle and give her a quick kiss. I glance over at Giles and he looks grateful that there wasn't an argument.

"Should we train?"

"Yes, perhaps it would be best if you two got in a spot of training. I've procured some new weapons I'd like to get your opinion on."

"New weapons!? That's kick ass!!"

Buffy rolls her eyes. "Are you gonna be that excited about planning our wedding?"

"Yeah, 'specially if there's weapons."

"What would a Slayer's wedding be without them?" Buffy says sarcastically.

We get in a couple hours of training. Giles showed us the weapons and taught us how they could best be used. Damn they were fuckin' off the chain! I can't wait to get a chance to use 'em. Of course we have to train with 'em a few more times before he'll let us take 'em into the field. God forbid we use 'em incorrectly.

I wonder if he's always had that giant stick up his ass. I mean we've heard about Ripper and stuff, but how could you go from bein' totally badass and rebellious to bein' an old grandma type?

I try to picture myself with glasses, drinkin' tea and with a book permanently attached to the end of my nose. I just don't see it.

It's 4:30 and we're waitin' downtown for Will and Xander outside the radio station. We could just go in and get the tickets but Xander wanted to meet the people from the station.

He probably knows he might see me punch that DJ dude in the throat for pervin' on B. He likes watchin' the fights, it's almost like wrestlin' or that American Gladiator shit to him.

I don't know if I'll do anything to the DJ. We'll just hafta see what kinda shit he says.

I look over and see Buffy shiver and pull her closer to me.

"Should we wait in the lobby, baby?"

"Good idea, let me call Will and tell her we'll be inside."

I'm kinda disappointed because I'd rather snuggle all close with her, but I don't want her to suffer out here just because I'm mega horny. That training at Giles' got me really worked up, what else is new right? B and I were gettin' hot and heavy in the shower we took together, but then she noticed she could hear others through the wall, full on body blushed and that was the end of that.

We walk around the lobby lookin' at the pictures of celebrities that have been to the station and stuff and then take a seat on the couch. Buffy snuggles in close to me and I'm so happy I'm grinnin' like a motherfucker.

We're goin' to see a basketball game!! Celtics vs. the Knicks. There's just so much about today that's fuckin' awesome.

We don't have to patrol later, we're gonna go to a nice restaurant before the game, Kennedy's not here, B promised she wouldn't fall asleep before we got to take care of the hornies and I get some snuggles while we wait for the Wonder Twins. I could skip and do a jig, but I'm not a total loser so I don't.

"Hi guys!" Willow says all breathlessly. Buffy jumps up and rushes over to her and they hug like they didn't just see each other yesterday.

Fuckin' cracks me up.

"Xander!!" I rush over to him and pick him up in a big bear hug like he was my long lost brother.

He starts gigglin' like a girl and gets all swoony, immediately understandin' and playin' along with my joke. "Faith, dear heart! How long has it been my sweet? Since 8 o'clock yesterday?! Tell me sweetheart, tell me we'll never leave it so long to glance upon each other, ever, ever again!"

I put him down and hold him at arms length. "No, never, my one-eyed stallion!" The penis implication wasn't lost on him and he chuckles like Beavis.

I'm about to do a Butthead laugh when I feel a smack at the back of my head and let go of Xander to rub at where my man handlin' woman hit me. I turn to her and she and Willow are glarin' at us.

Willow comes over to me and gives me a hug while Buffy goes to do the same to Xander.

"Oooh, Will. This hug is gettin' me all worked up. You sure your girl won't mind?"

She tightens her arms around me and fuck if she isn't squeezin' the breath out of me. Damn mojo, she's usin' it to increase her strength.

Before she can pop me like a grape I manage to gasp out, "Got it, uhhh huhhh, Red. No huhhhh makin' fun huuuuh of huuu-hugs."

She eases up on the squeezin' and then gives me a lingerin' kiss on the cheek. I look over at B with raised eyebrows and she's got a huge grin on her face that says 'Don't mess with my witch-y best friend who's happy that we're engaged.' I smile back at her and she knows I get it.

We talk a lot with facial expressions, it's funny but I guess it's just instinct. I can look over at her and know exactly what she's thinkin' and she can do the same to me.

But the difference between us is sometimes she's able to hide her true thoughts from me. I can't do that with her. I've tried and it just ends up really bad for me 'cause she knows I lied. Sucks.

After our re-acquaintance scene we tell the receptionist we're ready to go pick up our tickets and she dials someone up on the phone.

About 5 minutes later some chubby blonde guy comes into the lobby all smiles. I have to admit he looks kinda cute.

Like a big teddy bear with skin.

"Are you Buffy?" He asks Willow.

"Nope," She says slightly embarrassed. "Sh-she is." She points to B and the DJ redirects his attention.

"Wow, you're a cutie! Boy, if I wasn't married and you weren't engaged, oh the possibilities!" He cracks himself up as he reaches out to shake her hand. "I'm Tanker."

The fuck kinda name is "Tanker"? Probably 'cause he's built like a tanker truck.

He spots me as he's shakin' B's hand like it's a limb on a money tree. "And whoah, ho, ho...this must be Faith!"

I nod and extend my hand.

"Well darlin', I can see why Buffy'd want to win those tickets for ya." He winks and I squeeze his hand a little hard. What can I say? I'm cheap like that. His eyes go a little wide and whatever else pervy he was about to say just died on his lips. "Who are your friends?" He smiles and clears his throat nervously.

"That's Willow, and Xander. Our best friends." I finally let go of his hand and he shakes it out. B glares and I give her my innocent shrug that says 'What? He's a wuss, that my fault?'

"Nice to meet you both." He shakes their hands gingerly. I must have squeezed too hard. That'll fuckin' teach him. If you could see my lip it's in a definite pout 'cause B's all dissaprovin'.

I'm such a baby sometimes.

"C'mon, I'll take you up to meet Sheri. She and I waited to meet you guys. So did most of our crew. We were just so taken with your story, it's really great to hear that kinda thing these days." He babbles as we make our way up to their studio.

He opens the door for us and immediately I see some older blonde chick. She's really good lookin', I'm stunned.

"Sheri, here are Faith and Buffy!" Tanker announces us like we're guests on Jay Leno.

Sheri is impressed with us, you can tell. She's like an open book. Right off the bat I can tell she's in a relationship that's goin' no where. And I can also tell she's curious.

I put my arm around Buffy as Sheri comes up to us.

"Very nice to meet you both!" She shakes B's hand and then looks over to me. I can see a hint of a blush on her face.

She digs me.

Well ain't that somethin'? I feel B stiffen under my arm, she's not happy but her face doesn't show it at all. Sheri looks at me more fully and turns to shake my hand too. I give her a quick but firm shake, don't wanna be too rude, I hate those handshakes that are like shakin' a dead fish. All limp and shit.

"It's so nice to finally meet both of you." Ya said that already, Sheri. Nervous much? "We were buzzing about your story for the last couple of days, you're like celebrities around here now." She smiles with a hint of shyness.

Must be our slayer presence she feels, I wonder if she knows about slayers. Maybe her sister's one or somethin'. There's a thought.

They introduce us to their crew and for the next hour they show us how the studio works. We get to do our own promos for the radio station. Mine was badass to the core.

_"Hey, whassup? This is Faith and you're listening to the only radio station that doesn't have a DJ in jail for public drunkenness. 92.3 WMOP."_

Buffy's was cute, _"This is Buffy, pause, yes that's my real name. Gosh, rude much? Anyway, you're listening to 92.3 WMOP where the music is hot and the talk is cheap. __**Very**__ cheap."_

I doubt they'll be used for anything, but it was cool that they let us do that. They played 'em back for us and Buffy was blushin' as red as a tomato and sayin' her voice sounded stupid.

I sounded like a lunkhead but a wicked sexy lunkhead, so whatever. B thought it was great and that's all that matters.

Finally, they give us our tickets and explain that we're gettin' a luxury box to ourselves.

FUCKIN' SCORE!!

Xander let's out a whoop and an air punch and I pick him up and twirl him while doin' a jig, then I throw him up in the air and catch him a couple of times while he squeals, again, like a little girl. But this time it's for real.

Buffy and Willow look fuckin' mortified. Sheri, Tanker and the crew look like Jesus came back and walked on the water in the huge aquarium they have in the studio.

I let Xander down and we bow our heads sheepishly.

Fuck man, I'm such a dork sometimes.

Oh whatever, this is fuckin' HUGE! I skip over to B, grabbin' her hand and swingin' it happily. She loves when I act all excited, she was just worried at my display of strength in front of strangers.

"You must work out," Tanker says with a grin and an impressed wink. "Like every waking minute." He gets this intense look on his face.

I blow it off.

"Faith was exposed to radioactive Goop as a kid. She's like the Hulk." Xander jokes. Willow punches him in the arm.

After a few more awkward looks Buffy saves the day.

"You said something about taking pictures?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot! C'mon gather round, we'll take pictures for our wall."

After the pictures and promises to keep in touch we leave the studio.

We've got reservations at a nice Steakhouse at 6:30. It's not too fancy but it is really popular, so we don't have to dress up but you do hafta call ahead.

It's too cold to walk so we squeeze into a cab and Buffy hangs on to me for dear life. She'll never get used to NYC cabs. Bein' this close to B and all warm and still horny is messin' with me.

She forgets about her fright long enough to catch the look on my face.

"Later, baby, ok?" She whispers into my ear and that doesn't help my situation.

"When later, like now?" I grin.

"Awwwwww, look at how much in love they are." Willow gushes. "It's soooooo cute!"

Buffy grins at her friend but I can tell she's tryin' not to play our happiness up too much because she knows that Red and Ken are still havin' problems. They haven't said anything to me and I think it's because they know if I find out somethin' like Ken cheated her ass is grass.

"Thanks, Will. I don't think Faith likes to be thought of as cute though."

"Oh, but she is, soooooo soooooooo CUTE." Willow's makin' fun now. Witchy Bitch. Heh. It's ok, I like her so she gets a pass.

"Yeah like a fluffy bunny!" Xander says and then everyone goes quiet. They're thinkin' about Anya. Didn't really know the chick but I know Xander is still broken up about her.

I try to lighten the mood. "I'm about as fluffy as a lizard."

Buffy takes my hand in hers and rubs it. "Your skin does get scaly when you don't moisturize."

And just like that we're back to jokin' and ribbin' on each other. Sweet.


	2. Showtime at the Garden

Chapter 2- Showtime At the Garden

"Damn, that was some good eats!" I say as we hail another cab.

I'm not too full, just in case that luxury box has some more food, I've never been in one but I've heard they're pretty stocked.

We get to the Garden and Willow's all awestruck, she's never been inside it. It's round when most people think it would be square because of the name. Fuckin' New York, always gotta be different. I love it though. Shhhh don't tell.

As we make our way to the luxury box the staff seems to know who we are.

"Buffy and Faith?" The attendant says.

"Yes," B hands over the tickets. "and these are our friends Willow and Xander."

"Wonderful. There's food and drinks inside, help yourself. I'll be in the attendant's room right next door, all you have to do is ring for me and I'll get you whatever you need. There's also a restroom inside, no need to come out here to use the facilities."

Wow, we're all impressed, especially with the view of the court. I thought it might be too high up to see, but it's almost like we're suspended right above it. Plus, there are two big screen T.V.'s on either side of the box.

Xander skips over to the fully stocked bar.

"We've got alchohooooool!" He sing-songs.

"What the...? Who let Andrew in here?" I joke and he laughs. I notice all the booze and get excited, too. "Shit dude, we could get fuckin' tore up in this mug."

"You best check yo'self befo you wriggity wriggity wreck yo'self...fool." Willow sounds like the whitest of the white girls while sayin' that, it's too fuckin' funny.

I look at her like she's crazy and she gets all embarrassed. "I just meant you shouldn't get too drunk."

"Yeah, 'cause drivin' drunk in the backseat of a cab could be totally fuckin' dangerous."

"Frog wouldn't look good on you, Faith. You _best_ 'step off'. Now." She glares.

Buffy steps in between us as Willow and I pretend to circle around each other for a luxury box fight.

Finally, we crack up and sandwich B in for a bear hug. Xander comes up behind Willow and gets in on the huggin' action. Suddenly, we hear cheerin' and laughin' and I look at the TV in the box and can see us all hugged up. They've got a camera on us. The caption says "Winners of the WMOP Valentine's Day contest."

They probably think we're swingers.

"Uh guys, I think we're on candid camera."

"Gaaah! We're on TV!!" Xander jumps back.

Willow gives a little wave and B's fixin' her hair.

"You look fine, beautiful. Just smile and wave."

"Like the Queen."

"How come you keep bringin' up Andrew?"

We laugh and finally the camera bothers someone else in the crowd.

All of a sudden the arena goes dark and hip hop music starts blarin' out of the sound system.

"Are you ready NY?!" The announcer yells over the intercom. The crowd is goin' fuckin' apeshit and the strobe lights are twirlin' all over the place. "I said are you ready NY!?"

More apeshit yellin' and cheerin' from the crowd.

I've never seen anything like it. Well, except for that time my Uncle John took me to see the Ringling Bros. circus at the Boston Garden. I had a special flashlight that hung around my neck that he bought me from the souvenir stand. Sometime durin' the show the Master of Ceremonies or Ring Leader or somethin' asked us to twirl our flashlights and I was fuckin' stunned at the lightshow we created. It made me feel like I was a part of somethin'.

That makes me think of B and I look over at her and her eyes are just as big as mine are takin' it all in.

I love her so fuckin' much that it feels like I'm gonna die when I look at her sometimes. She finally looks at me and cracks the fuck up.

She's just noticed the huge clover that I have on my head. The radio station must have put these in here for me after I told them I was a Boston fan. There's some Knick hats in here too, just in case the others are Knicks fans.

They've covered all the bases.

"Oh baby, that hat looks totally adorable on you." Buffy says loudly close to my ear.

"I know, right?! These are fuckin' cool as shit." I say back. We can hardly hear each other even bein' so close. I bet if you went to a game almost every night you'd probably be deaf after a while.

"Here are your 2008 Newwwww Yooooooooork Kniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiickssssssssssssss!!"

Again the crowd erupts into a frenzy and the lights are still goin', I notice there's smoke billowin' out near the sides of the court and they have lights with the Knick colors trained on it so the smoke's all colorful.

My heart feels full, I don't know why shit like this makes me feel like cryin' but it does. Always has. I especially tear up on the Fourth of July. Don't fuckin' say _anything_.

Buffy notices the look on my face and hugs me close to her. "I'm so happy, baby. I love you Faith."

I pull back a little and can't help but layin' a deep kiss on her. We break apart when the music stops and the lights come back up. They're introducin' the Celtics.

I go to the front of the box and I'm cheerin' and yellin' my head off. Some people are booin' and they're lucky I don't have my fuckin' crossbow here.

It's ok cause they're just upset that their precious Knicks suck. B's tellin' a guy near our box to shut the fuck up, except she didn't say 'the fuck' like I would have, and then she's joinin' me at cheerin' and Will and Xander are joinin' in.

Finally, they start to play. B and Will pay attention a bit, but a lot of the time they're talkin' amongst themselves. Me and Xander are mixin' drinks and eatin' the food in between cheerin' and yellin' for my boys.

They're kickin' Knick ass!

Kevin Garnett is out with a knee injury but Paul Pierce and Ray Allen are keepin' the rest of the team in check.

All too soon it's half time, and after the Knick Dancers do their thing, some poor shmo is brought out to try to sink a basket from half court for 500,000. Shit, sign me up, I could do that blindfolded.

The atmosphere in our booth is relaxed and happy, we're all havin' such a good time, no skeletons runnin' around here.

Xander holds up this really big shrimp and starts makin' it talk. He's fuckin' funny, just like always. I'm so glad he and Will agreed to come with us, I'm havin' a blast. And gettin' a little tipsy.

B's had a couple of glasses of wine and I know she must be feelin' it too. She's got that gleam in her eyes that's a little bit horny mixed in with a side of liquored up.

Tonight is gonna be interestin' to say the least.

I go sit next to her as Will and Xander are gettin' their groove on with the Snoopy dance because they're playin' that 'Linus and Lucy' song over the sound system.

"Hey, are you having a good time?" She asks as she snuggles in close to me, I put my arm around her and try to get her closer.

"I'm havin' a fuckin' awesome time, B!"

She smiles big. This girl really loves to see me happy, I can't describe how that makes me feel. It's better than winnin' the lottery.

"I'm glad. You have no idea how much I needed to make forgetting Valentine's Day up to you, I'm hoping this puts a dent in it at least."

"Buffy, you don't need to make up nothin' to me, I told you, if it weren't for you leavin' the alarm on and that Tanker dude sayin' it was Valentine's Day, I would have been in the same boat you were in."

She smiles again and leans in to kiss me, it goes hot and heavy in about a second.

"Hey look! That's Spike Lee!" Xander announces.

Me and B pull apart and stare into each other's eyes. Her chest is heavin' and if I was aware of anything else but her I'm sure I'd realize I was breathin' heavy too.

"Hey, I think that's Dave Chappelle!" He's pointin' to someone else in the crowd. Willow pulls his arm down.

"Xander, it's not nice to point."

"Will my girl," He puts his arm around Willow. "My girl named Will. Hey, wasn't there a movie named that?" Xander's had more than his share of the Long Island Ice Teas I whipped up.

"I think it was called 'My Name is Bill' and it was about the guy who started AA, which is what you're gonna need if you don't lay off the sauce, boozy."

"Awww Will, ya know I love ya. At one point I loved ya enough to suck face with ya behind Cordy's back. Ya wanna do that again?"

That makes me and B look over.

Willow's starin' at him with her mouth open and I think the look on her face sobers him up a little.

"No? How about a thumb wrestle then?"

Willow laughs and shoves him. "You're such a dork, Xand"

"Let's watch the half-time show, Willie. Hey, anyone ever know what happened to that Willie guy?"

She cracks up again and pulls him over to a chair so they can sit and watch the half-time show.

B and I go back to starin' each other in the eyes, we're both on the verge of jumpin' each other's bones, I can feel that delicious anticipation like it's gonna happen any second now.

Buffy has a little more self control than I do and breaks our eye contact in an effort to cool the mood.

"We can't yet, not until we get home." She pants against my lips.

Shit, there's about an hour or so before the game ends. I look over at the door to the rest room and get an idea.

I lean in and whisper in her ear, "Come with me to the can, B."

She chuckles, "Oh, that's so romantic and not at all obvious to our friends as to why we're going in there."

"Girls go to the bathroom in pairs, hell they even go in groups, ya wanna ask Will to join us?"

Buffy slaps my arm, she's gettin' all jealous. "What's with everyone wanting to jump Will's bones tonight?"

"I was only jokin', yours are the only bones I'd like to jump." I look pleadingly into her eyes. "I need you so much right now. I don't think I can make it to the end of the game."

I can feel the shiver go through Buffy, she's feelin' it too, the hunger and the heat.

"Me neither," She finally admits and I can see the intense need in her eyes flare up, "you go in first."

I jump up so fast that it almost knocks her off the couch, and make a b-line for the toilet.

I wait anxiously for about a minute before the door opens and Buffy comes rushin' in. She locks the door behind her and stares at me. Somethin' in me snaps and I jump forward catchin' her in a hungry kiss. I'm fumblin' with her top and almost rip it off when she puts her hands over mine, stoppin' me.

"Calm down, Faith. We only have a little time and you ripping my top to shreds will not be helping nor happening."

Why the fuck is she wastin' our time by talkin'?

She takes my hand, pulls it under her shirt and puts it on her breast over her bra. I moan.

"Baby, you have to be quiet, Willow and Xander will hear." She whispers.

Fuck 'em. I wouldn't care right now if they had this bathroom mic'ed and we were heard over the PA system.

I snap her bra open with my other hand and palm her breast. A jolt of electricity runs straight to my groin and my pussy contracts, makin' me moan again.

Shit, this is hotter than I can ever remember bein' and I have to be careful because my moanin' might have Buffy walkin' out the door all mad. I have to think of somethin' to make me stop moanin'.

She plunges her tongue in my mouth to shut me up. Good, I'm glad at least one of us is thinkin' straight. Ha, well not _straight_ but well, ya know.

I push up Buffy's shirt and bra and lean down to take her nipple in my mouth. It's so hard and pebbled that it looks like she has no aureola, god she's so turned on. I fuckin' love her!

As I'm toungin' and bitin' her nipple lightly, I can hear her moanin' even though she's got her hands over my ears pullin' my face closer to her chest. I reach up with one of my hands and offer her a finger or two to suck, she pulls them into her mouth and my pussy contracts again after another jolt. Fuck I have to have her now!

I stand up and she groans in protest at the loss of my mouth on her tits. I try to lift her up so I can wrap her legs around my waist but she won't give me the leverage I need.

Fuck! Why's she stoppin' me?

"Faith, I need you _so_ bad."

I must have that 'Yeah, I need ya too, so why'd ya stop me?' look on my face.

"I need to be in you, while you're in me." She pleads.

Fuck, that's hot! I calm down enough to let her get the front of my jeans undone, then it's her turn. As soon as that's out of the way we've both got our hands down each other's pants.

God damn, I've never, _ever _needed it this much, and if someone knocks at that door they're gonna get fuckin' slayed.

Fuck, she's so wet and her gasp is lettin' me know that I'm on the right track. I can feel her clit peakin' out between her lips and I know that it got hard because of me. I get a surge of love pangs to the heart again and feel this strong urge to get down on my knees and worship her.

Pinchin' her clit between my thumb and fore finger I rip my mouth away from hers and whisper raggedly into her ear, "I wanna suck it, baby." That has her groanin' and I can feel her clit twitch. The thought of me on my knees suckin' her off has her so hot she can't think right.

"We c-can't...d-don't have time f-for both of us." Ok, so maybe she's thinkin' a little right. I know we can't do that, we have to be quick, efficient and quiet. Head would be slow, messy and loud as fuck.

I growl and move my hand lower to rub the entrance to her hole, "Tell me, baby, tell me." I rest my forehead against hers.

"Put yourself inside me, Faith, please."

Oh god, how am I still conscious?

I rub her clit a couple of times then plunge two fingers into her, her walls immediately suck my fingers in. She lets out a gasp and she moans low in her throat.

I immediately pick up a blindin' rhythm that has her frenzied, we're wedged up against a wall and I briefly wonder if the noise can be heard in the other room. Again, I say fuck 'em, this is about a strong need, not somethin' that can be helped.

B's hand has been in my pants just restin' over my mound, I don't really care that she's not doin' much, I'm gettin' a hell of a lot of satisfaction out of takin' her fast and furious.

Somethin' seems to click in her brain and she plunges three fingers into me.

"Oh, fuck, Buffy!" I yelp as she picks up the pace and she smashes our mouths together to silence my yellin'.

If people could see us they'd see two hot chicks with their pants down slightly passed their hips fuckin' each other for all they were worth. I'm sure the radio station didn't have this in mind when they gave us those tickets.

Or maybe they did, damn, whatever. I'm just glad they gave us this booth. I'd hate to be arrested for public indecency 'cause I was fuckin' B in the stands.

I can feel her walls strongly contract and I know she's right on the edge. I move my mouth off hers and bring it up to her ear. I nibble lightly and suck at her lobe.

"Do it, B. Come for me, c'mon, give me what I want." My voice is so full of need it's unreal. She moans and I know she's not long for this world. I rub my thumb on her clit and feel the fucker almost explode.

She lets out a strangled moan and that's it: She's comin' like a mother fucker with her fingers still in my snatch. I pick up the pace of my thrustin' hips and fuck myself on her fingers. I can feel her walls contract strongly again and I know she's comin' for a second time. I can feel her clit throbbin' and twitchin' and just plain goin' nuts.

"Faith, yessss fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck!" She rasps out. Then I feel her thumb on my clit and she's rubbin' like she wants me to come with her.

Gladly!

I capture her lips in another hungry kiss and moan into her mouth as I come, _hard_.

My hips are pumpin' into hers and it makes her grunt as she sucks on my tongue.

She keeps her thumb on my clit and that coaxes out another good one from deep within me. I'm pressin' so close to her I hope I'm not breakin' any body parts, especially those talented fingers of hers.

Man, I feel like I'm gonna have a fuckin' heart attack; my beats per minute must be un-recordable. I rest my head in the crook of her neck and wait until my breath becomes semi-normal before speakin'. It gives me time for all the crazy thoughts to come floodin' into my mind. I think of some weird shit right after sex.

I used to be ashamed immediately after an orgasm, like God was gonna smite me. Fuckin' cuckoo, dude.

Right now, I think about wantin' to find the person who taught Buffy how to love a woman 'in that way' and give them a big kiss of gratitude. I think she's still in Scotland, Satsimu or somethin'. Heh.

At first I wanted to find her and rearrange her body parts so her arm was comin' out of her ass when I heard that they got together. But now I've learned to appreciate that whole thing, because I doubt there would have been an _us_ without _her_. Doesn't even matter that I wasn't her first.

Well, maybe it matters a little. But some things matter more. Like now.

I feel Buffy's hand strokin' my bicep and I come down from cloud 'crazy thoughts'.

"Jesus Christ, B."

"Baby, w-what was that?" She gasps out.

"Dunno, sweets, I think we just got hit by the 34th Street express."

She laughs and I can feel her chuckles through her snatch where my hand is still buried. Weird when you think about it. I should ask her to cough or somethin', try to detect a hernia.

I gingerly pull out of her and she does the same to me.

We share another steamy kiss and I feel the breeze from the air vent blowin' on my ass. It makes me want to laugh, but Buffy wouldn't get the joke.

Come to think of it, I dunno what the joke would have been about, her kiss and the after affects of the two huge orgasms I had are makin' me lightheaded.

"I think we need to get back out there, Faith." Buffy says as we break for air.

"I know. I'm just waitin' for the feelin' to come back in my legs, don't want to go out there and fall on my fuckin' face."

"I know what you mean." She leans more fully into to me as I lean closer into her.

After we calm down, sort our clothes out, get cleaned up and stuff we decide to leave the bathroom one after the other.

We play rock-paper-scissors to see who gets to go out first. B always starts with scissors and I bust 'em with my rock. I can't believe she hasn't switched that shit up.

"Two outta three, Faith." She really doesn't want to go out there first.

"Nah, don't worry. I'll go out first, you fix your hair and I'll get your bag. Seems some fuckin' douche bag asshole gave you a hickey."

"Faith! Stop putting down my fiancée!"

"Yeah, yeah, you and that precious fiancée of yours." I mumble as I make sure she's ready for me to open the door.

Here goes nothin'.

I slowly open the door, step quietly into the room and then close the door without makin' a sound, don't wanna call attention to myself. I turn around to accept the stares and embarrassed looks from Will and Xand.

Ohhhhh FUCK!!

What I see makes me wanna pass out. I just stand there dumbstruck for a minute as I watch Willow and Xander suckin' face like there's no tomorrow.

Buffy finally comes out of the bathroom and stumbles into my back. I quickly turn around and rush her back into the bathroom.

"What's wrong Faith?!"

"Uh, I don't think we should go out there. In fact why don't we stay in here forever?"

"Faith, what's going on? Why're you acting so weird?"

"B," I start undoin' my fly again. "I just need you so bad, B!"

She knows it's all bullshit, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what's up. She wasn't expectin' me to be standin' right outside the door when she came out so her face kinda smashed into my back.

She must've bumped her nose 'cause she's lookin' annoyed as she rubs the tip. I move her hand away and place a soft kiss on it.

"All better, sweets?"

She can't resist when I'm actin' all soft and sweet. She's got a huge smile on her face.

"I guess." She tilts her head to the side to think about it. "I think I need some more kisses, just to make sure."

Brat.

I go to kiss her nose again and she stands on her tip toes and captures my mouth in a slow, wet and hot as fuck kiss.

What the fuck am I supposed to be distractin' her from?

Oh yeah, Red and Xand makin' with the hot sex on the couch. Well not exactly hot sex, but they _were_ goin' at each other's mouths like they each had the last Hershey's Kiss on earth hidden under their tongues. They both love the shit outta those things.

I feel her hop up and hook her legs around my waist.

"Tell me why we left the house today?"

"Because you're the best girlfriend in the world and you won me tickets to this game. Which we really should be getting back to."

She sighs and slumps a little against me. She thinks she's gonna get down when I keep her legs in place.

"You're not goin' anywhere, not for the rest of the night. I'm carryin' you around everywhere."

"Everywhere?" She giggles.

"Yep, everywhere! You got a problem with that? Take it up with your precious _fiancée_. She laughs and squeals as I lightly touch her sides. I get her squealin' more as I feel behind me to open the door.

"Faith, no! No more tickles!!" She's laughin' and tryin' to fight me.

The point of me doin' this to her is really to announce to Will and Xand that we're comin' back into the room. But I wouldn't mind bein' this way with B for every moment of my life, I just get so happy when we're like this.

I spy Willow and Xander on totally opposite sides of the room. Xander's lookin' like I just caught him with Buffy and Willow's lookin' at everything but me and Xander.

Jesus, nothin' screams, 'We did something we weren't supposed to', more than the guilty looks and the distance between them. I decide to help put them out of their misery. I put Buffy down and she pouts.

"I thought you were carrying me everywhere tonight?"

"When I get back, B. I want to go get something from the souvenir stand. Will, would you mind comin' with me?"

Willow perks up and looks relieved. "S-sure Faith, you wanna foam finger or something? Those squeezy basketballs looked really cool, and oh! who can resist those big glasses we saw?!"

Oh yeah, she's so guilt ridden she's babblin' herself into a frenzy.

"Yeah, I saw something else there I wanted. B, would you mind makin' me some popcorn in about 10 minutes?"

"Sure thing, sweety, but hurry back!"

I know why she wants me to hurry, she loves post lovin' snuggles and we haven't really done those yet. Yeah there was the time right after when we were catchin' our breath and then when I was tryin' to distract her, but if I know my woman, it's gonna take her a lot longer to have her fill of the snuggles. She gets fuckin' pissed if she goes too long without 'em or doesn't get enough.

Lemme tell ya, she _would_ be happier than a pig in slop if I carry her around everywhere tonight.

Will and I leave and I can hear Buffy talkin' to Xander. "Xander! How's the game going?" She sounds nervous about him potentially hearin' us doin' the diddy. She has nothin' to worry about, he'll be just as nervous and they'll be fine.

Willow awkwardly smiles at me. I know she's wonderin' what the fuck she's in for.

"So, you and Xander havin' a good time?" The smart-ass tone in my voice can't be mistaken for anything other than she's busted.

"Faith! I... i-it wasn't what you think!"

"Oh, no? So you and Xander with your tongues down each other's throats was what? You two playin' Scrabble?"

She looks like she's about to get sick and I put my arm around her shoulders.

"Look Red, I'm not out to make ya squirm. I just want to know what's up."

"D-did Buffy see?"

"Nah, I was blockin' her view."

"Phew," She's relieved and looks less like she's gonna yark.

"Oh, so I can be blessed with this knowledge but if Buffy knows you'd be upset?"

"No, you've got it all wrong, Faith. Buffy would never understand, except possibly after a few Tequilas."

Somehow that makes me feel good. Like I'm the cool big sister or somethin'.

"So spill, Will. What was all that about?"

She sighs a big huge sigh and doesn't say nothin' for a while. She needs some time. I totally get that.

Finally, when we're near the souvenir stand she's ready to talk.

"I'm not sure what that was. But it doesn't mean that I want to get with Xander. He..." She's havin' a hard time gettin' her mind around it enough to explain it to another person.

Somethin' else I'm familiar with. Lots of times when I try to explain somethin' to Buffy she thinks I'm tryin' to lie, when really I'm not sure how to explain it. She's gotten a lot more understandin' about stuff like that. That tends to happen after you go through the same thing about 500 times.

"It was a little bit of everything. Xander was drunk and feeling frisky, then there were the good feelings in general brought on by the great time we're having. Part of it also had to do with the fight with Kennedy and the fact that I haven't had sex in two months making me so sexually frustrated I can't even see straight. And you probably didn't need to know that."

She looks at me all embarrassed and shy.

"What's a little sexual frustration between friends, Will?"

"A lot more then Xander and I bargained for."

I laugh, that was a good one.

"Plus, we- we kinda heard you and Buffy uhhh ya know...in the bathroom."

Oh, shit, so much for bein' quiet. I manage to look sorry, when really I'm so happy I could do back handsprings around the hallway.

"Sorry, about that, we tried but neither of us could last until the end of the game."

"I understand. Ya know, I _have_ been with a slayer for almost 5 years running."

"Speakin' of that slayer..."

"What?! Is she here?!" Willow looks around panicked.

"No, ya nut. I was _sayin'_ speakin' of that slayer, what's goin' on with that?"

She sighs and looks like I'm gonna be pissed at what she's about to say.

"I-in a way that kiss with Xander was my revenge."

"For what?" Now I'm really am gettin' pissed.

"For Ken cheating." She says quietly while she looks away.

I fuckin' knew it!!

Will gets upset because my face must look like I'm about to blow a gasket.

"Faith, wait, don't get upset. I'm dealing with it!"

"How exactly? By suckin' the face offa Xander?"

That was mean but I'm mad and I can't help what comes out of my mouth when I'm like that.

She looks hurt, kinda like I slapped her. That turns to pissed in 2.2 seconds.

"It really isn't any of your business _whose_ face I suck off, unless it's Buffy's and I don't wanna suck Buffy off!"

I have to bite my tongue, I can't help it, that shit was funny. I'm tryin' not to laugh but she can see it in my face.

"I didn't really run that one by my internal editor before letting it out." She smirks. Her face is a shade darker than her hair.

Now I do laugh.

But damn, I feel bad, she must be goin' through some tough shit. The no sex thing must be drivin' her nutty.

"Willow, first things first, I'm not gonna rat you out to anyone, includin' Buffy. You wanna tell her on your own that's fine but she won't hear it from me. And I don't know what's goin' on with you and K, 'cause Buffy hasn't said anything, but I wouldn't tell _her_ either. Again, that's your business, just like ya said."

She looks relieved.

"What I brought ya out here for was to see what was goin' on, I mean, you gettin' ready to bat for the other team again? Gotta say, I don't hate the idea of you with Xander."

"Oh, god no! It's nothing like that. It was a one time thing." She looks at me sheepishly. "Well, a two-time thing."

I snort, "Yeah, too bad Cordy's not around to witness this."

Willow laughs then gets quiet.

"So, what's gonna happen between you and Ken?"

"I don't know, probably nothing for a while."

"How come?"

"Well, Giles says that there might be some really bad trouble brewing and I think Kennedy would be a big help for that."

Oh, really? What the fuck? What the fuckin' fuck kinda shit is that?!

My eyes narrow at her and then I look away to the wall beside Red. She must be able to see what's written all over my face.

She grabs onto my arm pullin' me to face her. "Oh, no! Faith, don't even think like that!!"

"Like what?" My tone's a little harsh.

"Like Buffy would ever keep you around just because some big bad was brewing."

"That's not what I'm thinkin' of Red." I lie. "How come I can't just be thinkin' about which foam finger to buy?"

"Because I've learned to read 'Faith' after all these years, and I can see exactly what's written on your face. Besides, it's not like Ken and I are even together like that, I'm not pretending everything's alright to get her to stay, in fact she knows exactly why I haven't kicked her out. She's just thinking that by the time the big evil rolls around I'll have fallen in love with her again. She knows she can go live wherever or do whatever she wants I'm not gonna stop her. In a way I'm using the big brewing evil to see if there's anything that can be salvaged between us."

"Oh." Well that's different then.

Ow!! She punched my arm.

"The fuck was that for?" I rub at the spot, it's not like she really hurt me, it's just the spot that Buffy usually hits me and it's kinda sore. A little.

Aw fuck it! Red can punch almost as hard as Dawn, which sometimes is almost as hard as a slayer.

"That was for thinking Buffy would ever do something as underhanded as let you propose and act all snuggly and get all wriggly just because there was evil to fight. I mean, hello! Buffy sent Riley away right before the big showdown with Glory! And that was because he let vampires feed off of him."

That makes me shiver.

"Yuck is right!" She looks all concerned and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Faith, you still have some abandonment issues, don'tcha?"

Oh great, another shrink. B tries every once in awhile to outright get me to tell her all my issues and Giles has tried once or two hundred times to get me to open up. He thinly disguises them as "tea breaks" between one of our marathon training sessions. Point is he usually has some really nice pastries and I eat the shit out of 'em while I let him think he's gettin' somewhere.

Fuck, I'm such a bitch. I shouldn't sound like it's that bad, he's helped me more than I'll let him know.

"I'm not gonna try and shrink you, I just think you need to actually deal with that, otherwise down the line it could spell trouble."

"I guess."

"Well, I know that was a big thing in why my relationship with Kennedy is going bad."

"Because I have abandonment issues?" I give her my puzzled face.

"No, silly! Because she wouldn't deal with the fact that no matter what I felt for Tara, that she's number one in my life, and that I wasn't secretly wishing it were her that died from Warren's bullet." She looks like that was the stupidest thing she ever said, then adds, "So to speak."

"That's fuckin' stupid. Kennedy wasn't even with us back then. Hell, even I wasn't here when Tara died."

"Right, but if the powers that be had somehow killed Kennedy instead of Tara then I'd be happy."

"She's one messed up chick." I shake my head.

"Yeah, and if you don't watch it that could be you."

"I get your point, Red. I'll go see someone. It's just I don't see how they're gonna be able to help me."

"You'd be surprised. It wouldn't kill you to just get a consultation and see what it's like."

"I know, thanks, Will."

"No, it's me who needs to be thanking you, Faith."

"Never! The way I see it you've done so much for B that it's time I start helpin' to repay you. I mean we're gettin' married in a year or so, her debts become mine."

She laughs and swats at the same spot she hit earlier. I grab her hand before it connects and bring her knuckles to my lips. She'll never know how much I owe her for bringin' B back to life. I probably woulda hung myself in my cell if she hadn't.

Fuck, I shouldn't be thinkin' of that right now.

"So, what should we get?" Willow says after silently thankin' me for the kiss.

"Oh, look at that Celtics baby-tee. You think Buffy would like that?"

"For you, yes. She likes to see your boobs when they're in a tiny tee-shirt."

HA!

"Oh, really? Damn I'd love to be a fly on the wall durin' one of your 'get togethers'."

"Oh, the things you'd love to know, wouldn't you?"

"Fuckin' A! You know I would."

"Ah, ah, ah, not gonna happen. Tell ya what though, maybe one day you'll have some _really_ juicy gossip about me that you're just dying to spill. Who knows maybe I'll have to be bribed into telling so you won't reveal my secret." She wiggles her eyebrows.

"Damn!! I wish I had some good shit on ya, Will!" We look at each other and laugh like two crazy people.

She knows I'd never tell, I gave my word. There was a time when that used to not mean much, but fuck if I'll be that person ever again.

You'd think we were at the _Boston_ Garden with all the Celtics gear they got. I guess the souvenir people got smart and realized there are a lot of us ex-Bostonians in NYC and also about the fact that half the people in Boston come down for the games.

I decide on the baby-tee in my size and a tank and panties with a clover leaf and the words, 'Celtics girl', on them for, B. Plus a couple of shot glasses and coffee mugs. I get Xander a Celtics Bear that has a kiss imprinted on it's face, it's not Will's shade but he'd still get the joke and I wanna make him squirm a little. I get Willow a really nice necklace with a clover leaf, for luck, she's gonna need it. Especially if B finds out. Come to think of it, I need all the luck I can get, too. Buffy'd kill me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her. Oh well, I always was a bit dumb.

I really enjoyed my talk with Will, I think she was grateful for it, too. She made me promise I wouldn't break Ken's legs, and I made her promise if she wanted to suck face with Xander again to video tape it for me. It was a pretty hot kiss! Heh.

"Baby!!"

Oh, shit, I hope Buffy didn't get into the tequila.

"Hey guys, what were ya doing out there for so long?" Xander looks really rattled.

"Just gettin' some gear X-man, don't get your manties in a wad. We weren't even gone that long."

"Longer than my non-snuggled body is able to stand." B jumps into my arms.

Shit, I fuckin' love this girl so much. It suddenly feels like a million years since I saw her last. I scoop her up and she giggles.

"Mmmm," She says after she plants a sweet kiss on my lips. "I missed that so much."

"Mmmmm, is fuckin' right." I lean in for another kiss and sit down with her in my lap. "Who's winnin'?"

"The Celtics, by 12." Xander says nervously.

"Yeah, baby!!"

B hops up from my lap and gets my popcorn and another Long Island that looks freshly poured. She's such a fuckin' sweetheart, I don't know how I could have thought she'd be placatin' me just to get me to help her with the slayin'. I hope Red does the same for me as I'm doin' for her and forgets I ever said that shit.

Even if I didn't _actually_ say it.


	3. Share, share That's fair

We're on our way out of the Garden and B wants to walk instead of gettin' a cab. Funny how you don't care about the cold when you're a liquored up. She snuggles in close and I put my arm around her to let her burrow into my side.

We get some catcalls from a couple of douchebag Celts fans and I smile sweetly while givin' 'em the finger.

"Don't listen to them. They're pigs."

"Don't insult pigs there, B. Pigs are more intelligent than those fuckers. Look, that asshole has toilet paper stuck to his shoe." I chuckle.

"You're right, I think even Mr. Gordo had more of a brain."

"Where's Will and Xander? I thought they were right behind us?" I look over towards where we just came from and they're talkin' to each other. Standin' a bit closer than what I would have thought they'd be after their little display earlier tonight.

"They're conspiring I think." Buffy looks puzzled.

They hug and then walk over to us. We start walkin' down the street.

"Loose ends all tied up?"

"Drawn and quartered." Xand says cheerily.

"Uh, X. I don't think you know what that means. You're using it wrong."

"Definitely the wrong context." Will adds.

B's got that frown she wears when she's puzzled, she's not too sure what it means either.

"Isn't it where something's sliced open and then you burn it together?"

"That's cauterized, my man." I smile because B just made that 'ick' face.

"Oh, so what's the other one?"

"That's what happened to William Wallace at the end of Braveheart."

"Oh," Xander says a bit puzzled. "Ohhhhh." The lightbulb just went off.

"Still not getting it." Buffy says.

"Well, drawn is when you attach ropes to the person's limbs and stretch 'em out. Quartered is when you slice 'em into fours."

"Or sometimes those ropes would be attached to horses and then the horses were made to run. Fours a plenty. " Will adds helpfully.

"Ok, not gonna ask how you two know so much about this stuff." B says sarcastically, and she walks off all weirded out.

Little brat. I catch up to her and pick her up, slingin' her skinny ass over my shoulder.

"I said I'd carry you everywhere tonight, _sweety_!" I say in a kind of flamboyant voice.

"Put me down, you brute!" She's kickin' her legs and beatin' her fists on my back.

"Oh, _baby_, you're makin' me all hot with your S&M routine." I laugh.

We turn down one of the side streets lookin' for a coffee bar that Buffy came to with Giles once. B's still tryin' to get herself loose. It makes no nevermind to me, she's keepin' me warm like a blanket with great tits and a sweet ass. Speakin' of which, I get to feel said ass up while she's in this position. Come to think of it, since I've been strokin' her she hasn't been fightin' me as hard to get loose.

Nasty girl.

"Well, well, well, lookee what we've got here boys."

God damn fuckin' tingles go shootin' down my spine and B tenses up. I immediately let her down and we stand side by side ready to kill.

Five vamps are standin' around lookin' like they just happened upon a free buffet.

"God, don't you fuckers ever get new lines?"

"Maybe they should take an acting class, I've seen a billboard around here about one. Maybe I could find the address for you, before I send you to hell!"

I love when B verbally spars with these pricks. I used to draw out a kill just to beat on 'em, now I draw it out so it'll give B a couple of more minutes to get some quips in. I'm careful about it though, if it looks like things are gettin' dicey, I get dusty.

"You and what army, little girl?"

Stupid fuckin' line. Brings back memories of my childhood. Shit, that makes me think of that letter from my Aunt Dee.

"This one," I say as I throw my stake into the heart of the leader. I'm done playin' 'cause I'm pissed at myself for lyin' to B earlier about not knowin' who that letter was from.

Buffy quickly jumps in and stakes two of the fuckers before they have a chance to comprehend what happened.

"Slayers!" The smartest one of the bunch says as he turns tail and runs down the street like a bat outta hell. Damn, I just realized what that line means. Ha! Fuckin' fittin'.

The other vamp starts to go when B grabs him. Willow sends a bolt of some shit down the street and it incinerates the one who was tryin' to make a break for it.

We hear a gasp and someone say, "What the fuck was that?!"

Oh shit, civilians.

Xander quickly saves us.

"Aaaaaaaaaand cut! Now what I want for the next scene is more 'OOOMPH!' ok, ladies uhh, and gentleman?! This is the real thing now! Let's get back to the studio and get that one in the can."

The couple look like they're tryin' to figure out who we are.

"We're shooting a pilot here, folks. For uhhh 'Bunny and Fluff Undercover Protectors'. Look for us in the Fall, that is if we get picked up. Have a nice night!" They walk off all puzzled while we make our way in the opposite direction.

"Shit, Xand, good thinkin' dude. But what the fuck was with the 'Bunny and Fluff'?"

"You want people knowing your real names. To what? Tell the cops?"

"Uh, yeah, good thinkin', again." I pat him on the back and he yelps, guess that was a little hard. I'm bein' petty 'cause he called me 'Fluff'.

The remaining vamp starts to mouth off and B pulls him with us as we go around the corner. When we get there she shakes the livin' shit outta him.

"Are you working for anyone?!"

Here's where my baby gets to play 'in charge girl', I love it.

"Fuck you, I ain't tellin'."

Shit, he's dumber than I thought.

"Good, I don't like a rat."

"Huh?"

Stupid fucker.

"You know who we are?"

"Buncha girls with superpowers?"

"Uh, guy over here, pal!" Xander gets all manly.

"Not from what I'm seein', Marcia."

"Hey, are you implying I'm Marcia Brady?"

"Nah, she's probably too manly compared to you, let me change that to Cindy."

"I'm more like Peter, and Hey! You don't get to make fun of me buddy, you're being man handled by a little girl."

Buffy glares at Xander and he gulps.

"B-but a very authoritative and powerful little girl."

"I think it's better if you stopped talking now, Xander." Willow tries to help him.

"Good suggestion, Will." He moves out of B's line of sight and goes behind Willow.

B presses her stake into the area above the vamp's heart.

"L-look, I don't know what you people want, I don't know anything. I just met those guys last night, w-we were just out for food."

"Yeah, well we don't like how you get your food."

"Listen, I'm really a vegetarian, d-does that bother you?"

"No, but vegetarian's don't usually suck the life blood out of people."

"Minor detail."

"Major in my book."

"I suggest you get another book."

"I suggest you go to hell!" He dusts as Buffy sinks her stake through his chest.

"Phew, that sure as shit was refreshin'." I wave the dust outta the air.

"Shouldn't you have tried to get more information out of him, Buffy?"

"He didn't know anything, Will."

"How would you know?"

"He wouldn't have been so cocky. Trust me I have this innate ability to know if someone knows something, ya know?"

"Not always," Willow mutters.

"What was that?" Buffy gets a bit defensive.

Oh shit, gotta steer this from disaster.

"C'mon guys! Lets go get coffee'd up and have a dessert that's gonna bring us closer to a heart attack than seein' Giles in a bikini."

"I'm game!" Xander shouts. "And Faith, that visual not so nice, not in the slightest." He shivers.

Buffy laughs and puts her arm around my shoulders. "Didya like my little display there?"

I snake my arm around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder like I'm her chick. Which I am, but usually I'm the butch one.

"Loved it, B." I lift my head to whisper in her ear. "You know you make me all kindsa wet when you play bad cop."

She chuckles and I can tell the warm breath on her ear is givin' her some good vibrations.

Oh yeah baby, this night hasn't ended yet and I have a feelin' it's not endin' until we both collapse from exhaustion.

We finally find the coffee place and have our fill of caffeinated drinks and fat laden cakes. The atmosphere is relaxed and joky and it's just what Will and Xander needed to get over their fear that I was gonna rat them out to Buffy.

When all the drinks are gone and no more cake is visible, we decide to leave. We hug and wave our goodbyes as the Wonder 'Incest' Twins split a cab uptown. B and I wait until another cab comes and give our cross streets.

"That was a wonderful night, B. You're the best." I lean over and kiss her cheek.

"I'm glad, Faith. I had such a good time. You didn't have to buy me anything." She points to the bag in my hand. Then turns her head towards me and captures my lips for a deeper kiss.

Damn that took my breath away. But I always have to ruin it by bein' a smart ass, "Who said this stuff was for you? I'm seein' Sheri tomorrow. I thought she'd like a souvenir from the game, ya know?"

Buffy gives me a 'You're such a bullshitter.' smirk and leans in again for another kiss.

"Ow!!" I pull back. She bit me. "You bit me!!" I feel my lip to see if I'm bleedin'.

"Don't mess with 'in charge girl'."

"Fuck that, I was just jokin', B."

"Yeah? You think I didn't catch the little looks she was giving you at the radio station?"

"Buffy," I get serious, don't need any doubt runnin' through that beautiful head of hers. "I saw 'em, doesn't mean I responded to any of 'em or even wanted to. I love you."

She looks into my eyes tryin' to read what's in my brain.

"I know, baby. That's why I didn't act all petty when she was doing that. I felt kinda bad for her. She looked either just dumped or in a really bad relationship."

"That's what I was thinkin', too."

"You think we should hook her up with Xander?"

"Maybe," I get kinda nervous because I have all this knowledge about what happened tonight and she doesn't. "I'm not sure yet, but I think Xander's got somethin' goin' on."

"Really? He didn't say anything to me."

"I just have this feelin' is all."

She shrugs.

"What was with Willow and that comment she made?"

"Which one?"

"The one about me not always knowing when someone knows something or not."

Huh?

"Ya wanna run that one by me again?"

"Well, she was asking why I staked that guy without finding more information on him and his buddies and I said it was because I have an innate ability to know when someone knows something and she said 'Not always.' Do you know anything about that?"

"Uh, uh." I shake my head from side to side.

Fuckin' Willow! I knew Buffy heard that little jibe. Now if I get caught coverin' this up B's gonna be double pissed at me.

I get quiet and Buffy knows something is on my mind.

"Faith," it's a question.

"Yeah?"

"That letter today,"

Oh fuck, I think I should just spill about Will and Xander to distract her. No, that's a pussy way out.

Fuck! I just needed more time, one more day! Now I have to come clean right this moment or I might never be able to recover her trust later.

I sigh a gigantic sigh and she puts a hand on my thigh, waitin' patiently for me to talk.

"I lied about who that letter was from." I look out the window.

"I got that." I'm still safe, there was no venom in that statement. "Why?" She adds quietly. She's hopeful that I won't lie to her anymore. Today at least.

"'Cause the person it's from might be tellin' me somethin' I don't wanna hear."

Her hand moves to mine and she squeezes it reassuringly before interlocking our fingers. I shake my head and she squeezes my hand a little harder.

My first instinct is to jump outta the fuckin' cab when it comes to a stop at the light, B must sense this because she looks spooked and lets go of my hand only to link it through my arm, holdin' on to me like I'm a tree and she's caught in a Tsunami.

"Faith, you don't have to tell me anything, baby. I just want you to know you don't have to lie to me. I'll understand whatever you have to tell me, I'm not here to judge you."

I'm such a fuckin' messed up bitch, she should be with someone who deserves her. I briefly think of who that might be and I get pissed off after the first person that popped into my head. Shit, I have it bad. I don't think I deserve to be with B and no one else deserves her either. Sucks for her 'cause after I fuck things up between us for the last time she's gonna be all alone and wonderin' why her dates keep disappearin'.

She leans over and kisses the side of my head.

"We're home, sweety. Should I carry you?" She jokes.

I let out a half laugh/half sob.

"Oh, Faith!" She sees the tears on my cheek. Suddenly she opens the door and hops out practically throwin' the cab fare at the driver. She pulls on my arm and drags me out shuttin' the door quickly.

The cab drives off and me and B are left there standin' by ourselves. Me sobbin' like a baby and her shushin' me and whisperin' in my ear.

"Faith, please tell me what's bothering you baby."

"Nothin', B."

"No?"

"Well, 'cept the people passin' by lookin' at me like I'm a circus freak."

"They don't think you're a circus freak. They're checking out my ass."

That did it. The sobs quiet down and I grab her hand and practically fly up to our apartment.

We get in and close the door and I'm wonderin' if we're gettin' ready to fight or fuck. Seems like we're squarin' off.

She tilts her head to the side and smiles at me.

"Would you like to take a shower, Faith?"

A what now? She catches the look on my face.

"It might ease some of the tension in your shoulders and back."

She's bein' gentle and sweet. Must be what tamin' a lion looks like.

I put a hand behind my neck and then squeeze my shoulder and I know why she's askin'. I'm as relaxed as a fuckin' brick wall.

Why do I get this way is what I wanna know. She asked me a legitimate question, 'who was the letter from?' She knows it must be important or I wouldn't be actin' this way. She just loves me and wants me to be happy. I realize I'm ruinin' everything we experienced tonight, all those good memories will be overshadowed by the fact that I can't share shit about myself.

She puts a hand on my shoulder to help ease my tension and smiles because I didn't flinch. That means she can reach me.

"Ok, baby?"

"Sure, B. Are you gonna join me?"

"Wouldn't be a shower without me, now would it?"

"Nah, would just be water and soap drippin' down all over my firm, wet tits and cascading down to my round plump ass."

She clears her throat. "Uhhh you really know how to describe a shower."

I wiggle my eyebrows.

We're gettin' ready for bed now. Buffy helped me work out all the kinks. And before you're thinkin' about the other kind of kinks she helped me work out, it wasn't like that. She massaged my shoulders and back. The only hot and steamy thing was the water comin' out of the shower head.

That and the fuck we had.

Heh. Just kiddin', we didn't do anything except kiss a few times. I'm not really in the mood for anything more than that, and B knows we can't just fuck out my problems. For one thing she knows it would just end up hurtin' me more in the long run, and for the second thing she's not like that.

One of the ways I've matured is that I don't try to cover things up with sex, booze or drugs anymore. But I really do need to see someone, because I don't really know what bi-polar means but if it means why I had that cryin' fit, then I might need some meds. The legal kind.

We towel off and get into our sleepwear. T-shirt and panties for me, pajama top and panties for Buffy. I got her to stop wearin' the bottoms, I didn't like havin' to go through two layers just to fondle her.

What can I say? I'm lazy like that. Plus she'd be burnin' up by mornin'. She'd be so sweaty we thought somethin' was wrong with her. We eventually figured it out. Apparently I give off a lot of body heat. Did you expect somethin' else?

Never really knew that I did that though, 'cause I'm also a skank like that and I never let 'em stick around afterwards. Yeah, ya know that whole deal so I'm not gonna repeat it. Thinkin' about it makes me feel worse about myself.

I get in bed and scoot over to her side. She looks like she's gonna say somethin' to me and then goes over to my side and gets in. I pull her body back towards me and spoon her from behind. I breathe in her scent from both the pillow and her hair. My heart feels so full, again. I get that lump in my throat and it melts into water sendin' a flood through my tear ducts.

B can feel me shakin' but she doesn't say nothin'; she doesn't even try to turn around. She lets me have this moment, knowing I need to get it out.

After a while she feels me calm down and brings my hand up to her lips givin' me a gentle kiss. I kiss the back of her head.

"Everything ok, Faith?"

"No, not everything, B. I'm gettin' there though."

"Can I turn around?"

"And get the fright of your life?"

"Aw, I've seen your puffy eyes and red nose before. Granted it was after a case of Sam Adams, but ya know..."

Fuckin' smartass. She turns around in my arms and I give her a grateful kiss.

"Thank you, Buffy."

"For what?"

"For understandin' how my fucked up mind works."

She leans in and wipes off the tears that are still on my cheek with the cuff of her pajama top.

"Faith, I know it's hard for you to share, and I'm not even asking for you to share with _me_. Just so long as you share with somebody. You need to be able to work these things out. For you, and nobody else."

"I want to."

"I know you do, and I want you to know I'll be here for you, you don't have to go through things alone."

"And I don't." I lean and kiss her gently on the lips. "Because of you, Buffy, I never have to deal alone. Even though I wanna, sometimes, just to spare you my shit, you always understand and that helps."

"And I bet you feel you don't deserve that."

I look away, my face must be showin' every bit of the guilt I feel at that thought.

"I thought we were passed all this, Faith." Ugh, she used my name. Can't be good. "And just because I use your name doesn't mean I'm about to get rid of you. God, Faith, I hope you're not this transparent on patrol, we'll never be able to surprise the bad guys." I poke her in her side.

"No one else can read me like you do, B. 'Cept maybe Red, and Dawnie."

"Don't forget Giles." She adds helpfully.

"You say, Xander or Andrew and you're goin' over my lap!"

"Ooooh, for spankies?" The naughty gleam in her eye shoots some heat down to my groin. I shake my head to clear it of the sweet, sweet thoughts that question just created. Whew.

The look on her face makes me question her with a look of my own.

"How were you picturing it? Did I have on panties, or just my pajama top?" She wiggles her own eyebrows. Minx! She's gonna give me a fuckin' stroke.

"What when you were over Giles' lap for 'spankies'? 'Cause I know _we've _never done that, yet you say it like you're an old pro!" She flies to her knees and takes the pillow out from under me.

"You're so fucking dead!! Take that back!" Oh, hit a nerve, she used the F word.

"What? Take back the fact that he would tan your little bottom if you were late comin' back from patrol?"

She's lungin' at me and I'm backin' up on the bed tryin' to fend off her pillow attack.

"Ewww, Faith. That is so, so ICK!!"

"Why? Did the thought of Giles' strong hand stingin' your soft cheeks then smoothin' over them to ease the burn, give you naughty tingles in your special place?"

She visibly shudders and I'm right there with her. That fuckin' grossed me out and if Giles EVER tried anything like that he'd no longer be known as "Ripper" he'd be known as "Ripped In Half" or "Drawn and Quartered".

"Grossed yourself out with that one didn't you?" She smirks. "Why Faith? You don't like the thought of his strong..."

"Stop, Buffy!"

"...meaty..." Now it's her turn to back up on the bed.

"I mean it!"

"...English hand..."

She gets to the edge of the bed and then jumps to her feet and vaults backwards. Shit, that was awesome. I'm stunned.

"...whipping my bottom..."

Ok, the awe is fadin' 'cause this shit has to stop.

"Cut the shit, B!"

"...to a bright pink hue..."

I jump onto my feet and work out what angle I can cut her off without gettin' myself vaulted through the door when I pounce.

"...beforesmoothingitwithfragrantoils?" She says in a rush and is gone before I even hit the floor.

I chase her down the hall into the guest bathroom and get a face full of wood for my troubles.

"Buffy, Faithy's heeeeeere!" I sound all crazed like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. "Open the door honey. I won't bite!"

"I d-on't be-lieve y-ou!" She's barely able to talk through the gasps and giggles.

"Ok, but only maybe a little!"

"Liar!"

"Baby, really I won't do nothin'. I swear. I just wanna see you."

"No, I'm staying in here for the rest of the night."

"Fine, I'll just go back to bed."

"Fine."

And I do just that. She'll think I'm gonna hide and pounce and it will drive her nuts.

Ahhhhh! I get the bed all to myself. This is the life.

Think I might see what's playin' on B's CD player.

Ooooh that new Alicia Keys album. Niiiiiiiiice.

Three songs later and I'm almost out of my mind with boredom. I reach up and shut the player off.

I make my way out of the room and I'm pounced on by the little brat.

"Ooof!" I squeeze her tight around the middle and carry her into our room.

"Faith, put me down!"

"Gladly, Princess!" I toss her onto the bed and launch myself on top of her as she hits.

"Fai-oof!"

"Fai-oof? New nickname?"

"Get off, you're cru-shing me!"

"You doin' all that squirmin' under me ain't gonna get me off. Well..." I trail off and let the play on words sink in.

"P-pervert."

"I love you." I shift so she's more comfortable and lean down for a kiss.

I know she's thinkin' it's a set up, but I'm done playin'. I need to let her know what's in my heart and why I'm actin' like a fuckin' 8 months pregnant hormonal person.

And yeah, I said 'person', 'cause last year Willow... well, let's just say Will found a spell that can even the odds. And we're keepin' that one totally under wraps because if men found out, they'd be gunnin' for her blood. 'Sides, we don't need men all hormonal until they're no longer the ones in power. Women have a hope this year with Hillary runnin' for president, but looks like Obama's gonna outrun her. Oh, well. Maybe one day.

"I know," She says sincerely after we break from our kiss. It was heartfelt and sweet. I finally don't feel like I'm gonna bawl my eyes out so I look into her eyes and let what's in me out.

"That letter, it was, from my Aunt. Dee Gennaro."

Her eyebrows go up in surprise but she doesn't say anything. I let go of her and roll off.

Damn, this went easier in my head. She rolls herself over and rests her head on my stomach, lookin' not at me, but towards the end of the bed. Totally a 'Buffy' thing to do.

She's letting' me know she's close and here for me, but not lookin' in my eyes all swoony 'cause I'm sharin'. That kinda thing freaks me out, doesn't bring out the 'sharer' in me.

I run my hand through her hair lettin' the strands flow through my fingers like silk. She lets that out low "mmmm" sound that I love so much. She tenses up a bit because this isn't supposed to be about her gettin' a head massage, it's about me lettin' shit go, but I love that she's lettin' me do this with her, like this.

"I know I haven't exactly told ya much about how I grew up and stuff. Well, except for some stuff with my Mom. Fact is, I haven't kept in touch with my other family since I was in jail. I knew they would think I was still in the big house, so I didn't wanna disturb their vision of me. Ya know, they probably used me as an example to set their kids straight. 'Don't eat your dessert before dinner, you don't wanna end up like ya cousin Faith, do ya?' Couldn't ruin that for 'em. What would they be able to say? 'Don't kill anyone or you'll end up like your cousin Faith: Deliriously happy and engaged to the girl of her dreams with her record wiped clean.'?"

Buffy chuckles and it tickles my stomach. I nudge her a little so her head is more near my heart and she sighs as she listens to my heart beat.

"You gonna fall asleep on me, B?"

"Never, baby. Keep going."

"So, now I've got a letter from her, but I haven't read it yet."

"Why not?"

"Because I think she might be tellin' me that my Grandmother died and I don't wanna hear that."

"Wouldn't make it any less true." She lifts her head and turns around to me to let me know that she said that because it's the truth, not to be a bitch. "You can't know unless you know, right?"

I nod.

"Is this your mom's mom?"

Another nod.

"Would you tell me about them sometime?"

I nod again.

"Whenever you want is fine with me."

No time like the present I say. Or, well, I don't usually say. I usually say 'no time is all that great', and let it trail off into oblivion.

"Well, my grandparents had 6 kids, my Granddad was a mix of Irish and Italian, just about half and half. My Grandma was Sicilian."

Buffy blinks and it looks like a lightbulb just went off just behind her eyes.

I give her a questioning look and she smirks. I know she's about to say something totally bratty.

"Explains your love of pizza."

"Ha! You smartass, you totally love pizza more'n I do." I poke her ribs again and she squirms.

"You're right but I couldn't resist. Besides, what's not to love? The saucy, hot, melt in your mouth goodness."

"Are we still talkin' about the pizza?"

"Who's the smartass now? And yes, I was talking about the pizza, but I could see how that would apply to you."

I lean down and kiss her sweetly, because she so deserves it for that one.

"Thank you, B."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." She replies.

"So, my Grandma Giulia, was from Palermo in Sicily, so uhhh I guess that makes me part Sicilian, too. Don't really know how that works with Sicily bein' part of Italy and all but God forbid you try and tell Grandma that, she'd fuckin' slit your throat."

Buffy narrows her eyes at me.

"In a total Grandma way though. She's not really a hitman or nothin', but she's deadly with a fuckin' wooden spoon. I should have taken her out on patrol with us." Damn, I wonder if she was a potential. Man, I just blew my freakin' mind.

"So..."

"So, oh yeah. So my Granddad was born and raised in South Boston, one of the 'mixed kids' born to an Irish father and an Italian mother. Kinda like the biracial kids of their time. Anyway, he grew up hard but stayed out of the gangs, even though he was one hell of a fighter. He did some junior-weight boxin' and even tried out for the Olympics."

"Wow, that's impressive. What happened?"

"He met my Grandmother, and she was as tight as a nun, so he had to marry her to tap a piece of that ass."

That gets another chuckle out of her and she rolls her eyes.

"You think I'm kiddin' you? Gee Gee wasn't one to give nothin' up just because you were good lookin'. He stopped trainin' and shit 'cause he had to save money to raise a family. 'Cept they weren't gettin' pregnant right away. No one knows why. The docs were all kindsa puzzled and shit, then after about a dozen years, Grandma went and saw some old lady from the old country and bam! Nine months later she has my Uncle John, little over a year later comes my Uncle Ted, a year after that my Uncle Bobby, there was about a four year break while my Grandfather went to Nam to dig ditches, then when he came back my mom Kathleen and uncle Joseph were born, they were twins. Then two years later my Aunt..."

"Wait let me guess, Eunice."

"No, _Deborah_. Ya brat." I chuckle, and she giggles, so full of herself.

"Were the Kennedy names a coincidence?"

"Yeah, right. First Family of Massachusetts and the Country and Irish Catholics to boot? Plus the fact that those were the popular names of the times, no brainer."

"Deborah? I don't remember her being a Kennedy."

"Nah, she was named after Deborah Kerr."

Cue the blank faced stare of the girl who thinks popular culture started in 1983.

"She was in some popular movies of the 40's, 50's and 60's."

Couple of more blinks.

"From Here to Eternity?" I say it like she's gonna get it. "No?"

"King Solomon's Mines?" I knew she wouldn't know that one but I like to play.

"Wait, you've totally seen at least the kiss in From Here to Eternity, it was the most famous on screen kiss. It was the black and white movie of the two people suckin' face in the sand and surf."

"Ohhhhh, ok. I've seen that."

I get hopeful. "The movie?"

"Nah, the kiss. They play it at the beginning of something else, but I forget what."

Oh, well, I tried.

"Oh, she was in the movie that inspired Sleepless in Seattle."

"When Harry Met Sally?"

My fingers tense in her hair and I have to stop myself or I'll pull it and get punched.

"Uh, no, sweetheart. It was called an Affair to Remember, and it was her and Cary Grant."

"Oh. How come you know so much about old movies, Faith?"

"Well, my grandparents were a big influence, and then growin' up my ma never could afford cable, so I would watch the old movies after school and on the weekends when I wasn't outside gettin' in trouble. I loved wakin' up early and watchin' the Little Rascals, too. Shit, me and a couple of my friends even built our own clubhouse."

"Aw, that's sweet."

"Yeah, real sweet. Fuckin' Bobby Cochrane burnt the fucker down. He was a total pyro, burnt his leg in the process 'cause he used lighter fluid as an accelerant and got some on his pants then tried to jump over the flames. Fuckin' stupid, I mean who ever starts a fire from _inside_ the place they're supposed to be torchin' and then stands behind the flames with the door on the opposite side?"

"I dunno, I'm not an expert on setting fires." She says a little testy.

"Oh, no?" I know exactly why she's bein' this way, she thinks I'm bringin' it up to crack on her.

"Faith, you're on very thin ice."

"How thin?"

"Almost non existent."

"'Kay. So where was I?"

"Your love of old movies." She lays her head back on my chest like before.

"Oh, yeah. Anyway, old movies to me were my escape. The way people used to be was totally different then my reality and it was kinda comfortin'. Actually, when I would stay with Gee Gee and Pops they were kinda like the people in the movies. 'Cept some of their kids were fucked up. Especially my ma and her twin, Uncle Joe."

"What happened?"

"I dunno really. I know Uncle Joe was kinda the tortured soul sorta deal. Ya know, writin' poetry and stuff. He was also the one to get into drugs at a very early age. And that's what they say did him in."

"When?"

"Before I was born, about a year or so."

"How did your family take it?"

"Broke their hearts, he was a good kid except for his drug use. I think he mighta been gay. Anyway, it threw my mom into a fuckin' tailspin. She got reckless with the drugs and alcohol. And the sex..." I stop.

B thinks I stopped because I was describing myself, but really I stopped because I was thinkin' about my father. That fuckface.

I think about five minutes goes by and Buffy lifts her head to kiss the area over my heart. "Thanks for sharing that with me sweetheart. I appreciate it."

"You goin' to sleep?"

"No, I thought you might be done."

"Nice, try, but no."

She smirks, "Ok, then hurry it up!"

"You got a hot date tomorrow or somethin'?"

"Yeah, me and _Tanker_ are going to a monster truck show."

"You are such a bitch."

"Takes one to know one, now spill!" She smiles and kisses me gently on the lips.

"You're gonna get it later for that Tanker thing, you do know that don'tcha?"

"Yeah, I'll get Giles to punish me later."

"Buffy, I'm warnin' you!"

"Ok, ok, now really, you may continue."

"Thank you, your highness."

"You're welcome." She giggles and rests her head back on my chest.

"My ma became a good time girl, then she got pregnant."

"At 16, right?"

"Yep."

"She ran away, nobody knew she was pregnant, and that was a really bad time for them. They had just lost Joe, they were thinkin' my mom was layin' dead god knows where. My granddad had his first heart attack then.

One day my Uncle Ted saw my mom at the beach, they used to go down to the Cape almost every weekend, and she was drinkin' and druggin' it up, smokin' pot and doin' acid and whatnot. He noticed that she had some extra weight around the middle. Ma didn't even know he was there, she was so wasted. He went to a friend's house and called Gee Gee, she had my uncles and her brother pick her up."

"Wow, that must have been hard."

"Nah, she was passed the fuck out, pregnant with yours truly and she's doin' all kindsa shit you ain't supposed to. She was brought up Catholic, so you don't have an abortion, but that doesn't mean she didn't try to do everything in her power to lose me. Not her fault she didn't know she was carryin' a potential. Probably would have had to get killed herself, to stop me from bein' born."

Things go quiet for a little while and I can feel B shakin'. For a split second I think she's laughin', 'cause I'm fucked up like that. Then I hear the sobs.

"No, baby!" I scoot down on the bed so I'm layin' face to face with her on top of me. "Don't cry. It's all in the past. I'm here with you, not goin' nowhere. Healthy as an ox." I flex my bicep to illustrate my point.

"I know, Faith. But that doesn't mean I don't feel bad about what your mom tried to do." She sniffs.

"Yeah, I know, but you don't have to cry for that, B. You know I hate to see you cry."

"Wait until I get pregnant, I'll probably be a big old ball of tears." She looks like she just said something she shouldn't have. "That is, if you want me to uhhh, ya know, get like that..."

"All teary eyed? Didn't I just say I hated to see you cry?"

"No, silly, I-I meant..."

Shit she thinks I'm gonna freak about her wantin' kids. Well, time to tell her I want 'em, too. Ever since my little revelation in the car on Valentine's day about wantin' a family with, B, I've been thinkin' about it a lot, and it doesn't make me wanna jump off a cliff.

"You meant, gettin' pregnant." I smile at her.

"Yeah, I kinda thought, maybe someday, ya know..."

"Yeah, I know. And I want that, too."

She smiles all big and happy.

"Really?!"

"'Course, I want to see someone other than Dawn and me drive ya bonkers." I smirk.

"I know, right. Figures we'd probably have a cute little smartass that likes to make fun of me."

"Chip off the old block, B." I brush my shoulder. Dunno, why, but it seems like the thing to do.

"You stinker." She leans in and kisses me.

"But ya love me like that."

"Yeah, I do."

"So, you're not freaked about bein' pregnant, at all?"

"Nah, I've been dead, what could be worse?"

"A bowlin' ball sized pink thing with arms and legs bein' ripped out of your vagina could be a little worse than dead. I'm just sayin'."

"But it would be _your_ bowling ball sized pink thing."

"Uhhhh, what're we talkin' about again?" I leer at her.

"Pervy, you're such a guy. And a bowling ball sized pink thing would be weird, shouldn't it be baseball bat sized?"

"Oh, _you're_ a total slut, B."

She swats me. Damn, that hurt.

"You're the one making the stupid references to your imaginary penis."

I stick out my tongue. I was gonna make a joke but I now I'm curious.

"So, we're assumin' we'd be gettin' a donor that's white. Ya know, we could get a donor that's black, or Asian or somethin' if you wanted."

"Why would we need a donor?"

"Uh, I may be somethings B, but sportin' a penis and balls I'm not."

"You _never_ pay attention at meetings do you?"

"If you're there, no. I told ya, you do the homework, and I'll copy off of you." I wink, remembering the first time I told her that.

"I distinctly remember you saying 'Yes!' all excitedly when Willow was telling us that spell she found that can make guys carry babies, can also make women impregnate other women."

"Uh, what day was that meetin'?"

"I don't know exactly. It was on a Saturday in December, why?" She looks all skeptical.

"'Cause it was durin' the playoffs, B. I had my earpiece in my ear and was listenin' to the football game through my phone."

"You suck, so hard."

I smile my flirty smile, the one with the dimples that she can't resist.

"Yeah, but you love when I suck hard."

She swats my arm.

"Damn, B. I'm gonna need to put in a plate. Between you Red and Dawnie, I'm gettin' beat ta shit"

"Baby"

"What?" I know she's callin' me a baby, but I like to mess with her and let her think I think she's sayin' my nickname.

"I'm calling you a baby."

"Is that how it's done? I thought Red could do a spell? And why would you call one now, don't you wanna wait until after we're married?"

She scoffs, rolls her eyes and then tries to roll away but I wrap her up in my arms.

"Don't be like that, sweets. I'm just messin'. Can I have some sugar?"

She gets a little smile on her face and then looks like she's thinkin' about it.

I pull her even closer and plant one on her nose. She giggles and leans down whispering her love against my lips before layin' a sweet kiss on them.

My heart gets that fucked up squeezed feelin' and I bury my face in her neck when we break our kiss.

"I love you so much, Buffy." I place light kisses on her neck and she sighs. "How did I get so lucky?"

"Stop thinking of it as luck, Faith. It's destiny."

"How did I get such a lucky destiny?"

I can feel her chuckle against my lips and it feels great, makes me wanna tickle her to get more chuckles.

"Don't even think about it, Faith!"

"About what?" I have my fingertips hovering right in front each armpit.

"About tickling me."

"You're no fun." I pout against her neck, breathin' in her scent deeply.

"And you love me that way."

"'Course I do, I'm crazy."

That brings more giggles and I'm happy. We shuffle up to the pillows and make out for a while, it doesn't go any further and I'm cool with that. Tonight was a big night even though I didn't get into a lot of my background, B knows I needed to get some of it out so that I would feel better about spillin' more later.

I can see Buffy's tryin' to fight off sleep, just in case I wanna share more. I give her one last kiss and say goodnight.

"I love you, Faith. Goodnight, sweet dreams." She snuggles up to me and soon we're both out like lights.


	4. Fuckin' Family, Dude

I stretch out and realize I'm alone in the bed. My eyes open and B's in front of the full length mirror checkin' out the back of her jeans.

"Mmmm, that ass is fine, baby. No need to look."

She laughs and turns to me.

"'Morning sweety!" She practically skips over and bends down to kiss me. She really has a death wish 'cause my breath is no picnic, or so I think. I'm all self conscious about it but Buffy doesn't seem to mind at all. She seems to never have mornin' breath, at least I don't ever notice it. Come to think of it, she's all self conscious about her breath in the mornin' too, so maybe we're immune to each other's breath. Or maybe slayers don't have it. Well original slayers, 'cause Kennedy's dog breath in the morning can kill.

And before you get the wrong idea about how I know that, she one time answered the door when B and I were goin' over to pick up Willow for brunch. K had patrolled late the night before and wasn't comin' with us. That reminds me, I'm pissed off at that fuckin' bitch for cheatin' on Willow.

"Why do you have that frowny face? Something wrong with my outfit?"

"Yeah, you shouldn't be wearin' anything. And you should be crawlin' back into bed with me. Why're you dressed anyway, B?"

"I'm going over to Willow's. We're having 'a girls day out'."

I get out of the bed and make it up.

"So domesticated my baby is." She says playfully as she swats me on the ass.

"Hey! Watch it there buddy, that ass is not insured yet." I stand up and wink.

"Oh, yes it is. I've got all my favorite body parts of your insured." She gives her own mischievous wink.

"How much you got the tits insured for?" Her eyes go wide and she gets all red. I love when she gets all embarrassed.

"Uh..."

"S'ok, I know they're worth about a million a piece." I lean in and give her a quick kiss and make my way into the bathroom.

When I get out she's in the hall closet gettin' her jacket and tryin' to find her other glove.

"I'll probably be gone all day, so you shouldn't wait for me to eat lunch and stuff."

I pout.

"Don't be like that, Faith. We'll spend tonight together, and if you're a good girl maybe you'll get lucky." She wiggles her brows.

"You mean, maybe I'll get _destiny_." I smirk.

She laughs and pinches my ass. "I keep forgetting who I'm dealing with. 'She who never forgets and then twists my words around for a joke.'"

"About sums it up." I wink. "So, 'girls day out'?"

"Yep," She puts on her scarf and knitted cap. "And you're not invited." She says cheerily.

Another pout from me. I really will miss her today. I'm feelin' kinda left out and I'm not sure why, she's had girls day outs before, and I've had 'em too. Usually it's guy/girl day out because me and Xander like to hang together. But today, I dunno, I'm just feelin' like I need to cling.

She leans in and gives me a warm hug. I really don't want her to go.

"I'll be back later. You have a phone call to make don't you?"

Oh, shit, that's why she's givin' me space. She's expectin' me to call my aunt. Fuck.

"Um..."

"Faith," She says in her mom voice and pulls back to look at me.

"Yes, sorry. I'll call my aunt."

"Good, and remember. No matter what, I love you and I'll be here for you."

"Yeah, right. You're goin' out. How will you be here for me?"

She looks a bit pissed at that and I have to backtrack in a hurry before she gets really mad.

"I'm sorry I said that, sweetheart. I was jokin' but you know how I can be an asshole sometimes."

"Don't worry, I'm well aware of how you like to rile me." She narrows her eyes for a second then gets a softer look. "I'll just be a phone call away, Faith. We're not going anywhere far, so if you need me just call and I'll be back here right away. Ok?"

"Ok." I look into her eyes, and see the love she has for me. I want to do good for her, so now it's time I stop bein' a baby. "I'll just miss you is all."

"I know, I'll miss you too." She gives me a peck on the lips and starts to pull back. I pull her back in for a deeper kiss. When we break she rests her head on my forehead. "I'll _really_ miss you."

She's still horny, I can tell.

"I'll take care of that little itch you've got there tonight, ok?"

She nods. I take one last small kiss from her and straighten her scarf.

"You and Red have a good day. Tell her I said, 'Hey'."

"I will, sweetness." She hesitates before leaving. "Good luck."

"I don't need luck, I've got you." I wink and she smiles before skippin' out, she's got that happy 'I'm in love' face and that makes me happy too.

I still can't believe she's with me sometimes.

Two hours have gone by since B left. I've had some coffee and grub, taken my shower and fucked around on the internet. Now I'm starin' at whatever's on the TV. I look at the piece of paper on the coffee table in front of me.

Shit.

And what the hell kinda area code is 857? Must be somethin' they set up for cell phones. Too many frickin' people in the world now, we're gonna run out of numbers. Then where will we be?

Ok, Faith. Smarten up! You're thinkin' about total bullshit because you're scared of callin' your aunt, so fuckin' get it over with already!

I dial the number and some chick picks up on the second ring, and my heart is fuckin' goin' nuts.

"Hello?" Must be one of my cousins but I don't recognize which one.

"Uh, yeah, Hi. Is Deborah there?"

"Who's callin'?"

"A friend."

"Well, most 'friends' turn out to be telemarketers, lady, and my ma doesn't need a new long distance provider."

Ok, this bitch is tough, must be Leah.

"Leah, just put my Aunt on the phone." I'm more relaxed now because Leah and I used to get along pretty well and I'm guessin' she'll be happy to hear from me.

"Faith?!"

"Yeah."

"You fuckin' bitch! Why haven't you called?!"

"I'm callin' now, and watch your language, pint size. I can still kick your ass."

"You and what army, fucknuts?"

I laugh. Nothin's changed.

"The ten fingered army, ya bitch. Now where's my aunt?"

"She's tryin' ta get the phone off me."

"You better put her on, Lee. I'll talk to ya later sometime."

"You fuckin' better! I'm so gonna kick your ass next time I see you. Everybody's been wonderin' if you were dead or not."

"I know, I promise, I won't bail like that anymore."

"Don't fuckin' make a promise you can't keep." Shit, she's really pissed. "Anyway, Ma's gonna nut out on me here, so here she is."

"Faith?"

Goddamn, I forgot how much she sounds like my ma.

"Hey, Aunt Dee."

"Oh my God, Faith! I never thought you'd call! I sent that letter over a month ago."

"I know, I'm sorry about that, I don't live in Boston anymore."

"I kinda figured, but I was hopin' it would be forwarded. Funny thing, I tried callin' that jail you said you were at, and they never heard of a Faith Lehane."

"Uhhh, yeah, about that..."

"Why would you lie about bein' in jail?"

"It's complicated."

"You in the witness protection program?"

"Well, I'm in a program, but we sorta do the protectin'."

"You're not feedin' me a line of bullshit are you?"

"No, Aunt Dee. I swear."

"So," I hear a little bit of rustlin' goin' on for a second. "212 area code. That's New York isn't it?"

I can hear Leah say "New York?!" in the background. I dunno if she's jealous or mad, or both.

"Yeah, I moved here about two years ago."

"Were you really out in California after you left here?"

"Yeah," I wonder whether I should tell her why I went out to California: to find Buffy. Don't know if I want to get into all that. I decide not to lie, but not to tell the whole truth. "Went out there to find a friend."

"Whatever happened to that foster mother you were with?"

Shit, she means my watcher.

"She..."

"She was the one brutally murdered in Cambridge right before you disappeared wasn't she?"

I wanna cry. I don't say anything but she can hear my breathin' gettin' different.

"I'm sorry about that, Faith. I read that she was a really good woman."

"She was," my voice breaks. I try to get myself under control by doin' some breathin' techniques.

"Your father thinks you're the one that did it."

Fuck! That just fuckin' pisses me off!! That bastard shouldn't even be called my father, he was just a sperm donor.

"I can hear your veins about to pop, now calm down. We all know he's an asshole, so we didn't listen. But the thing with the jail did kinda make us wonder."

"Yeah well, I did some fucked up things out in Cali, and I did spend some time in jail. I got out to help with something real important and they were so grateful they cleared my record."

"That must have been somethin' big you helped them with."

"It was." I hope she really doesn't ask me to go into more detail, I hate havin' to lie to her. She's always been good to me.

"For real, no shit? 'Cause if you're shittin' me Faith, I'm not gonna be happy."

"I'm not lyin' to ya Aunt Dee."

"Why didn't you let us know instead of thinkin' you were in jail still?"

"At first I was kinda messed up in the head when I went to jail, then I felt bad for even bein' in there, like I let you guys down. Then I felt bad for not keepin' in touch."

"You're just like your mother, ya know that? She'd be the same way, wouldn't call for weeks and weeks, and it was all because she felt bad about not callin'. I'll never understand you chicks."

I laugh at that. She's always callin' other women chicks or broads, sometimes dames and that just cracks me up.

"I know, 'cause you're not one of us."

"No, I'm perfectly perfect and won't ever be one of you _broads_."

We share a chuckle and then I get really curious about my grandmother. There's a few moments of silence and Aunt Dee breaks it finally.

"I'm really glad you called, Faith. Gee Gee's been askin' for ya. She's been in and out of the hospital recently."

Phew, she's not dead! I let out a sigh.

"What happened?"

"She fell from the steps and hit her head pretty good, she was in a coma for a couple of weeks. Tough lady though, she came out of it even when the doctor's said she wouldn't."

Heh, wonder who that sounds like?

"Really? Damn, I'm glad she came out of it. So why's she been in and out of the hospital?"

"She keeps gettin' dizzy spells and they don't want to take any chances."

"Is she home now?"

"No, she's back in the hospital. Do you think you can come up?"

Shit, I dunno if I can do this.

"Work's been pretty busy..."

There's another rustle on the phone and suddenly it's Leah.

"Fuckin' A, Lehane! I swear to Christ you better get your sorry ass up here or I'm comin' down there, kickin' Eli Manning in the head and draggin' you back here."

"Ha! Little bitter about the Pats losin' to the Giants huh?"

"Don't tell me you're a fuckin' NY fan? Oh, don't even tell me!" She talks to Aunt Dee. "Ma, Faith's gone over to the dark side, I think it's time we called in the boys to take her ass out!"

Dark side, fuck, these women have no clue what that really means in my world and how I really did go over to it.

"Don't get your G-string in a bunch, Leah. I haven't jumped ship on my hometown, I was just messin' with ya."

"Fuckin' phew." I can hear my aunt bitchin' at her in the background and Leah holds the phone away a bit 'cause she sounds a little far away. Aunt Dee must be tryin' to get the phone back. I can hear her say: _"Leah, watch that mouth of yours, and give me back the phone!"_

"No, old lady. Not until I'm done! So, Faith, for real now, you best be comin' up here like fuckin' soon. I don't want you disappointin' my ma and grandma. You feel me?"

She's one tough girl for teenager. She must be 17 or 18 now. I hear a baby cryin' in the background and Aunt Dee says: _"Leah, go get your son. Give me the phone!"_

Oh, fuck. Her son? Fuck. Her son. What the fuck is she doin'?!

"Hey, before anyone else says shit about me, I had a kid last year. Wasn't planned but I don't regret it, he's a fuckin' angel. Here's ma back."

"She's a real winner that one, huh?"

"A kid?"

"Yeah, she made a stupid decision. She wasn't lyin' when she said he's an angel, though, he really is. So cuuuuute!"

That makes me chuckle. I can just imagine him bein' cute like the male version of Leah. Everybody was always fawnin' over her and her cuteness.

"Bet that conversation was a hard one though, huh?"

"She's somethin' else, this one. She just came in one day, we thought she'd been havin' the flu for like a week or so 'cause she kept gettin' sick. So she comes in one day, says she's havin' a baby and she doesn't want no one to give her any shit. What could we say? She stayed in school and got straight A's. Even with all the ridicule she got she still made honor roll and got accepted to Yale. Your uncle wanted her to go to Harvard, but she's set on goin' to Yale, she's gonna wait a year though, she has some loose ends around here she needs to tie up and she doesn't want to leave Joey just yet."

Joey. I get a smile on my face. Leah always did the right thing. She named her boy after our Uncle Joe. She really is somethin' else, she always was the best one of us all. I knew that even though she was only 10 when I left Boston.

"She really got into Harvard?!"

"And a few other Ivy League schools. She's got a friend that's goin' to Yale, though, so they're gonna go together. She can't have Joey in the dorms and all freshmen have to live in the dorms so she's gonna leave him here to have us spoil him rotten." I can tell Aunt Dee is proud.

"That's gonna be hard on her though."

"It will, but she'll be fine. And it's not _that _far away so she can come back on the weekends. Hopefully she'll have a light schedule on Fridays. That's all a few months off anyway so, we'll see what happens."

"Damn, I can't believe the runt is doin' so well and had a kid. What the hell was that about? Wasn't she the one who used to get after me with the whole 'no kissing boys' thing?"

"You have no idea, and it's not my story to tell. You'll just have to haul your butt up here and find out."

"How bad off is Gee Gee?"

"The doctor's think pretty bad, but she keeps provin' them wrong."

"She's also a tough broad, huh?"

"The fuckin' toughest!"

I can hear Leah say: "_Ma! Watch the language around my impressionable boy! You expect me to leave him with you when I go to school?!"_

"Sorry," Aunt Dee says. She only curses when something really gets her goin' and my grandmother's toughness always does that to her.

"S'ok, I know what ya mean."

"How are the other girls?" My Aunt had 3 girls, Leah's the oldest, then there's Ashleigh and Julia.

"Oh, don't get me started! Ashleigh's already talking about getting her driver's license and Julia almost got expelled for the comics she draws. I told her not to bring them to school, but she doesn't listen, that one."

"Is Jules still droppin' logs behind the furnace?"

"Faith! God forbid! Oh my God! I forgot about that. Don't give her any ideas!! Lazy little...she'd probably just use the hamper in her room." Aunt Dee laughs. "I'm still pissed off at you for that ya know. Three days after you left I found a present she'd left in the clothes hamper in the basement."

I crack up.

"Don't laugh! Madonna Mi, what a stench! I had your uncle Jimmy throw the whole thing out, basket and all. You owe me towels!"

Shit, I didn't know the little one would have listened to me. Ya see, Jules had a problem with goin' to the toilet when she was three. She would go to pee alright, but would go behind the furnace to drop her deuce. No one knew why. So one day when it was really bad at my place and I was crashin' at Aunt Dee's I caught her makin' her way down to the furnace. After I took her to the toilet to do her business, for some fucked up reason I told her that big girls didn't go behind the furnace, they went in the hamper. To me it was the funniest fuckin' thing ever, but I didn't think about the consequences. Something I had a really hard time seeing back then. I just thought she wouldn't understand me, or she would assume I was crazy and not listen to me. Damn, I can imagine my uncle and aunt cursin' me up a storm when they found that hamper.

"So, what about you Faith? You got any kids?"

"Nah, not yet anyway."

"Ya married? Got a boyfriend?"

Fuck, moment of truth. I sigh.

"Girlfriend?" She says and I laugh. "What ya think we're not in the 21st Century or somethin'? This is Massachusetts baby, we legalized gay marriage first."

"Is it still legal there?"

"Why you and your girlfriend wanna get married here?"

"You're somethin' else, Aunt Dee."

"Well, spill already and then I won't have to pry it outta ya."

"I'll tell ya what, I'll bring her with me when I come up there and you'll get to ask her first hand."

"So, you do have a woman, is she nice?"

Leah just let out a whoop in the background. I hope that was a good whoop, 'cause cousin or not I would kick her ass.

"Yeah, she's the best. I met her out in California, she was actually the one I was goin' to see."

"And you've been together ever since? That's gotta be like what? 9 years or somethin'?"

"Well, not all those years for us were good. We were friends in the beginnin' then I did some shit that you wouldn't wanna hear. Then I went to jail, came out, she went to Scotland and I went to Cleveland for a while. We had to work with each other on a couple of missions, then I went to England for an assignment, and had to stay for a few months. Her sister would invite me to Scotland for the weekend and whatnot, but I found out that she was the one that really wanted me to spend some time there. Although she had a fucked up way of showin' it."

"Another one who doesn't like to say what she really wants, am I right?"

"Yeah, so it's not only me."

"I'm surprised you ever got together."

I chuckle, "Me too. But really, we were destined to be together."

"Well, I'm glad you finally settled down. Now all I gotta do is see to it that you get married and my debt to your grandmother will be paid."

"You're shittin' right?"

"I wish I was. She wants you to be married, and have kids, too."

"Does she care if it's not with a man?"

"You'll have to ask her, but my guess is no. She was pretty ok about it before."

"With who?"

"A few people, but we don't have time to go into all that right now. Oh shit! Look at the time!!" Again I hear Leah bitch at my Aunt for her language. "Sorry Faith, but we gotta go see Gee Gee, she's expectin' us."

"No that's cool. I'll call ya and let ya know when we're comin'."

"It better be soon, right?"

"Right, I promise."

"Not a 'Lehane' promise I hope?"

That makes me laugh. My dad and his family had a way of promisin' shit and never deliverin'. We learned not to listen. It doesn't bother me that she said that, you'd probably think it would 'cause it's my last name too 'n' all, but it really doesn't. Now, when I have my own family I can make the name better.

"No, an Aunt Dee special."

"Good, I'll hold ya to that."

"I know you will."

"Alright, so have a good day and tell...What's your girlfriend's name?"

"Uhhhh."

"What, I know her or something?"

"Nah, but don't make fun."

"Faith, gimme some credit."

"Her name's Buffy."

She cracks the fuck up and Leah's askin' what's so funny. I hafta laugh, too, because I remember my reaction to my watcher tellin' me what the chick's name was that had beaten demons like the Master and Angelus. It was too funny."

"Sorry, Faith, it's just, can she have more of a California name or what?"

"Well, I thought so too, but you'll have to meet her. She's an awesome girl. You guys'll love her."

"I'm sure we will. You tell Buffy we said, 'hi' and that we'll be expectin' ya both, _soon_."

"Ok, Aunt Dee, you guys better get rollin', Gee Gee'll kick your asses."

"I know!"

"I'll talk to ya later."

"Ok, and Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you called, honey. Love you."

"Love you, too." I start with the tears.

"Don't start cryin' or I'll get all teary and then Leah'll get pissed off."

"You sure she wasn't adopted?"

"What're you talkin' about? She's the carbon copy of you!"

"I know, I know."

"Bye, Faith."

"Bye, Aunt Dee."

I hang up and my heart feels as light as a feather. Shoulda fuckin' done that sooner! Story of my life, I'm always realizin' too late, that I coulda done something sooner and been happier. Fuck if I'll ever get that through my thick skull.

Not my fault though, my genes are riddled with stubbornness.


	5. Fuckin' Buffy

When Buffy comes home I'm in bed. She was later than she said she'd be but that's cool with me. I'm not one to get all suspicious, or mad about stuff like that. If you're late, you're late, it's not like we had plans. Well, we had sex plans, but she was the one they were for mostly, so her bein' late was just hurtin' her.

She tip toes into our room thinkin' I'm asleep. I reach out and grab her leg as she passes by.

The scream she lets out, I wasn't ready for and I scream too.

She turns on the light.

"Fuckin' hell, B!!"

"Jesus, Faith!"

"Who were you expectin'?"

Christ my heart feels like it's gonna explode, she's clutchin' at her chest too.

"I didn't realize you were awake!"

We take a moment or two to calm down.

"You weren't sleeping?"

"Uh, no."

She gets a suspicious smile on her face. "What was my nasty girl doing?"

I wink.

"Thinkin' about the conversation I had with my Aunt." I say all sexy and she gets a confused 'ick' face before the lightbulb goes off.

"Oh! How did that go?" She plops herself down on the side of the bed.

"It went better than I expected."

"That's good right?"

"Yeah, very good."

"How's your grandmother?"

"Not dead, which is awesome. But she's in the hospital. She fell about a month and a half ago and hit her head, was in a coma for about 2 weeks and they said she wouldn't come out of it. But she stuck it to them."

"Sounds like someone else I know." She smirks.

"Yeah? Who?"

"Smartass."

"So, my grandmother's in the hospital and Aunt Dee wants us to go up there."

"When do we leave?"

"Well, I was gonna make sure it was ok with you first."

"Does it look like I'm not ok with it?"

"No, but I didn't know if you'd have anything planned."

"When?"

"Next weekend?"

"Nope." She leans down to give me a kiss. "I'm proud of you, ya know."

"For what?"

"Do I really need to say it?"

"No, I'm just bein' a smartass."

"I'm glad you admit it."

"Never said I wasn't."

"What _did_ you say you were?"

"Best girlfriend ever."

"You think so?"

"Better than Kennedy, that shit's for sure." I smile expectin' her to smile too but she stiffens and looks all upset.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, Faith."

"Don't bullshit me, _Buffy_. Something happened."

"I don't want you getting upset."

"How can you tell me not to get upset when I don't know what I'm not supposed to be upset about?"

"Then you don't need me to tell you, because nothing good can come of it anyway."

"Fuck, B. Just spill it already!" I sit up.

"No, how can I tell you now? Look you're getting that vein popping out on your neck." She points to my neck like I can see it.

"Buffy, you can't just leave me hangin'. I want to know. What can be worse than already knowin' that Kennedy cheated on Red?"

"It's who she cheated with." She looks all nervous.

I'm puzzled for a minute and then it fuckin' dawns on me. Dawns...No, _that _possibility just popped into my head when I said that. At first I was thinkin' it might be Vi or Rona or one of the other former SITs but Kennedy did have that week in England and Dawn was gonna give her a room to stay.

"Faith, it's not me!! You're turning red."

"Was it Dawn?"

B looks as puzzled as I felt a second ago, "No!! Oh ewwww, no. I'd have broken her legs by now. No."

"Xander? Andrew?"

"Are you smoking crack? Andrew?"

"Xander?"

"No, stop thinking crazy."

"It's how I think, can't be helped."

"Ok, look I'll tell you, mostly because I don't want any other weird visions in my head." She shakes her head and I have to laugh at that. "It's just, if I tell you you're gonna be mad, and we had a night planned and all."

She's tryin' to salvage 'Sex Night'. She'd have to tell me really something distubin' to ruin that.

"You're not mad?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you think I'll be mad, why aren't you mad?"

"Because I think it's kinda funny, in a sick way."

"Buffy, I'm dyin' here, my head hurts now."

"Sorry. Ok, it was..." She gets up off the bed. "Danielle." She looks back at me and waits.

Like that's supposed to mean something to me. She looks surprised that I don't know who that is. I give her a 'Yeah, and?' look.

"Danielle who's in Italy."

I think about it a moment, "I remember a Danielle, about your height, was fuckin' funny how she looked just like you except for..."

OH FUCK NO!! One of B's body doubles!!

I leap out of the bed and Buffy's ready for me, she catches me around the waist and pulls me back into the room.

"I said not to get mad!!"

"Let me go, B. I'm gonna fuckin' kill her!!"

"Faith, calm down!!"

"How can you tell me to be calm?!"

"Because I don't want you upset, now quit it!!"

"B, think about it," I'm holdin' on to the door frame tryin' my best to pull myself out of her grasp. The wood's creakin' like a bitch. "What if it were _my_ body double she cheated with?!"

"I thought about that, and it wouldn't matter to me, the fact that she cheated at all is what I'm mad about!"

I relax a bit and it lets her pull me back to the bed.

"She's got real fuckin' problems that one!"

"I know."

"What's she got to say for herself?!"

"She said she was sorry."

"Sorry?! She'll be fuckin' sorry alright!"

I'm pacing around like a caged tiger.

"Don't do anything, Faith. Willow is handling it."

"Fuckin' millions of girls in the world, and thousands of slayers! Why did she pick one of your doubles?!"

"I didn't ask."

"Well, I fuckin' think I know, and it's the reason she's been a total asshole to me since she and Will got back!"

"Faith, don't even go there!"

"Buffy, don't tell me what to do, it's a perfectly good place to go!"

"No, it's not! It's a very, very, weird place to go, and I don't want to think about it! I didn't want this tonight! Shit!"

Shit, she said 'shit'. That means she's gettin' totally pissed and I feel bad because tonight was supposed to be her and me and no hang ups. Just me lovin' her, and her lovin' me back. Instantly all the anger I feel suddenly becomes less. It's not totally gone away, but it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is the woman standin' in front of me, right here and now.

I sit down on the bed and let thoughts of killin' Kennedy leave my mind. I reach out for Buffy's hand and she lets me take it. I hold it in both of my hands, just lookin' at it, tryin' to let her strength soothe me. She puts her other hand in my hair and strokes some of the strands out of my face, before tippin' my chin up so I can look in her eyes.

"It wasn't me, Faith. It'll never be me."

"I know, B. It's just..."

"I know, and we're on it. She's either up to something or she's in love with me." She shudders a little at that.

My hands squeeze hers tighter but not too hard, I'm just gatherin' some of that strength. I stroke her knuckles and rub the back of her hand. The diamonds in her ring are so sparkly they look like they're winkin' at me. Makes me wanna kiss 'em, so I do. She puts her hand back in my hair and strokes my head lovingly. I'm at peace.

I finally look back up into her eyes and she's smilin' down at me. My heart pangs. Fuck, she's gorgeous. And she smells fuckin' awesome too. I smell somethin' more than her perfume, which I really like, but fuck if I can remember the name of it. Blue or somethin' like that. I wear whatever she gets for me 'cause she says she loves to smell it on me. And if you didn't realize it before, I'm all about what she wants. Anyway, this time I smell tomato sauce mixed in with the perfume. I pull her down so she's straddlin' my lap and I bury my face in her chest.

One of my favorite places in the world. I visit often. Best part about visitin' here is, I'm always welcome.

"Mmmm, you smell like lasagna, baby." I say into her sweater.

"That's 'cause Will and I went to that restaurant in Little Italy."

"No! Buffy, you know I love that place! Why did you go there without me?" I pout into the girls.

"Will needed some comfort food and we were down there so I took her."

"Carmine'll think I'm in the dog house. We always go there together." I look up at her and pout.

"I told him you were spending time with family and he understood. He gives you his best. By the way, I didn't leave you hanging." She gets that mischievous smile I love to see on her. "I brought you something."

I get up so fast that I almost topple her to the ground, at the last second I catch her before she hits her head on the floor.

"Woah! Good save. I would have kicked your ass for that one."

"Sorry, baby." I secure her to me by putting her arms around my neck and run into the kitchen. "Where is it?!"

"Fridge."

"Oh, fuck, B. Is this what I think it is?!" I take out the aluminum foil package and cradle it like the Holy Grail.

"Meatball sub with extra provolone. There's also some dessert in there for ya."

"Tiramisu?"

"Mmmhmmm"

"Oh, baby, you're the fuckin' BEST!"

"You ate popcorn for dinner, didn't ya?"

"You know me all too well." I put on a funny voice. "Youuuu know toooo much." Buffy giggles and I set her on the counter while I heat up my sandwich in the toaster oven.

While it's heatin' I stand in between her legs and show her how much I missed her. Damn, kissin' her is the best thing in the world! I missed her a lot today. I'm gettin' to be a real wuss when it comes to shit like this. And ya know what? Who the fuck cares! It feels awesome to have someone like this, and I don't care what my old friends would think.

The timer goes off and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I don't care, let it burn, I didn't have this all day.

Buffy pulls back and I groan.

"Faith! It's gonna burn!"

Oh, shit! It's double provolone, I can't let that shit go to waste. Besides I can always go back to kissin' her when I'm done piggin'.

"Damn, B. I..."

"Words fail you over balls of meat, tomato sauce and cheese. That's good to know."

"Smartass. I was goin' to say, I don't need this when all I really need is you, but now me and Mrs. Meatball Sub will be gettin' busy while you sit there all gettin' nothin'." I wave my hand dismissin' her.

"Would you just eat the damn thing already!"

Oh, I know what's goin' on here. She didn't eat dessert because she wanted to share it with me, and she's a little impatient. Probably a little impatient about what she's gonna get after dessert, too. 'Cause yeah, she's still gettin' that, I won't let her down. As long as I can keep the thoughts of Kennedy and Buffy's double out of my head, shit.

I sigh right before I was gonna take a bite.

"Are you getting nostalgic over the sandwich? Should we adopt it?"

That makes me laugh. Fuck it, I'm hungry. No thoughts of that 'whoooer' again tonight. But we _will_ have to hash that shit out, because I'm not givin' it up that easy.

Wow, that was a good goddamn sandwich, hit the spot! I wash it down with a beer and wrap my arm around Buffy as I drink. I didn't let her get down off the counter, while I ate standin' up. It wasn't gonna take me that long so why let her go somewhere and have to go lookin' for her? Besides, she got to share some of my meatballs.

"Uuuuurp!" I turned my head right at the last second for that one. Good thing 'cause that would have been right in B's face.

"Charming. Any more bodily functions in your repertoire tonight?"

I smile at her all satisfied. "A few, but nothin' you won't like." I wink, lettin' the meanin' of that sink in while I reach for the container with the dessert.

"Can I get down off the counter?"

I stand back between her legs. I shake my head no as I open the container.

"No?"

"Uh, uh."

"Are you just going to eat it in front of me?"

"If ya want I'll eat it off ya, but no. I'm gonna feed ya."

"Awww. You'd feed me?"

I nod. "When you're old and decrepit I'm gonna be feedin' ya mashed peas and junk."

"Oh, and I'm sure you'll be all young and not decrepit right?"

"I _am_ younger than you, B."

"By like a year."

"You say potato and I say po_tah_to."

"Yeah, I bet you did." She gets a thoughtful look. "Did you have a thicker Boston accent, baby?"

I think of it while I spoon out some of the Tiramisu. "Ya mean thicker then when I first went out to SunnyD?"

"Uh huh." She accepts the spoonful I offered to her. "Mmmm. Damn, that's so good!"

I lean in and kiss her and taste the coffee liqueur and cream on her tongue. "I know right, best in NY!" I say when I pull back.

"So did you?"

"Yeah, well, for some reason I didn't have a real, real strong accent. And I tried not to let it show so much when I got to SunnyD, didn't want to be the odd one out." I chuckle, "I mean more than I already was."

She gets a little glare, because she doesn't want to rehash that old argument, then she softens as she accepts another spoonful into her mouth. Her eyes roll up a little as she's givin' head to the spoon. I know that's not how she'd like me to describe it, but I'll be fucked if that isn't what it looks like she's doin'! She 'Mmmms' again and pulls back waitin' for me to eat some so she can have some more.

God damn she's makin' me hot!

"And now?"

"Now?" What the fuck were we talkin' about?

"Yeah, where's your accent now? I only really notice it when you say anything with an 'a' or an 'o'."

"What like 'one'?"

"No, like with a short 'a' or a long 'o'."

I wasn't much for payin' attention in class and this conversation is startin' to get funny to me.

I put my hand on her head, "How about stuff with a short 'b'," I move my hand to under her ass, "And a big 'a'?"

She narrows her eyes at me and I wink. "I'm letting that go mostly because I want to know about your accent. But keep up the short comments and I'm kickin' _your _big 'a'."

"Got it."

"Anyway, as I was saying, I mostly hear your accent when you say things like 'Aunt' and some other things like 'anything' or 'about'."

I'm puzzled by that. "How do I say Aunt?"

"Like that, silly."

"Well how do you say it?"

"Aunt."

"What was the difference?" I'm confused.

"Ok, let me demonstrate, and this is not me makin' fun of your accent or heritage or Boston or anything like that, ok?"

Ha! Seems we've gotten into a few of those arguments before, she's coverin' all the bases.

"Ok."

"Ok, you said 'Ahnt' and I said 'Ant'."

"Oh! 'Ant' like the bug."

"Yeah."

"Shit, I never noticed that before."

"Really?"

"No, it sounded to me like we were sayin' the same thing. I guess I'm not too observant with that stuff."

"I think it's cute."

"You would."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Uh oh, I stepped over the boundary into 'get my ass kicked territory'.

"Nothin', sweety. I was just jokin'. You want some more of this?" I distract her with 'coffee creamy goodness' as she would say.

She nods her head while keepin' one stink eye on me.

"You givin' me the 'Mal-oik', B?"

"The what?" She 'mmmms' again as she eats another spoonful.

God, what she does to that spoon is probably illegal in most southern states. I have to shake my head to concentrate.

"The Mal-oik, it's really pronounced Mal'occhio. Meanin' bad eye. Or stink eye as the Americans say."

She's got a dreamy look on her face, "Say that again."

"Stink eye?"

"No, the Italian word."

"Oh, Mal'occhio."

"That's too sexy. Why didn't you ever speak Italian before?"

"I totally did!"

"Pizza, pasta, lasagna and meatball sub, doesn't count!"

She's a nut, I laugh at the meatball sub thing.

She looks serious, "Why didn't you tell me about your family before, Faith?"

I get ashamed. I don't really have a good excuse. I just didn't want her to know much about me.

"You'll get mad, B."

I hold up another spoonful and she shakes her head. I sigh and put it back into the container and she takes it out of my hand and sets it down next to me.

"I promise I won't."

I look over her shoulder and she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me closer. She gives my forehead a sweet kiss.

"I just didn't want you knowin' much about me."

"Why not?"

"'Cause if you knew how..."

"Messed up?"

"Sorta."

"Normal?"

"That, too."

"Faith, I haven't found out too much about you that I haven't liked. Except your unwillingness, or inability to share with me. And don't look like that."

I must be givin' her the stink eye.

"I'm just saying I don't know why it's so hard for you. Unless you've got more painful things that you want to keep hidden. Or..."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll find out that you used to wear fuzzy bunny slippers and liked Barbie dolls."

"Shit, I loved Barbie dolls! No mystery there."

"You did?!"

"Yep, loved to have her and her 'friend' Skipper in all sorts of compromisin' positions. Used to drive my mom apeshit."

"Was Skipper the brunette?"

"Yep, she was all sporty."

"Ha!" She starts laughin'.

"What's so funny."

"You were totally acting out our relationship even before we met."

I start laughin' with her. "I guess it _is_ destiny!"

That has her laughin' even harder.

Somehow we end up frantically kissin'. I'm undoin' her jeans and she's pullin' my shirt up over my head.

Head. Sounds like a plan. I can't resist her; her scent is so strong it's drivin' me nuts. I can see that her panties are darker over her crotch as I spread her legs on the counter. Shit, she's gonna totally freak about this later 'cause it's 'oogy' to think her friends stand at this counter and she had sex on it but fuck it, I don't care about that right now and neither does she apparently 'cause she's spreadin' those beautiful legs for me.

I want to kneel down and worship her, but the counter's too high for that and I don't want to pull her off to make her stand. It's a feeling I've had since yesterday, and I don't know why but it's kinda overwhelmin'. I guess I could still worship her like this. I pull her hips closer to the edge and bend slightly bringin' my face closer to her center, I can see that her clit is hard and strainin' against the material, I place a kiss on it as I take a deep breath. I can hear her sigh and she places her hands on my head. That makes me smile.

"You're so wet, B. And you smell so good, just like honey." I look up into her eyes and can see the desire in them gettin' too much, something's gotta happen. Now.

I pull off her jeans and shoes, I leave her socks on. Shit, that's so hot. Everything seems to be heightened. My senses, her hotness. I'm shakin' with desire as I reach for her panties. She sees this and takes my hands in hers to calm me.

"It's ok, baby. Take your time."

"Oh I will, sweetness. You're in for a hell of a ride, you might want to hold on." I wink at her then place her hands back on my head and start pullin' off her panties. She lifts her hips to help me and I can see her pussy is drippin'. My clit twitches and that's it, I can't stand it any longer. I bend down and take a long lick tastin' her from bottom to top.

"Fuck, Faith!" She says loudly as she feels my tongue slip over her reddened clit. It's so fuckin' hard and swollen. She's got one of the biggest clits I've ever seen. She was so totally self conscious about it, she wouldn't let me go down on her for the first couple of weeks we were together. She thought I would make fun of her 'cause I would think she was a freak or somethin'. That was when we were still havin' some trust issues. Anyway, I had to show her I didn't think that, and I did it _all_ night.

I suck it into my mouth and roll my tongue around it, I hear a loud bang and I can only imagine Buffy's hand, that just left my hair, hit the door of the cupboard. She's moanin' and gaspin' and cursin' like you wouldn't believe. She's also tryin' to fit her whole crotch into my mouth and I have to hold her hips in place on the counter or she'll buck me off, and/or break my nose. That last one is not really a fun thought because then she'd want to stop doin' what we're doin' and I don't wanna!

I move my mouth away and spread her legs just a bit more, she's so open and swollen, her lips are glistenin' and I can see them pulsin'. Shit, it won't be long now. I dive right back in and gather some of that sweet juice. Then I push my tongue into her hole and fuck her like that until she's right on the edge. I don't know what I want to do more, feel her come with my tongue in her, on her clit, or while I'm kissin' her. So, I make a decision, I'll just have to fuck her two more times, at least, and then I'll be satisfied. I see her throbbin' clit and it's callin' to me. I wrap my lips around it and hear that loud bang again, then Buffy puts her hands in my hair to hold on as her clit explodes in my mouth.

"Fuck yes!! Faith, yes!! Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" Her hips are doin' their damndest to buck me off, but I cling to her like I wanted to all day.

Finally she quiets down and her thighs relax their hold on my head. "Mmmmmmmm."

"Mmmmmm is right, B. I don't know what's sweeter, you or the dessert."

"Really?"

I lap up all her remaining juices and give a quick kiss to her clit, she shivers a little. Now she's got that face that I love so much. That dopey, sleepy, doc face. Ha! Kiddin'. It's that dopey, sleepy, just-got-the-best-head-ever face.

"Nah, you win hands down. Sweetest muffin' ever." I wink at her.

She pulls me up to her and I immediately plunge my tongue into her mouth, she starts suckin' on my tongue like I was suckin' on her clit and now it's my turn to moan. She wraps her legs around my waist and I start massagin' her lower back and ass. Damn, she's still horny. I can tell because she's rubbin' herself on my stomach. It feels hot, wet and nasty and I fuckin' love it!

I let her dictate the pace because I don't want to hurt her, she'd still be pretty sensitive after that monster orgasm she just had. I just have to wait until she's at that point of no return and then I can do my thing. I've decided, I wanna suck her while she's leanin' against the counter and I'm kneelin' down. I know it's weird, but I just can't shake that thought and I'm pretty sure she'd get off really hard.

I break our kiss and look into her eyes as I roll her nipple between my fingers. She lets out a groan and grinds herself harder on my stomach. Her hands find their way back into my hair and she pulls me down to her lips for another deep kiss. I can hear her breathin' get more shallow and I know that's my cue to do what I need to. I break my contact with her mouth and she pouts and I smirk at her while she tries to lock her ankles around my waist.

"Uh, uh, uh, baby." She gets a deep frown on her pretty face. "Hey, none of that, I wanna try something."

She quirks an eyebrow.

"You'll have to get down off the counter." I spread her legs so I can step back to let her get down off the counter.

"I-I'm not sure I can stand."

"I'll help you." I kneel down as she slides down from her perch.

She stands before me with her thighs quivering slightly. I smooth my palms over them makin' her hips jump a littl. I still have that overwhelming feelin' of wantin' to worship her. Well, I guess I'm in the perfect position to do that.

I bring her hips forward as I lick up her inner right thigh, I can feel her flesh tremble under my tongue. While my tongue explores her thighs I rub her ass cheeks and listen to her moan.

"Faith, that feels so good, baby." She whispers out.

After lickin' the juices off her skin that had leaked out from her pussy, I concentrate on the source of the wetness. First, I push my nose in close and breath deep. Shit, it smells so good it's makin' me lightheaded. I'm pretty sure I've never been this turned on by givin' her head before. Or anyone else for that matter. Next, I lick around her hole and lips but I'm careful not to touch her clit just yet. I want her to get harder first. I blow some air onto her clit and she gasps.

I look up and she's got one hand on her nipple as the other is holdin' on to the counter. Her hair looks wild and she's shakin' her head from side to side. I lean in and with every swipe of my tongue over her hole, her pussy leaks out more juice. I smile. I want her to come so hard in my mouth that she can't walk anymore. I had better do more than just tease her if I want to count that as a mission accomplished.

Reachin' up, I roll her other nipple in my hands as I study her pussy for a minute. It's so pretty. Her clit's all red and swollen and peakin' way out from her hood. Her pink lips are puffy and glistenin' and her hole keeps winkin' at me everytime I pinch her nipple. As for Buffy, she looks like she's tryin' to climb the fuckin' counter and cabinets backwards.

"I love this so much."

"What?" She couldn't hear what I whispered.

"Your vertical smile." I grin because I just remembered a poem I wrote to her a year ago. It was our first official Valentine's Day as a couple, and as usual I fucked up.

Buffy was doin' what she always does with stuff like that, she was plannin' a romantic day for just the two of us, and I asked her what she wanted. Of course, like most girly girls she says "Nothing." because that's the polite and proper thing she was taught that a lady should say. So, what does fucknuts (me) do? I get her just what she said she wanted.

Let me tell ya, big fuckin' mistake. She was really disappointed and I played it off like I was kiddin'. Well, she knew better and got all hurt, but she didn't say much about it. That's when she developed a case of the 'get-the-fuck-out-of-my-sights' and bein' the stubborn person I am, I granted her request and took a walk. Good thing I did 'cause I saw this flower shop, where I was able to snag some really fuckin' righteous roses for the bargain price of half the hundred in my pocket. Then I saw this stationary store and bought a card with a pretty girl smilin' at a flower. I had to buy a pen and then I walked around for a while before sittin' on a bench to collect my thoughts.

I coulda probably collected all the thoughts I had in a thimble. I was drawin' a fuckin' blank. I mean, I knew I loved her, and all, but I didn't just want to write 'I love you'. So I did the next best thing. I drew from my wealth of smutty jokes and poems that I used to amuse myself with. So I wrote:

I love your toes,

I love your nose.

I love your hair,

I love your stare.

I love your grace,

I love your face.

I even love when I haven't seen you in a while,

'cause if I get lucky you let me see your vertical smile.

Dumb as shit? Yeah, but it made her laugh, after she frowned at it for a while. I had put it in front of her door (it wasn't my apartment yet) and knocked. Then did the chicken shit thing to do and peaked around the corner to see how she would take it. She laughed and called out my name and I came slinkin' back to her. She said it was the best present she had got in a long time, and I told her I was sorry for bein' such a retard about presents and things. She forgave me, even though she denied carin' about not gettin' a gift and we had hot sex in her bed before goin' out to a café for a really nice time of just starin' and fondlin' the shit out of each other between bites of pastry and sips of coffee. It was a great day.

So, back to right now. She lets out a small laugh at my vertical smile joke, and then gets a look of 'just fucking service me already', well she wouldn't ever say something like that but I wish she would. I'd like her to be more dominant and forceful sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to want her to go all Mistress Buffy or nothin' but I'd be her fuckin' slave for a while.

With that in my mind I let go of her thighs and clasp my hands behind my back. I follow my instinct and bow my head while sitting back on my haunches. I hope I'm usin' that word right, I'm pretty sure I've read that before in that old timey porn shit I found in one of Buffy's drawers before we were together. But that's a story for a different day.

My sudden hands-off action gets noticed by Buffy and she stops her body from tryin' to grind into my face.

"Faith? What's wrong?" Her voice is confusion mixed with desire and a bit of fear. I'm not sure if it's fear of what's wrong, or fear of me not continuin'. Probably both.

I look up at her and give her a wink and a smirk and I see the look on her face become more relaxed. Her eyes narrow as she gets what I'm doin'.

"Have you been a bad girl, Faith?" Shit, the way she said that made my heart clench and then start beatin' double time. My pussy contracts as the blood gets shot straight down to it.

Oh fuck, if she says she needs to spank me for bein' bad I just might come. Fuckin' crazy!

"Have you?!" She says a sternly.

I sport my best defiant look and tilt my head a little as I say, "Never, Buffy."

"Well," She gets the seductress tone back in her voice. "I don't believe you."

"You never do, what's new?"

Oh shit, she looks hurt and doesn't know what to say. She looks away from me. Now I have to break this little role-play to explain the rules. Damn!

"Hey, B." She doesn't look at me. I place my hands gently on her thighs and rub soothingly. "Baby, this is just a little bit of fun, ok? What we say durin' it doesn't matter 'cause it's not true. Ok?"

"I don't know if I can do this, Faith."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." I'm still rubbin' her thighs. "Look at me sweetheart." She looks at me with a hint of embarrassment in her face. "I-I've never done this before, B. I just wanted to try it with you."

She looks completely amazed by that. "Never?"

"Nope."

"You've never role-played the slave and master thing?"

"Uhhh, well, yeah."

She gets a confused look on her face. Kinda more like disbelievin'. She probably thinks I did a whole messa shit I didn't do. But that's not because she's bein' a bitch, that's because I used to run my mouth off a whole hell of a lot and bragged about shit I didn't do. 'Cause I'm an ass like that.

"Then what?"

"Well, I never played the slave."

Her eyebrows take up residence somewhere in her hair line and then quickly narrow. I can see it's gonna take some more convincin'.

"I can believe that."

"Yeah?" I'm a little disbelievin' now.

"Yeah, because you're always trying to be on top."

I laugh at that as my hands continue to smooth the flesh on her thighs.

"Please, baby? Just let me do this... you don't have to get violent or nothin'. I- I just feel like I need this." And wow, I do. I want to be under her control. Fuck, I hope I don't go all weird later and hold a grudge 'cause she said or did some shit she didn't have a right to, but I have a feelin' she's not gonna take it there. She's my baby and we're all instinctual with each other.

"Who said you could put your hands on my thighs like that?"

Oh, fuck! God damn I just came in my pants. Well, not really, but I woulda if I had been on the edge. I kinda cooled down a bit when she got that hurt look in her eyes.

"N-nobody."

"You're fuckin' right, nobody." Ha! She's channelin' me! "Put 'em back behind your back, and don't look at me like that. You look at me when I tell ya."

There's a few moments of silence and it makes me tingle with anticipation. I wonder what's she's plottin' in that beautiful head of hers. But knowin' her, she's gonna need some more help.

"Uh, Faith?" She says in her own voice.

"Yeah?" I still don't look up.

"That's not too much is it? Stuff like that?"

"Nah, you just go with what feels right."

"Should we have some kinda word?"

"Yeah, how about, 'time out'. Simple, works, it's a classic."

"Ok, sorry about stopping again."

"Don't worry, you're doin' fine."

She takes my head in her hands, but doesn't tilt it up so I can look at her.

"I like your hair, it's pretty." She waits. "You're not gonna say 'thank you"?"

I shrug.

"Well, that's fuckin' ungrateful don'tcha think?" She waits again, then gets it. "You may speak."

"Thanks."

"That's better." She strokes my hair and finally brings my face up to look at her. "You're such a pretty girl, you know that?"

I give a slight shake of my head and look away.

"Well, I'm tellin' ya, you're gorgeous, and don't let anyone tell you fuckin' different, got it?"

She guides my face gently back to her and I smile, she's gonna dominate me in her own way, and that's cool. Just as long as she makes me suck her off.

She crouches down a little and runs her hand down my arm. I can hear her breath gettin' shallow, this is turnin' her on.

"Such beautiful skin, I wish mine was so beautiful. Did you deal for it?" She asks that with a little bitterness in her voice. "You may answer."

"No, you're always rubbin' shit into it remember?"

She wants to laugh, I can tell, but she recovers and puts her hands on my tits.

"You should watch your tongue."

Oh, fuck, I hope she goes where I think she's goin'.

"I love your tits." Shit, I'm gonna pass out, she said 'tits' and she wasn't in the throws of orgasm or pissed off.

Her breathin's getting really labored and I can smell her pussy gettin' wetter.

"Can I speak?"

"If you must."

"I don't wanna sound like a bitch ma'am."

"Don't call me ma'am," She says all testy. "I'm not your mother, or married yet. Call me Miss."

"Sorry, Miss. But my tongue's not made to be watched."

"No?"

"No."

"What's it made for then?"

"You."

"You're fuckin' right it is." She gives both nipples a squeeze and rubs the flesh a little more then stands up. "Up on your knees, girl. Let's see what that tongue was really made for."

Yes, fuck, B. I love you, I love you, I love you!

I go to put my hands on her legs and she swats at them.

"I said, no touchin' unless I tell you to. Got it?"

I nod.

"Good, don't make me get mad again."

I nod again and place my hands behind my back, she takes my face between her hands once more. She bends down quickly and nibbles my lip a little and then snakes her tongue into my mouth when I part my lips. This little role-play, while tame by probably every one in the world's standards, is just rough enough for her to be turned on. Maybe one day we'll take it a little further, but it's enough for now.

She breaks our kiss and looks deep into my eyes, "Now suck it, bitch." I can almost see her mentally cringe at that one, but I'm proud and so fuckin' turned on by that I can hardly breathe.

I scoot up a little towards her and she guides my face into her crotch. Her clit is harder than I've ever seen it, and that's definitely harder than I saw it earlier. I lick around it tentatively like I don't know what I'm doin' and she puts her hand on the back of my head.

"Yeah, like that. Oh fuck, just like that."

I let myself go of my need for dominance and go with what she's givin' me. I still lick around it like I'm not sure and hang back while she's tryin' to get more of her into my mouth.

"Miss, would you like me to make it wet for you?"

Her knees buckle slightly at that. I don't know why that popped into my head but it did and she liked it.

"Yes, yes, Faith. Th-that would be good. Y-yeah that would be good." She falters a little in her dominatrix speak, but I'm not gonna call her on it. She's my fuckin' goddess, who am I to question my goddess?

Even I'm not that dumb.

I make my tongue wet and as flat as I can and push it up against her clit. I massage it up and down, creatin' a rhythm that I know will get her goin' in no time.

"Yes, so fuckin' good, Faith, so fuckin' good."

"Mmmmmmm." I moan into her, makin' my tongue vibrate on her clit and she gasps and pulls my head into her with such suddenness and force that I can't help but take all of her in.

Fuckin' A, dude! My pussy is drippin' wet and I can feel my clit throb, I squeeze my legs together a little to get some friction. Shit, I _will_ come without her touchin' me. It's possible 'cause without a doubt, if I feel her come on my tongue I'm a goner.

Her clit is pulsin' on my tongue as I wrap my lips around it and pump my mouth back and forth into her crotch. She's holdin' onto my head for all she's worth and the stream of obscenities that come out of her mouth would make a hardened criminal blush, I know, 'cause I'm blushin'!

I take a chance that she's not gonna say shit about me usin' my hands and feel around her hole, it's drippin' like you wouldn't believe and I can feel her pussy pulsin'. Oh shit, she's about to fuckin' blow. I start suctionin' really hard and she bucks her hips into my face. I make sure my fingers are nice and wet by collectin' her juices on them. In a move that would be called fuckin' smooth, I remove my mouth from her clit and replace it with my wet fingers then dip my tongue into her hole.

It's pulsatin' and quiverin' on my tongue as I frantically jerk her clit with my fingers, makin' the spasms in her pussy stronger. I don't care that my neck feels like it's gonna break or that I can't breathe all too well or that B's about to rip my hair out of my head.

"Mmmmmmmmmother fucker!!"

And that's it, her clit explodes between my fingers and her pussy clenches on my tongue. Her back rears up and I have to catch her around her waist or she would have banged her head on the cabinets and probably have knocked herself out while bustin' a Buffy shaped hole in them. Mmmm Buffy's hole. It's still clenchin' on my tongue and she's grindin' her hips on me as I try to get more of my tongue up her. I wanna touch the sky! And right now, I believe I could fuckin' FLY!

I reach down and touch my clit and it does its own impression of Buffy's clit and explodes. I moan my pleasure into her and she lunges forward and clutches at my back. I think she's tryin' to put all of me up her. That's a funny fuckin' thought but one I wouldn't mind her doin' at this point.

"Oh, Faith. Oh my god." She's tryin' to gauge what size nuke went off in the house. "I-I can't take any mo-more, baby. Not right now."

"Mmmmm," I make my tongue vibrate in her hole as I take my fingers off her clit. I'm tryin' to get all the juice she's got to give. Finally, when I feel her legs start to go I pull out.

"I don't think I can stand." She giggles as she holds herself up by hangin' onto my head.

"I gotcha, B." I kneel up and wrap my arms around her back as she slides down to a kneelin' position. "Hi, there, Miss."

She laughs. "God, Faith. I don't know how I'm still conscious. That was...I can't even..."

"I know, B. I know. I fuckin' loved it. I love you, Buffy." I place kisses around her face as I express my love for her over and over.

She pushes against me and brings us down to the floor. No one does anything for a few minutes as we both try to recover. My mind is knittin' itself back into place, and she's probably tryin' to call hers from out of the clouds.

"Can we just sleep on the floor tonight?"

I laugh at that and poke her in the side.

"I don't know about you. But these old bones can't take the hard floor anymore."

"Yeah, old bones." She scoffs.

She lifts her head and places it on my chest, lookin' at me as I play with her hair.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"For what?"

"Do I have to tell you?"

"Would I be askin'?"

She laughs.

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

"You're welcome. Did you like it?"

"I think I liked it a little too much." She gives me a shy look.

"Oh, really? So you could get into somethin' like that?"

"W-well... I wouldn't get into anything like hardcore, but..." She looks really embarrassed and nervous about sayin' something wrong.

"But what?"

"But I liked having you at my mercy." She looks like she said something naughty and then gets quiet.

I think she might be worried that she's takin' advantage of my abandonment issues, or my fucked up mother or father issues.

"Ya did huh?" I give her a reassurin' look and a smile.

She nods. "You're so strong and sure, and to have you give that to me was, God, Faith, I can't describe it."

"I think I know what you mean, B."

"You do?"

"Yeah, it's kinda like my need to give that to you. I want you to have that part of me. You're the only one that could do that to me."

"Really?"

"Yep, I never let a fucker get close to that. They'd try the dominance thing on me and I'd have 'em chained up so fast it would make their head spin. And not in a good way."

She looks thoughtful.

"What's the matter, Buffy?"

"I just feel like maybe I'm taking advantage of you."

Do I know my girl or what?

"I'm not helpless, B."

"I know."

"Well then you should know that you're not takin' advantage of me. I've always been able to do what I want, when I want to." I kiss her hands gently after each point. "If I wanted to stop you I would."

She raises an eyebrow. "So, I can be on top from now on?" Then grinds her hips into mine.

"Uh," I check out momentarily because that felt fuckin' good. When I come back to myself I roll her over and grind down into her, she lets out a gasp. "Not so fast, woman. I give you a taste of power and you go all Master and Commander on me?"

I pick up the rhythm of my hips and she starts moanin'. Fuck that's hot. Shit, she makes me crazy! Have I said that a thousand times already? I'll be sayin' it a thousand times more because that's just what she does to me. Only this time it's in a good way, not in the 'I'm gonna kill all your friends and most of Sunnydale' way.

I make sure that each time I grind down I hit her clit square on. She holds my hips in place and fucks herself up into me.

"Toppin' from the bottom, baby?" Her eyes go wide and then she smiles sheepishly. "No touchin' unless I say so!" I smile at her to show her I'm jokin'. But I reach down and take her hands from my hips. I lace her fingers through mine and pick up the pace of the see-saw motion this creates.

"Oh yeah, Faith. You do that so well. So fucking well, sweety." Potty mouth, she turns me on when she does that.

"You make me so hot, B." I pick up the pace and she groans and gasps. I lean down and capture her lips with my own. We share a deep kiss that doesn't break until Buffy starts down that path that will lead to her comin'. Her breathin' gets shallower and her groans become louder. In a few moments I can feel that she's right on the edge and she's holdin' there because I slowed it down a little and changed our rhythm. I can see her strain against me to get the rhythm back, but I wanted this moment to last.

I reach down between us and finger her clit and that does it for her.

"OHHHHH Faaaaaith, FUCK!"

I remove my fingers and bang myself into her, pumpin' for all I'm worth. She lets go of my hands and wraps her arms around me tryin' to get me closer.

For some fucked up reason Graucho Marx pops into my head and says 'Any closer and I'll be in back of ya.' I sob out a short laugh which distracts me for a split second but then the pace of my clit grindin' just right on her quiverin' pussy sends my thoughts somewhere into the upper stratosphere.

My brain is driftin' back in and I can feel Buffy strokin' my back.

"Was it nice where you were?"

Brat. I've used that line on her before. Especially when she spaces out durin' meetin' thinkin' about what she's gonna do to me.

'Cause yeah, little Miss Priss might try to say she's not thinkin' about sex, but I know she is. It's only happened a few times, but when it does Giles will call her name and she'll jump like a frightened cat. Then she'll turn redder than a tomato and look at me like I know what she's thinkin' and I'm gonna call her on it. Which I don't, by the way. You think I'm stupid and would hurt my chances to get whatever she was plannin' to give me? Sadly mistaken.

"Yeah, J Lo was there."

"Oh, really? With her newborn twins?"

"Yes, and that corpse Marc Anthony. Shaddup!"

"You're not right in the head." She chuckles.

"I've told you this many times, you must be slow."

She grinds her hips into me effectively cuttin' off any other smartass thing I was about to say.

"You were saying?"

"I fuckin' love you." I gasp out. That had another mini orgasm rollin' through me. I guess we're not done yet.

"That's what I thought."

Later in our bed I manage to have one coherent thought before I drift off to sleep with Buffy in my arms -- Kennedy's ass is grass.

Don't think I've forgotten about that shit.


	6. Protectin' What's Mine

"What's up, Faith?" Ken's surprised to see me. "Willow's not here." God, she looks like shit warmed over then accidentally stepped in and wiped off on the pavement.

"That's cool, it's you I'm here to see."

She looks fuckin' nervous but she's a brat so she quickly recovers. She folds her arms across her chest and gives a defiant look.

That's good sweetheart, act like a fuckin' bitch. Makes it better for me.

"What's on your mind?"

That makes me smile.

"Let's take a walk." I indicate with my head for her to come outside.

She looks out into the street behind me, some of that nervousness is back in her eyes.

"I uhhh..."

"Don't worry, if I wanted you dead you wouldn't have gotten passed 'What's up'. You got a jacket?"

She nods.

"Well, get it and let's go."

"Sure, I'll be right back." She turns to go back inside. "Wait, where are we going? I need to call Will and tell her where I'll be...approximately."

Yeah, smart to get all of her affairs in order, let Will know her last known location and who she was known to be with. She might not even be callin' Will for all I know, she's probably callin' one of the other slayers to have us tailed and jump in if I start wailin' on her. Again, smart, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of me losin' it. She's not worth that kind of behavior from me. Now if she starts it, then I'm fuckin' finishin' it. In a _big_ way.

"Just around, if we spot a café we can sit. Can you handle coffee and maybe a danish or somethin'?"

She narrows her eyes in suspicion. God, I want to laugh so bad, she's really thinkin' I'm gonna do somethin' to her. Good, that means I still got badass written all over me. I love that shit.

Finally her inner 'do what's right' instinct kicks in, or betrays her, and she makes up her mind to trust me.

"I'll be right back. Did you want to come in while I get my things?"

"Nah, I'm cool right here."

"Ok, well I have to close the door for a second."

I shrug, "Do what ya gotta."

She nods. Still lookin' hella nervous. I don't break eye contact until the door is closed.

I lean up against the buildin' as I wait. It's times like these that I get the urge to smoke. I've never been a patient person, and they always gave me somethin' to do besides pace around or go out of my mind with waitin'. Plus, how totally cool would it look if I'm all relaxed, leanin' against this buildin' like I'm holdin' it up and have a cigarette danglin' from my lips?

Oh, well. I gave that shit up, so that little scene won't be happenin'. 'Sides not gettin' the hackin' cough or smellin' of smoke and not havin' Buffy bitch at me constantly to quit is a damn sight better than lookin' cool. Or that's what I tell myself. No, really those things I listed are better than lookin' cool, I'm just messin'.

I take a look around, make sure nothin' demony or otherwise bastardly is lurkin' about. This place is right next to the Park and I wouldn't be surprised if somethin' jumped out at me.

Fuckin' sweet place Ken and Red have here. It's got it's own entrance, they're not in an apartment like me and B are. They've got the two bottom floors, from the corner to the middle, of a 40 story building on Fifth Avenue. Must be somethin' in Ken's family 'cause I know Tight Ass and his precious council funds ain't springin' for a place this dope. It must be 3500 square feet on the bottom floor, at least. I'll admit, when I first saw it my jaw hit the floor. Like I said, it's pretty fuckin' sweet.

If I had a watch on I'd check it, she's been at least five minutes, but I guess I can't blame her. I wouldn't be rushin' out to face me either.

"Sorry, couldn't find my other shoe." Ken's a little breathless as she shuts the door behind her and locks it.

"Maid's day off?" I smirk. "Nanny Fine couldn't bend down to look under the bed for ya?"

"Funny."

I chuckle.

We walk for a bit, don't really know where I wanna go. All I know is I have to get this shit off my chest or it will fester and then I'll end up poppin' Ken's head like a grape the first time she says some smart ass shit that I take to the extreme.

"There's a pretty good café up the street. Nice and roomy. Warmer than here anyway."

It's pretty cold, there's a strong wind blowin' today.

"That's cool."

Smart of her too, lotsa witnesses.

When we get seated and handed menus Ken doesn't look at hers. She's lookin' at me, tryin' to work up the courage to ask what's on my mind. I look over my menu casually at her. If anyone were to glance over they would think we were two friends out on a standin' lunch date.

"What's good here?"

Ken doesn't answer. I look up from my menu and she's still starin' at me like she's tryin' to read my mind.

That makes me laugh. She's probably tryin' to use some mojo Red taught her. But it won't work on me, I've got some impenetrable blocks that were put there by some very powerful people. I don't mean to say that to put Willow down either, she actually was with me when I had the block put on. We went on a mission to this mystical place in the Middle East. Someone was killin' Shaman. I dunno why they thought we could help 'em out but they contacted Giles and got me and Will to go out there.

Two things I can say about that mission. One, me and Will bonded in a way only two people facing death can, and no we didn't fuck, so get that shit outta your head. There was a lot of cryin' and forgivin' each other for past mistakes and all that kinda stuff. The second thing was that I had sand in places I didn't even know existed. Buffy joined us later, (she had been on a mission in England when the call came in), and she practically died of heatstroke. You don't know hot until you've been out in that desert. When I complain about the cold I just think of that place and somehow I feel better. I grew to love it. Maybe we'll honeymoon there, but I don't think Buffy would go for that. She wants to go to someplace tropical. I should suggest the Sahara.

Anyway, for helpin' 'em they gave Will some really awesome power boosts and spells and they gave me some mind control stuff so no one can get inside my head without me wantin' 'em to. Too bad I didn't think to ask 'em to do somethin' about the fact that my face gives everything away anyway. Oh well, next time.

Kennedy hasn't answered me. She's still tryin' to gauge what's about to happen here.

I look at her like I'm expectin' an answer, _now_.

"The croissants with raspberry jam are good. W-Will likes their panini with portabello mushrooms and mozzarella."

"Sounds good." I go back to scannin' the menu.

The waitress comes up and introduces herself as Kelly, Ken orders a coffee and the croissants.

"Café Americano and the apple strudel. Also, I'm gonna need a portabello and mozzarella panini to go later, can you arrange that?"

"Yep, I'll be back with your drink order shortly." She collects our menus.

"Thanks, Kelly." I give her a wink and she blushes. I can spot someone who digs me a mile off. Too bad for her though, there's only one honey for me.

"Flirting? Does Buffy approve?" Ken gets all righteous and smug.

The look on my face shuts her up and she goes back to lookin' nervous.

"Funny thing about flirtin'. I could flirt with anyone I feel like, that waitress, or that old lady or her old man over there, doesn't mean I'm gonna cheat on Buffy with 'em. But you probably wouldn't know how that works." I take a sip of my water and look deep into her eyes. "Would you?"

"Oh, the "rogue" slayer's giving me pointers on how to act? I thought you'd sleep with anything."

She's got nothin' and she knows it, that shit she just said was weaker than Andrew.

I put down my menu and lean in a little, claspin' my hands together as I smirk at her, "Are you done? Any more witty shit you got to say?"

"No" She mutters and looks away.

"Good."

Kelly comes back with our drinks and I lean back in my chair, waitin' for her to leave before gettin' into it with Ken. She says they're gonna need about 10 minutes to make the panini so we should let her know before we're ready to go so they can have it ready when we leave. I thank her and she looks like she's waitin' for something, then shakes her head a little and gives a blush. Poor girl, she wants to say something, I can tell, but she decides just to tell us she'll be back in a few with the food, and then leaves.

"So, what's up with you and Danielle?"

Kennedy noticeably flinches and looks anywhere but at me. Seems she's havin' a hard time keepin' eye contact. She picks up her coffee and holds onto it like it's gonna help her.

"Look, Ken, I'm not your mother, I'm not your girl, hell I'm not even really your friend anymore." She looks a little upset at that last one. Nice to see she has a bit of a heart. What can I say? We were friends at one point, then she went off with Will and when she came back she was a mega bitch. Now, I find this shit out and I'm done with her.

"So, what's the point of this?" She points to the table.

"I wanted to find out why Buffy, why now?"

Ken looks like she's really strugglin' with something internally. She wants to say something but if she does she might get her ass kicked.

"I don't know."

"Not good enough. See, I kinda need an answer. Things are goin' too good right now for shit to get in the way of that."

"I don't know what to tell you, Faith. I mean, why did _you_ fall in love with Buffy?"

Fuck, she admitted it. I thought she was goin' to deny it, I needed her to.

"I've been in love with Buffy even before I knew who she was."

Ken snorts disbelievingly at that. "Oh, really? How's that work?"

"Firstly, you keep up your smarmy looks and I'm gonna rearrange your fuckin' face," I say sweetly. " Secondly, I don't think you deserve to know, but I'll tell ya anyway since you and I are through." She gets a questioning look on her face. "Yeah, ya fucked up and now I gotta cut ya off." I use a line from Goodfellas, I love that movie. "Anyway, it's like this, Buffy's always been a part of me, even when I didn't know it." Ken frowns tryin' to figure out what that means. "Yeah, I used to fuck around with a lot of people but that was because I was lookin' for someone, something to make me whole. None of the people I was with made me feel that way. When I first saw Buffy outside the Bronze I knew I had found what I was lookin' for. She completes me."

"Oh that's so, 'Jerry Maguire'." Fuckin' bitch still hangs onto the bratty attitude.

"Make fun of it all you want, we were destined to be together."

Our waitress arrives with our food.

"Thanks a million, Kelly." She nods and looks expectant. "I think we're due for some more refills. Huh, Ken?"

"What?" Kennedy comes out of her black cloud trance.

"More coffee?"

"Oh, uh, yeah."

"Ms. Manners says, 'Thanks', Kelly." She chuckles and I smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Another lingering smile and she's gone again.

"Well, looks like you're the winner, Faith. You're Buffy's soulmate. I'm just the slug who happened to fall in love with her."

"Yeah, well, been there done that. Sucks for you though 'cause I eventually ended up with her and you're not gonna. I'm real sorry about that, too." A more sarcastic sentence, there has never been.

"You sound _so _sorry." She gives it right back.

I wiggle my eyebrows.

For a while we're silent, Ken chokes down some of her croissant like it was made of glass and I inhale my strudel, this shit is the bomb! I look at Ken and silently ask for her other croissant, she nods. I put some of the butter and jam on it.

Damn, that's good too! I inhale that and lean back with a smile on my face and sip my coffee. Whew, I really should eat before I go out, but I guess I wasn't thinkin' of anything but 'Kill Kennedy' when I got up this mornin'.

"So, you were saying. You're in love with Buffy, you still love Will, but you don't know."

She huffs.

"Look Faith, this is really hard. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Oh, so fuckin' someone who looks exactly like my girlfriend was an accident?"

"No, yeah," She huffs again. "I don't know." She looks defeated. I think I'm not the only one who has a 'sharin'' problem.

"Wow, Ken." Kelly stops by and refills our coffee. She tries to catch my gaze, but I'm still tryin' to bore a hole through Kennedy's skull with my eyes. At the last second I remember my manners and thank her again. She smiles that soft smile that says so much. Shit, she really digs me. I'll have to let her down gently.

"Kelly, can you have them make that panini now? I'd appreciate it." Well, who said I was good at lettin' honey's down? Not since I've been tamed by Buffy anyway.

"Sure, anything else?"

"No that's all, thanks."

Another shy smile and she's gone again.

"Doesn't she look like Buffy but with..." Ken trails off and looks at me nervously.

Oh fuck, she's got it bad, and I'm about two seconds from losin' it. I practice my calmin' techniques, I haven't needed them this bad in a while.

"Ok, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna forget you said that and try to help you out here."

"How?"

"By not smashin' your face in for one, for two, lettin' ya know we won't be seein' ya much anymore, hopefully that'll help with the pinin' for Buffy."

She has the balls to look like I just told her that her dog died.

"I'm pretty sure I speak for Buffy when I say that neither of us will be patrollin' with ya, and we won't be hangin' with ya either. Now, if we're all invited to the same place, well we won't interfere with that, but we're not gonna be all pal-y and chum-like."

"Buffy didn't send you here?"

"No, she told me not to try to talk with ya, she was afraid I was gonna beat ya down."

Kennedy gets a small smile on her lips and a hopeful look in her eyes. God, why did I promise Buffy I wouldn't touch her? One fuckin' smack to the mouth would get that smile right off.

"That's not because she doesn't want you hurt, numbnuts. It's because she doesn't want me gettin' in trouble."

The smile on her lips dies in a second. Well, guess I didn't need my fist after all.

"You need help, Ken. Sorry, but ya do."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you're plottin' and schemin' in that spoiled brat head of yours how you can play relationship spoiler and you're wastin' your time and energy."

"I'm not trying to break you guys up!"

"That's good, 'cause ya don't have that kinda power. But I'm not givin' ya any chances. So, that's it, when we leave here we go back to forgettin' each other existed."

"Will's gonna be upset."

"No, I don't really think she will be. I think she'll understand perfectly. And that's another thing, if I hear you hurt Will any more than you already have, then I don't fuckin' care about any promise I made, I'm comin' to kick your fuckin' ass. Got it?"

She nods and a few more minutes of silence pass between us.

"So this is it, huh?"

"Yep, the end of a not really beautiful friendship."

"I'm sorry, Faith." She says quietly.

"Well, whatta ya gonna do, right? What's done is done. You're gonna have to decide what you want. Unfortunately for you, that's not gonna include Buffy. So you need to do what's right."

"What's that?"

"You have to figure that out for yourself, but you probably should talk to someone about it."

She nods.

"Here's your panini." Kelly smiles again. She leaves the bill and brushes my hand a little as she hands it to me. She blushes and looks away. "Uhh, I hope to see you again sometime."

"Thanks for everything."

I give her enough for the bill and a generous tip.

"Th-thanks!"

I nod and get up. "Well, Ken. I guess I'll get goin'. Take care."

"You too..." She wants to say more, but she really doesn't know what. I wouldn't either. I'm just glad I let her know what was on my mind. I can't make her stop her feelin's but at least she knows that I won't stand by and let her try to get close to B.

As I'm walkin' down the street I hear Ken yell for me to wait up.

"You forgot your panini."

"Nah, that's for Will. I thought maybe you'd like to do somethin' nice for her for a change. And this is just the start of it, she deserves so much more."

"Oh," Another hurt look, she feels like she can't do anything right, I know that feelin'. "I promise, I-I'll..."

I hold up a hand stoppin' her from what she was goin' to say, "Save your speech and just fuckin' do it, ok?"

"Ok," She looks thoughtful. "Thanks for not smashing me in the face."

I give her a smile, "You're welcome." I feel bad for her, just a little. "Word of advice, K." She looks at me expectantly. "There's no substitute for Buffy, so there's no use in tryin' to find someone who looks just like her. And if you don't love Red, tell her and let her find someone who'll treat her right. Don't let this shit drag on for years, it only hurts worse as it goes. Oh, and don't forget the part about me kickin' your ass, 'cause I sure as shit won't forget it."

She nods and thanks me again.

I feel like skippin' down the street. I was able to curb my urge to punch her in the face, Buffy will be so proud. I step up to the curb and hail a cab.

I'm gonna go see my baby!

"Hi, baby! Where are you?"

"I'm headin' home, sweets. You still at Giles'?"

"Yeah, I'm getting ready to head out. What's for dinner?"

"I dunno yet. I'll figure somethin' out. Any requests?"

"Hmmm, I don't know. I guess I'm in the mood for something meaty."

"Oh yeah?" I put the seductress voice on.

"Yeah," She laughs.

"Well, I guess I'll have to think of somethin' so you get your dose of meat."

"That's sounding kinda icky." I can almost see her shudder.

"I know, I'm tryin' to be all sexy and suggestive and it's not workin'"

"Well, I'm sure you'll think of something better by the time I see you."

"Doubt it, but we'll see."

"Ok, sweetheart. I'm gonna go say goodbye to Giles and then I'll be heading home. I wish you were here so we could snuggle on the train, but..." She sighs.

"Yeah sorry, I had some stuff to take care of. Hurry home, B."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

Ten minutes later Buffy comes out and squeals when she sees me leanin' up against the buildin' waitin' on her.

"I lied." I smirk as she jumps into my arms.

"I see that. I might have to punish you later for that." Fuck, I just got a twinge in my pussy. She smiles and winks at me pullin' my face to hers. We kiss deeply. "Oh, wow, Faith. I've been waiting to do that all day." She practically sighs out as we break our kiss. She leans her forehead on mine.

"I know, I don't like this whole not seein' each other for hours thing."

"I know exactly what you mean." She captures my lips in another heated kiss.

After we break our kiss this time, she gets a puzzled look on her face.

"Why didn't you come inside? We could've done that sooner!" She's really _such_ a spoiled girl.

"I wanted to surprise you. 'Sides, how sexy did I look standin' there waitin'?"

She blushes and I have my answer. She pulls me to her and we kiss again.

"Ready for your injection of meat?" I say when we break for air.

"That's what you came up with?!" She swats my arm.

"Hey, I didn't have much time to think about it."

"Are we going home to eat?"

"Nah, I'd thought I'd take ya out. I feel like spoilin' ya little."

"I hope you get that feeling a lot."

"You know I do, ya brat."

We're snugglin' in the cab as we're makin' our way downtown. Normally we'd take the subway, but we wanted to be all warm and cozied up with each other in close quarters. Plus I wanted to feel her up and she gets all shy in public.

"So what did you do today?"

"I went to see Ken."

I feel her instantly tense up.

"And?"

"Don't worry, she still has a face."

"What did she say?"

I decide to just go for it.

"She admitted to me she loves ya."

Buffy doesn't say anything, but her breathin' tells me everything. She's upset for Willow.

"And what did you say?"

"I said that she needs some help and that if she doesn't love Will she should tell her so Will could find someone who does. Also, that if she hurt her anymore, she would be gettin' a visit from me."

"Good advice." B relaxes back into me. "Did she say anything else?"

"Not really much of anything, except she was sorry and she didn't know."

"Didn't know what?"

"What she was gonna do next. I know one thing though, we won't be seein' her around."

B stiffens again and I chuckle.

"Don't worry, baby. I _said_ I didn't do nothin' to her." I pull her back into me and she relaxes again. I breathe in her shampoo. Fuck, that shit just calms me. Unless it's makin' me horny but right now I'm drawin' calmness, well maybe a little bit of horny, too. What am I dead?

"I know, but..."

"But you thought I was gonna beat the livin' shit out of her?"

"Yeah, kinda. I know I would have."

"She's fucked up, I don't want to add injury to insult."

Buffy laughs.

"But really, I just told her that we couldn't be friends anymore and that we wouldn't be hangin' out."

"How did she take it?"

"She seemed upset. I don't know exactly where her heads at, but I kinda do."

"Explain."

"Well, when I would see you with all those other guys..."

"Not, _all_. Two."

"What was Spike?"

She turns and looks at me confused for a second and then a light bulb goes off.

"Oh, shit, I forgot about Riley!"

That fuckin' cracks me up. God I love this woman!

"Anyway, you were saying?" She turns back around and settles into me again.

She's gettin' a little annoyed that I'm laughin', she thinks I think she's stupid. But no, I just think she's fuckin' adorable.

"Oh, so yeah. When I would see you with your _men_,"

"And _woman_," Buffy adds helpfully.

"Oh yeah, how could I forget Sashimi?" I smile. I didn't forget, I just wanted to make that joke.

Buffy slaps my thigh. Good at least it wasn't my arm. I have a permanent fuckin' bruise there.

"So, you were saying, Miss Smartass?" I can tell she's smilin'.

"I would be pinin' away when I'd see you with your other flings, but somehow I knew not only were we meant to be together, but we _would_ be together. So in a way, I know what Ken feels, but then again, I don't because I've got you and vice versa, and I knew that would happen all along."

'Cept when I wanted to jump from that buildin' that time in Scotland, but let's just forget about that one, huh? Buffy doesn't know about that and Xander said he'd never tell.

"Really?"

"Yeah, like I knew one day we'd get over our history and realize we were meant for each other."

"I'm glad you saw that. I thought I was going to have to clonk you on the head and drag you off somewhere to get that to happen."

That makes me smile. She's _such _a man-handler, my sweety.

"Me Buffy, you Faith." I grunt.

She snorts.

"Love! Love! LOVE!!" I don't have much to expand on for that joke, but what I do got, I got with a Tarzan accent.

We're still laughin' and jokin' when the cab pulls up to the restaurant. Before we break apart to get out, I pull her to face me.

"Love." I say softer and look into her eyes.

We kiss sweetly before steppin' out into the cold.


	7. The Bad

Author's note: Chapters 7-11 are a flashback to right before and after Faith and Buffy got together. They were entered into a challenge on Oral's list. It's when Faith finds out about Buffy and Satsu. Beware of spoilers if you haven't read the season 8 comics.

"TAKE THAT BACK!!"

I put my hand to my lip and check it for blood. I lift it to my blurry line of site and all I see is red, and now I'm pissed!

"Take what back?!"

"WHAT YOU JUST SAID!! AND _THAT_ SMARMY LOOK!!"

Fuck, why didn't anyone tell me Buffy'd gone crazy?! I guess they didn't think I mattered. Fuck em.

"I said, Hey, B. Who's the new girl?'" I look over at the Asian girl who has a disgusted look on her face. "And, what smarmy look?"

She's so pissed off her face is beet red and if this were a cartoon she'd have steam comin' out of her ears and from the top of her head, possibly through her nostrils, too. I'd laugh if I didn't feel like cryin' from the shot she gave me.

"Faith! Don't fuck with me!! You're this close to having me kick you in the head." She holds up her and hand her thumb and forefinger are pinched together.

"Well if it's anything like the love tap you just gave me, B, I'd say wail away, cause that shit tickled."

I'm such a fuckin' liar! Her punch jarred my mandula oblongata enough to cause my fuckin' fingers to go numb. Shit, she's gonna put me in another coma.

She and I are just circlin'; waitin' for one of us to drop our guard. I don't know what the fuck she's on about, but this shit's gotta stop. One of us could wind up dead here, and my money's on me.

"What in the bloody hell is going on here?!"

Fuckin' finally! It's about time G showed up. He said he'd only be a few minutes. I wonder if minutes are measured differently over here like every other fuckin' thing seems to be. Fuckin' metric system. Or is that the Dewey Decimal system? Fuck, what the hell am I thinkin' of? Don't need to lose concentration and give B a shot at my face.

I look over at Giles for help briefly and that gives her the in she needs, suddenly I'm back handed enough for the inner part of my lip to cut itself on my tooth and bleed like a bitch. I recover in time to see an uppercut blur its way into my jaw.

MOTHER FUCKER! That lifted me off the ground but I still manage to land on my feet, I'm doubled over a bit though. Damn! My head is spinnin' and I can't think of what I was goin' to ask her. Come to think of it, who is she? Oh shit, my mind's goin'.

Xander and Giles are tryin' to restrain Buffy and finally Willow puts a bindin' spell on her.

"May I remind you both that we are here to _help_ each other?"

"May I remind _you_ that once Willow releases these restraints I'm going to put Faith in another coma?"

Shit, I fuckin' knew it!! Why me?! What the fuck did I do but walk in the room, smile at her and ask who the new girl was?

My vision clears a bit more and I can see that same girl, whatever her name is, bein' restrained by some other girl who's dressed like Xander. Some kinda sweater with pads on the outside of the shoulders. I think I've seen that in some movie but I'll be fucked if I can remember which one right now.

Giles tries to hold it together and he's succeedin'. B makes it real hard for him.

"Go on, Giles. Tell me how your new golden girl is here to help?! All she's done is come in here and beg for a beating!"

G-man doesn't say anything but I can see a bit of Ripper in his face. He and I have been through too much recently for Buffy to talk shit about me. He lets go of her after he makes sure Willow's spell is holdin'.

Damn, I feel a bit woozy. I'm about to fall on my ass when a chair literally comes out of nowhere. Red used magic so I could sit. I know she hates me but that was nice of her.

I smile at her and she looks all concerned. I must look a picture.

"So, are you going to apologize, Faith?!"

"For what?" I say, but it sounds like, "Fuhwuh". My mouth is so busted and the blood is just runnin' makin' anything I say worse than Rocky Balboa-speak.

"Will someone please go get a towel?!" Giles shouts.

Xander lets go of Buffy and rushes out of the room.

"Yes, please help the helpless bitch that doesn't know she's not wanted."

"ENOUGH!" Giles stops on his way over to check my cuts and turns on his heel towards Buffy. "What in the bloody hell is your problem?!"

"I want to know why you insist on bringing her here?! She's not wanted! I have a thousand other slayers at my beck and call and I don't need her!!"

I snort with laughter but it sounds a little garbled. Blood's backin' up into my throat and I gag a bit. Xander comes in with a couple of towels and someone that looks like a doctor.

I look around the room and the other slayers that are at B's beck and call' look a few different ways: Some looked pissed at the beck and call' thing, some look scared at what's going on, some look disgusted at the amount of blood pourin' from my face, some look concerned and some look like they wanna behead me. I guess my rep preceded me. I wonder how.

"Buffy, at the risk of making you even more upset, can I ask why you're so mad at Faith? We could use her help." Red's tryin' and I respect her for it. Doesn't mean B's gonna listen.

Buffy doesn't take her eyes off of Giles as she answers Willow, "I thought you weren't her biggest fan?"

"No, I'm not, but we need her help. We're going to be beaten if we don't get help and Faith..."

"Yeah, Faith's got help' written all over her." B's Asian friend replies.

Buffy's laugh makes my stomach turn. She really wants me dead. Why, is what I wanna know? What did I do now? Is it because Giles is helpin' me now? I tracked mud in her room? What?!

"Xander, perhaps you should see Faith to the infirmary."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want her to hear all the nasty things mean old Buffy' has to say about her that she should hear before she gets the fuck out of my life, ONCE AND FOR FUCKING ALL!!"

Ouch.

That hurt more than a thousand of her punches ever could. But I don't say shit, I don't even let the tears that are tryin' to build up in my throat passed that point. Cause they're not. I mean, I'm not upset that she said that. It's just that my jaw hurts like a bitch and it's makin' me want to tear up.

I feel a couple of people help me up from the chair and I shrug them off when I get to my feet.

I stand there defiantly and notice that the room is swayin' just a little. I gather all my knowledge of findin' my center and calmin' my inner demons that Giles and Angel taught me and straighten up. More blood rushes into my mouth and I smile what I know is a red and pretty fuckin' gross smile. I spit whatever's in my mouth on the floor. Most of it makes its way onto my shirt but I still look pretty badass doin' it.

Some of the junior slayers cringe and a few of them are sayin' shit about me.

I want to say somethin' real smart and make Buffy look about 3 feet tall, which is about a foot shorter than she is anyway, fuckin' runt, but I can't seem to make my mouth work right. So, I gather strength one more time and I say as sweetly as I can, "Fuhyu" and flip her the bird.

"FUCK YOU TOO! I WANT YOU GONE YOU FUCKING BITCH!!" She's strainin' to get free and it looks like it hurts.

Fuck her, I'm not listening. And I don't care that she looks like she's hurting, not my fuckin' problem.

I nod to Willow as I make my way out of the room with Xander and the doc behind me. Giles is still standin' in front of B like he's gonna yell at her as soon as I'm gone.

Once we're passed the door, Buffy's girl closes it. Wait...No, fuck no! Buffy's _girl_. That's why she was so fuckin' pissed off!! I should have seen it before, but it just hit me now when that girl just looked at me. Buffy didn't want me to find out she's **_fuckin'_** a **_girl _**!!

There's a fuckin' kick in the nuts!

My legs give out and I fall right the fuck to my knees. My escorts rush up and are quick to hold me up so I don't face plant on the floor. They help me stand and I rest my head on Xander's shoulder while they walk me to the hospital room.

"Wow, I thought you guys had slayer healing? I've never seen so much blood. Well except for that one time I cut my foot on some glass, I thought I hit an artery. Good thing Anya was there to catch me, I passed right out when I saw the blood pooling. Funny how loss of blood can do that to ya." Xander's babblin' mostly from tryin' not to pass out while helpin' the doc stop the blood flowin' out of my face.

"Yeah and it had nothin' to do with you bein' a wuss." I say but it sounds like Yah nahd nuff tahdo wif binawuss'. Shit what did she do to me?! I've been beat up before but this is just fuckin' nuts!

"A what now? From that little smile you tried to give there I'd say you were sayin' something to make fun of me, but with your face being all busted up it's hard to tell."

I want to laugh but I think I'd choke.

"Put your head back, Faith." The doc says to me. "Open you mouth a bit."

Ugh, bad idea, it hurts like you wouldn't believe and the blood's just chokin' me.

"No! Ok, ok! Bring your head back up, sweety. Xander call Trina in here and get me gauze pads and another towel!!"

I want to ask what's wrong but I don't think I can talk. Somethin's really fuckin' wrong.

Xander rushes back in with a black woman hot on his heels. All I can think of is Damn, she's pretty.' when the doc says somethin' I didn't think was possible.

"Her jawbone is broke clean in half, it's pushing through the bottom of her mouth. We're going to have to operate right away. Xander..."

"I'm on it!" Xander says and rushes out of the room.

My breathin' is gettin' all fucked up, and the doc is tryin' to soothe me.

"There, there, Faith. No need to panic, dear. We'll have you sorted out in a jiffy. Nothing I haven't seen before, what with all the injuries slayers get on a daily basis."

"Cnafoolme," I try to talk but she stops me. But they can't fool me, I know this is bad. Shit's written all over their faces.

"No, no, don't try to speak, it will only cut the bottom of your mouth more. We're going to prep you for surgery. I'm going to ask you a few questions, blink once for yes, twice for no. Understand?"

I blink once.

"Very good. Very, very good, dear girl."

Shit, she sounds just like my first watcher, she gently pats my hand and I want to cry. But I'm not a fuckin' wuss, so I don't.

Suddenly, six other people file into the room all wearin' scrubs. The doc asks me her questions and I do my blinkin' and then they have me lay back slightly while Trina gets me ready to be knocked out.

Heh. Should save the anesthesia and just call in B to finish the job.

Wow, there must be more than knockout drugs in that shit. I think I just saw a giant Dawn lookin' through the window.

"Faith?"

Can't answer you D, I'm goin' under. And even if I wasn't your sister did a number on my jaw. Lucky sho

"Faith?"

Fog rolled in G, can't see ya. Can't even tell ya that either because my jaw won't move a fuckin' inch.

I feel what I assume is Giles' hand squeezin' my own.

"I know you might not be able to hear me Faith, but I just..." Giles' voice breaks and I'm stunned. He's cryin' over my stupid ass? He recovers in that British way he has. "I just wanted you to know it has been a great pleasure working with you these past few months. You're going to get better, Faith. I'm sorry. Sorry for bringing you to Scotland, I assure you I had no idea Buffy would react that badly. I have no idea what transpired between you two, but I will be getting to the bottom of it. I want all of this...bad blood to stop."

"How is she?"

I can hear Xander walk into the room.

"She's not in a coma, which is very good considering how hard Buffy hit her. They put her jaw back together and stitched her tongue back into place. The bone had almost severed it. One tiny bit more and she might have choked to death on her own tongue."

Fuck, that was close.

"Gaaaah!" I can just picture Xander cringin' in the way only Xander can do. Makes me want to laugh, but for some reason I feel like cryin' again.

Why? Shit happens. Different fuckin' day, week, month, year. B's never gonna forgive me, I have to get that through my stupid fuckin' skull.

I want to go home. But where is home now? Boston? My family doesn't wanna see an ex-con, that shit's for sure. Ma's dead. Never really was home I guess.

Shit, that's not true, I had my Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. The ones who gave a shit about me, anyway.

Fuck, I'm a black fuckin' cloud. It's a whole fuckin' site different than when I woke up this mornin'. What mornin' is it anyway? If it's even mornin' anymore. I wish I could ask but my mouth still won't budge.

Shit, I should just get some sleep.


	8. Gettin' Better

"... you, Faith."

Huh? Who's that?

The hand that's squeezin' on mine is a lot smaller than Giles'. Softer too.

B?

"Buffy, those people we captured are outside the wall, being brought in now!"

"I'll be right there!"

Fuck, don't they know not to yell in a hospital room?

"I have to go now, to Tokyo, but..." She sighs. "But when I get back I hope you're still here, I know you won't be, though." Her voice breaks a little. "You probably hate me and you'd be right to, but I just n-needed you to know..."

"Buffy, really, I'm sorry for interrupting, but it's now or we're in big trouble!"

"Bye, Faith. I'm really sorry." I feel a kiss on my hand and just like that she's gone.

Good fuckin' riddance. Get fuckin' gone to the land of Playstation and sushi, see if I fuckin' care.

I'm glad she's not here to see the tears streamin' down my face. Must be somethin' they gave me makin' me feel all whacky and soft 'cause I sure as shit ain't cryin' over that bitch.

And her bitch.

A week later and I'm fuckin' still in Scotland. B and the gang aren't back yet. Giles went with 'em so I figured I'd wait for him to get back.

"How's my favorite patient?"

Oh yeah, and gettin' to know Trina has helped me from goin' fuckin' nuts from boredom. She told me she's from St. John in the Virgin Islands. Showed me some of the pictures that she had of her hometown. That was a sweet place she lived. All near the water and shit. Well, it's an island, I guess everything's near the water. She told me how her sister became a slayer and she came with her here to see Buffy. Since Trina was in med school down there she just decided to stay and help out because they were needin' some docs.

I shrug, could be better. Could have the use of my jaw. Never knew I wanted to talk so bad.

"That good, huh?"

I smirk a little.

"Oooh, Dana, come here! I got the dimples!!"

Dana, the doc who originally helped me when Buffy busted my jaw, rushes in. "You got the what? Ooooh there they are!! How pretty!"

They're smilin' at me like I'm their baby and made my first poo.

Heh. Poo.

"We've got some great news!"

Buffy and her woman broke up? Ha, just kiddin' I don't give a shit about those two. Who cares?

I quirk my eyebrow, 'cause they're waitin' for some kind of answer, it's funny that they expect me to talk.

"You get to move out of the hospital ward!"

I shrug.

"You don't think that's great news?!"

I shrug again.

"Not sleeping in a room with 19 other empty beds?"

Another shrug.

"Not having Trina come in here and ask you how you're doing every 10 minutes?"

Yeah, I had the balls to shrug again.

Dana laughs. "You're something else, Faith. I'm truly going to miss you being here but you really need to move into the regular living quarters." She looks at me like she's gonna say something totally smart ass. "We need the bed."

I snort out a laugh and fuck! That hurts!! I'll get her for that! But that was pretty funny.

"I'm glad I got something more than a shrug out of you. Now, someone is going to come and help you move all of your things." She smirks. Again with the smart ass. "I suggest you get yourself ready."

Yeah, help me move 'all my things', fuckin' funny. I just have the bag I brought with me when I came here the other night with Giles, and a few things some of the other slayers brought me while I was in here. I've got a robe and some slippers and a cool blanket with the Scottish flag on it. Someone even heard my last name was Irish and they bought me an Ireland hoodie. It's grey with Ireland written across the front like a baseball team logo and a green shamrock on it. Pretty sweet, it's nice an' thick. Real warm in this cold as shit place.

Dunno who gave it to me though, they didn't bring it in themselves and no one said who it was from. Didn't even know anyone knew my last name. Shrug. Heh.

After I shower and get dressed I pack up the things the girls got me and get the fright of my life as the 'person who is going to help me move' puts a hand on my shoulder.

FUCK!! I have him up against the wall with my hand on his throat faster than it took him to squeak out his girly half squeal before it was choked off from lack of air.

Xander! What the fuck dude?! I say with my face and relax my grip on his throat a bit.

"Uh, Faith!! Sorry about the sneaking up. But I actually didn't sneak up, I called your name like three times." My eyes go wide, did she fuckin' crack me hard enough that my hearin' was fucked, too?! That fuckin' bitch, she's so dead if I'm goin' deaf!!

"Kidding Faith!!" Phew, Xander just saved B's life. But still, what the fuck?! I've been working on my senses and he shouldn't have been able to do that.

"Willow gave me some spells, said I needed to be less detectable." He shrugs a little. I let go of him and sit down on my bed. My heart is finally starting to calm down.

What Xander said about being less detectable finally registers and I let out a puff of air through my nose. That's about as much laughter as I can let out without my mouth screamin' at me. It's still so fuckin' sore I want to cry sometimes. Sucks that I do, 'cause I hate bein' soft.

Xander senses my laugh and he's got the biggest grin on his face. "Well, yes. I know I'm usually master of all that is stealthy. But I just humor Willow, ya know?"

Yeah, I remember him bein' real stealthy back in the 'dale. The Sisterhood of the Jhe were awed by how stealthy his screams were.

Fuck, that reminds me of that night we had together. I'm about to go all black cloud again when Xander saves me.

"I take it by your quietness that I'm right."

I snort out a laugh.

"You see, Faith, not many people can be as stealthy and coordinated as yours truly here." He picks up a ball one of the docs gave me to keep my reflexes sharp and covers his good eye. "Observe."

BAM!! CRASH!! CLANG!!

Heh. He whipped it right into a stack of aluminum trays that would normally be for bringing medicine and junk to the invalids. Like me.

It sounds so much worse because this is such a cavernous room and the floor is stone.

Dana comes in clutching her chest and Trina sticks her head around the wall to see what the fuck just happened.

An aluminum lid is rollin' around on the floor and then keeps going around and around really fast until it finally stops. Shit, I thought only stuff like that happened in movies. It was perfect.

Xander slowly removes his hand from his eye. "Uhhhh, did I get it in the can?" His face is beet red and his eye is moving all around the room. Makes me wanna crack up, but I fuckin' can't and that's makin' me nutty.

"Xander, would you kindly help Faith with her things? And do try not to break anything while leaving." Dana gives him the Giles treatment.

"You think we should really trust him with Faith?" Trina's got my back.

"Uh, you've got it all wrong! We-we...it's not like that anymore. I'm not going to try to get any revenge for what Faith did back in Sunnydale! And I'm pretty sure she's not going to try to kill _me_, at least not today. Right Faith?"

X-man, I'm pretty sure she meant that they can't trust 'Mr. Coordination' help bring a person with as bad a broken jaw as I have to their room. But way to tell them I'm a fuckin' loser who didn't deserve their expert care. Fuck.

Whatever. I shoulder my bag and don't look at their stares as I turn towards the door. Maybe B'll come back from Japan with a bitchin' katana and finish me off. Guess they were makin' sure I'd get all better so she could kick my ass longer this time.

"Oh, hell no!" Trina yells and it makes me stop. She's slippin' back into her Island accent and I guess that means she wants to start some shit.

She wants a fuckin' piece of me? Bring it the fuck on! I'm ready for anything. Just 'cause we 'bonded' don't mean I can't fuckin' get down and dirty with the punchin' and kickin'. It would be kinda good to get back into the fuckin' swing of things.

She puts her hand on my shoulder and I let her turn me around, let her get the first shot in 'cause then I can say it was self defense.

"You're not gettin' of here without a hug. Don't make me go all 'Island Betty' on ya!" She winks and pulls me into a hug. Island Betty was a crazy lady she told me about that used to go around in her town lettin' all of the air out of the policeman's bike tires.

Doesn't sound crazy to me at all. Whatever floats your boat though, huh?

Dana steps up and waits her turn, but she's British so I don't think she's gonna wanna hug. Trina gets her jollies and then lets me go. Dana extends her hand. See? I take it and she pulls me into a hug. Fuck, she's strong. She lifts me up showing me how strong she really is. Fuck, a slayer who's a doctor. Who woulda thunk it? And such a delicate lookin' person to boot.

Damn, that makes me think of Buffy. Shit.

"Didn't think I was a slayer, did you?"

I shake my head at her when she lets me go.

"Well I am. Probably just made the age cut off. I was 25 and an intern when I crushed a bed pan with my bare hands, one day last year. Luckily, my Auntie was a watcher so I knew what it might mean." She looks at me like she cares. "If you ever need anyone to talk to Faith, once you've got use of your jaw again that is, we're at your service. I'm guessing the same goes for Trina." She nods her head at Trina.

"Who else I'm gonna get to listen to me crazy stories?!" I let out an air-through-the-nose-laugh. "But seriously, girl. You're always welcome." Fuckin' funny how she can slip back and forth between her Island talk and the hoity toity voice she usually talks with. Either way, she's still a fox.

Xander steps up and takes my bag from me. I let him, but I've got my eyes on him. Don't fuckin' trust him. Even though he did help me out a lot after B tried to kill me last week.

He doesn't say anything as he leads me through the hallways of the castle. Shoulda fuckin' known the Princess would finally get her fuckin' castle. Makes me fuckin' laugh!

"Now, Faith. I hope you don't mind the living quarters, it's just we're pretty full at the moment and this is the only room that's left."

I suddenly recognize the room he's trying to show me into. OH FUCK NO!! Not HER room. NO!!

My breathing is increasing and my heart rate must be going through the fuckin' roof. Xander drops my bag and catches me around the shoulders. Why?

Fuck, I was about to pass out. I can't go in there!! The look in my eyes must say everything. Xander backs me up until we're further in the hall. Whew, that's better.

"Sorry, Faith! Umm, it's just...Buffy," I flinch at the name. "Sh-she said to, to let you stay in her room. Like I said we've got no...No?" I'm shakin' my head real fuckin' hard even though it makes my jaw hurt so fuckin' bad. "O-Ok, well then. Let's think this through. Let's see... There's...no, not there, well there's...nope no good. How about my bed?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"No? Oh no!? You didn't think that was a pass at you? I hope not. Ya see," He leans in all 'confidence man' like, "I kinda got something going with one of the slayers, Renee. She's my number two."

You wanna elaborate, X? I mean, I really fuckin' wish I had the use of my jaw. The jokes 'number two' inspires alone could make me very happy for the rest of the year, just from seein' him squirm. Apparently my eyebrow quirk and the smirk on my face was enough for him to catch my drift.

"Number two, uhhhh eheheh uhhhhh eheheheh." He does a Butthead voice.

Suddenly I want to use my voice _**REAL**_ bad.

"Mmmm hehehe mmmeheheh." Fuck that hurt but the laugh Xander lets out makes me feel really good.

"Oh, Faith! That's priceless!" He's doubled over laughin'.

Damn dude, watch it, you don't want to pop out your other eyeball. I'm feelin' a whole lot better and his laughter is gettin' to me in a good way. I let out some other laughs that won't hurt too bad that also end up soundin' like Beavis even more and Xand is cryin' now.

Finally he recovers and I calm down too. He links his arm through mine and picks up my bag from the floor.

"Well, that was refreshing. Whew. Let's get you to another room. I know one that's empty, and I'm guessing the person won't mind too much that you're in there. I'll have to call her and let her know. Or wait," He gets thoughtful. "She'd crush the phone," he mumbles. "Well, I guess Renee can relay it to her and vice versa." Heh. Renee Relay. "Ha! Renee Relay! Funny."

We walk to my temporary quarters still chucklin' over Beavis and Butthead.


	9. Open With the Light and Fade to Black

Song credits: You by Candlebox; and Sweet Jane the Cowboy Junkies version.

"Heya, Faith!"

I nod my head, 'What's up?'

Xander's been dyin' to get me down in the 'Contol Room' for the past few days, he's been really fuckin' excited about it. He's got a link up to all the girls and guys in the field. Wants me to see how it works. I stroll in and he's smilin' like a loon.

"I'm really glad you finally decided to come down." He gestures around the room with his hand and says all suave voiced. "Welcome to my humble control room."

I smirk.

"Hey, Willow sent this gadget you might want to use. I know you didn't want to use pen and paper or the dry erase board, but this is so much cooler!!"

Looks like a huge cellphone.

"She says all you do is think of what you want to say, touch the screen and it appears. Let's give this baby a go!"

Xander's been really nice to me these past few days, even though the talk has been one way, mostly because like he said, I refuse to use anything to write with so that I can talk to people. Never was much of a writer. Funny how it doesn't really matter either, guess I spent so much time on my own that it feels just like always. Them blabbin' to me and me just listenin'. 'Cept when I was patrollin' with Buffy in SunnyD, her I blabbed everything to.

Seems like a million fuckin' years ago.

He fumbles with the gadget and then touches a button on the side of it. He gets that 'I'm thinkin' of somethin'' face and then touches the screen. He holds it up to me smilin'.

'**Damn, her boobs look really good in that shirt**.' HAHAHAHAHA!! I fuckin' crack up as much as my still healin' jaw allows and Xander looks puzzled, he looks at it and jumps about a foot in the air.

"NOT WHAT I MEANT!!" He's tryin' to shut the fucker off but the buttons aren't workin' or somethin'.

I give him a questioning look.

"I- I meant, what..."

Yeah right, you meant what was on that screen. What you _wanted_ to be on there is the question now. I quirk an eyebrow.

He sighs, "I was going to tell you 'that's a nice shirt you're wearing', but obviously what I _meant_ was your boobs look good in it."

I snort out a laugh and pat him on the back showin' there are no hard feelin's.

I'm glad he came back early from Japan. He left his girl Renee in charge of the operations there and told B he was goin' to come back to help me. I'm sure that went over well with Miss Bitch.

He's really been a great help in me keepin' occupied. 'Cept he plays poker about as well as he sinks a basket without lookin'. We've had some good times though, like when I did my impression of Michael Corleone with his jaw all wired up from the Godfather. Xander loved it so much it inspired him and we watched all three movies. Well, two of 'em, I couldn't stomach the third.

It's been pretty cool here.

He puts the device in a drawer and locks it, probably to be destroyed later. Good thing. I don't need my thoughts bein' read by no one. And even if Xander's been cool to me, I don't need him knowin' how I've been feelin' the past few days. Well, since B fuckin' rearranged my jaw.

I gesture to the huge wall of screens.

"Oh, these?! These are cool. Look! We can be on patrol with the girls and with the different cameras they wear we can see them as well as what's around them. Plus, the two way communication enables us to be a second set of eyes as well as ears, and brains I guess. It's a lot better than the nothing and Giles' books we had back in Sunnydale, huh?"

I nod my head lookin' real impressed. He gets a little jump in his step and goes to a control panel.

The screens come alive when he pushes a button. "We're online!"

We watch some of the girls that are out on patrol and Xander lets them know that they're on candid camera.

"Hi Xander!" About a dozen girls say. Heh. They sound like a bunch of hens. I bet Xander's the cock of the walk.

"How's everything going, ladies?" He's got that suave voice on again.

"Good, we're almost on our way to beating the snot out of the bad guys. How's it going there?"

"Great!"

"Faith getting better?"

Must be K, I didn't recognize her voice at first.

"Yeah, she's right here with me."

"Hey, Faith! I'll bet you're having fun in sunny Scotland, huh?"

I shrug, fuck it! Sucks not having a working jaw.

"She can't actually answer for herself, but by the looks of her shrug I'd say she just said, 'Why yes Kennedy, I'm having a cracking good show, what with the lawn bowling and the tiddly winks, not to mention the pureed Haggis that I drink out of a straw."

"Ewwwww!!" The girls all yell out.

Yeah that was fuckin' gross. Yes, I've been eatin' my meals through a straw, but no to the fuckin' stuffed sheep's bladder or whatever they use. Blech.

"Xander, you're completely **not** **right**. Hey, we're about to go back in, we've got nothing. We'll keep you posted when we get back to Gyoza Tower."

"Check. Xander out."

Heh, just like Seacrest. What a dork.

"So what do you say to another movie marathon Faith? I can get a few of these to show us a wonderful film of your choice."

I'd say, yes, Xand that would actually be pretty sweet. He reads it off my face and rubs his hands together. "Perfect, it will be a night you won't want to remember." He winks and says, "Kidding. I'll be right back. Oh and hey, I'll get us some snacks. You can handle some milkshakes, huh?"

I glare at him. "Oh yeah, forgot, sorry. I'll be back with movies and milkshakes!"

I watch some of the other screens, one looks dark, but I can make out somethin' like a chair in a room or somethin'

I push a button with a number that corresponds on the screen and can hear someone gettin' busy.

Fuck! I need to get laid, bad. This is turnin' me on. I look to make sure Xand's gone and then shut the door. I wish I could hear them better.

"Oh, yes, Satsu, YES! Oh my god, that was, wow, again with the wow."

Uhhhh. Uhhhhhh.

"I guess I just keep on wowing you." I can hear a kiss. "That was wonderful. You're getting really good at that."

"Really?"

"Yes, very, very good."

I hear some rustling around and I want to throw up. They're kissing again.

"I'll be right back." B says and Asian girl whines.

"Nooooo, I want to snuggle more. Please?"

"I've got to pee, but I'll be back in like two seconds."

"One, two. Done yet?"

Buffy laughs.

I can't fuckin' shut this shit off. The button must be stuck. Fuckin' typical!

About a minute goes by and I'm almost ready to put my fists through the fuckin' screens, but then I think about my fists bein' all smashed up and the fact that it wouldn't do nothin' to the sound, I'd still be hearing the love birds fuck and cuddle and shit in Dolby Fuckin' 5.1 Surround Sound.

"What's with the frowny face?" B's girl must thinkin' some deep shit. Or some other fuckin'...I pull open a drawer and the thing that reads your thoughts is there. I touch the screen and 'I want to rip her arms off and shove them up her ass' appears on the screen. I quickly shut the drawer but not before touchin' the screen to get the shit off it. I guess I could just leave the room, but fuck if my feet will move.

"I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Faith."

"Faith?! Why would you be thinking of Faith?"

"I don't know, I was kind of wondering why..."

"Why what?"

"Well, we haven't talked about it since we left."

"And we won't be talking about it now either."

"Buffy..."

"Satsu!"

"What?"

"NO!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's nothing. She's nothing to me."

Fuck. I guess... What did I expect?

"No? Then why are you so defensive about it all the time?"

"_All_ the time? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Any time I've tried to bring it up."

"I don't know WHY you insist on bringing it up in the first place."

"Because obviously it's bothering you."

"IT IS NOT!!"

Woah, that's a lie if ever I heard one.

"Buffy, see? That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't see. You're wrong."

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere that I'm not going to be given the third degree!"

"Buffy please!"

"No, Satsu. I told you, she means nothing to me. I haven't even thought about her since we've been here. Haven't we been having a good time?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But WHAT?!"

"But _why_ haven't you thought about her? I mean, Giles said..."

"Fuck what Giles has to say!!"

Fuck, B needs help, she's even more black cloud than me. I can hear 'lyin' to myself' better than I can hear my own voice. Which, heh, not a good analogy right now, but you know what? Fuck it.

"Buffy, can you just answer me one question?"

"I don't think I want to."

"Why did you try to kill her before we left?"

"I didn't mean it." She sounds sincere. Bully for her and her fuckin' sincerity.

"Well, why did you get so upset, I mean she just came in and said 'Hi'."

"It's _how_ she said it."

"You know what? I'm gonna go back to my room. I'll see you around."

"Satsu, no, come on. Why are you going?"

"Buffy, you need to deal with your feelings for her."

"Look, for the last time. I'm sorry for what I did to her before we left, but that's it. I don't feel _anything_ for her."

"Why did you blow up at her?"

"She's always coming where she's not wanted! I can handle things, Giles thinks she needs to be in on everything. They need to go off somewhere, far away and stay there. I'll call them when I need them."

Beck and Call chick. I think I'm gonna rename her B and C.

"Why does she get you so upset? I mean I thought you said you apologized before we left?"

"I did, but she was still asleep."

I thought I remembered her bein' in my room, but shit, I don't know what she said. All I remember is someone kissin' my hand and then me bein' bitter about her new fling.

"So why are you so upset?

No answer from the golden girl. Xander comes in and looks puzzled.

I run out of the room.

So fuckin' stupid! Can't fuckin' get my lips around the bottle. I want these pins gone!!

I reach up with my hands and pry my jaw open. Fuck, that wasn't a good idea. But at least I can move my jaw some.

Shit the alcohol I'm pourin' into my mouth is burnin' like fuck. What's it matter? It'll disinfect and numb it. The docs'll like that.

Gotta love Dawnie, I found a bottle of JD in her drawer by the bed. She'd need 30 cases of this shit to get tipsy now, so I guess she won't miss this one bottle.

Like anyone'd miss me either.

Yeah, let the fuckin' darkness in. That's fuckin' good...feels _really_ good, like some of that smack my ma used to do.

I stand up on the top of the building, fuck its high up. Her highness' castle is huge.

I press play on my mp3 player and let the black thoughts course through me.

_And I'll cry for you__  
__Yes, I'll die for you __  
__Pain in my heart it is real __  
__And I'll tell you now how I feel inside__  
__Feel in my heart it's for you_

Mmmmmm the blackness is like a lover to me. Caressin' me in all the right places. Even makes my pussy twinge with excitement. Better than fuckin' and fuckin' chocolate.

I take another swig and feel no pain. My lover's seein' to that. No pain. None. Only hate and fuckin' anger.

'She means nothing to me.' Nothing. Nothing.

Don't want nothin' 'cause I never had nothin'. Don't need nothin' either.

What's the fuckin' worst that could happen? 'Nother bitch get called to be at her highness' beck an' call? Heh. Fuckin' fun. Better you than me, sweetpea.

_And I'll take everything __  
__As it comes my way __  
__Pushin' your pain 'round my door__  
__And I'll cry for you yes I'll die for you__  
__Is this blood on my hands all for you_?

I look down at my hands, they're bloody from the jaw breaker I gave myself. Yeah, it's for you alright, only ever for you.

**_Faith?!_**

No faith here. No, never had faith. Only had me. Didn't really want that either. Heh, nobody did. Not even dear old ma.

**_Faith?!_**

_You shiver__  
__And shudder __  
__Recovers your mother_

Top 'O the World MA!! I'm King of the World!! Stupid shit.

_You feel it take control __  
__All alone __  
__Feel alive __  
__In your soul_

What soul?

**_Faith?!_**

I hear dogs. Someone let the dogs out. Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Fuck, I crack myself up. I open my mouth to laugh and somethin' spills out. I look down and blood's pourin' out of my mouth again.

Shit, 'nother shirt ruined. G-man gave me this one. Just before he went to Japan with the fuckbuddies and the other slayers. It replaced the other one my blood ruined when I made B so mad she busted my face. Damn, I liked this shirt. Xander even said my tits looked good in it.

I look down. Gravel. They'd be able to get the blood out. Scoop up the rocks and it's like no one had ever been bleedin' on 'em.

Sorry, G, I let you down, dude.

I step up on the ledge. Damn, feels like I've been here before. My fingers feel slippery. Fuck, lost the bottle.

**_She's up on the roof!!_**

Who is? I put my hand in front of my face, the light is blindin'. I want the blackness back.

**_Faith!! We're coming._**

_And it's mine on my own __  
__Yes, it's mine all alone __  
__As I cry for you __  
__Yes, I'll die for you __  
__Pain in my heart, it is real_

"FAITH!!"

_And I'll take __  
__Everything as it comes my way __  
__Feel in my heart it's for you __  
__And I'll lie for you as I die for you __  
__Pain in my heart it is real __  
__And I'll tell you now __  
__How I feel inside __  
__Fuck you __  
__It's for you_

Yep, all for you, B. Well, it could have been. Should have been. I thought it would be me, but it never will.

I pull the earphones out of my ears and chuck the player off the roof. The light from the search lights glints off the display before it smashes below. Fuck, I think I used to love that thing.

Had all good tunes on it. My shit and the things she said she listened to. Fuck it. Fuck her.

"Faith!!"

Xand?

"Faith please, don't do this!"

Don't do what?

"Can I...Is it ok if I come over there?"

Sure, do what ya gotta.

I feel him put his hand on my arm. He's lookin' out at the blackness. Just like I am.

"Faith, I thought we were going to watch a movie?" Heh. Damn, that makes me laugh and some spit goes flyin' in the wind.

"Faith, honey, what did you...what happened?" I stiffen and he grabs my hand. He steps up onto the ledge with me.

Only really room for one person up here. We're close together.

"Oh, Faith, your jaw. It seems you've ripped a seam. You're gonna be all Frankensteiny if ya keep this up." I chuckle. Or was it a sob?

"Do you think we can get down off the ledge?"

I don't know, I feel like fallin' off it myself, but if you think you can manage, be my guest.

Xander steps off the ledge and pulls me off with him, pullin' me close to his chest.

"Faith, sweet, sweet, Faith." He whispers into the side of my head and kisses me there.

His gentleness makes me want to cry. His words kinda remind me of that song from Natural Born Killers.

"Faith, it's gonna be alright. We'll get through it. You'll see.

"Xander, did you... oh my word!" Dana rushes over and puts her hand on my jaw holdin' it back together.

"She's ok, looks like she popped a couple of the pins. Fighting some demons, huh, sweety?"

Yeah, fightin' some demons, my man. They got away though.

_Anyone who's ever had a heart__  
__Wouldn't turn around and break it__  
__And anyone who's ever played a part__  
__Wouldn't turn around and hate it_

_Sweet Faith, sweet Faith__  
__Ahhhh sweet, sweet Faith_

_  
You're waiting  
For Buffy down in the alley  
Waiting there  
For her to come back home  
Waiting down on the corner  
And thinking of ways  
To get back home_

_Sweet Faith, sweet Faith _

_Ahhh sweet, sweet Faith_

Fade to **blackness**


	10. It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

Song credit: Bad Girl by Madonna

I'm back in the hospital ward, just layin' here in the bed. I feel like I'm detoxin'. Kinda sucks because it feels like I let 'em down. So, of course I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone.

Which lets 'em down because all they're tryin' ta do is get me ta talk. Never endin' cycle of bullshit.

Heh. Talk. Got my jaw wired shut so 'talkin'' would still consist of looks and hand gestures. I don't really make eye contact with anyone either. Knowin' you're a fuckup who's thought of as nothin' really doesn't make me want to deal with anyone.

Doesn't mean they leave me alone though.

"How's my favorite mute today?"

I don't shrug. Not even a blink of my eye. Don't wanna share, so fuckin' take a hint and go.

"Wallowing in the mucky muck again?"

That earns Trina a narrowed eyed glare.

"Ooooh, if looks could kill!"

Yeah, that's right, you'd be dead. At least you'd be away from this shit.

"The girls and Mr. Giles are coming back tomorrow. Notice how I didn't say, the girls, Mr. Giles and Andrew?"

I turn my back on her, because if not she'd have seen me smile. She's always talkin' about Andrew needin' to come out.

I don't really wanna be a bitch to her, but I don't really wanna feel anything. Not even happiness. I mean, I'm nothin', why should I _feel_ anything.

"Xander's gonna come by later tonight, he's got some news. I suggest ya get yourself prettied up. At least take a shower. I'm not too keen on sponge bathin' ya. I have a feelin' ya'd like it too much."

She's Island Girl again. I'm starting to figure her out. When she wants me ta get my ass in gear she brings out Island Girl, 'cause she sounds like she shouldn't be messed with.

Trina leaves and I turn on my back and stare at the ceilin'. Then I stare at the milkshake they brought me. It's from Xander. He'd heard it was my birthday last week and got them to blend up a shake that had some birthday cake icin' and ice cream in it.

I guess he's been busy because he usually tries to come in every so often and watch me lay mute for a while. Then he'll put the TV on and talk to me and answer himself in this 'Faith' voice, which is so funny that when I get out of this bed I'm gonna kick his ass for it.

I eye the shake again. Looks kinda grey.

Shouldn't let that go to waste though.

I get up and bring the tray stand towards me. There's a card next to it.

Fuck it, I've decided not to die, at least for the time being, so what the fuck am I bein' such a slug for?

I open the card.

_Dear Faith, _

_"Roses are red_

_So is Willow's hair_

_I know you're blue_

_And you don't think it's fair_

_So to help you get a clue_

_BUFFY LOVES YOU!"_

_I'll see you later, I had to go to Tokyo to help with the girls getting back. I really hope you open this card. Don't do anything stupid Faith, please? Besides Trina's a powerful witchdoctor. 'Nuff said! So please, wait until I get there. If you want to hurt anything, hurt me._

_Oh, and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! _

_And the other night, it's between you and me, I haven't told anyone anything, including the doctors so don't go blabbing to them about it. I've forgotten it already. What happened? Movie wasn't it? Then you went slaying (for the record, without my knowledge or consent) and got your jaw re-broke. No big deal. See you tonight!_

_Yours studly,_

_Xander, A.K.A. X-man, Xand-man, X-ray, X, Spongebob Xanderpants._

Fuckin' funny dude. The last name he wrote makes me snort laughin' thinkin' of his Spongebob impression. He does a good one. Not that I really watch Spongebob or nothin'.

I just watch it for the interviews. Heh.

Fuck. Witchdoctor huh? I've gotta be extra careful or Trina'll give me a fuckin' shrunken head.

Wonder if the girls are gettin' all packed. It's gotta suck to come back on a 11 or so hour flight. A few will be teleportin' but they can't all do it, have to look on the up and up for the government.

B's got a tail on her.

Fuck, yeah she does!

Shit, I gotta stop thinkin' about her. I'm on thin ice with myself. Have to move on. So plan today is movin' the fuck on. Get my shit all packed, give a few high fives to the girls for a job well done. Throw Buffy the victory signal (my preference is to give it with both middle fingers but I don't want my jaw busted again), give a thumbs up to her girl, and I'm out like Seacrest.

Me and Giles and some open road. Or open British rail, actually. G-man mentioned something about going to London for a clean up job. I need to get my head back into the right frame of mind.

I go shower and put on my Ireland hoodie and my really comfortable jeans. Got some kick ass kicks too. Don't need my badass boots for just lyin' around.

What to do now?

Drank the shake, there was more than just birthday icing and ice cream in there, Dana must have put in some protein powder and somethin' else because my energy level feels boosted. Good, it'll help keep the black thoughts out; don't need to wallow when I'm tryin' ta move on.

I put the card in my bag and zip it up. Xander means well but he must be fuckin' blind. B doesn't love me she hates me. I won't tell Xander he's blind though, let him figure it out himself. I look around to see if I'm missin' anything. Got my shit laid out for tomorrow. Good to have a plan.

What to do now?

I bounce the ball up against the far wall for about an hour before I go out of my mind with boredom. It's rainin' outside. I don't wanna go joggin', but I need to do something, I'm restless. Still feels like I'm comin' down from a high. The doc in jail said I was addicted to the dark, the anger and sufferin'. Said it was exactly like a drug to me. Angel knew it too, he'd been there, done that shit. Wonder what Big A's doin' now? I heard Cordy bit the big one right after I left last year. Sucks. Even though her and I didn't get along, she was a straight talker and I admired that.

Admired her big firm ass and nice round tits, too. POW. Cordy had it goin' on!

Xander bags all the fine honeys. I'm still baffled by the fact that he and Buffy never got busy. Probably because she's secretly gay. Never saw that one comin', I'll tell ya that. I mean I knew with one look that Red had started datin' the ladies. Always tried to see that in B but never could, not that I didn't try. Shit, I probably could have gone blind myself, tryin' ta see what was never gonna be there.

Fuck, didn't I say I was movin' on?!

What else to do? Docs are busy preparin' some shit for some of the girls who got hurt in Japan. They had medics in the field but that was only to get them patched up until they get back here. Don't need the Emergency room docs in Tokyo gettin' suspicious. Havin' a big giant Dawnie in the middle of downtown Tokyo probably drew some unwanted attention. I mean what the fuck were they thinkin'?! The locals probably thought Godzilla mated with Michelle Pfeiffer and was let loose on their city. Ha!

Xander mentioned he's got a Playstation 2 hooked up to the big screens they got down there in the Control Room. I wanna try out that new fightin' game he said he got. Bet I can beat the fuckin' game with one hand tied behind my back.

Ok, I'm down in the Control Room now, still pretty impressive. Don't feel like I wanna gouge my eyes out bein' in here. Must not be affected by hearin' that shit yesterday. That's a good sign.

How's this shit work again?

Fuck, don't want to touch the wrong button and hear a replay of the shit I heard yesterday. Even though no matter what I hear is not gonna get to me, I still don't need to be hearin' it.

Yeah, I've come to terms with the fact that I want B to be happy with her Shogun Warrior and she can be happy while my face stays unbroken. I'm not gonna mess with her.

Hmmm that button brought up the screens. That one there brings them online. Ok, so don't touch that one; hit the Video 1 button. Bam, Playstation heaven, baby!!

Halfway through the 12th and final boss stage my eyes keep shiftin' to that one button. Number 33. Wonder if Xand hipped B to the fact that she's got a camera on. Must be on one of her shirts or somethin'. Fuck it, not my problem. Don't even care.

Shit!! Lost again! Restart. Damn, I wish I had my tunes with me. Fuck, threw my player off the castle. How stupid.

Number 33. Looks like that button is the only one on the control panel. Could it have gotten bigger? Shit, my mind's playin' tricks on me.

That button brings the screens online, huh?

Fuck, that's bright!

Push number 33. Go ahead ya fuckin' bitch. Push it! Ya know ya wanna. How can you not? Hear her and her bitch goin' at it like rabbits.

_Click_.

Still can't see nothin' just the back of a chair. Must have thrown off their clothes and the one with the camera and mic attached, ended up behind a chair.

Wonder what this button does? Damn, brings number 33 full screen. The sound seems to fill up the room.

I hear music playin'. That a Madonna song?

_Something's missing and I don't know why__  
__I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you_

Yep, I recognize that song.

_Is it me or you that I'm afraid of__  
__I tell myself I'll show you what I'm made of__  
__Can't bring myself to let you go_

Good old Madge. My ma used to listen to that album a lot.

_Don't want to cause you any pain__  
__But I love you just the same__  
__And you'll always be my baby_

I always identified this song with me. Bad Girl. Heh.

_In my heart I know we've come apart__  
__And I don't know where to start__  
__What can I do, I don't wanna feel blue_

Shit, someone's cryin'. Wonder if it's Satsu.

_Bad girl drunk by six__  
__Kissing someone else's lips_

Probably feelin' down 'cause B's bein' a total bitch.

_Smoked too many cigarettes today__  
__I'm not happy when I act this way_

The cryin' turns to wailin'.

_Bad girl drunk by six__  
__Kissing some kind stranger's lips__  
__Smoked too many cigarettes today_

I'd recognize that voice anywhere. It's Buffy.

_I'm not happy, I'm not happy_

What cha cryin' for B?

_Something's happened and I can't go back__  
__I fall apart every time you hand your heart out to me__  
__What happens now, I know I don't deserve you__  
__I wonder how I'm ever gonna hurt you__  
__Can't bring myself to let you go_

You tryin' ta let Satsu go?

_I don't want to cause you any pain__  
__But I love you just the same__  
__And you'll always be my baby__  
__In my heart I know we've come apart__  
__And I don't know where to start__  
__What can I do, I don't wanna feel blue_

Me neither...

_Bad girl drunk by six__  
__Kissing someone else's lips__  
__Smoked too many cigarettes today__  
__I'm not happy when I act this way_

I wish it were me you were cryin' over, B. Fucked up thing is I don't want you to hurt over a nothin' like me.

"Faith" I turn around. No one's there.

_Bad girl drunk by six__  
__Kissing some kind stranger's lips__  
__Smoked too many cigarettes today__  
__I'm not happy, I'm not happy... this way_

Shit, could she have said my name?

"BUFFY!!"

Someone's knockin' on the door.

B shuts off the music.

"Yeah?!"

"We're ready to go, Dawn's already been teleported! Willow's a little tired." Heh, I'll bet. Dawn's a big girl.

"I'll be ready in a minute!!"

"OK! We'll be down in the lobby!

Fuck, that means she's comin' home, like NOW. Oh mother fucker, Dawn's already here and I've been crashin' in her room.

I hear her rustlin' around and then the B whispers, "When I get back I'll make it better, for me and for Faith. Can't let it keep going like it is."

Holy Shit!! My heart is fuckin' goin' nuts. I have to sit down.

What the fuck am I talkin' about?! I have to get out of here!

More rustlin' and she says, "How'd that get back there?" I see her face for the first time since she beat the shit out of me.

PANG. Shit, I got it bad. She's gorgeous even though she's got that all cried out face.

The screen goes black.

I sigh as I shut the shit down.

So much for movin' on.

"Hi, Faith!!"

Oh fuck, Dawnie.

I put up my hand and give a head nod. What's up?

She puts her hand, palm side up, right in front of me. I was on my way outside the castle for a walk. Figured I'd clear my head a bit. Get out of the way for a while.

She still has her hand in front of me blockin' my path. "Hop up."

I quirk an eyebrow.

"C'mon we'll go for a walk."

Fuck I guess I'll go, it could be interestin'. Probably wants to give me shit about bein' in her room. I step onto her hand and she lifts me up.

FUCK! I have to hold onto her thumb to keep my balance. She lifts me to her shoulder and I sit up there like a parrot on a pirate, only I have to hold onto her hair so I don't fall the fuck off.

"I'm so glad you're still here, Faith!! Xander told us about you patrolling alone the other night. You're so crazy!! Why would you do that?"

I hope she doesn't expect me to answer back on this journey. Normally a person with a wired jaw can talk between their clenched teeth, but my little stunt the other night ripped some stitches as well as the pins I pulled out, and Dana said I shouldn't try to do anything that will vibrate my tongue.

"What am I saying?" She puts her arms and hands up in the 'what the fuck am I saying' position. "Of course you would totally do something like that! You're Faith. Always doing things your own badass way. It's what I fell in absolute love with you over."

My heart stops.

In what now?

She laughs, "In a totally non-gay way, of course."

Of course, I mean, fallin' 'in absolute love' with another girl is completely non-gay.

"I know what you're thinking. But it's true, I loved everything about you when you first came to Sunnydale. The way you talked, the way you dressed, the fact that you got under Buffy's skin."

I flinch a little at that but it makes me smile too. Me and D used to sit and talk like this a lot. It was pretty much like it is now, me sittin' and listenin' to her spill about everything. We had some good times her and me.

"But then you went all evil, and I hated you." I hated me too, Squirt. "But the funny thing is the love was still there. Maybe it was just me being a silly pre-teen, but I always thought you'd come back to us. Even when you were double crossing us with working for the Mayor, I had some crazy notion that you might be working undercover and you'd help us defeat him."

Damn, I didn't think how Dawn would be takin' the fact that I was a total bitch backstabber.

"I mean you did help us with how to defeat him, but not until Buffy put you in a coma."

Another flinch from me.

"But you came through in the end for us, Faith." I let out a snort. She must be on crack. "Don't laugh. You've always been there for us, even if you didn't know it, or don't think so. I mean when you came back to help us with the First: Even though it looked like you were trying to muscle Buffy out of her top spot, which we all did to let you have a turn at leader, I knew you were there because you loved Buffy and would defend us because of that need to protect her."

I'm sittin' here stunned, and even if I could talk I would still be speechless.

"I know you think I've gone crazy, Faith but I've just been thinking a lot. Oh and yelling a lot too. I totally gave Buffy a good tongue lashing over her whole stunt last week."

Again another snort from me.

"OH MY GOD!! EWWWW!!" She laughs. "That didn't sound right!!" She turns her head and cracks the fuck up. Good thing she turned her head or she would have blown me off into the lake.

She recovers.

"Point is, Faith. I don't know how you feel, but I have a pretty good idea and I don't want you getting hurt anymore. Physically or mentally."

Wow, Squirt's really grown up, even if she wasn't a fuckin' giant.

She brings us to a big hill with rocks and turns to sit on it. We sit in silence for a while.

"That thing with Satsu..."

I tense up.

She stops and lets out a sigh.

"Let's just say, Buffy loves her about as much as she loved Riley."

Huh? I thought B loved Riley, she just couldn't express it very well 'cause she had a lot of other shit on her plate at the time. Like her Ma dyin' and that Glory bitch comin' for Dawn.

"No, I know what you're thinking and no," Oh she thinks she knows? "she didn't _love_, love Riley." Fuck, maybe she does know. "He was there for moral support and she appreciated that, but there was never any fire, or real passion. He was head over heels though, and she didn't want to break his heart. She _says_ she broke up with him over the whole letting vampirettes suck his blood but that was just an excuse to let him go. It was the out she needed."

Hmm, that's pretty interestin'. Didn't know about the whole blood suckin' thing. Guess Beefstick let the darkness take over for a while, too.

"I always used to marvel at the way people fell in love with Buffy all the time. I mean, I saw it happen with Angel, Xander, you, Riley, Spike, Satsu...Willow."

HA!! RED?! I mean yeah, Red's gay and all, but I didn't think she had a thing for Buffy.

"Not sex love, Faith. But Willow would lay it all on the line for Buffy, and has. That's the kind of friend love that just doesn't exist all too much anymore."

Damn, can she fuckin' read minds? I better keep mine clear, use the stuff my first watcher taught me.

"So, I take it you figured things out about Buffy and Satsu?"

I shrug.

"Pull on my hair once for yes, twice for no." Heh, guess they all got trained on the no and yes thing.

I pull once. Dunno why I want to talk to D about this shit, but I have a feeling it's gonna help. If only to be able to get someone else's opinion on Buffy's behavior.

Wow, I must be growin' up, too. Didn't really give a shit about how other people behaved before.

"Everybody was pretty stunned. I didn't see it coming that's for sure."

Makes two of us.

"Did _you_?"

I pull twice.

We're quiet for a bit, Dawn picks up some gravel which to her would be like pickin' up dirt. She holds it out for me to take some stones. I grab some and look down at it.

Coulda been a part of this the other night. All they woulda had to do would be to scoop it up, after they hauled my broken body away.

"I did see her loving a woman though."

Oh really? How's that work, thought you said you didn't? I sit down on her shoulder again and start chuckin' stones in the lake.

"Yeah, I know, I'm all contradict-y. I just mean, I've seen her love a woman for a long time now."

I wait.

Which means I stay as still as I possibly can, I think I know what's comin'. Xander must've seen it too, which is why he wrote that stuff in my card.

"You know?"

I pull twice. Makes her have to tell me.

"Yeah, ya do, liar." She chuckles. "She's always had a thing for you, Faith."

My jaw doesn't think so. I rub it.

"How's your jaw?"

I shrug.

"Once for hurts, twice for 'I'm gonna kill Buffy and all of her friends'."

Fuckin' BRAT!! I laugh and my jaw _does_ fuckin' hurt. It's actually the area under the tongue that had to be re-stitched that's _really_ fuckin' killin' me. Never really knew that part existed, ya know? But now that it hurts, you better believe I fuckin' know it's there!

I pull her hair three times.

"Oh, that's three times for 'Dawn's the best most beautifullest person in the world!'"

Did I mention she was a brat?

"But really, Faith. She's so in love with you and in denial it comes out in a really violent way."

Don't I know it about the violent part. Still not convinced that she loves me.

Until she's lickin' me all over I'm not gonna hold my breath.

"I think she's coming around though. She and Satsu aren't together anymore."

"They're still friends, of course." Of course, they're women. "Satsu was the one who actually made Buffy admit that she loved you."

Oh really? Guess they must have had another conversation after the one in the hotel room.

"I don't know what's going to happen between you two Faith, but you guys should definitely talk."

I snort again, I'm gettin' pretty expressive with those.

"I know, I know, you're mouth impaired. But that thing Willow sent really does work. Xander had it set to the wrong mode."

She must mean the thing that lets you display your thoughts on the screen.

"I really hope you guys can work things out. I want Buffy to be happy. And I'd love to see you settle down."

I would laugh at that if I didn't want exactly what she described.

It's not like I haven't thought those exact same things ever since I got out of prison, and maybe even before, even though for most of that time I was in denial, but hearin' Dawn say it really makes me realize that I'm not fuckin' backin' down. She either wants this relationship or she can just fuckin' be miserable for the rest of her life.

There ain't no one like me, and she'll never be happy with anyone else. Same way I feel about her. My heart feels full right now.

"You're thinking about it too, huh?"

I frown at her. How does she do that?

"It's written all over your face."

I narrow my eyes at her.

"Oh, and if that look means you're plotting something to mess with my sister, my knuckle prints will be all over your face, too."

I laugh. These Summers girls will be the death of me, or at least my good looks. 'Cause yeah, I may hate myself but I know I'm a fox.

I stand up and gesture for her to move her hair away from her ear. She does and I step closer to her ear and whisper as loud as I can, "I love you, Dawnie. Thanks." I give a teeny but meaningful kiss on the area next to her ear by her face. Not quite on her cheek cause I'll topple down into Pipsqueak's cleavage and B or Giles may come by and _you_ try explainin' that one. Xander would just pull up a chair and get a bucket of popcorn. Horndog.

She gets all squeal-y which is pretty frightenin' in someone of her size. "I love you too, Faith. But sheesh, shaddup once in a while will ya? I couldn't get a word in!"

I smile big and she tells me to hold on. She goes runnin' like a nut and I bounce around while holdin' onto her hair.

Whooooooooooooooo!! It's fuckin' fun!! Her laughs make me want to just laugh so hard, but I keep it in check. Kinda have somethin' to look forward to my tongue gettin' better in a hurry for. Yeah, that's right, I'm a horn dog, too.

As much fun as this is, I hope she gets made small again, sucks to be different like that.

She brings me back to the castle and gives me a huge kiss.

"Don't forget what we talked about, Faith. You deserve happiness, too. Don't lose yourself in trying to make her happy, but don't hurt her on purpose either. Got it?"

I gesture for her to bend forward a little. I tweak one of her nipples with both my hands.

"OW!! A purple nurple?! You suck so much!!" She laughs. Didn't hurt her at all, but she said it did for old time's sake. "Remember that time I gave you a purple nurple and Buffy got so totally mad and threw you out of the house? She made mom ground me and everything without explaining why. I guess she didn't realize that we messed around like that all the time. But I think she thought it would lead to me and you eventually going out or something. Even then I knew she wanted you all to herself."

We chuckle a bit thinkin' about better times. I start gettin' nervous about seein' B.

"She'll be back later tonight." Damn, she reads me so well. "Willow just called; Renee will be well enough to travel and then they'll teleport together."

Renee's Xander's chick. I give her a puzzled look. "She took a shot from a katana, Buffy killed the demon who did it. She's bringing the sword back. It's pretty bitchin'.

Ha! I knew she'd get one of those.

Hope Dawnie's right and B doesn't want to behead me with it.

Dawn and I say our goodbyes after she tells me not to mess with her stuff. She makes me promise I won't go in her bottom drawer. Like that'll stop me, but I really don't wanna see something like Dawnie's vibe. I mean, she's hot and all, but it would be like incest, dude.

I shudder thinkin' about her not bein' able to have sex. I mean, what could she do now? Squat on a silo? Ew. Maybe if Will can't make her smaller they can make her vibe bigger.

Ha, I fuckin' think some stupid shit sometimes.


	11. Down With the Queen

Author's note: Thanks so much to everyone who's reading and reviewing. Your kind words and encouragement are really very, very much appreciated. 

I'm pacin' in Dawnie's room. I dunno what to do with myself. B should be back soon with the others and I don't know what I'm gonna do.

What I'm mainly worried about, is if I see her and I'm scared as shit to be near her. I'm kinda thinkin' I might be. Ya know, like a kid who gets beat all the time, worried about when the grown up is gonna just haul off and slap 'em. Mostly a kid is afraid 'cause they feel helpless. And that's the real problem.

I feel helpless around Buffy. Like she could do anything to me and I'd just let her. No one should have that kind of power over anyone else. And believe me, it's not something that I want anyone to have, but I've never been able to be any other way with B. Although I doubt she ever knew that, and believe me I don't plan on tellin' her any time soon either.

I see a book that looks like a photo album on Dawn's shelf. I flip through a few dozen pages of her and her friends at school and some of the slayer friends she's made here. Then I see a picture that has my heart racin'. It looks like a picture that must have been taken on Halloween. B's got a dark wig on and her makeup is all dark, she's lookin' away from the camera with a serious look on her face, like she's some high class model.

God damn she's gorgeous. I didn't realize her eyes could look that green. I know at times they're green tinged 'cause she's got hazel eyes and they can be brown and green and sometimes even beige, yeah it's freaky when they look like that. I know she'd never believe I know what eye color she has, but I do. Knew it the minute I met her, that was the second thing I noticed about her, first thing was the tits. I _said_ I was a horn dog.

Her lips are a glossy black and I just want to lick and nibble 'em. I also get an urge to kiss her cute little nose, even though she'd say not to call attention to it because she thinks it looks stupid. We had a few arguments about her nose on patrol before. I tried not to sound like I cared about what it looked like, but secretly I wanted to tell her I'd fuckin' die just to be able to kiss her nose and that I thought it was fuckin' adorable. So anyway, she'd ask me what she should do with it, get it fixed or whatnot and I would tell her it's just a nose, why would you spend all that money fixin' it, and she'd get all pissed sayin' I wasn't listenin' to anything she said. Those were fun times.

I'm so caught up in lookin' at the picture that I don't even notice someone has come in the room and is now lookin' over my shoulder. Fuck, Will must've given them all stealth spells.

"Dawn took that last year, on Halloween. She thought I looked like that girl from the 'Sour Girl' video."

I flinch just a little hearin' her voice. My heart which was already beatin' faster at seein' her picture is doin' triple time. I hope it doesn't explode.

"Then she said it was something _you_ would go dressed as, and suddenly it's exactly what I wanted to wear for Halloween." She laughs then goes quiet. "I didn't know if you'd want to see me, but I needed to see you."

I don't know what to do with myself so I stay still. I keep lookin' at her picture; she dressed up like this because she thought I would have. I wonder briefly if I should tell her I _did_ wear that exact same costume to a party once. The song was popular at the time and I needed a costume and someone suggested I go all goth. Hence the costume.

Damn, she wore somethin' to be like me. A feelin' of wantin' to hold her comes over me. Guess that means I'm not traumatized by her, good to know.

"I'm glad you're still here, I thought you might have run far from here; far from me..." She trails off.

I feel kinda awkward standin' here like this, with her lookin' around my shoulder, but somethin' tells me she doesn't want to be face to face yet. I dunno, I'm feelin' all instinctual right now.

She reaches out and rubs my arm. I don't stiffen. "I thought you might like this sweatshirt. I hope you don't mind that it used to be mine."

So the Ireland hoodie was given to me by B, and it used to be hers. Interestin'.

She chuckles a bit, "I bet you didn't think I knew your last name."

I shrug and shake my head no.

"I drilled Angel for it, threatened to dust him if he didn't give it up. Of course I was just kidding around but one day he slipped and it came out. He told me it was Irish in origin. I didn't know you were Irish."

Ya don't really know shit about me B and ya never asked. Not like I ever asked you what you were either.

She brings her hand up to my shoulder and then down between my shoulder blades, givin' me a mini massage. That feels fuckin' great.

I sigh out.

I can hear her start to cry. Oh fuck, I don't want her to cry! I have a feelin' it'll make me start bawlin' and I don't want to be that vulnerable right now.

"I'm so sorry, Faith. I know you probably don't believe me but I am; I don't know what came over me the other night."

I put the book down and turn around facin' her.

Shit, I wish I could talk without soundin' like a fuckin' dumbass. Makes me wanna rip the pins out again, but besides the fact that Buffy would be grossed the fuck out, Dana would seriously kick my ass.

Shoulda learned sign language, and taught it to B, not like we were doin' anything constructive at Giles' meetin's back in the 'Dale.

She's lookin' up at my jaw, probably to see if it's permanently damaged, at least on the outside. She brings up her arm and tentatively reaches out with a shaky hand.

Buffy's nervous, never thought I'd see that when it was just me an' her, she's usually so confident and sure around me. I wonder if she's been puttin' on an act around me all this time, just like I've been doin' with her.

I take her hand in mine and bring it up to my face. She takes over, rubs my cheek lightly, and then smoothes the skin over my jaw and chin.

"Oh, God, Faith. I'm so, so sorry." She takes her hand away and turns around, she's startin' to leave when I catch her around her shoulders. I don't turn her around; again, somethin' tells me she's too afraid to look me in the face. I back us up until I'm sittin' on the end of Dawn's bed, I let go of B and scoot up until I can feel my back hit the head board. She turns around to look at me. She's decidin' whether or not she should stay and not talk. 'Cause shit, I don't know how we're gonna communicate.

"Do you mind if I sit up there with you?"

I shake my head.

She gets a small smile on her face then looks confused, "Wait, 'No', you don't want me to sit up there, or 'no' you don't mind?"

Fuckin' hell, B!! She catches the look on my face and blushes and smiles through her tears. "Sorry, I'm just nervous." God damn, I just got another one of those heart pangs, she's _is_ gonna be the death of me. But hopefully it will be from her givin' me head and not her beheadin' me. Damn, I'm gettin' horny, how fucked up is that? I got to keep it in check, we're tryin' to let our demons go here. At least I am.

I pat the bed. Get the fuck up here before _I_ lose my nerve.

She hops up on the bed and looks like she can't decide where to sit, I point to between my legs and she quirks an eyebrow.

I narrow my eyes at her and she give me a questionin' look.

I give her a 'get over here' nod of my head. She crawls up the bed and shit, my pussy fuckin' responds to that. God Damnit! Doesn't it know we're not gettin' lucky here, we're bearin' our souls, or tryin' ta do some shit like that anyway. I think about Andrew and my desire becomes less, _quickly._

I point again to the area between my legs and she kneels in between them. She's so freakin' nervous she's shakin'. I reach out to her and turn her around, then I bring her towards me so her back is restin' up against my front. I breathe in the shampoo scent from her hair and it calms me. Never had that happen with anyone before. Of course I've never done anything like this with anyone before but, ya know, whatever. Closest I ever came was with Angel when I wanted him to kill me.

We're quiet for a while. She's still a bit nervous, she's been tryin' to find a comfortable place for her hands for a coupla minutes now. I don't know why I want to comfort her so much, she did almost fuckin' end me the other night.

Dawn and Xander's words come back to me, and I feel confident. Then I think about the fact that when she doesn't know how to act around me she gets violent. If nothin' else happens out of us lettin' our demons go tonight, that shit's gonna stop for sure. No more Faith as a punchin' bag for Buffy. She's wants to spar, cool, but no fuckin' punchin' me for sayin' 'Hi', or 'Hey' or any other stupid shit like that.

I reach around her and give her my hand, she takes it then seems to instantly calm. Good, don't need a skittish Buffy. She lets out a sigh and clasps her other hand around mine. I can feel her gatherin' strength for somethin'. I really hope this shit doesn't backfire on me.

"I-I don't know what to say, Faith. When you came here the other night I was happy to see you."

Oh really? Shit, now I gotta watch my face for when she's _happy_, too?

"For like a split second, and then I just, you askin' about who Satsu was, it just..."

Yeah, she doesn't know what she wants to say. She's doin' better than I would be doin' though. I squeeze her hand a little.

"I thought you knew about her...about us and were making fun. I really didn't expect you to come into my room, I thought it was Willow coming in to tell us you guys had arrived."

Willow said I should wait for her to go in the room first, but I didn't listen, she shoulda told me about the whole Buffy/Satsu bit so I didn't fuckin' walk into a shit storm. Oh well, live and learn.

"I guess the slayer took over."

Fuck yeah she did!

"I promise you Faith, no matter what else happens, I'll never hit you like that again."

Good.

"Oh God! I sound like one of those guys who beats on their wives, 'I'll never do it again sweetheart, trust me.'" She starts sniffin', shit she's gonna start wailin' any minute.

I let go of her hands and wrap my arms around her. Somethin' makes me wanna kiss the side of her head, I hope I don't get my ass handed to me, here goes nothin'.

She lets out a sigh when she feels my lips on the side of her head. I let my lips linger there for a moment or two. Some how I can feel her inner fears calmin' down, but her heart is startin' ta race a bit, I place my hand over it.

"You feel that Faith?"

I nod my head.

She's quiet for a moment, I can tell she wants to say somethin' though.

"It beats like that for you."

Shit, I wanna laugh, not because I feel bitter, but because it's fuckin' surreal, dude. It's almost like I'm watchin' a soap opera.

"Uhhhh, didn't mean for that to sound so cheesy. But..."

I shift her in my arms slightly and she turns her face towards me. She's waitin' for me ta give her a sign.

I lean in and give her a small kiss on the lips. Damn, lightnin' just fuckin' shot through me!

Her breathin' picks up and I can feel her heart beat goin' triple time under my hand. I guess the lightnin' didn't only hit me. Somethin' else that's good to know.

She narrows her eyes at my lips. Guess she's wonderin' if I put somethin' on 'em to shock her with.

"Can we do that again?"

That makes me smile. I nod my head.

She leans in and kisses my lips gently, like she's tryin' it out. I can feel her want to deepen the kiss and really, how fuckin' cruel is it that I can't open my mouth?!

I can feel her lick my bottom lip, then she takes it into her mouth and sucks gently. God damn! That feels so fuckin' good. But shit, we shouldn't be doin' this, we need ta talk and know where we stand. Even though I usually jump full force into gettin' a fuck when I want it, I'm not gonna let that happen here. I want this ta work too much.

Yeah, that's right. Me. The 'Get Some, Get Gone' girl wants a relationship that's not all fucked up and lasts an hour. Go fuckin' figure.

She licks and sucks my lip a little more and then lets it go with a sigh. She leans her head on mine and whispers, "Faith, that feels so, so good. But I don't know if we should be doing this, I might not want to stop and then we'd never talk about what we need to."

I sigh and nod my head.

"You feel it too?"

Another nod.

"Can I tell you something? And please don't laugh," I nod again. "I love you."

Shit, I can't believe she said it. Just like that. No dancin' around each other for days and then me goin' off to London without shit bein' resolved. But fuck it, I guess we've been dancin' around each other for years now, so I guess I should be sayin' ''Bout fuckin' time!!'. I wonder how long she's known she loved me. I've loved her from before I knew who she was. Never knew it was her I was lookin' for though. Until that time outside the Bronze; that was when I felt the lightnin' the first time.

"I can't pin point when it actually happened, but I know I've been in denial for a long time. Really bad denial, too."

She pulls back a little so she can see my face. I'm not sure if it's revealin' anything, but I want to tell her I feel the same.

She leans in and kisses my chin. That makes me smile a little.

"God, I love your dimples, and I love finally being able to say that. Your smile is so beautiful." B gives me her version of a beautiful smile.

Damn, my heart is clenchin', feels like someone's tryin' to squeeze the shit out of it.

Things go quiet again, and she gets a nervous look on her face, of course I haven't been able to say anything so she doesn't really know how I feel. Apart from the couple of kisses I gave her and the hand holdin' an' junk.

I shift us so I can see her more and so she can see my hand gesture. I give her the only sign language symbol I know, well except the one for 'thank you'.

She smiles hugely and lets out a sob. "I love you, too. So, so much, Faith. I'm so sorry..."

I stop her from tryin' to blub more and give her the 'one minute' symbol. I get up from behind her and go to Dawn's dresser. The thing Xander said was from Willow is here. I was gonna toss the fucker off the castle this mornin' but now I'm thinkin' it could come in handy.

I check to make sure it's in the right mode, but it really doesn't need ta be I guess, 'cause everything that's in my head is exactly what's in my heart, and it's all gonna come out. Just tryin' to stop B from seein' the pervy stuff right now. Don't need this ruined by her seein' how much of a horny bitch I can be.

'Cause yeah, while I say I don't want us to fuck tonight, doesn't mean I'm not thinkin' 'bout us gettin' hot an' fuckin' heavy. I'll keep that shit to myself though.

She looks confused, God that's such an adorable look on her face. "You wanna play an electronic game?"

I chuckle and shake my head. I touch the screen and make sure it doesn't say anything stupid. **'No, this will let us be able to talk, Willow sent it.'**

"She's one clever witch, huh?"

**'Yeah, the cleverest.' **

B smiles. "So..."

I touch the screen and hold it up to her. **'So...'**

She cracks up. "Does it have a button for 'less awkward'?"

I let out my own version of a laugh and sit on the bed. She kneels up behind me and looks over my shoulder at the screen as I touch it.

**'When has anything been easy for us, B?'**

"Never, it's never been easy."

**'So, let me make it simple. I'm not sure what **_**you **_**really want, but I'll tell ya I don't wanna fight anymore, that's for sure. No more fuckin' punch' and ask questions later. I mean it, B. No fuckin' more.'**

"I know, Faith, really. I won't do that anymore, I promise."

**'It's not just you, Buffy. It's me makin' that promise, too. I've beat on you a few times before when I was frustrated, and I'm lettin' you know that shit ain't happenin' anymore. Not even a slap.'**

I feel her nod her head in agreement. "Ok."

**'And don't take this the wrong way, but we can't be together just yet.'**

I hear her breathin' increase and start to sound fucked up. I snap my fingers to get her attention and touch the screen again.

**'I said not to take it the wrong way!!'**

"Well, I'm...I just thought...you're right." She sighs a sad soundin' sigh.

**'Look, we're gonna be together, that shit's a given. And just so we're on the same page, I wanna be with you. Do you want that?'**

"Yes, more than anything."

I smile, '**Well then we're gonna be. Can't let Princess Buffy not get somethin' she wants.'** She snorts out a laugh and slaps me in the arm. She instantly stiffens. I can tell she thinks she just broke rule number one.

**'B, those are love taps, understand the difference?'**

She nods, "Yes."

**'Good. Now, Giles has some business lined up for me to take care of in London. Probably gonna be about a week before the docs'll let me go. I don't know how long it's gonna take, and I don't wanna make any promises I can't keep. But if you still want to be together, then we'll work on it. How's that sound?'**

"Sounds wonderful." She lets out another sob. "I'm so sorry, Faith." She looks away towards the wall.

I snap my fingers to get her attention again and touch the screen again. **'No more sorrys, B. Otherwise we'll be here all fuckin' day. Let's just agree to forgive recent events, and some of the shit from the past, we'll work on the rest. But for the record, I'm sorry, too. For everything."**

She wraps her arms around me and kisses me on the cheek, lettin' it linger.

"So what do we do now?"

**'We seal it with a fuck.'**

She laughs and says, "You're so gonna get it!!" She pokes me in the side.

**'Yeah, I know, now strip.'**

She pulls a pillow off the bed and soon we're in a full on pillow fight. All that needs to happen is for us to be scantily clad and feathers all flyin' and then Xander walkin' in and goin' blind in his other eye. I know he's got a fantasy about slayers and pillow fights and shit.

Soon someone knocks at the door and calls for B. Buffy looks like she just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Or in my jar of cookies. Heh. Damn, I want her so bad.

Must be Satsu. B looks at me like she doesn't know whether to answer the door or jump out the window.

I get the gadget. **'You and her broke up?'**

She nods and touches the screen. '**She broke up with me, after I admitted to her that I loved you.'** Damn, clever fuckin' gadget, her thoughts are in a different color. Black for me, red for her. Xander's color was blue. Heh. I shake those thoughts from my head.

**'So what's the big deal?'**

**'I feel bad for her having to see us together.'**

**'Somethin' tells me she's a pretty cool girl.'** I shrug. **'Do what ya gotta, I'll be here.'**

She nods again and goes to the door.

"Hey Buffy, I came to talk to, Faith. Is that ok?"

Buffy looks at me. I nod.

Probably wants to give me some shit, I'm ready for it though, I feel bad for stealin' her girl and all, but since B's always been my girl I don't feel like I'm actually stealin'. I guess that doesn't make too much sense ta someone on the outside, but from where I'm sittin' it makes all the sense in the world.

"I'll be in the infirmary checking on the girls if you guys need me."

"Thanks Buffy, oh and tell Renee to stop trying to remove her bandage, she'll pull the stitches."

"Will do." B looks a little worriedly at me and I give her a reassuring wink and a smile. I want to blow her a kiss but that would just be bein' petty and I don't wanna do that to this girl.

"First off I know what you're thinking Faith and that's not why I'm here." Shit can everyone fuckin' read my mind or somethin'? Must be some stupid fuckin' 'Slayer connection' thing. I quirk an eyebrow at her. "Let me explain."

I'm all ears.

"I kinda played this scenario out in my head already, and I put myself in your shoes, so I guess I think I know what you'd be thinking and how you'd be feeling."

Clever girl, I guess I'd probably do the same thing. What am I talkin' about?! I'd barge into the room, tell _whoever_ that they weren't gettin' their greasy hands on my girl and then drag B off into the woods like a big ape. Call me Queen Kong.

"I came here to say that there are no hard feelings," She hesitates a moment tryin' ta gauge what's written on my face. "at least not on my part."

**'Same here.'** Might as well put her at ease quickly.

"Good, because Andrew built me up with all this nonsense about what you were going to do to me, like slit my throat and that we'd probably end up 'in a duel for the fair Buffy's virgin hand'. Andrew's kinda nuts, isn't he?" She's lookin' for validation, I guess everyone else has known him longer and just accepts his nuttiness, Satsu's still tryin' to figure him out.

**'Yeah, the nuttiest. Makes me look like the poster child for sanity.'**

She laughs.

"I'm sorry about the other night." That makes me confused. What did she do? "I said that thing about you having 'help' written all over you. I was feeling a bit petty."

Hmmm, must have been right after B gave me that mega uppercut to the jaw. Didn't even really remember it.

**'Didn't remember it until just now.'** I get up off the bed, touch the screen and hold it out to her. **'But now that you brought it up, let's go!'** I feel like fuckin' with her a bit.

"You can't fool me." She laughs. "I can see that glint in your eye and it says you're kidding."

I guess she _can_ read me pretty well. Chicks, huh?

"So, the other reason I'm here..."

I quirk an eyebrow.

"Mr. Giles mentioned that you guys'll be going to London for a mission." I nod my head, she's probably gonna tell me how she'll protect Buffy while I'm gone and that I have no worries about her musclin' in on my territory.

"I wanted to ask if I could come along." Or not.

I narrow my eyes at her.

"I would like to help out, he said it could be pretty dangerous." I'm impressed.

**'You sure? I mean don't you have stuff here you have to do?'**

"Buffy's got it pretty well covered here, and besides for some reason I have a feeling she's not gonna be around here forever, someone's gonna need to run things here. I need to learn everything I can from the best that there is. I've learned a lot from Buffy, now I need to learn from you."

Wow, forget about me and B, I think I might fall in love with Satsu here.

**'As long as it's ok with the people here, I'm cool with it. I know Giles would love the extra help. He's probably tryin' to rope some other innocent slayer into coming.'**

"Nah, I think he mentioned it to me because he thought I might take the bait."

**'Probably sees what everyone else does, you're one hell of a slayer.'**

"Thanks, I'm still not there yet though."

**'You will be.'**

Things get quiet for a bit, I know she wants to ask me some stuff she'll think I'll be mad about.

"I'm sure Dawn's already told you this, but if you hurt Buffy, I'm gonna come looking for you."

**'Yeah, I've heard that speech already. Don't worry, I don't plan on doin' any more stupid shit, mainly don't wanna ruin my chances with Buffy.'**

"Good, she loves you a lot, ya know."

**'I'm gettin' that. Finally. I want to thank you, for...'**

"Getting Buffy to admit to me what she wouldn't to herself?"

**'Well, yeah, that too. But thanks for breakin' through Buffy's straight barrier.'** I chuckle.

She laughs. "Ummm, well... I uhhh."

**'Yeah, you thought I'd want to kick your ass for that, huh?'** And I did when I first heard it, but now I'm glad she did, it brought us to where we are right now. Here's pretty good.

"Well, I'm not sure what I thought, but I didn't think you'd actually be happy about it."

**'Andrew had you riled up, huh?'**

"He was trying to. Did you do something terrible to him?"

**'Stole his hot pocket.'**

"OH MY GOD!! I almost did that once and Kennedy saved me. I'm thinking I need to go buy her a present now. I didn't realize how protective he was over his hot pockets."

I snort out a laugh. She looks concerned. I like this girl.

"How long will you have your jaw wired shut?"

**'Doc said about another week, then she'd let me go. But I gotta promise not to do anything strenuous with my tongue.'**

She gets a smartass look to her face. Oh I walked _right_ into that fuckin' one!

"I'll leave that one alone, mostly because you probably _will _kick my ass for it. I'll just say that I wish you the best for the next week. I'll get ready to go to London. Let me know what I need to bring, if anything special. I'll go tell Mr. Giles the good news."

I stop her before she turns to leave. **'Hey, I'm not really good at the social type of thing. Ya know, thankin' people and sayin' please and all. But I'm learnin'. I really wanna thank you for comin' here and talkin' to me, it took balls, and I can tell, if B does leave here, this place'll still run smoothly. I'm also pretty stoked that you're gonna help us in London. Thanks again.'**

"It's me who should be thanking you, Faith. But you're welcome." She holds her hand out to me and I give it a good firm shake. "See you later."

**'Hey, and I'm sorry about stealin' your girl.'** I add just because I think that should be said.

"She never was my girl, but don't worry. I'll heal, and you know what? There's no one like Buffy, and we'll still be friends but there are plenty of other chances for me to get my heart irreparably broken. If you want to have a hand in those too, let me know. We could schedule them."

She's a fuckin' smartass, and I love it!! I bring her closer for a quick hug.

"Hey! Is this appropriate? I mean technically you're my boss now. Plus I don't want Buffy, breaking _my_ jaw."

Whoever told me this girl was mild mannered and quiet was completely fuckin' wrong. Must've been Trina, she thinks everyone's mild mannered and quiet in comparison to her. But I have a feelin' Satsu's quiet until she's comfortable with ya, then watch out!

She leaves and I feel like jumpin' for joy, but I'm not a dork, so I fuckin' do!! Dawnie's bed is big enough for me to get all geeked out and I bounce around until I'm exhausted.

Glad to be in Scotland, glad to be with Buffy, glad to have someone help me and G...

And glad to be alive.

Oh fuck, Buffy!!

She keeps lappin' at my clit even though I just had my second orgasm. I get an urge to pull her head away, but then I get an urge to come again so I let her stay where she is.

"MMmmmm, Faith baby, you taste so good." She winks at me and reaches up and tweaks a nipple.

I really wish I had these fuckin' pins out, Dana said not for another day or two, but it's already been a week and she said I could have 'em out after a week!!

Buffy goes back to lickin' and lappin' at my clit and I can see her move her hand down between her legs. She's gettin' herself off. Oh man that's _so_ fuckin' **HOT**!

She moans into my clit as she's touchin' hers. Her tongue picks up its pace, then it gets a little slower, she wants to draw this one out, guess she wants us to come together.

This is our first night gettin' hot and heavy. We did the courtship thing, at least the abbreviated version, but finally, she couldn't take it anymore and she jumped my bones about 20 minutes ago. She's been selfish, and won't let me touch her or nothin'. Bet she's worried about me findin' out about her big clit. I hafta mentally laugh, she doesn't fuckin' remember that I was in that sweet body for about 2 days. I took a bath and did everything in it. And I do mean, everything!

'Course I would've sampled the goods, that's a no brainer. I was surprised about the clit at first but lemme tell ya, when they say "bigger is better", it's fuckin' true about clits! I almost screamed _so_ loud when I came durin' that bath that I had to stick a wash cloth in my mouth. Otherwise Joyce woulda come rushin' in the bathroom and then Buffy would have been gettin' really weird looks from her Ma and wonderin' why after we switched back. I wasn't exactly in the water when I was fuckin' myself to that monster orgasm, I mean I started out in the bath and then got the urge to get out and bend over the tub, pretendin' I was fuckin' B from behind and she was somehow also fuckin' me. That was one fuckin' awesome experience I'll never forget.

Kinda like the ultimate 69.

Whew, that memory has me gettin' so fuckin' hot! I can tell my pussy is workin' double overtime 'cause B's 'mmmmin' and slurpin' all the juice it's producin'. She reaches up with her free hand and enters me gently with two fingers. I buck my hips into her wantin' her in deeper. I want her to do everything. I don't know what I want first. I know I want it all at once though. I want if fast, and slow, and gentle and hard, most of all I REALLY wanna be lickin' her too.

Stupid fuckin' pins!!

Oh shit, I'm done for, she's suckin' my clit while she's fuckin' me with three fingers now. I put my hand on the back of her head and hold her to my pussy. My brain checks in and out as my orgasm is buildin' up, it spikes and I feel like I'm passin' out, then I come to a split second later and it starts all over again. Shit, I wonder if this is how I'll die. That would be fuckin' ironic, dude.

She reaches up with her hand that was just fuckin' herself and I she lifts her face off my pussy, I can see her smile and her 'fuck that's so good' face as she grinds her clit on my leg. She rubs my clit with her come soaked hand and that does it. Just knowin' it's B's come on my clit and her hot wet pussy grindin' on my leg, puts me over the edge.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!! The scream I let out of my throat can probably be heard in Glasgow. Fuck, probably can be heard even back in good ol' Southie.

No one's gonna come rushin' in here though, they're all out on a mission with Giles. It's to get stuff for Christmas which is in about a week. B suggested it. Minx wanted me all to herself.

God damn!! My brain is somewhere far, far away. Behind the moon -- beyond the rain...

I come to and Buffy's snuggled up to me, damn, I wonder how long I've been out. She's got us under the covers and she's tracin' a pattern on my skin. I can feel her breath on my nipple.

I can't talk, probably couldn't even if I didn't have the fuckin' pins in. I wanna ask her if she saw the jumbo jet before it crashed into the bed, but I have to settle for pinchin' her ass. She chuckles.

"Back from the land of nod?" She lifts her head and looks at me. Fuck, have I mentioned she's fuckin' beautiful? Her eyes are a dark green, just like in that picture from Halloween.

I breathe real deep and let out a long breath through my nose to try to calm my heart.

She's still smilin' and waitin' for somethin', probably waitin' for my eyes ta look like I'm actually alive.

"Was I good?"

HA!! Was she good?! I let out a snort. Shit, I need that gadget. I wanna tell her she's the best I ever had.

I give her a thumbs up.

"Yeah, I wanted to use my thumb too, but I didn't know if you'd like where I had in mind for it, so I decided against it. For now." She winks.

Brat!! Seriously, I think I'm havin' a heart attack from that one. That's fuckin' hot dude. H O T!

"It's so much fun to see your thoughts on your face, Faith. I can guess we'll be doing that soon enough."

I reach down to her ass and stroke her cheeks. Yeah we will, Princess. She better get some lube, cause she's gonna really get the Faith treatment once I get my strength back.

"Mmmmm, feels so nice to be like this."

Finally.

"Finally."

Wow, we do think alike. Sweet. I hug her to me and squeeze a little. I breathe in again and I can smell what's distinctly her and me. Damn, that smells good. I can also smell some of her shampoo and again I have that calm feelin' comin' over me.

No, no sleep!! I blink my eyes furiously to get the sleep out of 'em.

"Stop fighting it, baby. You need some sleep. You're leaving in a couple of days." She sounds so fuckin' sad when she says that, makes me wanna cry, too. "Let's not think about that though, we'll just get some sleep, you wore me out, by the way."

I did? Shit I didn't do nothin'. I wish I wore her out for like 10 hours. Just non-stop fuckin', that would be sweet.

"I came each time you did, you make me so hot, Faith. I love you."

I hold up my hand and give the 'I love you' sign.

She kisses my hand and snuggles in close. She drifts off and I follow her right away.

I'd follow her anywhere now.

_Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high. __  
__There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby._

_  
__Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue. __  
__And the dreams that you dare to dream__  
__Really do come true._

_  
__Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.__  
__Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops.__  
__That's where you'll find me..._

_Somewhere Over the Rainbow- words and music by Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg; sung by Judy Garland_

Two days later and B's still holdin' out on me touchin' her, well, it's not gonna be until I come back now, 'cause unless she wants to get busy in front of Giles, Xander, Willow, Satsu and a bunch of strangers from Edinburgh. The officials at good ol' Waverly Station will probably kick us the fuck out. Not before they got enough video on their security cameras ta beat off with, though.

God, my brain is really fucked up.

B's clingin' to me as I say my goodbyes to the abbreviated version of the gang. But I have a feelin' this gang, along with Dawn, is gonna be my new family. We've been through so much already.

Willow pulls Buffy off me and says, "Let someone else have a turn." B pouts and Willow rolls her eyes at me. "I'm sorry we didn't have more time with each other, Faith. But you'll be coming back soon, right?"

"She better, or the Buffster will get all kindsa cranky." Xander chuckles.

Willow gives me another hug and whispers in my ear. "I'm so happy for you both. Stay safe, and if you need me just send me a text message. I'll be there in a jiffy!"

"Will do, uhhh Will, thanks." I wink at her.

Yeah, got the pins out yesterday. Mouth still kinda hurts, so B said I couldn't have a taste of her. She's such a spoil sport. Her fault I'm in this predicament, she's gonna get it when I get back.

Hope she likes 10 non stop hours of head, 'cause I'm gonna keep her up for 20 hours, gettin' the ass, and givin' head. Sounds like a fuckin' plan.

Xander stands there lookin' a bit awkward, kinda like he doesn't believe he matters more in my life than he actually does.

I go over to him and give him the biggest bear hug he's ever had, barrin' any demons that mighta had him in one.

"I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow." My voice wavers just a little.

"It was nothing, Dorothy, but that apple throwing from the talking trees I'd rather not repeat again." I put him down and look him in the eyes. I don't know if he meant the whole 'trying to kill myself' incident, but I want him to know it won't happen again.

"I promise." I lean up on my tippy toes, can't there be a better word for that? Sounds too girly for me. Anyway, I lean up and plant a grateful kiss on his cheek. He pulls back and he's blushing.

"Uhh, is Buffy glaring at the back of my head? I feel glaring." He touches the hair at the back of his head.

I look over at B who was just glarin' like Xander said and she lets out a laugh 'cause she spotted me lookin' and she's busted. I love when she gets that look and laughs and rolls her eyes.

Fuckin' beautiful.

I reach for her and she looks a little upset. She better not fuckin' cry, I don't wanna start bawlin' in front of a bunch of tourists with Birkenstocks and fanny packs. Man, these theater geeks are nuts. Birkenstocks and fuckin' wool socks in the middle of fuckin' December. Crazy!

Anyway, B makes her way over to me and I wrap her up in a tight hug.

Her voice breaks as she whispers next to my ear. "You'll be back before you know it. Stay safe, sweetheart. I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too, honey. And the second that those vamps are toast I'm headin' back. That is if you want me to come back." Why did I say that? She stiffened, fuck, I gotta ruin everything with my low self esteem.

"I'll get Dawn to come find you if you don't."

"Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, I smell the blood of a Black Irish bum."

Buffy cracks up. She sighs into my shoulder. Suddenly it feels like we're the only ones in the station.

"Come back to me, Faith."

"Never would ever think of leavin' if I didn't hafta."

"Good, I didn't want to have to break rule number one."

Brat!! I'm glad she can joke about it though, 'cause I don't want it to be an untouchable subject between us. I do still want my _face_ to be untouchable for one of her monster uppercuts and right crosses. Heh.

"I love you, Buffy. Thanks for everything."

"You'll have plenty of time to show your thanks when you get back." She winks and my pussy contracts. Damn, I want to tell G and Satsu to just go ahead without me. Sucks.

I give her a loving kiss and curb my urge ta fuck her in front of everyone. We step back from each other and I can see the look in her eyes. Shit, I've seen that look before but I used to think it was disdain, or the look she'd get right before she'd kick my ass. All that look says to me is H O R N Y. And if I didn't get it before I do now.

She's been horny for me since back in the 'Dale!

Shit. That thought will keep my mind occupied for this whole trip. I'll be goin' back through every conversation and interaction we've ever had.

Everyone else is sayin' their goodbyes to each other and I give B one more kiss. She looks like she almost forgot something and reaches into her bag.

"Almost forgot! Early Christmas present." She hands me a package. Feels like a book. "Open it and think of me."

Awwww, she's such a sweetheart. Probably a book of poems or somethin'. I told her I liked Dorothy Parker, she's just dark enough to be my kinda thing.

"B, you shouldn't have, you said we wouldn't open presents until I get back."

"Think of this as a belated birthday present then."

I lean in and whisper in her ear. "I thought last night was my belated birthday present." She giggles and blushes.

I reach into my own bag and give her the present I got her. I knew she was gonna get me something. "Use these and think of me." I wink. Cue the even redder flush and more giggles from Buffy.

"Girls, as much as I don't want to be seen as an old fuddy duddy, the British Railway system won't wait for us, no matter how much in love we are."

"Damn, G, always gotta mess shit up." I smile at him.

"Yes, it is my sacred duty, to 'mess shit up' as you say." Everyone cracks up at that. I look around.

Satsu must've already got on the train. One more kiss for B and I get on after Giles does. I stand at the window and watch as the train pulls from the station, Buffy blows me a kiss and I catch it. Yeah, fuckin' lame but I don't care. She's my baby and whatever she does is ok with me.

I take my seat across from Giles and Satsu in our own private car. Satsu's takin' out something that looks like a bag of pixy sticks. She's been holdin' out on me!

"Hey, Sashimi, you ready to kick some serious ass, Faith style?" Yeah, I know her real name but I like to mess with her. I grab the bag from her as I get comfortable.

"Yeah, Finocchio, I am." She snatches it back from me.

HAHAHA! That bitch, she called me the Italian/American name for queer, I wonder if she knows my full heritage. I haven't even told, B.

"As a newly appointed gay, I take offense to that on behalf of queers everywhere."

"You're a total newb. I'm gonna like schooling you in the ways of the gay. Minus the homophobic terms, of course."

"As long as you don't try to make any moves, 'cause your ex-girl will hand me my ass."

We both laugh at that and then she goes quiet. She gets a questionin' look on her face.

"So... Dawn, what's her story..." I'm almost gonna choke on my own spit when I see the gleam in Satsu's eyes.

Giles takes off his glasses and starts to clean them. He clears his throat.

"Don't worry, G. Saturn's just kiddin', ain't ya, Savaloy?"

"Yeah, Fairy, I am."

God this is gonna be a fun trip.

"G-man, how long before we get to King's Cross?"

"Oh, about 4 and a half hours, give or take."

Hmmmm, should have bought a new MP3 player, or at least borrowed someone's. I could always open my present. Sounds like a plan.

I unwrap the book and a bump from the car knocks it out of my hand to the ground. Giles reaches down like the British gentleman he is and picks it up.

"What have we here, a book?" Everyone's a fuckin' smartass. Giles and I have had many an argument about me reading more. "Yes, it has pages, a back and oh, _look_ a front cover." He turns the book over and immediately goes red in the face. Satsu looks over at it and cracks up. I'm confused, what could be so funny about poetry?

Giles clears his throat and adjusts his glasses. "The Kama Sutra for Lesbians" by Jennifer Sexton."

HUH?!

He opens the book like he's happened upon the answer ta the next 7 apocalypses. "Publisher's notes, yes let's see what it's about, shall we? 'Many books have been written about the Kama Sutra, and many have been written about lesbian sex..."

I go to snatch it back from him and Satsu stops me. Bitch! I'll get her later. It's a Sicilian sayin' that revenge is a dish best served cold or so my Sicilian grandmother says. She'd be proud that I remembered that at least. Even if she wouldn't be proud at the fact that I've usually used that to hurt people.

Giles continues readin' with a smile that I'd love to wipe off his face with my boot. "...this book marries those two principles together in rich and vivid detail. A detail so vivid it will leave you literally salivating to try the concepts out on your willing partner."

I'm gonna fuckin' kick his ass so fuckin' hard!

"Oh, and an inscription, Dear Faith, please turn to the next page," Giles turns the page and then shuts the fuck up and tosses the book back over to me.

He's got an embarrassed smile on his face, it's also one that says he's just burstin' to laugh out loud but he's too tight-assed and British ta do it. He's even got those blushes that are really a sight to see, he looks like he's goin' about twelve shades of red in a three second loop.

Satsu's got an 'I-wonder-what-that-minx-wrote' look on her face.

I glare at him as I open the book and turn ta the page with the inscription, HOLY FUCK!!

B pasted a picture in here. This time I do choke.

"Uhhhh, shit. Fuck, uhhhh."

"Exactly."

"What did she write?"

"Nothin'"

"Now Faith, Satsu is here to help us, and we should be honest with her."

I give him a look that says in about a second I'm gonna punch first and ask questions later.. I can tell he's lovin' this though, it's not often he gets to see me squirm.

"Giles, I've come to see you as my father, or at least father-in-law, dude. I'd hate for you to have no teeth for the family get together pictures."

He laughs. "I just thought what she wrote was so, so thoughtful." Damn I'm gettin' a glimpse of what G was like as a teenager. Bastard.

Satsu looks puzzled. I ain't helpin' her out. "I thought it was a picture?"

"Yes, but it's the smile that she has on that says so much."

I can't believe he's bein' like this!! I wanna laugh but knowin' that Giles just got a full on look at Buffy's snatch and that she might find out about it is really frightening me. Why didn't she tell me to open it when I was alone?! I guess she didn't wanna call attention to it.

"Smile?" Satsu, I think, is startin' t figure it out.

"Yeah, her lovely smile, it says she loves me, now can we talk about something else? How about the mission?" "I look at Giles and call forth a bit of the slayer, he immediately straightens up and switches to business mode. Good, watcher, good boy, have a cookie. "You said 10 people have been killed around the Millenium Bridge in the past two weeks?"

He clears his throat and gets out his journal. "Yes, with two bodies each found near the Tate Modern and the Bankside Gallery." He points to two places on a map that he's pasted into the journal. How very Indiana Jones' father of him. I loved that movie by the way. Much better than the second one. Shit focus, Faith.

"They art galleries?"

G nods, impressed. Yeah, I read, G-man. You just don't know it.

We're huddle in gettin' the scoop and thoughts of oral sex and Buffy's snatch are gone just like that. Well, not from me, but hopefully from Giles' mind. Or else I'm gonna call Will to wipe his memory clean. I don't care if it'll wipe everything else, too.

Shit, I better call B and tell her not to open her present in front of anyone!

I don't think she'd appreciate the gang knowin' I got her Ben-Wa balls.

-Fin (for the flashback)


	12. Sometimes I Just Wanna Stay in Bed

Tommy Fuckin' Lehane.

My "dad". Now how in the shit did he get my number?

"I heard you were coming up here soon."

"Look," Shit, what do I call him? He certainly wasn't no kinda dad to me, and I can't stand the thought that he's actually my father. "Whatta ya want?"

"Kind of wondering where your manners are right now."

"Kinda non-existent. Much like _you_ for most of my childhood." Yeah, I'm pretty bitter.

"Faith, I'm sorry about that. I- I want us to be..."

If he says close I'll fuckin' throw up.

"I want us to be able to get along."

"Can I be honest here?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I don't have any respect for you, never will and you'll never hear me call you 'Dad'."

"What will you call me?"

I have to chuckle because 'Fucker' just popped into my head.

"How about Tommy?" I say through gritted teeth. I don't know why I haven't hung up on this asshole yet. I guess I wanna fuck with him a little.

"Well, that wouldn't really be proper."

Fuckin' proper. What wasn't proper was for him to knock up my mom and then deny it for years before a paternity test had to be done to prove it. My kids will never have to know what it's like to testify in court that their 'dad' didn't live up to her end of the lawsuit and visit every other weekend.

If I get my way, my kids will never know what it's like to even be in a divorced household. That thought makes me shudder. Anyway, point is this fucker never visited even though he hauled my mom into court and demanded visitation rights.

S'ok, I didn't want to see his sorry ass anyway. The thing that really sucked was that he got his lawyer and accountant to work out something where he reported no income so my mom couldn't collect shit.

He's a fuckin' loser asshole.

I realize I'm grippin' the phone too hard when I hear it creak. It's about to crumble to pieces in my hand. B wouldn't be too happy about that shit.

Buffy walks in the door and her happy face goes to one that says 'who are you talking to and why are you about to break the phone?' I grimace at her and she looks annoyed. This might turn bad because I can't handle attitude right now.

"I have to go, I know you wanted to catch up, but I have things to do."

"I understand, can I call you again sometime?"

"No. I'll get in touch with you." Preferably never, or even better, I'll get in touch with his face.

I hang up and sigh a frustrated sigh. I don't wait for Buffy to say shit to me and I pick the phone back up and hit the speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Aunt Dee."

"Faith! I didn't expect to hear from you so soon, but I'm glad you called. You didn't get a phone call from that _bastard_ did you?"

"Yeah, I just hung up with the asshole."

"Oh, God! I'm sorry Faith, your Uncle thought... well he didn't think is what happened. Tommy said he lost your number, so Jimmy gave it to him. I'm sorry, honey. He just told me, I wanted to rip his hair out."

Shit, I guess I can't be mad at Uncle Jimmy, my aunt probably gave him a lot of shit. 'Sides, my dad was always a douchebag and doin' shit like that to get his way.

"It's ok Aunt Dee. I just didn't know why he'd be callin' out of the blue."

"Yeah, your 'father'," I can hear her disgust at that word to describe him. "called here on one of his 'Come to Jesus' calls, for some reason Jim thought he had heard from you and then Tommy asked for your number. Did he give you the whole born again speech?"

Oh, shit. He's born again. I hope I don't see him when I go up to Boston. I would seriously punch his face.

I look over at B and she's lookin through some stuff on the counter, tryin' not to snoop.

"No, he didn't get a chance. I practically hung up on him."

"Well, don't let it get to you, you know that's what he wants."

"Yeah, I know."

"So, you and Buffy still comin' up here?"

"Yep, we're gettin' ready, Buffy's laid out all the stuff she's thinkin' of takin'. I think we're comin' up there for like a year."

Buffy scoffs, but doesn't say anything to me, she doesn't want me to know she's payin' attention.

Aunt Dee laughs, "Oh, she's a high maintenance broad, huh?"

"Yep, but she's so cute, I let her slide."

Buffy looks at me and laughs. I knew she was listenin' in, and she thinks _I'm_ the one that's transparent.

"Always one for a pretty face."

"Nah, they gotta put out good in bed, too." I wink at B and she's smilin' but her eyebrows are in her hair. That's her 'I can't believe you just said that' face.

"Hey! I'm a grandmother now, you just stop all that sex talk!"

"HA! Damn, that's right, you're an old BROAD, now. Not one of us 'spring chickens' as Gee Gee says."

"Faith, I'm gonna give you such a smack on the ass when I see you."

"I'm with women now, Dee. That would only turn me on."

"Ok, that's it. I can't talk to ya when you're like this. You're _such_ a pervert. Does your fiancée know this about you?"

"It's what she loves about me."

"Oh, I see that marriage lastin' about 3 weeks."

Aunt Dee seems like she's pissed, but I know she does that shit to be funny. She's just as much a perv as me. Runs in the family, along with the stubbornness.

"Yeah, like yours and Jimmy's."

"I'm a saint, is why it's lasted this long."

"Saint Dee. The patron saint of big boobs and small asses. How's that work?"

"God didn't gimme child bearin' hips. Your mother got all the curves, god rest her soul."

I think I'm supposed to say, 'God rest her soul' here, too, but I haven't said stuff like that in a long, long time, so I dunno.

"How's Gee Gee?"

"Oh! I almost forgot. She's gettin' out tomorrow, so when you and Buffy come you'll have to share a room."

"Damn...ok if we _must_."

"Yeah, I know you're all kindsa broken up about it. But Faith, I'm warnin' you, no hanky panky. At least none we can hear. I don't need your Uncle Jimmy spendin' 'quality time' in the bathroom 'cause you gave him a renewed sense of 'findin' himself'."

"Ok, that was gross, even for me." I chuckle. "You guys are twisted. We're gonna stay in a hotel."

"You'll do nothing of the sort! Uhh well, unless you really wanted to. But I thought it would be like old times." She's nervous because she thinks it might be awkward for me. But I actually really feel like stayin' with them and not at a hotel. Which is really weird because I love stayin' in hotels. I guess I just need to be around family for a while. Ya know, get a sense of togetherness back with them. Plus, I know B's dyin' to see me interact with my family.

"I was kiddin', we'll stay with you guys, of course if it's not too much trouble."

"No, no trouble at all! The girls will just have to double up, and don't worry, the sheets will be washed."

"Heh, thanks. Ok Aunt Dee, I gotta go. Tell Uncle Jimmy I'm not mad, just took me by surprise is all."

"Don't worry, I'll kick his gullible ass for you."

I chuckle, 'cause she will.

"Have a good day."

"You too, tell Buffy I said hello."

"I will, and you tell everyone there I said hey, too."

"You got it honey. Love you."

"Love you, too."

I hang up. Shit, she was always so nice to me like this, why didn't I fuckin' keep in touch?

B comes up behind me. I know she can sense I'm gettin' down on myself. She wraps her arms around me from behind.

"I'm ok, sweetheart."

"I know, baby. Can't I just hug on you for no particular reason?"

"Yeah, ya can." I turn in her arms and lean in for a sweet kiss. "'Course ya can. I'm sorry, B. That was my fuckin' _dad_ on the phone earlier." I shudder at usin' the word dad.

She narrows her eyes and instantly kicks into defend me mode.

"What did _he_ want?"

"To cause some shit, but I didn't let him. Don't worry about it. So, are you getting ready to think of pairing down to the last 12 outfits for this weekend or what?"

B pinches my ass. "You're always calling me a brat, it's _you_ who's the brat!"

I lift her up and she hooks her legs around my waist.

"You're a cute brat though." I wiggle the brows. She's such a sucker for 'em. Man, I have to go to work and all I wanna do is bring her into our room and have my nasty way with her.

"As much as I want to have you take me into the bedroom right now, Faith. You promised Giles you'd help him with the new class."

I sigh, "Yeah, I know." I sniff her neck and take a lick. She giggles.

"That can't taste good, it has my perfume on it."

"You're pussy has your perfume on it, and you don't care how that tastes."

"Ew, nasty girl. My uhhh, pussy does not have my perfume on it." I love the way Buffy says pussy. She can't say it without it being forced.

'Cept when we're fuckin' then its, "OH FUCK MY PUSSY, FAITH!" and "YOU LOVE MY PUSSY, YEAH, OH SUCK IT!!"

I'd call her on it if it didn't make me so hot. 'Cause Buffy can be vengeful and stop something I love when she gets made fun of.

"It does too, I call it 'B's pussy liquor', makes me wanna be a pussy licker all day."

"You're so twisted."

By now she'd have tried to get down from where she is, but she's still in heat so she's gettin' her jollies. I love it.

I quirk an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you know I love it, don't you?" She says as her eyes narrow on my lips.

"Mmm hmm." I lean in and give her a deep kiss, then set her down on the back of the couch. I rip my face away from hers and leave her in the lurch.

"Faith!! That's so wrong!"

"I know, and you love that about me."

I run out of the door and slam it behind me right before I hear her shoe hit it. Score!!

Right now, Giles is lookin' at me like I just told him I spilled Coke on his 1000 year old scrolls.

I hold the package of Skittles out to him. "Whan fum?" I have about half of it in my mouth.

"No, thank you. Can we go over the syllabus for today?"

"Yu wan meta tay 'em ona buf?"

"I'm sure you spoke English at some time in your life, Faith. Can you please try your hardest to do so now?"

I chew the Skittles and smile at him, probably got spit the color of the rainbow. Mmmmm. Yummy!

He narrows his eyes at me. I swallow.

"There, now, what was it you wanted me to do?"

"Here is the syllabus for today, can you follow instructions?"

"Can you follow instructions?" I mimic him in a nasally British accent.

"Faith, did something happen today to make you want to give me an ulcer?"

Shit, I was just playin', but yeah, I was bein' an ass too 'cause I'm still bothered by that call from my bastard father.

I sigh and lean forward in my chair.

"No, nothin' I'm sorry. So, this all I need to do?" I take the paper from him.

"Yes, that should do it."

"Looks good. I'm gonna go get changed."

"Very well, I'll have the girls ready and in the gymnasium in 10 minutes."

"Cool." I stroll out of his office, but I can feel his eyes borin' into the back of my head.

Thirty minutes into our "work out" and the girls look like they're gonna die.

"You think this is hard?! Wait till you're out on a mission and there's no water, no where to get away from the sun, runnin' from a demon you can't see!"

I stop what I'm doin' and stroll up to one of the newbies who can't seem to keep her balance.

"Steph, what the fuck do you think you're doin'?"

"I'm tryin' to do the workout."

"Yeah, since tryin' ain't workin' for you, why don't you just fuckin' DO it?!"

She gets a look on her face that I feel like punchin' off.

"This isn't the field, I'll do better there."

Some of the smart girls tell her to stop bein' stupid.

"When you're dead? That how you'll do better? Fuckin' die and take half your crew down with ya 'cause you didn't try hard enough durin' trainin'?"

"That how you got people killed out in Sunnydale?" She snaps. She's got a look to her eyes I can only describe as lookin' in a mirror when I was at my bitchiest. "While you were off fuckin' your bitch?" The smile on her face after she says that makes me wanna end her.

It happens really fast, but the next thing I know Giles is yellin' for me to let her go. I didn't even know he was in the gym. The girls around us are all shoutin' and some are cryin'. The red mist clears from my eyes and I can see Steph's face goin' all purply. Oh shit. I let her go and the girls who were tryin' to pry me offa Steph join the ones who were tryin' to pull her out of my grasp. They carry her over to the benches.

Giles' face is beet red. Fuck, I am so dead. But of course, I don't wanna admit I did wrong so I look at him like 'what?'". He sighs and makes sure Steph'll live then he looks at me.

"Faith, a word." He motions for me to follow him. We go to the office beside the gym.

"What's up?"

"Faith!" He takes a calmin' breath. He's a smart man. He knows if he blows up at me like he wants to, I'll only shut off completely, and we may even do our own version of sparrin'. Heh. That would constitute me breakin' his kneecap and runnin'. I fight dirty when I feel threatened.

He motions for me to sit down in a chair in front of the desk. Gonna play the Head Master to my naughty school girl. Fuck him, too.

He walks in front of me and leans back against the desk. I have my head down and I can feel his eyes borin' into the top of my skull. He must have some powers like that Frylock dude from Aquateen Hungerforce. He's always tryin' to see into my skull.

He's not sayin' nothin' and it's makin' me feel like shit 'cause now I'm forced to think about what I did and I know I shouldn't have done that. Fuck, I almost killed one of the new girls. She's probably on the phone to her parents and lawyers and this operation will be shut down faster than you can say "Faith you're a stupid bitch."

I fuckin' suck so bad sometimes.

I feel G kneel down and he moves so he's right in front of me. He puts his hands on my knees, that makes me look him in the eyes. I don't see anger or frustration, I don't even see disappointment.

All I see is concern and a father's love. Oh fuck, tears spring to my eyes and I sob. Giles leans up and hugs me to him.

God, I'm such a fuckin' baby. I'm a goddamn mess. Glad B's not here to see this, but somethin' tells me she'll know about it soon enough. If not from one of the trainees, then from G.

When I quiet down Giles lets me go, he hands me his handkerchief and I look at him like he just put a snot rag in my hand. Which is exactly what he just did. He rolls his eyes at me.

"I assure you, it's clean, Faith."

"Thanks," I wipe my eyes and then blow my nose. I go to hand it back and he looks grossed out for a second.

"No, dear. You keep it."

"Thanks" I shrug.

We're quiet for a little bit but I know G's dyin' to ask me why.

"May I ask _why_ you tried to kill Stephanie?" He finally breaks the silence.

I sigh.

"No real reason."

"No?"

"Nope"

"Faith, I have known you for a long time now, even when we were in Sunnydale I kept a close eye on you."

I chuckle a bit.

"Closer than you think, and you'd do well to keep your laughter to yourself. I'm this close to calling Buffy and telling her you're not to do any more teaching."

Shit, that would be the fuckin' worst thing he could ever do to me. One it would let B know I'm still psycho and a total loser, and two it would take somethin' I love to do away from me.

I mean I try to give off the air that it's a burden, but I seriously love the time I spend helpin' out teachin'. Makes me feel like I have a real purpose. I mean I know I do have a purpose bein' one of the Chosen Ones, but to be able to teach others what I know, well that's a power and a pride I wouldn't give up for the world. Not even if B asked me too. Unless it was harmin' me or her, or takin' me away from our family.

I think a while about our family and get a full feelin' in my heart.

My father can't do shit to ruin what I got now.

Giles stands up and gets somethin' off the desk.

"Faith, I won't be reporting this incident to anyone. I'm not sure what Stephanie will do, but my guess is she'll see what she did was wrong."

"I have to go apologize."

"Yes. Yes you should."

"I won't say a word to Buffy, on one condition."

Oh shit, a catch. Always gotta be a catch.

He holds out a white business card to me. "Here is the number for a very good psychologist. She can help, Faith."

I take it from him and stare at it. Fuck it, might as well. Don't need a repeat of what happened today.

"She know about Slayers?" Don't need to try and skirt around what I do for a livin', she'd end up thinkin' I was tryin' to hide something or a that I'm pathological liar, 'cause my story'd be changin' ever time I saw her. I suck at lyin'.

"Yes, she's the daughter of a former watcher, he was killed by the Bringers."

"Damn shame."

"Quite."

"She take walk-ins?"

"You'll actually have to schedule an appointment, Faith. But you know you don't have to call, they have this new fangled invention called the interweb."

I narrow my eyes at him and he laughs.

"You can email her if you like."

"She expectin' my appointment?"

"I may have mentioned your name as someone who may or may not need her assistance."

"Who else knows I'm a fucked up bitch?"

"Faith," Giles looks pissed. "I want you to stop all that nonsense right this instant! You are a very capable and competent person who needs some extra help in dealing with what you went through as a child and the residual affect it had on your later years. No man is an island, Faith."

"You ever been to Noman Island? I heard it was in the Greek Isles." I feel like makin' a joke.

"No, I've never been, and it's called Lesbos." Fuck, he's a funny bastard.

I love him. Don't tell him I said that though, he'd get all gushy and girly.

"Hey, straight man. You better watch it. I'll sic Will on ya."

He chuckles.

"Thanks G. I really appreciate your help and everything you do for me."

"That would be called support." Such a smart ass.

I go to leave and he calls my name. I stop before I have my hand on the doorknob and turn to him.

"Cuiusvis hominis est errare; nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare." I shrug at him. "Any man can make a mistake; only a fool keeps making the same one."

Figures G would break out the Latin. But that's the same thing they taught me in murder rehab. I need to make sure I follow that advice, and not keep pushin' shit off so that I don't have to deal.

I nod to him. "I got one for you, bet ya didn't know I knew Latin, huh?"

"Well, I rather hoped you would have actually paid attention to the times when I was teaching it to you in England."

Oh, shit, forgot about that. Heh. Guess I wasn't payin' attention to who was teachin', but what he don't know is that I paid attention to the material. I don't let on though 'cause he an' Will an' Dawnie and the other researchers will have me translatin' reams of text and I ain't havin' that shit. What I really like to do is take B behind the stacks in the new library and have my way with her while they pour over their tomes. It's what I always wanted to do in SunnyD.

He gives me an 'I'm waitin'' look.

"Oh yeah." I blink away my nasty thoughts. "Absum, bitches!" He laughs as I leave the office.

When I get out to the main area Steph's in her position and goin' through the workout again. A few of the girls decided to keep goin'.

She gets nervous as I walk over to her. "I'm sorry for doin' that to you. I had no right to."

"No, I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm sorry."

"How's your neck?"

"Couple of bruises, they'll fade."

Yeah, in about a fuckin' month. Shit, I really had a grip on her.

"I'll get some of the Wicca to help fade that real quick."

She nods.

"Thanks for stopping me, Faith. I go to far sometimes."

"Well, if you ever need to talk, I know a good person." I wink at her.

"I might take you up on that."

She smiles at me and I see a hint of what Buffy's eyes usually have in 'em. Fuck, she said that shit 'cause she was jealous of me an' B. Damn, is everyone gay?

When I get home the lights are dim and there's music playin' softly. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the dim light, I can see flickers from a candle bouncin' off the wall opposite the bedroom.

Buffy's body wash scent is in the air. I think I can smell those expensive bath bubble things she made me buy her for Christmas, too.

Middle of the day sex. Shit, that's the fuckin' best!!

I quickly take my jacket off an' throw it on the back of the couch.

"Faith, is that you?"

"No, ma'am, it's the mailman." I make my voice all deep and manly. I joke when I'm horny. Heh. Ok, when I'm horny and just about every other emotion, too.

"Oh, I've been waiting for you. We only have time for a quickie or six, my fiancée is on her way home from work."

"Pain in the ass." I laugh.

"Welcome home, baby. Why don't you bring that box from the hall table in here? After you take your coat off the back of the couch and hang it up."

I grumble somethin' about her legs bein' broke and why can't she bring her own package in when I catch a glimpse of the room. There are about a dozen candles lit in various places around the room. I recognize the tunes comin' out of B's boom box. Norah Jones.

I'm like Pavlov's dog with this CD, every time I hear it I wanna fuck B, soft and slow and build to hard and fast. She puts it on when she's mega horny. Like now.

She's naked and turned towards me, she has white stockings with garters on and no panties. Now, this might be a cheesy porn look, but fuck, the contrast of the white on her smooth tanned skin. GOD DAMN!

She smiles at me.

My pussy contracts and makes me feel like I'm gonna just come on the spot. She's so fuckin' beautiful and I feel like I've won the lottery.

I toss my jacket in the closet without turnin' around or breakin' eye contact, I hear it thud to the floor as I manage to get the door closed.

She laughs and starts to say somethin' but the look on her face turns to desire as she sees the look on mine.

I strip in 3.5 seconds and place my whole body on top of hers. She's gonna love what I've got in mind for her.

I'm busy suckin' and nibblin' at her neck when she sighs out, "Please, go get the package, sweety."

Fuck I forgot. What can be so important? But I know, if I don't do as she asks she'll stop what we're doin' anyway.

I get up after I give her nipple a loving kiss and a suck. She gasps. Damn!!

I bring her the package and she tells me to open it. I do and get the biggest shock of my life.

Woah, what the fuck is this thing? I lift it out of the box and remove the outer packaging. Shit, its bright red. I look in the box to see if there are straps.

"What are you looking for, Faith?"

"Uhhh the straps, B."

"There are none." She gets a sexy smile that tells me she loves playin' teacher. It's not often Buffy knows something I don't about a sex toy. She kneels up on the edge of the bed and points to the bottom part of the dildo that looks like it has a silicone egg on the end. "That's inserted into the 'wearers' vagina, while this..." She points to the tip of the 'cock' and trails off, but she reaches down and cups her pussy.

HOLY SHIT!

Have I told you that I love the week before B's period?!


	13. Fides Quaerens Intellectum

Chapter 13- Fides Quaerens Intellectum

"Hey, baby, what're you doing? Come back to bed."

Her voice sounds so sleepy and raspy. Must be all those orgasms she screamed her head off for. Heh.

"I'll be right back there; you better get ready for round 12."

She giggles sleepily. "Oh God, when I bought that thing I didn't think of the possibility that we'd use it for 4 straight hours."

"Straight?" I chuckle.

She laughs, "What're you doing on the computer?"

"Sendin' an email to the inventor of that thing, it's just too damn good. Never had that much control before."

"You're serious?"

"Well, yeah. I like to let people know when they've got a good or bad product. Feedback helps."

Buffy goes quiet. I was serious about the email, but I'm also emailing the therapist. Dunno why I don't want B to know about that yet, but I don't.

I finish what I'm doin' and turn off the monitor. B lifts up the covers as I approach the bed; I thought she had gone back to sleep. I slide in and snuggle up against her.

"Oh, my God, Faith! You're freezing!" She complains.

These old buildings don't really keep the cold out that great, and I hate havin' the heat on full blast. I get too hot.

"No worries, B. I plan on rubbin' myself all over you to get warm." She turns and wraps me up in her arms. Her warmth and sleepiness are makin' me hot.

I reach down between us and slick my fingers in her wetness. She yelps a bit.

"Cold fingers! Cold fingers!"

I snicker, "They're warmin' up real fast though." I swirl a finger around her engorged clit.

"Mmmmm, yes, yes they are." She sighs out. "Oh, Faith, that feels soooo good."

I whisper a few endearments into her ear and she murmurs a loving response; soon her breathin' increases and she tries to get me to enter her with my fingers.

But, all this wetness shouldn't go to waste. I slide down under the covers until I'm face-to-pussy. I can't see very well but my nose and tongue are my guides, that and her gasps. Every time my tongue dances lightly over her skin, her hips jump a bit and she lets out a groan or a gasp.

She reaches down with her hand and puts it on the back of my head. She loves when I give her head when she just woke up. It's lazy, and hot, and wet and damn! My mouth is watering.

I slurp up all the juice I can find with my tongue and then make figure eights over her clit. She holds my head in place a little firmer. Nasty girl knows what she wants.

"Oh, yeah, Faith, that's it. Oh my god, fuck yeah! Mmmmm, suck that pussy, yes!"

I smile into her. See? That "pussy" was said with confidence. I love this girl.

"Inside please, please."

I enter her with two fingers and immediately seek out her G spot, rubbin' it, wantin' her to come harder than she ever has. That's a tall order, but it's not like I don't keep tryin' each time.

I stop my figure eights and apply my lips around her clit and suck for all I'm worth. Within minutes she shouts out.

"UUUUnnnnnnNGG! Oh fuck it!! Yes, that's it, oh fuck!! I'm coming!!"

Yeah? Couldn't tell. Her pussy walls are tryin' to break my fingers.

She's lifted her hips off the bed and tries to get her pussy down my throat. At least that's what it feels like. Finally, the tension relaxes and she falls back down to the bed, her head is shaking from side to side.

I remove my face from her pussy and slide up her body. I don't remove my fingers from her, although I _have_ stopped thrusting. I just let her ride it out at her own pace.

"Oh, baby. That was, holy shit, that was fucking wonderful!!"

"MMmmmm was exactly what I was thinking." I capture her lips in a heated kiss.

My fingers wiggle a little in her pussy. She gasps a bit.

"Those fingers have sure warmed up."

I wiggle my brows as I keep wiggling the fingers. "You know it."

I wake up and can smell breakfast cookin'.

She can't be up yet.

I roll over to tell B an intruder is cookin' breakfast for us, and I'm met with the empty side of her bed.

There's no way she's able to be awake. All that fuckin' last night with the new toy, and then her and I, lickin' and suckin' each other until we were both exhausted and couldn't take no more. It just can't be true.

I get up and go do my business then make my way into the kitchen.

She's in her robe and dancin' to the radio while she makes whatever she's makin'.

Ok, I'll have to give you some updates on stuff that used to be a challenge for Buffy. One is she can cook now. Ya see, I never want to see her disappointed and when we were first goin' out she'd fuck up the cookin' so bad she'd be all depressed about it. So, I finally taught her how to cook, it took a while but she learned not to over cook the vegetables and dry out the meat. One of her best dishes is roasted chicken with rosemary garlic new potatoes and vegetables.

Damn my mouth is watering! Not only from the thought of her chicken, but from the outline of her ass swayin' in that silk robe.

The second thing she can do now is drive without killing people in the car or on the street. The first time I got in the car with her, in Scotland, Willow looked at me like I was nuts. But of course she usually always looked at me like that, mostly because I _was_ nuts, but that's because I was always fuckin' with her and givin' her a hard time. Anyway, I almost fuckin' swallowed my tongue when B pulled out of the parkin' space. I made her pull over when I got back the use of my voice. She was all pissed off and shit, but I wasn't about to have either of us die just because she was poutin'.

That weekend I took her out on an excursion up to Elgin, the trip usually takes almost four hours, but we took our time, and I taught B that pressing your foot on the pedal as far as it will go, aimin' the car in a direction, and prayin' that everything'll go ok isn't how you drive. I was very gentle in my suggestions, 'cept I had to remind her kinda forcefully on a few occasions, that we were on the wrong side of the road. She appreciated how I was with her and amazed at how well she could actually drive. We spent the rest of the trip at the Royal Hotel in down town Elgin and I taught her how to drive around the town and parallel park and junk. It was great. She was go grateful that each night I got an extra round of head as my reward. Can't beat that shit.

She turns around as she hears my sigh at that memory.

"See something sigh-worthy?" Brat knows I've been watchin' her this whole time, she just likes the attention.

"Yeah, that ass."

She wiggles her eyebrows and shimmies her sweet rump a little bit.

"That one?"

I chuckle, "Yeah, the one I got busy with last night."

This time it's her turn to laugh, "I thought I was gonna have to fight my ass for you, you were all caught up in it."

"Shit, who wouldn't be?" I shake my head at the thought. "Whew, that's one fine ass, sweetpea."

I walk up behind her and start gropin' it. She leans back into me and sighs. I give sweet kisses to her neck and she continues to sigh and occasionally 'mmmm'.

"As much as I'd like to continue this, your breakfast will be burnt and being that it's my breakfast too, I'll be all kindsa cranky."

I murmur into her skin, "Well, stop bein' all kindsa hot and I'll let you cook."

She laughs.

I wrap my arms around her waist and look down into the pan. "Mmmm looks so good. Is it my birthday again already?"

She scoffs a bit. "I know you do most of the cooking but I wanted to do something nice for you this morning. I mean, after you all you did for me last night."

"Not like I wasn't reapin' any rewards, B. That fuckin' toy is off the chain! The vibrating silicone egg thing, WOAH BABY!!"

"I thought you might like that."

"What's not to fuckin' like?! Not havin' to stop to adjust any straps, it's all snug inside up against my g, and I get to fuck you to non-stop orgasms while I'm gettin' off from the penetration and vibration. Damn, I could write poetry about that thing."

"Poetry?"

"Yep, under the name Dorothy Fucker."

She snickers. "You're so twisted."

I don't respond 'cause I'm busy thinkin' of a poem. I'll work on it later though, looks like breakfast is ready.

We eat in comfortable silence, well, kinda silence, I grunt when I'm hungry and am eatin' something this good. She's awesome with omelets and her bacon is cooked just fuckin' right. Not too over or underdone.

Buffy sighs as she finishes her food and then starts gatherin' dishes to clear them away. I stop sippin' my coffee and watchin' her.

"All done, sweets?"

"Yep, did you like it?"

"You couldn't tell from the grunts?"

"Oh, I just thought those were your mating calls, I assume this is mating season."

Bitchy, she's the one in fuckin' heat. I don't say shit 'cause I'm not that stupid and I don't wanna fuck up any chance of gettin' some later, I think we might have two days left until P-day.

Don't get grossed out or nothin' but I can always tell by Buffy's come and the feel of her pussy that the red tide's about to come in. It's usually about a degree warmer, and right after she comes, as soon as I slurp up all the juice, she's dryer than normal. Like her pussy gets stingy and won't give up any more juice. I'd like to do a study on it.

I grunt, "Me Faith, you Buffy." She loves when I say that.

"There's my Tarzana." She laughs and goes to take the dishes to the sink. I jump up and take them from her.

"You sit and drink your coffee, I'll put the music on and after I'm done we can make out to whatever's playin'."

"Ooooh, sounds hot."

I wink at her, "Thought so."

I finish the dishes in record time.

Buffy sits on my lap in the kitchen as we do exactly what I said and make out to the music. She gasps and I briefly think it's because I cupped her breast through her robe when I hear the sound of her voice comin' out of the radio.

**"...Buffy, pause, yes that's my real name. Gosh, rude much? Anyway, you're listening to 92.3 WMOP where the music is hot and the talk is cheap. **_**Very**_** cheap." **

HOLY SHIT!! They used the promos we recorded at the radio station after we won that contest!! B's face is so beet red and embarrassed right now it's not even funny. I'm about to laugh when I realize that if they're playin' hers, they've been playin' mine, too.

Oh, fuck!! I sounded like such a fuckin' dork on that, I didn't care because I never thought they'd use 'em.

We sit in embarrassed silence as Jacob Dylan sings about his one fuckin' headlight.

"Uhhhh, so..." I break the silence.

"Yeah..."

"Damn..."

"Yep..."

"You think we get royalties outta that?"

"Doubt it."

"Fuck"

"Mmmm hmmm."

After our embarrassed conversation we get up and take showers, I check my email while she's blow dryin' her hair, and my heart starts poundin'. I see I got a response from that Doctor. Man, the time stamp on it shows she replied about 10 minutes after I sent it. I guess she stays up late workin' or somethin'. Buffy comes back in the room.

"You checking your appointment schedule?"

Fuck, she knows? I thought Giles wasn't gonna say anything about it, and what the fuck's the deal with tellin' her about my business? I mean, she is my fiancée and all, but still, I should be the one tellin' her what's goin' on. Which I was, I just was tryin' to get it all straightened out in my head first. Don't know if I'm gonna even show up to this, so why tell Buffy and then have her on my back all weekend about not goin'.

She must catch the look on my face 'cause she's quick to say, "Faith, I was joking. You know, I was teasing you about your Outlook calendar being all full from the non-existent stuff you put on there."

Oh, yeah, she does joke about that. Whew. I gotta relax.

"Oh, I thought you meant somethin' else."

"What?"

I sigh, shit, I gotta go to this appointment, so there's no use in tryin' to hide it from her.

"I do have an appointment scheduled for this afternoon."

"Really?"

"Yep, it's with..."

She's about to protest me tellin' her what it is. Even though I can tell she's dyin' for me to tell her, she doesn't want me to feel I have to tell her all my business. Ok, I'm not gonna have the thought that I don't deserve her and that she's too good for me, again.

"...a therapist Giles recommended."

She looks relieved. "Oh, that's cool. What time?" She tries to play it cool.

"About 12:30."

"Was this something that you've had scheduled for a while?" She couldn't resist that one.

"Nope, I was emailin' her last night."

"Oh, so it wasn't about the quality product that you were providing feedback for." She smirks.

"Oh, no, I sent that, too; I just sent this one right after that. I don't lie about providin' feedback on a product I love."

She shakes her head and smiles at me. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I guess, 'cause you keep tellin' me that, and I don't take ya for a liar, so it's gotta be true." I smirk.

Buffy leans in for a kiss. Man, if schedulin' appointments with therapists gets me this kinda lovin' I'll do it everyday.

"So, you'll be back home about two?"

"Yep, how about you? You gotta patrol tonight?"

"Nope, it's Kennedy's night." I narrow my eyes a bit but recover, not her fault K's messed up. "I'm going in to the office and take care of some stuff before we go on our trip. Then tomorrow, I've got a yoga class I'm teaching and then I'll be done at about 12."

"Awesome, then I'll pick you up from there. Too bad about tonight, I thought you had patrol so I told Xander I'd hang out."

"No problem, baby. I'll be busy here deciding which 60 outfits I want to bring to Boston."

I laugh at that and tickle her until she's almost pissin' herself.

When I stop and she recovers I ask, "Why don't you meet me at Xand's?"

"Uhhh, well, I talked to him and he said he was really just looking forward to you guys hanging out, you haven't had guy/girl night in a while. Plus, I'm so exhausted from last night, I just want to get some rest."

Can't argue with that. Besides, if she's sleepin' when I come in, I can always wake her up with the wonder dong. Damn, that thing is just too good!!

"I'll miss you." I give a Faith pout.

"You better." And she smacks my ass.

Brat!

"Tell me about your mother."

Well howdy fuckin' do to you too, this is the second thing that she said to me since I've been here. The first thing was "Faith, pleased to meet you, my name is Pamela, have a seat."

We stare at each other for a good 10 minutes. I know this is not how it's supposed to go, but for some reason I don't really care. I know she's qualified and all, but I don't know her for shit, so it's not gonna be that easy for me.

After about the 40 minute mark she finally says, "So, I'm dealing with a _very_ stubborn person, good to know."

I guess she just said that thing about my mother to see what my reaction would be and she probably knew I wouldn't say shit. Damn. I'm up against a really smart lady.

"Why don't we start off with me telling you a bit about me, I know that's not really traditional, but then we're not in a traditional business."

"Not traditional? That's all we are, lady. With the ancient shit we follow every day."

"You're right, I guess I mean conventional." Heh, not as smart as I thought. "Anyway, what I'm getting at is I'd like you to be more comfortable around me, my guess is that you don't share easily and if I can get you to be more comfortable with me, these sessions will go a lot better than the last 40 minutes did. Agreed?"

Maybe she is as smart as I thought.

"Sure," I shrug. "Ya know, whatever."

"Ok, whatever, sure." She mimics me and my eyes narrow. "I love your use of the language."

"Yes, well, yours is simply to die for, darling. I could prattle on and on all day about biccies and scones, and licorice all-sorts, but what I really want to do is smoke two packs of fags and skull down a dozen bottles of Bolli, sweety." I mimic her accent exactly.

She smirks, wanting to laugh out loud, I can see it. "I see Giles has taught you well." She jokes.

"Nah, that was from years of watchin' AbFab." I smirk back. "My ma used to borrow the tapes off my Aunt and watch them while she drank her cheap wine."

Shit, I talked about my ma, now she'll ask me a few dozen questions about her. I'm still not ready but I don't really wanna be rude to her, she's been pretty nice so far.

"Ah yes, Edina and Patsy. It's funny how we're influenced by the things we see, isn't it?"

I shrug.

"I can't watch an episode of any show on the Food Network, without going out and buying Jasmine infused olive oil, shallots and some other expensive ingredients for recipes no one's ever heard of. The best marketing campaign I ever worked on was for Lays Potato Chips, 'betcha can't eat just one'. No one can, that was the point really, but if you put it in people's faces they're going to flock to it."

"I know what ya mean. It's hard for me to watch a movie where someone is smokin' and not jones so bad for one."

"You gave up cigarettes?"

"Yes, did you have some other intelligence on that?"

"No, it was just a question."

"Oh. Yeah, well I gave them up a couple of years ago."

"What made you quit?"

"Buffy, and the fact that I was coughin' up a lung each mornin', plus I'd smell all "yucky" and B didn't like that."

"Ah yes, you've been with her for how long?"

"All my life." I think back to the times when I would be searching for something I didn't know what it was. "But as a couple for almost two years."

"Are things going well?"

"Better than well, they're fu--uhhh, they're awesome."

"Feel free to swear if you must, I'm not a total prig."

"Fuckin' A!" I chuckle.

She laughs.

"So, you worked in marketing?" I'm kinda curious about that.

"Yes, I had a minor in business and when I got out of university I went for what I felt passionate about which was advertising, yes, weird I know. However, after my father was killed I decided to come help the cause."

"Giles told me the Bringers killed him, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thank you." She clears her throat, and takes off her glasses to clean them. She's really hot for an older chick, I wonder if Giles tapped that ass.

Buffy's right, I'm such a guy sometimes. We're quite for a few more minutes, I don't really know what to say.

"So, Faith, I said I'd like to put you at ease, is there anything you'd like to know about me?"

"Do you have any kids?"

"No, no kids."

She looks like she wants to tell me something, but doesn't know how. Before I can ask anything else there's a knock on the door. Pam tells them to come in.

"Sorry to interrupt, Pam. Mr. Wells is your next appointment, and he's been in the lobby now for thirty minutes."

Shit, Andrew, figures he'd need therapy.

Pam looks at her watch, "We're only 5 minutes over."

I laugh, "Yeah, but he's probably driving her bonkers out there."

The assistant smiles gratefully at me.

"Yes, very well. Please tell him I'll be ready in five minutes."

"Certainly."

"Sorry for that, Faith. Tell you what, the next time we'll schedule a two hour session. I'd wanted to be able to do that this time, but unfortunately Mr. Wells wouldn't be shifted to tomorrow."

"That's ok, it's really no problem. But uhhh, do you mind if I leave out the back? I really don't want to run into him."

She quirks an eyebrow.

"He'd squeal like a girl and want us to form a club and I really don't need him to know I'm comin' here."

"I understand, you may leave the back way. That door over there leads to the back hall. Just follow it to the stairwell. So, which day would be best for you?"

"I'm going away tomorrow, Buffy and I are going to visit my family in Boston."

"Oh, how nice, it's good to see you getting back in touch with them."

Huh? Shit she must have a lot of information on me some how, I didn't tell her dick about my family.

"How did you... ya know what, never mind. I gotta go, I'll email you if I get time next week."

"Faith, did I say something wrong?"

"Nah," I sigh, I'm supposed to be finding answers to why I am the way I am, so I decide to do the adult thing and let her know what I'm thinkin'. "I just don't like when I know I have a file probably about 12 feet thick and someone knows all about me."

"I do have a file on you, Faith, but that's not how I knew about your family. Unfortunately, we don't have time to go into that, we'll have to plan for next week."

Clever, this way she gets me to come back at least one more time.

"Ok, how about Tuesday?"

"Excellent, I'll have Karen email you with the time, have a good trip, Faith."

"Thanks." We shake hands and I leave.

Well, I didn't find the answers I was lookin' for, but at least I'm headed in the right direction. I guess.\\

After I mess around at home for a few hours, I head to Xand's, got some beer, a tray of little deli sandwiches and a few different kinda chips. He said he was gonna have a few buddies over. I've hung with the guys before a few times, it hasn't been too bad. They mostly talk about the girls they ain't never gonna get.

I knock on the door and Xander opens it quickly. "Faith! So, good to see you. So, so good!!"

"Damn, Xand, you gettin' all 'Buffy and Willow' on me? Should we hug like we haven't seen each other in years?"

"Well, I'd hug you but then it might start a chain reaction and I'm sure you don't wanna be groped by a half dozen guys."

"S'ok, your friends were pretty coo…" The word "cool" dies on my lips as Xand steps aside to let me in the apartment. I recognize Andrew in some sort of monk get up, looks like one of the Bringer outfits, complete with the hood up over his head. There are a couple other guys in various costumes and a couple with weird lookin' hats sitting at the round table.

I pull Xander out into the hall and he shuts the door.

"Please, Faith, please, please, I beg you, please don't leave me. I...I'll do _anything_." He sounds like he's actually going to start crying.

"How'd this happen? I thought you were having a few of your friends over? You fuckin' trick me, Xander?"

"No! I did invite the guys, Matt and Jeremy were here, and Colin even brought a girlfriend, Sanjay was on his way."

"And?"

"I told Andrew he could invite a couple of friends, and the D & D group he plays with decided to have their mourning party here."

"Mourning?"

"They're all broken up about the death of the D & D creator. Anyway, the guys left, they must've called Sanjay and told him what was happening."

I start to unload my stuff onto Xander, and he pleads with me again.

"Please, please, Faith! Don't leave me. Don't!! Not you too. I couldn't take it."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Didn't I tell you this would happen, Xander? I don't know why you let him move in."

Xander looks sad, "You sounded like Anya just then."

Fuck, he pulled out the 'I'm still broken up over losing the love of my life' card. I sigh defeated.

"Ok, but you owe me big time."

"OK?! OK!! OK!! OK!!" He shouts and jumps around. Heh, he's such a goof.

Damn, that's why Andrew couldn't switch his therapy appointment today, he had to cry about the Dungeons and Dragons creator.

Me and Xand go back in the apartment.

"Look, guys, Faith's here!" Xander says all chipper, just to rub it in. He takes the stuff out of my hands and disappears into the kitchen. Bastard.

"Ah, yes, dear Faith. The Dark One." Fuck, if he goes into the Dark Slayer speech I'm gonna end his misery.

"Oooh, Andrew, you didn't tell me you knew hot chicks." One of the D & D geeks says.

"Sorry, MellowWynd, the Dark Goddess is taken, she's engaged to the Fair One, Buffy."

"Oh, that blonde chick with the awesome rack you introduced me to last week?"

Oh, fuck no, this mother fucker is dead!!

Xander comes running out of the kitchen and intercepts me from my charge on the sexist geek.

"Woah, woah, woah!! Easy tiger."

I lower my voice to a dangerous register, "Step aside, X. It'll all be over quickly."

"MellowWynd, the Dark One _will_ kill you if you don't shut your impudent mouth and _I_ just might take your polyhedral dice and light them on fire!" Andrew says in my defense. Maybe he's not so bad after all. Must be hella broken up about the D & D guy.

The Mellow-geek looks nervous.

Xander takes my coat from me and smoothes his hand over my back, kinda like he's tryin' to smooth my ruffled feathers then he fucks off to God knows where.

"Faith, allow me to introduce my fellow Dungeon Masters. These fellows are the best at guiding other D & D gamers on the adventures of a life time. I shall introduce them as their former character names, for they are the best and the brightest character's known to man, and now who live on in the World Of Warcraft." This dude should be in movies, or at least an asylum. "The one who so callously spoke when not spoken to was MellowWynd, I apologize to you for his sexist words against the Fair Buffy."

Damn, he's even geekier than usual, sounds like he's in some kinda play, probably showing off for his geeks.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Mellow says.

"Thanks."

"As I was saying, my Dangerous Beauty," Such a fuckin' dweeb. "the man in the purple mage's costume is none other than Archanex, very powerful with the magics. He has an alignment that is second to one."

"Uh, don't you mean 'none', dude?"

"No, one, that would be me."

"Oh," Shit, this is going to be the longest night of my life. Fuckin' Buffy probably knew about this and that's why she didn't wanna meet me here. I might break rule number one tonight and kick her ass a bit. Or at least tease her until she's beggin' for release and then go to sleep. Sounds like a plan.

"The one next to him holds the trophy for second most XP gained in a single weekend session of AD & D," I really don't wanna ask what the A stands for. "He is Garthan, Lord of Garth." I really, really wanna fuckin' laugh, but I don't wanna be a total bitch so I bite my tongue.

"Cool, hey, wha'sup?"

He looks like I just said I'd suck his cock.

"Hi!! You're engaged?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"The good ones are always taken." He sighs.

Andrew looks annoyed that we've stopped his groove.

"Yes, yes, or dead." He sounds like he's gonna cry. "And last but not least, the one who also forgot his costume is Robin, of Lodi." Now I really do laugh.

"Lodi?"

Robin speaks up, "Yeah, it's where I'm from in New Jersey. But it's also supposed to be LowDie, because I always used to roll a low number when I would play before I became a righteous Dungeon Master." He laughs a decidedly geeky laugh.

"Interestin'" I cough some more of the laughter away.

"Let us bow our heads in remembrance of Gygax."

Fuck! Xander is gonna owe me big time. I don't care if he saved my life, this has to outweigh him stoppin' me from chuckin' myself off the castle. I bow my head, in remembrance.

After a moment or two, Andrew wipes his eyes and announces there is food and other refreshments in the kitchen.

I go in and skull a couple of beers right in a row. Xander eyes me nervously. He's hidin' out in here.

"Fuckin' A, dude, fuckin' A." I say.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Well, let's go get our fuckin' geek on, X." I slap him on the back and his face brightens.

"You're the best, Faith!!"

"Don't I fuckin' know it. Bring the beers and that tray of sandwiches, I need something to keep my mouth and hands occupied."

He snickers, "Buffy could do that for you later."

"Yeah, but she's on my shit list, so she's gonna get her comeuppance tonight." I wink at him and sling an arm over his shoulder as we walk outta the kitchen and into the dorky fire.

"OH YEAH FAITH, Fuuuuuck, Fuck yes baby!! More, right there, more, please!!"

I roll off of her, and snuggle into my pillow.

"Wha? Huh? Faith?"

No answer from me.

"Baby?"

"..."

"FAITH!!"

Comeuppance.


	14. Never Won Any Awards For Bein' Smart

What the fuck?! Was that a door slam? Ugh, I got the worst taste in my mouth. Fuckin' never drinkin' like that again.

Shit!! I didn't mean to fall asleep like that last night. I was gonna just chill out for a bit, but I fuckin' fell asleep!!

Oh shit, B's gonna be so pissed at me it's not even funny!! I can't believe I actually **fell asleep!!**

I guess it was the case of beer I downed last night that did it. That and the half a bottle of Jack that I drank to get through the "memorial" D & D, game. I didn't get involved with the actual game because I don't know how to play, and I was too drunk for them to teach me, so I sat next to Xander and cheered him on. I was callin' out shit like "Mama needs a new pair of shoes!!" on important roles. He was lovin' it.

The guys ended up bein' pretty cool, well, not 'cool' in the sense that you'd want to hang with them everyday, but they were nice, and sometimes they said really funny shit. Especially to crack on each other. Shit like, "You're so stupid you can't even use a binary clock." or "You're mother is so dumb she thinks 'Queen Amidala' is that rap chick who was in Dreamgirls."

Fuckin' funny stuff.

But you know what's not funny? A pissed off Buffy. Shit, I'm so _dead_. She didn't get off last night, which means she's gonna be mega horny, and then she's not gonna put out for me out of revenge, since I was such a bitch with the comeuppance, and in the mean time she's gonna get her period and not wanna do anything when she stops bein' mad.

So, yeah, you guessed it, that's gonna mean she's gonna be cranky like you wouldn't believe.

Shit, why do I gotta do shit like that?

After makin' coffee and takin' a shower, I have myself convinced that B's not mad. I mean it would be logical right? I was a bit drunk, she was in heat, we fucked each other silly the night before. When you add that up it spells fallin' asleep in the middle of sex.

I'm _so_ fuckin' dead.

I go about my day with tryin' to keep positive.

After I pack my shit and load our stuff into the car, I head off to Giles'.

I snag a spot right in front of the building. Awesome!! Today's my lucky day!

I sneak into the class B's teachin' and I watch her go through her routine. She's tryin' to achieve inner peace, but I can tell by the look on her face that's not happenin'. Her horny has been thrown back into her face and she's hella pissed!!

Fuck, I don't want another scene in here, especially not so soon after I tried to kill Steph, so I go out and wait in the car.

Within about 30 minutes she's done and headed outside. She spots the car. God damn, if looks could kill I would have been annihilated just then, car and all.

She gets in, throws her bag in the back and slams the car door. Fuck, I hate it when people do that, but I don't dare say shit about it.

With my heart in my throat I say, "Hey, baby. How was class?"

She lets out a dangerous laugh and I shut the fuck up. She doesn't even look at me, she's starin' straight ahead. I pull out of the space and head out towards the Triborough Bridge. If she doesn't want to go to see my family with me I'll be crushed, so I just pray that she doesn't want me to turn around and head back down town.

After about 15 minutes of inchin' our way towards the bridge she tells me to pull over. Fuck, she's so pissed at me she's gonna take the subway back home.

I do as she says, tears are fighting their way to my eyes, but I don't wanna cry like a pussy in front of her. I've done that enough lately. I'd tell her I'm sorry though, I don't wanna lose her, I just wanna wait for the right time.

When the car stops she jumps out, slams the door, and waits next to it, she's so annoyed I can see it in the way she's standin' there, fuck, her bag's in the back seat. I unlock the rest of the doors. She almost rips the door off, gets in, pushes her bag to the front seat and then slams the back door shut.

Phew, she might be wantin' to kill me but at least she's still comin' with me.

I decide to try to joke around, so I put on my cab driver voice, "Where to, beautiful?"

"Faith, I'm this close to breaking rule number one and kicking you in the back of the head, just drive! I'm going to try to get some of the sleep I didn't get last night." God damn, I'm glad she doesn't get mad at me too often anymore, her tone is killer.

"Ok" I don't know why I stopped myself from sayin' sorry. I guess I feel like I might cry if I do, and like I said, for some reason I don't wanna cry around her right now. She'll probably kick me in the head if I say sorry anyway.

I turn up the radio a bit, I had been listening to the radio while waitin' for her.

"Isn't there anything besides _classical_ you can put on?"

What? Don't make fun, I like to listen to classical sometimes, it's soothin'.

"Ya know what? Fuck it!" She says with such venom my heart jumps, "Leave it, it'll help me sleep."

Lookin' in the rearview mirror I can see she's tryin' to get comfortable. I haven't pulled out of the space yet, so I get out and pop the trunk, I've got her pillow in here, I know how she likes to take her own pillow when we stay places, I also brought her favorite sweatshirt so she doesn't have to be all uncomfortable in her jacket in the car. I grab those and the comfy blanket I thought she might like also, 'cause it's still pretty cold out and I don't like to have the heat on that high, especially on long trips, it puts me to sleep.

And God forbid I fall asleep while drivin', after we were killed, Buffy would bitch at me all durin' the afterlife.

I open the opposite side door in the back and put the sweatshirt, pillow and blanket on the seat next to her. She doesn't say anything and I try not to make eye contact. Then I get back in the driver's seat and pull out into traffic. Buffy's finally comfortable in the back seat and I can hear her light snores. That's pretty cute.

At least she hasn't killed me yet.

About two hours later I see a sign for a rest area, I need to stop to take a pee, Buffy probably does, too. I also want some coffee or somethin'. I've been pretty upset the whole trip so I haven't even been hungry at all.

Yeah, a first, I know. Fightin' with Buffy does that to me though, come to think of it so does fuckin', we get so into it we forget to eat. Until we wake up, then we better have something quick to eat at hand 'cause we're _starved_.

I hear B stirrin' and she finally says, "I need to use the bathroom."

"'Kay, there's a rest stop about a minute or so up the road, I was about to pull in."

No answer.

My stomach feels tight, her attitude is killin' me, but I guess I deserve it.

I pull into the rest stop and she doesn't even wait for me to get out, she grabs her purse and runs into the buildin'. I feel like I've been slapped.

Why do I feel like this? I knew I was in for it, I shouldn't let it bother me. But my heart has that fucked up feelin', like if she doesn't talk to me soon, like _really_ talk to me, it's gonna implode.

It takes me a few minutes to gather my strength and get out of the car. B's comin' out of the women's toilets as I'm goin' in, she speeds up so she doesn't have to pass me and she heads towards the Cinnabon. Guess she's hungry.

After I take care of business I go towards the Cinnabon, B hasn't really moved up that far in line, someone orderin' is takin' a really long time to decide what they want, plus it looks like there's only one person workin' there.

I stand behind the guy who's standin' behind, B.

She sneaks a peak to see where I am, she spots me behind the dude. The barest hint of a smile graces her face and then she goes all 'Fuck you' again and her scowl is back. She turns towards the counter. Finally, she gets to order. She orders four regular cinnamon rolls with extra cream cheese icin' a small coffee and a large orange juice. Any other time I would say two of those cinnamon rolls were for me. But, for one, she probably didn't eat breakfast and for two, she hates me. Simple as that. She gets her order and passes by me without a look. The guy in front turns his head to check out her ass.

"Eyes front, buddy. You're up next." I growl as my fist clenches. But shit, don't need to get all violent on him just because B's got a sweet ass. Just as long as they don't hit on her, or actually, keep hittin' on her once they know we're together, then I'm cool with it. Not like I don't check out hot asses or tits when I'm out and about.

The dude doesn't say shit, 'cause he's embarrassed at bein' busted, and gives the clerk his order. My turn next and I order a coffee and a bun I also get a couple of bottles of water, not really that hungry but I gotta have somethin' to go with the coffee and B's gonna want some water, she's so pissed off she forgot to buy some.

B's done puttin' the cream and sugar in her coffee, I know she was takin' her time because she knows I have the keys to the car and she'd be too stubborn to ask me for 'em. I decide not to put any cream or sugar in my coffee 'cause she's already headin' towards the exit and I don't want to have her hafta wait in the cold for me. Fuck, I can't do it, I grab some packets of sugar and creamer to go.

Buffy was walkin' really fast so when I get out of the place she's almost at the car. I click the door opener and she opens the door and plops herself in the back seat.

Again, I get that fucked up feelin', I should just go apologize.

But I'm a pussy, so I don't.

She's busy wolfin' down her food when I get back in the car. I fix my coffee with the cream and sugar and inhale half of the bun, and I hear B sigh irritatedly. She starts to get out of the car.

"Where ya goin'?"

"Not that it's any of your business but I forgot to get some water."

"Wait!" I stop her before she's all the way out of the car.

"What?!"

I hold one of the bottles out to her. She gets back in and shuts the door. I think we're makin' progress, the shuttin' door didn't make my hair fly up or my ears pop. She takes the bottle from me and mutters a thanks.

"Welcome," I'm kinda chipper 'cause she seems to be warmin' up to me, but I don't fuckin' push my luck. She needs space and time. Fuck, I hope it doesn't take the fuckin' infinite frontier. "We're about half way; I'll wake ya when we're there?"

"Yeah"

I nod at her in the rearview and wait until she's done drinkin' her water, I reach back for the bottle and she hands me that and her other trash.

Once she's settled back into position I pull out. That reminds me of what I did last night, and I wanna fuckin' drop down on my knees and beg her for forgiveness, but she's already snorin', so I just concentrate on gettin' us there safely.

We'll work out me bein' a major fuckup later.

Fuck, we're here. I pull up to the house next door and just shut the car off.

Damn, it hasn't really changed, but it looks a hell of a lot smaller than when I was here last. I always used to think the house was huge. Now it looks tiny. The street even looks narrower. Weird.

I spend a few minutes musterin' the courage to wake Buffy, I really don't wanna go in there fightin' but I don't feel like I have a right to ask B to not hate me. Even just for a few hours. I don't wanna 'cause a scene in front of my family and not just for my sake, but I know Buffy doesn't wanna look like a total bitch in front of 'em. Not like it wouldn't be justified.

Fuck, I'm so stupid, I ruin every fuckin' thing I touch.

I turn around to wake her, she looks like a sleepin' angel. I touch her knee gently and feel a jolt of electricity, followed by a deep regret and this time I can't control my tears. Thankfully, I don't blub. They're just silently fallin'.

"Hey," I shake her knee gently. "Hey B, we're here." My voice somehow manages to remain steady, I don't deserve whoever is blessin' me with that.

She opens her eyes and looks around the car, tryin' to get her bearin's. Her eyes blink the sleep out of 'em and she yawns and stretches. She looks out the window.

My heart is poundin' and feels like it breaks off and lodges in my throat, I'm anxious to hear what she's gonna say.

If she says somethin' like, 'Let's get this over with.' or 'Don't expect me to be nice to you just 'cause we're meetin' your family.' I don't know what I'd do. Probably pussy out and go back home.

"Is it the blue one?"

"Yeah, with the black car in the driveway."

"Pretty," She sighs. Here it comes. "Look, Faith. I'm mad at you but I don't hate you, do you understand?"

I feel relieved a bit, but I don't know where she's goin' with that so I still hold my breath.

I shrug my reply.

"Yeah, real good, try to piss me off even more."

Shit, I gotta fix this now. "I'm sorry, B. I didn't mean to fall asleep last night! Honest. I was just kinda kiddin' around 'cause you left me hangin' with the geeks. But then I guess I was exhausted 'cause I fell asleep for real."

"Yeah, well you smelled like beer and Jack so I should have known you were in danger of passing out, I just never thought it was possible for you to do that during sex. I would have bet my life on the opposite."

No fuckin' way her life is worth bettin' on my worthless ass.

I sigh, "Buffy, I know 'I'm sorry's' not gonna cut it. What do you want me to do?"

"Well, first I want you to not look like someone stepped on your puppy and killed it. And next I want you to get out and open the door for me. You're gonna be my slave for the day. Tonight we'll work out what your punishment will be. And don't get that look on your face, it's not gonna be sexual. Even if I wanted that, I got my period this morning so there won't be any of that for at least three days."

FUCK!! I guess I saw that one comin' already, but I didn't wanna admit it. Fuck.

"And don't worry, I'm not gonna give you a hard time around your family. But I'm not gonna be overly kissy-kissy, ok?"

"Ok," She's already doin' more than I deserve her to do. Plus, I wouldn't be all kissy-kissy with anyone I brought home to meet my family. I think that people that suck face right in front of their family, especially at the dinner table, is really fuckin' disrespectful. Don't get me wrong, a couple of kisses is ok, but when your date's tryin' to get their tongue down your throat and their family's all starin' makes me wanna rip their tongue out with my teeth. Yeah, it happened to me once, never again, though.

I get out and open the door for her. I offer her my arm and she hooks hers through it, it's a bit chilly so I pull her closer. Gotta get some closeness after that ride we just had, I felt so fuckin' alone.

DING DONG

Shit, my heart is goin' a mile a minute.

"Relax, baby. Everything'll be ok."

She called me baby, I wanna cry. Again.

I already wiped my tears and fixed my makeup so I will myself to keep it together.

The door opens.

"Oh, my god!! They're here!!"

Aunt Dee holds her arms out to me. Fuck, she hasn't changed a bit.

She tries her best to squeeze the life outta me and then lets me go. She fixes her gaze on Buffy.

"So, this is Buffy, huh?"

B looks a little nervous, she wants Aunt Dee to love her. Buffy nods her head

"Come give Aunt Dee some sugar, girly!" B smiles hugely and allows herself to be groped by my Aunt. I'm kiddin' about the groped, but my Aunt is one of those touchy feely people.

"Hey, Dee, you out here cheatin' on me with some hot broads?" Uncle Jimmy comes up behind her and gives me a smile and a wink.

"Shut up, Jim." Aunt Dee looks a little embarrassed and lets Buffy go but holds her at arms length. "You're such a pretty girl, couldn't do better than my loser niece, huh?" She's bein' funny but it really hits home and I have to look away. I pretend I'm lookin' at the house.

For some reason B's answer here means so much to me, but I know she's either not gonna answer and laugh it off, or say somethin' to break my heart.

"Faith's the only one for me. Even though she makes me so mad I wanna throttle her sometimes." She punches me lightly in the arm. It's the best punch anyone's ever given me. I'm so happy!

"Don't I know the feelin'! Sometimes I wanna bash Jim in the head with a baseball bat, dig a hole in the back yard and dump him. But then the dog would keep diggin' up my yard to get at his sorry bones."

Damn, Aunt Dee's hardcore!!

Uncle Jimmy laughs. "She's been promisin' to put me out of my misery for almost twenty years."

Aunt Dee turns to him to give him the mal' occhio, he swallows and comes out a bit to give us a proper greetin'. When we're all done, Aunt Dee ushers us inside and then blows out our ear drums.

"Ashleigh!! Julia!! Leah!! Wait is Leah here? No she's with her friend until later, right?" I think she's askin' herself those questions, at least I hope so, if she's expectin' an answer outta me she's outta luck.

Ashleigh calls out from upstairs, "What's all the commotion down there?!

"Your cousin Faith and her fiancée are here!!"

I hear Ashleigh knock on a door and run down the hall while yellin', "Jules!! Come on!! Faith's here!!" She runs down the steps and jumps into my arms. Shit, it feels good to be wanted like this.

Jules comes runnin' down the steps, too and jumps onto Ashleigh and tries to muscle her way in, they're yellin' at me and squealin' happily, almost simultaneously, I shift 'em so I can hold 'em both. Fuck, they're so grown up but still exactly like the little kids I remember.

"Faith's always been so strong," Aunt Dee feels like she's gotta explain to B how I can carry them like this. "Shoulda entered _her_ into the Olympics."

The girls get down finally, they shake B's hand politely and start bendin' her ear off about us livin' in NYC and her bein' from California, she looks like she's handlin' it well. Guess they remind her of Dawn.

Aunt Dee pulls me aside and whispers, "She's a real looker, and I'm not just sayin' that, Faith. You did a good job, not only is she a honey, but I can tell she's a really sweet girl."

I watch Buffy entertainin' my cousins and my Uncle with her stories of Sunnydale and I smile. I did do a good job. 'Cept I tried to fuck it up last night.

"What's with the face? You two havin' problems?"

I shrug.

"Don't gimme that fuckin' shrug," She whispers angrily. "you always did that and now my kids do it and it makes me wanna smack 'em. What happened?"

"I kinda played a stupid prank on her last night, she's mad at me but she's bein' good for you guys."

"Well, that's 'cause she loves ya. I can tell. Look, even now when she glances over here she sees the girl she fell in love with," She chuckles. "right before she remembers you're the asshole that pulled a stupid prank."

I laugh.

"Deborah, is that Faith?" I hear a soft voice at the top of the steps. Oh shit, my Gee Gee.

"Yeah, Ma. Don't do the steps by yourself, we don't need ya pitchin' down, 'em!"

"Send her up here, I want to talk to her a moment. I'll be in my room."

My grandmother has a slight Italian accent, she came over here when she was sixteen so she's lost most of it, she kinda sounds royal or somethin' it's the only way I can describe it.

Shit, I'm nervous.

I ask B if it's ok to leave her down here by herself with a quirk of my eyebrow, and she nods her head.

I might as well get it over with. I take the steps two at a time and make my way into my Grandma's room. Aunt Dee told me it was the first one on the left.

The doors open and I knock slightly before steppin' in the room. My grandmother's face lights up.

"Oh, Bella!" She holds her arms out. "Come here and give your Gee Gee a hug and a kiss, cara mia." I practically fly to her and she wraps me up in a hug. I start with the silent tears again. "Oh, Faith, I'm so glad you came back."

I feel like such a shit that I start cryin' a little harder.

"No, no tears," She says as her voice breaks. "You came back and that's all that matters." After comfortin' me for a while, she makes me sit on the bed and takes a seat next to me. She holds my hand and pats my leg.

"I'm so sorry for not keepin' in touch, Gee."

"No sorries, Faith. I mean it." I chuckle 'cause that sounds familiar. "You're here now and that's good enough for me." She was always such a good woman, very gentle and understandin'.

Unless you did somethin' to hurt her on purpose, then she'd fuckin' gut ya. Mostly with the stink eye, but I don't wanna think about what else she's capable of.

"You brought a friend?" She smiles at me knowingly.

Damn, I'm fuckin' nervous to tell her I'm engaged to a woman.

"Yeah," I trail off.

"Your Aunt Deborah tells me she's from California."

"Yes, she's from L.A. and then moved to a town called Sunnydale, that's where we met."

"The one that was lost in the earthquake a couple of years ago?" She's a smart broad. Come to think of it she's a lot younger lookin' and less frail than I thought she would be.

"Yeah, she lost everything. I was there with her when it all happened." Side by side, makin' sure she didn't die.

"I'm glad you got out unhurt," Gee Gee squeezes my hand. "She's got family?"

"A sister, her mom died about a year or two before the earthquake."

"Oh! Such a shame." She clicks her tongue "And her father?" Gee Gee likes to get to know people before she meets 'em. That's mainly why she called me up here.

"He's a dead beat. Never even got in touch with her after her mom died."

Gee Gee shakes her head. "Poor, poor girl. Her story sounds like someone else I know."

Heh. Yeah, me an B got a lot in common.

"True."

"Are you two happy together?"

I stiffen.

"No one told me, Faith. I'm not stupid. You didn't go to college so she can't be your college roommate, and I have an eye for these things. I can tell you're in love, and if you were so in love with a man, it would be him here with you now, not her."

She should be a watcher, she knows a lot just by observance.

"We're _really_ happy together." I don't tell her about almost fuckin' things up. Of course.

"Good, that's all I want to know." She gets up and goes to her dresser. I see her pick up a bottle of perfume, probably wants to get gussied up for company. Not that she looks like she just got out of the hospital or nothin'. She kinda reminds me of Sophia Loren, beautiful, elegant and classy. Can't believe she's almost 80.

All of a sudden she fuckin' whips the bottle of perfume at me. I catch it just in time.

WHAT THE FUCK?! Gee Gee's gone crazy!! I get up to go call Aunt Dee up here.

"Sit down, Bella. I wanted to know something, and now I do." She's got a knowin' look on her face. "Or at least I think I might."

Huh?

"You wanna explain that?"

"The strength, the agility...the beauty." She smiles.

Fuck, no, she can't know! Can she?

"What're you gettin' at Gee, all I did was catch a stupid bottle."

"Sure, a bottle, yes. But what about the time you ripped the back door off its hinges and threw it half way across the back yard when your mother didn't come pick you up for your birthday? She had said she would, but she lied."

I mutter a sorry for the door.

"It's ok, mi dolce, I should have questioned you about it then, but I was too stunned to know you had the gift."

"What gift?"

"The gift of the Chosen."

Oh shit, for some reason my heart clenches and tears are tryin' to fight their way to my eyes. I gotta have my fuckin' tear ducts ripped out, they've been workin' against me too much lately.

I sigh out to try to keep from bawlin' again and go to Gee Gee's window to look out at the street. This is Aunt Dee and Uncle Jimmy's house now, but it used to be Gee Gee and Pops', I spent a lot of time in this very bedroom. It used to be my mom's and then would be my room when I would either run here, or when ma would ship me off here 'cause she was too busy gettin' high.

"Not sayin' I'm one of those, but uhhh, how do you know about all that?"

"Smart girl, The Slayer shouldn't trust anyone, not even her family when it comes to keeping the world safe."

"I trust ya, Gee. But what's with all this 'slayer' business?"

"In Palermo, when I was a young girl, I had a friend, we were practically raised together. One day, we were out gossiping and it was like a lightning bolt came down from the sky, she was hit with some sort of energy. She almost passed out and I had to help her back to her house. Within a few hours she realized she was exceptionally gifted with strength, speed, resilience, she had always had the beauty." Gee Gee chuckles.

"So how did you know about the Slayer thing, not that I'm sayin' anything."

"Yes, not that you're saying anything." She winks at me. "A man came, the next day. He said he'd been searching for her for almost a year."

"How old was she at the time?"

"When she became the slayer she was 15, same age as I was."

Adds up.

"I never heard of no Sicilian slayer." Shit, fuckin' can't even play dumb. I suck.

Gee Gee smirks, but doesn't call me on it.

"She went to great lengths to keep her identity hidden. She burned all of her watcher's diaries when she found out he kept them."

I want to tell her that I don't keep a journal and my first watcher's stuff is probably toast, but I still don't feel like tellin' her much.

"So, she shared all this stuff with you?"

"Yes, we had shared so much already, she tried to keep it hidden but one day she came in with such a gash in her side, Madonna Mia! I thought I would die from the sight! I helped her dress the wound, she wouldn't let me call the doctor. Within hours she was almost completely healed, just some superficial cuts and muscle pain that lasted about a week."

Sounds about right.

"What happened to her?"

"I don't really know. I wanted to believe that she came over here with her watcher. But I never heard from her again when she left, and of course I assumed she was dead when I heard of other slayers being called."

"You came to the U.S. about a year after she left your village?"

"Yes."

"Were you lookin' for her?"

"I did."

"Gee Gee, if you tell me you were gay I'm gonna pass out." Not that I would mind if my Gee Gee got girl love, but it would shock the shit out of me, for sure.

"Not gay, Faith. But is anyone really straight?" I hold onto the bedpost so my knees don't buckle. "I never had a sister and like I said, we were very close." Oh, ok.

"Did you follow many other slayer's lives?"

"I tried, but it was hard to keep up. Then I met your grandfather and he became my life."

"Gee Gee, I'm dyin' to know. How did you miraculously have kids after about a dozen years of tryin' without any luck?"

She leans in conspiratorially. "It's a really old ancient secret, can I trust you?"

"Of course." I hold my hand over my heart just for the drama.

"I stopped using birth control."

I'm confused, how the fuck did that help her have...Oh, holy shit! That sly dog, she didn't have any problems havin' kids!

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Your grandfather's family would have had us run out of South Boston. You couldn't use anything to stop having children in those days, not for a Catholic. I had a Jewish doctor and he was really progressive and discreet."

"You and Pops wanted to live it up a little before havin' kids, huh?" I wink.

"We wanted to be settled, yes. _So_ many of his family, and mine in Palermo had kids too young. Not that we didn't have our problems with our children, but I think we were able to deal with it better by being settled."

Mystery solved then.

"When were you called, Bella?"

"1998."

"The foster mother, Emily, she was a watcher, no?"

"Yeah," I hope she doesn't ask too much about her.

"Who was the slayer before you?"

"Kendra, she was from Jamaica."

"Did you know her?"

"No. Why all the questions, Gee?"

"No reason, I just haven't talked to a slayer in a long time, I'm fascinated by the stories and the lives that are given so that others can go on about their daily routines unaware of the dangers that they escape."

Cool, my Gee Gee is the bomb!

"Tell your Buffy to come up here, I'd like to meet her without all the prying eyes around."

"Kay"

I go out to the staircase and call down for B. I can hear her talkin' and laughin' with the rest of the family.

"Yes?"

"Can you come up here please, Gee Gee'd like to meet you."

"She likes to meet people in private, without all the girls watchin', that means you too, Jim." Aunt Dee says with a laugh. Uncle Jim laughs, too. They're nuts together.

Buffy walks up the steps kinda nervously. "It'll be ok, B. Gee Gee's cool." I say quietly when she gets to the top of the steps. She nods and hooks her arm through mine again.

"Here she is Gee, my fiancée. Buffy Summers. B, this is my Grandmother Giulia "

"Come here, dear girl, do you mind if I give you a hug and a kiss?"

Buffy smiles, charmed already by my grandmother. "Not at all, it feels like I know you already. Faith's told me so much." Shit, she lied, but I hope she's not sayin' that sarcastically to let my Gee Gee know how much of an asshole I am. Although, she should, she totally should.

They hug and my grandmother gives B the traditional kiss on each cheek. "I'm sorry to hear of your mother, Faith tells me she passed a few years ago?"

Buffy gives Gee Gee a sad look and nods. "She had an aneurysm."

"Poor, dear." Gee Gee gives B another hug for comfort. "How's your sister?"

"She's doing well, she lives in England right now. Uhhh teaching and doing research."

"How wonderful."

"Yes, we're all really proud of her."

B looks at me and smiles, she knows I was up here spillin'; I didn't tell Gee Gee that B was the Slayer, too. It's my need to protect her that stopped me.

"They should be proud of you, too; the longest living slayer is not a feat that should go un-praised."

My eyes widen. Buffy looks at me puzzled.

"Faith didn't tell me, dear. I heard things through the grapevine. I was just telling my granddaughter about a friend I had back in Sicily."

Gee Gee tells Buffy the story. B's listenin' fascinated as she tells us some of the stuff she saw her friend do as the slayer.

"I wonder if Giles has anything on her." Buffy says to me.

"Is he your watcher?"

"Well, he's kind of all of our watchers now. We have a friend, who acts as our actual watcher."

"Faith," My grandmother turns to me. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Anything, Gee Gee."

"Your Uncle John's girl, Francine, I think she has the gift."

"Little Francie?"

"She's not so little anymore."

"When did it happen?"

"About 3 months ago. I haven't been well enough to get her help. She's trying to fight against the fact that she's a slayer."

Damn, I wonder whose death caused her to be called.

Even though the slayer line is supposed to pass through me, the line is getting blurred as time goes on. Might be one day when any slayer dies, even the ones Will called, another slayer gets called in their place.

Guess that's how it should work, although I wonder if it'll fuck with the balance. We'll see. I'll have Dawnie look into it.

"She use her powers to hurt anyone?"

"No, she's upset at being called names, though." I bet, Boston school kids can be fuckin' brutal. "She can't even play soccer because they're afraid she'll hurt someone. She doesn't know her own strength."

"Is Uncle John willin' to let her study in NY?"

"He wants what's best for her."

"Have you told him about the slayer thing?"

"No, I keep it as quiet as possible, there are some in the family that would use it as a witchhunt."

Yeah, like my fuckin' father. Asshole.

"Francie and Uncle John comin' here later?"

"No, tomorrow. She's with that bitch, excuse my language, of a mother of hers."

My Uncle John has no luck with women, his first wife, Francie's mother left him for the plumber. I mean how fuckin' cliché can you get? But if it's bound to happen to someone, that someone is my Uncle John. I feel really bad for him though. He's such a cool guy. But he's kinda too nice.

"Ok, I'll talk to her if you want."

"That would be wonderful! Thank you, Bella, thank you." She takes my hands and kisses them. I give her cheek a kiss.

"No, Gee Gee, thank you."

"So, now, about this engagement. Where is the ring?" Gee Gee looks at Buffy and quirks an eyebrow.

Buffy holds her hand out to my grandmother, I'm glad she's still got it on, after my stunt last night I thought she might have taken it off. 'Cause I'm stupid like that.

"Oh, so beautiful! You're Aunt Deborah will ask where the huge diamond is. She's such a how do you call it now? Gold digger?"

Me and B crack up laughin'.

"Yeah, that's how it's called. She's always been that way. I used to 'borrow' her rings, and she'd charge me a rental fee."

"Did she tell you she has your mother's engagement ring?"

"What engagement?"

"The one that you weren't here for."

I hang my head in shame.

"Don't look like that, cara mia." She pulls my head up with her hand under my chin. "It was to someone she met in rehab."

"That the fucker who bought her the junk that killed her?"

"Yes, that's the one. And watch your mouth." She smiles at me to let me know she's not really mad that I cursed.

"Sorry"

"Buffy," Gee Gee turns her attention on B. "Tell me, have you planned a date for the wedding?"

"We haven't yet, we only just got engaged last week."

"On Valentine's Day?"

"Yes,"

"That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you both!" Gee Gee smiles a warm and loving smile. "You let me know, and I'll help you plan."

"You don't have to do that, Gee."

"I don't but I want to, you'll need money, no?"

"Not really," B looks at me curiously. "Got some saved up especially." I wink at her.

"Well then, save that towards having children." Gee Gee gives us both a 'you are having children aren't you?' look. She's such a cool woman!

"Ok," It's pointless to fight with her about it, I'll only end up losin'.

"Good, we'll work out the details another time. And don't think I'm going to take over your planning, I'm merely here for help if you need it, and money."

Buffy and I each hug her in thanks.

"Now, Faith, do you mind going downstairs and seeing what your cousins are up to? They're probably plotting some prank to play on you as revenge for not keeping in touch."

I know her game, she wants me to leave her alone with Buffy for a bit. For some girl talk.

"Sure," I look at B to make sure she's ok with me leavin'.

"Don't worry about Buffy, we're going to talk some shop. She's in good hands."

I laugh. B holds out her hand to me and pulls me in for a hug. I gratefully accept it, although I don't deserve it.

"Relax, Faith," She whispers in my ear. "I won't tell her that I'm mad at you."

I give her a kiss on the side of her head. "Thanks, but you don't have to protect me, B. They already know what a fuck up I am."

She gives me a sad look.

"Whispering sweet nothings? How cute." Gee Gee smiles.

I go downstairs and wonder what they could be talkin' about.

As I hit the bottom of the stairs the door opens and in walks Leah with her boy in her arms.

"Holy shit!! She actually showed up!!"

"Leah, language!! The baby." Aunt Dee yells.

"Besides bein' deaf, the baby's gonna have a vocabulary full of nothin' but curses." Uncle Jimmy says. Leah hands Joey to him and then wraps me up in a huge hug.

"I can't believe it!! I can't believe it!!"

"I told you I'd come."

"Yeah, I know. But I think this is the first time on record a Lehane kept their promise!"

I laugh. "Yeah well I'm a Lehane because my mother wanted me to be, you can't fault me for that."

I spy someone in the doorway, lookin' kinda nervous. She's pretty hot. What? I'm just lookin'!

"I'm sorry, my cousin has no manners." I pry Leah's arms off me. "My name is Faith. Nice to meet you." I hold my hand out to the pretty blonde.

"I'm Kara. I've heard a lot about you. And by a lot I mean A LOT." She says with a laugh.

"Yeah, I wondered why my ears were burnin' constantly."

"That's 'cause you're such a loser."

"Leah, I'm not opposed to kickin' your ass in front of your family and your friend."

"She's not my friend." I narrow my eyes at her in confusion. "She's my girl. What you think you're the only lesbo in the family?"

Holy shit! Seriously, what the fuck's in the water?

"But..." The kid, what's with that? I don't wanna ask out loud in case it's somethin' that will cause a fight.

"But how come I had a kid?"

I nod. I mean I know we live in different times and all, but she's only 18, that kinda shit just doesn't happen in the young lesbian community, does it?

"Well, like I told you on the phone, I made a mistake, but Joe's a peach and things worked out." Leah takes Kara's hand and they both give each other lovin' smiles. Phew, good to know. Now I'll have to find out the scoop, but I don't wanna do it without B here, otherwise she'll be left outta the loop. She's probably not gonna let me talk to her later so I'd rather wait to find out the real deal.

Damn, I wonder what we're gonna do about the sleepin' arrangements now that B's pissed off at me.

I guess we'll deal with that later.


	15. What I Have I Don't Deserve

Author's note: Thank you very much for your support of this story. I can't tell you how happy I am that so many people are liking it.  Sorry for the long time in between updates, I promise I'll do better.

We've eaten dinner, which B helped cook, Aunt Dee was impressed. She was thinkin' I'd have some pretty chick who couldn't cook or drive. Heh. I don't dare tell her she was accurate up until about two years ago.

After dinner, Aunt Dee gave the baby a bath and dressed him in his pj's, then Leah asked me and Buffy to come down with her and Kara to their basement apartment while they put him down for sleep. It's a pretty sweet apartment, it has a kitchen, a bathroom and a living room area, with two bedrooms. The baby sleeps in their room right now though, in his crib.

This used to be my grandfather's rec room and bar area. It was pretty sweet then too, I always used to pretend to be mixin' drinks when I made my milkshakes.

We used to have my birthday parties down here, when my mom wasn't fightin' with my grandparents and would let me come around them. I played a lot down here, too. They had an old Nintendo system, and when I wasn't outside havin' fun, I would come down here and play video games with my Aunt and Uncles, if they were around.

Good times, yes they were few and far between, 'specially when my ma was hopped up on whatever shit she could find and paranoid that my grandparents were workin' with the FBI. Poor ma, she was one fucked up girl. I gotta try my hardest not to get that way.

Me and B sit on the couch while Leah and Kara are puttin' the baby down, I can hear Leah singin' to him. That's pretty sweet. She was always goin' around singin' somethin' when she was a kid. Mainly Madonna, but she liked Mariah Carey and Whitney Huston and stuff. She also was influenced by my Uncles and her Ma so she was listenin' to the Beatles and Bowie, and the Clash.

I introduced her to Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Mudhoney, the Pixies and a lot of rap, so she's got a good balance of stuff.

She's the one who introduced us all to classical and opera. Yeah, I fuckin' said opera, so go fuck off. Well, it was actually Gee Gee and Pops that played it for her, but she was the only one of us who didn't run screamin' when we heard it. We were a bunch of fuckers. So anyway, she got me hooked.

B's sittin' on the opposite end of the couch, I think since we've been alone together she's had time to think about what a bitch I was last night. She's kinda fidgety and doesn't know what to do with her hands or legs. Like she can't keep 'em still.

I sit here like a mute 'cause I don't wanna piss her off and say the wrong thing.

The girls come out of the bedroom and Kara goes to sit at the little kitchen table. Leah puts a little coffee pot on the stove.

"Want some espresso?"

"Yeah, damn, I haven't had that in a while. You got any Sambuca?" I joke.

"Fuck yeah."

"Leah!" Kara scolds her.

"I mean, uhhhh no, no I don't. Why, Faith, you know I'm only 18 and shouldn't have any alcohol."

"Shit, Lee. Gee Gee's been givin' us Winos since we were a little bit older than Joey in there." A wino is a glass of sprite with wine in it. I'm not sure who named it wino, but we've been callin' it that since before I can remember.

"Get out," She laughs. "It's only been since we turned 11 or 12."

"Point is, a little Sambuca in the espresso ain't gonna kill ya, or make ya drunk, right?"

Buffy narrows her gaze at me.

"But, uhhhh yeah, fuck, you're too young for all that. Just some lemon peel and sugar should do it."

"None for me, thanks." B says, yeah, she's about to jump out of her skin, don't need her drinkin' espresso.

"We have some sleepy time tea if you'd like?" Kara says. I get a chill. Damned if she just didn't remind me of Tara.

Kara, Tara. Nah, whatever. I'm nuts.

"Yes, that would be wonderful, thanks."

"So..." Leah starts.

"Yeah, 'so', so what's with the copyin' me and bein' a lesbian and all?"

"I'm not copying you! I didn't even know you were into women!!" I know just how to push this girl's buttons. "Besides, the last time you were here you were goin' out with that stupid drummer."

"Yeah, Kenny, such a loser."

"How did you and Kara meet?" Buffy asks. She's always into findin' out about the romance.

"In high school. She just moved here Freshman year. We hated each other for the first year or so." They look at each other and laugh.

"Sexual tension's a bitch, huh?" I wiggle the brows and they all laugh.

The coffee and tea are done and we sit sippin' it and eatin' some of the killer cookie's they put out. Aunt Dee must have gotten these from that Italian bakery that Uncle Jimmy's dad and uncle own. Gennaro's. It's fuckin' off the chain dude!!

People come from all over the place for their cannoli's and stuff. Only place I can get anything close to their stuff is a place in Union, NJ. Somethin' D'Oro. Giles peeped me to that. Dunno how he knew about it, but I guess that's why he gets paid the big bucks.

Anyway, so Leah and Kara sit holdin' each other's hands. In contrast me and B are sittin' as far as we can get away from each other. It's like if I even put a foot near her she moves hers away.

Fuck, I am _so_ in for it later. I wonder if I should kinda discreetly ask if I can stay down here in the other room. I wonder why my Aunt didn't suggest that in the first place. She's makin' the other girls double up. Or I thought that's what she said.

"So, that other room there, it's got a bed?"

Buffy looks at me like I just told them she's a whore.

"No, it's got all Kara's boxes and stuff in it. Her parents threw her out last year."

"Oh, that sucks."

"Yeah, ma said she could live here and then dad made this apartment for us."

"That's pretty cool. This is a sweet crib." They say thanks. "Not that I wanna pry or nothin' Leah, and you can tell me if I've over stepped my boundaries..."

"This is about Joey, huh?"

"If you want me to leave while you talk about this, I can go get ready for bed?" B says.

Shit, I hope Leah says no.

"No, please stay, I'd like to tell you both."

"Go ahead. Shoot." I'm relieved 'cause B's relaxin' in her chair again. Or her twitchy version of relaxin' anyway.

"Well, I got this fucked up idea that I was missin' out on something, 'cause I was with women since I was young."

"Fuckin' A, Leah. You're 18, how many women were you with?" I ask kinda shocked.

"Are you serious?" She looks at me all bratty. "Do you want me to ask you how many men you were with before you were 18."

I shut the fuck up and B glares at me.

"Go on." I mutter.

"Thanks," She continues. "So, anyway. Me and Kara had a fight like two days before, I mean a huge blow out. She took most of her clothes and left."

"She go back to her parents?"

"I didn't know at the time, but Gee Gee told Uncle John and she went and stayed with him."

"That's good, least she didn't have to go on the street."

"Your grandmother's one hell of a woman." Kara says to me and I nod, B and Leah quickly agree.

"So, Kara left, and what? You wanted to try what it was like?"

"Yeah, there..." She stops and Kara squeezes her hands. "There was this party and this _boy_, he was popular."

I shake my head. "And he said two words to you and you slept with him."

She doesn't say anything.

"What the fuck, Leah?!"

"Shhh, Faith."

I lower my voice. "I'm sorry, a little break up like that shouldn't 'cause you to do reckless things like that."

"It wasn't a little break up, you weren't here!" Leah raises her voice and Kara shhh's her. "Sorry, you weren't here, you don't get to judge."

"Well, whatever, but you shouldn't be reckless like that over a disappointment." Am I dumb or what? I almost chucked myself off a buildin' 'cause B said I was nothin'. But that's different.

"I know, but, now I have a wonderful baby, and we're stronger than ever."

"Well, you're lucky. You've got a carin' family and a great girl." I smile at Kara and she smiles back. "So you goin' to Yale still?"

"Yeah, next year. We're gonna go together, Joey'll have to stay here, but we'll come back on weekends and breaks."

"That's gonna be freakin' hard, Lee."

"Don't I know it. But, I gotta go to school, Faith. We've gotta make a good life for ourselves. Can't always rely on Gee Gee's good heart for stuff, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know."

I wonder if there's anything I can do to help her, kinda pull strings so she can bring Joey, but no, she'd get no studyin' done. Maybe this is the best way. We'll see. I'm gonna make sure she's not fuckin' up, though.

Just hafta steer her the opposite way from anything I did.

"Kara's comin' with me, we both got into Yale."

"Congratulations!" Buffy who's been pretty quite, says. "Do you know if you'll have the same dorm?"

"Probably not, but Sophomore year we can pick."

"That's cool."

I can see Kara's rubbin' Leah's leg, tell tale sign of wantin' some lovin' and really quick. I fake a yawn.

"Man, that was a long ride. Haven't taken a trip like that in a while."

"Tough one?"

"The toughest." I pout at B and she doesn't even crack a smile. Fuck, she's still really pissed at me.

"Ok, well, I'm gonna go get ready for bed. You guys have fun. I'll go say goodnight to Aunt Dee and all them."

Buffy doesn't get up right away, I wonder what she's thinkin'.

I go say goodnight to my Aunt and Uncle and B comes up from the basement. She's lookin' less pissed but she's still not makin' eye contact with me.

"Buffy, thanks for helpin' me with dinner, you're a wonder in the kitchen."

"Thanks."

I was gonna say that I taught her all she knows, but I'm feelin' like a huge asshole so I don't.

"You think Gee Gee's still up?"

"Nah, she took a pill for the headaches she gets."

Damn, I should have said goodnight, but I guess I kinda did when we went downstairs, I hope she's not pissed at me.

"Thanks for everything, Aunt Dee." Buffy says. I guess Dee told her to call her that, sounds like something she would do.

"You're welcome, and we'll see you tomorrow. Faith's makin' breakfast." She wiggles her brows at me.

"Ok, I'll do my special."

Their faces light up 'cause they all know what my special is. Eggs, bacon cut thick, good sausages (not those frozen links), smashed potatoes, and sautéed tomatoes. Yeah, I said smashed potatoes, 'cause they're not mashed, but I bake 'em, or microwave 'em then I do kinda smash 'em up and put butter and salt on 'em. They really go good with the tomatoes.

Damn, I'll have to get up early to make sure we have enough stuff. How am I gonna do that with no sleep 'cause I've spent the night on the fuckin' floor?

I don't wanna ask my Aunt to sleep anywhere else, like the couch, 'cause I don't wanna call attention to our problems. We finish our goodnights and I follow, B upstairs.

Our stuff's in the room, Uncle Jimmy had brought our bags up before we had dinner.

B uses the bathroom and then I do, she's in bed when I get back in the room. Damn, it's a small bed, bigger than a single, I guess it's a twin. Fuck, how'd they expect us to sleep here?

I guess if we weren't fightin' it would have been fuckin' sweet. And I do mean 'fuckin'.

Not that we would have been loud or nothin' because that's fuckin' disrespectful, too. But a fuck when you're tryin' to be quiet is a really hot fuck.

And damn, now I'm horny, and I just remembered B's on her period and would rather see me dead. I pout.

I can make out a poster on the wall, shit, that's where my ma's Madonna poster went. It's the same one that was in a scene of Silence of the Lambs. Madonna's hair was all long and curly and teased up. When I watch that movie and see that poster my heart starts speedin' up, 'cause it reminds me of my ma.

I wonder if I should ask for a sleepin' bag. I see Buffy tossin' and turnin' tryin' to get comfortable. I get my pillow off the bed and she grabs my arm.

"What are you doing?"

"I was gonna maybe sleep on the floor?"

She gets up and points to the side near the wall. "There's room."

Yeah, I see all that fuckin' room.

Shit, this is gonna suck. But I'm not a pussy, I can take it. I try not to sigh and get in the bed, B turns her back on me as I lay on my back lookin' at the ceiling.

I put my hands behind my head and try to imagine that I'm 12 again, and my ma's still alive. I breathe in and the smell's kinda the same, only I can smell Buffy now, too, and my heart feels full.

Shit, I'm such an asshole. She was awesome today, playin' with the baby, and entertainin' my younger cousins, she even joked around with my Uncle Jimmy, who thinks he's a comedian. Everyone loved her, like always. And of course she helped my Aunt cook that awesome dinner.

I wonder what she talked to Gee Gee about though. B was kinda sad when she came back downstairs after their talk. I try not to think about it 'cause it'll drive me nuts.

Every time my leg touches B, she tenses up. Fuck, if she hates me why did she let me sleep in the bed with her?

I roll over towards her and scoot myself back more until my I can feel my ass hit the wall. I can see she's still fidgety.

God damn, she must still be horny. Or just about to punch my face in.

I want to comfort her, because I was the one who fucked up and I don't need her to be sufferin' for my stupidity.

Time to pay the piper.

She doesn't shrug my hand off when I reach out and put it on her arm. She sighs a relieved sigh. At least I hope it's a relieved one, but I'm pretty sure I can tell when it's relieved and when it's annoyed.

I let my arm drape over her and she scoots back into me.

"I'm so sorry, B. I didn't mean to do any of that to you last night."

"I know you are. I know. I was just so stunned, Faith. At first I thought you were joking but then I heard you snoring and I couldn't wake you up."

"Well, I _was_ jokin' and like I said, I guess I didn't realize how much I had drank and how exhausted I was, because the next thing I knew I woke up to a slammin' door."

"God, I was soooooo pissed off at you this morning. I had a note that I wrote, but at the last second I tore it up. I didn't want to be that much of a bitch. Plus, I know how sometimes if I lash out at you it makes you feel backed into a corner and that's never good."

"I'm glad you know what I need, B. I'm thinkin' I need a kick in the head, like you said in the car."

"No, no violence. We both promised. During my class, I tried to find my inner chi, but all I managed to do was break the door knob on the way out of gym."

"Damn, I guess I'll pay Giles when we get back, smooth things over."

"Good, I kinda told him to shove it up his ass."

I laugh and she relaxes back into me more. I can feel her nipples brushin' on my arm through her nightie, they're hard. I'm surprised she's not wearin' a freakin' sweat suit. Usually, she doesn't wear anything sexy if she's not tryin' to have anything happen between us.

But I guess she did it because we'd be sharin' a smaller bed, and she doesn't wanna sweat like a pig.

I breathe in her shampoo and fuck, I wish I didn't just do that, instead of calmin' me, it's makin' me hornier.

She's hangin' onto my arm and rubbin' it lightly. Kinda like when she wants me to do somethin' for her.

I whisper my love and hope of forgiveness in her ear. She plays with my fingers on the end of the arm that's draped over her.

She guides my hand to her breast and I hold my breath. Fuck, that feels so good. I never thought I'd be doin' this for at least another week, if ever.

Maybe this is her revenge, she's gonna get me all worked up and then go to sleep. But I'm pretty sure she's not gonna sleep if she doesn't get any release, I just wonder how that's gonna happen when she's all, 'No, Faith, not during my period.' and shit.

She lets out a tiny groan as my hand squeezes her breast, gentle but firm. I lightly squeeze her nipple between my fingers. She gasps a bit and backs up more into me, I'm back as far as I can go, so I push into her, grindin' against her ass, that's what she wants because she draws in a shaky breath.

She whispers out, "Faith, that feels so good."

I'm so happy I could cry. I'm like a pregnant chick lately. I hope the doc can help with me gettin' control of that. Anyway, I decide to be a little bold and I run my hand down her body, liftin' the bottom of the nightie. Her breathin' increases as I brush my fingertips over her hip and then to her belly. I don't brush too lightly or she'd be screamin' about the tickles.

She doesn't say nothin' as my hand inches lower towards her pubes, I nibble on her ear lobe as I keep creepin' lower. Mmmm, I wanna go down on her so, so bad, but I know this is probably all she's gonna let me do. I guess I should kinda feel used, because she'll probably just sleep once she gets off, but I deserve this. I guess this _was_ the punishment she was talkin' about, and besides, if this is punishment then I can live with it.

She's not wearin' panties, she better have a tampon on. I think some fucked up shit, yeah, no lie.

I decide not to tease, 'cause while I love to tease sometimes, I really would like to keep my arm, so I go straight for the clit, she's kinda moist down there. I wonder how that's possible. I guess she's been really freakin' horny all day.

Time to make things right. I swirl my finger gently around her clit, she groans and realizes that she could be real fuckin' loud in no time flat. She brings her hand up to her mouth and muffles her groans.

I lick and nibble at the side of her neck. Mmmm, her skin tastes so good. She turns her head around and captures my lips in a hot kiss. God, I missed her kisses, so fuckin' much. Our tongues duel with each other and she's moanin' and sighin'. She holds my lips in place with her hand on the back of my head.

I wish I could dip my finger down lower and go inside, but I'd be fightin' with the tampon, and that might ick her out.

Her hips are rockin' back and forth and I don't think it's gonna take her long to find her release. I take my mouth away and whisper hotly next to her ear.

"Shhh, you can't be loud when you come, baby. You gotta be quiet." I know sayin' that is gonna make it so much better for her, she already feels naughty for doin' it in my Aunt's house with family all sleepin' in the rooms around us, and it's durin' her period which was usually totally off limits. She probably feels like a real bad girl.

She tries to turn all the way around but I keep her in place, she gets the upper part of her body turned slightly. Which is nice 'cause I can lower my head and nibble at her hard nipple. She puts the back of her hand over her mouth to stifle the gasp.

Before she comes I lift my mouth to her ear again.

"Oh, god, baby, you look so nasty, all sexy in that nightie. So hot and wantin' to come." I whisper. "Do you wanna come, B?"

She nods her head.

"Yeah, 'course ya do. When we get back home I'm gonna fuck ya proper. Suck that little pussy until you're beggin' me to stop."

She lets out a strangled moan. I might have to have her bite on a pillow. Heh. Like she was doin' the other night with the dong.

I also think about the night when I put her on the counter and wouldn't let her get down, till she got off. Heh.

"Remember when I put you on the counter and ate you out, sweetheart?" She nods again, she probably hardly knows anything I'm sayin' but it seems to be rampin' her up so I keep goin'. "You tasted sooooo good! Mmmm, better than the dessert you brought home, so creamy and hot, I wanted to eat you all night, girl. I love you so much, Buffy. Come for me."

I push down on her clit and jerk it more forcefully. She's been gaspin' and moanin' in desperation, I hope she's not so hot that she can't come or somethin'. Finally, her body goes completely stiff and then convulses and shudders violently. She's about to scream when I lift her slightly and get the arm that's been down between us and cup my hand over her mouth. I shove my fingers in and she sucks like they're holdin' the only water left on the planet.

She's thrashin' back against me and from side to side. I hold on and wait for her spasms to subside. I take my fingers out of her mouth.

"All better, baby?"

She whispers. "Oh, god, allllll fuckin' kindsa better, Faith. All better!" She says all breathy and relieved.

"Good," I place kisses on her collar bone and then gently push her onto her back. "We're gonna do this one slow."

I take off my panties and get on top of her.

She's still recoverin' a bit and she gasps out. "Wait, wait, Faith."

"What? You don't want more?"

"Oh, no, I mean, YES I want a whole lot more. But this bed creaks a little. I don't think we can do that."

I get off of her and go to Ashleigh's closet and get the sleepin' bag that I see on the top shelf. In two seconds I have it unrolled, unzipped and on the floor, then I take the comforter, top sheet and pillows and put them down on the floor, too. Next, I make sure the door is locked. Fuck, no lock on the door, I guess that's what you have to do with a teenager these days. I wedge the chair under the door.

Buffy looks at me with a smile. I pick her up from the bed and lay her down on the makeshift bed on the floor.

"Mmmm, this might be fun, we haven't fucked on the floor in a while." I get on top of her and reach down to hold her pussy lips open as I get my clit in position.

"Oh, Faith, it's too good." Buffy whispers loudly as I find my rhythm.

We spend twenty minutes grindin' against each other until we can't take it any more. I pick up the pace and finally we're bangin' into each other seekin' release, Buffy's got her hand over her mouth and I've got almost her whole tit in my mouth to stop the noises.

I reach down between us and press my fingers on her clit and that's it, she's comin' really hard. That sends my mind somewhere else, and I can only hope I'm not shoutin'.

Damn, I love slow fucks that turn out fast and furious.

We're both recoverin' on the floor still and B's whisperin' in my ear, I hear things like, 'love', 'can't believe it's that good during my period', 'we should get back in bed', 'having such a good time', and 'if you ever do something like that again, I'll punch your lights out.'. Yep, all lovin' and scary, two things I'm gettin' used to. Well, before Buffy and I got together, I always had the scary, I'm still gettin' used to the lovin'.

I finally get my wits about me and pick her and the other stuff up from the floor, I get her all situated and the blankets all tucked around her and take the chair from under the knob on the door. Then I snuggle back into bed.

Buffy's so happy and relaxed and I'm so god damn relieved. She drapes herself over me as I lay on my back. It's kinda chilly in here now that we've stopped fuckin'. I pull the comforter over us a little more and we make out under the covers for a while. Buffy finally lets out a tired but happy sigh and yawns.

"Goodnight, B. Thanks." I give her a kiss on the cheek.

"For what?"

"For not endin' me today."

She laughs, "You're welcome, sweetheart. Thank _you_."

"For nothin'?"

"For not letting it fester and for apologizing."

"Anytime."

"Well, there better not be a next time for a while, I can't stand when we fight."

"Me neither, _believe_ me."

We snuggle into each other and I can tell she's just drifted off to sleep. I look over at the clock. 11:11pm? Shit, I haven't gone to bed that early in ages.

I guess I do need to get up early. I let my mind relax and soon I'm ridin' the dreamwaves with my baby.

"Goddamn, that was good, Faith!" Aunt Dee says. "We should keep you two forever, I'd never have to cook again."

Me and B laugh.

"Deborah, I don't want to be a nooge, but do you have to use that language _all_ the time?"

"What, 'Goddamn'?"

Gee Gee sighs and throws her hands up in defeat, "I raised animals."

Buffy looks nervous, but me and the rest of the nuts laugh.

"Yep, Gee, you shoulda just bought a barn."

Gee Gee smirks at me. "Sometimes, I think back to the old country, we had a farm there, I had a goat named Deborah, and a chicken named Faith."

Aunt Dee's two younger girls are laughin' at us and B's crackin' a smile.

"Yeah, and two pigs named Jules and Ashleigh."

Julia goes to say somethin' but I quirk my eyebrow, I think she can see I'm gonna bring out the 'trump card' or as I like to call it, the 'dump card' and remind everyone that she used to go number two behind the furnace when she was a kid.

Whatever she was gonna say dies on her lips.

Ashleigh's not as smart though, "At least we don't lay eggs!" She's never been good at comebacks.

"Yeah Ash, but you _do_ lay sulfurous stink bombs, ya lousy farter."

"Ok, enough," Gee Gee puts up her hands. "I only have _maybe_ a few more years to live, I'd rather not spend it listening to nonsense."

Ashleigh sticks her tongue out at me. Her mom swats her one, "Yeah, real mature, Ash."

Leah comes upstairs with Joey, "All fed and washed and changed. Now, let's watch him tear up the living room!"

"Leah, move the coffee table and put down the mat, let him move around a bit. You're always carryin' him around, his arms and legs are gonna atrophy."

"Yes, your bossiness."

Leah does as her mom says, and me and Buffy go to help with the dishes. We don't wanna be slugs and leave it for Aunt Dee.

"Girls, stop! Don't you dare touch another dish!" Aunt Dee yells and she snaps her fingers, "Ashleigh, Julia, up now and do those dishes, you don't live here for free you know."

"Ya hear that Gee Gee?!" Jules says. "Ma says ya don't live here for free and ya gotta get up and do the dishes. Didn't this used to be your house? Is that how you raised her?" She's a comedian, like her dad. Aunt Dee swats the back of her head, lightly. "Ow, and now she's beatin' on me, you see that Gee Gee? Can we throw her out or somethin'?"

"You get up and do those dishes or you're gonna have to use a straw to drink your lunch."

"Such an abuser." Jules rubs at the back of her head but goes and does as she's told. "Ashleigh, I'm washin' you're dryin', I don't need to be dryin' dishes with caked on egg and tomato."

We laugh 'cause they sound just like their mother when they bitch at each other. It's funny but Jules is the youngest and she bosses Ashleigh around. I'd tie her to a chair for a day, that would teach her who's boss.

Buffy goes and sits on the floor of the living room and plays with Joey. I sit at the table and Gee Gee takes my hand.

"She's good with kids that one," She nods her head towards Buffy and asks, "You'll have children?"

"Uhhh, yeah, some day."

"Faith'll be the dad, ain't no way she's gonna wanna be pregnant."

Can't be pregnant is more like it but I don't say nothin', I just laugh at Leah and pop her the finger, without Gee Gee seein' of course.

Buffy looks a little nervous, damn I don't need another skittish B today.

"You still have problems with your uterus?" Gee Gee asks.

See, I was born with only one workin' ovary, kinda weird because I always thought a potential slayer was born with every advantage, I'm since learnin' that that ain't the case at all. Musta been a side affect of some fucked up drugs my ma got a hold of. Anyway, then B stabbed me back in Sunnydale and damaged the other one, the docs did some of their own damage because they didn't repair it properly and that was that. No babies for Faith.

Least, not the ones that I'll be havin'. I can still have my own kids through Buffy though, like Leah said, I'll just have to be the dad.

Not like that's comfortin' to Buffy, she's still really guilty over all that. Even though I've told her more than a dozen times it doesn't matter to me. It's fate. Can't fuck with fate.

"Yeah," I trail off 'cause Buffy's got her head slightly down. I try to catch her eye to tell her it's alright. She's not lookin' my way though. "It's no big deal, Gee. I got a great woman and my family back. Don't need everything. 'Sides, not havin' a period? Priceless, lemme tell ya."

"Lucky!!" Ashleigh yells.

"Hush up, it's not lucky that she can't have a period. She'll never have kids, Ash. You're so dumb." Jules says as she hands Ashleigh a glass to dry. They have a dishwasher, but Aunt Dee doesn't trust it to get all the dishes clean.

"How about you honey?" Aunt Dee looks at Buffy.

"Oh, her ovaries fire with both barrels." I smile. Buffy glares, she thinks I'm gonna say somethin' about her bein' on the rag right now. Which I was, but I don't have anything that wouldn't gross them all out and get me smacked by my grandmother.

"So, you'll just have the babies." Gee Gee smiles at B.

"Yeah," She's still a bit nervous. "I'd love to have at least two or three."

Hmmm, really? We haven't actually talked about all that yet. Weird, I know.

"Hey, where's Kara?" I haven't seen her since we finished breakfast.

"She went with Dad, they go help out at the bakery on Sundays." Leah says.

"Like Uncle Jimmy needs more jobs." I chuckle. That dude has his own landscapin' business, he does some carpentry on the side, and then helps out his Dad and Uncle with their bakery.

"He got tree jobs, mon!" Julia does that joke from In Living Color, that's fuckin' funny!

Everyone laughs and B looks more comfortable.

Later, she goes up to the room we're stayin' in and I follow her.

She's at the window lookin' out into the backyard. I can tell she feels me come in, even if she couldn't hear the door squeak, Uncle Jimmy needs to do some handy man stuff with that, I go to her at the window.

"We haven't really talked about how many kids we want. I said that because it just popped into my head."

I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Sounds good to me, B. The more the merrier."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not? You're havin' 'em. I just have to help make 'em." I chuckle.

"Such a guy."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm sorry, Faith." Buffy says softly.

"For the guy stuff? You say that kinda shit all the time, and I know I act that way, so no sorries, B."

"No, not for that. You know."

"Yeah, I do know, and we've been over that a dozen times. I've made my peace with it, I hope you can, too. Eventually. And by eventually I mean right freakin' now."

She lets out a short laugh and goes quiet again.

I move her hair away from her neck and leave a sweet kiss on it before sayin' sincere as I can, "Buffy, you've given me so much more. So much I never thought I would have, so don't think you've stolen anything from me. 'Sides, I was the one who made you do it."

"You didn't _make_ me do anything, Faith. I didn't have to stab you with your own knife."

"No, you're right, you didn't," I wait for a moment. "You could have used the one I just cut the cheese with."

Heh. Cut the cheese.

"I'm surprised you didn't laugh at the euphemism for farts you just said."

"'Cause I'm all grown up now." I hold my breath, I really wanna laugh.

"Yeah, grown up," She scoffs. "That's why I still have to pick up after you in the bathroom and hide sugar from you."

"Those are called quirks. And you love all my quirks." I rub my crotch into her ass.

"Yeah, I do." She turns around in my arms. "So, so much."

We kiss sweetly and I expect the Dawson's Creek music to start playin'. We're so Pacey and Dawson. Or is that Joey and Dawson? I don't freakin' know. I only watched it when Buffy would invite me over to her house in the 'Dale. Didn't really pay much attention to it, I was usually just starin' at her. Without actually starin'. She probably thought I loved ignorin' her back then. It was far from the truth though. I was all covert about it though, didn't wanna be seen as some creepy starer.

I hug her closely when our kiss breaks and sigh a contented sigh. She whispers her love in my ear. I give it right back.

We're gonna be ok. At least for today. Whatever tomorrow brings, well, we'll deal with then.

Together.

"Heya, Fran, how's it goin'?"

Francie looks like a cornered bear, I think she might lash out with a fist or two, so I back up.

Uncle John came for dinner, just like Gee Gee had said. He brought Francie and after we ate me and Francie came out on the back porch. It's so freakin' cold out here, though. I forgot how cold it got up here.

Looks like Francie could care less about the cold. She's just wonderin' what that feelin' is, thinkin' maybe I might be a vamp or somethin'.

"Uhhh, it's goin' ok. I guess."

"You feelin' ok?"

"Kinda, yeah. Uhhhh. Sorta."

I chuckle, "That sounds ok to me."

"Hey, I know Gee Gee and my Dad are scared about me and all but I'm ok. I'm not gonna go psycho, or somethin'."

"Yeah, I know. But do you know what you are?"

She shrugs, "Kids at school say I'm a freak, some say I'm a dyke. I like guys though, so they're just talkin' outta their ass."

"Would it matter if ya did like girls?"

"Nah, Leah and you do, so it must be alright." She smiles at me. "I'm glad you're back, Faith. We all missed ya around here."

"You were like six when I left, how did you miss me?"

"Think back to when you were six, do you remember people and places from that time?"

I think a moment.

"Fuck, yeah I do." I realize I've been cursin' like a sailor around her. "Sorry, for the language."

"Everyone swears around here, they all try and make out like they don't. Even Gee Gee. She does it in Italian though, only Uncle Jimmy and me get it. Aunt Dee plays dumb because she's afraid of Gee Gee."

I laugh. "You're right!" I look at her in amazement. "You're a smart girl you know that?"

"Yeah, get A's and B's in school."

"Yeah? That's awesome. What's your favorite subject?"

"History," Perfect, Giles will love her. "I do well in math, too. I'd love to work in computers some day." Oh my God, Will'll have fits of joy when I tell her.

"You ever think of goin' away to school?"

"Where like boardin' school?"

"Yeah,"

"Nah, we couldn't afford it, and who would be there for my Dad?"

"Your Dad could probably go with ya, if you'd both like that. He could maybe get a job and an apartment down there."

"I don't know, I never thought about it before. Why're you askin'?"

"'Cause I know a school, full of girls exactly like yourself, that study and train together and stuff."

"Train?"

"To fight the things you've been seein' in your dreams."

"How, do you know about those." She says too quickly to censor herself. "I mean, what dreams?"

"The ones with the ugly guys who chase you. You know, the ones where when you take their heads off they go poof?"

She doesn't say nothin'. She sighs and goes and sits on the steps.

"So, you know?"

"Yeah, I more than know. I'm the same way."

"A lesbian?"

"What? No, I mean yeah, but no. But wait, yeah, huh?" What are we talkin' about again?

She cracks up. "You sound like that dude who plays that girl on the show my Dad loves to watch, 'Yeah, but no, but yeah, but no."

"Oh," I laugh. "I love that show, Little England or somethin'."

"I think it's Britain."

"Britain what?"

"Little Britain."

"Oh, yeah right. Hey! There's a guy on there that looks exactly like this guy I know who runs the school I was talkin' about."

"Really, which guy? The one who likes to perv on the other guy's grandmother?"

"Oh my god!! I forgot about that one, ewwww that was all kindsa nasty."

"Can you imagine someone doin' that to Gee Gee?"

"What like helpin' her to the bathroom and feelin' up her boobs?"

"Ew, that's just so wrong!"

"Yeah, she'd fuckin' stab 'em in their eye."

Francie laughs until I fear that she might die from not takin' a breath.

"Oh, wow, Faith. I haven't laughed that much in months. Thanks."

"No problem." I get a huge smile on my face and feel kinda proud of myself. "Like I said, there's this guy that has this school near where I live in New York. We have a good friend who teaches there, and me and Buffy teach a few martial arts and yoga and tai chi classes a week."

"Really? I didn't know you could teach."

"It's a special school."

"Oh," She sounds disappointed. "Special, ok." Fuck, she looks like she did when she first came in, not the bright faced girl who was laughin' about their Gee Gee bein' groped by a perv, I saw a minute ago.

"No, Fran. It's special, not Speshul." She laughs at the voice I made at the end there.

"So, how do you know about the dreams I have? We were gettin' to that before you went all 'who's on first' on me."

Shit, they say Leah's my little shadow, no fuckin' way, it's Francie here, she's my fuckin' twin. 'Cept for the math stuff, never was one for math.

After I stop laughin' I explain that I had the same kinda dreams, and that I know about the creatures that walk the streets at night. Then I go pick the picnic table up and hold it above my head with one arm, like I'm a waitress carryin' a tray.

She looks like a load was lifted off her shoulders.

"This school, how soon can I see about goin'?"

"Well, when is your spring break?"

"In about a month, you think I could transfer then?"

"We'll have to talk to your Dad about it, but I'm sure he'll be ok with it. Me and B can see about an apartment for him."

"I'm not sure if he'd want to live down there, he'd miss Gee Gee and all these other freaks too much. 'Sides, I think it'd be kinda cool if I got to go visit him on the weekends. Kinda be like Holden Caufield, but less with the apathy and angst."

Oh, Will's gonna LOVE her, maybe kick Kennedy out. I gotta call her ASAP. Not that I want my 15 year old straight niece to be living with a 30 year old Wicca or somethin' but ya never know, all in due time. I'm kiddin'.

She's gonna have a blast at the school.

"Where would I stay?"

"They have a dorm area, it's a pretty sweet place, right in mid town Manhattan, you'll have the time of your life. Jules and Ash will be so jealous."

"Hey, where's Franny?" I hear Ash call out.

"Out here!" She yells. God, she might be all mousy and quiet but she's got a fuckin' set of pipes on her when she wants to. I guess she's feelin' better about herself.

"Hey, we're goin' to the mall, you wanna come with?"

"Yeah, in a minute. Tell my dad you need 20 for a new back pack and we'll get some rag mags and candy and junk."

"You guys are bad." I take some money out of my pocket. "Here don't bother Uncle John about that, you can have 20 each. And don't buy so much junk, spend it wisely."

"Yeah, Ash, put it in that money market fund we were talkin' about earlier." Damn, everyone in this family is either gay or a fuckin' smart ass.

Ashleigh looks puzzled.

"What market?"

"So, so, smart." Francie pats her cousin's hand. Ashleigh rips it away because she just got made fun of.

"Why do I ask you to go anywhere? You've been a bitch forever and now when you come out of your funk you make fun of me."

"Hey, Ash." Francie calls for her before she reaches the back door. "I'm sorry, I was just messin'. Don't be mad, I'll buy you an ice cream."

"You better, creep."

"I'll be right in."

"Kay." Ashleigh huffs her way back inside.

"Thanks so much, Faith. It really takes a load off my mind. I feel like a new girl." She laughs.

"I'm glad. I'll talk to my friend Willow, she helps run the school. Then I'll talk to you and your Dad."

I would take her out on patrol here tonight, but God forbid something happened, she's not ready yet.

I go back inside with her and Buffy comes up to me. "Everything set?"

"Almost, just gotta call Will and then talk to Uncle John."

"Great."

"I know, it's fuckin' awesome."

"You going to the mall with the girls?"

"I wasn't plannin' on it, why you wanna go?"

"Not really, I thought we might, uhhhh." She looks embarrassedly around the kitchen.

"Uhhhhh?" Uhhhh...OH YEAH! Shit, she got a taste, of 'period/gotta be quiet' sex and now she's a junky.

"Do you think we can?"

"Well, I don't know if it would be right sneakin' off to have hot sex in my Aunt's house." B's face falls. "But I'll see what I can do." I wink at her.

We could have a quickie in the closet. That would be pretty sweet.

God Damn, I love B's period now!!

Heh.


	16. Can This Be The End, My Friend?

"Hey, Will, how goes it?"

"Faith! It goes ok. I'm so glad you called! How's Buffy? When she left here on Friday, Giles wasn't so pleased, he came back with a door knob in his hand and a very red face. Is she ok?"

"Yeah, she was mad at me, that's why she was so pissed off then. We're cool now though."

"Good, I hate when you two fight! God, I'm still trying to get over the last time."

She means when B busted my jaw. I rub at it without realizin' what I'm doin'.

"I hate it too, lemme tell ya. Doesn't stop me from bein' a fuck up though."

"You're human, Faith. We all make mistakes."

"I know, Will. And I'm learnin'."

"That's the main thing, it's that you learn from your mistakes and move on. So, how's it going with the family? How's your grandmother?"

"She's great, and everything's goin' great."

"Great!" Will laughs, she couldn't resist.

"B's out at the mall with a bunch of my cousin's and my Aunt."

Buffy said she didn't wanna go, but my cousins have a way of shoutin' you down. More like shreikin', really. I wanted to stay and chill out with my grandma, and I said I'd watch Joey so Leah and Kara could have a nice night out. My Uncle Jim and Uncle John went out on their own, probably to a pub to watch some hockey and talk like men. Heh.

"Ohhh, did you take away her credit card? I mean, she's liable to buy more shoes!! She's only got two feet! How could a person with two tiny feet need so many shoes, Faith?!"

Will's fuckin' with me because me and B fought over that once. I mean don't get me wrong, I act all guyish sometimes, but I'm still a fuckin' hot babe and I can wear some kick ass clothes and shoes like nobody's business. Especially now that we're in NY, it's just so temptin' there. But shit, B was buyin' like three pairs of shoes a week. I had to put my foot down. She's no longer allowed to pass by the Christian Louboutin store unless she crosses to the opposite side of the street. Really though, I'm no tyrant, I mean shit, I love to spoil her and I told her she could get a pair. But then, she became like a junky and was spendin' mad cash on those babies.

"Shut up, Will. She's goin' to the mall, the most she could do is get maybe 3 pairs of Clark's for 150, not plunk down 3k. A hundred and fifty I could live with."

"Clark's? You're such a meany. Hey, I just noticed, no swearing in that sentence! Has someone removed your swearing bone?"

Freakin' comedian she is.

"I have my little cousin once removed in front of me, he and me are hangin'. I'm not gonna be the one to corrupt him." He looks at me and smiles a big four toothed grin. "That's right baby, I'm talkin' about you Joey, yes I am, you handsome devil you, yes you are!"

"OH. MY. GOD!! I can die in peace now." Did I say she was a smartass yet? No? Well she fuckin' is! "I have NEVER heard anything cuter, Faith!!"

"Will, you're gettin' on my last nerve." I say in the baby speak I was just talkin' to Joey with. "Yes, you are, yes. Uh huh, you are!!"

She laughs.

"Sorry, Faith, but that really is too cute. I can't wait until you and Buffy have a few little tykes running around."

"That's one of the things I called about, Will."

"Faith, if you tell me you or Buffy is pregnant I will pass right out!!"

"How would we do that without your help, Will? Unless... NO! No Will!! You don't...you don't think Buffy cheated do you?"

I fuck with her right back and sound all dramatic like a soap opera chick.

"What?! NO!! Faith, you stop that right now, what proof do you have?!"

"Calm your jets, Willow. I'm just messin' with you." Joey laughs at me and I go into the baby speak thing again. "Yes, I am, aren't I Joe? I'm messin' with Silly Willy, yes I am!"

I can hear her sigh, "You should record that, it's soooo darn cute!" She remembers I called for a reason. "Oh, so, your question."

"Yeah, let's just say _hypothetically_, I had a friend who uhh, couldn't have babies, but she wanted to 'father' a child with another woman, would it work?"

"Hmmm, that would be tricky." Shit, I thought so. "First, she'd have to know a really cute, and powerful witch."

I smirk at her through the phone, "Let's say she knows this cute and powerful witch who was a couple a days away from having a piano fall on her _mysteriously_, but today she asks her about this important thing she wants to know."

"Hey, don't kid, did you see that thing on the news about the crane falling? That's no joke, Faith."

"Yeah, I saw that. Anything blip on the radar?"

"The mystical one?"

"No, the gay one!" I roll my eyes at her through the phone.

"You don't have to be all testy about it, missy. I was merely trying to clarify which radar." She gets all huffy.

I sigh and take a moment to regroup.

"I sincerely apologize, Will. I'd appreciate your help with my question." Sometime before Buffy and my family get back from the mall, or Joseph graduates high school, I think.

"Alright then, that's better." I can almost hear her lift her chin in defiance. "Well, there _is_ a spell that can be done for what you ask. But it involves a penis."

Come again?

"Say what?" I shake a rattle out for Joey to take and grasps it in his pudgy baby hand and immediately shoves it in his mouth.

He's so freakin' cute!

"Well, there are two types of spells, one that's used by women only, it takes the essence of one woman and channels it through the ovaries, then sends it into the other woman. That's the method most likely to bring about the birth of a girl. Although from what I read in the scrolls, there were boys being born, too, it was just like a 3 to 1 ratio."

"Oh. And what's the other spell do?"

"Well, that one is interesting because it can be used by both men and women."

"The one with the...thingy." I don't wanna say penis in front of Joey, in case he chooses now to learn his first word. You tell me how I'd explain that one to Buffy, Aunt Dee, Leah and Gee Gee?

"Women that have no ovaries, or men that have no testicles or penis, or are infertile use it. The guys would just be energized, like the best Viagra they ever had."

"And the women?"

"They would sort of grow a sort of... appendage."

"A _sort_ of appendage, huh?"

"Yeah, a penis, they'd grow a penis."

"Woah, that's freaky, Will! How long would it last?"

"I'm not too sure on that, my guess is until they achieve pregnancy. I've read that the growing period is not so pleasant. So I doubt they'd want to go through that part more than they really have to. I hope the Powers aren't that mean."

"We'll see."

"Why the baby questions, Faith? You saw your little cousin there and it made you want to get started right away?"

"Not right away, but I want to be prepared."

"So, your friend doesn't want to be prepared, but you do?"

"Ok, Will, I'm busted."

"I kinda figured that out on my own. So, when you get back here, I'm gonna know all about why you can't have kids, huh?"

"How do you know it's me and not Buffy?"

"I know when she has her period, like two days ago."

"Ew, that's kinda gross, Will." I pick up Joey and put him on my knee. "You wanna bouncy?! We'll do bouncies!!"

She sighs, "I'll never get tired of that, Faith. Never."

"Stop bein' such a smarty pants, Will."

"Ha, 'smarty pants'! That's great!"

"Hey, I have one other item of business."

"I'm all ears." Willow says earnestly.

"I wanna enroll a slayer in the school."

"Oooh, someone you found on your way to Boston?"

"No, she's my cousin, Francine."

"You're gonna have to draw me a family tree. This is not the one with the baby, right?"

"No, that's my Aunt Dee and Uncle Jimmy's daughter, Leah. This one would be my Uncle John's daughter."

"Did she not have a mother?"

"Well, she did, but I don't like to talk about her." She's a fuckin' cunt and I hate usin' that word anymore but she just pisses me off, no end. I didn't tell the half of what she did. Not only did she cheat on Uncle John but she took him for every penny in the divorce, she accused him of rapin' her and beatin' them both. It was all a bunch of shit. She's a disgrace to the people who actually need battered women protection. She eventually lost custody of Francie, 'cause the system got wise to her shit, which is totally awesome. There is some justice in this world.

"That's too bad, because I know that means that Francie's had a tough life."

"She's real grounded though, Will. She's nothin' like I was when I came out to Sunnydale. I mean, she's sorta like I was, except less with the crazy and scary."

"Good, I like my face the way it is, thank you very much."

Shit, I hate that I hit Will, fucked with Xander and betrayed Buffy. I wish I could take it all back, but I'm tryin' to at least make up for some of it.

"Sorry about that all, Will."

"I know, I was just funnin' around. So, your cousin's a slayer, huh?"

"Yeah, my grandma said she was called about three months ago."

"Your grandma knows about slayers?"

"Mmm hmm. I'll let you in on that when we get back. But see if you can find anything about a Sicilian slayer, she would be from Palermo, born about 1939."

"Sure."

"Anyway, Francie, she's got the gift as my Gee Gee calls it, she loves history and math and wants to work in computers someday."

Willow squeals. "Oh, Faith, she's gonna fit in here so well!!"

"I'm guessin' her app's accepted then?"

"Yeah, like I'd keep the cousin of one of the best slayers of all time out. Besides, she sounds like she's a smart girl."

"She is, but I warn you. She's a Fitzpatrick, and they're also smart asses," Joey quirks an eyebrow at me, I grimace at him and shake my head 'no', I didn't say that bad word. "Uhhh, so you'll have your hands full."

"Yeah, the Lehane's can be smartasses, too. Or so I've heard."

"Nah, mostly they're deadbeats. I wish my mother never put that last name on my birth certificate."

"Faith, don't think like that. Yes, your father is a jerk, yes. But that doesn't mean that you can't make a name for yourself, using your own name of course."

Will cracks me up, she's always backtrackin' and explainin'. Her mouth gets ahead of her brain. Which is pretty scary 'cause her brain goes a mile a minute.

"So, you'll work out all the arrangements? I'd like to have everything finalized if we can, by the end of her spring break next month."

"That's perfect!"

"Awesome, now let me get back to this little man. He's about to eat my fist."

"Awwww, take pictures!! And video, I want to see Faith in action."

"Will, that's really kinky of you, you really wanna see your best friend in 'action', alllllriiiiight, if you saaaaay so."

She laughs. "That's not what I meant and you know it. Cute babytalker!"

"Cute witch!" I throw her off.

"Yeah, I am a heck of a cute witch. Aren't I?"

I hear her kiss someone and whisper a hello. I cringe.

"Kennedy just come home from patrol?"

"Uhhh no."

"Huh?"

"No, I'll tell you everything when you get back. Are you coming home tomorrow?"

I'm momentarily stunned, what could 'everything' mean?

"Yes, we're leavin' here about 10:30 or 11:00, that way we beat the rush hours in Boston and in NY."

"Cool, so plan-y. Well, you have fun with your little man there. I'll take care of everything on this end."

"Will, you can't leave me freakin' hangin' here!"

"Faith, language!!"

"Sorry, but ya gotta give me somethin'."

"Ok, I'm not going into detail, but Ken moved out Friday night."

"Why did she leave, I thought it was her place?"

"You did, why?"

"I thought she was a rich NY bitc...er girl, I just assumed the place was in her family."

"Nope, it's a gift from Ira and Sheila, actually from my Gramma Bubi."

Bubi, heh.

"Bubi, huh?" I say with a grin.

"Yeah, she had loads of cash and this huge apartment. She loved that I was able to use it."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear about that with Ken and all." I'm really not all that sorry, but I am for Willow's sake, she's too nice of a girl to be with someone that's messed up like that.

"It was inevitable, and for the best really. But like I said, I'll fill you in when you come back. And Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell, Buffy yet. She'd think all sorts of things and probably be bitchier than usual with her period."

I laugh, "You've got no idea how I'm helpin' her with the bitchy."

"Oh, you've _gotta_ tell when you're back here."

"Good, we'll go for coffee when I get back, just you and me."

"Kay."

"Why do you keep callin' me Kay, my name is Faith!"

"Kay."

Smart ass!!

We say our goodbyes and I get down on the floor with Joey. He's really such a sweet boy, so fun and handsome. I'm fallin' in love with him and kids in general more and more each day.

I just hope B doesn't mind that I have to grow a third leg, 'cause if Will's able too, I want a huge sausage of a dick hangin' between my legs.

I'm a smart ass. Ask me how.

When they come back I'm layin' on the floor with Joey on my chest. He fell asleep here and I didn't wanna wake him. I was just strokin' his back and whisperin' stories to him. I'm not asleep, but they think I am.

"Awwww, look at that, go get the camera!" Aunt Dee whispers.

"Dee, if you're any louder you'll wake him up." I whisper back.

"Oh shit, she's awake!"

"Can we take the picture anyway? That's so cute!!" Buffy chimes in.

"Yeah, Ash, go get my camera!!"

I stay where I am until they take the picture, then Leah gently lifts him off me and starts to take him downstairs to his crib, I stop her and give him a soft kiss on the head. He was a really good boy for his cousin Faith.

"Did you help your grandmother upstairs to bed?"

"Nah, I let her go by herself, she only fell back down twice."

Aunt Dee swats at me.

"Hey! I'm not one of your kids, you can't abuse me!"

Buffy comes up beside me and swats my arm. Damn, she's on my Aunt's side, I pout.

"Awwww, look at the little pout. Ash, take a picture!"

I grin hugely as she takes the picture, B's got her head on my shoulder, that's gonna be a good one.

"So, did you guys have fun?"

"We had a great time!" Ashleigh squeals and Jules and Francie nod. "Buffy bought us each an ice cream, and we got to ride the ponies!"

Julia nudges her sister in the side. "Duh. She bought us each a cute top, from this really cool place." She hugs Buffy.

"B, you don't have to try to win them over. When we leave here tomorrow I was gonna pretend they didn't exist again."

Oh shit, they all look like I just told them I killed their favorite pet. Why do I gotta say stupid shit to ruin things?"

"You shouldn't joke like that, Faith. I may not be as strong as you, but I'll go down fightin'!"

"Sorry, Aunt Dee. I'm a dummy, don't listen to me. 'Course I'm gonna keep in touch! Hey, speakin' of that, Francie's gonna be goin' to school near us."

Francie's face lights up and she starts jumpin' around.

"I can go?! I CAN GO!!"

"Just gotta clear it with your Pops."

"Oh, Faith! Thanks so much!!"

"She's so lucky, I wanna go away to a school in NY" Ashleigh pouts.

"With your grades?" My Aunt says. "My arm wouldn't be able to reach far enough to swat ya."

"Have you ever thought that maybe your hittin' me is the reason I'm dumb."

"You're not dumb, you just don't apply yourself, besides I've been hittin' your father for twenty years...good point."

Everyone laughs.

Buffy rubs my arm, I guess she's feelin' guilty about all the hits. And she's feelin' maybe a little, ya know.

"Ok, girls, school tomorrow, get up there and get ready for bed!" Ashleigh and Julia say their goodbyes, they have to be up really early in the morning and they might not see us so they promise us to come back soon. I tell them they can come down when Francie does, if Uncle John lets her, and they can help her get settled in.

That gets them all squealy and clingy. After a few more minutes Aunt Dee gives them the look and they try to beat each other up the steps.

Dee goes to the bottom of the steps and whispers loudly, "Your grandmother is sleepin', don't make me come up there!"

Me and B take Francie home, we called Uncle John and told him we would.

On the way there, I tell Francie that Buffy's also a slayer.

"How can she be, she's too small and cutesie lookin'."

"Hey! You don't have to be tough looking to be a slayer, besides, I look stylish."

I put my hand on her leg. "Cutesie lookin' is good enough for me."

When we get out to get Francie inside, a couple that looked like they were goin' on a moonlit stroll suddenly vamps out at us.

Francie seems like she roots to the spot. Buffy goes into defend mode, I toss her a stake and run to Francie's side. I throw an arm over her, but make sure she's watchin'.

"Have you two been together long?" Oh, goody! She's gonna fuck with 'em.

"Long enough to know you're gonna die, little girl."

Buffy puts her hand on her hip. "Now that's rude, I don't make fun of your ugly face, you don't have to make fun of my height." She looks like she's checkin' her nails and the woman vamp thinks she's slick and tries to sneak up on her.

In one quick motion, so quick if you blinked you wouldn't have seen it, Buffy spins and dusts the woman.

"Hey!! Nancy!!" The dude gets really pissed and launches himself at B, she rounds off a kick right to his sternum and he falls back. Instead of bein' smart and runnin' he gets up and tries to attack her again. He lunges again and this time she picks him up over her head.

"Any requests?" She looks over at us.

"You could toss him up then dust him before he hits the ground. I always like that one." I say with a wink.

B looks at Francie who's noddin' like a loon, "What Faith said!!"

She does exactly what I said and then shakes her head of the vamp dust that rains down.

"Darn, I always forget to move out of the way."

Francie's eyes are like saucers and her mouth is hung open.

"You ok, Fran?" I shake her a little.

"I'll never call you small again." She says in wonderment.

Buffy laughs, "That's ok, it's not like it's not true."

"But she's the best darn little slayer, ever!" I hold out my other hand to her and pull her in for a hug, then we make our way up the steps to the house, me with my girls on each arm.

Pretty sweet.

"Goodbye Aunt Dee, we'll see you in a few weeks. Thanks for everything, it was wonderful."

"Awwww, I'm gonna miss ya so much. Don't you dare not call me at least once a week! I'll sic Gee Gee on ya."

"Don't worry, if she doesn't call you, I'll get after her." Buffy hugs and kisses my Aunt.

"She'll call, she's a good girl." My grandmother puts her arms out and I step into her hug.

"Thanks for havin' my back, Gee Gee."

"I'll always have your back, mi dolce. Just don't make me look like a fool."

"Never, I'm not gonna pull that stunt again."

"Good."

We hug and kiss our goodbyes. I start to tear up.

"Don't cry, Faith. We'll see each other again soon."

"I know, it's just that, all that time..."

"Ah ah. That's in the past, leave it there. What matters now is this," She points to us and then makes a swirl around the room. "And what's in the future."

Joey claps his hands and squeals.

"He doesn't want to be left out of the hugs and kisses, dear boy."

I go to him and he holds his arms out. I take him out of Aunt Dee's hands.

"You're one lucky dude, you got all these women around who love ya. You're good lookin', eat what you want, when you wanna, sleep like a log, get someone to change you." I kiss the side of his head.

"That sounded like you were describing yourself." Buffy laughs.

"True, you _do_ have to change me sometimes."

Everyone laughs, and then we say our final goodbyes, until next time.

As we pull out from in front of the house, Buffy takes my hand in hers.

"I'm so glad we came, Faith. Thanks for sharing them with me."

"They love you, B. If something ever happened between us, you'd be their girl and I'd be cast out."

"I doubt that, your grandmother really loves you...your Aunt might be on my side though."

We laugh.

"So..."

"So?"

"What do you think of getting married in December?"

"Hmmmm, December's a nice month to get married in, not the traditional Summer months, but it can be a pretty sweet winter theme. 'Cept we ain't wearin' red and green, that would just be too, blech. And we'd have like almost two years to plan. I'd say it's an awesome idea."

B's quiet.

"Buffy?"

"I uhhh, I kinda meant this December."

"Oh,"

"Yeah," She sounds a little disappointed. "...oh..."

"Hey," I put my arm around her and pull her towards me. "Don't be like that," I kiss the side of her temple while I keep my eyes on the road. "Gimme time to process. I'm sure I'll love the idea in a few minutes. Damn, you're so impatient!!"

She laughs. "If I was so impatient, I would have jumped your bones last night in front of your whole family."

"You think I would have minded?" I lie, wouldn't want my Gee Gee seein' that! "But damn, that closet sex was somethin' else, huh?"

"I'm hooked!"

"Oh, yeah ya are!"

We crack up and sigh. It was a good fuckin' time. One for the memory books.

B takes my hand and tells me to pull over. Oh shit, what now?

I safely get us to the curb, put the car in park and try not to look scared.

"You know I love you, right?" Buffy looks into my eyes.

"Yes, and I love you." I say confidently.

"Good."

She takes my left hand and reaches into her jacket pocket. I see somethin' sparkle in her fingers.

I narrow my eyes in confusion.

"I always thought I would be the one to do this. I mean I know you're the 'guy' and all," She laughs and I glare at her. "But I'm the pushy one, and I just thought I'd be the one to do it. Then you beat me to the punch."

"Yeah, punch."

"Faith, don't think about that."

"I'm not, it was just a joke."

"Well stop."

"Stoppin'. Go ahead."

"So," She puts an almost identical ring that I bought her, 'cept this one has the blue sapphires instead of the pink, up to the end of my ring finger. "Faith, would you make me the happiest girl in the world and marry me in December?"

My heart clenches and I smile.

"Yes."

She gets a huge smile on her face and pushes the ring all the way on. I look down at the ring after it's on my finger.

Mr. Miagi's words come back to me, "Same, but different."

She leans in and gives me a loving kiss. "And I wouldn't have it any other way. By the way, Max says hi."

Heh, my Tiffany's buddy, sweet, I hope he gave her a good deal.

We kiss a little more then we get back on the road.

A thought occurs to me, "Hey, B. What did you talk with Gee Gee about?"

"A lady never tells a confidence."

Damn, I can't joke and say, 'Yeah, but ya ain't ladies, so spill.' 'Cause both of them are pretty much the classiest women I've ever been around. 'Cept for Mrs. S.

"Not even if I pull over and we have some 'behind the mailbox' sex?"

She looks at me with the 'Yeah right, now just drive' look.

I put my eyes back on the road and sigh.

We're back home and in bed, baskin' in the afterglow.

She really is insatiable now. I'm _so_ lovin' it, you have no idea. Still can't get her to let me go down on her, but it's only a matter of time.

My cellphone rings and I try to ignore it.

"It could be important."

"And this isn't?" I gesture to us and the bed.

"We're done here." She giggles.

"Oh, yeah? So, what, I gotta 'get gone' now?"

She pushes me towards the nightstand with my phone, "Yeah, get gone."

I glare at her and she sticks her tongue out.

"Tease." I say all bitter.

I miss the call, but can see that it was Xand.

Shit, B was right, it could be important. Buffy gets up and makes her way around the bed as I call the number back.

"Hey, X," B stops short on her way out the door. That's weird. "What's up?" I watch her leave like she's in trouble and now I'm intrigued.

"Faith, uhhh I know you just got back today, but uhhh do you think maybe you could come over here?"

"Uh, uh, Xand, I'm in enough shit for the other night. Seems like every time I go to your place I get in trouble."

"Hey, that wasn't my fault, you're the one who drank too much."

"You were givin' me the stuff!"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. So, did Buffy kill you then have Will bring you back to life?"

I laugh. Wait, I wonder what he knows.

"Nah, she wasn't mad at me at all. We were copacetic."

"Oh, really? Then why did she tear me a new one Friday morning?"

"She did, huh?"

"Oh, I guess I shouldn't have said anything."

Buffy slinks back in the room, I give her the 'yeah, this is about you, ya nasty yeller' look. She tries to look innocent.

"Nah, it's ok. We're cool. So what's so important? Andrew finally realized he can't live without the D & D guy anymore? He plannin' on hangin' himself with his monk outfit?"

"Please, Faith. It's not Andrew, just please, do you mind helping me out here?"

"I'll be right there." Sounds serious. "You want Buffy to come, too?"

"No!" He squeaks, then gets a hold of himself. "No, and it's not because she called me a one-eyed cretin, either." Oh, Buffy. I shake my head. "I just think you'd be the best person to help with this."

"Do I need to bring anything?" I sigh.

"Just yourself. Thanks Faith!"

"I'll be right over."

"Thanks!!"

"One eyed-cretin, huh?"

B looks hella guilty, "I uhhh, I was a little upset."

"So, I'm gatherin'. Anyone else I gotta smooth things over with?"

"About 50 people on the subway. But I didn't get all their names." She bites her bottom lip and looks away.

I laugh, "Lucy, you're too much." I give her the old Ricky Riccardo and pull her in for a kiss.

"Oh, Ricky!"

I make it to Xand's after a quick shower, didn't even wash my hair 'cause it's cold out and I wouldn't have had time to blow dry it. He called again and pleaded with me to hurry.

He opens the door quickly and ushers me in.

It's fuckin' freezin' in here, must be a window open. What the fuck's goin' on?

I look around his livin' room. It looks like a bomb went off. I can hear yellin' in his bedroom. Sounds like a hoarse woman.

"She came over about an hour and a half ago, said she wanted to talk."

I hear her yell, "You want my girl?! YOU WANT HER?! FUCK YOU!" And then I hear some breakin' glass. Kennedy?

"Why didn't you call the cops?"

"I don't want her to be arrested. She's drunk and really, really pissed off. I thought maybe she'd blow the whole slayer gig."

Smart, but damn. She really did some property damage in here. I make my way to Xander's bedroom. Tryin' not to step on the CD's, DVD's and various other stuff that was previously unbroken and now is strewn about the floor.

I whisper to him. "She got weapons?"

"Only a bottle of Southern Comfort."

Heh, she never could stomach Jack. Damn, this is no time to feel petty. I steel my nerves.

"You call Will at least?"

"No, I don't want her seeing her like this."

"You're too kind, Xand. But maybe she could have put her in a bindin' spell or somethin'."

"Would you have wanted Buffy to see you like I did in Scotland?"

Fuckin' true, dude. I sigh and put my hand on the knob. Locked. Fuck it, I push really hard with my shoulder and the frame gives way. I duck right before a bottle goes passed my head and smashes on the wall in the hallway.

I bum rush her and tackle her to the ground.

"What the FUCK! Ken?!"

We struggle and she pushes me off her, HARD, I hit my head on Xander's wardrobe.

I shake the cartoon birdies from away from my head and I can see she's pointin' somethin' at me.

OH FUCK! She's got a gun in her hand. Oh, shit, not like this, man, not like this.

I have a bad feelin' about this. A really bad feelin'.

The End.


	17. April's Fool

Chapter 17- April's Fool

Author's note: That wasn't really the end. Heh. I hope you enjoy the continuing story! Thanks for all the feedback I really appreciate it. 

I'm crawlin' up the bed to get to Buffy, the sheets are all white, everything's white. Did she buy new sheets and didn't tell me? This stuff is off the chain though, 'cause it feels like the softest cotton or silk or somethin'.

I get to the top of the bed and I'm met with a smilin' and laughin' Buffy. She's so beautiful. I just wanna pull this comforter and sheets back and have my nasty way with her.

Why's she cryin' now? She got a case of the 'crazy hormones' like I got lately?

Damn, these sheets are so freakin' soft!

But hang on, why are they wet? I put my hand up and it's covered in blood.

I look down and oh fuck, there's blood all over the bottom half of the bed. Andrew's in a corner of the room cryin'.

Andrew?

Shit, I must be dreamin'. I should just let sleep take me like it's tryin' to. I've always thought it was weird that sometimes in your dream you dream about bein' tired or bein' asleep. How's that work? Shouldn't that have all resolved itself by you bein' asleep?

I oughta get one of those 'what dreams mean' books. Would hafta be a slayer version, 'cause slayers get some pretty fucked up dreams.

Like this one here. I hate blood dreams.

'Cause it's usually mine.

Damn, my head is poundin'. Shit, what did I do last night? The last thing I remember is bein' at Xand's place.

Oh, fuck!! Don't tell me I got fuckin' drunk at Xander's again?!

Buffy is _so_ gonna fuckin' kill me!!

Like G-man says, 'Let's take stock, shall we?'

My mouth tastes like metal, (probably from bile, musta yarked), my head feels like shit, and when I go to open my eyes I want someone to stab me in them with a pen, it's too fuckin' bright!!

It looks like the walls of our bedroom are white. When did Buffy paint? I thought she was all in love with the 'Falling Leaves' color she picked out. She said it was so warm and inviting while at the same time bright and cheery. Whatever dude, I just think it goes good with the bedspread and junk.

Come to think of it, this bed is not my bed. I can't really see anything but I can feel that the sheets are too stiff.

Where the fuck am I?

The bed is propped up at an angle, our bed don't do that. Unless, we broke it in half while fuckin' and one part is stickin' up.

I wouldn't put it passed us.

I can hear hummin', like from a machine.

Why can't I open my eyes?

"Hey baby, I brought a book with me. The girl I told you about yesterday loves to read, so she's letting me borrow this."

Buffy?

I try to wake up so I can talk to her. Nothin'. Can't even sit up or bring my hand to my face.

"Oh, and Will bought me a copy of Wicked. She was gonna get me the hard cover one but I think this paperback is cooler. The edges of the pages are all green. See?"

Her voice broke on the 'see'.

That false cheerful tone can't fool me. Somethin's majorly wrong.

I add up all the shit that I thought was different about 'wakin' up' today and it hits me like a fuckin' truck.

God fuckin' damnit!!

I'm in another coma, I just fuckin' know it!!

How though? I try to think real hard. Ow, that hurts my head.

"You're frowny faced again, sweetheart. The doctor said that would happen from time to time, because you can still feel..._pain_." She loses it when she says pain and I can hear her sobbin'.

If I find out who the fuckface is that put me in this coma, I'm gonna fuckin' end 'em!!

As soon as I get out of this coma, of course.

How much shit can one couple go through? Better not ask Xander that, or Red, fuck, Dawnie's been through a lot of shit, too.

Man, we're just a bunch of bad lucked bastards.

She sniffs and blows her nose.

Her voice is all scratchy, like she's got a cold or somethin'.

"Andrew says he's gonna come by and do your nails, they need some work. He really wanted to do your hair, but I know how particular you are about your hair, and if you ever woke up bald he'd be toast, so I said he could do your nails as a consolation. But can I tell you something, baby? Heh, you'll probably think I'm weird. But I can't stand anyone else touching you. Not even the doctors. When we brought you in here, I carried you all the way. Xander called me and said I needed to meet you guys at the hospital. The orderlies, heh that's a funny word, orderly. Do they even have those anymore? Or are they just nurses or no! Medical assistants, I guess. Anyway, the guys who help you to your bed, they tried to take you off of me, and I almost broke their legs. Thank God for Giles. He kept the peace, and they let me carry you to the gurney. Then they took you away from me, and brought back _this_."

She loses it again.

"I guess I should be thankful. Most people don't survive losing that much blood. Who do I thank? God? The doctors? Kennedy?" She laughs bitterly.

Fuckin' Kennedy. I knew I should have strangled her when I had the chance, so much for bein' an adult and not murdering her on the street.

I remember now that she had a gun at Xander's. When was that? Last night?

Fuck! I really wish I could talk. I wonder if they saved that device thingy from Scotland that could read thoughts. I think I might have brought it back with us, but dunno where it would be. Probably in the hall closet.

"I guess I should be thanking Andrew, he had the presence of mind to put pressure on your artery. He didn't let up either, they practically had to pry him off you and his arms and hands were all locked up from keeping the pressure on for that long. So I guess I do owe him a bunch of thanks."

She goes quiet for a little bit.

"I'm sorry for dumping this all on you, sweety. I'll try to be more cheery. It's just, the doctor said... Well she said that each time you go into a coma, it's because some part of your brain is being injured. That could mean something bad that I don't want to think about. I want my sweet Faith back. The one who makes fun of how many purses I have and how I make an ick face when I fart and blame it on you. I want my baby who said she loved me and wouldn't leave me. You wouldn't leave me would you, Faith? I know you wouldn't what am I saying?!"

She chuckles, but it's not a confident chuckle.

Shit, this fuckin' sucks. Not bein' able to comfort her but I hear everything she's goin' through and it's killin' me.

"We never got to go skating in Rockerfeller Center. Remember that time we went and the line was too long? I was kinda disappointed but I never told you that. I mean, shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you that, I should be telling you positive things. Like, Francie's doing really well at the school."

Fuck, that means I've been in this coma for more than a day, fuck, it means I've been here for more than a month!

"She's so happy all the time, and...she reminds me so much of you, of how...you used to be...I can't be around her sometimes, and I know that's bitchy and selfish of me, but how can I look at her, when I can't see my baby that way? All smiling and happy, well, come to think of it, she's not all that happy because you're here. She comes down here at night a lot, and just sits with you. She feels like she did something wrong. Like it was her fault somehow..."

B starts cryin' again, well, _sobbin'_ I should say, she's been pretty much cryin' this whole time. I want to joke with her about needin' to work on her 'cheery' a little more. But I still can't say shit.

"It was no one's fault. Believe me, I tried to lay blame everywhere. With Xander, for calling you to go to his apartment. With myself for letting you go over there that night, and for being the person that Kennedy is obsessed with. And of course, Kennedy. She's lucky the cops got to her first, because I was not going to let her live. I know, that's harsh and all, but she planned that whole thing out. She wanted to get you there so she could kill you in Xander's apartment. She found out about him kissing Willow and then she went nuts over you having me," She stops a moment. "I didn't even know about that thing with Willow and Xander. Did you?"

Uhhhh, no? Good thing I'm in this coma. Coma's aren't so bad after all.

"Listen to me, of course you didn't." Whew, got outta that one. "Did you? You _so_ did, didn't you?! Oh you are _so_ gonna get it when you get out of here. I'm not kidding either!"

Fuck, not even conscious, well, awake and _still_ she finds out that I kept shit from her. I can't win.

Fuck it, it's the redhead witch's fault.

"Believe me, I blamed her, too."

'Who?'

"Willow...wait, WAIT!! FAITH?!"

'Jesus Christ, B. I'm in a coma, not deaf.'

"FAITH!!"

'Are _you_ deaf?'

"I'm sorry, what the hell is going on?!"

'Buffy, for the last time, please, just whisper, my fuckin' head is killin' me.'

"So, you can hear me?"

'Yeah, you're hearin' me in your head aren't you?'

"Yep, although that could point to the fact that I've been going totally fucking nuts for the past two months."

'Shit, don't tell me. Two months?!'

She gets on the bed. "Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

'Don't mind if you _lay_ here with me. Would the doc mind?'

"Well, I hope not, 'cause I do it every night. They tried making me go home and I told them they could shove their clipboards up their asses 'cause I was staying and they'd better get used to it."

'You like the whole people shovin' things up their asses don't you?'

"It's a thing."

'Damn, B. I'm sorry.'

"For what?"

'For not goin' with my instinct. I had a bad feelin' about that whole thing at Xander's when I saw what state his apartment was in. But then I wanted to play the hero and help Ken out.'

"She's beyond help right now. The cops couldn't keep her because she was too strong for them, Will arranged for her to be transferred to a 'mental facility' it's one of ours, she's on a pretty strict lock down, it's all mystical."

'Heh. You sound pissed. You can't get to her can you?'

"No, and she's lucky."

'B, I ain't worth all that, not you getting' in trouble.'

"Don't tell me how much you're _worth_, Faith!" Ow, head. "You're worth a lot to me, more than you'll ever know, except I kinda just told you, so yeah, you're worth a lot to me. You're worth my future, my children, _our_ children, Faith. Kennedy almost took all that away."

'She's not takin' nothin' away, B. I'm right here. Maybe mute right now, and kinda blind. But at least we know my brain is workin' just fine. Now we gotta find out how to get the rest of me back.'

"You're right. Oh, god. I hope this isn't another dream. I have these dreams a lot where you and I are on a beach, or we're in a tent by the lake."

'Are we naked?'

"Faith!"

'What?'

"You're such a perv, even in a coma, and yes, we _are_ naked in my dreams. Some say, dreams are wishes, I want you to be naked all the time, there, ya happy?"

'Not until I can pinch yer ass for bein' so cheeky.'

She laughs. It's a sincere and confident laugh this time. Sounds fuckin' relieved too.

'Call the Scoobs in, B. Tell them you can communicate with me. Let's get some answers.'

"Was she awake and talking?" Xander asks.

"No, we're communicating telepathically."

"Well how do we know if it's not another one of your dreams? Don't look at me like that."

"Yes, Buffy. Perhaps we should think of a way to communicate with Faith through you, so that we can tell if it's actually her subconscious we're speaking with."

"Ok, so what, you say something and then I ask her if she...no that wouldn't work."

'B, how about they whisper something to you... no that wouldn't work either...'

"I hear her!" Red says.

'Thank Christ, because we would never have fuckin' figured it out.'

Buffy and Willow laugh, relieved.

"Hey, Faith. We're glad you're with us. I'm so sorry."

'Will, no. None of that. We're gonna get me back and then we're gonna get over this.'

"You're right." She comes over and bends down to kiss me. "I'm so glad you're back!!"

'Not completely back yet, Red. Until I can use my arms to hold Buffy, I'm not back at all.'

"Awww, so cute."

I laugh in my head.

"Facinating. It appears that only women are able to hear her, so to speak."

"Uh, Mr. Giles?"

"Yes, Andrew. What is is?"

"I hear her, too."

'I rest my fuckin' case.'

"Hey! No fair picking on me, I saved you, Faith."

'And I owe you a huge one, Andy. Believe me I'm not gonna forget that.'

"It was nothing." He says all shy and smiley sounding.

"I say, can your _thoughts_ be projected to her?" Giles asks.

"No, not at all." Buffy says.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, 'cause she would have groaned if she saw what I was thinking."

I fuckin' lose it laughin', in my head. I can only imagine what she's thinkin'.

"I think Buffy's projecting her thoughts to me, 'cause I just got a really good visual." Xander says with a smirk in his voice.

"Yeah, Xand, but I bet Buffy's doesn't have _you_ in it." Willow says and swats him.

"Point, good one."

Too funny. Here I am in a coma and we're all crackin' on each other.

'So, B. Can the docs tell if I'll wake up?'

"Oh, my word! I heard that, Faith. You asked Buffy if the doctors can gauge precisely when you'll be awakening from your stasis."

'Pretty sure I didn't use all them fancy words, G. But uhhh it's great to be able to 'communicate' in communicado, or some other such shit like that, with ya.'

He laughs.

'Oh and G.'

"Yes?"

'You hearin' me means you're officially a nancy-boy Sharon.' I love usin' British put downs on him.

"Well, if that's what it takes to able to talk with you again, then so be it. I'm glad you're on your way back to us." He grabs my hand and squeezes. I feel a kiss.

'Damn, Giles. Not in front of Buffy, you and I had an agreement. I just winked at you by the way.'

Ow, Buffy just pinched me.

"And I just pinched you."

'Yeah, felt that, thanks.'

"Am I the only one that doesn't hear Faith? I am aren't I?" Xands says.

"Oh, don't pout Xander, we'll buy you a lollipop."

"Oh, goody, Will! Preferrably one that hasn't been in the dog's mouth this time."

Suddenly I get a thought. I'm quiet and their banter fades to the background.

I need answers, so I ask everyone to leave the room. I'd like to talk to Red alone.

B kisses me about a hundred times and says she'll just be out the door, so I should mentally yell really loud if I need her. She's a nutball. But she's mine so that's ok with me.

"What's up, Faith? Anything you needed? Can I getcha one of those star shaped sponge things to wet your lips with? Those look fun."

'Will,'

"Yes?"

'Stop, I'm not gonna accuse you of anything.'

"But...but..."

'But nothin' Will. Did you give Ken the gun and tell her to come shoot me?'

"NO!"

'Well, then, get off the fuckin' guilt train.'

She sits down on the bed.

"I'm really..."

'Yeah, yeah, I know, sorry. So listen up, I have a question for you, and I want an answer.'

"Ok."

'Did you tape American Idol for me?!'

"Faith!! Not funny!"

'Heh, I thought it was pretty funny. Shit, I've missed so much Will. You gotta help do somethin' to get me back. Bring me back, Clarence! Bring me back!'

"Hey! I love 'It's a Wonderful Life'! Everytime a bell rings..."

'Faith goes into a coma.' I joke and she swats my arm. 'We're gonna have to do some research on this shit, Will. Shut down the part of my brain that checks out when the wind blows. Or some shit like that.'

"No one would have survived what you did, Faith. Do you remember that football player that died last year? He was shot in almost the exact same place."

Yeah, I fuckin' remember, I was depressed for a few weeks. Football is my passion, and even though he wasn't on my team, he was an awesome player and the loss still hurt.

'Damn, I _am_ lucky then.'

"You are."

'So, you and Xander a couple now? I heard you talkin' about a dog.'

"No, oh, that? No! He and Andrew moved in with me. They couldn't stay at the apartment with all the bad memories."

'Yeah, those and the fact that Kennedy blew the place up with her fists.'

"Wow, I still can't believe she went off the deep end like that."

Will goes quiet and I know she's thinkin' and feelin' bad. Like if only she didn't let Kennedy leave that night, and then checked to make sure she wasn't on a bender the whole fuckin' weekend. There must be somethin' else there though.

'I heard her scream 'You want my girl? You can't have her' or somethin' like that. Was she talkin' about me or Xander?'

"Probably all three of you."

'All _three_ of us?'

"You remember Kelly, the waitress from the café you and Ken went to when you told her you and Buffy wouldn't be coming around her anymore?"

'Yeah, what of it?'

"Well, Ken brought that Panini home for me, which was excellent by the way, thanks."

'Welcome.'

"Yeah, well Kelly left her number on the slip inside. Ken said she must have left it for you. But I didn't believe her so I called it and Kelly gave me the truth. She said she saw you and thought you might be nice to get to know but she was too shy to say anything, so she left her number. I told her you were engaged and then she and I started talking and she moved in that night Ken moved out." Red finishes in a rush.

'Oh, shit. That's who was with you when I called from Boston.'

"Yes, I told you I was going to tell you the story when you got back."

'Wait, did you say moved in?! That all happened so fast, Red! You just let her move in like that?!'

"Well, her lease was up on her apartment, and we didn't move in, move in. She has her own room."

'So you're not fuckin'?'

"I didn't say that, I just said she has her own room."

'Convenient. You can go with the whole 'we're just roommate' bullshit.'

Will laughs.

'So, she a good person? I mean she was pretty darn cute, but she could be a nutcase.'

"No, she's not a nutcase. She's great."

'She know you're a witch?'

"Only when I withhold sex."

'No, that's called a _bitch_. And by the way, it spells death for any relationship.'

"Don't I know it, Ken held out on me for months. I really thought she was gonna change, you know?"

'They can't all be Faith, baby.'

"No, not unless I work out that cloning spell."

I laugh and she sighs.

'Ok, I'm gonna need a nap. Fuckin' weird to say that when I can't even open my eyes. Can you tell Buffy to come back in?'

"Sure, Faith. Thanks."

'You're welcome.'

I don't know what she's thankin' me for, but I'm almost outta juice and I need to talk to B before I pass out.

Buffy comes back in and kisses me another hundred times or so.

'Hey, babe. Wanna lay with me and nap a bit?'

"Do I?!" She slides under the covers.

'My family been down to see me like this?'

"Yes, they all stayed in our apartment for the first week or so, your Aunt just left to get back to Boston a week ago, she'll be back in another week. Your grandmother is staying with Will for the time being, we have a nurse for her just in case she needs help, she's doing well though. She comes in every afternoon and sings to you in Italian."

'Shit, that's why I kept dreamin' I was in a commercial for spaghetti." B laughs. "How about the girls?'

"They come on the weekends with Jimmy and John. Joey's been here with Leah a few times, he tries to get you to play, it's cute, but so heartbreaking. I have to leave the room sometimes."

'Damn, baby. I'm so sorry. I know if this were you in the coma I would have gone fuckin' nuts. You're so brave.'

"Only because I want to keep positive for you. Otherwise I'd have cracked a long time ago. Plus, I know a coma can't keep you down long." She chuckles heartbreakingly.

'Heh, yeah. Fuckin' comas.' I mentally sigh.

We go quiet for a bit.

'So am I all gross and junk?'

"No, I've been keeping you well groomed. You get a sponge bath twice a day, and I wash your hair every other day. The doctor says anymore and it will dry out your skin and scalp."

'Cool. So, you wear a nurses outfit durin' this sponge bath or what?'

"Maybe." She says all sly and embarrassed. Fuckin' minx.

'Liar, you're just tryin' to get me worked up.'

"Oh, you are so in for it when you get out of this coma, you better be ready for me."

'I'll get Will to look into a stamina spell, just for you.'

I quiet down because I'm almost out of it.

"I got you back, Faith. Now, I'm gonna get you back to me, for real. I love you."

'Never ever gonna leave you, B. Told you that already.'

"I'll make sure you keep that promise."

'Hey, B. What month is it?'

"April."

'S'it the First?"

"2nd,"

'Some fuckin' April Fool's joke I pulled on you, huh?'

"It's been pulled on us, but we'll make it right. Now get some sleep, baby."

'Kay'

She kisses my lips and I drift out.

Shit, if that was a dream, kill me now and send me to heaven, I don't wanna wake up in hell.

When I do wake up I've got a mess of blonde hair in front of my face, which is good because it's filterin' out the harsh light.

"Hey, B?" I rasp out.

She lifts off me with a start and looks down. "Did you just talk?!"

"Somethin' like that." I chuckle dryly. Man my throat is fucked. "Do ya think they could cut the lights?"

"They are cut, there's just this one right here next to the bed. I'll shut it. I use it to read to you."

I nod. My throat really is a bit fucked up right now. Weird, because the last time I woke from a coma it was after 8 months and my throat was a little raspy, but nothin' unusual.

"I'll go get the doctor." She starts to get up but I stop her and pull her back down.

I breathe in her scent. I really don't wanna ask her what day it is now. If I've been fuckin' sleepin' for another couple of months or a year or somethin', I'm gonna be pissed.

"What's today?"

"Still the 2nd." She snuggles into me a little further.

I smile.

She's cryin' into my chest. Normally, I would tell her not to, but I know she needs it. I'd do the same thing if I wasn't so fuckin' happy I was back. I'll probably break down after I hear all she went through.

"We," I clear my throat. "We should always go away somewhere on the first and take the rest of the week off. Just you and me. To that tent by the lake, or that beach you were dreamin' of."

She nods her head and cries a little harder.

Finally, my heart can't take anymore and I whisper for her to stop. I kiss the top of her head and tell her how much I love her.

I'm here now, and we're gonna be ok.

Never gonna be April fooled like this again.


	18. They Can't Keep a Good Bitch Down

Chapter 18- They Can't Keep a Good Bitch Down

"So, doc, give it to me straight? How much damage did this whole deal do to my body?"

"We had to give you a heart massage, Faith."

"A what now?"

"We had to open up your chest and massage your heart to get it beating again."

Buffy squeezes my hand and puts her head down, she must be remembering the ordeal.

"So, what? I got a scar down the middle of my chest, now?"

She shakes her head and I'm relieved, "We had Willow do a spell to smooth the skin over."

"Good, 'cause me and B plan on goin' to the beach soon," I bring B's hand to my lips and lay a sweet kiss on her knuckles. "And I don't need any scars messin' with my tan." I wink at her and she blows me a kiss.

The doctor chuckles.

"Yes, heaven forbid."

"Why's my throat so fucked up?"

The doctor hesitates. Buffy tenses up. Maybe I should hear this alone.

"Hey, B. Do you mind goin' to get me somethin' to drink? I could really use a Mr. Pibb right now."

"Can she have that doctor?"

"Yes, she's Faith." The doctor shrugs. "I heard in Scotland she ate a pound of fish and chips as soon as the pins in her jaw were out."

"More like two pounds, but whatever." I cough. "Throat's kinda dry." I look at Buffy all kittenish.

"I'll be back in a bit. I might have to go down to the library, they're probably wondering where I've been today." She senses I need some time.

"Take your time, sweetheart."

She gives me a kiss and looks at the doctor pointedly before leavin'. Dunno what that's all about.

"So, Doc, the throat." I point to my throat. "I smoke a ton of cigs while I was in a coma or somethin'?"

"No." She hesitates again.

"What then?"

"You were stabbed."

"Stabbed? I thought I was shot?"

"That too."

"Ok, back up here." I sit up a little more in the bed. "I was shot. That was in the leg?"

The doc nods, "It nicked the femoral artery, if Andrew hadn't applied as much pressure as he did you would have bled out within minutes."

Fuckin' A. "So, when was I stabbed?"

"From the reports it was as Xander was calling for the ambulance."

"Let me guess, Kennedy stabbed me in the throat."

The doc nods again.

"With what?"

"A letter opener."

"What the mother fuck?!" I start to get out of the bed and the doctor rings the bell. Buffy comes rushin' back in.

"Faith! Get back in that bed!!" She grabs hold of my shoulders and tries to push me back in bed. "Please, baby. We'll work everything out, please get back in bed."

"Buffy, don't fuckin' tell me what to do!! You told me not to do anything before and look where that got me! What do we wait for? Her to kill me? Kill YOU?! What the fuck is it gonna take?!"

"And what?! You want her blood on your fucking hands?! 'Cause I sure as hell don't!! Will's dealing with it. Please, baby, I know how that sounds, you've heard that before, but..."

"You're fuckin' right I've heard that shit before!! It was about a week before that bitch shot and stabbed me!!"

Buffy sighs but still holds me around the shoulders, I'm a bit weak so she manages to get me to sit on the bed.

I might have to go ninja and sneak the fuck out of here at night. Break through those fuckin' mystical barriers around Ken and snap her neck.

"Faith, I know honey, I know." She sits down next to me and kisses my temple.

"Buffy, you don't know." I try not to put venom into that, but a little creeps in.

"And you don't know what's going on, so I'm asking you not to get upset about it right now, I don't want you getting hurt again, or arrested or worse." She shudders at that thought.

I sigh and the doctor comes over to me. She puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Faith, I know this sounds like we're unconcerned with her almost killing you, but please, Buffy and the rest of us have your best interests at heart. Kennedy will not be getting away with this. When Mr. Giles comes back he'll let you in on everything. You have to be patient."

I laugh, "Been "a patient" for too fuckin' much in my young life." Shit, I shouldn't be mad at them. Fuckin' sounds like a goddamn conspiracy though. B would never do somethin' like that to me. At least I hope not.

"Where'd Giles go?"

"To the airport, he'll be back tonight."

"How soon can I get out of here?"

"We have to do a few more tests, but I'd say by tomorrow morning you'd be good to go."

"Good, do your tests now and release me by 6."

"AM?"

"No, PM, you've got two hours, I've been here long enough, I wanna get back home."

Buffy nods at the doctor and she nods back.

Fuckin' conspiracy theory is still goin' around in my head.

I bore a hole through Buffy's skull. The doctor leaves and B turns around.

"It's not what you're thinking, Faith."

"What am I thinking, Buffy?"

"That it's a set up."

"Wouldn't you feel that way?"

"Of course, but I'm telling you it's not. Don't you trust me?"

Fuck, I don't want her to feel like I think she's out to get me.

"I trust you more than I trust myself, B. I just...fuck. Can you tell me what's goin' on?"

"Giles found some stuff out today, he's going to the airport to pick someone up, and when he gets back they'll give us all the details."

"So, you don't know anything?"

She shakes her head.

"Not anymore than you do."

"What was with the secret looks to the doctor?"

She sighs, guiltily.

"I didn't want her to tell you about all that stuff with Kennedy, but she said you weren't a child, it was your health, and you had a right to know. I was just trying to protect you."

"Buffy," I reach out to her and take her hand. "You know how much bein' in control means to me."

She nods. "I'm sorry."

"The doc was right, you can't protect me from everything like I'm two."

"I know," Her voice breaks. "It's just, you've been through so much and I..." She trails off.

"You what?"

"It seems like I've been just standing around watching it happen."

"Yeah, you're right. You just stand around watchin' all this shit happen to me, and never _once_ have you been there for me."

Her head snaps up and she looks pissed, then she realizes I'm smilin' at her and she relaxes.

"God damnit, Buffy. You've been there every step of the way with me. Cryin' over me, cryin' with me, cryin' _for_ me. It's me who should feel bad. You're gonna run outta tears, and it'll all be 'cause of me."

She laughs and then looks at me all worried. "What're we gonna do, Faith?"

"First we're gonna find out what the fuck's come over Kennedy, then we're gonna get married, 'cause I don't know about you, but December's lookin' way too far away for me."

Her face lights up.

"Probably won't make it to Arbor day the way I'm fuckin' goin'." I wink at her and she pouts.

"When is Arbor day, anyway?"

"Tomorrow?" I laugh. No fuckin' clue, probably passed for all I know.

She bumps my shoulder, "I missed you so much, and if you ever pull a stunt like this again..."

"Yeah, 'cause I love hospitals and getting shot and stabbed soooo much."

We look into each other's eyes and for the first time I see fear in Buffy.

Ain't that fuckin' somethin'? I've seen everything in her beautiful hazel eyes: happy, sad, anger, lust, love, mirth, guilt, I've even seen her scared, but never frightened.

"What's up, B?"

"I can't lose you, Faith."

"I'm here, what's the problem?" I pull her to me.

"When you almost died, I had the worst thought."

Oh god, "What?"

"I would have died, too."

I laugh.

"It's not fucking funny, Faith. You're my life now."

"I know it's not funny, B. But I have a cure for that."

"What? And if you say breaking up, I'm going to kill you for real."

I pinch her ass, "Brat," I kiss her head. "The cure is gettin' you knocked up. We have a kid and then they become our world, you'd have to stay alive to help raise them. Sorry, B, but the world needs you, so you gotta stay in it. No matter what. Shit, Red knew that, Xand knew that, it's why they brought you back to life. Speakin' of which, you died twice, you've had your turn, let somebody else do it for a change." I wink.

Don't wanna get into a fight with her about her life being worth more than mine, but it's a feelin' I think will never go away for me.

Must have to do with not really feelin' like I ever mattered. Still got huge fuckin' abandoned by mom issues. Shit, I missed like two months of therapy. Hope Pam isn't pissed.

She laughs, "Not funny, but it's good to plan for children, my clock is ticking."

"I could help keep it wound." I wiggle the brows.

"God, you don't even know how much I missed those, do you?"

"As much as I missed these," I squeeze her ass cheeks. "Does the door lock over there?"

"No, and they have to come to do your tests, so I suggest you keep it in your pants for a couple of more hours."

I groan, "I thought you didn't want to see me dead, B? If I don't get some soon, I might die."

She leans in and gives me a hot kiss. "That oughta buy you a few hours at least. Now let's get this room packed and ready for Xander and Andrew to carry the stuff to the car."

I pout, "Only'll last me a few minutes."

"Get moving," She says sternly, then realizes I almost died and softens her face. "Sweetheart?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming back."

"Said I ain't goin' nowhere. Even if you chuck me out, I'd be livin' on the balcony, like a pigeon. You'd have to feed me bread crumbs."

She laughs and leans in for another kiss, "More like bread sticks, you wouldn't settle for crumbs."

"Oooh, can we get pizza tonight?"

"Of course, whatever you want."

"And bagels?"

"Yep"

"And spring rolls"

"Uh huh"

"And ice cream"

"Mmm Hmm"

"And pussy"

"What else would you have with the ice cream?"

Ooooh she's gonna be fuckin' insatiable tonight. I hope I don't crash.

The docs did their tests and said I could go, I'm glad to finally be back home.

B went to go pick up my Gee Gee, she's gonna stay with us now that B's gonna be back stayin' in our apartment. I'm waitin' on the Chinese food order, the pizza already got here, and I need to fuckin' pig on this one pie before my grandmother gets here and yells at me for stuffin' my face. But I'm so damn hungry, feels like I haven't eaten in months.

Heh.

Ok, one pie is gone, got rid of the evidence, and one is left. Cheezy bread, too. Oh, and an order of hot wings.

Doc says I can't have beer and that kinda sucks, 'cause what's better to wash down some really greasy pizza with, then a beer?

Oh, well, I guess I'll listen to her, she's the one with the degree. 'Sides the runner up to beer with pizza is not so bad, Cherry Coke. YUM!

After I pig, I make my way up onto the roof, it's a nice night, they say the winds from last night have died down, and it's kinda chilly, but really peaceful. It's one of those times that I like to come up here and take stock in what I have and what I've been through while I watch the lights of the city twinkle.

I rub my throat, Will must've performed some kinda 'scar be gone' spell on this too, 'cause it's smooth. The doc said the letter opener had nicked the vocal cord. She's pretty positive that with voice therapy I can get it back to normal, which was raspy anyway, I just don't wanna sound like my name should be Frank, that's all. And not that it does, but if it devolves into that, might as well grow some balls, too.

Speakin' of which, I wonder when B's gonna want kids for real. We kid each other about it, but I was kinda serious today when I said she needs to have someone else in her life, can't be all about me, ya know?

Wow, all my life I've been wanting one person's love. At least, one person. But since my ma didn't know how to give me her love, I wanted someone for myself. Now that I have it, I'm tryin' to give it away, but there's a difference.

The person she would give it to is an extension of me, not my competition, so really by loving the life we create together, even if she loves him or her more than me, is really just loving me also. So it's love for Faith, no matter which way you slice it, and that's fuckin' sweet in my book.

Plus, bein' a slayer's a fuckin' dangerous gig and we need to have somethin' soon, 'cause you never know what could happen in a month. Shit, you never know what can happen in a blink of an eye. I'm livin' proof of that. One minute I'm fuckin' Buffy and baskin' in the afterglow, the next I'm getting' shot and stabbed. Still can't believe that shit. I'm a cliché for livin' in the city.

I've got it all kinda planned, Buffy wouldn't need to retire from slayin' if that's not what she wants, I just plan on shoulderin' more of our share. She doesn't get involved so much with the hand to hand stuff right now as it is. She still patrols and gets involved when it really counts, but doesn't go on as many missions as she used to. That's really because I told her she's always been better at bein' in charge of the girls, another point I'm livin' proof of. She's been in charge of me for almost two years runnin' and look at how far I've come.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by my ringin' cellphone.

_"At night I dream of you...I want to be your lady, baby. If your game is on...gimme a call, boo. If your lovin's strong...gonna give my all to you." _

My ring tone is My Boo by The Ghost Town DJ's. It's an older song from the mid 90's. My best friend, used to listen to all kindsa stuff I had no clue about, and he introduced me to this one. After I met Buffy, every time I would hear it, I would always think of her.

I see Buffy's number on the display, I hit the 'accept' button and put the phone to my ear, "Hey baby, was just thinkin' 'bout you." I purr into it.

"That's awesome, sweet cheeks, but won't my sister be _really_ jealous?"

Dawn. That fuckin' bitch!! That fuckin' beautiful, funny, sweet, dead when I see her, smart, wonderful, can't live with her and can't drown her, bitch!!

"DAWNIE?!"

"Woah, kinda needed that ear drum, but oh well, guess that's gone now. How are you, Faith?!"

"I'm GOOD!! How are you?!"

"Steadily going deaf, it's a thing."

Bitch. I crack up into the phone.

"Where are you?! With Buffy?"

"Yes, we're kidnapping your grandmother, she's the most wonderful woman in the world, did you know that?"

"Yes, I did!!" I have a huge smile on my face and I get to my feet so I can let some of this happiness out.

"Where are you, Faith?"

"Up on the roof."

I can hear the hesitation in Dawn's voice, but she tries to keep it even. "Are you going to get your ass down here now or what?"

I hear my grandmother in the background say that Dawn's such a beautiful girl, no need to use that kind of language, and I chuckle.

"You just got scolded by Gee Gee, welcome to the family."

"So, I have to come up there and haul your derriere down here or what?"

"I'm coming!!"

"Ew, don't need to hear the gory details. When you're done, do you mind coming back to your apartment? Buffy misses you."

"I'll bet she's glarin' at you so hard right now. See ya in two seconds." I push end and slip the phone back into my pocket and run down to the apartment.

The door opens before I even have a chance to put my hand on the knob and a mess of brown hair flies at me. I'm caught in a tangle of arms and legs. Buffy jumps on us too and my legs buckle under the pressure. We go down.

I'm pretty content here on the floor. Me and my girls just chillin' in the hallway, huggin' and laughin' and cryin'. My Gee Gee comes to the doorway, she's smilin', no doubt relieved to see me alive, smilin' all big and happy.

"There was a time when I was younger, I would have jumped on top of the pile. But now my bones are so old they'd break, so I'll just admire you young ladies from up here."

We all laugh.

Buffy and Dawn let me up just enough so I can get to my feet, Gee Gee holds her arms out to me and I bring the clingy girls with me into our hug.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so glad you're back. You had your Gee Gee scared for a while there."

I cry on her shoulder for a few moments.

"No, no crying, mi dolce. At least not out in the hall, there's a draft."

We all laugh and make our way back into the apartment. Gee Gee ushers me over and has me sit on the couch.

Buffy runs around like a chicken with her head cut off tryin' to make sure I've got enough cushions and blankets for if I get cold.

She stops in mid plumpin' of a cushion, "Faith, you must have a fever, you're all sweaty. Oh God! I'll call the doctor."

"B WAIT!! 'Course I'm all sweaty, I'm roastin' under these twelve blankets. Do you mind takin' them off?"

"Why didn't you say so?!"

"I just did."

Dawn laughs and B glares at her.

"Sorry B, I know you're just lookin' out for me but you might wanna tone it down, I'm not glass, I won't break."

She scoffs and takes away the blankets, but leaves a thin one just in case. I can see it now, our kids'll look like the little brother in a Christmas Story when they go outside to play in the snow. "Like a tic about to pop". With twelve pairs of gloves, seventeen pairs of socks, three pairs of long johns, etc.

Least they won't have to wear plastic bags in their sneakers to stop the water from fuckin' with their socks 'cause their mom spent the winter shoes allowance on dope.

I feel a swat on my arm and I look at my grandmother surprised.

"Don't take that tone with her, I know you think you're kidding but you don't know what that little one has been through."

Damn, I'm an ass. I knew she'd been through a lot, but I kinda forgot about it. Worried about myself and getting' all 'black cloud' again.

"Sorry, Gee."

"Don't say sorry to me, apologize when she comes back."

Dawn smirks at me and raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just great to see someone besides Buffy able to tame the wild beast."

"What about Buffy?" B comes back in the room sounding annoyed.

"Squirt was just bein' snotty, what's new? Pay the runt no mind." I stick my tongue out at Dawn.

Buffy gives Dawn another glare.

I call B over, "Sorry."

"For what?"

"For bein' so dumb and not realizin' what you were goin' through these past couple of months."

She looks at Gee Gee and Dawn like they spilled the beans or somethin'.

"They didn't tell me anything, I was just actin' like you're overreactin', even though I think ya are a little," Gee Gee pokes me. "But I know you had to be goin' nuts, and I'm sorry."

I hold my hands out to her and she takes 'em. I go to pull her onto my lap but she stops me like I'm tryin' to sit her on top of lava.

"No! No! No, Faith. I can't sit on your lap, at least for another week or so. The doctor put in a shunt; they had to reconstruct your artery."

Fuck, I didn't even have a limp or nothin' so I thought it was just a little scrape on my artery, like the doc said it "nicked the femoral artery", didn't realize a chunk was taken out of it.

"Damn," I shake my head. Buffy sits beside me. "Anything else I gotta not do?" I look nervously at my Gee Gee, don't wanna ask if sex is off limits in front of her.

Dawn snorts and Buffy blushes.

They saw it in my face.

Gee Gee pats my leg, "I'm sure if Buffy is really gentle, cara mia, you won't have to go without."

Buffy's face is a sight to see, she's got the blush goin' a nice shade of brick red and Dawn is tryin' not to choke on her own tongue laughin'.

I put my arm around my grandmother. "Gee, you're one happenin' old broad, ain't ya?"

She hits my knee gently, "You sound like your Aunt. Now, take me to my room, this 'old broad' needs some rest."

Buffy goes to her and gives her a hand off the couch. Gee Gee bends to me slightly, "We'll talk in the morning," She gives my forehead a kiss. "Be a good girl and get some rest yourself."

"Ok, Gee Gee, have a good sleep. Thanks for stayin' down here while I was out of it."

"No need to thank me, Buffy was a saint; she's the one who deserves the thanks." She winks at me.

Saint Buffy, heh. Guess it's true what they say.

We made up the pull out couch in the den for Dawnie. It was funny, she was bein' all smart assed and sayin' she doesn't get jet lag, and then all of a sudden she's practically passin' out. B helped her get her pajamas on and then carried her to the bed that I had just made up.

"You gonna carry me to bed too, B?" I wink at her.

"If you want." She smirks. "I'd carry you anywhere."

Awwww, she's so sweet.

I start to walk and I suddenly I'm swept off the ground. I hold on to B's neck and steady myself.

"Woah, little girl! Such a man handler."

"I'll show you man handling when we get in the bedroom."

"You gonna use the new toy?"

B almost drops me, guess that suggestion was a good one, or a bad one. Never can tell with Buffy all the time.

She waits until we get in the room before she starts talking. She gently sets me on the bed.

"Y-You'd let me use it on you?" Her voice sounds small, like she's in actual wonder.

"Why not? Can't let you have all the fun." I prop myself on my elbows.

"I just thought,"

I cut her off, "Yeah, I know, I'm the 'guy'. And you know this 'guy' likes penetration, so don't hold out on me."

She gets a look of absolute lust in her eyes, I guess my suggestion was a good one.

We take it slow though. Well actually, she takes it slow, I try to rip her clothes off, but she's not letting me get to her. She wants to be in control. Fine by me.

She pushes me back down on the bed and straddles my waist, she's got the cutest smirk on her lips as she reaches down to the bottom of her shirt and whips it up over her head, then unsnaps her bra.

Man, did I miss those!! I reach up and cup both breasts in my hands, marvelin' at the feel of their weight and her hardenin'-as-we-speak nipples.

She groans and arches back, pushin' her tits further into my palms.

I keep one hand on her tit and use the other to bring her down to me for a hot kiss. I need her so much right now I'm shakin.

When we break for air she gasps, "Are you ok, baby? Is this too much?"

I kiss down her jawline and then back up to her ear. "It's never too much, never. Sometimes I think it's never enough, always want more of you, B. Can't ever get enough."

That has her smilin', "Well, then, I just have to give you what you need."

Oh yeah, give it to me. That Jay-Z song pops into my head and I wish I had it handy to play, love to fuck to that one.

"Give it to me, gimme that sweet, that nasty, that gooshy stuff, B."

She laughs, "Oh, don't worry, you're gonna get a lot more. But we'll take it slow, you're recovering."

"Buffy, don't you dare torture me with slow, I haven't had anything for two months, I'm gonna die here."

"Well then, I'll have Willow do a spell, you're not gonna die. Not on my watch."

Have to keep this light or else she'll start thinkin' about the bad and we'll never do it. And in case you hadn't noticed, sex means a lot to me. Especially sex with Buffy.

"You gonna sit there all night, or are we gonna get busy?"

"Oooh my girl's impatient, huh?" She smirks as she sits up again and toys with the front of my shirt.

"I want you to fuck me, hard, fast and now. That impatient enough for you?"

Her eyes go wide, and her breathin' increases. She's picturin' it. She fumbles with my buttons, then gets frustrated at her clumsiness and just rips the thing down the front.

I don't say shit, I'm too caught up in her need for dominance.

Shit, this is gonna be good.

Once the shirt is gone she unclasps my bra and looks at my tits like they're the last pieces of cake in the world. Chocolate cake with chocolate mousse icin' and warm raspberry drizzle, she loves that shit more than me sometimes.

I grab at her back and head as she hungrily attacks my nipples with her tongue and teeth. She's grindin' her pussy down on my good leg and grindin' against mine in the process. Damn, she's so hot for it!

She rips her mouth away from my breasts and I can see a bit of the slayer in her, B has checked out for a moment. I kinda hope she doesn't rip these jeans off me, they're my favorite, hug the ass just right. Even though they are a little big right now, need a few more pizzas.

Buffy slides off me and drags her hands down to the top of my waistband, she undoes the fly and pulls them off slowly. She settles herself between my legs and presses her nose to the crotch of my panties. I feel her tongue press against me.

Fuck, that's a hot site and the sensations her tongue is causin' makes me a little light headed. I let my head roll back and forth on the pillow as she slips her finger under the material and dips into my wetness.

"Jesus, fuck, B! I need you so much."

She takes a hold of my panties and pulls them off quickly, they're now somewhere on the floor with my jeans and torn shirt.

I reach for her and she quirks an eyebrow, she wants to know what I want.

"I want to help you off with your pants. Please, may I help you take them off, miss?" I wink.

"You may." She shuffles up towards the headboard so I can take them off without havin' to move.

I sit up so that I can get some kisses in while I make quick work of her buttons. Once they're undone I shove my impatient hands into her panties and touch all over, I fuckin' can't get enough. I wasn't lyin' before when I said that. I want to touch everywhere all at once. I rub and squeeze her cheeks, pullin' them apart slightly and brushin' her hole, she gasps and that makes me smile into the kiss. Then I bring one of my hands in front to cup her mound. My heart feels like it's gonna sieze up as I feel her juices spillin' over my fingers. I think I got a little wet spot of my own goin' on the bed.

No fuckin' foreplay, I feel like if I don't get her in me now, I might go into another coma. Thankfully, she reaches for the side table drawer and pulls it open. I won't have to beg. I'm still fondlin' her as she stretches to reach into it the drawer and she pulls out the amazin' dildo.

It's almost like it has a glow about it. I guess it's the light glintin' off of it.

God damn! I feel like this is my first time with the girl of my dreams or somethin'. Heh, what am I sayin'? It fuckin' is _just_ that.

This is the first time B is going to fuck me with a dong while it's attached to her. She's fucked me with the hand helds before, but she was never really comfortable with bein' in the driver's seat with the strap. Now, she looks like this is old hat to her, but a really excitin' old hat. So fuckin' confident and in charge. Maybe shakin' just a little bit with lust.

She brings the bulbed end that goes inside her down to her pussy and rubs her clit just a bit, then by a slight narrowin' of her eyes I can tell she just pushed it in. It's a bit big so it can fit in snugly, and I know she feels real full. She bites her bottom lip and rubs a little more at her clit when it hits her spot. She must feel so fuckin' nasty with it on and hoverin' above me like this. I can see the absolute wantonness in her face.

Oh, God, I hope she likes my next suggestion. I almost chicken out but decide to go for it.

"You want me to make it wet for you, miss?"

Her eyes open and she tries to focus on mine. "With your sweet mouth?"

I nod, damn her voice is so sexy when she's all lustified.

Once again, she scoots up towards me and I stroke the shaft in front of me. I look up and her eyes are going wide and narrow. I press the button on the bottom of the part that's in her and her eyes just stay wide. She's feelin' the vibrations.

I give her one last wink and small air kiss as I bring my head forwards and lick at the tip.

"Oh, wow, that looks..." Yeah, fuckin' nasty, I know B.

I push forward a bit more when it's in my mouth and give it a few more swipes with my tongue as I bring it in further. Gettin' it nice and wet for her. I pull back a little and look up at her with the tip in my mouth, she's still tryin' to make her eyes focus, the vibe's givin' her a lot to think about right now, or not think about. She's havin' a hard time not givin' into the thing and just comin'.

I guess she realizes this and pulls her cock away from me. She pushes me back down and settles herself along my body, she's feelin' too much right now, and not enough.

Never enough.

With a shaky breath she says, "Go ahead, baby. Put me inside you."

God damn! I might have just came, my pussy definitely responded to that one.

I reach down in between us and take the cock in my hand, she lifts slightly and I position it at the entrance to my hole. She pushes forward slowly and I gasp. Buffy holds herself steady, waitin' to see if I'm in pain.

"More, baby, give me more, don't stop, please, B, don't stop."

I feel a shudder go through her and realize she's comin', oh holy mother of shit, that looks so fuckin' hot, she was tryin' to hold out but she couldn't and now her eyes are rollin' back in her head and she's groanin'.

Shit, I'll have to give her a few minutes of recovery time, and put my ragin' hormones on hold. I don't know if I can do it, but I'll do it for her.

She's still holdin' herself up by her arms, and I try to bring her down to lay on me so she can rest. She shakes her head and opens her eyes, lookin' at me like I did somethin' wrong.

"I'm not done," Her voice is a little strained but forceful.

She pushes forward more, I settle my hands on her ass cheeks and pull her hips towards me. Damn, that feels so good. Once, she's in all the way I wrap my legs around her thighs. The angle is makin' everything feel tighter.

She sets herself and takes a deep breath; she starts a slow rhythm and I can't get enough, I'm grindin' up into her on the down strokes. Soon she finds the right rhythm and she's bangin' into me faster, I open my legs a little and readjust them higher around her waist. That allows her to stroke deeper into my pussy and hit my g-spot with each thrust.

OH FUCK! I can't keep a hold on my brain as she leans down and bites my nipple. It feels like it just shot off into orbit, Buffy's redoublin' her effort and fucks me harder, I can hear her say she's comin' and if I thought my brain was in space, it's now in fuckin' HEAVEN!!

Oh fuck, am I dead? Can't be 'cause my heart is poundin' in my chest. I feel B lift off me a little and gently pull the dildo free from my pussy.

Damn, checked out for a couple of seconds there, I wonder if that's connected to why I go into a coma all the time.

Well, not all the time, but I do get knocked out easily.

"You there, baby?"

"Mmm hmm. I'm wonderin' how come you haven't done that before."

"Well, I'm not really sure, but I know I'll definitely be doing it again." She laughs.

"So hot, that was so hot, Buffy."

"I know, I loved it."

"Does this mean you're the guy now?"

"No, I have more shoes and frilly tops, also I wear more skirts."

Yeah, she does. But we like to kid each other about bein' the guy. It really doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

I hope she remembered to put the silence spell on the room. Don't wanna think of my grandmother hearing all that.

"Wait, the Governer of New York did WHAT?!"

"Cheated on his wife with high class prostitutes."

"High class," Dawn snorts.

"And now he's the ex-governor." Xand adds.

"He deserved to be caught, he used the lamest alias ever. George Fox, who has a name like that?"

"Uhh, Buff, that was his friend's name."

"Oh. Still!" B gets a look like somethin' just occurred to her. "Wait, he used his friend's name?"

"Hey, missy, I better not get calls from the coven saying they have reason to believe I've been hiring high class prostitutes to the tune of 80,000."

"Wow, he paid that much?"

"Over a couple of years."

"Damn, I missed out on a lot." I whisper to Xand. "She got a Myspace?"

"Bookmarked it for ya." He whispers back and nods.

I catch B's look and change the subject real fuckin' fast.

"How're the Sox doin? They'd be what, about a week into the season now?"

"Yep!" Xand answers enthusiastically, like he thinks that's gonna save him from Buffy's glare.

"They play the Yanks yet?"

"No, that's in about a week. I think next Friday."

"Cool, at least I haven't missed that."

"Beckett's not in the pitching roatation though."

"No shit, why?!"

"Back injury."

"Awww fuck it!"

"Faith, language,"

"Sorry, Gee."

"Quite alright," Giles answers then realizes I meant my grandmother. "Oh, scusi." He smiles at her.

"Tu conosci Italiano?"

"Si, I spent quite some time at the Sapienza Universita di Roma."

"Oh, how wonderful! My mother met my father there, she was from a little town outside of Rome."

Giles starts talkin' about the strolls he took around the city and I glance over at Buffy. She's tryin' to pay attention but she can feel my eyes on her.

I wink and give her a little air kiss.

Pipsqueak whispers, "Get a room." Then says, "OW!" Buffy stepped on her hand. She's sittin' on the floor.

"Giles, don't wanna interrupt your reminicin' but the natives are gettin' restless."

"Yes, thank you, Faith." He takes out his journal. Fuckin' thing is pretty sweet, I want one. "I've had some intelligence on Kennedy's condition."

I sit up and pay close attention.

"It appears as though she's gone crazy."

"Giles, please tell us you have something other than that, I think we've already established her shooting my fiancée and then stabbing her in the throat for no apparent reason as Kennedy going crazy." Buffy smilin' but you can tell by her eyes she's not happy.

"If you please let me finish, Buffy, all will become a little clearer."

She glares at him and motions for him to continue.

"As I was saying, it appears Kennedy has gone crazy, but with Willow's help and some intelligence out of the South of France of all places, I'd say the person or thing that shot and stabbed Faith was not really Kennedy at all."

Everyone gasps except for Dawnie and Red, they must know this stuff already. Shit, why didn't I think of that possibility?

"Well then, we just find Kennedy and she can tell us who kidnapped her." Andrew says helpfully.

I look over to Willow who looks like she's about to lose it in a hurry.

"Andy, shhh, ok?"

He nods.

"How long have they had her?"

"I'd say since she and Willow came back from Brazil."

Fuck, that was over a year ago!! Damnit! No wonder she's been a total bitch this whole time.

"So, what do we do now, G-man?"

"Dawn is working on gaining more intelligence from France, and the surrounding areas."

"We should get a team on it." Buffy says.

"Satsu dispersed a team of girls to Nice; I'm going to also have reconnaissance teams in Avignon, Pau, Bayonne, Lyon, and one in Monaco.

"Could have traveled North by now."

"We've already covered the North, there's good intelligence that this new threat is in the South, they've established quiet a stronghold there."

"Fuck, sorry Gee Gee, but fuck! Who knew it was this complicated? I just thought..." I stop myself when I look at Willow. Didn't give it a second thought when I pinned Ken as the bad guy.

"Where's the intelligence placin' the ringleaders?"

"Nice,"

"How soon can I get with the team?"

Buffy stands up. "NO!"

I don't even look at her. "Figure they've got a safehouse somewhere where there's a lot of people, no?"

"Did you hear me?! You're not going anywhere!!"

"I heard, ya. And yes I am."

Buffy's about to nut out on me when she remembers my grandmother is in the room. Probably the only one that can get B to quiet down one of her self-righteous and bossy rants.

"Faith, can I see you in our bedroom for a second?" She stalks off not even waitin' for my answer. I wouldn't dare say no anyway, don't need another coma.

I get in there and as soon as the door's closed she says a spell so that we can't be heard.

"HAVE YOU FUCKING LOST YOUR MIND?!"

"Uh, no?"

"YEAH, WELL I THINK YOU HAVE!!"

"I think I should know when I've gone crazy, B, and I'm feelin' kinda sane. Wonderin' who this crazy woman screamin' at me is though."

"OH YOU FUCKING HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT CRAZY, FAITH! NOT ONE CLUE!!"

"Really? Why don't you tell me then, B?!"

I fold my arms over my chest and lean up against the dresser. I watch her pace around for a few minutes, she finally stops and I think her head might explode, but then she sighs and her voice comes out strained but even.

"Crazy is getting a call from Xander saying there's been an accidental shooting at his apartment and I should meet you guys at the hospital. Crazy is the taxi ride over there in hysterics because I kept thinking the worst, even though I tried not to. Crazy is watching them rip your chest open so that they could massage your not beating heart. Crazy is seeing a trach tube in your throat because that _thing_ stabbed you with a letter opener..."

"Ok, B. I think I got it now."

"NO! I don't think you do!!"

"Yeah, I do, but I want you to hear me out."

"Unless you say you're mistaken and you don't want to go to France, then we've got nothing more to talk about. And don't give me that speech about your life being worth less than mine, or I _will_ beat you down."

She sets her jaw and clenches her fist waiting for my answer.

God fuckin' damnit. What do I do here? My first instinct is just leave the room, 'cause I ain't budgin' on the going to France thing. But I don't want her to hate me.

I opt to just shrug and sit down on the bed. I don't look at her, but I can tell she's burnin' a hole right through my skull.

We stay like this for a few minutes. I just don't know what to say, I think of Ken and the fact that she's been held hostage for almost a year. Maybe more, who knows when they got her.

"Buffy," I sigh.

"Faith,"

"It feels like you don't trust me to do my job."

"I trust you, I don't trust the people who want to hurt you. You're obviously a target, why would you put yourself in that kind of danger?"

"To protect you, and everyone else here. Plus I owe it to Willow, she's done a lot for us Buffy. A hell of a lot! And to think her girl was kidnapped in some elaborate plot to kill me. I want to get to the bottom of it."

She's about to answer when there's a knock on the door.

"Girls, sorry to interrupt, but do you mind if I come in?"

B snaps her fingers and the air shimmers. "What is it, Giles?"

"I need to speak with you for a moment."

"This better be good," B says angrily.


	19. Don't Care How We Want It Now

Chapter 19- Don't Care How, We Want It Now

I stop B from openin' the door and I signal to her to wait, I get my commemorative bat from the 2004 Red Sox World Series win from the closet, and go to the opposite side of the door. Don't trust anyone right now. I nod for her to open it when I'm in position.

"Oh bloody hell!" Giles says all woman-like as B swings the door open and I hold the bat over my head ready to strike.

I shrug at him still holdin' the bat. "Can't be too careful, G-man."

He nods and enters with Dawn and Willow filin' in behind him. I take a quick look out into the hall and then into the livin' room. Xander and Andrew are entertainin' my grandmother. She looks like she's havin' a good time, so I let them be.

Once they're in and the door is shut Willow does another sound proofin' spell.

I look at her all suspicious.

"Can't be too careful." She repeats my words and smiles at me lookin' nervously at the bat still in my hand.

"Fuckin' A." I agree and lower the bat to the floor, I lean on it.

"So, what's up?" Buffy says and sits on the bed.

"We thought you might be tearing Faith a new one, so we wanted to let you know what we found out before it got really ugly and she ended up in another coma."

Buffy doesn't protest, she just narrows her gaze at Dawn.

"We're all ears," I say gettin' impatient.

"Yes, it seems as though your apartment has been bugged."

I put my hands up and gesture around the room, lookin' at G like he's lost his mind, "Isn't this still part of the apartment?" I whisper.

"The spell I used wouldn't allow our conversation to be heard." Red says.

"Oh," I'm still not comfortable with all this but I go sit next to B. She tenses up a bit. Fuck, that means she's still mad at me.

"Giles was right, there's something going on in the South of France, but it's a diversion. We've put the team in Nice just to show whoever it is that we've taken the bait." Dawn says.

"Where's the real threat?"

"D.C., we're not a hundred percent but we think someone close to one of the senators may be in on this plot to kill Faith."

"Gotta love the government," I scoff, then I get a thought. "Hey, how do you know _that's_ not the diversion and they're pullin' a double whammy?"

"We've thought of that, and that's why we're sending the rest of the teams to the places Giles mentioned earlier."

"What else do you have?" Damn, Buffy is so pissed, she's havin' a hard time keepin' it in. She's not done yellin' at me, I can tell.

"Nothing else at the moment."

Buffy throws her arms up in the air. "Great, just great. What do we do, just blanket the nation's capital? They're still waiting for any excuse to throw us into Guantanamo."

"We have an idea, but please hear us out before you make any decisions with your fists." Dawn looks at Buffy and then at me.

I shrug, I'm not the one wound as tight as a guitar string about to pop.

"Ok, so whoever is doing this used Ken or a Ken-like person to spy on us. We're not sure if it's her or someone using her likeness."

"Wouldn't a spell have turned that up?"

"Normally, but we don't know what kind of magics they could be using, if they're working for the government it could be pretty powerful." Will points out.

"Holy fuckin' hell! That means we don't know fuckin' dick about nothin'! I mean for all we know my Gee Gee out there could be a spy, too!" I let that thought play out in my mind as I look over B's head out the window. My face must look really frightful at that thought because Buffy gets up off the bed and puts her hand on my arm.

"Faith, NO! Don't think that! That woman out there is your grandmother. I can feel it."

I can feel it, too. But that would be fuckin' clever of the assholes who want me dead.

Giles explains.

"I sincerely doubt it, Faith. Unless you've got reason to think she might be. You see, whoever is doing this only has certain intelligence about who they're replacing. Willow became suspicious of 'Kennedy' shortly after they got back to the U.S. Kennedy didn't remember or seem to know places they had been together. Your grandmother seems to know a lot about her background and things in your past that both of you would remember. Am I correct?"

I sigh relieved. "Yeah, she does."

"Any suggestions on what we do now?" B goes back to sittin' on the bed and she pulls me down next to her.

"Well, we were kinda thinking since we have 'Kennedy' and they don't seem to be too upset about that, we use that to our advantage."

"Meanin'?" Seems to me like they're tryin' not to say somethin'; like me and B will be upset about the plan.

"We send a Faith decoy to France, and Buffy goes with Kennedy to D.C."

"Why would B go to D.C. with Kennedy?"

"Because she and 'Faith' will break up."

"FUCK THAT!!" I jump up.

"Faith, it's not going to be true!"

"I DON'T FUCKIN' CARE, G!"

I can't stand to think of a 'Kennedy' doll or decoy or plant, touchin' B, not even for fake.

"Faith, calm down!" Buffy grabs a hold of my arm and tries to pull me back down. "Hear them out."

Oh, what the fuck! She wants to get all cozy with the fake Ken? That what this is about? I don't say shit because I've learned to keep those kinda thoughts inside, otherwise they create trouble if they're not true. That doesn't mean they're not just below the surface, dyin' to come out.

Like this, "So what, B? You go to D.C. all hugged up with 'Ken', my decoy goes to France and I do what exactly?! Sit on my ass and watch T.V.?"

I couldn't help it.

She gets a smart ass smirk. "Would it be all that bad?"

"Don't even fuckin' joke, that shit's not funny!" I'm not in a playful mood right now.

"Ladies, please calm down," Giles starts but Dawn finishes for him.

"If you two don't stop being so pigheaded and just let us give you the deal, I'll beat you with your own arms!!"

I laugh, Dawnie's threats are the best. B's not amused though.

"So, what would we be doing, exactly?"

"Well, our idea is that Faith would wear a glamour and go with you to D.C., decoy Faith will be in France, and everything else would go on as normal."

They give us a few moments to process.

"B and 'Ken' will be together, as in a couple?"

Willow nods.

Fuck, that means we gotta stage a break up. Shit, that's gonna suck, we won't be able to let my family know it's not real.

"How soon do we leave for D.C.?"

"It would be best to do so as soon as possible. But it will probably take at least a few weeks for the break up and also, for Faith to recover a little more."

Buffy tenses again. I hope that means she's upset at havin' to fake break up or somethin'.

"Can I tell my Aunt and Grandmother at least?"

"Sorry, Faith. We can't have your lives in danger. It'll have to be just us."

"Gee Gee knows about slayers, can I please just tell her? I can't have her thinkin' I'm nothin' but a fuck up."

Dawn looks at Giles and he nods.

"Ok, just Gee Gee. But no one else, Faith! Not even Francie, it's gotta be authentic." She looks into my eyes for an answer, I nod. "Good. Now, we'd better get back out there, nothing else to go over tonight, right Giles?" Dawn can sense me and B need some more alone time.

"Quite right, we can reconvene in the morning, ahh afternoon." He caught the look on Buffy's face and thought better of the schedule.

"Will, don't leave yet," B says and grabs Red's hand. G-man and Dawnie leave the room and I look at Buffy askin' if she wants me out, too. She shakes her head.

Will does another spell once the door's closed.

"Something on your mind, Buff?"

"You, and how you're taking all of this."

Will sighs out, I can see she's about two seconds from tearin' up. Buffy brings her into a hug and that gets the waterworks flowin'. I feel like I should be doin' somethin' to help comfort Will, so I rub her back. She pulls back slightly from Buffy and grabs onto me pullin' me into the hug with them.

I think of how Ken was before she became a mega bitch and the fact that I didn't seem to mind when I had to cut her off.

Even though it was for a good reason, I still feel guilty for not knowin' she wasn't the real Ken. I also think of Will losin' her girl, 'cause we still don't know if Ken's alive or not. That gets me cryin', too. B's already there.

Will's the first to speak, "I just don't know, I mean, I thought something might be wrong, but, but I never thought..."

"We know, Will, we know."

After a few minutes more we all break apart, Will hugs us individually and thanks us.

"What you guys are about to do, well, if you want to do it that is, you don't have to, ya know. I mean, we could think of something else..."

I cut her off, "Is this plan the first possibility that popped into your heads?"

She shakes her head.

"But it's the best possibility, right?" Buffy asks and Willow nods.

"Then we do it, not the first time we've been through the fire for a good cause, right, B?"

"Exactly," She brings Will into another hug. "We're gonna get to the bottom of this, Will. We promise."

B extends one of her arms to me and we're all huggin' again. We're gonna need all the comfort from each other we can get right now.

*****

We spend the rest of the night, eatin' dinner and jokin' around. When the night winds down, me and B see Giles, Will, Andy and Xand out, then Dawn practically passes out again, she's still not used to the time difference. It's fuckin' adorable. Miss Bossy protestin' that she's fine and then havin' to be helped to bed. She used to do the same shit in Sunnydale when B would invite me over for a movie after patrol. Some things never change.

We help my Gee Gee to bed after we get Dawnie all tucked in.

I still don't know if B's pissed at me or not, she likes to save face in front of people, then yell at me in private, so I'm kinda on guard.

I shut the light in the kitchen and stand there for a minute, she was on her way to the bedroom and she stops when she sees me.

Fuck, I'm nervous. She smiles at me and it looks like she's sorry.

"Come here, baby." B puts her arms out to me. I go to her and wrap myself up in her hug.

"Let's get ready for bed and then talk, ok?"

I nod and sigh. She still might yell at me once we're in the room so I don't get my hopes up just yet.

After we take care of what we need to, we're in bed and facin' each other, just starin' into each other's eyes.

"What're ya thinkin', B?"

"About how much I love you," My heart gets that fucked up feelin' and then she narrows her eyes at me and my stomach drops. "And how much I was going to kick your ass earlier."

"Buffy, I know I made a hard decision, but I thought it was a good one."

"Faith, I'm not upset that you made a decision, I'm upset that you didn't consider talking to me about it first. You'd throw yourself into something that you have no idea what the outcome would be, except maybe that you could die, and again, you're thinking that it's only you who will be affected."

Uh, yeah she nailed it. So?

"Don't give me that, 'so' look. I can't believe after our talk in the hospital you're still this clueless."

"About what?"

She draws in a breath, I back up just in case I'm about to get a beat down.

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

"Don't we gotta break up?"

She shudders and closes her eyes for a minute.

"God, that's gonna be so hard and I don't want to start right _now_, Faith."

"I know, B. I was just tryin' to distract you from my stupidity."

"Not gonna work, I've got your number and you can't fool me."

"I try," I smirk.

"I'll never understand why you do it to yourself," Buffy says softly as she puts her hand out and touches my cheek.

I sigh and close my eyes, takin' comfort in the fact that she's bein' gentle.

I know exactly what she's talkin' about, it's the thing we fight about all the time. Why I don't give a second thought to stickin' my neck out on the line, but blow the fuck up if she tries to do the same thing.

"Don't know how else to feel, B. It's somethin' I've always felt."

She shuffles closer to me and brings my head into her chest. I breathe in deep. She hangs onto my head pullin' me a little closer, I turn my head and lay my ear against her heart. It's beatin' faster than normal. I remember the first time she told me it beat like that for me, we were in Scotland, and we were lettin' each other know how we felt.

That seems like forever ago, but at the same time it feels just like yesterday.

Can I ever not be conflicted?

"You matter, Faith. You matter so much to me it's not even funny. Sometimes I can't even breathe when I think of how much I love you and how much it would hurt to lose you."

My first thought is to tell her not to feel that way about me, I'm not worth it.

It makes me want to punch my own face.

Fuck, I deserve to be loved and to have someone feel like they'd die without me. Not that I want her to be all sad and feelin' like she can't go on, but what's she supposed to do? We're in love, she's my life, why can't I fuckin' get it through my skull that I'm her life, too?

I get it now, and it makes me want to get down on my knees and beg her forgiveness. I realize that I still don't trust her love for me.

God damn, STILL! We've been together for two years and I can't fuckin' let go enough of the past to trust her to love me unconditionally. I'm still thinkin' she's one minute away from findin' her true love and dumpin' my ass.

I dunno what's gonna happen in the next few months, but I know one thing. I'm gonna stop thinkin' like an asshole and start realizin' she's tellin' the complete truth when she says she loves me and I'm her everything.

I know I'm gonna need more therapy, because I know this shit's not just gonna resolve itself because I say so, but me realizin' that I still didn't trust her to this extent, is a big start. Thank Christ I didn't have to sit through a few hours of starin' at Pam to come to that breakthrough!

Even if she is nice to look at. Heh.

"I'm sorry, B. I won't do that again. Now, shit, I can't promise when we're in the heat of battle that I won't try to shield you from gettin' hurt by takin' a blow myself, 'cause you can't promise me that either. Right?" I lift my head off her chest and look into her eyes.

She nods.

"So, I can only promise that I won't go off makin' my own decisions about throwin' myself into the fire without talkin' to you about it first."

"Thank you." She leans up and gives me a sweet kiss.

"You're welcome." I say when we break and lay my head on her chest again.

We're quiet for a few moments before I break the silence to ask a question.

"Hey B, does leavin' a message on your _voicemail_ about me plungin' myself into the fire count?"

She reaches down and smacks my ass.

"Brat! You can't resist makin' fun can you?"

"Sorry, that's somethin' I'll never be able to stop. Ya can't make me, either."

She chuckles. "That I can live with. Except when you like to tell jokes while I go down on you. You make me lose my concentration and you know how I hate to be interrupted when I'm eating." She strokes my head.

I can tell she's smilin' without even lookin' at her. She loves makin' naughty jokes.

So fuckin' cute, and so fuckin' mine it's not even funny. I oughta just tattoo my name on her ass or better yet, somethin' that says: "Faith's don't even bother, you can't touch it."

I want to kid and joke around with her more, but we've still got unfinished business.

"So, how's this breakup gonna go down?"

She sighs.

I know it's hard, but she and I gotta start plannin'. Look at me, all 'Plan Girl' now. Damn, I'm growin' up so much I'll be older than Gee Gee in a few months.

"I guess we start fighting in public places. First though, me and 'Kennedy' probably have to spend some time together." I can feel her tense at that.

"Good fuckin' thing Will can do a glamour, huh? Shit, I would seriously kick someone's ass if they had to act all lovey dovey with you, even if it's fake."

"Ditto."

That makes me smile. She said that without hesitation. Damn, I'm the luckiest bitch on the planet! 'Woe betide' to the fuckin' people who think they've got us beat. They won't know what mother fuckin' hit 'em!! POW, Bitches!!!

I'd feel sorry for 'em if I didn't want to personally choke the life out of 'em and rip them apart with my bare hands.

"Now about this marriage thing, I know I said I didn't wanna wait and all, but it looks like we're gonna have to."

"Maybe not," She says quietly.

I lift my head and look at her. "Come again?"

"We can have just a small ceremony. Just us and just tomorrow."

"Huh?"

"You, me, Gee Gee, Giles, Dawn and Xander."

"Really?"

"Absolutely." She wiggles her eyebrows slightly.

Wow.

"You been thinkin' of that for a while?"

"Had a backup plan just in case something like this was gonna come up."

Again with the wow.

I smirk at her, "You can't not invite Andrew, ya know."

"Oh shoot, I forgot. Sorry."

"He can be a bridesmaid." I smile.

She laughs.

"We owe him a lot. He really did save your life."

"I know, and I'll do somethin' special for him."

"You know he loves you right?"

"What?!"

She nods, "I can tell by the way he looks at you."

"Nah, you're nuts. Dude's gay." I think about that. "Isn't he?"

She shakes her head, "He might be a wuss and a bit of a nerd."

"A bit?"

She chuckles, "Plus he loves to worship people who he thinks are cool, but he's got the hots for you, that's for sure."

"Why haven't I seen it before?"

"Do you notice people who are into me?"

"Fuck yeah, I wanna smash 'em in the face when they stare too long."

"Do I notice them noticing me?"

"No, you're always, 'You're crazy, Faith. They were just saying hi.' But I know better."

"I rest my case."

Shit, that blows my Andrew jokes right to shit now.

"So, you think I should give him a roll in the hay as a thank you?" I wink at her.

"I'm not even going to rise to that bait. But, don't make me start planning your funeral when we're trying to plan our wedding."

Such a hotheaded little bitch. Sexy as fuck!

"So, how would the weddin' thing work since tomorrow is like, tomorrow?"

"You want to?"

"Are ya serious?" I scoff. "Nothin' I wanna do more in this world right now then marry you."

She gets a great big smile on her face.

"Well, we get Giles to perform the ceremony, just a sort of joining type of thing, I don't mind that it's not legal."

"Me neither, but as soon as this shit with Ken is over we go to City Hall and we get it done for real."

Again, she gives me that mega-watt smile that makes my heart stop and then suddenly beat a thousand times per minute.

She pulls me in for the hottest kiss I've ever gotten in my life. That's tough to say because we've had some hot kisses. I guess when the love is at its highest point, the kisses are hotter.

Whew, steam should be comin' out of our ears. When we break for air, I lean my forehead on hers.

"Nothin' can touch us, B. No matter what, you got that?"

"I know, baby. We're gonna be ok."

We spend the rest of the night, kissin', talkin', laughin' and just bein' together.

Oh, we made hot, sweaty and passionate love, too. But you didn't need to hear about all that, did ya?

*****

"Gee Gee, I can't give you all the details right now, but there are a few things that are gonna happen in the next few weeks that won't make you happy."

"Is it for the cause?"

I nod my head.

"Then say no more, you don't want to put yourself in jeopardy, Bella. The slayer can trust only herself."

"But your wrong, Gee Gee. Buffy's proven that."

"Yes, but hasn't Buffy been wrong at times?"

"What're you sayin' Gee?" I get upset 'cause she's callin' B's judgment into question.

"Don't look at me like that, Faith. I'm not saying Buffy is a bad slayer, I'm trying to point out that you can't always trust everyone. I don't need to know the details, you tell me things are going to get bad and I will be patient and wait it out. Are you going to France?"

I nod, I hate lyin' to her. But, she's right. Even if she's not a spy, whoever is could kidnap her and try to get the stuff out of her. Damn, that's one of the reasons I justified not gettin' in touch with my family sooner. Didn't want them in danger.

"Now, one thing we're gonna do today Gee, is Giles, Willow, Xander and Andrew are coming for brunch. But what they don't know is that me and Buffy are gonna get married today." She looks surprised and then smiles one of those sad but happy smiles.

"My Bella is growing up. Come give your Gee Gee a kiss, angel." Heh, Angel. Wonder what he'd think to know I'm marryin' his girl. I'd feel bad, if I didn't feel happy about it. Always knew me and B would be better together. Yeah, I'm petty, what of it?

"Don't get all weepy on me, Gee, I don't wanna start bawlin' today."

"Oh, you'll be crying once you see Buffy and you know that she's going to be yours for the rest of your life."

Kinda know that already, don't really need a ceremony to do that for us, but it's nice to have something to remember and to have an official anniversary for.

"I'm really glad I finally came to my senses and decided to call Aunt Dee, I don't wanna think of ever havin' to go through life without my family again."

"Too bad the rest of the family can't know about this. I'm assuming that's the case, no?"

"Right, out of whatever's gonna go down in the next few weeks, this marriage has to be kept secret."

"You have my word," She crosses her heart. "I suspect you're doing this because you and Buffy are to be apart for a while."

"You're right, but not really." I decide to tell her the real deal. "I'm goin' with her to D.C. but it's gonna be in disguise. She and I are gonna break up, so to speak. My decoy will be in France."

"I know I told you that you shouldn't tell me your plans, but I'm glad you did, I don't think I could take it if I didn't know it wasn't real."

"What happened if it was, Gee?"

"I'm getting old, Faith. My heart is not what it used to be. If you and Buffy ever do break up, don't tell me."

"Oh, Gee Gee." I groan. "You can't do that to me! You know what a fu--- mess up I can be. That's too much pressure."

"You just worry about being a good girl, don't worry about being a 'mess up'."

"Got it." I sigh defeated.

Gee Gee takes a ring off her finger. I recognize that one, it's her engagement ring. She takes my hand and places the ring in it, "Here's your something old and something borrowed. Now you just need something blue, and new." She winks.

"Gee Gee! No I couldn't!!"

"Yes, you could, you should, and you will!" She looks at me all stern and shakes a finger at me. "I can still put you over my knee." She gives me the mal' occhio.

I give her a kiss on each cheek and she gives me one on the lips.

"I'll make you proud, Gee Gee. Thank you."

"You've already made me proud, cara mia. Now, you just make that little girl happy. Capisce?"

"Io capisco." I sigh.

"There's a good girl." She pats my hand. "Now, what can I do to help get everything perfect?"

I give her a business card to call someone for the after ceremony dinner. We're not gonna have anything big. Just like a dinner party type deal. I would cook it myself, but I'm gonna be busy clingin' to Buffy all day and night.

We decided last night to start the break up tomorrow, no sense in draggin' it out. The sooner we can get to Ken, the better. We're not gonna take weeks like Giles suggested, Will's gonna help me get better really quick. We don't usually like to rely on the magics too much when it comes to gettin' better, but we're not takin' any chances and lettin' this shit draw out.

The breakup itself is gonna be quick and painful. Giles is gonna take Gee Gee back home to Boston tomorrow mornin' so she's not caught up in the middle of it. She's already told Aunt Dee that I've been called away on business overseas. I hope my Aunt doesn't get wind of the breakup and then try to fly to France to find me and kick my ass.

I wouldn't put it passed her though. Can't blame her, they all love B like she was one of their own.

Like I do, 'cept without the sex. At least it better be without the sex, or we got a problem.

*****

"Mmmm, what smells so good?" Xander's good eye is roamin' all over tryin' to spot the goodies. We have some pastries and finger foods to keep them happy while we go over the business stuff. Then when the ceremony and all that's over, the catering comes. Gee Gee's got that all worked out.

They all think they're comin' over to just go over the plan. Will did a spell and detected all the bugs in the apartment, then made it so they still heard things, but not what we actually said. She's one clever freakin' witch. There were three bugs in all, one in the bedroom, one in the livin' room and one in the kitchen. Buffy fuckin' turned all kindsa different colors when she saw Will find the one in the bedroom. It was right under the bed. Will thinks it's been there for only a few weeks. But still, that's a lot of fuckin' that little thing musta picked up.

Add that to the times in the livin' room, kitchen, and shit, they probably think all we do is fuck and eat.

Not too far off come to think of it. Heh. But really, they would have heard us talk about my family, Dawnie, Red, Ken bein' such a motherfuckin' bitch and all that sorta stuff. We do most of our shop talk at Giles' place, don't like to bring work home.

Today though, we've got to talk a little about the plan, and then it's the weddin'.

B and I spent most of the night and this mornin' workin' on our poems and what Giles is supposed to say for the officiatin'. I love the internet! You can find anything on there. It was awesome researchin' it with Buffy last night, we had so much fun, it's crazy but it probably wouldn't have been this fun if we had waited until December. I hope it turns out like we want it to.

After the finger foods, coffee and pastries are served and everyone's settled, Giles takes out his journal and gives us the lowdown.

"What we've worked out to be the best course of action would be for Faith to visit 'Kennedy' in the facility we have her held currently. Once there, Willow will put in place the glamour and the Faith double will leave after some time. Then after a day or two 'Kennedy' will be released on her own recognizance and thus starts the period in which Faith and Buffy are to break up."

"Then you as Kennedy," Dawn points to me. "Will probably be contacted by the people who are behind this whole deal, we're thinking they're gonna lead you right to what we need to know."

"And if you're wrong?" B asks.

"You guys'll figure it out."

"Dawn, we're gonna need more of a plan than that."

"We can't, B." She glares at me. "Don't look at me like that, we don't have time for more research, you and I will be able to figure somethin' out, just like Dawnie said." Damn, I almost said it would be fun havin' our honeymoon in D.C. because Ken and Buffy are supposed to be goin' there to have their affair, and this would be a great time for me an B to get in a little bit of a honeymoon.

This is actually pretty excitin' 'cause besides the fact that we'll actually be on our honeymoon, there'll be a lot of fuckin' 'cause that's how affairs are supposed to go.

We've even got the hotel all planned. The Mayflower. I remembered that one from readin' about the Governer of New York's tryst with the high class prostitute. Xand wasn't lyin', he did bookmark the girl's Myspace site for me. But actually, as far as places to stay for us goes, the hotel is perfect. It's swanky, high profile, and just what we need to fool the people keepin' tabs on us.

It's gonna be expensive, but Ken's family has money, and she'd be spendin' it exactly on that kinda hotel. I feel kinda wrong for spendin' her money, but it's not all just so me and B can have a honeymoon, it's to find her, too.

Me and B tell them what we've got planned for how the breakup is gonna go down and some other ideas we have and Giles takes notes. I hope he never loses that fuckin' thing, Will must have a spell on it or somethin' so that if someone else picks it up without Giles wantin' 'em to, they can't see shit. We finish with our plans and everyone starts to relax.

"Well then, now that all that plannin' is out of the way." I squeeze B's thigh and then get up and go over to the fire place. "I'd like for everyone to join me over by the fire place."

They all stand up lookin' puzzled and come to the fire place to look inside, probably think we've spotted another bug or somethin'. I give Giles a piece of paper and he opens it and reads.

"Dearly beloved..." He looks at me all wide eyed and disbelievin'.

I nod. "Giles, would you do me and B the honor of marryin' us today?"

He looks over to where Buffy was standin' and is shocked to find her not there. She slipped silently away from the crowd, goin' off to wait for her cue.

Dawn and Willow are lookin' at each other and then at me, and suddenly they're squealin' like little girls. Xander's got his hand over his heart and a big smile on his face and Andrew's cryin' silently. Poor dude. He's too sensitive for his own good. Plus the fact I'm crushin' his girly man heart by marryin' Buffy and not him, must not be good for his ego.

I position the gushin' girls on one side and give them each a small bouquet of flowers, then I pin a boutonnière each on Xander and Andrew and position them behind me, Giles is dead center. I slip on my tailored leather jacket with my own little sprig of flowers already on it and we're ready. My Gee Gee goes to the hallway and I press a button on the remote that's in my pocket.

The sound system starts playin' 'Here Comes the Bride'.

And OH FUCK! Here she comes!

She takes my grandmother's arm and stands there for a few seconds, just lookin' at me. She's got the happiest smile on her face it's tinged with tears in her eyes. My own face breaks out in the biggest grin I've ever had. I think my fuckin' dimples are around my eyebrows right now.

Gee Gee and B start their stutter step walk to the hearth that's servin' as our altar and suddenly the tears that I didn't want to have today, are flowin' outta my eyes to the point where I don't think they'll ever stop. B sees that and hers start up as well. But we're not sobbin' they're happy tears. The best kind.

She looks so damn beautiful; she's in a short, strapless off white silk dress that she wore to a weddin' we went to around Christmas this past year. The dress that I wore got toasted by a vamp party I broke up on the way back from the reception. B broke a heal so she didn't get to quite make it to our punch up, the fuckers managed to rip the dress and not in a way it could be repaired. Good thing we took the car that day. Point is, I didn't have a dress to wear today on such short notice.

I'm wearin' my favorite pair of jeans and no shoes, B's got no shoes on either. We did each other's hair and she loves seein' mine down so that's how it is, I love her neck so I pinned hers up in a tasteful beehive.

Kiddin', it's pulled back and pinned up a bit with some of it hangin' down at the back. None of those tendrils at the side like the girls do for their proms. B looks classy and fuckin' fine. BAM!

Giles is still standin' there like he's in shock. He looks like I reached inside his fly and squeezed his cock. Totally amazed and speechless.

I poke him in the side, just to see if he didn't die and just hasn't fallen yet. He looks at me and then back at B and he gets one of those proud smiles on his faces. He's got a tear or two of his own threatenin' to fall.

Buffy finally makes her way up to the front and my grandmother hands her off to me, Gee Gee gives me a kiss and then one to Buffy and steps back a bit. I hit the button on the remote again, and this time it's just playin' soft classical, not intrudin' in on the moment.

I lean in and give Buffy a kiss. Dawn gives me shit, "Hey! You're supposed to wait for after Giles says 'I now pronounce you slayer and slayer, you may kiss the slayer.' Gosh, so impatient!"

She got a smile on her face, the brat. I can see she's got tears in her eyes, too. Will looks like she's about a second away from Snoopy tears. She holds it together though.

We all step back a bit and face Giles. He looks down at the paper in his hand and clears his throat.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses," He nods at everyone around us. "To join Buffy Summers and Faith Lehane in matrimony," He gives us each a nod as well. "Which is commended to be honorable among all men, women and slayers;" He smiles and everyone laughs. "And therefore - is not by any - to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly - but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, solemnly, and with as much love as humanly freakin' possible." Everyone laughs at that last part that I added. "Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together - let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

He looks around and I glare at Andrew who looked like he was about to open his mouth.

"I was just going to say, 'there's no just cause that I can see', Faith."

"Andy, that's what the 'holdin' their peace' is in there for."

"Sorry," he pouts and it makes me wanna give him a hug, but I'm holdin' on to B so tightly I don't wanna let go and she's doin' the same to me. We turn our attention back to Giles.

"Who supports this couple in their marriage?"

"Me," Dawn says with a sizable lump in her throat.

"I do," Willow sounds the same.

"Ditto for me," Xander winks at me and Buffy.

"Ed io," Andrew says in Italian. Very suave.

"I most certainly do," My Gee Gee says with tears in her eyes.

"And I do as well." Giles adds.

B and I didn't plan all that, it was supposed to be just my Gee Gee speakin' up, but that was wonderful and of course has us bawlin' a little bit more.

"And now, the couple has requested each of you to do a reading they have picked out." Giles hands Dawn a piece of paper.

Dawn gives Willow her bouquet and then looks at us like she's about to lose it again, but keeps her cool. "Um, ok." She squeals a little, "Oh, I love this one! Ok," She clears her throat and begins. "**She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron**"

_"She walks in beauty, like the night__  
__Of cloudless climes and starry skies;__  
__And all that's best of dark and bright__  
__Meet in her aspect and her eyes:__  
__Thus mellow'd to that tender light__  
__Which heaven to gaudy day denies."_

Her voice breaks on that last sentence, she sniffs a bit.

_"One shade the more, one ray the less,__  
__Had half impair'd the nameless grace__  
__Which waves in every raven tress,__  
__Or softly lightens o'er her face;__  
__Where thoughts serenely sweet express__  
__How pure, how dear their dwelling-place"._

She looks at us and smiles.

I picked this out for Dawnie to read, it made me think of Buffy so I thought it was perfect. Especially this next part.

_"And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,__  
__So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,__  
__The smiles that win, the tints that glow,__  
__But tell of days in goodness spent,__  
__A mind at peace with all below,__  
__A heart whose love is innocent!"_

"To Buffy, from Faith, read by Dawn." She laughs.

"Love you, Buffy." I lean in for a kiss and she whispers her love to me before we kiss sweetly.

"Next is Xander," Giles hands him his paper.

"First of all, ladies," He holds his hand over his heart again. "Thanks for letting me be a part of this," His voice falters and I have to look away. Buffy squeezes my hands in comfort and to seek some strength, 'cause she's about to lose it, too.

"**To My Dear and Loving Husband Faith by Anne Bradstreet**, edited to fit the occasion by Buffy Summers."

That brat!! We didn't see the poems we each picked out for Dawn and Xand to read for us.

I smile and glare at her and she blows me a kiss. Xander clears his throat and begins.

_"If ever two were one, then surely we.__  
__If ever Faith were lov'd by Buffy, then thee.__  
__If ever Buffy was happy in a Faith,__  
__Compare with me, ye women, if you can.__  
__I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold,__  
__Or all the riches that the East doth hold.__  
__My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,__  
__Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.__  
__Thy love is such I can in no way repay;__  
__The heavens reward thee manifold I pray.__  
__Then while we live, in love lets so persever,__  
__That when we live no more," _

Xander stops to shed a tear and he lets out a sob, he clears his throat, but his voice comes out strained.

_"we may live ever."_

Giles pats his back and Buffy leans in to kiss me, then she pulls Xand in and gives him a kiss on the cheek. I do the same. We whisper our thanks to Xander and he says that we're more than welcome.

"Andrew, this one is for you."

Andy looks surprised, then looks down at the paper and sighs, he's tryin' not to bawl but he gives a head nod and looks like he's not gonna be able to go on.

"I can't, it's too much!"

I put my hand on his arm. "Please Andy, for me?" I pout.

He bucks himself up and starts, **"Roads Go Ever Ever On" By J.R.R Tolkien" **

"_Roads go ever ever on,__  
__Over rock and under tree,__  
__By caves where never sun has shone,__  
__By streams that never find the sea;__  
__Over snow by winter sown,__  
__And through the merry flowers of June,__  
__Over grass and over stone,__  
__And under mountains in the moon.__  
__Roads go ever ever on__  
__Under cloud and under star,__  
__Yet feet that wandering have gone__  
__Turn at last to home afar.__  
__Eyes that fire and sword have seen__  
__And horror in the halls of stone__  
__Look at last on meadows green__  
__And trees and hills they long have known."_

Wow, he did that perfectly and no one is able to hide their tears. We stop to take some tissues from a box Willow's holdin' out.

Giles blows his nose, "Willow, I believe it's your turn." She takes the paper from him.

"Oh Geeze, Buff." She looks at her best friend and smiles. "When I woke up this morning I didn't realize my Hello Kitty t-shirt, my ripped jeans and my green plaid converse would be what I'd be wearing to your wedding." She laughs and we all laugh with her. She clears her throat and smiles at the paper. **"Hope is the Thing with Feathers" by Emily Dickinson"**

_**"**__Hope is the thing with feathers__  
__That perches in the soul,__  
__And sings the tune without the words,__  
__And never stops at all,___

_And sweetest in the gale is heard;__  
__And sore must be the storm__  
__That could abash the little bird__  
__That kept so many warm.___

_I've heard it in the chilliest land,__  
__And on the strangest sea;__  
__Yet, never, in extremity__  
__It asked a crumb of me."_

She looks up at us with love and hope in her eyes and says, "May we never have to hope you'll have a good life, may we just watch you both live it together."

She added that on the end herself and tears I didn't think I had left in me, spring to my eyes. We have the best friends in the world!

Buffy pulls Will into a hug and we all sob with each other for a minute. She kisses B on the cheek and Buffy gives her a big smooch on the mouth. Will is stunned, so I lean into her and do the same. She leans back and her hand goes up to her mouth.

She sounds amazed, "Gosh, if I'd have known you two kissed like that I would have done it more often."

We crack up and then laugh even harder when she realizes my grandmother is in the room. "And by 'it' I mean read poetry to them." Her eyes go wide. "Shutting up now." She's blushin' a bright shade of red, my grandmother walks over to Will and gives her the biggest kiss right on the lips.

Will's stunned even more, "Oh my, it runs in the family!"

We're all dyin' laughin'. I think Giles might pee himself. My side freakin' hurts. Whew!

After a few minutes, we all regroup and Giles nods at me, I take out my paper from my pocket.

**"A White Rose" by JB O'Reilly"**

I start to read from the paper then put it back in my pocket, I know it by heart. Instead, I reach into my jacket pocket and take out the rose I have especially for this poem. I look into Buffy's eyes and take one of her hands, I hold the rose in front of her with the other.

_"The red rose whispers of passion,__  
__And the white rose breathes of love;__  
__O, the red rose is a falcon,__  
__And the white rose is a dove.__  
__But I send you a cream-white rosebud__  
__With a flush on its petal tips;__  
__For the love that is purest and sweetest__  
__Has a kiss of desire on the lips."_

I lean in and give her the sweetest kiss I've ever given in my life. It deepens and we're lost in each other when we hear Giles clear his throat, for the fifth time.

"Sorry, G-man."

"Quite alright, but as they say, get a room." Everyone laughs. "I believe it's your turn, Buffy."

She doesn't take a paper out, she's memorized hers, too.

"I wish I had a rose to give you, but to make up for it, we'll do another one of those kisses at the end of this." She smiles and winks at me.

"Fine with me, my sweetheart."

She takes in a deep breath and looks at me, it's like she's lookin' into my soul.

"This one is called 'To Be One With Each Other' by George Eliot, who's a woman by the way, weird huh?" We laugh. So Buffy of her.

_"What greater thing is there for two human souls__  
__than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen__  
__each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow,__  
__to share with each other in all gladness,__  
__to be one with each other in the__  
__silent unspoken memories?"_

"I can't think of anything greater, Faith. Can you?"

I shake my head no, I don't trust my voice. I lean in and collect that kiss she promised me.

This time the whole gang, includin' my Gee Gee clears their throats. Smartasses!

"It's my turn now," Giles says reverently.

**"Love Is A Great Thing" by Thomas à Kempis"**

_"Love is a great thing, yea, a great and thorough good. By itself it makes that is heavy light; and it bears evenly all that is uneven. ___

_It carries a burden which is no burden; it will not be kept back by anything low and mean; it desires to be free from all wordly affections, and not to be entangled by any outward prosperity, or by any adversity subdued.___

_Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility. It is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and warrants them to take effect, where he who does not love would faint and lie down.___

_Though weary, it is not tired; though pressed it is not straitened; though alarmed, it is not confounded; but as a living flame it forces itself upwards and securely passes through all.___

_Love is active and sincere, courageous, patient, faithful, prudent and manly."_

"Or in this case, womanly. I wish you both the best, you certainly deserve it."

We both rush in and hug him, he returns it for a moment or two and then remembers he's British.

"Do we have the rings?"

I reach into my pocket and get the ring Gee Gee gave me, Buffy looks panicked like she forgot to get me a ring and Gee Gee taps her on the shoulder, she hands Buffy a ring, too.

Looks identical to the one she gave me. Weird.

"Do you Buffy take Faith to be your lawfully, in this apartment anyway, wedded partner, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," She looks at me and I slide the ring on her finger, perfect fit.

"And do you Faith take Buffy to be your lawfully wedded partner, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

"And beyond that, of course I do." I she slips the ring on my finger, another perfect fit.

"Then I pronounce by the powers invested in my by the Watchers Council of England and The World, that you are slayer and slayer, partner and partner."

"Husband and Wife" Dawn adds all smart-assed.

"You may kiss each other," Giles adds with a wink. "Moreso than you've been doing this entire time."

I hit the remote button in my pocket and the end of a wedding ceremony music starts playin'. Everyone claps.

*****

"Are you happy, baby?" I lean over and whisper in B's ear.

"This is the best day of my life, sweetheart," Buffy leans in for another kiss. We're sittin' and havin' the lunch/dinner that was catered.

"I can't believe we pulled it off."

"We should be wedding planners." She smiles.

"Ok, but you gotta wear the big bubble butt thing."

I'm referrin' to the movie we watched together and lost it at the part where that woman who spoofed J-Lo comes out with the big ass and knocks over a lamp. I think it's called 'Date Movie'. B said the girl in that looks like Will. I don't remember it really, just the beginnin' with the fat suit and the part with the weddin' planner, durin' the rest of it I was too busy gropin' B.

She laughs and kisses me for the thousandth time today. We're probably makin' everyone sick, but it's our day so fuck 'em.

Actually, I shouldn't be that much of a bitch, everyone's been great. I never want this day to end.

Before we break for some dancin', my grandmother gets up and calls us to attention.

"I didn't have a speech prepared, and I'm not going to get sappy, I just wanted to leave you with a Sicilian Proverb: _Ogghiu di 'n summa, vinu di 'mmenzu e meli di 'n funnu."_

Giles spits out his champagne and Andrew giggles.

Buffy looks at me puzzled.

I translate, "The choice oil is from the surface, the best wine is from the middle, and the best honey is from the bottom."

B's eyes go wide and Dawn and Willow join Andrew and Xander in not being able to hold their laughter.

"I couldn't resist, but Bella, you and your wife, is that ok to say? I never know what's politically correct anymore."

"That's fine Gee Gee, call us whatever you wanna, as long as it's not mala femmina," I wink at her.

"Oh, heavens no." She holds up her glass in a toast. "May you and your wife always know what it is to love one another unconditionally, and may you have the wonderfully fruitful and joyful years that Faith's grandfather and I had. May he rest in peace."

We all wish him a peaceful rest because it just seems appropriate, and I get up and hug my grandmother. B does the same and she asks for me to help her to her room.

When we get there she says, "That ring was one your mother stole to buy drugs with, it was my original engagement ring, I was a bit heavier then so the size is yours."

I protest, "Gee Gee, you've given us enough already!"

"Never, it's never enough. Now go back and be with your friends and your wife, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Gee. I'm really glad you were here. You have no idea how much it means to me." I kiss her cheek. "We'll keep it down."

"Have a wonderful night." She gives me a gentle kiss and take her hands in mine and kiss them. I weep a little. "No, cara mia, no tears, this is a happy day, be happy."

"I am," I sob out.

"Good, now go, be with your family. They're wonderful."

"Thanks again, Gee Gee. Good night."

"Buona Sera."

And I go to dance my ass off in the living room and be with my wife. Shit, that's so awesome to be able to say!


	20. Let The Side Show Begin

Chapter 20- Let the Side Show Begin

_Let the side show begin,_

_Hurry, hurry, step right on in,_

_Can't afford to pass it by,_

_Guaranteed to make you cry._

_~Side Show by Blue Magic_

I'm in the kitchen makin' pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, those no meat things Will likes to eat, and biscuits. My Gee Gee is busy cuttin' up fruit for the fruit salad.

Buffy comes in with her wet hair in a towel and lookin' all fine in her robe.

She's definitely got a glow about her. And no, we didn't do the havin' kids spell so she's not pregnant, she just looks so happy. She says hello to my grandmother and gives her a kiss. Then comes up behind me at the stove and wraps her arms around me.

"Morning sweetheart, you cooking to feed an army?"

"Yeah, don't you remember? We got a few slayers comin' in this morning, to help us with the plan."

"Is Giles picking them up at the airport?"

"No they're teleportin' in, as soon as they get their lazy asses outta bed."

"Cool, is Dawn here?

"Nope, she was up and out early, she's gotta go strategize and stuff, she's at the school."

"Do you need any help, honey?"

"You can go help Gee Gee with the fruit," I turn around in her arms and lean in for a kiss. "You can ball a melon." I say with an eyebrow wiggle once the kiss is over.

She rolls her eyes at me but I know she loves my innuendos. "Oh, that has to be the lamest one ever!!"

My grandmother laughs.

"Gee Gee appreciates it, don't you Gee?"

"Yes, and I'm sure you're guests will appreciate you not burning the pancakes, cara."

I sniff the air, "Oh SHIT!!" I jump back around and flip the pancakes before they're black.

"Faith,"

"Yeah, yeah, I know Gee, language. Sorry."

"No, that's not it, why is there a woman out on your ledge?"

I look out on the balcony and Rona's crouchin' down. I can see a couple of other girls crouchin' as well. B runs to the window and opens it. I shut the heat off on the stove and get the pancakes safely onto a plate.

B's helpin' Rona in and they're saying hello and all.

"What the hell happened?!"

"Good to see you too, Faith."

"Sorry, but what the hell, Rona?! We're supposed to be doin' it this way so no one can see you comin' in. Do you think you were spotted?"

"No, but besides, when are you guys ever normal? They won't think anything of it."

"Rona, I know you're one of the best we have, but we don't need this shit goin' wrong. If one thing goes wrong, one of us could die, that means you, too!"

"Faith, sweety, please calm down, I'm sure everything's ok, just like Rona said. There've been weirder things than that happening here all the time." Buffy puts her hand on my back and smoothes it over my tense muscles. "Besides I'm sure there's some perfectly logical explanation as to why Rona and her guests tried to put us in danger." Buffy narrows her eye at Rona. Ha! That's my girl!

Not so out of the shit now, are ya Rona?

I laugh at Rona and extend my hand out to her for a shake.

"Thanks for volunteerin' to help us, and it's good to see you, Bone."

"Bone?" Buffy asks.

"Don't get her started, Buffy. I don't want to have to beat her down in front of you." She smirks at me and pulls me in for a hug. "I understand congratulations are in order," She whispers in my ear and I nod. "'Bout time you made an honest woman out of Buffy."

B's all smiles.

I pull back and look at Rona, "Who're you kiddin'? You're the one who told me to 'F her and forget her'." I wink at her and I see Buffy's happy face goes to one of anger in a second. She's lookin' like she's gonna pop Rona's head with her eyes again.

"Oh, don't you dare!! She's just trying to get me in trouble, Buffy. I told her she needed to marry you like a year ago."

"Well, I'll bet if she keeps kidding around like that our marriage won't be worth the paper it's not printed on." She smiles at me evilly.

Oh shit. She's right, we're not legal, so I better fuckin' keep my mouth shut.

"Hey, why don't we all get cozy around the table and eat breakfast. I haven't introduced you ladies to my grandmother, yet, have I?"

I go about tryin' to distract B from her thoughts, and we all get acquainted.

The two girls with Rona, Sandy and Darcy, are doubles as well, they're here just in case we need backups. Rona's gonna be the main Faith double. She knows a lot about me because of the time we spent in North Africa trackin' some really hard to kill demons last year and she's one hell of a slayer.

I ask her why they ended up out on the balcony and she says there was a younger wicca that performed the teleport spell.

"What the hell?! Will knows how important this is, why would she let a newb do it?!"

"She's got a lot on her plate right now."

I don't want to let the thoughts out that are going through my head when she says that, and I have to bite my tongue.

When we're done eatin' our guests, do the dishes, they don't let me get up.

"Please, Faith. Don't get up, we'll do the dishes, it's the least we could do for a breakfast so awesome." Sandy says and Darcy agrees.

"Well, ok I guess, feels weird though."

Buffy goes to get dressed, and Rona pulls me off to the side. "Hey, really, I'm so happy for you two." She gives me a quick hug.

"Thanks,"

"It's not going to be easy for the next few weeks, you know that don't you?"

"Yeah, I know." But I'd rather not.

"Willow's pretty broken up right now. I think she might need someone to go over there. I didn't want to say anything in front of the others."

"She's feelin' really guilty about Kelly isn't she?"

Rona nods.

"I should go talk to her."

"No, you should let Buffy. It would be perfect. Buffy goes over there, you go to the facility to see Ken, then the whole show starts."

"Yeah," I laugh a bit bitterly. "Step right up, see the saddest show in town for only 50 cents." I mutter.

"Huh?"

"Nothin'" Time to stop thinkin' of my shitty childhood and get on with it.

I go over to my grandmother and whisper a few words to her. This will be a goodbye for us, for now. She's gonna be picked up by Giles in a few minutes to go back to Boston.

"You take care of yourself and Buffy, cara mia. Never forget, your Gee Gee loves you."

"I won't ever forget that, Gee." I give her a kiss on her hands, and then look into her eyes. "If it weren't for you, none of this would be possible. Thank you for," For not lettin' my mom abort me I start to say, but I don't wanna start fuckin' bawlin' right now. I feel like I'd never stop. "Everything."

"You're welcome, I'm so glad I got to be a part of your wedding, it was beautiful. I've never been to a sweeter, more beautiful, more sincere ceremony, and to think it only cost you the flowers and the food. Some people spend millions for words and sentiments that mean nothing to them. What you and Buffy have is something that will never be broken, not even in hardship, never forget that you were meant for each other."

"I won't, I promise you, I never will." I think of somethin' that makes me chuckle.

"What's got you amused, Bella?"

"Aunt Dee is gonna be so pissed when she finds out that she missed our weddin'!"

"Deborah has caused me enough grief in my life to not begrudge me witnessing this. At least she better not; I'll give her a smack to the head she'll never forget!"

"Don't hurt your hand, Gee. She's the testa dura of the family."

"Testa dura is right! Did I tell you about the time she took off all her clothes and climbed a tree with her friend Silvio?"

I crack up. "No! When?"

"She was five and thought that she should be a free spirit. It took me four hours to get her to come down, nothing would make her change her mind. Your uncles even threatened to throw out all her toys if she didn't come down and still she kept insisting she wasn't coming down. Even poor Silvio couldn't stay up there that long, he had just drank a half a pitcher of Kool-aid and had to make pee pee."

Oh, man. I'm never lettin' Aunt Dee live this one down!!!!

"What did you do to get her to come down?"

"Ordered a sausage and mushroom pizza with extra onions. I sat at the picnic table eating it. She was down before I got to the second bite."

"Damn, she loves that kinda pizza! I can't believe she ate it at that age though. I was all about the cheese when I was five."

"Your grandfather says it was because I ate it when I was pregnant for her. It was all I ever craved. Well, that and lemons but a good dose of vitamin C every morning helped with that."

"That's a great story, Gee Gee. Thanks for sharin' that."

"Yes, and I'll bet you'll be telling your Aunt I told you that the second she calls here."

"Oh, I'm not gonna wait for her to call me. I'm callin' now!"

She laughs and pinches me.

"You'll have kids, won't you?" Her look is serious.

"'Course, dunno when, but we've been talkin' about it."

"Good, talking about it is good. Making them is better." She winks at me and I swallow my gum.

"Giulia Giuseppina D'Allesio Fitzpatrick!" I scold her. "You go straight to your room!!"

She winks at me, "You forgot 'Alicia'. Speaking of my room, help me up, I do need to go there. Rupert will be here soon and I have to collect my things."

"Don't go carryin' your suitcases out, me and Buffy will do that. Or me and Giles, B's gotta take care of somethin'."

"Let me go say my goodbyes to her now then. You help your friends put away the dishes, they've got the pans all mescolato." She gestures with her hands to illustrate 'mixed'.

I give her a kiss and a hug, "I'll come see you soon."

"You better." She winks and gives my cheek one last pinch. "Come Bella. 'How Beautiful' eh?" She smiles a sad smile at me. "You remember when your grandfather would say that?" She laughs and looks about thirty years younger remembering my grandfather's stunted Italian, with his Boston accent.

"Comay Beller." I nail his voice and her eyes widen.

"Matty was something, huh?" She smiles fondly.

"He was great." I start to tear up, my grandpa was really a great guy. I'm sorry he died before I got to tell him that one last time. "Just like you're the greatest woman I've ever known, he was the greatest man."

"Oh, I think you've got a great one in the room there. And as for the man, well Mr. Giles is a very great man. Even your Xander, he's a bit unsure of himself, but he's definitely someone to have on your side."

Don't I freakin' know it.

"Andrew, now he might seem a little out there, but mark my words, he's going places that one."

Yeah, to the freakin' nut house.

"Don't look like you're Gee Gee's crazy, I have an eye for these things."

"What about Dawn?" I test her.

"She's the mother of you all, you might think it's Willow, but Dawn is a shrewd one, she acts like she's the little sister, but she's constantly guiding you to behave the way she thinks you should. And most of the time she's right. So listen to her."

"And Willow?"

"She's going through some troubled times, she might try to keep a brave face, but she's hurting, you're going to make it right though, no?"

"I'll do everything in my power to do just that." I say sincerely.

"Such a good girl. Give me another kiss and then go help the girls."

"I love you, Gee Gee."

"I love you too, Bella."

As I watch her go in to see Buffy, I get a really good feelin'.

We're gonna be ok.

*****

"NO, IT'S NOT OK, BUFFY!! YOU'VE GONE TO SEE HER THREE TIMES THIS WEEK!!!!!!!"

"Faith, keep your voice down, the neighbors will hear!"

"I DON'T CARE! IF THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS SEEIN' SOMEONE I'VE TOLD HER NOT TO SEE, AGAIN, THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF!"

"Faith, I'm not going to tell you again! If you don't keep it down, I'm going to Willow's."

"YEAH, WHY NOT GO?! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?! WELL FUCK OFF THEN TOO!!!"

Damn, Rona's got a set of pipes on her. Me and Will are at her apartment listenin' in on the bug we planted. They're really doin' a good job.

And for the record, I sound like a total bitch when I'm mad. Good thing I don't listen to myself, 'cause I'd be kickin' my own ass all the time.

"I can't talk to you when you're like this, Faith! Dawn was right, you're not worth me getting upset over. That's just great, isn't it? My sister comes back from England after you're in a coma and all she wants to do is help out and what do you do? You insult her taste in men, and everything she has worked so hard for. You even told her she wasn't real. TWICE!!"

"I told you to pack your shit and go, how much clearer do I have to be?!"

"No, you go!! This was my place before you came here!!"

Oh shit, that's her first slip up, she's tryin' to recover.

"Look how you've got me all mixed up! But you know what?! I found this place, I picked out the colors and I bought the bed spread that matches it perfectly, so _you_ get the fuck out, not me!!!"

Nice recovery, she did do all those things. Her old apartment was the one where we'd have to find street parking, that was hers before it became ours, this one she found but we moved into it together.

"I'm going to fuckin' France in a week! You can stay here or go to Willow's. I'm not fuckin' leavin', until I leave!!"

"FINE!!"

"FINE!!"

"FINE!!"

"FUCKIN' FINE!!!!!"

"FUCK YOU!!!"

I hear a door slam and I think she just cracked the frame. She's probably blushin' with the fact she knows Will and I heard that.

She dials her cellphone.

Ken's phone that I have in my hand starts ringin', "Hello?" Damn, my voice is Ken's, sounds freakin' weird.

"Hey, it's me. Can I come over?"

"Now's not a good time."

"But, she's being so horrible!! I don't know if I'm safe here."

"I'm just getting some of my things and I'm going to my parents place on 60th and Lexington. You can meet me there."

"Ok, thanks Ken. I really appreciate it." She starts cryin'.

"Don't worry, Buffy. I know how it feels to be tossed out."

Will looks at me and I just realized how that sounds. I shake my head at her not to start cryin' and she holds herself in check.

"Poor thing, here I am blubbing about my problems and there you are going through almost the same thing. Probably without the screaming though."

"Yeah, Will can be a screamer, that's for sure." I wiggle Ken's brows. "But not when it comes to me getting out. I think she's really relieved. Did you know her new girlfriend moved in already?" I say I'm sorry to Will with my eyes. She really shouldn't be here when I do this, but she wanted to be.

"I know, I'm sorry, baby. Ummm I mean Ken. Uhhh I have to go pack. I'll meet you at your parent's place?"

"Sure, I'll be there in an hour. Baby." God that just sucks, but I guess it's believable.

She sounds excited that I added that on the end, "Wonderful! Will your parents be home?"

"Nah, they own it but they don't stay there. My sister usually lives there but she's in Brazil right now."

"Oh, ok. I'll see you soon. Thanks again, Ken."

"You're welcome, Buffy. Anytime."

"Bye." Buffy says with a smile in her voice. Kinda reminds me of when we were first goin' out, she'd be all coy and shy.

"Bye, B-uffy." Damn! I hope they didn't fuckin' pick up on that.

Will makes it so whoever's listenin' in doesn't hear our real conversation.

"You ok, Red?"

"Yeah" she says with a shaky voice.

"You shouldn't listen in to stuff like that, but it's gotta be done." I pull her closer to me and we sit in silence.

After a while she tells me I have to get going, Buffy's gonna be at Ken's parents' place.

"You'll be ok?"

"I will."

"Something you wanna talk about?"

"Do you think Ken's alive?"

"I hope so, Will. I promise you that we'll find out one way or the other."

"I can't believe I just wrote her off like that."

"Will, you and her were havin' problems for a year, you didn't just 'write her off'. Most people wouldn't put up with shit like that for that long."

"I know, but..."

"Will, no buts, don't beat yourself up over it. We've got a mission here, and I know it's not the most important thing in the world, but it does kinda mean life or death, so you'll need to be focused. Just concentrate on trying to help Ken and find out what's going on here. Is that ok?"

She puts on the resolve face, "Yeah, that's ok! Let's do this!!"

"There's my girl," I smile at her.

*****

I pull up in the cab and B's standin' by Ken's buildin' with a couple of bags.

"Sorry, Willow wanted to 'talk' some more."

"Was it with a lot of yelling this time?"

"Yeah, I didn't realize her face could match her hair. She wasn't too happy that I'm letting you stay with me."

"What does she care? She's the one that threw you out, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but you're her best friend, and she's kinda jealous."

"Of what?"

I lean in and quirk an eyebrow, she gets a mischievous smile on her face and closes the gap.

"Of that," I say when we break for air.

Fuck, Buffy just kissed 'Kennedy'!!!! I know this is not the real Ken and all, but that shit with Ken bothered me so much that I still can't stand the thought of them together. Well, I can't stand the thought of B with anyone else anyway, so it's natural that I'd want to strangle Ken. What's not natural is that I'm thinkin' of throwin' myself in front of a cab to get back at Ken for just kissin' B.

I'm one messed up chick.

"Shall we?" B gestures towards the door.

I nod and shoulder my bag, then I grab hers from her, don't need my new bride carryin' anything. Who knew Ken could be so chivalrous?

Once we're inside I do the spell Will taught me, no words are needed, only a few hand gestures and suddenly we see two glowing areas, one is a lamp by the couch, and another is the phone. We're bugged here, too. They're fuckin' good these assholes.

We go through the rest of the apartment and find four more, one in the kitchen, one in the bedroom, of course the perverts put it right above the bed this time, Buffy's been just ramblin' on about her break up with Faith this whole time, you'd never know that we were actually lookin' for bugs if you were listenin' in. She's fuckin' wonderful.

I get her in front of the bed, and notice that the bug they have above the bed looks different, fuck it's glowin' red, Will says that means it's got video, that changes things. Gotta make this look authentic, not just sound it.

I pull her to me and whisper what I've found out about the bug in her ear, she tenses up but immediately plays it off like I'm sayin' some nasty shit about wantin' to fuck her or somethin'. She pulls back slightly and nods at me to let me know she gets it, we have to make this affair look real. She reaches for my shirt and undoes the buttons.

Damn, there's two things that fuckin' make me wanna yark, one is B's about to fuck Kennedy and the other is some fuckin' assholes are watchin' in. That means they can see B's tits and ass and her pussy, too. That thought makes me nuts, because the tits and ass (minus the hole), anyone on a beach in the French Riviera would see, I mean when in Rome right? But the pussy, that's just for me, I stop her before she gets her panties off. She had pushed me back on the bed and was doin' a strip tease for 'Ken'.

"Leave them on, it's hotter that way. Oh, and leave the socks on, too." I wink. "Faith's one lucky bitch, you know that?"

"_Was_ one lucky bitch." She glares. "Now you are," She smirks.

I was about to say 'Fuckin' A!', but Ken doesn't say stuff like that. She's tough and all but doesn't curse as much as me. She was always gettin' after me about that.

"You're not lying." I gesture with my head, "Come here, I wanna feel you."

She slowly makes her way over. I pull her close to me and I can see she's got her eyes shut tight, she doesn't want this visual either. Damn, I wonder if there's a spell Red can put on B to make her see me through the glamour. We'll have to think about that one, could be too confusin' if we were together with Rona, but wait, if B can see that it's me through the Ken glamour then she could see it's Rona through the Faith glamour. That might even be safer since we don't know what the government, or whoever's behind this shit, can pull.

Damn, I'm so fuckin' clever for my own good sometimes.

I pull my boots and socks off, then pull my pants off and slide up the bed, pullin' her with me and sheildin' most of her nakedness from the camera, they'd be able to see her ass a bit, but I'm gropin' that too, so they mostly see my hands on it. I get us under the covers.

It's been about three hours and we're still goin' at it hot and heavy. Or that's what they think, we're really just actin' because we don't wanna be tired out. Gotta keep on guard at all times, never know what's gonna happen.

I did give B a happy while I was ducked under the covers though, I couldn't fuckin' resist, I pulled her panties aside and tongued her up until she came. That was pretty nice. Other than that it's all been fake and she still hasn't really looked at me. She keeps her eyes shut and she's movin' her head from side to side like she's havin' the most mind blowin' orgasms ever.

I'm kinda jealous for a second before I realize I'm a fuckin' nutcase and she's just actin'.

We end up with our heads goin' the opposite way on the bed, but we're still under the covers, they're kinda just tangled up now, and the comforter is on the floor. I spoon her from behind.

"Wow, that was something else! I never knew you were so hot in bed."

"Faith never said anything?"

"All that asshole ever does is talk about herself and how she's got 'wicked mad skills' and she's 'five by five'." I fuckin' have to mentally laugh at Ken's voice sayin' that stuff.

B laughs for us.

"Really? I haven't heard her say 'five by five' in a while. I never understood that anyway."

I used to say it as a way to not say anything. Easier to just say 'five by five' then 'I'm in love with you Buffy, that's why I'm goin' fuckin' nuts tryin' to get you to notice me.' Or other deep stuff like that I didn't want anyone to know.

"That's because she's crazy. I've never understood why you were with her."

"Me neither." She turns in 'Ken's' arms and looks at 'her' with sad eyes, "But that doesn't matter now does it?"

I know this isn't for real, and she's just actin' but my heart apparently doesn't know that, because I feel like someone just stabbed me through it. I have to bite my lip not to tear up. Whoever's watchin' probably thinks I'm bitin' it to be all sexy lookin'.

She leans in and gives me a lovin' kiss. Then pulls back and whispers in my ear, "Oh, god, please let this be over soon."

I pull back and smile like she just told me she loved me, "I feel the same way, Buffy. You have no idea." I lean in and give her another kiss. When we part again, she's got her eyes shut tight, "I know it's sudden and all, but would you mind coming with me to D.C.? I've got some business to take care of down there and I'd like to make it a pleasure trip as well." I wink at her.

Ew, I kinda hate my affair skills. But that's cool, 'cause I don't plan on usin' 'em, EVER.

"Sure, that sounds wonderful."

We pretend to have sex for another hour or so. I'm so good at it I should be in porn. But then Buffy'd shoot me and I'd be all dead and junk.

This time around I wanna live, even if it's through shit like this.


	21. Things Can Only Get Worse

Chapter 21- Things Can Only Get Worse

Author's note 3 February 2009: I just wanted to thank everyone who has stuck with this story even with the piss-poor updating I've been doing. I promise, I will update more frequently from here on out. The story's already completed, I just have to get it up here. I also wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed, you guys are very special, I love every one of the reviews you leave. Sorry I can't say a personal thank you right now, as soon as things get less hectic in my life I will take a moment to thank you guys. Enjoy!

Song credit: The Carnival is Over by Dead Can Dance

"Mmmmm, morning baby."

I feel a hand on my ass, caressing the cheek.

"Mornin'..." Fuck! I was just about to say, "B". Then I was gonna ask her if Giles called and let us know he and my Gee Gee got to Boston ok.

I gotta push all the Faith and Buffy stuff to the back of my mind, gotta concentrate on Ken and Buffy. Still wanna upchuck when I think of it though.

"Did you sleep ok, Ken?"

I turn over, reach out and pull her under me. I bury my face in her chest. It feels so weird havin' to be Ken and knowin' we're gonna have to be this way until we find out what really happened and who's behind all this. It makes me sad, and I wanna cry. She strokes my head knowin' how I'm feelin' right now without me havin' to say anything.

"I slept wonderfully, Buffy." My voice is muffled because I've got my lips on her skin.

"That's the best I've slept in a while, too."

I pick my head up. "Really? Why?"

"Faith's been so horrible lately, she thinks there's something going on between us."

"In case you haven't noticed, there is." I wink at her.

"I know, but there wasn't when she was all accuse-y. She didn't trust me."

I look into her eyes all deep and meaningful, "I trust you, that's one thing you can always count on, Buffy, my trust."

She smiles like I just said I fart gold coins.

"I've always thought you were pretty, but you're sensitive, too. I like that about you."

God damn, I wanna make a joke about her bein' pretty sensitive and then feel her up, maybe finger her clit a little, but I can NOT get over the fact that people are watching and they see Ken, includin' Buffy. I should bang my head up against the wall a few times, maybe that'll help.

"I always thought you were stuck up, but I like that in a girl, oh, and I've always thought you were hot, so totally hot. Your double is nothing compared to the real thing. I don't know what I was thinking by getting with her."

"What's that song, 'Ain't Nothin' Like the Real Thing'?"

I sing it to her, and fuck! Who knew Ken had a good singin' voice? B's surprised, too.

"Wow, your voice is beautiful." She says all amazed and then leans in for a kiss.

Man, I don't know about this whole thing, my stomach dropped when she said that about Ken's voice, I'm so fuckin' jealous I don't know what to do with myself. I just hope I can keep my wits about me and not take it out on Buffy. I would fuck up a really good thing for no goddamn reason at all.

"Not as beautiful as you." I said that one from my heart. I'll always feel like she's the most beautiful thing in the world. And that doesn't only have to do with looks, 'cause some may argue that Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie are the most beautiful people in the world, but I'm partial to my honey blonde, honey sweet, honey baby. She's got a great heart and she's the most courageous person I've ever met. Yeah, I'm head over heels, so lemme alone. I'm feelin' all vulnerable and shit.

Ken's phone rings and I'm brought out of my thoughts.

"Shhh, it could be Willow." I get the phone off the nightstand and look at the display. "Yep, it's her."

"Yeah?" I say into the phone soundin' a little short.

"Kennedy, Faith called here looking for Buffy, is she with you?"

"You know she is. What's up?"

Buffy starts to rub me and blow kisses into my ear. I try to push her off a little. She giggles and it can be heard through the phone.

"You might want to stop having sex long enough to tell Buffy that she should call Faith, she's got something to talk to her about."

"Hey! It's none of your business what we do, you've got a new woman now. Me being in that mental facility was probably just so you could switch me for a newer model." I cringe at that.

"You shut up with that Ken! You're the one who cheated first!"

"Look, we've been over and over this already. I'll tell Buffy that Faith called but I don't know if she's gonna call her back. I don't rule what she does."

"Just tell her, ok?"

"Yeah, ok."

"Bye"

Before I get a chance to say goodbye to Will she hangs up. She's good at this, and again, I feel sad. This is gonna suck so hard.

"Will said Faith's looking for you."

Buffy sighs, "I better call her or she'll be tearing things up. I'll bet she's boxing my stuff up as we speak."

"How can she just get rid of you like that? I thought she loved you like no other and she'd never let you go. She told me one time you were her world, and no one could ever touch that."

I can see a spark in B's eyes, she can tell I did say that exact thing to Kennedy.

"I said some things that she didn't like."

I can see she's gettin' sad about what she supposedly said to me, it must be somethin' that she'll hate me havin' to hear even if we both know it's not true.

"Like what?"

She hesitates and then closes her eyes, when she opens them I can tell she's sorry for even thinkin' what she's about to say.

"I told her that I was only with her because we had some mission we needed help with. I haven't loved her for a long time."

"Damn that's harsh. I can see your point though." I look at her all caring. "How long?" I don't know why I wanna hear this shit, but it's like I need to.

"For over a year or so."

"Why would you be with her like that and not be in love?"

"Why would you do the same thing with Willow?"

"Good point." I chuckle.

"I thought it was."

I lean in for a kiss and again she closes her eyes before my lips get near hers. I hope she's picturin' me when I kiss her. Damn, see that?! I gotta let go, it's just actin'!!

Ken's phone rings again and we break apart.

"It's Faith,"

"Let it go to voicemail," She tries to get in another kiss.

"No, Buffy. Let's just get it over with, ok?"

She sighs and takes the phone out of my hand. She opens it and says hello, takin' the comforter and wrappin' it around her as she gets out of the bed.

I get up and pull it off of her. She looks at me shocked.

Who's she tryin' to hide her goods from? We gotta be authentic. We're gonna hafta talk about this a little more, I can see by the glare she just gave me. She listens to "Faith" and then begins yelling into the phone.

"No, Faith! No!! Don't you dare!! Yeah?! I'll have your name taken off the lease so fast it'll make your head spin!! You'll have to talk to my lawyer then. What?! I do so have a lawyer!! Don't do anything, I'm coming home now!"

She presses end in a hurry and then looks around for her clothes.

"She's trying to sublet the apartment. That bitch! She has no right, I found it!"

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, that wouldn't really be a good idea."

"I don't want you going there by yourself."

"Awww, you're so sweet," She stops what she's doing and puts her arms around my neck. "I really appreciate how you've been."

"It's the least I can do for you, you've been so good to me," I wiggle the brows and bring her closer to me. I can't resist nibblin' her earlobe. Mmmm she smells so good right now, I wish we weren't being watched and I could take off this glamour and we could make love for real. I wonder when we'll be able to do that, I'll have to work something out. The thing is that we need whoever's watchin' us to keep watchin' and buy the whole affair thing.

She giggles when I start caressin' her neck with my nose. "Well, maybe you could just come with me but wait outside. If anything gets nasty I could call you to come up."

"If she did anything to hurt you, I'd have to finish the job I started a couple of months ago."

"Yeah, that was freaky. I can't believe it's been a couple of weeks and already she's acting like a mega bitch. I thought we could work it out between us, but I don't think it'll ever be like it was." She sighs and gets dressed, I head toward the shower and she stops me. "I wanted to ask you, how'd you get the police to let you go?"

"Will fixed it. She knew the cops wouldn't be able to handle me. Plus, I think she wanted to put me into that mental facility thing so she could feel good about moving on."

"But why would you shoot and stab Faith like that?" B's gettin' a little irritated, like she's talkin' to the actual Ken. I hope she doesn't lose the plot here.

"There's a lot you don't know about, Buffy. I can't go into detail, but it was for a good cause."

Her face looks like it's about two seconds from beatin' me, but she recovers. "As long as it's for a good cause, I trust you, I was just wondering why. Are you mad that I asked?"

"Nope, you wanna take a shower together?" I wink at her.

"No, I better get over there before she has all my stuff out on the curb. I'll just wash my face and brush my teeth if you don't mind. You can meet me there."

"Are you sure you'll be ok?"

"I'm a slayer, what could happen?"

*****

When I get to our apartment buildin' I can see some of B's things on the sidewalk, a couple of shirts and a pair of shoes. They're haphazardly strewn about and there are a couple of people lookin' up at the window.

Shit, they're really playin' this up. I can hear yellin' comin' from the window.

"...your bitch!!"

"Fuck you, Faith!!"

A pair of pants gets thrown out the window. I notice it was the stuff B had in a pile to give away to Good Will, she's shrewd that one.

"Stop it!!"

"Get your shit out of here!!"

"Would you stop?!" She pops her head out of the window and waves slightly when she sees me. "People are watching and you're gonna get us in trouble with the police, you can't throw things out of a window, you might hurt someone!!"

"I don't care what people see and fuck 'em if they can't duck!!" Rona pulls B out of the way and throws out a couple of stuffed animals. Oh shit, one of them is the replacement Mr. Gordo I sent her from Cleveland when she first went to Scotland, she didn't know who sent it until I told her when we got together. I'm gonna fuckin' kill Rona when this is all over. "You're a fuckin' bitch, AND you smell like cunt!! Was Kennedy good?!"

Uh oh, Rona used the C word. Sure enough I see Rona yanked back in the apartment and hear a slap. Shit, I hope B didn't hurt her too bad. Suddenly, I hear shit bein' thrown around and them scufflin'. Buffy calls out for me. Well, she called for Ken. I run up there takin' the steps five at a time.

The door's open and when I get in, 'Faith' has Buffy up against the wall holdin' her up by her throat.

"Greetin's, Ken." Her back is to me and she doesn't make any effort to turn to see me. "I was just tellin' B here that you two make an interestin' couple." Her voice is upbeat but scary.

"Put her down, Faith." I go with measured and even tones. Buffy's strugglin' but I can tell she's really holdin' herself up by Rona's hands, it's not the other way around. There are no video bugs in here so this is more for the sound authenticity than anythin' else.

"Why don't you make me?"

I leap out at her and drop into a roll, when I come out of it I elbow the back of her knee, not too hard but she goes down on it. Jumpin' up I pull Buffy towards me while pullin' Rona's grip off of her neck.

"Jesus, Faith!! You were chokin' me!!" She coughs and rubs at her throat. Such a good actress, I should maybe talk her into tryin' out for Hollywood. Don't know about those asshole directors who like to 'teach' starlets a thing or two about actin' though, I'd have to break their legs. Why the fuck am I thinkin' about this? Focus, Faith!!

"Kinda the point of why I had you up against the wall by your throat, B." Rona jumps up and assumes a defensive stance. "You want a piece of this, Kenny?"

"No, I'd rather not have a piece of shit loser try to do their worst in hurting me. And I do mean _worst_." This reminds me a lot of the time in the church when I was in B's body and we were about to fight. I pull out a switch and flick the blade open. "This'll do more damage than that letter opener, believe me." I turn the blade a little and she can see the top is forked.

Rona's a good actress too, 'cause as soon as she sees that and the look in my eyes she charges me like she's lost her mind. B gets in between us and we're strugglin' and scufflin' for a while, finally I get Rona in a head lock and put the knife blade to her throat.

"Buffy's with me now, you got that, Faith?"

"Fuck you." Rona says through gritted teeth.

"Nah, I got the best girl right over there, she fucks really nice." I pull my arm tighter around her body diggin' the blade into her neck just a little. "I don't need to fuck some no account whore like you."

"Kennedy, let's just get my stuff off the sidewalk and go!!"

My phone rings again, without losin' my grip on Rona I reach into my pocket and answer it, it's Will again.

"Faith, I did a spell so no one can hear what I'm really saying, you just have to listen ok? The bug that's in the apartment would still work so they could hear what you say."

"Yeah, what?"

"I don't know, Faith. I'm losing it over here, I'm thinking about what I've done and I can't stand myself."

Fuck!!! I knew she'd be beatin' herself up over this. She tried to tell me she wasn't, but I fuckin' shoulda known better. I should've stayed with her longer and talked more the other day.

"I don't know what to do." She starts cryin'.

"Stay there, I'll be right over." I don't wait for her answer and slip the phone back in my pocket. "Buffy, go get another bag and we'll put your stuff from the sidewalk in it." I pull Rona a bit harder, "Now Faith, I've got to take care of a few things, you'll be ok here by yourself won't you?" I say that in a smartassed tone.

"When I get out of this grip you better watch out."

"Will taught me some spells, one is a nice paralysis spell, it lasts about twenty four hours, funny though, it doesn't stop you from having to go to the bathroom and stuff. Are you wanting me to use that on you?"

She hesitates and then shakes her head,

"What was that? I can't hear you."

"No, you fuckin' bitch!!"

"Are you gonna be good now?" I pull on her a little harder but not enough to hurt. What I'm about to say would hurt enough anyway. "Buffy doesn't love your sorry ass anymore, you should go find some skank who deserves you."

She struggles and starts cryin', damn I know I'd start bawlin' if I were her, which I am and that's fuckin' confusin' lemme tell ya. She looks at B and I can tell Buffy's heart is breakin'.

"B, please, we can make it work." She holds out her arms pleadin' for mercy.

Buffy shakes her head, "I've been trying to make it work, Faith. It's over." She puts her head down, she can't stand to see me cry.

I let go of Rona and she slumps to the floor, she's defeated.

"I still love you, baby!" She starts sobbin' hard. Oh fuck, the tears are threatenin' to spill out of my eyes and I can hear Buffy sob slightly.

"Don't listen to her, Buffy. Just think of the times when she was a bitch, like always. You know, we should get the stuff off the sidewalk now."

"But..."

"No, Buffy. Let's go, I'm here for you now. You don't need this loser." I go to her and pull her with me. "Get an empty bag and let's go."

Rona's really layin' it on thick now and I fuckin' wanna go comfort myself. Man, I'm pretty pathetic when I'm cryin' and wailin'.

I help B get a bag and she throws a couple of other things into it and we leave Rona there cryin' and carryin' on.

When we get down to the sidewalk the guy from the grocery store next to our buildin' is pickin' B's stuff up.

"Thanks, Vinny. I really appreciate you doing that." Buffy takes the stuff from him.

"It's true, Buffy? You and Faith broke up?"

She nods sadly.

"Oh, man! Oh, man!" He shakes his head. "I'm sorry to hear that, you guys were the best couple! You made me have hope that one day I'd find my true love. Oh man, that really..." He looks at me and stops talkin'. "Sorry, but, damn."

I nod at him. I feel really bad, Vinny is like an uncle to us.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, Vinny, but things weren't going that great for a while. It's for the best." Buffy says sadly.

"Don't know about that, but whatever you say, Buffy. I better make her up a box of stuff, she'll probably forget to feed herself."

"Yeah, thanks."

"I'll see you around, maybe?"

"Maybe."

This really sucks, I mean really! But it's kinda nice to know that people care about us. Sucks that it has to be this way.

We get Buffy's stuff and I put her in a cab, I told her that I needed to get to Will's place in a hurry.

When I get to Willow's I open the door with the key I know to be theirs, it's all intricate lookin'. I let myself in quietly, there's some really spooky music playin'. Sounds like Dead Can Dance.

_Outside the storm clouds gathering,__  
__Move silently along the dusty boulevard.__  
__Where flowers turning crane their fragile necks__  
__So they can in turn__  
__Reach up and kiss the sky._

Yep, that's the song about the carnival bein' over. My best friend from Boston turned me on to that one, too. This song is perfect for a black ass mood. Will's probably got it playin' on a loop.

_They're driven by a strange desire__  
__Unseen by the human eye__  
__Someone's calling._

This guys voice is so hauntingly beautiful, and I don't usually say shit like that.__

_I remember when you held my hand__  
__In the park we would play when the circus came to town._

Will starts really bawlin' at that line.

_  
__Over here!_

I stay standin' in the foyer, just listenin' for a bit. Not sure what I should do here.

_Outside__  
__The circus gathering__  
__Moves silently along the rain swept boulevard.__  
__The procession moves on the shouting is over__  
__The fabulous freaks are leaving town._

_They're driven by a strange desire__  
__Unseen by the human eye._

_Someone's calling,__  
__The carnival is over._

I gotta do somethin'. I move to the entryway of the livin' room and just stand there. She lifts her head and looks at me, her face is tear stained and she's got a glass in her hand. Shit, she's been drinkin'. From the looks of the bottle she's been drinkin' a lot. She looks at me all bleary eyed and tries to focus.

_We sat and watched__  
__As the moon rose __  
__For the very first time_

The glass falls out of her hand and I go to her. Sure enough the music starts up again. I look around for a remote.

"Will, what's goin' on honey?" I'm pattin' her shoulders and she hugs me around the waist. I can't see the stereo.

"Oh, Ken!"

Oh shit.

Fuck, she's really toasted. This isn't gonna be easy, not in the least.

I bend down and whisper in her ear, "Hey, Will it's me, Faith, are we safe here?"

She nods all drunkish, "Put the spell on before I started drinking."

"Why're you drinkin' like this? I thought we talked about this, Will."

"She's dead, Faith! I know it!!!"

My heart clenches at that. I hope that's just drunk talk and Ken's not really dead.

"How do you know?"

"I know! I can feel it!!!" She wails and I bend down and pick her up in my arms. I hold her like that for a moment or two.

_Someone's calling,_

_I remember when you held my hand__  
__In the park we would play when the circus came to town._

_Over here!_

She burrows her face and cries into my neck and I sit down on the couch with her in my lap.

_Outside__  
__The circus gathering__  
__Moves silently along the rainswept boulevard.__  
__The procession moves on the shouting is over__  
__The fabulous freaks are leaving town._

We're just gonna have to wait this one out for a bit.

_They're driven by a strange desire__  
__Unseen by the human eye._

_Someone's calling,__  
__The carnival is over._

Wish the music wasn't playin' over and over, but sometimes you need that kinda stimulation to help you get it all out.

I sit and listen to Willow cry for the girl she thinks she's lost.

_We sat and watched__  
__As the moon rose __  
__For the very first time_

I can feel my tears spillin' out 'cause, fuck I don't wanna think it, but I think she's lost her, too. Up until now I've been positive and thinkin' we'll get her back, but I have a feelin' in my gut that I can't shake. Like even if Ken's not dead, she'll never be the same again. Whoever's got her has had her for over a year. That's gotta be some fuckin' torturous shit she's goin' through.

I whisper to Will softly, "We'll get her back, baby. You'll see."

She shakes her head all sad.

"She's dead," She picks up her head and looks at me. "Aren't you, Ken? Huh? You're dead right?"

Damn. This is too fuckin' freaky.

"No, Will."

"You're sweet for saying so, but I think you're dead, Ken. Isn't that just great of me to think that?" She says all sarcastically cheery.

Her tears start up again harder. The music repeats. My heart's fuckin' breakin' here.

_Outside the storm clouds gathering,__  
__Move silently along the dusty boulevard.__  
__Where flowers turning crane their fragile necks__  
__So they can in turn__  
__Reach up and kiss the sky._

_They're driven by a strange desire__  
__Unseen by the human eye__  
__Someone's calling._

_I remember when you held my hand__  
__In the park we would play when the circus came to town._

_Over here!_

"Hey Will, do ya think maybe we can shut the music? Where's the remote?"

"No remote, no stereo. I'm better than Itunes!" She goes to snap her fingers and can't quite make 'em work. "Damn, I can't snap. Oh well, it'll just keep playing then."

Damn. I sit and listen to the calliope type music playin' and think of all the shit me and Ken have been through.

_Outside__  
__The circus gathering__  
__Moves silently along the rainswept boulevard.__  
__The procession moves on the shouting is over__  
__The fabulous freaks are leaving town._

_They're driven by a strange desire__  
__Unseen by the human eye._

_Someone's calling,__  
__The carnival is over._

I hug Will to me and kiss her head over and over. "I'm so sorry, baby. So, so sorry." I can't stop thinkin' that I should have done something more. Dunno what I could have done, but I can't shake the feelin' that I fucked up once again.

_We sat and watched__  
__As the moon rose __  
__For the very first time_

She picks her head up and looks into my eyes. We just stare at each other for a while. The music starts again, but this time there are no words. What would they say anyway? There _are_ no words to be said.

She leans in and I can smell the whiskey on her breath. It's kinda intoxicatin'. I feel an anticipation in my gut and my pussy aches. That sobers me up a bit and I pull back.

"Will, what're you doin'?"

She leans in more and tightens her grip around my neck. "Please, let me do this," She whispers, "Please."

Fuck, what am I supp...She's kissin' me. I should push her off but I don't. Not right away anyway. And don't fuckin' think I'm gettin' my jollies here either. I'm lettin' her have a bit of what she may never get again.

I can feel it's like her goodbye to Ken. I know I should still be positive but Will's breakdown is kinda convincin' me that the worst has happened.

When breathin' becomes an issue she pulls back and looks at me. "That was nice, but I can feel it's you, Faith. I won't tell Buffy, ok? I'm sorry for using you like that. You just look so much like Ken, right?"

Her voice is breakin' my heart. Again.

"Right. You do what you need to, Will. Whatever you need."

"Hold me a little more?"

"Sure, I'm not goin' nowhere." I shift with her in my arms and make us a little more comfortable on the couch. This has been one fucked up and confusin' day. And it's only just the beginnin'.

"Hey, Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"How fast can you get me to the bathroom in the hall?"

I jump up and pull her with me like the fuckin' Flash. I hold her over the bowl as her stomach empties itself into the porcelain receptacle.

She starts laughin', "Wow, _that_ was fast." I cringe as she tenses up and another round of spew goes flyin' into the toilet. I pull her hair back away from her face and bend down holdin' her as she shudders and shakes.

When her body finally has had enough, she sits back on her haunches and sighs. I lean over to get some toilet paper so she can blow her nose and wipe her tears.

"Thanks, I must look so beautiful right now."

I kiss the back of her head, "Always thought you were beautiful, Red."

She laughs, "Yeah right." Her head cocks to the side and she looks like she's listenin' to something. She snaps her fingers and the music stops.

"Whatta ya mean, 'yeah right'?"

"You, miss 'wicked cool', 'five by five' chick thought homely little Willow Rosenberg was beautiful? You're just saying that, but I appreciate it just the same."

"Don't tell me what I thought, Will. I thought you were sweet and beautiful. You think I wasn't jealous of the time you got to spend with, B? Thinkin' she would fall big time for you."

"Oh please, you spent way more time with her during the time between you coming to Sunnydale and then going evil. Besides she always had the hots for you."

"Doubt that. But still doesn't take away from the fact that I thought you were hot, so don't tell me what I thought. Kay?"

I rub her back and she puts the tissue in the toilet and flushes. She's watchin' the water swirl around.

"Blech! I need to brush my teeth." I help her up and she makes her way to the sink on unsteady legs. When I'm satisfied she won't pitch over I go and clean the bowl up so it's not all yarky lookin'. I know how Will likes to be tidy, plus I don't wanna give her any more spew-filled ideas.

I wait until she's done with her teeth and face, then I reach into the medicine cabinet for some aspirin. I fill a glass with cool water and hold it out to her. She tries to take the pills from my hand but can't quite get a grasp on 'em. I stop her and hold one out to her, she puts her tongue out and I put one on it. She takes a drink and then holds her tongue out again and we repeat.

Once that's all done she sighs and hands me the empty glass. I put it on the counter and wait for her to tell me what's next.

She looks at me and then snaps her fingers, I catch my look in the mirror and I'm me again, she immediately throws her arms around me and starts bawlin' again.

"Oh, Faith! It's so good to see you!!!"

Heh, feel like tellin' her she's a nutcase, but she's a wonderful nutcase so I let it slide.

"It's good to see me too, Will." I look at myself in the mirror. Yep, it's fuckin' great. But she better not pass out before she puts the glamour back on.

"I should go to bed."

"Ok, Will, I'll help ya get dressed and all tucked in, but you gotta put the glamour on before you pass out again."

"Here's the spell I used, I made it so you could say it once and then think it and snap your fingers or cluck your tongue or wink your eye." Her face gets all goofy. "Heh, wink, that's a funny word."

So silly this girl is. I love it but she's still breakin' my heart.

"What spell, Will?" She's got her hand out but I don't see nothin' in it.

"Oh, sorry." A slip of paper materializes. Shit, I knew she was good, but I have a feelin' she never shows us how good, just so that we're not too scared of what she can do to us.

Poor, baby. She's always worried we're gonna ditch mousy, homely ol' Willow Rosenberg. She's so fuckin' wrong, but it shows me that we've all got our demons to deal with.

Makes the fact that she thinks she knows we've lost Ken harder to bare.

I hold it together though, don't need to get her bawlin' again, she needs rest. I pick her up in my arms and she stirs a little.

"You're wonderful, you know that?"

"Thanks, I try."

"I know you do, and I really admire that about you, Faith." Her head lolls back a little and I secure her a little tighter and support her head. She opens her eyes again and tries to focus on me. "We treated you..." I stop her right there.

"Like I should have been treated, don't start all that up, it's in the past, Will. Let it stay there, ok?"

"Ok, but..."

"Will..."

"I know, 'no buts'..." She giggles.

"What's funny?"

"Imagine if there were no butts? We'd look all weird."

Nutcase. Heh.

"Yeah, my favorite jeans would seriously suck."

"I love you in those jeans, they hug your ass just right." Her head snaps up and she looks horrified. "Oh god, don't tell Buffy I said that!"

I chuckle, "I promise."

We finally make it up to her bedroom, this place really is somethin' to see.

I help her out of her clothes and into a nightdress she got out of her dresser, looks all frilly and Willow-like, 'cept it's kinda cut low in the front.

That harlot. I smirk at her.

"If Vicky can have 'secrets'," She gestures to her ample bosom on display, "So can Willy."

Damn, I crack up at that.

"And what a beautiful pair of secrets they are." I wiggle the brows at her.

We laugh a little more and I get her all tucked in. "I'm gonna call someone to watch over you, Will. I know you're not a child but you need someone right now and me and B have to go away soon."

"I know. You can call Xander, and Kelly's still staying here, but I kinda been avoiding her lately."

"You shouldn't do that, she's not a home wrecker."

"I know," Will says sadly. "I'll be better soon."

"Really?"

"No, but it's good to say it, isn't it?"

I smirk sadly.

"I'll put the glamour back for you before you go, don't lose that spell, you and Buffy can use it when you want to see each other for real. I'm still looking for that other one you asked me about. It's a great idea by the way. I don't know if it exists but I think I can swing it."

She's tired I can tell. I kneel down beside the bed and take her hands in mine.

"You have no idea how much I love you, Will. You know that?"

"Huh, Buffy loves me, too. Never thought I'd be in a love triangle."

I feel a vibration in my pants pocket, I think it was someone textin' me. I get the phone out and look at the display. Yep, from B.

**'Ken, where are you? I'm worried. I'm back at your parents place all lonely. Buffy xoxoxoxoxoxoxo x 3.'**

I smile at the number she left, it's our code for "I love you". Three little words.

Her leavin' it in code means she's thinkin' about me and how I'm really doin', not fake pretendin' to care about where 'Ken' is.

I text her back. **'Be there in about an hour, keep the bed warm for me.'**

If I texted '3' back they would pick up on it. She knows that and it's great to be able to communicate without words.

**'Kay, see you soon, honey!'**

"You've gotta go, I know." Will says all sleepy. "Here, lemme put the glamour back on."

"Wait a second, Will." I grip her hands in both of mine again and pull her to me. "You're a wonderful woman, Willow Rosenberg, and if Buffy weren't my universe, you'd definitely be my world, you got that?"

She smiles and I pull her in for a kiss.

Damn, even drunk she kisses like a minx.

She snaps her fingers and the glamour gets put back on. We break the kiss and we're catchin' our breath.

"Sorry, I needed to do that without feeling like Buffy was going to kill me, even though if she ever found out that I was kissing you, even with the glamour on she'd totally rip my arms off and feed them to a bear."

I laugh. "Get some sleep, Will."

"Send Xander, he'll know what to do."

"Was thinkin' the same thing. Thanks for everything."

"No, thank you, Faith. You're so good to me, I don't know what I would have done without you here."

"Listened to Dead Can Dance singin' about the carnival bein' over until you turned into a clown and joined the circus."

"Probably. Ken and I used to always go to the circus when it was in town." She gets sad again. "But let me stop all that and let you go, I have some passing out that needs to be done."

And she does just that.

I smooth the hair out of her face and kiss her forehead softly. I hope I can make this right. She's done so much for us, now it's our turn to do this for her.

I text Xander to come to Willow's place, she needs his help _now_. I wait around to make sure he texts back that he'll be right over and I sit and listen to her breathe awhile.

I sing a few bars of the song she had on infinite loop.

_They're driven by a strange desire__  
__Unseen by the human eye__  
__Someone is calling.___

_I remember when you held my hand__  
__In the park we would play when the circus came to town.__  
__Over here!_

Damn, Ken really has a beautiful voice.

I get sad as I realize the song was right.

The carnival _is_ over. It feels like a hundred people left us all alone at a party for no apparent reason.

Shit, I know one thing, the carnival may be over, but the show isn't, that's for fuckin' real. And whoever's pullin' this shit on us is gonna die with my fists pummelin' into them like a fuckin' freight train.


	22. Starin' Blankly Ahead

Chapter 22- Starin' Blankly Ahead

Song credit: A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton

When I get "home" Buffy wraps herself around me and we stay huggin' for a bit, she knows there's somethin' goin' on with Will. A best friend can usually tell those types of things, and Buffy's pretty intuitive anyway. She's drawin' comfort from me as well as givin' it. I don't let our moment linger on too long though, there's a performance to do. We have to act all hot and heavy and in 'new' love so we can't have too many poignant moments like that. Which completely sucks because I live for those sweet moments, I've become a total wuss like that, and really is that such a bad thing?

We pretend to make love for a while, and then pretend to bask in the afterglow. Buffy gets a call from Giles while we're layin' there all quiet and she says she has to go. She's gonna stay at his place tonight. She'll go over strategies and contingencies, Ken's persona non-grata right now with the Scoobs, so I can't go with her. We make plans to meet over in Jersey tomorrow at Teterboro, Ken's dad has a private jet there and we're takin' it to D.C. We've still got to find out who's behind all this shit.

After B leaves I don't know what to do with myself, I want to call Xand to see how Will's doin, but she's probably still passed out and he probably fell asleep, too. He's been puttin' in some long hours to try to help figure out what's goin' down.

While I'm sittin' there all alone Ken's cell rings, I look at the display. No name pops up; how's that fuckin' possible? Not even a number. I guess these are the fuckfaces we've been waitin' to hear from.

"Hello?"

"I see you've been with the blonde slayer, very, very nice." The voice sounds like it's distorted by one of those talking devices, it has a hint of an accent but I don't recognize anyone it could be. "That makes what we need to accomplish a lot easier. We've been watching the other one and she's nothing but a sniveling mess. You certainly have delivered thus far on your part of the deal. You'll be handsomely rewarded."

"Thanks," 'Who am I?' I wanna ask this person, but I doubt they'd tell me. Probably'd push a button and take me out with a missile if they knew we were on to them. I hate havin' to think that the government's behind this, 'cause that's gonna be really hard to deal with when the shit hits the fan.

"How soon will you be going to Washington?"

"Tomorrow, I'm taking the jet." Shit, I don't know who I'm supposed to be, someone pretending to be Ken, or the actual Ken. I have to stay on my toes, because if I pretend to be Ken and say shit like 'my parents jet' they may get suspicious.

"Very well, we'll have it all ready to go. Buffy will be accompanying you?"

"Yes, of course, we can't get enough of each other." I laugh sarcastically. Ugh, I hate this shit.

"Excellent, I believe you'll be very happy with your accommodations."

Yeah thanks asshole, I paid for them out of Ken's money, I better get that shit reimbursed.

"Thanks, is there anything else I need to do before I leave?" Kinda goin' out of my mind with just sittin' on my ass here.

"No, you just relax and enjoy your night off."

"Wonderful."

"Goodbye, Kennedy."

"Bye."

I hang up and don't know what that's supposed to mean. If that's the person that's supposed to be spyin' on us, then why would he call me Kennedy? Wouldn't he have another name for me, because I'm supposed to be _pretendin'_ to be someone, _pretendin'_ to be Kennedy, right?

Shit, maybe that person is being watched, so they might have to keep up appearances, too.

This fuckin' shit is gettin' too complicated.

I need to clear my head. I need to get out and walk.

I need to slay.

When I get outside I sling Ken's slayin' bag over my back, it has a few stakes and other stuff that comes in handy while slayin' in it. I decide to head towards the FDR drive, I want to be near the water. That song from White Chicks pops in my head.

_Making my way downtown __  
__Walking fast __  
__Faces pass __  
__And I'm home bound_

Buffy loves that song; she used to play it all the freakin' time. I would upset her by doin' the routine from the movie. The one where the Wayans brothers are supposed to know the song but they really don't so they fuck up the lyrics. She'd be doin' stuff around the house and jammin' to it, and I'd break her groove by bein' a bitch and makin' fun.

But ya know what? I'd fuckin' sing the song from the top of the Queensboro Bridge AND walk a thousand miles if I could really see her tonight. Just her and me and no glamour. Or clothes. I really need her.

My stomach growls when I see a Subway restaurant, so I stop in for a foot long sub. Sweet, they have a sale goin' on, 12 inch sub for 5 dollars, it's a broke slayer's dream. 'Cept I'm not broke no more, I just need a meatball sub. Even if it's not as good as the one from my favorite place, fuck it! It's food and it has tomato sauce and melted cheese. What's not too love? I decide to get an Italian meats one, too. I don't got shit to do, I'm bored and I don't remember eatin' recently. I get a bag of Doritos, man they've got a million different flavors now, I also get a couple cookies and a soda, too. I realized I'm really fuckin' starvin'. I pay, thank the clerk for making my sandwiches with a 'thanks man' and look around, they've got tables in here but I'm too restless to sit inside, I decide to take them to go so I put all the stuff into "my" backpack.

I'll sit down by the water and eat. It's a pretty nice evenin', not too cold or nothin', 'sides I got this kick ass leather jacket of Ken's to keep me warm if it does. Sun's goin' down later so the vamps won't be out for another hour or so and things don't really get swingin' until 11 anyway.

That'll give me some time to collect my thoughts. Fun. It'll be like collectin' moldy pennies, 'cause my thoughts usually run to shit I don't want to know about anymore.

It's not a bad area around here, they've got some good stores, Diesel's here, Levi's and Ann Taylor, that last one's more of a Buffy store, she likes to buy tasteful stuff, so that her meatheaded fiancée can rip it off her. Heh. Oh, I guess I'm not her fiancée anymore, but we're not really legal, so I guess I am.

See where thinkin' gets me? A bunch of shit goin' through my brain.

_Staring blankly ahead __  
__Just making my way __  
__Making my way __  
__Through the crowd_

That's it Vanessa Carlton, you sing those thoughts right outta my head.

I sing a few bars and remember that Ken's got a good voice. So I belt out some more:

_And I still need you __  
__And I still miss you __  
__And now I wonder.... ___

_If I could fall __  
__Into the sky __  
__Do you think time __  
__Would pass us by __  
__'Cause you know I'd walk __  
__A thousand miles __  
__If I could __  
__Just see you... _

Some girls walkin' ahead of me turn around to see who's singin'.

"You should record, your voice is awesome!" One says while walkin' backwards, she's a pretty, petite blonde with curly hair and glasses. Her friends are all agreein'.

"Thanks, maybe you'll see my name in print one day."

"Yeah? What is it? I can tell my family and friends I knew ya when."

I shake my head, "Nah, just kidding, I got a better job, I don't need to be a superstar."

"You're crazy, you'd probably make a lot of money."

I shrug, "Money isn't everything."

The girls laugh and I can hear them sayin' I'm nuts and all. They turn down the next street and go into a store.

I'm still, makin' my way, makin' my way downtown. Heh, I still love to make fun of that song.

As I get closer to the FDR drive, I spot a place that looks like a night club. Oh shit, that's Scores, a 'gentleman's nightclub'. I can see some people millin' about outside, one girl that looks like she could be a dancer for the place looks up and notices me.

"Ken!"

Huh?

I look behind me.

"Yeah, you! Where've you been?!" She looks out for traffic and crosses the street, comin' to confront me.

Fuckin' Ken, she better not have cheated on Willow with one of the Scores whores. Shit, I'm bein' kinda harsh, they gotta make money somehow. I guess if dancin' and strippin's what they do best, then who am I to judge?

"I've been around."

"Yeah, but not here, you know how this place can get!" She lowers her voice and looks around before she leans in and says, "Mandy was killed last week, by one of those assholes with the bumpy foreheads." She's tearin' up. "Where were you? You usually come around at least three times a week, you haven't been around in forever!"

"I'm sorry, I've been away, but I'll make sure no one's messing with you guys or anyone else around you again."

"That's bullshit, Ken and you know it! Christy said she was with you last week."

Fuck, this 'Ken' is sleepin' with the girls, but stopped protectin' 'em.

"Is she the blonde?" I have a feelin' so I went with it.

"Oh my god! You've been bangin' her for six months and you don't remember that she's blonde?! You're a fuckin' piece of work!"

Uh oh.

"Uhhhhh"

"Yeah, good comeback, genius." She narrows her eyes at me "Shit, I used to think you were different, you helped us out and went about your business. Who knew in a few months you'd turn into a total fuckin' creep?"

"Look, I'm sorry, I've got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, and on your tongue, too. Don't think Christy don't know about your new bitch."

"What new bitch?" If she fuckin' means Buffy I might have to smack her. But, damn! I can't blow my cover.

"The new little blonde bitch that she's seen goin' into your place. News travels fast around here."

"Shit yeah it does. What's Chrissy doin' spyin' on me?!"

"_Chrissy_?! Are you for fuckin' real? You really are some kinda asshole aren't you?!"

Sums it up. But how much of an asshole I am is the question.

"Why don't you tell me what kinda asshole I am?"

"You fuckin' propose to a girl and then just stop callin' and comin' around, then when you show up again you're with another bitch." She better stop talkin' about Buffy like that. "If I didn't know how strong you were I'd fuckin' slap you!"

And 'propose'?! What the fuck is this asshole doin'?!

"I uhhhh,"

"Yeah, more genius just spillin' out of your lyin' fuckin' mouth isn't it?! Look, just fuckin' make sure we don't get hurt no more, I'll tell _Christy_ not to count on you comin' around. She's a retard anyway for believin' a chick that has money would marry her. But you shouldn't have lied to her kid and for that I hope you rot in hell."

God, this just fuckin' keeps gettin' better.

"Well, I uhhh,"

"Just shut the fuck up! Are you gonna make it safe around here again or what?"

"Yeah,"

"I'll believe it when I see it." She starts to turn away then turns back and looks me in the eye. "You better not be lyin', I know people." She gets a softer look on her face. "Shit Ken, I can't believe you got mixed up in the relationship drama, you used to be _so_ different. Always talkin' about some redheaded chick you were livin' with. Forgot her name, sounded like a tree." She looks around and then looks at me like she's flirtin'. "If I knew you were gonna go for one of us I'd have gone for you myself, I got less baggage. We could've had fun together me an' you. No strings, right? Oh well, just make sure no one else dies, ok?"

"Ok," I say sincerely.

She leans in and gives me a kiss. Damn, she's a good kisser. I gently push her away.

"Savin' yourself for your little blonde bitch, huh?" She slaps me and then goes back across the street.

Yeah, I really fuckin' needed _that_.

I decide to keep walkin' down to the water, I'll eat and then come back to scope out the scene around the club for vamps. Fuckin' assholes, but I guess it makes sense they'd be preyin' on the chicks who are really good lookin', get a lap dance and then a free meal. Bastards.

After a few more minutes of fast walkin' I finally get down to the water. It really is a nice night. I get out my sandwich and start chowin' down. Don't need nothin' interruptin' me and my dinner. I'd really like to take my time, but those vamps around the club must be gettin' confident and I wanna stop that shit really quick.

Gonna have to clue Giles into what's goin' on around here so that he can get some teams patrollin' there. Guess there wasn't a problem before 'cause the real Ken was takin' care of it. She'd have known about it because it's near her family's place. We usually have patrol assignments all over the city, but we make sure the area around where we or our families live is taken care of. It's been workin' out well for us. Until now, I guess.

I've always loved sittin' down by the water. Clears my head like nothin' else. That's why when me and B plan on gettin' away, it usually involves somethin' near water. I don't know what I'd do if I lived in a land locked area, just seems like it'd be claustrophobic to me.

When I was little, every chance I got I used to go to the wharf or the cape with my aunt and uncles. Even my father's sister Katie, took me to the beach a couple of times. She was always pretty decent to me. My dad flipped out one time because she picked me up and took me to the Cape and he didn't fuckin' know about it first. He called my mom and bitched her out because he wasn't allowed to see me, but she let his sister take me. Like he fuckin' cared anyways.

Well that day, he had my mom so pissed off she said she'd pick me up, but didn't have a car. My Aunt Katie was pissed off because she wanted me to stay and spend some time, so she said she wasn't gonna take me back. I had been havin' a good time up until then, just playin' in the sand and body surfin', the waves were pretty good. But my fuckface father had to ruin it. My mom got one of her 'boyfriends' to bring her to pick me up. She was so fuckin' wasted she practically was fallin' all over herself tryin' to get me up off the towel 'cause I was bein' stubborn. She hauled off and slapped me and my Aunt was bitchin' her out. I noticed someone takin' pictures and it turned out that was someone my dad knew, he was just tryin' to get my mom in trouble. I don't know for sure, and I probably jumped to conclusions but I never went anywhere with my Aunt Katie again, I figured she set my ma up so my dad could get some leverage.

And then like everything he does, when he gets what he wants he fuckin' forgets about it, like it didn't really matter to him in the first place. I say now that I'll never understand that shit, but it was my way of life when I got out on my own.

I finally got what I wanted bein' in Sunnydale, had a chance to be good and make things work. Even though they weren't exactly what I wanted for myself, things were still pretty good. And then I had to go and fuck it all up just because I was feelin' a little left out. Almost got the woman of my dreams killed.

I stop eatin' in mid bite, 'cause I feel like cryin'. I want to just pick up the phone and tell her to come down here and we'd just hold each other, but I know she's doin' important things to be able to find out what's goin' on with Ken. I know it's not as easy as just findin' out why someone wants to mess with us, it's usually got somethin' to do with the end of the world.

I finish eatin' and try to stop thinkin' about my past. That usually leads to badness that I can't bring myself back from, and since I'm gonna be alone tonight I might as well just stop and get down to business.

I get up and dust myself off, I find a trash can and throw all my garbage away.

Should throw myself in there.

A breeze picks up and the words from that girl from Scores come back to me about Will's name soundin' like a tree. That makes me think of what I did for Willow today and I stop myself from thinkin' I'm nothin'. I'm gettin' better 'cause there was a time when I wouldn't have stopped to think of that. I would have just poured more bitterness on until I wanted to plunge myself into the river or off a buildin'. I'm kinda proud of myself for bein' able to recognize that.

Still need to get back into my own body, though.

It's hard feelin' better about yourself when you're wearin' someone else's face.

*****

I get back up around the strip club and people are starting to file in pretty steadily, the sun is almost down, vamps could still come out in this because the buildin's shield the sun pretty good, but it just so happens that the buildin's are shorter down at this end, so they'll have to wait a few more minutes. Gives me time to check things out.

Up a ways on the corner of the street is building and the first thing I notice is that two of the windows are blacked out. Could be some goth kids, or someone who has migraines, but I'm thinkin' that's the vamps base of operations. Lucky for me there's a scaffold on the side of the buildin'. I climb up it and stand just beside the window, I can hear them talkin' about goin' to the club and gettin' a couple of girls. Time to get this party started.

I kick out the window and two vamps go scramblin' behind the couch, the one that looks like he might be the leader was standin' in the kitchen and he crouches down behind the cabinets. I say he looks like the leader because he's dressed really nice, could be a waiter for all I know, but he jumps up and vamps out right away and I have my answer.

"Put the coffee on boys, I'm here." I say with a wink and a smirk while takin' a stake out of my bag. I stand with my arms slightly out to my sides.

"And to what do we owe this honor?"

"To you about to be dust."

"And what makes you think you'll get a chance to do that?" He nods to his friends by the couch.

"About ten years of getting the chance to do that."

The next few minutes are fast and furious, but I feel like I'm in one of those movies that show the action all slow. That usually happens when I'm really confident and know I'm gonna come out on top, I can see ten moves ahead and nothin' or no one can touch me.

It's pretty sweet but I wish B was here so we could share the experience together, and then go home and take care of the hornies together. Heh. Yeah, it's hard to keep it in my pants sometimes.

After a while I look around and I'm alone in a dusty room. Ken's phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby, where are you?"

Good thing it's Buffy, if it was another girl I didn't know I'd be really pissed.

"Out, I was just taking a walk."

"Well, Willow just called me, she wanted to call you but she feels bad about what happened earlier, she'd like to apologize."

"Tell her that's ok, it was nothing, I mean we're breaking up, there's bound to be some bad stuff said to each other."

"That's true, Ken. But she'd really like to tell you in person, so if you get a chance you should go over there."

"That would be ok with you?"

"It would be perfectly ok, I know you love me now, just don't do anything that will get you in trouble with me."

"I wouldn't do that, Buffy. I told you, you can trust me.

"I know, Ken. Don't worry, I'm ok with it."

"Thanks, I think I'll go over there now. Should I call you when I'm done?"

"No, that's ok, you're probably gonna be there for a while. I'm going to bed soon myself, I'll call you tomorrow and make sure you're up, we need to be at the airport early, don't we?"

"It's a private jet, they wait on us, but it would be good to leave early, maybe around 11?"

"Sounds great. Is the car gonna pick me up?"

"Of course, I can have it stop here and pick me up, too."

"Mmmm that sounds nice, spending more time together is always good."

"Good, I'll see ya tomorrow then. Have a good night's sleep."

"Without you here? Not a chance, but I'll try. You be good."

"I always am." Ugh, still hate this shit. I have to sound all cutesy and flirty, and even though this is my woman it's still someone else's voice.

"Goodnight, Ken."

"Night, Buffy."

We hang up and I look around. I guess Will really needs to see me. Good, at least I won't be alone.

Still sucks that I can't see Buffy, though.


	23. Happy Endings Do Happen, Sometimes

Chapter 23- Happy Endings Do Happen, Sometimes

Song credit: No One by Alicia Keys

Author's note 5 February 2009: I know that last one was short, sorry! It was originally supposed to be part of chapter 21, but the site I was posting on wouldn't allow a chapter that big so I had to cut it in two. Here's the next chapter to make up for that. Again, thanks for the wonderful support, you guys are awesome!

Will's door opens as soon as I walk up to it. That's fuckin' freaky, I hesitate a second and move to the side so I can see in, I get my stake out and hold it close to my body.

"Hey, Will?! I-it's me, Ken. Are you here?"

"Come in! I'm in the living room."

"Everything ok? The door just opened by itself."

"Yep, perfectly fine."

I still walk in mega slow and pressed up against the wall so that nothin' can sneak up behind me. My heart is goin' fuckin' nuts, I hope I'm not walkin' into a trap here where someone's holdin' Will hostage. Shit, that would really suck!

The door closes behind me and I jump a little. Damn, where are those nerves of steel I usually have? Checked the fuck out for a minute I guess.

"Are you ok out there?" Will calls out.

"Yeah, just stopped to tie my shoe." I shrug, it works.

"Oh, ok." She sounds puzzled. I'm still not takin' any chances, it could be a trap and whoever's got Ken might be messin' with Will now.

I finally get to the entry way to the livin' room and I see her sittin' on the couch. She instantly smiles when she sees me.

"I'm so glad you came! We're not alone though."

"No?" I fuckin' knew it!! I don't show my panic at all. "Who's here?"

"Oh, just us." Willow comes out of the door to the kitchen followed by Xander and Giles.

Wait, what the fuck is goin' on here?! Two Willows?

All of a sudden the Willow on the couch starts laughin' and everyone else is sayin' things like, gotcha and surprise. The Will next to Giles snaps her fingers and Buffy's suddenly revealed as the other Willow. She jumps up and runs to me. I catch her in my arms.

"What the hell, B?!" I'm surprised but happy, but still, what the hell?!

"I wanted to see you so Will helped me out! Also, we need to do a little strategizing all together so Giles and Xander came, too. Are you happy to see me?"

"Happy?! I'm fuckin' ecstatic! Am I me?" I touch my face.

"Yep, Will took your glamour off, too."

"Thanks, Will!!"

"No problem, it was the least I could do for you after today." She winks and suddenly I remember our kiss today.

Uhhh, damn. I think I might be blushin'. B doesn't see it 'cause she's too busy tryin' to climb me.

I hold her off just slightly 'cause we got other guests, I give her a big huge kiss though. Fuck, it's like I haven't seen her in years, and I guess it's because I've been feelin' so needy lately. I'm gonna have to buck up though, 'cause we don't know what we're in for and we could be this way for a while.

"Mmmm, I really needed that." B sighs out when we break. I rest my forehead on hers, and give her nose a sweet kiss.

"Me too, B. Me too."

Giles clears his throat and that brings us back to reality.

"Hey, G-man! How was the trip to Boston, my grandmother get in ok?"

"Yes, quite. She's called me twice today, it seems as though your Aunt is taking the news of your break up with Buffy, very hard."

"Oh, shit."

"Indeed."

"I better call her," I look around for a phone. B hands me my real one and I dial. "Hey, Lee,"

"Faith! You haven't been answering your phone, ma's been goin' nuts here!"

"I'm ok,"

"Don't lie!! What the fuck happened? Buffy's with someone else now?! What the fuck did you do?!"

"I didn't do nothin'! Calm down!"

"Didn't do nothin'?! You're a Lehane, you must have done somethin'!!"

"Hey, fuck you, Leah! Don't give me shit, ok? Things were goin' bad for a while, Buffy was just bein' nice by comin' up to see you guys, and I'm sorry we didn't tell you before."

"So that's it, you fuckin' bring her up here and lie to us and we're supposed to what? Not be mad?"

"Look, I thought I could get her to love me again, ya know?" I start to tear up. Buffy's lookin' at me and poutin'. Giles, Will and Xander go back into the kitchen.

"Sorry, Faith." Leah sighs. "Sorry, I didn't know. I mean I knew you two were fightin' when you came up, she told me and Kara that after you had gone up to say your goodnights, but she said things would be ok."

"We thought so, but after we got back things just went downhill."

"Damn, that really sucks, you must be devastated."

"I've been better that's for sure."

"I'll bet, I don't know what I'd do if me and Kara broke up now."

"You guys seem to be solid. Hey, how's Gee Gee?"

"She's good, she seems to be sad about you and Buffy. But you know her, she's not givin' away any of your business."

She's the fuckin' best woman in the world. I hope I'm half the woman she is when I get to her age.

"Well, it's no big mystery, we're not together, she's with someone else. I have to stop bein' a baby and deal."

Buffy comes up and puts her arms around me, she hates to do this to my family as much as I do, so she's showin' her support.

"If you need someone to talk to ya know I'm just a phone call away."

"Thanks, Lee. I really appreciate that."

"You're welcome. I'll tell Ma ya called, she's out with my dad, I think they went drinkin'."

"No shit?"

"Yeah, don't worry though, she's on a three drink limit, but she's been kinda stressed lately."

Fuck, I hope that's not all because of me.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, it's just she really liked Buffy."

Oh, fuck.

"Me too, Lee. One day, who knows, maybe things'll work out again."

"I hope so, Faith. Everyone really thought she was sweet."

"She is." I tear up again, and Leah tells me it'll be ok. Buffy squeezes me and gives me a kiss on the side of my head.

This is just too freaky.

"I better get goin' Joey's fussin', he probably needs his diaper changed. Are you gonna be ok? Do you need me to call you right back when I'm done?"

She's a sweetheart.

"Nah, I'll be ok. Really, I'm gonna be goin' to France in a couple of days, got a big assignment. I'll call your ma before I leave though. Don't worry, I'll be ok."

"You better not do nothin' stupid, Faith. I mean it. I'll find someone who can bring you back and kill you again myself."

She thinks I'm gonna kill myself. Probably would be pretty accurate if me and B did split up and then she was bangin' Ken outta the blue like that.

"You have my word, Lee. And if you say anything about me bein' a Lehane and my word, I'm gonna kick your ass."

She chuckles, "No, I'm slowly learnin' that not all the Lehanes are douchebags."

"Good," I was about to say, 'because Buffy's a Lehane now, so you better not.' But is she? We haven't talked about whether we would change our names if we got married and what name we'd choose. "I promise, I'll call before I go to France. Tell your ma and dad I called and I was askin' for them. Ok?"

"Yeah, I will. Take care, Faith."

"You too, and tell Kara I said, hey. Give Joey a kiss for me and tell your sisters I said to be good."

"You got it."

"Gee Gee asleep?"

"Yeah,"

"Ok, well I won't bother her then, I just wanted to say hi to her."

"I'll tell her you called, too. As a matter of fact if we stay on this phone here any longer, it'll be tomorrow and you'll be able to talk to them all yourself."

I chuckle, "You don't know the phrase 'Respect your elders' do ya?"

"Don't worry I respect you, just not to your face."

"That's good, I guess."

She laughs, "Night, Faith."

"Night, Lee."

We hang up and I feel pretty good about things. I think I left things just up in the air enough that they'll be worried but not too worried. Don't want 'em thinkin' I'm gonna off myself.

I put the phone down and sit on the sofa, Buffy follows me over and practically sits on my lap. I lean more into her and whisper in her ear.

"So you got me here, what're you gonna do with me?"

"You'll see, later, first we've gotta meet with Will, Xand and Giles."

"They could meet and we could borrow the notes." I nuzzle her ear and she 'mmmms'.

She gently pushes me off her, and says, "Not that I wouldn't love that, and right now, too, but we've gotta meet with them, Faith. It's important."

I sigh, "I know, I was just bein' me, ya know."

"Yeah, I know, and I love you so I love when you're bein' you. That Ken glamour was kinda getting to me, I needed at least one more night with my baby before we got into the heavy stuff."

"You've got a feeling that D.C. is gonna be pretty intense, too, huh?"

She nods sadly.

"Well then, I'm glad you thought to do this, I didn't think of it at all. I was just down by the water lookin' out at the river and mopin'."

"Did you slay? I thought I could see a hint of 'I just slayed' in your eyes when you first came in."

"Yeah, on 60th, but let's get the others back in here, I'll tell everyone."

*****

"There were only three of them in the apartment?" Giles asks while takin' notes.

"Yeah, and it didn't look like anyone else lived there, they had a futon and the couch was made up, and then they just had the one bedroom. Only looked like one person was sleepin' in the bed."

"This was where you say?"

"On 60th, down towards the FDR drive, near a titty bar."

"Scores?" Xand adds helpfully.

"Dog," I smirk. "And yeah."

"Hey, it's the 2000's and I'm an adult, like you've never been in Scores." He gets all offended when I call him on his guyness.

I look nervously at B. "No, never."

She narrows her eyes at me, "Never?"

"Maybe once, but not that one, and uhhh only for a little while. One of the girls thought it would be funny to go in, and I thought I spotted a vamp goin' inside."

Buffy lowers her voice, "We'll talk about this later."

I'm in trouble now. Thanks Xand! I look at him and he's tryin' to look away. Finally he meets my eyes and shrugs, 'cause yeah, even though I blame him, I really walked into that one myself.

"You say Kennedy had been patrolling around that area quite frequently and then stopped?"

"Yeah, but the time frame don't add up, this girl that recognized Ken said she'd been patrollin' the area up until about six months ago. Then it's like she became a different person."

Giles looks thoughtful, "And we've been under the impression that Kennedy has been someone else, or mind controlled for at least a year."

Everyone nods.

"Could be that the fake Ken patrolled and shit to keep up appearances and then got bored after six months." I shrug.

"Could be, but we have to check and think of every possible reason for their behavior, no matter how small we think it is. It could be the clue we're looking for." Giles takes off his glasses and puts them in his mouth. He picks up a book and turns to a particular page. "This is the senator's aide that we've been suspecting has some ties to the 'underworld'."

"Mafia?" Buffy asks.

"No, hell. He's been spotted in some of the demon bars around the capital."

"Can we get a copy of this?" Buffy asks takin' the book from Giles to study it closer.

"No, you can't take anything with you that might be found in your luggage and alert them to what you're really doing there. Never forget you're being watched at all times."

I look up from studyin' the guys face with B. "Even when we take a leak?"

"I don't know, but it wouldn't hurt to err on the side of caution."

Willow puts down the phone and comes back to the table. "I told Vi about the area around Scores, she's going to have some girls stake out that area. She was also giving me the scoop on the latest Buffy and Faith gossip she's overheard. Apparently Faith cheated on Buffy with Britney Spears, and that's how their relationship devolved."

I crack up and B's smirkin' at me. "Oh you'd love that wouldn't you?"

"To be with someone crazier than me? Why not?" I shrug.

"She does seem to go to Starbucks a lot, imagine all those free mochas, Buff." Willow adds with a smile.

Buffy glares at her friend.

"And the clubbing and dancing up on tables." Xander adds with a grin of his own.

"See, B? Everyone's on the 'I wanna be with Britney' train, why don't you hop on?"

"You're serious?"

"Nah, but it seems like crazy fun, ya know?"

"I have crazy fun with you," She gets up and sits on my lap wigglin' her ass on my crotch a bit. "Don't I?" She gets that look on her face.

"Uhhh, yeah you do." I pull her in closer for a kiss.

"And just like that they forget we're in the room." Xander says and Willow laughs. We break apart. Giles is busy cleanin' his glasses, but I can see a little smile on his face. He's happy his main slayers have finally found each other. Either that or he's happy we've stopped beatin' on each other.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly.

"Oh, no need to be sorry, that's one of the reasons you're here." Willow winks.

"Huh?" The others all smile knowingly.

Did they bring me here to watch me and B get it on? That's too kinky even for me!

"Will's giving us a sort of a honeymoon as a wedding present," She gestures towards Will's guest room. "When we're done with the strategy, we go in there for a honeymoon to remember."

Hmmm, sounds kinda weird, but whatever, she planned it so I'll go with it.

"Ok, then, are we done here?" I wink at Giles and he clears his throat and looks all awkward, "Just kiddin' G-man, what else do we need to know?"

"Just some logistical stuff, nothing major." Xander says and he brings down a screen and presses a button. "Will can you get the lights?" She snaps her fingers and they dim. Sometimes I just sit in awe of her powers, the others have known her longer I guess so they're not as mesmerized.

A bunch of maps pop up on the screen. Nothin' major, huh? I have to laugh to myself and then pay attention, this stuff is serious.

We go over the area we'll be staying and what we should look out for and look into. But we're mostly flyin' blind because whoever we're trackin' is supposed to be gettin' in touch with us, and then we play it by ear.

It's good to be prepared though.

After about another hour or so Giles finally says we've gone over all we can, he and Xander get up and say their goodbyes they each give us a hug and wish us luck. Xander gives me a little device that looks like a walkie talkie but really thin and has no speaker.

"It adheres to your skin and blends in, we'll be able to track you. I gave one to Buffy already."

"Cool, but I thought Will could do a locator spell?"

"Sometimes those aren't as accurate, this baby is 100% accurate, Andrew had his crew test it all last year, it works." Xander's clearly impressed with the device.

"Alrighty, anything else?"

"Have fun!"

"Oh yeah, a real ball."

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate you coming." Buffy says.

"Hey, don't forget to get the girls patrollin' around 60th. Oh, and tell Rona not to answer the phone if my Aunt Dee calls. Ah, don't worry, I'll call her later."

"I'll tell her, you'll be busy for a while." Xander winks. "Have a wonderful time on the honeymoon. See you later." He gives us each a hug and gets ready to be teleported back to the school by Will, they still have some midnight oil to burn.

Giles turns around and looks at us, "Be careful, and look out for each other."

"We will," Buffy says and hugs him again.

"Who're you tellin'?" I wink at him. "We're nothin' but careful."

I hope.

*****

Willow comes out of the room we're stayin' in, "It's all ready, you guys have fun." She smiles a huge smile. With a wave of her hand she makes stuff that looks like campin' gear appear on the ground.

"Uhhhh, what?"

"You'll see," She winks at Buffy. "You take as long as you like, it'll have little impact on time out here."

"You messin' with the temporal fold Will?"

"Just a little. Nothing major."

"Yeah right."

"C'mon Faith, let's go!" Buffy bends down and picks up some gear she runs in the room. I can see into the room, doesn't look any different to me. Nice and big and all, but not a campsite.

"She's so impatient!" I laugh and pick up the rest of the gear and follow her in. As soon as the door is shut I have to hold onto my fuckin' head. The scenery changes and suddenly we're in a fuckin' forest!!

"Uhhhh, I don't think we're in NY anymore, Toto."

Buffy laughs, "Isn't Will the best?!"

"You're not kiddin'!! Holy Shit, B!! It's our camping trip dream."

"Yeah, she had heard about it, and wanted to do this for us."

"I take it we only have a few hours."

"Like she said, we can take as long as we want, the time out there won't be affected."

"Shit, can we stay here for a year?"

"Whatever you want, but I wouldn't want to camp for a whole year, what would I do without my mani/pedis?"

"Heaven forbid your toes go without a buff." I wink at her.

"You worship my feet and you know it."

They are pretty fuckin' cute. Heh.

"Pick up that side of the cooler." B says and I look at her like she's nuts.

She points to right behind me. "Shit, where did that come from?"

"Willow, she set a few things up here already, we'll have enough food for as long as we want."

We each pick up a handle on the end and start walkin' down the path. This place is pretty sweet, exactly like what I imagined in my dream.

As soon as we get passed the heavy outcropping of trees, we come to a clearin'.

Holy mother of god!

It's the awesomest lake I've ever seen. There's even a little beach and it has a pier. Buffy's eyes are as wide as mine.

"Remind me to kiss Will senseless when we get back, ok?"

"Fine with me, you think she'd take a threeway as re-payment?"

"Yeah, you think Xander would want to join in?"

"Nah, he's not into stuff like that, but Giles would."

"Oh, really? How about Andrew?"

"He's on the holodeck right now with me and a couple of my clones, all having their nasty way with him."

"Stop right there, it's gone too far!" Buffy says with her hand over one of her ears.

I knew she couldn't last as long as me. She's really so fuckin' jealous it's not funny but she likes to make me out to be the super jealous one.

"I was just kiddin' baby, I don't wanna share you with nobody. You wanna set up the camp over there?" I point to an area that's right on the edge of the trees, it's got a smooth grassy area that's perfect for puttin' the tent up. We could build a fire in the sand that's right in front of it.

"Sure," She says and we head toward it.

After we set up our camp we look out at the lake. There's a big huge wooden raft a ways out, it's perfect for diving and layin' on to catch some rays when we're done swimmin' and messin' about in the water.

"You wanna swim a bit, B?"

"Yeah, that sounds so excellent right now. I haven't swam for swimming's sake in ages." She goes to get stuff out of her pack and I stop her.

"What're you gettin'?"

"Our towels and suits."

"Suits for what?"

"To wear, ya know, _bathing_ suits..."

I narrow my eyes at her, and hers go wide when she realizes what I'm gettin' at.

"We...we uhhhh, naked?"

"Naked. Who's gonna see?"

She smirks, "You're right." I can see a blush bloomin' on her cheeks. "Let me just get the towels."

"Don't forget the sunscreen," I wink at her. "We can give each other a rub down."

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!"

I make my way out to the raft with our supplies in my hands, Will made it so we could walk out to it, but I bet when we go to swim and dive it will be plenty deep. She's a freakin' genius!

I swim my way back to shore and B's makin' her way out of the tent, she smiles when she sees me walkin' out of the water.

"It's like every picture of the Birth of Venus I've ever seen." She has a look of awe on her face, and maybe a little lust.

"Nuh uh, only one Venus here," I reach out for her and she steps into my arms, "And it sure as hell ain't me."

"It is so," she swats my ass. "Don't make me beat self esteem into you." She chuckles.

"Such a man handler!!"

All of a sudden she breaks away from me and runs towards the water, I'm momentarily mesmerized by her ass and the glimpse of side titty I'm gettin' as she runs but then she says, "Last one in is a rotten egg!" And I'm runnin' like a freakin' five year old who's runnin' away from gettin' a bath.

I dive before she does but she was a half a length ahead of me so she get into the water before me. As she comes up she's claimin' her victory. I swim over to her and pull her under.

She comes up sputterin' and carryin' on. Soon we're standin' up in the water and makin' out hot and heavy.

She's the first one to break our clinch and we catch our breath for a bit.

"You wanna watch me dive, B?"

She smiles and nods enthusiastically, she loves when I act like a kid.

I get up and stand on the edge holdin' my position, then I jump up and hold my body stick straight with my arms out pitching forward into the water. I enter the water cleanly, with no splash to speak of. Even the Chinese judge would give me a 10.

When I swim back up to the raft she's clappin'. "Wonderful, baby! Do it again!!"

I hold myself in the same position and this time I jump a little higher holding my arms out to the sides in a very beautiful swan dive, if I do say so myself. When I come up Buffy has the biggest smile on her face. It must have been a good one.

"How was that?" I ask as I'm holdin' myself steady floatin' in the water with my head just above the surface.

She smirks and gets a mischievous glint in her eye but won't say anything.

"What, B? Tell me!"

Her face goes red and she says, "I think your butthole winked at me on that one."

I fuckin' crack up so hard I take in some water by accident and I'm sputterin' and coughin' and can't catch my breath. B dives in and is pullin' me to the raft like I'm a drownin' victim. She could be a life guard, I wonder if she's had training.

She gets up on the raft and pulls me up with her. "Are you ok, Faith?!"

"No, B, I'm dyin', I need mouth to mouth, quick!!"

"Faker!"

"Who says I'm fakin'? I was dyin' laughin' and now I need some hot girl on girl action."

She chuckles, "You liked my joke, huh?"

"Shit yeah, it was fuckin' funny! I love when you do shit outta the blue like that."

"I'm warming up to stuff like that."

"Finally! I've been tryin' to get ya to loosen up a bit, you're always so serious."

"Not always," She says a bit defensive. "I'm trying."

"Yeah ya are," I sit up and pull her closer. "You can be yourself with me, I'm not gonna judge." I give her a sweet kiss.

She pulls back and has a look in her eyes, she wants somethin'.

"Whatta ya want, B?" I ask with a quirk of my eyebrow.

"I wanna give you a massage, lay down on the towel."

"Oooh, I'm not gonna say no to that."

"Good, 'cause you didn't have a choice."

I laugh and place myself on the towel. "You want to do the front first or the back?" I wink.

"The back," She raises her brows and waits.

"Get the shoulders good, I'm kinda tense." I say as I settle onto my front.

"Don't you worry, baby, I'm gonna work _all_ the kinks out."

Oh sweet, I like the sound of that! I get myself all comfortable while she's pourin' suntan lotion into her hand and gettin' all lubed up.

I sigh as she starts workin' the tense muscles of my upper back.

"God, you're always like a brick wall."

"Oooh right there, yeah, shit." She's got really magical hands, only another slayer can give a slayer a massage worth gettin' and B's just got the gift of knowin' where my tension and pain is. "Like you don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders either." I say.

She's silent for a while and then says sincerely, "Not like I used to. Not since we've been together."

Damn, I really do that for her? I suck for not knowin' that, even though that's my main goal in life, to please, protect and take most of the burden off her.

While simultaneously helpin' to save the world, of course.

"I'm glad you feel that way, it's what I was aimin' for."

"Doesn't make me feel good to know you're not using me in that same way, to lighten your burden, you're always trying to take on everything yourself."

"I'm trying to be better about it, B."

"I know, I was surprised you didn't suggest Vi wear a 'Buffy' glamour and go with you on the D.C. trip."

Shit, why didn't I think of that?!

I feel a slap to my ass.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"You know what it's for, don't even try to lie your way out of it." She smoothes her hand over the cheek she just slapped.

"Sorry," I mutter. "Is it such a bad thing that I want to protect you?"

"How about protecting each other? Start thinking of us as a team, not as you just being there to make sure I'm ok. How's that?"

"Sounds good, I think I can do that."

"I'll remember you said that." She leans down and kisses cheek she just slapped.

"Don't have to be an ass kisser, baby, I'll do like ya say."

"You're soooo funny."

I laugh with her.

She swings a leg over my body and sits on my ass while she's massagin' my shoulders with both hands, she stops for a second to apply more lotion.

"That doesn't smell like any suntan lotion I know, is that somethin' special?"

"It's massage oil, there's no real sun rays here, it's all an illusion."

"Will's really somethin' else isn't she?"

"Yeah she is, she really appreciated what you did for her today, and she called me and asked what we'd like as a honeymoon on short notice."

"How much is it gonna cost her?"

"It's magic," I feel her shrug. "Maybe the cost of some stinky herbs."

"No, how much is it gonna take out of her, it's gotta be some major mojo she's usin'."

"Oh, well she has about three other Wiccas helping her, she didn't _say_ it would take a lot out of her."

"Hopefully it doesn't do much, we can't afford to have her out of commission for the next few days."

"I'm sure she wouldn't have offered to do this if she would be that tapped."

"I hope." I mutter. She's makin' it hard for me to think.

I can feel B grindin' her pelvis into my lower back, she's gettin' horny givin' me this rub down. She starts makin' longer and longer strokes and moves herself lower grindin' my ass with her pussy. Damn, I can feel her wetness.

She gets lower and lower until she's kneedin' my ass cheeks with her hands and stops again to pour more oil onto her hands.

"Oh, yeah, right there, B."

"Here?" She rubs my lower back.

"No, right where you were before." She brings her hands back up to my shoulders and leans over my body, I can feel her tits press into my back.

"Here?" She grinds her chest into me.

"Mmmhmm, but I was talkin' about my ass."

"Oh," She reaches down in between us and rubs my cheeks with her hands. "Down here?"

I gasp out as she nibbles my earlobe.

"Yesssss" Damn, my pussy is pulsin' and shudderin' already.

"You should have just said so." She slithers herself down my body, leavin' a couple of kisses as she goes before settlin' herself between my legs. She begins kneadin' my cheeks again. "I love your ass, did you know that?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. It's perfect."

"Have ya seen yours?" I chuckle.

I shut the fuck up when I feel her spread my cheeks apart. Oh shit, she's never done that like this before. Usually it's accidental or really quick, this time though it feels like she's takin' her time and studyin' me.

"It winked at me again, I think it likes me."

I chuckle, but I don't say shit, except, "Mmmhmm" I don't want her to think about things too much and stop what she's doin'.

She leans down and kisses my tail bone, I feel her tongue peak out and she's tastin' my skin. "Mmmm, you taste so good, Faith, like strawberries."

I thought I recognized the smell, she must be usin' flavored body oil, that minx.

She stops kneadin' me and pullin' my cheeks apart and my heart sinks, I'm disappointed but I can't complain, she still seems like she's in a playful mood. She'll probably tell me to turn over now, and that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I tense slightly as I feel the cooler than my skin oil bein' poured over my ass cheeks, she stops pourin' it and places the bottle back down on the raft. She begins kneadin' my cheeks again and makin' sure some of the oil goes into the crack of my ass.

Oh, shit I think I might have a heart attack if she does what I think she's gonna do. She's still massagin' my ass and legs and lower back. I think she's drummin' up the courage, I'm fuckin' holdin' my breath here.

Finally her hand slips lower trailin' down my ass crack until it comes to my pussy. She rubs the hole.

"You're so wet, Faith. Are you enjoying your massage?"

I know she knows I am, it's in her voice, but she likes to tease.

"I'm lovin' it, B. Don't let me stop you."

"Oh, I'm not gonna stop, not until you're screaming my name at the top of your lungs."

"..." My brain just schismed, I got nothin'.

She rubs my clit with two of her fingers, "Are you gonna scream for me, Faith?"

B's got a bit of that dominatrix tone to her voice.

"Yes!"

"Yes, what?"

See? She loves bein' in charge.

"Yes, Miss."

"Uh uh, Faith, try again. I'm married now, remember?"

"Sorry, Ma'am. Yes, Ma'am!"

"That's better," She stops rubbin' my clit, but before I have a chance to care she's back to rubbin' my hole and then enters me gently with her two fingers. "Is this better?"

"Yes, absolutely, Ma'am, abso-fuckin'-lutely!"

"Good, I'm glad, Faith." She chuckles at my eager response. "I wonder if you'll like this, though?"

I feel her free hand pull apart one of my cheeks and the next minute I feel a tentative tongue on my asshole.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!

My pussy is pulsin' and clenchin' around her fingers. It's not the most intense orgasm I've ever had, especially not since I've been with B, but it's a good one and she's proud of herself.

"Oh, I think you liked that, huh?"

I can only nod my head and say "Mmmhmm" again.

"Well, I'm gonna give my baby what she wants." She waits a moment or two for me to recover and then she's back to tonguin' my asshole while she fucks my pussy with her fingers.

"Oh, god, Buffy, that's so fuckin' nasty!! I love it!"

She pushes her tongue in further and wiggles it around, she hums a bit and it vibrates her tongue inside my ass. Her hand is doin' its best to try and make me come as fast and hard as possible. She feels around for a moment or two and with a jolt like none other I've felt she's got her fingers rubbin' my g-spot.

"OH FUCK!!!! BUFFY!!!!!"

My orgasm is fast approachin' and that's gotta be a record for me. I've raised up on my hands and knees a bit and I'm tryin' to fuck myself on Buffy's tongue and fingers, she wants to be in control though so she pushes me back down and starts to move her fingers faster.

"YES!! YES!! OH FUCK YES!!!"

She removes her tongue and quickly replaces it with her thumb but I can feel her lickin' around the hole still. She takes her mouth off my ass for a minute to coax me into comin'.

"C'mon, baby, come for me. I wanna hear you scream my name! You wanna come, Faith?"

"Yes!! YES!! FUCK BUFFY, YES!!!"

"That's it, Faith!"

The last thing I feel is my clit explode and my sphincter contract and then I'm not really aware of too much except the fact that my body is in a bliss filled state. It feels like everything is throbbin' and hummin' in time with my clit, and ass.

When I become aware of more than just my body, I can feel Buffy clingin' to my back. She's got music playin'.

_I just want you close__  
__Where you can stay forever__  
__You can be sure__  
__That it will only get better___

_You and me together__  
__Through the days and nights__  
__I don't worry 'cause__  
__Everything's gonna be alright__  
__People keep talkin' they can say what they like__  
__But all I know is everything's gonna be alright_

Awww, it's our song from Valentine's Day. That was a fuckin' special day, and it seems like it was years ago. A lot's happened in the past couple of months. It must be really gettin' to B, but she's tryin' to be strong and not let me know so I'm not burdened with it. She's nothin' if not hypocritical, but that's ok, 'cause she gave me one of the biggest happy's of my life.

I don't say anything as I listen to the song, when it finishes all I hear is the water gently lappin' against the side of the raft.

"You with me yet, Faith?"

"Forever, B."

She kisses my back and I can feel the smile on her lips. "Good, 'cause I wouldn't except anything less than that."

"I'm gonna remember you said that."

"You better."

"I'm also gonna remember you rimmed me and gave me a happy endin' after my massage, that I'll never EVER forget."

"That was pretty sweet, huh?"

"The fuckin' sweetest!"

"Well, I thought it was pretty awesome too, and now that I've gotten over my hang-ups with it, I can tell you it'll be happening more often."

"I might need a helmet then."

"For what?"

"For when my mind gets shot off into space."

She laughs, "You always check out a bit after an orgasm, maybe you should wear one of those helmets like that guy on the puppet show wears."

"Special Ed? You suck, you know that?" I laugh.

"Yes, yes I do suck."

I feel her lick and nibble at my back.

"Is it tasty?"

"Mmmm" she says.

My turn now, but I don't wanna taste the oil, I want her honey.

I lift up slightly and turn around onto my back. After I get settled I pull her down into a hot, wet, and passionate kiss. I do a bit of ass kneadin' of my own while we're goin' at it like two teenagers. Heh. Like two slayers. It's fuckin' primal is what it is.

After we break for air, I pant out, "I want you to sit on my face, B. Think you can manage?"

She doesn't say anything but she lifts herself off me and brings her lower half towards my face, the next thing I know the sun's bein' blocked out 'cause she's lowerin' her pussy to my mouth. I still her hips when she gets right above my lips and lick her all over, gettin' as much juice as I can. She's fuckin' drippin'! She's also gettin' impatient to come 'cause she's pushin' against my hands. She wants me to get her off, and now!

I let her dictate what she wants, I'll just be here to help guide her to her orgasm. My tongue is standin' at attention and I can feel her place her hole right at the tip, she sighs as she sinks herself onto it.

"Oh, that's so good, Faith! So, so good!"

I pull her hips down on me and then lift her up, helpin' her to fuck my face even faster. She tips forward after a few more strokes and I lose my grip on her hips. She doesn't lose any rhythm though as she continues to grind down on my tongue. I use one of my now free hands to rub at her clit, and the other I lube up with some of our combined wetness, her juice and my spit. Once a couple of my fingers are slick enough, I place them at her rear hole. It's time for some payback. Why should I be the only one to experience double penetration?

"HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK, FAITH!!!!" She screams as I enter her ass with two fingers, I don't plunge in, I'm just workin' 'em slowly back there. It's not like she's an anal virgin or nothin', I've tapped that ass a few times, but I don't want to hurt her and so I take it a little slow. From the exclamation she let out, I think she liked it.

Her pussy liked it too, 'cause it's throbbin' out a thank you on my tongue. She hasn't had the big O yet and I'm not really worried, I can tell it's comin' soon. She's gruntin' and gaspin' and it's obvious she's about to blow.

I switch up my tongue and fingers in her clit and on her pussy. My fingers find her G on the first try, I fuckin' rule, dude! As I get my lips around her clit and suck her head does its best impersonation of a rocket and pops the fuck off.

She's screamin' my name and I'll be fucked if there aren't a ton of birds here 'cause they all just shot up out of the trees like a volcano just erupted. By the flow comin' out of her pussy, I'm not sure that hasn't happened. Her ass is clenchin' really strongly around my fingers, she had a big one. Ass and pussy at the same time. That would explain her breathin'.

I flatten out my tongue on her clit and delight in the pulses I feel, I don't move around too much, just let her ride it out. Once she calms down I lift her slightly again and push my tongue gently in her pussy. Her hole is still thankin' me again by squeezin' on my tongue. I'm slurpin' up all the juice she's pourin'. Fuckin' nectar is what it is.

I'd say nectar of the Gods, but I ain't no God. B did call me her Venus, but she meant the Goddess. Fuck that though, right now I'm the planet and she's orbitin' around me on an orgasmic trajectory.

Once her pussy's given up all it has, I pull her off my tongue and settle her against me.

The sun warms us as we both drift off, me rubbin' her back, and her gently snorin' in my ear.

We wake when I fuckin' hear a bear growl.

"Why the fuck would Red put bears in here?" I say comin' out of my sleep.

Buffy chuckles.

"What's so funny?"

"That wasn't a bear, baby. That was your stomach."

Heh. Cue the blush I don't admit to gettin', that I get on my face.

She lifts up off me and looks down into my eyes.

"Did you get the number?"

"Of the army that stampeded you? Yeah, a thousand."

She chuckles. "God, Faith, it just keeps getting better, huh?"

"And better." I smile at her. "I think it's because it's now married sex. I dunno though, I just think it's because we're too hot, smokin' babes who only get hotter."

"I think you may be on to something there." She leans down and kisses me.

"Mmm, I can taste the strawberries on your lips and tongue."

"It's good, huh?"

"Yeah," My stomach drowns out whatever I was gonna say next.

B cracks up again, "We need to feed the bear though."

"Smartass."

"No, 'satisfied ass' is more like it."

I swat at her satisfied ass and wiggle my brows. "Yep, it told me you had some really satisfyin' times earlier."

"Oh, god, I thought I was gonna die."

"I'm glad you didn't, you wouldn't be able to make me a sandwich while I take a bath in the lake."

"Now who's the smartass?" She gets up and nudges me with her toe. I roll over a couple times and off the raft into the water.

"Last one to the shore is a rotten, ASS!!"

I hear a splash and she's right next to me swimmin' stroke for stroke.

Always in synch, no matter what we do.

*****

I couldn't wait for her to make me a sandwich while I took a bath in the lake, like I had said we'd do. I was fuckin' starved which was weird because I ate, but when my stomach isn't really satisfied, it gets mega cranky. I guess I was so upset about not bein' able to be with Buffy for the night, among other things, that I didn't notice my stomach wasn't happy.

We ate whatever was convenient and then found a map to the area. Red thought of everything. There's a stream here with a bit of a waterfall under a rock formation, so we took a shower together in that.

I built a fire, 'cause it's gettin' kinda chilly, we had to get dressed after the shower. Which sucks 'cause I was enjoyin' bein' naked together like we had no hang-ups and were completely carefree.

We sit in silence as we watch the fire dance around, I'm leaned up against a rock on the beach and B's layin' back against me.

The fake sun is settin'. It's been an awesome day. I really owe Red big time for this.

I hear B yawn. "You wanna turn in?"

"If you wanna."

"Sure, I'm kinda beat."

She stands up and shakes the sand off her pants.

"It was all that swimming."

"Yeah, and the fuckin'." I wiggle my brows at her.

"Of course." She laughs. "Can't forget that."

"Why would ya?"

"Never."

We leave the fire burnin' and make our way into the tent, somehow we know nothin' is able to harm anything in this world. It'll also create a nice visual on the tent as we're layin' there.

I bend down and unzip the sleepin' bag built for two as Buffy's startin' to take her clothes off.

I stand up and stop her, "I'm here to do that, you don't do nothin'."

She gets a glint in her eye. She may like bein' in control now and then, but she loves when I take the dominant role.

I strip her in none point none seconds and she shivers a little. Once I get rid of my clothes I pull her down to the ground and put her in the bag, I get on top of her and pull the zipper closed from the inside.

"Better?"

"Much," She gasps out as I wriggle myself between her thighs.

"Never gonna get enough of you, B."

"Why would you want to?"

I chuckle. I love her so much, my clever, sexy baby.

I reach down and pull her pussy lips apart. I place my pussy right on hers and plunge my tongue into her mouth as I fuck her clit with mine.

Our tongues are takin' turns fuckin' in time with our pussies and I can hardly keep my breath in my body. The air inside the bag heats up really quick and we're sweatin' like a couple of ditch diggers under a hot and unmerciful sun.

I feel my orgasm crestin' and I bang into her harder so she can ride the same wave I'm catchin'. We stop kissin' and replace the mouth action with screamin' and shoutin' each other's names. There were a couple of fucks and oh gods in there somewhere, too.

This time neither of us checks out. I settle myself so I'm not crushin' her but I'm still on top. I lean down and kiss her nose.

"I love you, B."

"I love you too, Faith."

"And I'd love to stay here forever, just you and me."

"Me too."

"And even though I know it has no bearin' on time outside..."

"We can't stay here forever."

"You feel it too?"

She nods but doesn't say anything. I talk for her.

"It's like, I know Will said we can stay here for however long, and I really wanna do just that. But I know somewhere out there one of us is sufferin', well a few of us really, Ken's life doesn't just affect her."

"It affects us all."

"Right."

"We'll leave after breakfast tomorrow, how's that sound?"

"Sounds like a plan, B. I'm glad you're not upset."

"Not at all, I know exactly how you feel. I can't be completely relaxed here, even though like you said, time in here has no bearing on time out there, I know the mission's not done, and until then I'll never be relaxed."

"We're growin' up." I smirk.

Even though we've come to the decision of gettin' the mission accomplished first, it doesn't stop us from bein' mega horny for each other still. We fuck a coupla more times in the bag.

Afterwards, as we settle into a hot and sweaty pile of slayer, I can feel somethin' other than my own heart beatin', I feel hers and it's movin' in the same rhythm.

I drift off with the same thoughts goin' over and over in my mind.

Always together and I'll never get enough.


	24. Washington Don't Come Cheap

Chapter 24- Washington D(on't) C(ome) Cheap

"Right this way ladies, if you please."

Some dude was waitin' for us in the private airplane hangar when we landed at Dulles.

He's directin' us towards a limo that's near the front of the hangar. Buffy slips her arm through mine and the dude smiles.

"Everyone is pretty excited about this new development."

How fuckin' excited and exactly what he means by "new development" is makin' my stomach churn. He's probably one of the assholes watchin' us fake fuck.

As we pass by him I give him a nod and walk towards the open car door. I feel B tense up and a split second later I feel somethin' like a gun barrel at the back of my neck.

Shit, guess this is the end of the line.

Before I have the chance to finish that thought or react, everything goes black.

When I'm aware of my surroundin's again, it looks really, really similar to the inside of the tent from last night. As a matter of fact I realize I'm in the sleepin' bag and a very satisfied lookin' B is sleepin' next to me.

I unzip the bag and sit up, unzippin' the flap of the tent and lookin' out at the fake sun risin' over the lake. It's breath takin'.

Is this heaven?

I guess it's my heaven. But are we dead? I'm not sure.

Shit, I would seriously be pissed at myself if we walked into a trap. I should have thought of that!! Why didn't I think it could be a trap?!

B's stirrin' in the bag and I hear her let out a satisfied groan. I get the strongest déjà vu feelin' I've ever had.

"Mmmm morning, Faith." She scoots over a little more. "What're you doing up? Letting all the cold air in? Come back to snuggle with me."

I told ya she needs her snuggles after lovin'. And with the amount of sex we had last night we're gonna be snugglin' and cuddlin' for a while. This is exactly what we did yesterday, or this mornin' or, whenever the hell it was.

She's reachin' out to pull me back into the bag with her. I look back at her. Shit, she's so fuckin' gorgeous, even with the rat's nest on the top of her head. Heh. But who am I to make fun? I've probably got a lovely nest goin' on, too.

I decide to just go with this, not question it. If I'm dead then I'm dead. Can't do much about it and at least I've got B here with me. When I realize she might be dead, too, I have to bite the inside of my cheek not to sob out. Somehow I know that she has no idea what's goin' on and I want to keep it that way.

I turn over and settle myself on top of her, she leans over and zips the bag back up.

"Mmmmm, that's better." She groans. I wiggle myself a little against her and she parts her legs a bit more. "Much better!"

"Still horny, huh, B?" I say lookin' at the dreamy look she's got on her face, her eyes are closed and she's smilin'.

"You know it; I mean, we only did it three times last night." She opens her eyes and winks at me.

"Yeah, but judgin' from the indent in the ground where we had the bag before, I'd say they were pretty intense times. Wouldn't you agree?" I grind myself against her and she closes her eyes again, she just nods her answer.

I lean in for a kiss and she's not openin' her mouth. I lick at her lips. When she still doesn't open 'em I bite her lip a little.

"I haven't brushed yet, Faith!"

"Do you think I care? And haven't we been over this already? Your breath doesn't stink! Does mine?"

She shakes her head.

"Well then, gimme the mouth!"

She leans up and captures my mouth in a hot, wet kiss. _Now_ I'm satisfied! I groan my thanks into her mouth as I grind more and more forcefully against her pussy with mine. She breaks our kiss to catch her breath and I nibble and lick her neck.

"Oh, yes, yes, Faith! Mmmm, that's so fucking good!"

My potty mouthed angel.

I reach down between us and put my fingers on either side of her clit, they're jackin' her off while I continue to grind into her in a steady rhythm. I'm not gettin' enough friction to get off, and certainly not before she does but I don't care, this is for her.

She's ridin' that wave to comin' hard and fast. Suddenly I remember somethin' I saw in a dirty magazine, it was a cartoon of this dude with a hot blonde bouncin' up and down on him and he's tryin' to hold both of them off from comin' by applyin' this technique he studied in Asia or somethin' and he does it wrong and they both pop off into explosive orgasms. That always got me hot.

I want B to come like the woman I saw in the cartoon, and I know just how to do it. I lift off her slightly and bring my other hand down to her pussy, I enter her with two of my fingers and she gasps loudly. Her head is movin' from side to side like she's denyin' somethin'. Can't be denyin' that she's about to come like a mother fucker, 'cause she is. I fuck her hole for a bit, just enjoyin' the slippery warmth and the feel of her tightness around my fingers. When I've had enough of waitin' for her to come, I turn my fingers around and rub the front wall of her pussy, right under the spot where her clit is. I also press the fingers I had next to her clit directly on it; almost like I'm tryin' to make my fingers meet through her skin.

It's like I pressed a button. Heh. I guess I did, actually.

She lets out another earth shatterin', ear piercin', bird scarin' scream. Her torso is rigid and her legs wrap around my middle doin' their best to try and squeeze the life outta me. Then her body starts convulsin' in slow, strong shudders, it's a full on body orgasm, and my pussy is pulsin' and clenchin' in sympathy. I take my fingers off her clit and press down on mine and that's it, I'm comin'.

It's not like the one she had, but it's fuckin' awesome in its own right. I call out her name as I peak and groan my love into her ear. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me impossibly closer to her.

After we both come down from our highs, I go to roll off of her but she doesn't let me. I always get the feelin' I'm crushin' her. She never seems to care though. 'Cept when she's bein' a brat and I'm tryin' to tickle her.

"I like you on top of me." She says with a labored breathin' sound to her voice.

"Yeah? I'm not crushin' you?" I pant out.

"Nope, I like to feel engulfed by you."

She always blows me away with the little things she says, that say so much.

I wish I could make my brain think of somethin' just as meaningful, but all I got is some pun about the Gulf of Mexico. I suck sometimes, especially when my brain is in lala-land.

"I love you, Buffy."

Well, maybe my brain isn't so suckish.

"And I love you too, Faith." We kiss sweetly and soon it becomes more. Not all hot and furious, but just more meaningful. I love those kinda kisses. It feels like my soul is pourin' into hers.

She pulls back to let us catch our breath, and I kiss along her jaw line. She's murmurin' sweet nothin's and it makes my heart feel full.

I again get the feelin' that I want to stay here forever, but I know we can't. I'm not sure who I'm bein' selfish to, Ken or Buffy. 'Cause she's really enjoyin' herself and she needs this, just like I do. But we've already gone over this, and we need to go to D.C. Which we've already done, but shit, we're back in time again. It's so fuckin' weird, I was so in the moment, I had forgotten that we've already done this. I'm just relivin' the day.

Not a bad day to relive, but I still feel unsettled about bein' dead, or whatever this is.

Buffy's talkin' and I remember exactly what it was about. Kids.

She said she wishes we could get started right away, like a normal couple. Ya know, bring her back from the honeymoon all pregnant and shit. But of course we're not normal, and I'm still fucked up in the head, so I say we should wait a while, she agrees 'cause she knows we're nowhere near close to findin' out what's up with the people messin' with us. She also agrees that I need to sort myself out, but she's pissed that I get down on myself and say things like 'I'm still fucked up in the head'.

_"Have you been able to extract anything?"_

What the motherfuck?!

_"Yes, they're both dreaming. Of each other."_

Who the fuck could these two be? God and St. Peter?

_"Oh really? Anything interesting?"_

St. Peter chuckles,_ "Yes, they're doing it in a tent."_

_"Young love, huh?" _God says with a grin in his voice.

I knew they were pervs!

_"Tell the boss what we've found out, bring them out of the trance. And, Peter, tell him he owes me 10 grand, his intelligence was wrong, mine was right."_

Fuck, that's a coincidence, huh?! Peter. Heh.

It's weird but Buffy doesn't seem to hear what I do, and we just keep kissin' and baskin' like nothin' was wrong. I guess it's a good thing that we're not dead, but I don't know how long that's gonna last, since they've fuckin' made us. Those bastard Shaman that supposedly put a block on my mind are gonna die if I ever get outta this shit alive.

Mark my words though, if I do die, I'm gonna haunt them for the rest of my days.

*****

I blink my eyes open and see some fucker grinnin' at me, he's the dude that greeted us when we got off the plane.

"I hope you don't mind, but we had to take a few precautions."

I decide to play it cool and see where this is going.

"I don't mind at all. It's understandable." I look over at Buffy on an exam table like the one I'm on and she's not up yet. Someone's standin' over her with magic pulsin' off their hands into her body.

"Your girlfriend will be brought out shortly, I wanted to talk to you alone for a few moments."

I nod, but don't say shit.

"I wasn't lying to you when I said there are many people happy with the new development. Buffy Summers is quite a catch," He winks. "In more ways than one."

I wanna punch the fuckin' smirk right off his face, but I'm playin' it cool.

"You've been a very valuable ally in this operation, Kennedy." He puts his hand on my arm and smiles at me. "I can't sing enough of your praises."

Kennedy?!?! Holy fuck!!!!!! The mind block worked, I guess they were seein' Ken and Buffy fuckin' in the tent.

I smile sweetly at him.

Even though I wanna fuckin' jump up and down and punch the air in victory, I just shrug like it's no big thing.

"Yeah, you know you're good." He moves over to where B is, "Apparently, very, very good."

Shit, I wish I could incinerate him with my eyes. Gotta talk to Will, I bet there's a spell, or she could make one.

He sighs and turns back around to me. I haven't changed my position, or my expression.

"We'll let you alone to do what you want to, you'll go to your hotel and have the rest of the day to sightsee if you wish. The cherry blossom trees around the Tidal Basin are in bloom. It's a very romantic sight."

"Thanks, ..." I'm not sure if I should know his name.

He holds his hand out to me and I sit up and take it. "Gerard, it's great to be able to finally meet you."

"Likewise." I say as I give him a firm shake. I really should be a fuckin' actress. I'm actin' like this guy is my key to everything I've ever wanted.

He must feel the respect and the gratitude because his smile gets wider.

He turns around and nods at the person who's holdin' B in the trance. That dude does some flourish-y shit with his hands and she moans.

"She'll be up in a few minutes, I'll bet she's still trying to hold onto the lovely dream she's having."

He opens up a door and the warlock leaves. I can see out into the airplane hangar. We never went anywhere. I thought we mighta been transported to their secret hideout or somethin'.

"How long were we out?" I ask before Gerard leaves.

"Only about 10 minutes, we needed to make sure you two were who you said you were." He looks thoughtful. "We've been burned before."

"Yeah, sorry to hear that."

"Not as sorry as the person who burned us. Simone proved less than exemplary in every avenue."

Simone?! That fuckin' stupid, pink mohawked bitch!! I knew we shoulda killed her when we had the chance. But no, Kennedy of all people said she could be reformed. Fuck, what a fuckin' kick in the nuts!

"But that's in the past, and we've got the two best slayers, in my opinion, on our side."

Two best slayers?! Kennedy over me?

"Thanks for the confidence, I'm glad you see what I've been saying since I became a slayer." I chuckle, "Most people say its Buffy and Faith who're the best."

"Yeah, well the fifty million dollars I ponied up for six months of your services says I don't think you're a second rate slayer." He quirks an eyebrow. "Besides, you're 'love affair'," He makes those quotation symbols when he says that, "has broken the skanky one. I knew she was nothing more than a mess waiting to happen." He laughs smugly. "Have a good day, we'll be in touch."

"Thanks for everything."

"You're very welcome." He winks and leaves.

As soon as he's gone Buffy sits up and stretches. With one look from her I know she heard all that, but we can't talk about it.

"Everything ok, Ken?"

"Yeah, wonderful, Buffy. We should get going. We have the day to sightsee. How sweet is that?"

"I wonder why I fought on the side of good all these years, this is really the life."

I laugh, "I know, it makes me feel sad for the slayers who keep thinking they're on the right side."

I get down off the table and then go to help her down.

I lean in and kiss her. She doesn't close her eyes tight right away, and I'm not jealous about it. We've gotten over our hang-ups because we know that this is it. It's the real thing and we've got to act our parts to the fuckin' T. No pussyin' out and givin' 'em the slightest clue about what we're really up to.

We leave the room and get into the limo, the driver's holdin' the door open for us.

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

He winks at me and then leans back to watch Buffy's ass as she's gettin' in the limo after me. I look like I don't fuckin' care and he smiles knowingly at me. I'm supposed to be playin' her, don't ask me why but I felt that when I was talkin' to that guy on the phone yesterday, I guess that was Gerard.

B's lookin' out the window as we make our way outta Virginia on Route 66. This'll take us into D.C.

I've been here many times before, most recently last year when Rona needed some extra help 'cause the Hellmouth was actin' up.

And before you ask, yeah, there's a Hellmouth in D.C. it opened up about a year and a half ago. But from what Giles said it had been opened before about a hundred years ago. Corrupted a lot of people in the government. Probably related to the fuckfaces we're dealin' with now.

The D.C. trip last year, was a good time slayin'-wise, but it sucked for me and B. She had been off on a mission in L.A. and then Giles sent me and Rona to North Africa. When we came back all hell literally broke loose on the D.C. Hellmouth and I couldn't let Rona just go off alone to deal with the shit. So I stayed with her until things were taken care of. That took about a month so me and B were apart for almost two months.

Buffy was pissed at me 'cause I stopped her from comin' to D.C. to help. I accused her of not thinkin' I was good enough to handle it myself, which is pretty accurate, but mostly I didn't want her to be in danger. I told you I've always done shit like that, don't be surprised when you see evidence of it.

"I wanted to come here last year, but Faith wouldn't let me."

"Oh, when the Hellmouth was acting up?"

"Yeah, she said I couldn't come. She was probably with some fucking floozy. Fucking." She adds bitterly.

More like dyin' from blunt force trauma to the head, but I never let anyone say shit to her about that. Will got someone to swoop down and fix me up real quick. No one ever said this shit wasn't a dangerous job. So the fact that I've almost died three times in as many years, doesn't phase me a bit. I'm just glad we've got a bunch of serious Wiccas on our side.

"She's a fool, Buffy." I reach out for her hand and pull her closer. "Don't think about her, we're here for pleasure, and a little bit of business, remember?"

"Oh, I can't forget." She smiles big and leans in for another kiss. I can see the chauffer lookin' back at us in the rear view. I wink at him and deepen the kiss. I don't even bother to ask him to put up the glass, it's see through on his end no doubt. Keep lookin' asshole, you're a mother fuckin' fool. They fuckin' think I'm playin' B, and she's livin' up to her part as the ditsy little bitch who's buyin' my cheap mojo.

We break our kiss after a few more minutes of hot and heavy stuff, complete with under the top groppin' of her titties. I look up at the chauffeur and it's a wonder he's kept us on the road, 'cause he's lookin' back at us again.

"What's that building over there?" B points as we're goin' over the Teddy Roosevelt bridge.

"That's the Kennedy Center. If we have time we'll see if they have a show playing you'd like to see. My parents have given them a ton of money. They're fellows."

"Guys?"

God, I wanna laugh 'cause she plays the fuckin' ditz so well.

"No, they're like on the board for the Center. They give donations and make some decisions, not many because that would be unethical. The point is, I can get free tickets to a show and they'd be box seats."

"Oh, God, Ken! That would be great. I could dress up and everything. I never get to do that with Faith!"

"Stop talking about her, and if you must, _please_ stop talking about her like you're still together. Ok?"

"Sorry," She pouts and after a minute I pout with her. It always gets to me.

"C'mere," I nod my head to bring her closer. I stop before she kisses me and talk to the driver. "Hey, umm, sorry I don't remember your name."

"It's Julian, Ms. Kennedy."

"Right, Julian, sorry. Can you put up the glass, and let us know when we're at the hotel?"

He winks and Buffy goes all shy and moves away.

"What are you doing, Buffy?"

"I can't do that in here!"

"What, 'that'? I just wanted a little privacy with my new girlfriend, is that ok?"

"I-I guess. But just second base."

"Slayer's honor."

I hear Julian laugh as the glass goes up.

I pretend to finger fuck her to a really quick orgasm and for a really nasty visual for Julian I suck on my fingers when I'm done.

I feel the limo come to a stop and Julian knocks on the glass.

"You can put it down."

The glass goes down and he smiles, his face is a bit red.

"We're at the hotel. I've called ahead so they're sending the bellhop out to get your bags, all you have to do is go up to the concierge desk and check in."

"Great, thanks."

"It was my pleasure."

I'm sure, fucknuts, and if I get a chance, you're gonna be toast as well. Something tells me no one is an innocent player in this. And my instincts have been right on the money so far.

We get up to the counter and the concierges smile and welcome me back.

"It's good to see you again, Ms. Kennedy. And Ms. Summers, it's nice to meet you." The chick says.

"Thanks, same to you." Buffy says shyly.

"Here are your cards, you've been upgraded to the Presidential Suite, compliments of your employer."

"Really?" I start to sound excited, but I remember that Ken wouldn't think twice about this shit. "Thanks."

"Enjoy your stay you two." The guy says to me.

"Thanks." I look at his name tag. "Martin." I wink at him and he looks relieved.

Probably thought I was forgettin' his name, and hence the big tip I give him when we leave here.

This glamour must have some of Ken's memories, because I know this shit without really havin' to think about it.

We have three key cards. I know the green one is for the Presidential Suite elevator. Usually the keys in these joints work for the elevator and the room, but this one would have a separate key for the private elevator.

Funny, but I don't have any recollections of the room itself, just things to help me get by.

When we get up to the room, Buffy gawks at the foyer, it's really huge and has an inlaid marble floor with a fuckin' pond in the middle of it. The Skylight is huge and probably the most beautiful one I've ever seen.

I don't look at it too much, I just look at Buffy taking it all in. The room itself is kick ass. Fuckin' classy. The bellhop in his brown suit and white gloves tells us to enjoy our stay. He doesn't wait for me to give him a tip. Again, I don't say nothin' out of the ordinary, I know that I give the tips at the end of my stay, with their names written on the envelopes.

"I guess I'm doing a good job, huh?"

She looks at me blank-faced, then smiles and jumps into my arms like we won the lottery. "Holy Shit, Ken. I'd say you're doing a great job!"

"You want to eat in, or out?"

She gets the pun and looks like she's thinking about it.

"I think I'd like to eat out." She pushes me towards the bedroom. "It's time I got down on my knees and did some worshipping."

My heart breaks at what I'm pretty sure she means she's gonna do, but my face cracks into the hugest smile.

I wiggle my brows a little. "Oh, yeah? How?" She stops before we're in the room and pushes me up against the wall. She leans in and kisses me passionately before breakin' the kiss and slidin' down my body, lookin' at me like she's gonna suck me off. She undoes my pants and I place my hand at the back of her head, guidin' her in.

I close my eyes as she's suckin' and bitin' and bobbin' her head like I've got a big dick.

"Oh, Buffy, yes!! Oh GOD, YES!!!" My voice is echoin' in the cavernous room.

She keeps goin' at my pussy like it's the last food on earth and I'm playin' it up like it's the best head I've ever gotten.

After I 'come', she sits back on her legs and wipes her lips. I slide to the floor in front of her.

"Was that good?"

"Good? That was great!!!!"

I wipe at my forehead and she crawls over to me.

"I can't get enough of you, Kennedy."

"Why would you want to get enough?" Damn, I said that yesterday, I didn't want to say anything that would be something I would normally say, but I guess it's authentic.

"You're right, I don't think I want to even try to get enough."

We kiss a very hot and heavy kiss. After a few moments I suggest we shower together and B gets up and runs into the room.

The bathroom is just indescribable, it's got more inlaid marble, and a huge jetted tub, and a fuckin' shower built for 20. It's fuckin' off the hook. I hope for our sake we don't come to look back at this place in disgust, 'cause that would mean some bad shit went down. It's a decent enough place, and we're still kinda on our honeymoon.

Fuck, I gotta focus!!

We're done pretendin' to fuck in the shower and we scrub each other down, I put her in front of me as I wash her hair. I love doin' that for her. I'm gatherin' some strength from this simple task.

After our shower I call down to the front desk to see where there's a nice place to eat and they tell me they've already made reservations at my favorite restaurant.

I thank them and hang up. Buffy's dressed in nice goin' out clothes. And a three quarter length belted leather coat I got her for Christmas. It's still a bit chilly. She brings her digital camera, we're gonna do like the dude suggested and go down to the Tidal Basin first and take some pictures. All the pictures will show Ken and B on the display, but when Will uploads them into her computer, it'll show me and B.

Have I said she's a mother fuckin' genius already?

We go back down to the lobby and I scope out who's sittin' in chairs and who's just standin' around. Some young lady is walkin' passed me without luggage and I briefly wonder if she's a high priced call girl. She winks at me and fuck, this Kendog fucked her. I know it and apparently 'my' pussy knows it, too.

I hug B closer, and wave to the concierge, Martin. He winks, too. But my pussy don't respond to that. Thanks be to Christ.

We get into the waitin' limo, this one's just a town car, not a big stretch. People are lookin' at us like we're royalty or stars or somethin'. I would like to be able to say I could get used to this life, but it comes attached to some very fuckin' nasty people that I don't want to be associated with, and I just can't wait to get back to my own life.

As we make our way down Connecticut Avenue I point out some of the buildings of interest. "There's the old Executive Office Building."

"What's that famous for?"

"Some old executives?"

She laughs at me and swats my leg.

"No, it's right next to the West Wing of the White House. A lot of the White House staff have offices there. It used to house the State, War and Navy Departments."

"You're really smart, you know that?"

"Yeah, I got you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, ya did."

The young love shit really gets to me right about now. It's when we're in front of other people that I get pissed.

I point out the White House, which we have to crane our necks to see, and the Ellipse, which is a big oval patch of grass. We pass by the Washington Monument and I point out the World War II Memorial.

We finally get down to the Tidal Basin and the driver finds a space to park. "Enjoy the view," He watches Buffy's ass as she gets out of the car. "I know I do."

I look at him and wink. Then I pat the arm he has across the backseat. "You're too funny, Julian." And I'm gonna personally see to it that your eyes are gouged out. I follow Buffy out and reach for her hand. She sidles up next to me and wraps her arm around mine. I squeeze her in close.

The view of the Potomac is really somethin' and the Cherry Blossoms are just fuckin' gorgeous. We take our pictures and have someone take pictures of us. There are a lot of people down here. B does the spell Will gave us for findin' bugs. Nothin' around or on us, but there's a red glow from the dashboard of the car.

"Let's take a walk, Ken. Oooh! Can we go to the Jefferson Memorial?" She's pointing towards the round limestone memorial. "I've never been!"

"Sure, let me go tell Julian, ok?"

She nods and I start to trot back to the car, but somehow I stop myself and open 'my' cell. "Hey, Julian, we're gonna take a walk to the Jefferson Memorial."

I don't ask if it's ok. He's my driver, fuck it.

"Sure, boss. I just wanted to let you know that it's an honor to be driving for you today."

"No problem, we'll be back in a few minutes."

"Take your time."

We walk down the path and make our way to the memorial. We do the spell again and no bugs are in site.

"So whatta ya think?"

"Of the hotel room?"

"Buffy" I look at her seriously.

"Sorry, it was a little mesmerizing. But I know what you're getting at."

I still don't trust these fuckfaces not to be usin' some stealthy shit to spy so I pull her in closer and whisper in her ear. To any onlookers it would look like we're whisperin' sweet nothin's into each other's ears.

"Can you believe they were inside our heads?"

She shudders and shakes her head, "I gather they didn't see anything we didn't want them to."

"Nope, nothin'."

"Have we sung Willow's praises at all today?"

"I know I have."

"Good, because I do, at least twice a day."

"Her ears must be as red as her hair."

That makes B chuckle.

"So what's next?"

"Dinner. We gotta just go with the flow, seems like they've been tipped by someone who said we weren't who we said we were."

I point out at some stuff on the memorial and she looks at it like I'm tellin' her the history. We'll come back here someday so I can really take her on a tour.

"You wanna go slower with that one again?"

"When I was still under I could hear what they were saying."

"You could?! Why couldn't, I?"

"Dunno, might have somethin' to do with why I could hear you in my coma."

"Maybe, so what did you hear?"

"Well I heard that Gerard dude say somethin' like his boss owes him ten grand 'cause someone said we were fakin'."

"How can we get a message back to Willow?"

"I dunno, the gang were all so skittish about us doin' anything that might blow our cover. We'll think of somethin', though."

She nods.

"We should be gettin' back. I love you, baby. Can I tell you somethin'?"

She nods again.

"I'm fuckin' scared, we might have gotten way over our heads. I'll keep my cool though. I'm glad you're here with me."

No, I'm not!! She was right, I should have gotten Vi to do a Buffy glamour. I don't wanna get her killed.

"Me too, honey. The not knowing who or why or what we're looking for is really getting to me, but I'm glad we can be strong for each other."

"Sorry I treated you like a cocksucker when we were in the room."

"My only wish was that it was you I was doing that to and we weren't being watched."

"I know."

"I have a question before we go back."

"Shoot."

"Did you really say that stuff about me to Kennedy?"

"What stuff?

"The stuff about us being together forever."

"Yeah, 'o course."

"When?"

I think back to that time, we were at the mall waitin' for B and Will to get done in some store, I forget which one, but it wasn't no lingerie or clothin' store, 'cause those I don't mind goin' into. I think it was a card store, they were lookin' to get somethin' for Xand's birthday.

I usually just buy him a stripper, 'cause I care enough to send the very best.

Kiddin', I just get a blank card and write somethin' from the heart. It works out well once I get over the stupid feelin' like I don't matter and he wouldn't care what I wrote. He often tears up when he reads what I write.

Anyway, me and Ken were waitin' outside, just watchin' the people. We were leanin' up against the rail and Ken noticed an old couple, they must have been in their 80's and asked if I could see me and Buffy bein' together for that long.

At first I blew it off and made a joke about knowin' them and she was a prostitute who picked up guys her age. But it got me thinkin' and when I really thought about it I had to say yes, yes I could see me and B bein' that old and still bein' together.

Buffy's hand on my arm breaks me out of my thoughts.

"We were at the mall, about a year and a half ago, I think you and Will were gettin' a card for Xander or Giles, or save a tree day."

She slaps my arm.

I laugh.

"And she asked me if I thought we'd be together forever, and I said yes."

"Good, I'm glad you think so, too."

She leans in and closes her eyes, I give her a lovin' kiss.

"Let's go." She says as we break the kiss.

I call Julian back and get him to pull the car around. I tell him to take us to the restaurant. It's a steakhouse.

Shoulda known, Ken does like most of the same things I do. I guess it would make sense that if me and B didn't work out, Ken would be sorta like a substitute for me. But like a really watered down one.

Don't get me wrong, I like Ken, she's a good friend, but there's only one Faith, baby.

Accept no fuckin' substitutes.


	25. Whadda Ya Gonna Do?

Chapter 25- Whadda Ya Gonna Do?

We've been in D.C. now for three days, and nothin's been happenin' 'cept me and B have been doin' the town. Today we're supposed to be meetin' some big shot, probably the guy who's fundin' this operation, but it's been delayed.

So, after me and B did some more sight seein', and found a way to get in touch with Will to let her know someone's been tippin' these asshole's off, we went back to the hotel for more fake fuckin'.

We're layin' in the bed makin' out when Ken's phone rings, "Probably the big boss." I get up and get the phone out of my jacket.

Hmmm, it's Laurie, one of Ken's old crew.

"What's up, Laurie? Long time no talk to."

"I know, you jerk! You abandoned your crew and you have the nerve not to keep in touch." She laughs.

"So, what's up, you guys need help with something?"

"No, I heard you were with Buffy now, that's some freakin' development, huh?!"

"Yeah," I smirk and wink at B. "she's everything I've ever wanted."

"Are you with her _now_? 'Cause I overheard that Giles and Willow were trying to get in touch with her."

Could've just called me, they know this number. Must be needin' her for somethin' they don't want me to know about.

"Yeah, we're in D.C. gettin' better aquainted." I smile and B smiles really bright. Shit, I still get those heart pangs everytime she does that.

"Ken, I know you and Faith are kinda enemies now, but I just thought you should know, her grandmother died this morning."

My heart freezes and sinks into my stomach. "What was that?" I must've heard her wrong.

"Faith, she had a grandmother, I heard Willow saying to Giles that she had a call from Faith's Aunt in Boston. I just thought I'd give a call because I heard you were with Buffy now and you and Faith used to be friends."

It's not true, it can't be true!

"Ken, are you ok?" Laurie asks.

Buffy's lookin' at the look on my face and I realize I have to play this as Ken. Fuck, I wish I knew who these assholes were so I could be done with this bullshit already!

"Yeah, I'm just stunned, I didn't even know she had a family. You say she died this morning?"

Buffy's eyes go wide and she sits up on the edge of the bed.

"Yep, that's what I've heard. In case you don't hear anything else, give me a call, I might be able to get you some more info, if you need it."

"What did she die of?"

"Old age I guess and I think I heard someone say cancer. I'll bet Faith's gonna be a basket case when they get in touch with her. She'll be brought back from France."

"Hey, thanks a lot, Laurie." I'm smilin' like she just told me I won the lottery. "I'll keep in touch."

"You better. Talk to you later, Ken."

I close the phone and look at Buffy with the big grin on my face.

"What happened, Ken? Who died?"

"Oh, Faith's grandmother, or something. Which is weird, I didn't even know Faith had a grandmother, or family for that matter."

Buffy looks horrified.

I walk over to her and give her a kiss, she doesn't kiss back, she's still stunned.

"Now, where were we?" I start kissin' and nibblin' at her neck. I'm still smilin'.

She realizes what's goin' on and she pushes me back a bit. "No, I can't. I-I, I just can't."

"Whatever." I get up off the bed all irritated and go to wash my face and brush my teeth.

I can't fuckin' cry, so this stupid fuckin' grin keeps breakin' out on my face.

When I get back in the room B's still sittin' on the bed, she's lookin' at her hands.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't know you knew her that well." I put on some workout clothes and get Ken's ipod. "I'm gonna go work out, will you be ok?"

She looks at me and I can see by her eyes she wants to come over and comfort me, or stop me or do somethin', but she can't 'cause I gotta be 'Ken'. Besides, if she came over and hugged me, I'd fuckin' lose it and people might die.

"Maybe you should call Willow, Laurie said they were trying to get in touch with you."

"My phone!" She jumps off the bed and goes to where it's chargin'. "I shut it off because the battery was low, I forgot to turn it on when I plugged it back in." She's upset at herself for not bein' there for Will's call. I bet it's because I found out through someone totally random, but that's not her fault so she shouldn't be that upset.

"See you later."

She looks at me all sad and I have to turn away.

"See you, soon." She says quietly.

I get down to the workout room and no one's there. Good, I can think in peace, I do the spell and see that there's no bugs. I hope Will calls me and does one of those spells so they can't hear what she's really sayin', I need to know what's goin' on. I have to know when I can get outta this fuckin' glamour and get up to Boston. My aunt's probably goin' fuckin' nuts!

The door to the workout room opens and Julian walks in, he's dressed in shorts and a tank, I guess he decided to work out on the spur of the moment. Shit, I hate this undercover bullshit. Everyone's a fuckin' spy, even the chauffeur. It's all so fuckin' James Bond.

"Hey"

"Hi Ms. Kennedy! How's your day going?"

I shrug, "I just got a phone call that through off my groove. So forgive me if I'm not too chatty."

"I understand." He's lookin' at me like he wants to say somethin' else, I see him make up his mind. "That's one hot babe you've got, if you don't mind me saying so."

"Can't fault you for stating the obvious."

"Do you mind me having a go at her once you're done with her?"

What the motherfuck?!

"What?"

"I love small chicks."

I get off the treadmill I'm on and go over to the elliptical machine he's busy with. I lift him up by his throat so fast that he's still got his arms movin' like he would if he were on the machine.

"What was that?"

He's strugglin' to say somethin' and he's pointin' to my hand. I set him down on the floor. He's gaspin' and sputterin'.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you said, forgive me for lifting you off your machine like that."

"What the fuck?" Julian's still gaspin'. "They said you didn't mind shit like that."

"Comments about wanting to fuck my girl?"

"Yeah, and not just the comments either."

Shit, Ken must use 'em hard and fast, and then give 'em away when she's done.

"Well, this one's different."

"Sorry, I'll remember that."

"Thanks, and I'm sorry I reacted like that, I told ya, I'm a little wound up."

My cell rings and there's no name or nothin' on the display. It's that fucker Gerard.

"Kennedy, I'm sorry to bother you, I have some rather bad news."

"Yeah, Laurie called."

"How did Laurie know?"

"She's at the school, she overheard Willow and Giles."

There's a pause on his end of the line.

Oh shit, maybe he was talkin' about somethin' else, but I hope I just gave him a heart attack.

"Is this about Faith's grandmother?" I ask.

"What? Oh!" He sounds relieved, the fuckface. "No, the boss won't be able to meet today. In fact I'm not sure when we can reschedule, he's been called away."

"Oh. Hey, Laurie's call was about Faith's grandmother dying. I think Buffy's pretty upset about it, she's probably gonna want to go to the funeral and stuff, will that throw things off?"

"No, in fact that will be perfectly fine. You might be able to meet with him in Boston, Massachusetts is his home state."

"So, he's like in politics there?"

"Yes, and I can't stress enough how much discretion is warranted in this operation. He's never wanted to meet one of our slayers before. You must have impressed him very much."

'Their Slayers'. The implications of that makes my skin crawl.

"You'll arrange things?"

"We'll be in touch. Sorry to have brought you all this way for nothing."

Not nothing, we were able to get a bit of dirt on that Senator's assistant, just have to bring it back to Willow and Giles to figure out.

"No big deal, I got to spend some time with Buffy, _without_ the Scooby gang around."

"Yes. You must like her very much, usually the others don't last for more than a night or two in a row."

"There's just something about her, and knowing that I took her away from Faith, priceless."

He laughs.

"I guess that would be incentive to keep Buffy around. Among other things." The suggestiveness in his voice as he said that makes my skin crawl even more. I wish I could set myself on fire to get rid of this feelin'. "By the way, you can leave when you want, we have the suite until the end of the week. Don't worry, it's all paid for by us, we didn't stick you with any of the bill."

"Thanks, Gerard."

"You're most welcome. Oh and Kennedy?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't tell you enough how happy I am that you're doing so well. We've all been very pleased."

"Thanks. I think you've told me that already, but it's nice to hear." Haven't done nothin' but oh well, whatever he says.

"We'll be in touch."

"Ok, bye."

He hangs up and Julian's cell rings, then he excuses himself and says another sorry as he leaves.

I get back on the treadmill and break into a run. I can't think of anything until I know how I can safely get outta D.C. and back to Boston as myself.

When I get back to the room, I'm fuckin' tired, I ran about 30 miles at almost full speed on that fuckin' treadmill. It was either that or bust up every piece of fuckin' equipment and all the mirrors they had.

I'm surprised I restrained myself from killin' Julian.

I flop down on the bed and Buffy comes out of the bathroom.

She still doesn't know what to say to me, I can tell. She doesn't want to keep up this Ken charade, but she has to, and that's makin' her nuts because all she wants to do is comfort me.

I'm actually revelin' in not bein' comforted right now and that's a bit scary. 'Cause I know thinkin' like that can lead me down the dark path that I've been tryin' to stay away from.

"Did you talk to Willow?"

She doesn't answer me, so I turn around to look at her. She's got the bottom lip quiverin' and her nose and forehead are scrunched up in that way she has when she's gonna start bawlin' really hard. I hate to see her cry, it really guts me.

I get up off the bed. "Hey, are you ok?"

She nods but it doesn't look to me like she's ok. I rub her shoulders tryin' to get her to look me in the eyes.

"It'll be ok. From what Laurie said she was just old. It was natural causes."

"I know, but... Faith..." Her eyes lock on mine and I cut her off.

"She'll be ok, Buffy." Shit, she better not blow it here for us, I don't wanna die, too. "I tell you what, I'll talk to Will and see what we can do about going up there. Ya know, maybe she can smooth things over. How's that sound?"

"Ok" Her voice is filled with tears and I have to get away before I lose it, too.

"Good, will you be ok? I was gonna take a shower."

She nods and sighs.

Ken's cell rings and I take it in the bathroom with me.

"Hey, Will."

"Faith, I've got the spell again on the phone, just listen, it's really important that you understand what's about to happen. First of all, I'm so, so sorry about Gee Gee, and I'm sorry you found out the way you did. She went into a coma last night, and died this morning. Apparently, she was in the last stages of cancer."

Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?! What the fuck!!!

"Yeah, Laurie told me, I know Buffy'd like to come up there for the services and stuff. How can we make that happen without a scene?"

"Rona's on her way to JFK on an Air France flight, she's got a wicca with her, once they get there she'll be teleported to me, and then I put a Ken glamour on her and she's teleported to your hotel room. Don't worry, she won't end up out on the balcony."

"Well that's really nice of you. I appreciate that."

"You'll be teleported by me at the same time to the airport. Giles will be waiting there for you with Francie. She doesn't know anything about this operation, Faith. Once you get there you'll have a connecting flight to Boston. From there it's as normal. Well, except that Rona and Buffy will be playing their parts. But like you said, they'll be going to the services."

"Well, that's it then, I'll see you up in Boston."

"You got it. I'm really sorry, Faith. I-I don't know what to say."

What can she say?

"I know it's gonna be hard, but you've got my word. I'll be good." I say that so she knows I'm not going to do anything stupid to jeopardize our current mission, or my sanity. Even though I'm barely hangin' on to both.

We say our goodbyes and I step into the shower. I feel numb, there's really nothin' goin' on in my mind except 'don't fuckin' blow it, don't fuckin' blow it'. I still have that overwhelmin' feelin' of wantin' to smile. I don't know why, but it just seems fuckin' surreally funny to me. I knew she wasn't well, but nobody fuckin' said a word how bad she was. I wonder if Buffy knew? Nah, she woulda told me.

Wouldn't she have?

After I'm done in the shower, and managed to not pull a 'Wesley's bathroom wall' repeat, I stand there and look at myself in the mirror. Well, I look at Ken in the mirror and I gather strength in keepin' my composure from thinkin' about when we were friends, and when we fought side by side on more than a few occasions. Keepin' each other alive.

Still sucks that my grandmother's gone, and I wasn't there to say goodbye and thank her for all she's done for me.

Whadda ya gonna do?

*****

"Faith!!" Francie comes chargin' me as I step up to the bag carousel to claim the luggage Rona had brought with her to France. Which is actually my luggage.

I wrap her up in a hug and finally shed a tear or two as she's bawlin' on my shoulder. I still haven't broken down and really lost it. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"Hey, G." I nod at Giles who's standin' a little bit away

"Hello, Faith. I'm so sorry, I can't express my condolences enough for the loss of Gee Gee."

Giles sayin' her nickname makes my bottom lip pout, but I don't lose it. "Yeah, it's a shock, I didn't realize how bad she was."

"I'm not sure anyone did."

He picks up my bag, and I get Francie to start walkin', we have to make our way to the gate for the flight to Boston. She's still clingin' to me and I stroke her back to give her some comfort. Giles says he's comin' with us. Good, it'll be nice to have him there with me, especially since B can't be. That really must be tearin' her up, she'd wanna be with me at a time like this. Kinda like how I felt bein' in prison when Mrs. S. died and I wasn't even her girl then, I couldn't imagine if that happened now and I couldn't be there with her.

These fuckers are gonna die hard!

When we get to Logan there's a car waiting for us, Giles sprung for a driver. Good, 'cause he drives like an 80 year old woman these days, and I didn't wanna have to drive. I'm not in the mood. I'm gettin' broody because I don't really wanna deal with what I'm about to walk into at Aunt Dee's.

"Have you talked to your Dad, Fran?"

"Yeah, he said he'd be at Aunt Dee's when we got there."

"I bet the whole neighborhood is there."

"You ain't kiddin'. When you came back, Aunt Dee didn't tell anyone but our family because she knew everyone would be pilin' in tryin' to see ya."

"Really? She didn't say anything."

"She didn't want ya ta get spooked and not come."

Shit, everyone's always worried I'll wig.

"Wouldn't have stopped me, I realized how important family was, no matter what. Ya know?"

"Yeah, I know what ya mean. I was bein' such a bitch to everyone when I didn't know what the dreams and stuff meant. But deep down I knew they'd be there for me." She starts to tear up, because she's thinkin' of Gee Gee, I know she is because that's what kinda stuff Gee Gee did for us. No matter what you did she'd try to help you out.

With Francie she knew she had to get her help, and she protected her from parts of the family that would use the slayer stuff against her and Uncle John. I'll find out about that shit and see what I can do about it. No one's gonna fuck with my family or my slayers anymore.

When we get to Aunt Dee's she's comin' outta the house with a couple of other people, one is Uncle Jim and the other is Leah, I can see some other people waitin' on the porch. I get out of the car and Aunt Dee waits for me to stand fully before grabbin' me in a hug and cryin' into my shoulder.

"Oh, Faith! I'm so sorry." She's cryin' so hard she can't get anything else out. Everyone's sorry, I'm the one that should be sorry.

"It's me who's sorry, Dee. I'm sorry I wasn't here and I'm sorry you lost your mother."

That makes her cry harder. Leah's standin' right behind me rubbin' my back and cryin'. We stand like that for a few minutes until Aunt Dee calms down enough to walk. My Uncle comes up beside her and supports her and we all walk arm in arm to the house. Jules hugs me and says she's glad to see me, she too starts cryin'. Ashley's standin' a little bit away like she doesn't know what to do. I give her a "get over here look" and she comes up and joins in on the hug with her sister.

My Aunt says there are some people that are flyin' in and they'll be here later. Like my grandmother's brother Sal and my Uncles Bobby and Ted, with their wives and a couple of kids. Even though they're all stayin' at hotels, the house will still be nuts.

When we get inside I'm brought over to the couch and made to sit, Uncle Jim brings my bag upstairs, I guess I'll be stayin' in the same room I stayed in when me and B came up back in February.

"So, she went quick?" There are so many things going around in my brain, but this question is the one that matters right now.

Aunt Dee hesitates, and more tears leak out of her eyes, she sighs. I put my hand on her shoulder providin' some strength. She turns to me and nods her head.

"She-she just went into a coma and slipped away. She had been complainin' of a headache, and we took her for a scan, the cancer had spread to her brain."

"When was all this? I mean, I knew she fell but no one said she had cancer."

"She didn't..." Aunt Dee trails off.

"She didn't want me to know." I finish for her.

Aunt Dee doesn't say anything but I can see in her eyes that I'm right.

"Why?"

"She didn't want her last days with you to be sad."

Shit, she's right, I would have been so fuckin' busted knowin' she could up and die any day.

"I wanted to be with her, when she went." I tear up when I say that. I wasn't there when my mother or grandfather died, I wanted to at least be with Gee Gee. I owed it to her.

Aunt Dee takes my hands in hers and kisses them.

"She knows you do important things, Faith. She didn't want you postponing your trip, besides, she really didn't think she'd go that fast. The original scan she had last month didn't show any cancer in her brain."

"What happened, it just grew that fast?"

"The first one must have been wrong."

"Fuck, uhhh sorry." I apologize to Leah who's holdin' Joey. He's bouncin' on her hip and holdin' his arms out to me. He makes me smile this little boy. I hold my arms out and he tries to squirm outta Leah's arms. She notices what he's tryin' to do and hands him over.

"Hey, little man. I missed you so much." I give him kisses and he giggles and squeals. He's so cute he makes me laugh. "Sorry, bubba, I was kinda out of it the last time you saw me. I promise this time I'll play with ya." I bounce him up and down on my knee and he claps.

Uncle Jim comes down and says he put my stuff in Gee Gee's room. Giles'll take Ashley's bed. The girls are gonna double up again.

I start to protest and Dee won't hear it. "You have to spend some time with her; it'll help, believe me." She mean spend time with my grandmother's things, and her spirit.

Joey stands on my lap and I hold him securely by his waist, he starts rockin' back and forth and side to side, like he's dancin'. Shit, he remembers our little dance routine. I taught that to him while Buffy and everyone went to the mall the last time we were here. Gee Gee and me were teachin' him this dance, and singin' an Italian song Gee Gee used to sing to us all when we were little babies like this. This kid is amazin'! I can't believe he remembered that. He's lookin' at me almost darin' me to sing.

"La mia mamma, matta matta  
M'ha pigiato nella pignatta.  
Mia sorella, bella bella  
M'ha posato nel cestello.  
Il mio papà, quatton quattoni  
M'ha pappato in un boccone.  
Per l'amor di San Martino  
Son diventato un bel uccellino:  
Cip, cip, cip!"

He's rockin' out and everyone around me is stunned. They're all smilin' and I can tell a few of my cousins wanna bust out laughin'.

"Oh, Faith! That's just like Gee Gee!!" Leah squeals.

I can see a grin break out on Giles' face and he nods.

I shake my head, "Me, like Gee Gee? Yeah right."

Aunt Dee pokes me in the side. "You see what you want to see, you don't see what we see."

B and the others are always sayin' that same shit to me, I wonder when I'll ever get it. But still, my grandma was a classy lady, and I'll never live up to what she did. Always helpin' everybody out when she could, even takin' in her kids friends when they were tossed out of their places at one time or another.

Dee pats my leg and whispers to me that we'll talk later. I make Joey dance for another two songs, one of which is Jingle Bells in Italian, and everyone claps and laughs. You'd never have thought someone so dear to our hearts had died today if you walked in the room right now.

I guess that's how Gee Gee wanted it; It's funny that she's always guidin' us the way she wants us to act, even when she's not here.

*****

I'm sittin' on Gee Gee's bed and takin' in everything, includin' her perfume that's still in the air. It's not the same one that B uses, but it has the same kinda calmin' effect on me. I want to break down, but I just can't, I don't know why. A soft knock interrupts my thoughts and Dee asks if she can come in.

"It's open."

"Uncle Sal just called they met up with Bobby and Ted, they'll be here in about a half an hour."

"Cool."

I feel her starin' at me.

"You doin' ok, Faith?"

How can she ask me that after losin' her mother, my grandmother?

"Are you?"

"No, but we'll get through it all as a family, no?"

"Yeah, we will."

"What about the stuff with Buffy?"

"What about it?" I still have to act like the break up is real. Even though this place isn't bugged, I don't know what or who could be tippin' the assholes off, so we have to keep as many people as possible out of the loop.

"It all happened so fast. I'm still in shock."

"Me too. But I was always pullin' stupid shit that she'd be annoyed with. I guess she just got fed up."

"You two looked so solid, even though you were fightin' when you came up here the last time, I still felt you guys would last. I mean," She scoffs, "If Jim and I broke up for good everytime we fought I wouldn't be married and these kids of mine wouldn't be here."

"What a horrible thought."

"I know right?!"

"I mean, not for the girls, but Joey not bein' born, man that would suck."

She laughs and slaps my leg. "Oh you're a real piece of work! I'll tell the girls you said that. But that little boy is somethin' right?"

"He's somethin' alright. He's a doll is what he is."

"I know, he just cheers up even the most fucked situations."

"It's like he knows we need it."

"He's really smart, Leah's gotta take him to get tested. I think he's a genius."

"Yeah, but let him be a kid, ya know, geniuses learn a lot by playin' with other kids, in the mud and junk."

"So, does Buffy know about your Gee Gee?"

I nod, "She got a call from someone, I think and then she called Will and confirmed it. Willow called me and asked if it was ok if Buffy came up to the funeral."

"What did you say?"

"What did I say, or what did I wanna say?"

"What did you say, because I know what I'd say."

"I said, whatever, let her do what she wants. Did Gee Gee ban her from the funeral?"

Aunt Dee shakes her head.

"So, it's not up to me, she can come, she just can't make a scene or she's gettin' bounced. Right?"

"Right," Dee pats my leg again. "You're bein' very good about it, I would be fuckin' bustin' heads. 'Scuse my French, Ma." She crosses herself.

"Hey, did Buffy know about Gee Gee bein' real sick?"

"Not that I know of, but you know Gee Gee, she don't spill no one's secrets."

"You're not kiddin'."

"Still can't believe that about you and Buffy."

"Yeah well, whadda ya gonna do?"

"Nothin'," She shrugs, "what can ya do?"

"Nothin'."

"You comin' down to meet Uncle Sally and Aunt Rae? Ted and Bobby should be with them."

Fuckin' used to throw me into fits when Uncle Salvatore's and Aunt Raelena's nicknames were mentioned, because "Uncle Sally", I mean funny in and of itself, but then he's married to "Aunt Rae". I used to die laughin'.

"Of course," I smirk, "I wouldn't miss it."

"You still get a kick outta their names, huh?"

"It's funny!!"

"Yeah, yeah, ya ditzy broad. C'mon."

We get up and she slings an arm around my shoulder, I see a picture that catches my eye and I stop, it's a really old one, in a brass frame that's up on the wall. The two girls are posed kinda like how me and Aunt Dee are standin' right now.

"Is that Gee Gee?"

"Yep, and her best friend, Alicia. That was taken on Gee Gee's farm in Palermo."

"Wow, they were lookers, who knew huh?" I kid. I've seen pictures of her as a young woman before, just not this one.

"You're bad. And you knew your Gee Gee was a hottie. She can hear you, ya know. She'll getcha!"

"I know, I better watch out or I'll pitch down the stairs."

"Yeah, but with my luck you'll use me to break your fall."

"Whadda ya gonna do?" I wiggle my brows at her.

*****

"Uncle Sally! Aunt Rae!" Aunt Dee rushes to the door and greets her Uncle and his wife. She's glarin' at the girls who can't keep their snickers in at the nicknames. I said it was hard to do. They're faces are serious with a hint of wantin' to laugh.

"Such a shame, Deborah, what a shame, huh?" Aunt Rae tuts and looks like she's about to bawl. Then she and Uncle Sal notice me. "Is that Faith?"

"'Course that's Faith, Rae! Whatta ya, blind? Looks just like Kate." Uncle Sal says.

They didn't call my mom Kathy, she was Kate. "The Kate that Fate Hates", she used to always fuckin' say. Then she'd mutter, "Faith, too." Meanin' that I hated her, too. If she only knew that I loved her so much, but she beat the hate into me. Maybe she did know. But I can't think of that now, I have people to get reacquainted with.

Uncle Sal and Aunt Rae hold their arms out to me and I go over and hug them both. Aunt Rae pinches my cheek, Uncle Sal pats my hand.

"Such a beautiful girl, you stayin' outta trouble?" Aunt Rae says all concerned.

I nod, "Yeah, I'm workin' for the good guys."

"Good, I always knew ya had moxy." Uncle Sal winks.

"I'm sorry for your loss Uncle Sal." I give him a kiss on the cheek.

"She was my older sister, we were the last two left of the D'Allesio's from Palermo." He looks at me all sad then shrugs, "Whatta ya gonna do?"

I want to crack up because I know I'm gonna hear that all week. Seems like when an Italian doesn't know what to say, we say 'Whatta ya gonna do?' instead. If I really sat down and thought about it I'd know why that is, but I'm really overloaded right now. My two Uncles who were sayin' their hellos to everyone are makin' sure they razz me about jail and stuff. Always gotta tease.

"So, where's your wives, they finally wise up and leave ya?"

Uncle Bobby laughs, "No, they're gettin' the kids ready. Ted and I figured we'd get out here first and then they can come tomorrow night. Give them an extra day in school and stuff. Plus, it'll give the girls more time to pick out their outfits." He laughs and all the men agree.

"Hey, not to bring up business, but we have to go meet the undertaker tomorrow. We've got a 9am appointment." Aunt Dee says.

"Gotta pick out the casket and stuff." Uncle Ted sighs. "Do we need to buy her clothes?"

"No, she had an outfit picked out already." Aunt Dee looks over at me. "You're comin' tomorrow." She's not askin'.

"Why me?"

"You're the executrix of her estate."

"When the hell," I stop myself and nod to Aunt Rae and Uncle Sal. "Scusi, but when the... since when?"

"Since before you went out to California, your foster mother signed on your behalf."

What the shit? How the fuck did Emily know them and why would she agree to me bein' the executrix of my grandparents estate?

"Don't think about it Faith, you know your grandmother was testa dura, when she wants something she gets it." Uncle Sal says. "She wanted you to be the boss, you're it."

"Why wouldn't...nevermind." I can't begin to think about this shit.

"So you're comin' tomorrow." Aunt Dee says, again, not a question.

"I guess."

What the fuck was Gee Gee thinkin'? I look at Giles with that written all over my face and he shrugs.

Great, another fuckin' mystery for me to solve. Go me.


	26. Funeral For A Gee Gee

Chapter 26- Funeral For a Gee Gee

After we get out of the funeral parlor we decide to go get something to eat. We stayed up pretty late last night talkin' and I got reacquainted with my aunt and uncles so we had to rush out this mornin'. Giles came with us at my request, he knows a lot about legal stuff because he has to deal with a lot being the head of a private school. Plus, it helped that he was a link to Buffy.

I really miss her right now, it's kinda overwhelmin'. Willow called and said they'll be here tomorrow mornin'. I had called her when we got outta the funeral parlor to let her know when the viewing would be. She, Dawn, Xander and Andrew are coming up together and they'll be here for the first viewing. It'll be good to see them all.

Leah and Kara met us with the other girls at the diner for some food, they brought the ray of sunshine that is Joey. He really rocks my world and makes me wanna have a kid, like yesterday. I swear as soon as this shit is over I'm gettin' Red to do that spell. I hope Buffy will feel like havin' a kid, too. If not I'm findin' someone else. Yeah, right.

We have a pretty good time, tellin' our favorite Gee Gee stories. I'm fascinated by some of the stuff she used to get up to in Sicily. Uncle Sal's been tellin' stories of her and her friend Alicia. Seems Gee Gee used to help her out a lot, but Uncle Sal thinks Alicia was like a Robin Hood, because there were a lot of poor and starvin' people around their village. Uncle Sal also says Alicia got into fights a lot, and had a really bad temper. Sounds like a woman after my own heart. Heh.

When we're done eatin' we all go back to the house. I feel kinda run down and headachey, so I tell them I'm gonna go lay down. Aunt Dee makes sure I'm ok, and asks if I wanna talk. I say that I'm fine, just tired and she gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"You might not realize this Faith, but Gee Gee saw you as her replacement."

"Dee, you're crazy."

"No, Faith. You have such an ability to lead, how can you not see it?"

"I'm..." I was gonna say, 'Number two slayer, always will be.' But I stop myself just in time. "I'm blind I guess. I'll go sleep on it, maybe it'll become clearer." I wink at her and she smirks.

"Such a smartass. Go get some rest. Bella." She winks at me and it's heartbreakin' 'cause she's about to bawl.

That makes tears spring to my eyes. God, I'm gonna miss Gee Gee so much!

I blow a kiss to Aunt Dee and she catches it. Somethin' else Gee Gee used to do with us all the time. Man, I have to go lay down. I get to the room and I stare at that picture of Gee Gee and her Slayer. Wonder if Giles ever found out what happened to her.

After tossin' and turnin' I finally I get to sleep. I'd have been able to get to sleep really quick if I could have given myself a happy, but I'm in my grandmother's bed, dude! That woulda been gross, and Gee Gee would have smote me for sure. I was hopin' for another one of those dreams with Buffy, but as I sleep, I have no such luck. Instead of an awesome dream, I get a nightmare.

I'm back in Southie in Ma's first apartment, the one she went to after she told Gee Gee and Pops to fuck off. She and I lived in her old bedroom after she had me but Ma couldn't stand when Gee Gee'd try to help her out, so she left. She moved us in with some asshole who said he had a job down at the docs. Turns out he was a drug dealer. Figures. But it's weird, I shouldn't be remembering this place, I wasn't even Joey's age. I was like 6 months old.

The place was in the projects, she got welfare but she didn't buy no fuckin' food with it, it all went to smack and coke. It's a wonder I didn't die. Gee Gee and bein' a potential is the reason for that, I guess.

All of a sudden my ma wakes up from her stupor and notices me watchin' the dream. My heart clenches.

"You think havin' a kid is easy? What the fuck do you know?!"

"I know a monkey could have done a better job of raisin' me."

"You don't know shit, you bitch, so don't fuckin' judge me. Besides, I loved you, you never fuckin' loved me!"

"You're wrong, ma!" I want to stop myself from fightin' back, but I can't.

"Oh, yeah?! Well who fuckin' left me to die by myself?! Was that me?!"

"You did that to yourself, I couldn't fuckin' stand around watchin' and waitin' for it!!"

"Your girl woulda, but not _you_, you always fuckin' leave."

Huh?

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringin', for a minute I think I have to be Ken, but I see it's my actual phone and Dawnie's number is on the display.

I shake my head to get the remnants of the dream out of it.

"Hey Pipsqueak, when did you get in?"

"About an hour after you did. How are you holdin' up, Faith?"

"I'm keepin' it together. Could be a whole lot better, though."

"I know, I'm so sorry about Gee Gee, I can't believe it. I mean, we just...ya know?" Her voice breaks.

"I know," I almost said 'Whatta ya gonna do', fuck that's gonna make me laugh the next time I hear it.

"Will says you're comin' up here tomorrow morning." I say.

"That's one of the reasons I'm calling, we have a slight change in plans. We'll be there tomorrow night. I'm gonna wait for Buffy, I'm gonna need some alone time with her before we come up there. I hear she insists on bringing Ken."

Dawnie's cell must be bugged, otherwise she wouldn't be sayin' that shit.

"Yeah, fuck it, I'm not gonna be the loser to start a scene, but if either of them starts anything, I don't know what I'm capable of. Oh, and I'm sorry I said those things I did when you were here last, I didn't mean any of it."

"I know you didn't, that's why I'm not holding it against you. Don't worry, Faith. When I come up there, I'll be by your side the whole time."

"I'm glad, I need someone to help me through this, Giles has been great, but I think I'm freakin' him out."

"I'm happy he's up there with you." I can hear her being called by Willow. "I better get going, Will wants me for some _thing_ she has cooking," She lowers her voice to a whisper, "you know she uses too many gas making foods, right?"

"Yeah, you better get some beano and take it before you eat."

We chuckle at the memory of the one time Will made a casserole that gave everybody either heart ailments, or stomach issues.

"See you tomorrow, Faith. I love you."

"I love you, too, D. Thanks for callin'."

"You're welcome, even though no thanks are needed."

"Have a safe trip, Pip."

She chuckles at the rhyme.

"I will, and like I said don't worry, I'm gonna straighten Buffy out."

"Good luck."

"Bye."

"Bye, D."

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Squirt."

"Bye"

"Thanks for callin'"

"You're welcome."

She wants to say more, but she doesn't. Probably doesn't wanna make me bawl. That's ok, I don't think I could right now anyway. I wonder why that is.

*****

Fuck, tomorrow's here already, and this is it. My first family funeral. Yeah, I've been to plenty of others, 'specially slayer funerals. I hate 'em. But this is the first relative in my family that I'll be going to a funeral for. I bet there'll be a lot of people comin' out of the woodwork to ask me questions, and tell me how cute or ugly I was as a child.

Everyone's dressed in mostly black, I went with grey. I have about three or four fitted suits with me. Giles got them from our apartment and brought them with him. Don't really feel like bein' in a skirt 'cause it's cold, so I'm grateful to him for bringin' the suits.

Speakin' of Giles, he's makin' his way over to me, kinda hangin' back like he doesn't wanna bother me. He gets in behind me when I step into the entry way to where they have my Gee Gee laid out. My knees almost give out and Giles catches me around the waist and pulls me up. Holy shit!! How did he know that was gonna happen? My Aunt gasps and comes rushin' to my side.

"Faith, are you ok? You didn't eat this mornin' did ya? I knew it!!"

I guess I didn't eat. Wasn't thinkin' of food; not one bit that's for sure.

I get my bearin's back and say I'm ok. I'll be fine.

I'm glad they let us come in early, wouldn't have wanted to do that in front of other people, besides my family, that is. Dee hooks her arm through mine and she and I make our way up to the casket.

Shit, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. And that's sayin' somethin'!

My legs are shaking and my mouth has gone dry. There's a kneeler in front of the casket and Aunt Dee makes me kneel when we get up to it. She crosses herself and bows her head in prayer. I just stare at Gee Gee, she looks really good, for bein' dead. She just looks like she's sleepin'. I wish I had some poignant words or some prayer I could remember, but all I can think to say is thank you. Thanks for always bein' there, thanks for thinkin' of me, and thanks for holdin' things together here so well. I also apologize for bein' so stupid and not keepin' in touch. But somehow, even though I didn't keep in touch, I think Gee Gee knew what I was up to. I really have to find out about my watcher signin' that paperwork on my behalf. She never said anything.

Aunt Dee gets done prayin' and she leans over and straightens some things out in the casket, there's a rosary made of roses pinned up to the lid of the casket and a string of prayer beads in Gee Gee's hands. I remember those from my childhood, I used to sneak into Gee Gee's room when she was prayin' and I'd kneel down next to her. She'd feel me next to her and put her arm around me and kiss the top of my head and then let me have the beads to hold, I think I was 5. I didn't really know what she was doin', my mom didn't take me to church or nothin' and from the time I was 2 until the time I was 5 she didn't allow me to come around my grandparents much.

When I was 5 she ODed and I came to live with Gee Gee and Pops for a while. That was probably the best time of my young life. Before my 6th birthday, ma came back to claim me. She made out like they were tryin' to kidnap and brainwash me. Why she had such a fuckin' hard time in trustin' people I'll never know.

What the fuck am I thinkin'? I did the same shit when I was in SunnyD.

God, why am I thinkin' of tryin' to have a kid? I'll just do the same fucked up shit that ma did. I think she came to me in that dream to warn me, and she was right. I'm taken out of my thoughts my Aunt Dee gettin' up and walkin' around me so she's face to face with Gee Gee, she leans in and says a few words to her, with tears streamin' down her face and she kisses her. Then she stands and waits for me to get up, there's a line behind me so I gotta do somethin'. Don't know if I wanna kiss a dead person though. I know people do it, and yeah, Buffy fucked a couple of 'em, but... Wow, I really just pissed myself off with that line of thinking. If I wasn't in a room full of people I'd fuckin' slap my own face for that one. Don't tell Buffy I said that shit, she'd kick my ass real hard.

I get up and lean over and kiss Gee Gee and tell her I love her. When I turn to walk to the seats everyone has tears in their eyes and a couple of the girls and Aunt Dee come over to hug me. Visitin' hours have started and I can see more people have arrived, I can hear my name bein' said, and people talkin' about how I'm with the cops now.

Good thing this thing is only two hours, there were like 200 people here today, and they say the night one even more people come. I'm glad though, Gee Gee was loved and respected by a lot of people, so it's good to see that they came out to pay their respects.

We go back to Aunt Dee's for the in between time. Some of her friends have come over and brought food that they made and fruit baskets and stuff, and there are a bunch of people here already, mostly my cousins and I see that my best friend's from childhood's mom is here.

"Is that Faith?!"

"Hey Mrs. D." I smile.

"Oh my God, you went and got even more gorgeous than when you were a kid!" She holds her arms out and I go and hug her. "I'm so glad I got to see you!"

"Me too, is Brian around?" I look around to see if I can spot him. He's probably all big and manly now.

She stiffens and looks at me puzzled.

"You didn't hear?"

My stomach sinks.

"Hear what?"

"He was shot last year, gettin' into his car. Some junky shot him 'cause he wanted to steal the car. He could have just asked, Brian woulda given it to him." She tears up and I have to look away.

All I can think of is again, 'Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?!' I spot Aunt Dee and she looks guilty. I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with her. Can't be mad at her, though, maybe she had other things on her mind.

I keep my composure. "I'm really sorry to hear that Mrs. D., I hadn't heard that, or maybe I did and thought they were talking about a different Brian. I'm sorry, he was a great kid."

"He was my heart." Her voice breaks and she tears up again.

I nod at her and she hugs me again. She says with a bit of laughter in her voice, "I remember all the antics you and Brian would get up to, it was always somethin'! You remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. Took your car outta park one time and rolled down the driveway."

"Oh, God! I thought an earthquake hit. You remember that Deborah?"

"Yeah, I do, you called Ma and asked if she felt a rumble. But it was Earthquake Faith over there, and her sidekick Brian."

I did have that nickname for a while, we had hit the house with the car after we took it outta park. Well, I took it outta park and Brian kept yellin', 'We're drivin', Faith, we're drivin'!' He was so excited. It was funny because we were prepared for impact, he and I put these plastic hard hats on, I think his was a construction worker lookin' one and mine was a Red Sox battin' helmet that they sell as souvenirs. They're not really sturdy though, one good fastball to the head and that thing would shatter like glass.

"Well, I thought it was the end of the world! They didn't do too much damage though, only a little paint on the car from the side of the house. Boy, were they in trouble that day, huh?"

"Day? Days! Faith couldn't go out the rest of the week. I thought she was gonna climb the walls." Aunt Dee bumps my shoulder.

I shrug. Yeah, I couldn't stand bein' cooped up. Still can't, which is why I have an urge to go outside right now.

"Did Brian have a wife and kids?"

"No, no kids, he had a fiancée though. They would have been married this year." She looks at me and I know what's comin' next, so I brace myself for it. "Whatta ya gonna do?"

"I'm really sorry." I didn't laugh, thank Christ for that.

"I know, but we'll always have him here, no?" She points to her heart.

"And here," I point to my head. "always."

Mrs. D smiles and pulls me in for a hug. "I'm so glad you're back, Faith. We missed you around here."

"I missed you guys, too."

After about an hour of meetin' people and huggin', jokin' and laughin' and watchin' people cry, I go out back to sit on the steps. I had changed when we got back so I didn't mess up my suit because I'm gonna wear the same one tonight, but instead of a blue shirt I'm gonna wear a coral one, Buffy likes that one and I wanna wear something that'll make her happy, she'll know I did it just for her.

I'm sittin' just watchin' birds fly into the backyard and fly out. I know it's weird that I haven't cried, I mean, I've had tears, but I haven't had a real cry about this whole thing. I don't know when it's gonna happen, but I'm just hopin' I can get it to stop when it does.

I hear the back door open and someone comes out quietly.

"Hey, G-man."

"How are you holding up, Faith?"

"I'm doin' ok, considerin'."

"Yes, you are. I heard your friend's mother tell you of his untimely death. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, Brian. He was the original 'B'." I chuckle. "He and I got into a lot of trouble together, but it was all innocent stuff. Like spray paintin' a tree bright orange, makin' his little brother puke by spinnin' him way to fast on the merry go round in the park, fallin' through the ice 'cause we didn't wait until it was ready, pool hoppin', ya know, all kid stuff."

"Grand theft auto with property damage." Giles chuckles.

"Yeah, that wasn't planned." I laugh.

We're quiet for a while.

"We always said we'd marry each other when we got older."

"What happened?"

"We grew up and I realized I was into girls. He realized it, too. He's the only one of my so called friends who didn't give me shit about it. I had to bury it because I got beat up for it more than a few times and these kids would say they were gonna tell my mom."

"What would she have done?"

"Probably beat me with a baseball bat. She hit me a couple of times with the small end, ya know, the handle. Fuckin' broke my wrist."

"What did you do?" He probably thinks I got it off her and hit her with it.

"Took it and threw it into a wood chipper."

We're quiet for a while.

"Hey, thanks for catchin' me earlier today, I had no idea that was gonna happen. But you did, didn't ya?"

"Yes, I could tell."

"How?"

"I did the same thing when I went to my mother's funeral. I could see the signs."

He comes and sits down next to me.

"Well, I really appreciate it." I pat his leg.

"You're quite welcome."

"You heard from Will yet?"

"Yes, they should be here in an hour."

After a few more moments of silence, I ask him what's been on my mind since I found out Gee Gee had been so sick.

"Did you know Gee Gee was about to die?"

"I knew she was sick, I think we all knew that, but not that she was so very gravely ill."

"I just wish they had trusted me to tell me."

"I don't think it was about trust, Faith. From what your Aunt told me, I believe they were carrying out your grandmother's wishes, she didn't want it to affect your duties."

"Yeah, I heard that, too." I look out to where a cat is slinkin' along the back fence, must be a stray. "I can't believe my watcher knew about the estate thing and didn't tell me. I mean, at least she coulda told me that she knew my family. Or somethin'."

"I suspect she didn't get the chance."

"Before that fuckface killed her." I nod.

"Her personal effects were sent to her next of kin, but her official watcher records were destroyed with the council in England."

I sigh. I guess it's not a big deal why she did it, but I would've liked to have known I mattered, maybe it would have made me feel better about myself or somethin'.

"I guess I better go get dressed, we've got to go back."

"Yes, we should get going," Before I get to the door Giles calls out to me and I turn back to him. I hope his words of wisdom don't make me cry. "Help me up?"

I laugh and extend my arm to him. "C'mon, old man, let's go. I can hear your bones gettin' older as we speak."

"Don't make fun, those steps were colder than I thought."

"I'll have Aunt Dee get you a hot water bottle."

"Oh, that would be lovely, thank you Faith."

Heh. I was kiddin' but I guess I'll have Dee get him the bottle. For his old bones.

*****

We're back at the funeral parlor and I'm all nervous about seein' B again, because I can't go up to her and hug and kiss her and I don't know if I'll be able to contain myself. I wonder how that shit's gonna go down. I really want for us to be able to be ourselves, I want that more than anything I've ever wanted before. Is it too much to ask to want a normal fuckin' life? But I guess if I had that, I would've never met B and then I wouldn't be happy at all. I'd be forever roamin' around wonderin' where my other half is.

And she really is my other half. My better half. The me I aspire to be. Heh. B.

I'm sittin' talkin' to Kara with Joey bouncin' up and down on my knee and some other people around us talkin', when I can feel her come in the room. I get goosebumps on my arms and a shiver goes through me. I look over and all I can see is Dawn she looks nervous about bein' here and looks around tryin' to spot me. I give Joey a kiss on his head and hand him back to Kara, he fusses a little bit, 'cause he wasn't done bouncin'. I get up and step out of the crowd and brace myself. Sure enough when Dawnie sees me she looks like she's tryin' to restrain herself from rushin' over jumpin' into my arms.

"Heya, Pip, I'm glad you could make it. Thanks for comin'." I hold my arms out to her and she quickly moves into them.

"Oh, Faith!" She hugs me and it's almost takin' my breath away. Damn, she squeezes hard.

"Hey, Dawnie, it's good to see you, too. I'm really happy you're here."

"Oh, Faith!" She's cryin', I guess she really got to know Gee Gee while I was in that coma, in a way I'm glad for that, otherwise they might not have gotten to know each other.

"Shhhhhh, Don't cry, D. It's ok, she's not sufferin' anymore, ya know?"

Dawnie nods her head and wipes her tears. I give her a tissue and she thanks me.

She chuckles through her tears, "I never have a tissue when I need one, do I?"

"What're you talkin' about? With your allergies, you usually carry around a box."

She smiles at me and then lets out some fresh tears, she throws her arms around me again and whispers in my ear. "Faith, it's me, Buffy."

I tense up for a second and then squeeze her harder than she was squeezin' me. She gasps.

I whisper into her ear, "Oh, god, B. Oh, god." I'm so happy she did this, I wasn't even thinkin' anything like this when I was tryin' to figure a way of us bein' able to be together here.

"Willow helped me out, I couldn't stand not being here for you, Faith. I'm so, so sorry."

"I know you are, B."

I realize we've been standin' here for a little bit, and any more would look suspicious or like I'm tryin' to make the moves on Dawn at my Grandmother's funeral so I break our hug and put my arm through hers to take her to meet people.

My cousins, Aunt and Uncles have gathered around to greet Dawn and the others. I notice Xander, Andrew and Will and I wave at them. Before B unhooks herself from me, she leans in again and whispers, "Vi is me, Rona's still Kennedy, they're coming in in about 15 minutes."

"Are Will, Andy and Xander themselves?"

She shakes her head no and leans in again. "Xander's Xander, Andrew is Dawn..."

"And Willow is Andy." I knew he'd find a way to wear a skirt.

She nods and I wanna fuckin' crack up but then I realize Will's MIA. "Where's Will?"

"Back at the hotel with a couple of other Wicca's making sure no one messes with things here. They're also trying to follow a lead we got this morning."

Oh, really? I can't fuckin' wait to hear this, but I'm gonna hafta, we have family I have to introduce Dawn and everyone to my family. I go up to Will (Andy) and we hug, "Thanks for comin', dude, I really appreciate it." I whisper into Andy's ear. 'Willow' let's out a sob and says, "You're welcome, Faith. I'm just sorry I wasn't able to be there when you found out."

I pull back and look into Andy's eyes and I know he means it. He's a really good guy. "I know, Will. I know." We hug again and I whisper into his ear, "Nice choice of purse and shoes, you really have taste, dude."

"Thanks." He whispers back.

It's Xander's turn and I hug him extra tight. "Thanks for coming, Xand. It means a lot."

"I wouldn't have missed this, Faith. Gee Gee was a wonderful woman, I only wish we had more time with her."

"Me, too, dude. Me too." He looks at me the sincerity on his face makes me wanna cry but I keep it in check.

Buffy and 'Willow' are standin' with their arms around each other as 'Andrew' approaches to give 'his' condolences.

"Hey, Andy, thanks for coming." I'm taken a bit by surprise by 'him' jumpin' into my arms, but I guess I shouldn't be, after all, Dawn is inside that skin.

She whispers into my ear, "Oh, Faith, I'm so, so sorry."

"I know, ya are, D. I appreciate it."

"I don't know what to say." 'Andy's' voice cracks. "She was a wonderful woman."

"She was. The best."

I can hear my Aunt talkin' to some people, explainin' who these people are to me.

We finally break apart and 'Dawn' steps up by my side again she watches as people approach the casket and pay their respects to Gee Gee. I can tell she wants to go up but she doesn't know what to do.

After the gang gives their condolences to my Aunt, Uncles and cousins I move in beside B. It's freaky with her as Dawn, but I guess it makes the most sense. Especially in front of my family.

"Did you wanna go up and say a little somethin' to Gee Gee?"

"I should, shouldn't I?" She's watchin' as one of my distant cousins prays at Gee Gee's casket, then gets up and kisses her. B stiffens.

"You do what you, wanna...D."

"Will you come up with me?"

"Of course."

I go up and kneel first, further away from Gee Gee so that Buffy can kneel down and be closer to her.

"She looks good, Faith, doesn't she?" She whispers.

"Very good."

Buffy bows her head and whispers somethin', I don't quite hear it all, but I did hear her thank Gee Gee for everything she did for us and for lookin' out for me over the years. She starts to cry when she's finished and I put my arm around her. After a few moments she gets up and goes over so she's closer to Gee Gee, she bends over and whispers her love and that she'll miss her and another thanks for everything she's done, she also promises she'll take care of me and it brings tears to my eyes. They don't fall though, they're just brimmin'. She kisses Gee Gee on the cheek and backs away, she lets me in to kiss her and this time I don't hesitate.

Feels fuckin' weird, I always thought my grandmother was the warmest person ever. She always radiated heat and life, she was like the sun to me, and now she's all cold. I'm glad my Aunt put the shawl she used to wear when it was cold on her. Besides lookin' good and right, I want her to stay warm. I know that sounds crazy, but it gives me some comfort.

'Will', Xander, and 'Andrew' follow suit payin' their respects and bowin' their heads to say a few words to Gee Gee.

When the ranks of people that came to pay their respects have thinned some, I notice a familiar blonde head makin' it's way inside. Funny, that now that I know it's not her inside, my heart doesn't pang when I see 'Buffy'. I still think she's pretty hot lookin' though. Rona hangs back and just nods at me, she knows my family is pretty pissed at the whole situation, so she's tryin' not to start anything.

Vi comes over to me and extends her hand, I pull her into a short hug. "Thanks for comin', Vi."

"I'm really sorry it's under these circumstances, Faith. I met her when you were in a coma, she was a great lady."

We end our hug and my family behind me sighs and I can hear some chatter, probably sayin' what nerve she had for comin' and bringin' Ken.

"Thanks for coming, Buffy."

"You're welcome, Faith." She nods and looks nervously at my Aunt.

Dee steps up and hugs 'Buffy' too, she thanks her for comin' and I know she wants to say a few more things but she holds herself in check. I had warned her not to start anything, and she had got mad that I even implied she'd be anything but civil, but I know my Aunt, she'd probably take Buffy into the undertaker's office and give her hell.

After 'Buffy' and 'Ken' give their condolences and pray by Gee Gee's casket, they go towards the back of the room and sit.

I spot 'Andy' sittin' by Giles and 'he's' barely holdin' a huge cry in.

I go and ask Giles if I can have that seat. He nods and moves over to where 'Dawn' is.

"Hey, D. You ok?"

"No, I'm so upset about Gee Gee, I just can't believe it." She shifts uncomfortably. "And this body feels all weird."

"So, how's it feel havin' to pee standin' up?"

"Not funny, Faith!" She whispers loudly into my ear, but not loud enough for other people to hear. "It's all... I still sit, I don't care what anybody thinks I should do. Whatever."

I knew Dawn wouldn't take to kindly to bein' in Andy's body, it would be kinda weird, plus she's pretty girly, she'd be havin' these weird feelin's and stubble. It's kinda funny.

On the other hand, 'Willow' over there sittin' by Xander looks pretty comfy. 'She' smiles at me and then goes back to talking to Xander and my Aunt.

I pat Dawn's leg and give her another hug. "I really appreciate you doin' this for us Dawnie, I was goin' nuts not bein' able to be close to Buffy and to be comforted by her."

"I know, which is why we had to leave later, Buffy wanted Willow to do all these glamours and we had a bit of planning to do, she was like a little general giving instructions to her army. She was pretty possessed."

"I'll bet." I chuckle.

I notice B look over and I wink at her.

'Andy' discreetly pokes me in the side. "Please, promise me that if you guys do anything later, you'll remove the glamour."

I have to laugh at that.

"It's not funny, Faith! I'm serious."

I lean over and whisper into her ear, "Don't worry, D. I don't wanna get busy with your sister wearin' a Dawn costume."

"Thank you."

I nod at her and give a kiss to 'Andy's' cheek and get up.

"You missed a spot shavin'." I wink and I can see she wants to stick her tongue out at me. Damn, she's just so cute in an Andy suit. Heh. She can't help herself from just stickin' that tongue out a little while lookin' around to make sure no one's lookin' and I have to disguise my laugh in a cough. She's just too funny.

After most of the people have come and gone, and 'Buffy' and 'Ken' leave, B comes up to me and looks like she wants to ask somethin' but doesn't want to be rude.

She hesitates from interupptin' me talkin' to one of my relatives and I finish my conversation and excuse myself. She went back to sittin' on one of the chairs on the side of the wall, so I walk over and sit next to her.

"What's up, B?"

"Can we go get some air, Faith?"

"Yeah, sure. C'mon." I get up and extend my hand to her. I feel the electricity as she puts her hand in mine and allows me to pull her up. I know she feels it to 'cause her eyes go wide then dilate a bit.

I tell my Aunt me and 'Dawn' are gonna go get some air and she nods at me and tells 'Dawn' to take her sweater. It's kinda chilly out. Dee tries to tell me the same thing but I look at her like she's got three heads, 'cause I'm always hot.

"Testa dura!" She calls out after me.

"Takes one to know one." I wink back at her.

When we get outside there are a few people outside that are standin' around and talkin' and smokin'.

Man, I really wish I had one of those right now. If B wasn't beside me I'd have probably asked to bum one.

"Don't even think about it, Faith."

"What?"

"I know what you're thinking and don't, ok?"

"I wasn't...I'm not..." Fuck it, I'm busted. "I won't, ok?"

"Ok."

Again Buffy's a bit hesitant, I can feel she wants to say somethin' to me. I nudge and motion for her to take a walk, she pulls me in close for some warmth as we walk.

"I'm so glad you thought of this whole thing, B. I really needed to see you, even if it's in Dawn's body." I chuckle.

"I couldn't stand not being able to be there for you, I hated myself when you found out the other day. I wanted so much to just say fuck it and go up and hug you until we couldn't stand up anymore. I needed to be here and be able to talk to you and hold you."

"I know, I needed that, too. 'Cept there's only so much holdin' we can do in public before it looks a little weird."

She laughs, "You're not kidding. Did Dawn give you the speech?"

"Oh, yeah, no inappropriate touchin' while you're wearin' her face."

We both laugh and B's face becomes serious.

"What is is, B?"

She looks around nervously, but there ain't nothin' around 'cept some trees and a field.

"Would you come back to my hotel with me tonight?"

Does she even have to ask? She can see that written on my face.

"I know, it sounds stupid, but I didn't want to be disrespectful to Gee Gee." She explains.

"I think she'd understand, besides it's not like I'm gonna be shirkin' my responsibilities. Although I'm not gonna be able to come back with you."

B's face well, I should say, 'Dawn's' face falls.

"I have to go back to the house, usually a dozen or so family go back after the viewing, so I'll come by your room later."

Her face lights up.

"Ok, it's room 315."

"Which hotel, babe?"

"Oh, the Hyatt." She laughs. "That would be important, wouldn't it?"

"Kinda." I wink at her. God I wanna kiss her so bad, but not only would it totally give shit away, but Dawn would kill us.

I pull B in for a hug.

"I love you so much, Faith."

"I love you too, B."

"We'll get through this, together."

"I know, and I thank you for bein' with me. We'll talk more when I get to the room tonight."

We walk back to the funeral home and I realize somethin'.

"Hey, why don't you come back with us to the house? It would kinda be expected. Then I could just bring you back to the hotel and stay a while."

"Like all night?"

"That's a while." I turn my head slightly and grin at her.

"If your Aunt wouldn't be mad, you should definitely sleep over."

"I'll ask her, but I dunno, it's a school night."

She laughs.

Even though it's better than nothin', it's still weird havin' to flirt with Buffy in Dawn's body. I can't wait for later when we can be alone together.

*****

"I'm very thankful to you for bein' here, it means a lot." Aunt Dee says as she hugs 'Dawn'.

"It's the least I could do, Gee Gee was so good to me and my sister during Faith's coma, I wish I could do more."

"How about talkin' some sense into that sister of yours? I saw that butana fragida she's with."

"Oh! Aunt Dee!"

"What?! You're gonna tell me she's not a wh...streetwalker? What kinda name's Kennedy anyway?"

"Irish, no?"

"Shut up, Jim!" Aunt Dee scolds.

"I'll do my best, Aunt Dee, I promise." 'Dawn' assures her.

"Good, they were so good together, ya know?"

"Yeah, believe me, I know."

"Ok, Dawnie, give me another hug and then let Faith take you home. Faith you'll be back before we have to go to the funeral home tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, if it gets late, I might stay at Dawn's, but I'll be back here to go with you guys."

"Ok, just don't stay up too late, talkin'." She has that smartass tone to her voice when she says 'talkin', 'cause I know she really thinks we're gonna go back and drink.

When we came back to the house, I told Aunt Dee I was gonna spend some time talkin' to 'Dawn' to sort out some things about Buffy, like what we were gonna do with the apartment and all. The others left already, so I said I'd take Dawn to the hotel.

I hate havin' to lie to my family, but like I've said, it's for the best right now. They'd understand.

Besides, they've been holdin' out on the truth with me lately, I shouldn't feel too bad. I still need to have a talk with Aunt and find out why she didn't say anything to me about Brian and Gee Gee.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dee." I kiss her cheek.

"Ok, sweety, we'll have breakfast ready."

"I'll stop and get some Danish on my way back."

"Good, see you tomorrow."

"Ok."

Buffy says bye and waves to everyone.

Outside, B hooks her arm through mine and we walk out to the car.

I can tell she wants to stop and hug me, but we don't wanna look suspicious so I just squeeze her arm tighter with mine.

When we get to the car I hold the door open for her and shut it when she's inside. I walk around and get in.

"So chivalrous." B jokes as I start the car.

I laugh. "Oh, well then, next time I'll let you get in by yourself, or walk."

"And risk me finding someone else to love?"

"Ok, B, you win."

She laughs.

After we get back to her hotel I go in to use the bathroom.

B's got a couple of different bottles of perfume in here, I pick up one I don't recognize as hers and get a whiff.

Gee Gee.

Tears spring to my eyes and I put the bottle down, my hand is fuckin' shakin'. I manage to calm myself and regain my composure. When I get out of the bathroom I notice the light is dim in the room, B's sittin' in one of the chairs readin' a magazine, I can tell she's removed the glamour and before I can stop them, the tears come back, big time.

I sob out and B throws the magazine on the bed, gets up and holds her arms out to me. I walk to her and fall at her feet. She holds my head in her hands and strokes it as I let it all out. She moves back a bit and pulls me with her as she sits in the chair, I'm sittin' on the floor as she's cradlin' my head in her lap and cryin' with me.

Shit I didn't even know I had in me just comes runnin' out of my mouth before I can censor it, things about my mom, about Gee Gee dyin', findin' out about Brian bein' killed, about wantin' kids but not feelin' I'm good enough to raise 'em, about this whole fucked situation with Kennedy. And about bein' a pussy and fallin' apart.

Through it all, B just listens and soothes me with lovin' words.

When I'm all cried out, I feel like I haven't slept in days, B gathers me up in her arms and carries me to her bed. She lays me down gently and begins to take off my clothes, I feel like her baby. I don't really do much, I let her do it all.

She put one of my T-shirts on me after she took of the rest of my clothes, then she gets undressed and gets in bed.

"Why can't we stay here forever?" I say with a emotion filled voice, I might fuckin' start bawlin' any second.

She sighs and her voice has just as much emotion in it, "I wish we could."

"Why didn't anyone say how sick she was?"

"She didn't want you to know." She looks sad and her voice breaks.

Something clicks and it all becomes clear.

I know she knew.


	27. Hallelujah

Chapter 27- Hallelujah

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you. _

_She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah._

_Hallelujah sung by Rufus Wainwright_

"Faith!! Where are you going?!"

"I don't know," I'm trying to find where she put my clothes. "Wherever."

"Don't leave like this, Faith!" Buffy's tryin' to get me to stop lookin' for my stuff.

"Buffy, please, just let me go, I need to get out!"

"Why, can you just tell me why?!"

I look at her and narrow my eyes. "You're not really a blonde, B. I think you can figure it out."

"Let's talk about this!"

"Now, you wanna talk? NOW?!"

"Yes, now."

"Why didn't you talk to me about three months ago when you knew my grandmother was dyin'?!"

"Faith, I didn't know she was gonna go so soon!" Her voice breaks but I don't let it get to me. "You don't have to leave, we can talk about it."

"Buffy, are you really this dumb?"

"Keep knocking my intelligence and I'll..."

"What?!"

Probably gonna threaten my face. She sighs and her shoulders slump.

"Gotta get all violent when things don't go your way, huh?" I find my jeans and start lookin' for my socks.

She sits on the bed.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, I gotta go."

"Can you at least stay until morning?"

"That would require me stayin', I said I have to go!"

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!!"

"Woah, chill, B. You almost took out an eardrum with that one."

I'm almost finished puttin' my jeans and socks on and I'm lookin' around for my boots. She's lookin' in her bag for somethin'. I spot my boots and start headin' towards them, she holds out a letter for me.

"What's this?"

"Read it."

I see my name on the outside, it's in Gee Gee's handwritin'. Oh, shit.

"Go on, read it." She says softly, and then gently puts the letter in my hand.

I stand lookin' at it for a bit, then sit on the bed. I think I know what's gonna be in here. Might as well get it over with, I open the letter.

_Cara mia Faith,_

_Let me start by saying I'm very sorry, for many things I've done or not done in my life, but right now I'm most sorry for causing trouble in your relationship with Buffy. If you're reading this letter then that's exactly what's going on and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive her. Your grandmother is very hard headed, testa dura, no? But I knew what was going on, and I had my selfish reasons for not wanting you to know how sick I was. It's not that I didn't trust you to take the news like an adult, it's that I didn't want to see you so sad for the few days, weeks, months I had left. I'm not sure when I'll be going, but I know this, when I go it will be with the image of you at your wedding, so happy and full of life. _

_You have a great responsibility, Bella, and I feared that you would postpone your duties to help nurse me. I know that's very presumptuous of me, but you are a loving girl, I've always known that and when I thought about telling you, that was the main reason I didn't, besides being selfish and wanting to remember you happy, of course._

_Please, don't blame Buffy or anyone else, she's the only one who knew, and she fought with me that day you came to see us. She wanted me to tell you right away. She's a good woman. I feel very content to know that you have her to share your life with. I'm sad, however, to know that I won't be able to see my great grandbabies, if they're anything like you were as a child, I know they'll be very beautiful and such a handful. Good luck in trying to get them to wear clothes, especially when it's hot outside, you were always naked when you were hot._

That makes me chuckle a bit.

_I'm not going to take up too much of your time, you have things to do I'm sure, but please, don't be mad or upset with anyone except me. And you know your Gee Gee never let you be upset with her, so you figure that one out. _

_I love you, Faith. You've always made me proud, even when you weren't doing so well, you always managed to do the right thing. Know that I love you and I'll always be with you. I'll watch over you from wherever I am, but don't worry, I'm very discreet and will look away when you need to be with Buffy. Especially if it's to make me some great grandchildren. _

_Take care of everyone, you're the head of the family now. Don't look at your Gee Gee's handwriting like she's crazy._

I let out a laugh for that one.

_Deborah is quite capable, but she can't make the hard decisions, you'll need to do that. I know you will figure it all out and do the right thing when the time comes, be patient and please be careful. Take care of Buffy and your family and let her take care of you. That is my dying wish, and you cannot deny me that._

_I'll love you forever more, my sweet child. Be good to yourself._

_Love,_

_Gee Gee_

I have a pout on my face and tears in my eyes. Buffy walks over and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," She sits down next to me. "You have to understand, Faith. I did it because she asked me to."

I nod.

"Doesn't make me feel any better, makes me feel like you don't trust me." Can't seem to shake that feelin'. Wonder if I ever will.

"I didn't want to do it, and it was hard, but she's a stubborn woman."

"I know."

"Just like you..."

"I know."

And I do know. I probably woulda done the same thing if I was in Gee Gee's shoes, and she was right, if I knew how sick she was I wouldn't have gone down to DC. I just hope the shit we found on that Senator's aide will be helpful. If not I'll be really pissed. But at least I know who Gerard and that fuckface chauffeur are and what they're up to.

Buffy tentatively puts an arm around me. It feels like someone put a coolin' salve on an angry burn and I immediately relax into her side.

"You wanna lay back down?"

"Yeah, but no, wait." I want to go see Will first though. "You think I could go see Will?"

Buffy narrows her brows in confusion but she recovers quickly, "Sure, I think she's probably still up, lemme call her."

She gives me a hug and a kiss to the cheek and gets up to call Will. They speak briefly and B says I can go right over.

I tell her I'll be right back and start to leave but then I go over and pull her into a big hug. "I'm sorry for wantin' to bail on you there, B. I really don't know why I get the urge to do that. I love you, more than this world would ever be able to comprehend. Gee Gee was right, you need to take care of me and I need to take care of you. We were meant to be together and I have to learn to get that into my head." I give her one more quick but intense squeeze and go to pull away. "I'll be right back."

She stops me from movin' and looks at me with tears in her eyes, we stay like that for a few moments and finally she says, "How can you say something like that and not expect a soul searing kiss?" She pulls me in and keeps her word about the kiss.

When we break she whispers into my ear, "That's all I've been wanting you to see, we're married now, and I'm not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere, Faith. I love you so much and we're gonna be together forever. So just get it through that your thick skull already, ok?"

I laugh.

"It's a very thick head, I don't know how we'll manage."

"I'll have to go to Sunnydale and dig out Thor's hammer."

"Huh?"

"Oh, just something one of Anya's former lovers used to carry around with him, it did some serious damage."

"Well then, I'll remember not to let you go to the crater that was SunnyD."

"Hurry back, ok?" She gives me a quick peck to my cheek and then lets me go.

"I will." I blow her a kiss.

I go over to Will's room and before I get there the door opens. Shit, does she have some kinda witchy magic door opener?

The door to her house does that shit, too.

"Faith!!" She jumps into my arms as soon as I get into the room. "I'm so sorry about Gee Gee." She buries her face into the crook of my neck and cries. "I'm sorry I wasn't there today, but I'm definitely going to the funeral home tomorrow night. As me." She adds.

"It's ok, Will, I know you're doin' some important stuff here. I appreciate you keepin' us safe."

"She was a wonderful lady, Faith. I'm gonna miss her so much."

Everyone's been sayin' the exact same thing since they heard she was gone. It's gonna suck without her.

"I know, Will, I know." I rub her back and then squeeze her tighter.

After a few more minutes of Will cryin' and makin' me cry too, I ask her a favor.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, can you swing it?"

She goes over to her travelin' trunk and looks through it, the trunk itself looks like somethin' a magician would use. Often she tells hotel people she's 'Willow the Magnificent' and she'll do a little spell and they'll be all impressed. Maybe we should sign her up for the circus, she'd probably make a lot of dough. Forget that David Blaine dude; Will would blow his shit outta the water.

"Got all the stuff I need right here." She looks taps a few bottles and looks like she's takin' stock.

"Good, let's do this. Where do ya want me?"

She smirks, "On the bed."

I laugh, "I bet you've been wantin' to say that for a while."

"Forever!" She laughs. "Miss Queen of Innuendo who never lets anyone else get a chance to say it. I did now, though, didn't I?"

"Yeah ya did, ya nut."

"But really, you should lie down."

"Should I strip?"

"It would be best, but you can put a sheet over yourself."

"Wouldn't want you to get distracted and ruin somethin'." I wink.

"You think I haven't seen the girls before?"

"I know ya did, when I almost lost them in the desert." When she and I almost died together savin' those Shaman in the Middle East, I lost my shirt, half my bra, and then my boobs were almost shorn right the fuck off. I hate that memory.

She shivers at the memory too and then turns back to her trunk to get some stuff ready, I take off all my clothes and get under the covers.

"If you wanted me in your bed, Red..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't even kid because if Buffy finds out you were naked in my bed, she wouldn't wait to hear the rest, I'd be dead. So hush."

She mixes some stuff in a bowl and I see it glow bright green. Wow, that's fuckin' bitchin', dude.

Twenty minutes of sheer agony later and I'm back at Buffy's door, "Faith, what happen...why's your hair all wet? Were you out in...was it raining in Will's room? But your clothes aren't..."

"It'll all become clearer in a little while, I need to shower." I'm so exhausted I don't know if I'll be able to stand in the shower. But Will said once I let the water run over me, I should be fine. She better be right.

Buffy steps aside and lets me into her room.

"What happened?"

"I'll explain when I come back out. Please, B, I need to shower, ok?"

"Sure."

I go into the bathroom and close the door, I lean up against it and close my eyes. I can hear B talkin' to Red, tryin' to get information out of her, without tryin' to sound like that's what she's doin'.

After strippin' and turnin' the water on to really warm but not scaldin', I step into the spray. Will wasn't kiddin', I'm reminded of that old commercial for Irish Spring soap, or that Zest stuff, 'cause as soon as the water cascades over me I feel a hell of a lot perkier.

I scrub myself squeaky clean and use Buffy's hair dryer to dry my hair. Usually I like to let it air dry for a while first and then blow it dry, but I don't have time for all that.

I slip on B's robe and go back into the room. She's sittin' on the bed with her back to me. A thousand things must be goin' through her mind right now. I go and sit on the chair that's by the table.

"Can you tell me now?"

That makes me smile a little bit. It reminds me of that guy from the cell phone commercial. 'Can you hear me now?'

"What's that smile for?" She's all suspicious.

"Come here and find out." I pat my lap.

She slowly pads her way over, she's got her silk loungin' robe on, and I can tell she's got only her panties on underneath.

Woah, that's fuckin' unreal. I just got a jolt like I've never gotten before.

I can see her hesitancy, and as soon as she gets near I pull her down on my lap. I situate her right where I want her to be and she immediately goes rigid and shifts on my lap.

"Uhhhh, what...is...did you... did you bring the thingy?" Her eyes narrow at me in question; she wants to know what's goin' on.

"The thingy?" I wanna play with her just a little.

"The...you know...toy?"

"Sorta." I wink at her and smile.

I open the robe just a little and bring her hand inside, I put it on my crotch.

Her eyes are as big as dinner plates. "Th-that's, oh my god, Faith! That's real! You didn't!!" She looks accusatory, but there's a hint of a smile on her face.

"Nope, _I_ didn't..."

"Will did!!!"

"Yep."

"But, but I thought it would take days?!"

I shrug, "That's what I thought, too. But I asked Will to speed up the process."

"Oh, my god!! Is that why you came back soaking wet?"

"Yeah, it kinda hurt. A LOT!"

She pouts in sympathy, "My poor baby."

I wink and give her the eyebrow wiggle, "Speaking of babies..."

She smiles mischievously, "You didn't ask me before doing the spell. What would you do if I said I didn't want to start having kids right now?"

I was prepared for this smartassed-ness from her.

"Me and Red had a contingency plan."

"Spell reversal? Would that hurt, too?" Her brows narrow and I can't believe she walked into this one.

"Nah, not spell reversal."

She gives me a 'what then' look and I smirk, "Hot monkey sex."

Now I get the angry brows from her, "Allow me to be the first person to kick you in your balls." She starts to get off my lap, I pull her back down and hug her to me.

"Hey!! They're no balls per se, but that would still fuckin' hurt, don't even joke."

"Really, you don't have big hairy balls? Lemme see." She gets a mischevious grin on her face and it makes my new addition stiff.

Heh. New Addition, I used to listen to their stuff when I was a kid. What the fuck am I thinkin'? I've got a penis, and Buffy is sitting on my lap and I'm thinkin' about Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike. And that other dude that sounded like a woman. Fuck, focus!!

She starts to pull my robe open and I suddenly feel all self-conscious about my body. That usually doesn't happen to me. I'm self conscious about how I come off to people, but never about how I look.

"You don't want me to see?"

I kinda shake my head and shrug. I don't know what I want.

"Oh my god, I thought when you got that thing you'd be strutting around acting all 'look what I got'."

I pout and her lip comes out in sympathy.

"I did this for us, B. For our kids, not 'cause I wanna be a macho asshole."

"I know, Faith. I'm sorry, I was just kidding."

I shift a little in my chair and her ass rubbin' on my crotch makes me forget about bein' upset.

"It's ok, so you wanna try maybe...you know...?" I ask.

"Do you have protection?" She sounds serious.

"Don't take this the wrong way, B. Mostly because I don't want you to pound my face, but wouldn't that kinda defeat what we're tryin' to accomplish here?"

"Well, how do we know it'll work properly? You haven't used it yet, right?"

My face feels all hot and I know I must be blushin'. Shit, I didn't even know I could blush, but since I've been with B it seems like it's all I ever do.

"Uhhhh, ummm."

"You did use it didn't you?!" She gets that laughin' surprised face that I love to see on her. "Did you have to bring in a magazine to get you started?"

"No, but I'm not tellin' you what I thought of either, it was hot though, that's for sure!"

"Not your fantasy threesome with me and your clone is it?"

"Uh, no, not that one." That bitch, she loves to tease me about that. "It was me, you, and _your_ clone." I stick my tongue out.

"Oooh, yes, you can have appetizers, that would be nice." She winks. God she's on a roll tonight. Just be-boppin' and scattin' all over me.

I pout.

"Awww, not the adorable Faith pout again, you know how hot that makes me?"

"I guess very, 'cause you always say somethin' to make me pout."

"Not always, but it _is_ cute." She smiles and then leans in to kiss me on the pout.

When I feel her lips touch mine I feel a certain body part stir and I deepen the kiss, she gasps into my mouth. After a few minutes of makin' out she pulls away just enough so she can get her robe off.

Wow, it's like I haven't seen her naked in years, I guess it's been since the tent at the lake, I don't really count the fake stuff in DC.

I pick her up while we're kissin' and walk over to the bed, I set her down gently and she breaks our kiss and scoots back onto the bed. I was about to protest, 'cause I wasn't done kissin' her yet, when she takes off her panties and tosses 'em at me. She turns on her side and puts her head on her hand, she's got one of those 'come hither' looks on her face. I can't believe I use words like that now, ya know, the 'come hither' stuff, but I guess that's another Buffy influence, 'cause usually I'd say it was a 'come fuck me' look, but she's not a whore, so I don't think of her using words like that. Unless of course, she's in the throes of an orgasm, and then it's all on!

I still feel a bit nervous about takin' off the robe. It's like it's my first time again, and how many first times can a girl have? I mean, there was my actual first time, which wasn't a memory I'd like to think about right now, then there was my first time with a woman, then there was the first time I was havin' sex with someone I loved, which in case you were wonderin' was Buffy, now there's gonna be the first time with a real penis. My junk. Heh.

I may be all kiddin' and joky but I feel like runnin' from this room right now. She must sense that 'cause she sits up and grabs my hand.

"Faith, we don't have to do anything, if you don't want to. I just thought you wanted to."

"I do, I...'course I do, but..."

"You don't want me to see it?"

I shrug.

"Here, I'll tell you what, I'll close my eyes and get under the covers, then you take off the robe and get under too. Ok?"

"Kay." God, why do I have to be such a baby? I can't help myself though.

As soon as the robe is off I slide under the covers, she immediately drapes herself on me and starts kissin' me deeply.

I get excited and this time she can feel it on her leg, it makes her stop kissin' me, she wants to look. Her hand snakes down in between us and she touches me; it's unreal. It's not exactly better than when we're usually together and she touches me, but it's different and it's not supposed to happen so it makes it new and pretty hot.

I just don't want her to get too attached to it, 'cause when she's knocked up it goes away. Unless of course there's some reason she can't get pregnant, and then I would have to have Will do the spell reversal. That pain would be about 10 times worse than the pain I felt earlier tonight. And if childbirth is anything like _that_, then I'll have my revenge. Heh. I kid, 'cause I'll feel really bad if she has a hard labor.

I feel the sheet slippin' off while we're still makin' out and before I know it B's lookin' at my stuff.

"It's really real." She says kinda curiously.

"Yep, any realer and well, dunno what I was gonna say there but, it's real."

B chuckles. "You're cute when you're shy." Her smile turns to a sexy grin and she's about to get on top of me when I capture her around her hips and bring her sweet pussy to my just above my lips. I blow on it and she sighs.

"I missed you so much, Faith. I missed this."

I grin at her lips and breathe her scent in deep; now I know why Prince wrote that song and called it "Sugar Walls", her pussy's givin' off a carmelized sugar smell.

It makes my mouth water. I let out my tongue just to catch some of the moisture I can see glistenin' and as soon as she feels my tongue on her folds she gasps and lowers herself on my tongue.

"Ooooh that's it Faith, right there. Yessss."

"Unnnnh" Is all I can say, 'cause she's pretty excited and she's lettin' out a flood into my mouth.

When I get my tongue in as far as it can go I let go of her hip with one of my hands and she pitches forward to prop herself up on the headboard. I place my thumb on her clit and rub in slow circles.

"Oh, fuck, yes!"

She starts grindin' my face. After a few minutes of her sexy and completely x-rated talk I realize if we don't get this show started soon, it'll be all over for me. Damn, I'm a minute man now. Or woman, whatever, point is I gotta make her come before I do, never know if I'll get started again. Could just wanna roll over and go to sleep. Heh.

That would suck, especially because we haven't been together in a few days. Buffy'd probably wanna divorce.

Oh, shit, that thought made me kinda lose wood. But then I remember what I'm doin' and I hear her moans and sexy words of encouragement and I'm excited again. I can feel her clit pulsin' and the vibrations her hole make on my tongue tell me if I keep doin' what I'm doin', like I'm doin' it, she's gonna come very soon. Just as I'm thinking that she let's out an "OH FUCK!!" And pitches forward more and hits the wall with her fist. Fuck, the person on the other side of the wall hit back. We've gotta be more careful. Don't need to have people comin' up here to see what's goin' on. 'Cause I need to get off in the worst way.

She's tryin' to hold herself up as I grab onto her hips to help steady her. She's still tryin' to grind my face, eekin' out the last sensations from her clit. After I clean her up a bit I let her go and she scoots down to lay on top of me.

"Mmmmm, thank you baby, I needed that." She sighs out.

"Glad to oblige." I give her an eyebrow wiggle and she chuckles right before she leans in for a kiss.

I try to do some mind control techniques so I don't get over excited while she's strokin' me.

"You want me to, uhhh, return the favor?" She winks.

Holy shit, NO! I bring out my emergency thought of nuns, but that doesn't help because all that leads to is Buffy in a nun's get up and that's kinda hot. I roll over abruptly and sit up.

"What's the matter Faith?"

"Just kinda overwhelmed right now, B. Nothin' bad or anything."

She sits up and strokes my back, my skin ripples with her gentle touch and I get goosebumps. I sigh.

"Anything I can do to help?" She kisses my shoulder and continues across to the middle of my back, leavin' a trail of small kisses.

"Uhhh, nah, not at the moment." Except stop kissin' me like that, but I'm not about to make her mad.

I'll bet you're wonderin' what the fuck is wrong with me. Why don't I just take her already and be done with it?

I'll tell ya why, it's because I don't want it to be over in less than a minute. I don't wanna get in there pump a couple of times and that's that. And right now, with the way I feel that's just what would happen. I want it to be good for her, make it last, and have more than a minute's worth of sex.

I do some more mind calmin' techniques and try to concentrate on breathin' easily. I let her touch soothe me but it's not heatin' me up like it was. She smoothes her hand over my shoulder.

"It's like a fricking rock, baby." She says.

I chuckle to myself 'cause yeah it is, but she means my shoulder and I mean my third leg. Heh, I kid, it's not all that big, Will said it would be even more painful if I wanted a bigger one and the size is just fine for me.

"You need me to give you a massage?"

I've got my libido under control, so I turn around to her and kiss her deeply, she's startled at first and then responds. I turn fully and push her back on the bed. Once I get her fully layin' down I place myself between her legs, she parts them a little so I can get in between.

I gently lay myself on top of her while we keep makin' out. It's nice and passionate, and just the right amount of sloppy. She starts suckin' on my tongue and I get my hand in between us to cup her breast and pinch her nipple. She starts that sexy breathin' and moanin'. I better do somethin' before I start to lose control again.

I reach down with my other hand and glide my finger over her still sensitive clit, her hips jerk slightly in response and she stops kissin' me to let out a gasp.

"Oh...mmmmm..."

"Still feels good, huh?"

"Oh yeah," she chuckles and I can hear the sheer excitement in her voice. I part her pussy lips and get my hips into position.

Oh, fuck. Here it is, the moment of truth. I slick the head through her juice and she lets out another moan, she's got her eyes closed and for some reason I need to be lookin' into her beautiful hazel eyes when I do this next part. Call me a romantic, but fuck it, I wanna see her eyes. I hold my position for longer than anyone should, and it gives me what I want. Except what I wanted didn't really include a slightly confused look.

"Anything- ooooh....oh Faith, oh god."

She was about to ask if anything was wrong again, but I cut her off by puttin' myself inside her. Holy shit, dude. It's like nothin' I can describe. It's hot and wet and tight and spongy and her hole is grippin' me in a way I've felt with my tongue and fingers, but this time it's just more, and all over and magnified.

"Ooooooh....mmmmm...oh wow." She groans.

Halfway there I stop to gain my composure. It's like tryin' to hold off a tsunami, but I'm managin'. I can feel the sweat that's beaded on my forehead start to drip into my eye. I concentrate on that and it gives me the distraction I need to keep goin'. I place my hands on her breasts and squeeze a bit. The flesh that gives under my fingers directly links to the sensation I'm experiencin' in my groin and I let out a low groan.

"That's it Faith, you feel that?" She starts clenchin' her pussy around my cock and I have to close my eyes. She better be ready 'cause she's in for it now.

I start pumpin' my hips slowly, but as her gasps get louder, the faster they make me go. I lean down and capture her lips with mine and soon we're kissin' almost violently. I can feel her pussy spasm and then subside. She's about to come again. I decide to help her out with that by rubbin' her clit while I keep up the steady rhythm of my hips.

"Oh, fuck yes, yes. mmmmfffFaith! Oh, fuckfuckfuckfuck." All of that talk she does eggs me on and I try to go even harder. Soon she's flat out screamin' in my ear and her pussy contracts and expands and repeats.

That's it, I can't hold it any longer. I'm amazed I made it this far, but I doubt anyone would be able to hold out once they feel a pussy come on their cock. The force of the orgasm hits me and I punch the headboard, that's gonna hurt later, but right now you could set off a bomb on top of me and I would feel no pain. I hear a poundin' sound and I wonder briefly if that's my heartbeat I can hear.

It feels like my whole body is fallin' in to where we're connected. I'm not even sure I'm breathin' but I'm kinda aware that I'm screamin' and shoutin'. I feel a strong shudder from B's pussy again and I bang into her harder, which sets my mind on a trajectory headed straight for the fuckin' sun. I just hope I don't burn up.

Woah dude, there's fuckin' stars and shit in front of my eyes. I'm not kiddin'. I collapse down on top of Buffy and she wraps her arms and legs tightly around me, she's kissin' the side of my head. I'm now aware that I'm breathin' 'cause I can hear it reverberatin' off her skin. I must sound like a fuckin' horse that just ran the Kentucky Derby.

I doubt sex for anyone is like that, even for a guy's first time. I'll bet it has somethin' to do with the witches' brew Will mixed up. That electric glowin' lime green shit. We could market that stuff and make a ton of cash. Willow's 'Big O' Brew. Or somethin' more clever than that.

When I become in tuned with what's goin' on in the room and not just in the galaxy, I lift myself off of Buffy and flop down onto my back.

She settles herself next to me and kisses my face and whispers sweetly into my ear.

"That was fucking indescribable, Faith."

I nod my head. I still don't trust my voice. I need to close my eyes just for a moment or two.

I'm in and out of sleep, I hear faintly B say she's gonna be right back. Where's she goin'? Shoppin'?

Feels like I'm blinkin' in and out. When I blink in again B's comin' outta the bathroom. I realize I've got a sheet over me.

She lifts it up to get under with me and smirks at my crotch. "It's all small now."

"Jiggle your boobies and I'll show you how big it can get."

She laughs and jumps into bed with me, immediately layin' her head on my shoulder. She lifts her face towards me and we share another sweet kiss. When she pulls outta the kiss she's got a pout on.

"What's the matter, B?" Probably upset we've only got a few more hours together, and here I am tryin' to sleep.

"I guess you still having that means I'm not pregnant." She's got a small grin on her face so I know she's jokin' around.

"I dunno about that, I heard a 'DING!' like one of those egg timers, the second I shot off. So it's probably gotta just incubate for a few weeks."

She chuckles. "You're twisted."

"You ah." I say with my Boston accent.

We love the reruns of Saturday Night Live when Jimmy Fallon and Rachel Dratch do the teens from Boston. I always do the voices and sayin's for her. It makes her laugh like she's doin' now.

We kid around a little more then she gets a serious look on her face. "You think we could do that again?"

"I'll need a little rest first, but I'd definitely like to try, if that's ok with you."

"It'll be fine with me, in fact better than fine." She sighs contentedly. "You should get some sleep, it looks like your eyelids are being propped up by toothpicks."

I'm tryin' my best to stay awake for her but it just isn't happenin'.

"Ok, don't let me sleep too long."

"Don't worry I won't."

I catch a bit of a cat nap and when Buffy wakes me 45 minutes later I discover I have what is my first morning wood. I should take a picture. Heh.

We make love two more times but this time neither is as uncontrolled as the first time. But when the orgasms hit, I still felt like I was shot into outer space. Kinda thinkin' that has more to do with Buffy's pussy bein' so damn good, than anything else.

We start to get sleepy again and I see Buffy shiver, it's gettin' kinda cold. I get off the bed and pick up the sheet and comforter. I make up the bed while B just lounges and smirks at me.

"No, don't help, that's ok, B, you just lay there. Like a lump."

"I will." She lays back on the bed and stretches out. Damn she's fuckin' hot, sexiest lump I've ever seen, that's for fuckin' true. I have to look away or else I'll throw this shit down and have my way all night long with that hot little body of hers and then we'll miss the wake tomorrow mornin'. And I can't do that shit to my family. Gee Gee's also watchin' and she'd strike us down in a heartbeat.

I get the bed all made, which is hard to do when there's someone in it and that someone keeps pullin' the covers up too far over their head 'cause they like to cocoon themselves. I can't believe how cold she gets at night. I mean, I can get cold if it's actually cold, but even if it's like 75 degrees B's cryin' for the comforter and junk. One time she had pulled it so far over on her side, that she made it fall on the floor, when I woke up in the middle of the night to take a leak she was attached to my back like a leech, practically burrowed right underneath me and sappin' the heat right outta me. Poor cold little Buffy. Almost makes me wanna pout for her, but she's bein' a brat right now and purposely fuckin' up the covers so I can't make the bed up all the way.

Fuck it, I get it mostly done and then get back in bed. She's rolls over to make a pillow outta me and I stop her and push her back on her side of the bed. I start pawin' at her chest like I'm a cat makin' its lie down spot. She laughs.

I'm so freakin' tired it hurts, once I'm all comfy and situated on B's chest she puts her hands in my hair and massages my scalp. I kiss the area over her heart a couple of times. I hope I don't drool, I'm that fuckin' tired and I feel like I'm gonna just spittle all over her chest . Heh.

She's such a sweetheart though, she'd never say anything, 'cause she might think it would stop me from bein' all girly and layin' on her. 'Cause I know she loves it when I do that.

I can feel her move her fingers lower and massage the base of my skull. Ooooh that's fuckin' good.

I wonder when we'll find out if she's got a bun in the oven.

The last thing I feel is her givin' the top of my head a soft kiss. I think I hear her sob, but I that could be just my dream startin' to take over.

Today's been pretty sucky, and wonderful. Wonder what tomorrow will bring.


	28. Be Careful Of What You Don't Wish For

Chapter 28- Be Careful of What You Don't Wish For

Author's note: Sorry for the break in posting. I got caught up in the Dollhouse hubbub! Enjoy this chapter, I really appreciate the feedback.

I wake up to Buffy thankin' someone and the door to our room closin'.

She comes back inside the room and I think I can smell pancakes and coffee. I'm just too tired to pick my head up to look.

Yeah, I know. Me. Not care to look for food? It's just that this bed is too comfortable. And I'm feelin' like all the bones have been takin' out of my body. I feel goooood!

The bed dips down a little and I feel Buffy's hand on my back. She's smoothin' her hand over the skin.

"Baby? Are you awake yet?"

"Unh." I don't turn to look at her.

"Is that 'Unh' Yes, or 'Unh' No?"

"Muh."

She chuckles.

"I'm taking that as a yes."

"Nuh."

"No?"

"Nuh."

"You won't get up even for kisses?"

I feel her lips on my back and she makes a trail of kisses down to my lower half, I'm still not budgin'. I mean her kisses are sweet and hot an' all, but I'm havin' an affair with this pillow and mattress right now. She's just gonna have to deal.

I feel the sheet pass over my ass and she strokes my cheeks. Then I feel her bend down and the next thing I know instead of her lips, I feel her teeth.

"OW!!!!!!!!"

"Are you up now?"

"You bit my ass!!!!!!" I put my hand down to block any further attacks and scoot over a bit.

"I had to wake you."

"By biting my ass?!?!?!"

"You're up now, aren't you?"

"Yes, but now I've got a chunk missin' out of my ass cheek!!"

"Stop whining, 'lil baby. You'll live."

"With a defective ass?! What am I gonna do about the chunk missin'?!"

"Get some Mighty Putty, I hear it fixes anything." She laughs and gets up off the bed.

She looks back at me with an eyebrow quirked and a mischievous grin on her face.

I quirk my own eyebrow in question.

She undoes the belt to her robe and pulls it a little off the shoulder.

My eyes narrow. I wanna see the rest.

She turns away and heads towards the bathroom, droppin' her robe, she leaves me to stare at her perfect ass. No chunks missin' outta that.

Damn! I'm up!!!

Uhhhh heh, and it's up.

I get outta the bed and stop at the breakfast tray. Oooh fuckin' A, dude! French toast! I pick up a piece, pour some syrup on it cram it into my mouth and head for the bathroom. I can hear the shower bein' turned on.

B's steppin' into the spray with her back to me. She looks back at me all seductress-y.

"Glad you could finally make it."

"Mfuhn."

"You stuffed your face with French Toast, didn't you?"

"Yuhf." I smile and open my mouth slightly.

She shakes her head and has that sexy grin on her face, like she's just dyin' to laugh but doesn't wanna encourage my bad behavior.

"You coming?"

"Yuhf!!" I nod my head eagerly and finish what's in my mouth.

She laughs and scoots up a bit as I get in behind her.

I invade her personal space by drapin' myself on her back. She giggles and leans back into me.

"Mmmm someone's up now."

"More like some_thing_." I chuckle.

"Such a guy." She laughs. "I never thought I'd be able to wake you."

I reach around and help her lather up with the soap puff she's got in her hand.

"Well you should have just done this, instead of chompin' my ass."

"I tried to wake you like five times before the food got here!"

"You didn't have to resort to ass biting, B."

"It was that or a bucket of ice."

That thought makes me shiver. Then I think of somethin' better.

"I know what'll wake me right up." I grind my groin into her ass.

"Oh really?" She has that sexy temptress quality back in her voice.

"Mmmmhmmm" I drop the soap puff thing and palm her breasts.

"Faith, oh mmm, uhhh we-we don't have time, we h-have to get going."

"I know, baby, but we can have a little 'us' time before we go, can't we?"

"Well..."

I pinch her nipples between my fingers.

"Ohhhh, ok, but w-we have to be qu-quick."

"I think that can be arranged." I wiggle my brows at the back of her head.

I go to enter her from behind and she stops me, turns around and hops up on my hips, I help her wrap her legs around my waist.

"I want to see you and I need to kiss you." She says all hot and needy.

"Not gonna argue with you there, B."

We share a kiss and she gasps into my mouth as I reach down and finger her clit.

I suck on her tongue and explore her mouth a bit. When she needs air she pulls back slightly and rests her forehead on mine. She's pantin' a little.

"H-have I told you how much I love your tongue?"

That makes my heart hammer harder in my chest and it relays right to my groin, in a big way.

"It's come up in conversation once or twice."

She chuckles. "Oh yeah? Just once or twice 'in conversation'?"

"Yeah," I gasp out as she lowers herself on me. "Ffffuck yeah."

"I've considered getting it bronzed." She chuckles and I lean up for another kiss. I need it so much right now.

She starts movin' her hips up and down and my mind tunes everything else out except her, it feels like she's all over me, and I guess in a way she is. I wrap my arms tighter around her back and she wraps hers tighter around my neck as we make out in time to what her hips are doin'.

I keep myself steady and just let her do what she needs. But I reach down and put my finger on her clit again, it keeps that sexy hitch she has in her voice gettin' louder until she's squeezin' me really strongly and finally goes rigid. Her pussy ain't rigid though, it's pulsin' and quiverin' and just plain goin' nuts. I give a few more thrusts and join her in the land of bliss. I reach out with one of hands and steady us against the wall. The muscles in my legs are quiverin' and I'm glad I'm a slayer, if not I'd have probably dropped her by now. That would suck.

Ten minutes later and we're done showerin' and fuckin'. Heh. Not in that order, of course.

B's finishin' dryin' her hair and I'm layin' out her under things.

I don't need to do anything special other than put on a little make up. I'll be wearin' what I had on when I came in here. Gotta go back to Aunt Dee's to get ready. We've got about an hour or so to get there.

I'm stirrin' the coffee as she comes out of the bathroom. She sees her stuff's been laid out on the bed. She looks up and smiles at me, blowin' me a little kiss. I smile. I like doin' those little things for her, she gets so happy about 'em. Then she notices the food.

"Awww our breakfast has gone cold." She says with a pout.

"Not that bad, we were only in there for about twenty minutes. It's not stone cold. 'Sides my stomach doesn't really care right now. I could eat the ass out of a bear."

"Gross, Faith!"

"I'm just sayin', I'm STARVED!"

"You ah."

We have a laugh at that. When I get our plates made up and set them on the table I take my seat and start to dig in. Buffy's standin' there lookin' at me.

"Wha?" I say with a piece of French Toast in my mouth.

She doesn't say nothin' but she picks up her plate and stands next to me like she's waitin' for somethin'.

I continue to eat for a few seconds more, I was thinkin' maybe she thought I took more food than I gave her, but I'm not greedy like that, 'sides I know if I don't have enough to eat here, my Aunt's got food at her place. It dawns on me what she's waitin' for, and as soon as I shift my chair a little to the side and sit back, she sits on my lap.

We sit like that, sharin' little kisses and feedin' each other until there's no food left. I shift her a little in my lap so she's not pushin' on my stomach. I always get a little protective of my belly after I eat.

Damn, the thought of her with a big ole pregnant belly makes me shake my head.

"What?" She asks while pourin' more coffee for us.

I shrug.

"What're you thinkin' of Faith?"

"Nothin'." I lie

"Cut it out and just tell me."

I smile at her. "I was just thinkin' of you with a big belly."

She looks down and puts one of her hands on it. "You won't like it?" She looks a bit nervous.

"Are you smokin' crack? What's not to like?! And just think, your tits will be HUGE!"

She scoffs and cracks me on the shoulder.

"Keep making fun and you're not gonna get near _anything_ on my body, until it's all over."

Her face goes from mischievous to serious when she sees the look on mine.

"What's the matter, Faith?"

"Nothin'."

"Don't do that! Please, you're thinking of something important, tell me what it is."

I sigh and she puts her arms around my shoulders. She kisses the side of my head. "Please." She whispers as she kisses me.

"It's stupid."

"Just tell me, Faith."

"Well... don't get mad, but... I don't like when you say stuff like that."

"Like what?"

"Like me not being able to touch you until it's all over. You know how our fucked up callin' does shit like that to us. I don't like you temptin' fate."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, just promise not to say stuff like that, or... _try_ not to." I don't wanna be a downer, we were just havin' a good time. But I'm right about things she says havin' a tendency to come true.

"I promise."

"Thanks."

She picks up her cup of coffee and takes a sip. It looks like she's wants to say somethin'.

"What's up, B?"

"Nothin'." She jokes and I poke her side. That makes her laugh. "It's just that I'm glad you ate something before we left. I heard what happened yesterday."

"Oh yeah. Man, that was freaky, didn't even know it was gonna happen. Good thing Giles did."

She puts down her coffee and hugs me.

I'm such a baby, I can't believe I'm thinkin' of havin' a kid. Well, not just thinkin' of it, actively tryin' to get B knocked up.

Active like fuckin' Kilauea. Heh.

She puts her head on mine and looks at the table. "Hopefully, I'll be eating for two soon." Her voice cracks at the end and I know that was her that sobbed before I drifted off last night.

"Hey, what's the matter, baby?"

That makes her cry a little harder, but she's not hysterical or nothin'.

"Nothing's the matter, everything is perfect. I just can't believe we're gonna be mothers." She looks at me with happy tears. "And that you thought to do this, for us. Now. I didn't want to wait, but didn't know how to tell you. I mean I know I said that thing when we were in the tent, but I really wanted to insist."

"Yeah, you probably thought I'd never want to, huh?"

"N-no, not never." She smoothes her hands over my hair. "Just not for a while, and not at this particular time."

"Way I figure it, if we wait for the perfect time, it's never gonna happen. There'll always be somethin' that comes up to stop us, ya know?"

"I agree."

I reach up and wipe her tears away, really can't stand to see her cry. Even though I know they're happy tears, it guts me.

"I figured people all over the world in risky situations, especially other slayers, are havin' kids, why not us?"

"Was there something in that letter that made you finally decide?"

"Sorta." I sit back a little and look into her eyes. "I thought about Gee Gee bein' a great woman. And she always taught me that whatever life brings you, just keep livin', keep makin' a place in this world for yourself. For a long time I used to think my place in this world was tryin' to make it bleed, make it pay for all the shit I've been through."

Buffy's gets a frown on her face, but it's not a judgmental one. Least I hope it's not, but we've been over this a lot, and she knows how I feel, it's just that I've never really been this comfortable with sharing so much, so freely, without her feelin' like she was pullin' teeth. I know the frown means she cares about what I went through, even though most of makin' the world bleed, had to do with tryin' to kill her friends.

"Faith..."

Her voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Stop those thoughts."

I chuckle, "How do you know what I'm thinkin' is bad, B?"

"'Cause you get that crease in between your eyebrows," She smoothes the skin there to make her point. "And your jaw goes slack." She shuts my mouth by puttin' her hand under my chin.

"Ya know," I shrug. "It's the same old same old. Don't know why I'm thinkin' of havin' a kid, when I'm still so fucked up."

Buffy watches my face for a moment before she asks, "How long has it been since you saw that therapist?"

"Since before my coma. Damn, I haven't even called her. I bet she emailed me like a hundred times."

"I'm sure Giles told her that you were in the coma, and then went to France."

I sigh.

She leans in and kisses my forehead. "What's the matter, baby?"

"Sometimes I wish..." I stop before I say somethin' really stupid.

"What?"

What _do_ I wish for? A normal fuckin' life? That's not gonna happen, this is normal for us.

"That...that I was..."

"Faith, if you say 'better for me' or 'what I needed' I really _am_ gonna bite your ass!!"

That gets me laughin'. "Maybe you could bite the other cheek, ya know, to even it out a little."

That's exactly what I was gonna say though. I never feel like I'm enough for her, like she's settlin' by bein' with me.

I think I'll call Pam later, maybe in between the afternoon and night viewin's. See if I can get an appointment soon, or just talk to her a little about what's goin' on. I dunno, we'll see.

We hold each other a little while longer and she whispers lovin' words to me, words that make my heart full and my confidence soar. Words I need to let soak into my soul and memorize so I can think of them when the shit hits the fan.

Our moment is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Buffy gets up and pulls her belt a little tighter around her waist. I stop her before she gets to the door.

"Let me get it, B. You go get dressed." She nods and goes to the closet to get out her dress.

I open the door to an annoyed lookin' Andrew.

"Hey, dude. What's up?"

He pushes his way passed me and I get a whiff of Dawn's shampoo.

Ah, shit, she's still gotta be Andy this afternoon, she's hella pissed at that.

"What's up, way too early, I might add, is me."

Buffy pops her head out of the bathroom.

"Dawn?"

"Yeah, are you almost done?"

"What's your hurry?"

"No hurry, I'm just annoyed. I came over because I figured since I didn't hear any strange knocks or loud screams that you guys were done. You know whatting." She adds bitterly.

I laugh, Dawn's always annoyed about us gettin' some when she can't.

"You could hear us?" Buffy looks embarrassed.

"You weren't exactly quiet." She looks at the wall above the bed and points to the hole. "Oh, that's why I thought something exploded behind my head last night."

Oh shit, I punched that hole in the headboard last night while we were doin' it. Damn, we're gonna have to pay for that. Me an B exchange a slightly horrified look.

There's another knock on the door. I start to go to it and Dawn stops me.

"I'll get it. You just get your shoes on, we've got to be at your Aunt's in twenty minutes." She glances at her sister. "You're not wearing my necklace are you?"

Buffy puts her hand on it and looks confused. "Yeah, why?"

Dawn huffs. It's fuckin' funny to see Dawn's personality in Andy's body, although it's kinda not far off from how he acts when he's annoyed, he's just more whiny.

"The one mom gave me?"

"Yes, it's yours, I'm you, remember?"

"Only for this afternoon, thank god. Go finish getting ready." B ducks back into the bathroom.

Damn, D's a little general if I ever saw one. Come to think of it, so's Buffy. Get a thousand Summers' women to form an army and whole nations would shit their pants.

That makes me think of B's family. I wonder if they've ever been in touch with their Aunt. I remember Mrs. S sayin' she had a sister in Chicago or somewhere near there. Gotta remember to bring it up later.

Dawn opens the door and ushers Will inside. Willow comes over and hugs me.

She wiggles her eyebrows at me and has the hugest grin I've seen in like a year on her face.

"So, how did it go last night?"

Dawn scoffs, "Sounded like an earthquake and about 6 aftershocks of equal magnitude hit next to my room."

Willow looks at me in sympathy. "I told Buff to put me in the middle, but she didn't think there would be a problem." Will shrugs then looks at me again with excitement.

She lowers her voice and whispers into my ear. "So, how did it go?"

I whisper back, "Fuckin' awesome, you're a genius."

"Well, we'll see when... ya know, it 'happens'." She means Buffy gettin' knocked up.

"I know, I can't wait! We're really gettin' excited. Thanks Will. We owe you."

"You don't owe me anything, stop saying that."

"Well, we'll have to get a special present for 'Auntie Willow'." I wink at her and her eyes go wide.

"She's...already..." Will looks a little woozy.

"No! No, not yet."

"What not yet?" Dawn comes over to us.

"Nothin', D." She gives me Andy's 'You're a liar' look and I have to give her somethin' or she'll bug the shit out of me all fuckin' day. "Somethin' me and Buffy are cookin' up, it's a surprise, so stop buggin'. Ok?"

"Ok, for _now_."

"For now what?" B comes out of the bathroom fixin' her dress, makin' it lay right. Damn, she looks fuckin' stunnin', I don't think I'll ever get tired of droolin' over her.

"Nothin', B. Just somethin' me and D are cookin' up as a surprise." I wink at Dawn and she narrows her eyes at me.

"I'll get it out of you later, Faith. Don't you worry." Dawn says.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Threats don't do nothin' to me."

"They will when I say I'll hang off you all day, whining... in _this_ voice." She demonstrates. "Faith, what are you doing? Faith? Where are you going? Faith, Faith, Faith."

That makes me shudder. I hold my hand up to stop her.

"D, you're evil. Me and B will tell you when we can. Ok?"

She looks like she's about to blow her lid, then she calms herself.

"You know," She shakes her finger at me. "I'm Giles' second in command for watcher duties now. As slayers you should tell me everything."

"Yeah, well, it's up to your sister."

Buffy's head snaps up to look me in the face. I just threw her under the bus. But really, it's her sister, she has to make the decision. I shrug at her and she gets it.

"Well, Dawn... Faith and I...we-we're kinda... trying to have a baby."

Dawn squeals after a split second of thinkin' about what her sister just said, then she hugs us both.

"I didn't think you'd start so soon, but that's wonderful! Wow, I'm gonna be an Aunt!!" She hugs me again and squeezes hard.

I pull back a bit and rub her cheek. Lookin' into her eyes, I can see Dawn behind them and I smirk. "Or Uncle, dependin' on how this whole thing goes."

"Oh god, no!! I can't stand Andrew's body, I still feel all awkward, I mean do you have ANY idea what it's like to have a penis?"

I chuckle and the other two kinda laugh and look away guilty. Dawn looks at them and then suspiciously at me.

"What did you do?"

I shrug, but I've got a grin on my face.

She's still lookin' at me with suspicious eyes, then I can see the lightbulb go off. "You did the spell, didn't you?!" She looks towards Will. "Didn't you?" Will shrugs.

"Didn't you?!" She looks back at me.

"Yeah, Pip, we did the spell."

"OH MY GOD!!!" She jumps on me and I wasn't ready for it, I go down and she's still squealin' on top of me. "You've got one! You've got one!" She's a fuckin' nut, this one. "You understand!"

Leave it to Dawn to find something like this to bond over. She was always thinkin' she didn't belong, just like Will. But D had a bit more of a legitimate beef, she wasn't real.

All of a sudden Dawn goes stiff. "Uhhh, I think I can feel it on my leg." She jumps up in a split second and smoothes out her suit.

Buffy reaches out to me and I take her hand, she helps pull me up from the floor.

"Does anyone else know?"

"Shit, D, with your squealin'? I think the whole hotel knows."

She swats my arm, "Get out!" Then she gets serious, "When will you know, ya know... if...?"

I look at Red for help on this one, 'cause I don't really know. "The usual amount of time, I guess. What's that, about a month?"

"I guess, don't really know, never been pregnant." I shrug and catch B's look, she's upset.

Dawn doesn't notice Buffy's look and she keeps talkin', "Yeah, I think it's about a month. I remember when my friend from Berkeley was trying to trace her actions back to when she could have gotten pregnant. She figured it was about four weeks from the last guy she slept with."

B's not listenin' to Dawn, she's got her head down lookin' at her hands. She's still feelin' guilty about my condition. No matter how many times I tell her I'm fine and not to worry about it, she still feels all bummed out about it. I go over and take one of her hands in mine. She looks up at me.

"Cut it out, ok?"

"What?"

"You know, what, B."

She shrugs.

Willow gets the change of mood, "Ok, guys, you better get going, Xander's gonna meet you in the lobby. Buff, are you gonna do the glamour yourself?"

"Yeah, Will. Dawn, tell Xander and Andrew we'll be right down." She's lookin' in my eyes, and I squeeze her hands.

Will says she'll see me later tonight and I look at her and nod my thanks. She's lookin' a bit worried so I smirk and wink at her to let her know it'll be ok. Dawn gives Buffy a kiss on the cheek and squeals her approval again. They both leave.

Once they're gone, I pull B's chin up, she had looked down again.

"Buffy, we've gone over this a hundred times. Don't you believe me when I say it doesn't matter? What matters to me is this, right here, right now." I pull her closer to me and place my arms around her.

She looks in my eyes, kinda like she's lookin' to see if I'm tellin' the truth or like she needs to know if I think she's a good person or somethin'.

"Then you understand exactly how I feel, Faith."

I understand a lot more now. We're each tryin' to get the other to feel better about the things we've done in the past. Or not done. Or coulda done better.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

"I'm gettin' it, B. I'm gettin' it." I pull her in for a lovin' kiss and it becomes hot in about a half a minute.

Damn, I gotta get different underwear if I'm gonna have this thing for a few weeks. It's a bit constrictin' with the pair I've got on.

We break for air and she pulls up my hands and kisses them. Fuck, the desperate way she's doin' that makes me wanna bawl, my heart feels squeezed.

"I love you so much, Faith. So, so much. I hope all this _shit_ is over with soon. I need to be back home with you, planning our future."

"I know, B. I promise, I'll work extra hard to find out what's goin' on with Ken, and who's behind it all."

"I know you will. Oh, god," She looks at me like somethin' just dawned on her, for a second I think she felt a baby. "You're not gonna let me on the mission anymore!"

That thought crossed my mind, but then the thought of Buffy screamin' at me for about an hour straight, stopped me from thinkin' like that.

"Can't say I love the idea of you bein' out there, possibly pregnant, doin' risky stuff. But I'm not gonna stop you, B. You're your own woman, all I can do is try to protect ya, and ask that you try not to put yourself in really sticky sitches."

She leans up and whispers a very grateful thank you in my ear. Then she pulls back and recites some latin and just like that I'm starin' at Dawn.

I've lost the semi I was sportin'. Good to know I'm not a complete horn dog and not just any woman will make me stand up and take notice. I kinda knew that already, but when I thought of the possibility of havin' a penis, I thought it would make me completely mindless to anything but havin' sex. With anyone. That's a relief. Don't need B tryin' to chop it off.

She breaks from our embrace and goes and picks up her jacket and purse. After checkin' herself out in the mirror she smiles at me. I wink and go over to her, offerin' my arm, she links hers through it and we walk out of the room together.

I'm gonna miss this room. Old 315.

We've done some good work here.

*****

The afternoon viewin' went ok, more of the same, seein' people I haven't seen in forever. Many of 'em thinkin' I was dead or in jail still.

B's been keepin' close to me, without bein' too suspicious. She's bein' there for me and I can't help but be grateful.

When we get back to Aunt Dee's house she pulls me over to the side.

"What's goin' on?"

Fuck, my heart's hammerin'.

"With what?"

"I know Dawnie's bein' supportive, but..." She lowers her voice and leans in a little. "A couple a times I saw her givin' you the googly eyes," I chuckle. "Don't laugh. No one else saw it, but I can tell those are looks of love. What are you two up to?"

"Nothin' Aunt Dee, really. She was probably just jokin' around."

"Yeah?" She looks like she's buyin' it, then her eyes narrow at me. "You're not sleepin' with your ex's sister are ya?"

"No! God, no, Aunt Dee, I'd never do anything like that."

"Good. That only leads to bad, bad things."

"Well don't worry, I'm not that much of a shit head."

She looks relieved, then serious, "Speakin' of shit heads and bad things. I got word your... _father _will be at the wake tonight."

Fuck, I was wonderin' when he'd show up. I knew it couldn't be avoided, I shoulda guessed it'd be tonight, it's the last night of the viewin', tomorrow's the burial. I wonder if I can call him and make him not wanna come. But shit, I can't do that, Gee Gee didn't ban him from the funeral, so I guess she wanted him there. Or at least didn't care if he came.

Fuck!

"Faith, you've got that crease..." Aunt Dee says.

I look up and catch B lookin' she wants to come over but doesn't want to draw more suspicion. I look back at Aunt Dee.

"I know, I'm thinkin' of how I can make that asshole not come."

"I wish, he's comin' with a bunch of those constituents of his."

"Constituents?"

"That's what I call his buddies, they're tryin' to get him into the government."

"No shit?"

"I didn't tell ya?"

"No, you didn't." I remember Brian, and Gee Gee bein' sick and her not sayin' nothin'. "And I've been meanin' to talk to you about that."

"About what?"

"You not sayin' nothin' to me about Gee Gee, or even Brian. What's up with that, Dee?"

"Faith, I didn't even know how sick Ma was, I thought she was in remission, she never said a word about the cancer comin' back." She gets visibly upset.

"What?! How could she do that?!"

"She was very secretive with things like that. Never wantin' to bother nobody. She told me when she came back from your place with Mr. Giles."

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know you didn't know." I hug her. "Sorry, Dee."

"The thing with Brian, I mean, how...what could I have said? We were all devastated, and I didn't want our first visit to be all sad. I didn't know..." She stops and looks at me guiltily.

I get it. She didn't know if I'd ever be back.

Fuck, I suck so hard. My past has been bitin' me on the ass in ways I never thought it would. It's time to start really makin' amends, and dealin' with the shitheads in my family.

"It's ok, Aunt Dee. I understand, I get it."

"Do ya?"

"Yeah, you didn't wanna tell me because you didn't know if it would be the last time you'd see me."

She gets a sad look on her face and then looks away. After a few minutes she starts talkin' softly, while lookin' at Leah and Kara bouncin' and laughin' with Joey.

"You remind me of Katie, a lot. Especially right before you went out to California. You had that hard look to your eyes." She looks up and searches for somethin' in my eyes. "I was worried you would fly off the handle if we pushed too much on you at once." She looks down at her hands. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't worry about it, Dee."

She looks at me again, "You know who you remind me of now?"

"Who? You?"

"No, your Gee Gee."

I'm stunned. Not me, dude. I'll never be like her.

"Yeah, you." She chuckles. "Your face is an open book sometimes."

"Tell me about it." I smile back.

She gets a serious look on her face. "Look here, Faith. Don't ever think that I'm upset about you bein' in charge or nothin'. Ma's had that plan from long ago. It'll keep it fair, and frankly the boys don't wanna have to make the decisions. Just keep us informed," She takes my hand and pats it. "You'll do the right thing, I have faith." She smirks.

"Yeah, right. You'd better expect panicked calls at 3 am because Ted's not happy about somethin'."

"Don't worry, I'll handle my brothers." She hugs me. "You just find a way to get that woman of yours back."

I chuckle, "I'll try."

"I know you'll succeed, you have to, I can't stand to think of her with that other girl. I don't see how you can."

"I can't."

*****

We're at the funeral parlor again. I'm gettin' anxious because someone said my father was on his way.

I'm kinda bummed that I didn't get to talk to Pam, I had to leave a message for her, she wasn't in. I hope I can get an appointment soon.

Will's here, as herself. Dawn looks relieved. Buffy's back to bein' herself and she's over with Kennedy. That still makes me a little nuts.

All of a sudden there's a hush over the crowd, I see some movement by the door.

Here's the moment I've been waitin' for, to come face to face with that bastard that calls himself my father.

Damn, I might have gotten my looks from my mom, but I see where I get the dimples from. I don't remember him lookin' like that. I guess I never really tried to look at his face before.

He's got a woman with him, she's really pretty, must be the new girlfriend Aunt Dee mentioned. He spots me and makes his way over, I see Rona and Buffy stiffen. I'm startin' to wonder what the fuck's goin' on with them when I feel it.

Vamp.


	29. Goodbye, My Darling

Chapter 29- Goodbye My Darling

Song credit: Julia by the Beatles

My father's walkin' towards me and someone intercepts him, they point discreetly with their head in the direction of the casket as they whisper somethin' to him. His woman stands there and is tryin' to look at everything but the casket. She must be squeamish about seein' dead bodies.

Wouldn't that be a kick in the nuts if that mother fucker that thinks he should be called 'Dad' is a vamp?! That's what I call irony. Not anything that Alanis Morissette chick would consider to be ironic, that's for fuckin' true.

My heart's racin' triple time and the other slayers that can feel a vamp are lookin' around and lookin' at me to see what we should do.

I put my hand at the back of my neck like I'm tryin' to rub some of the tension out, I look at Buffy and she knows that I'm tellin' them to stand down. It's our signal. Rona nods at me as well.

Francie comes over to me, she's hella spooked. It looks like she saw a fuckin' ghost. I guess she's still not used to feelin' vamps, and she's probably freaked that one's at her grandma's wake and we're probably not gonna be able to do anything about it, at least not here.

She whispers in a shaky voice. "Faith, th-that's..."

"Faith's _father_." Aunt Dee says with disdain as she comes up behind us. "I see he brought his new girlfriend. She must be 20. He's such a dog."

I shrug. I guess she does look pretty young. She's really good lookin' I'll give her that. All exotic lookin' and tan, probably from Brazil or somethin'.

"Don't worry, Faith. We'll be here for ya." Uncle Jim comes up behind Aunt Dee. "That jerk ain't gonna mess with no one."

"Thanks, really. I appreciate the support." They both put their hands on my shoulders. It makes me smile.

"Oh, look. He's prayin' for Ma. How nice." She's barely containin' her anger and I can tell she wants to swear, but she's bein' good for Gee Gee.

He's on the kneeler with his head down, prayin' for Jesus to grant Gee Gee entrance into heaven. That's really nice of him. Too bad I'm gonna send that fucker to hell as soon as he's outside. But I'm a bitch like that.

I so fuckin' wanna just break a leg off one of the chairs and stake him in his back. Too many people here though and I respect Gee Gee too much to cause a scene at her wake.

Will comes over, she senses somethin's up.

"Everything ok, Faith?"

"Just can't wait to see my dad, Will. Nothin' else really."

"I thought I felt a chill." She senses there's somethin' in the room that ain't right.

"Yeah, I did, too. I think there might be a draft, but we don't know where it's comin' from." I look in her eyes when I say that and hers show understandin', she knows.

"I should have brought a shawl."

"It'll get warmer, probably once we're outside." I chuckle.

"They always keep these places real cold." Uncle Jim says, and I can see Aunt Dee shiver and nod.

I watch as my dad gets up from his kneelin' position and stands over the casket, lookin' down. He makes a show of wipin' his eyes and I can hear my aunt choke back a bitter laugh.

"The nerve of that mother..."

"Dee," Uncle Jim cuts her off. "Let's go over and stand at the receivin' line. Give Faith some space. We'll deal with him first."

"Good idea." Aunt Dee says.

That's good, gives me a few more minutes to think of what I'm gonna do. I already know what I'm gonna say to him.

When they leave to go stand by my other uncles I see Giles step up next to me. "I saw you use your stand down signal. Surely there's not a vampire here."

"Yeah, G. I think my father's a mother f---uhhh a vamp."

"You don't say." He says shocked.

I nod.

"Faith, that woman..." Francie starts up again then stops.

I watch as my dad's girlfriend crosses herself and then kneels down. She looks at Gee Gee for a few moments and then bows her head in prayer.

"What about her Fran? You think _she's_ a vamp, too?"

"With that amount of pigment?" Giles asks.

Yeah, she's got a real nice tan goin' on.

Francie whispers, "No, Faith...I-I've seen her before..."

"Where? Around here?"

"No...in pictures."

"What pictures?"

"Gee Gee's pictures."

"Holy sh...Fran, are you sayin' she's related to us?"

"No, I've seen her in that picture Gee Gee has on the wall of her room."

What fuckin' picture? The only pictures she had were of her and Pops and her village and one of her and her friend.

Francie continues, "She's...she's got her arm around her, they...they were friends." I can hear a hitch in Francie's voice like she's gonna cry, she knows this is big. Who the fuck? Oh, no way!!

No fuckin' way!!!!!

I'm starin' at the woman's actions as she crosses herself and gets up from her kneelin' position. I see her quickly place somethin' in the casket.

She says a few more quick words and steps back, lookin' at Gee Gee once more. She looks like she's decided somethin' and then makes her way over to my dad who's talkin' to my aunt and uncles. She looks over at me.

Alicia.

She looks away quickly and gives her condolences to my family.

"Alicia's a vamp." I say as I narrow my eyes and cock my head to the side. I feel tears threatenin' to spring to my eyes.

"Oh dear, God." Giles says as he takes his glasses off his face and his handkerchief out of his pocket.

"Oh no," Will says stunned.

"Faith..." Francie's gonna cry any second now.

"I know, Francie, I know." My voice waivers.

I wanna sit down and bawl like a mother fuckin' baby for the fucked up life of a slayer who was turned into a vamp, and for my grandmother, I'm glad she's not alive to see this.

To see me have to stake her best friend and kill a human. 'Cause if my dad is behind this shit with Kennedy, he's fuckin' goin' down.

Buffy can see the looks on our faces and wants to come over so bad. Will goes over to her like she's gonna tell her off and asks her to see her in the next room. Rona's sittin' there confused, but stays put. She feels the vamp gettin' closer as Alicia gets introduced to my family. I give her the stand down signal again. She nods slightly and looks away.

What the fuck kinda fucked up world do we live in?

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I look around at the various people here, most are givin' me sympathetic looks. They know it can't be good, me meetin' my father like this, here.

But fuck it, I gotta step the fuck up into the role of the leader of this family, just like my Gee Gee wanted. I push my feelin's down and decide to stay cool. We can't let them know we're on to 'em.

I whisper to my cousin, "Francie, don't do anything unless they strike first, got it?"

"Yes." She gets the same set to her stance that I have and her hands settle into a reserved yet ready for anything position.

She's a good girl. Gonna make a fuckin' awesome slayer someday.

My 'dad' starts walkin' towards me, he notices Ken/Rona and gives a head nod. That doesn't look good for him.

I can feel someone come up behind me and I know it's Buffy. She's breathin' heavy but she's not sayin' nothin'.

She reaches out without drawin' anyone's attention and she touches the small of my back, lettin' me know she's there for me.

"Faith, so sorry about Giulia." My dad extends his hand. I guess there's a moment of tension in the room at what I'll do, but I immediately stop it by takin' his hand in mine and shakin' it politely.

"Thanks for comin'."

"She was a good woman, always nice to me." He hasn't let go of my hand as he's smilin' at me. At least I know he's not a vamp, his hand is warm. But he's still a huge douche.

"Who's your friend?" I say lookin' at Alicia. She's kinda lookin' away, but not.

"This lovely woman is my girlfriend, Nina." He lets go of my hand and brings her around him so she can shake my hand. "Nina, this is the daughter I was telling you about, Faith."

Heh. Daughter. The one he never wanted.

I don't let it bother me none, I know he's tryin' to get to me.

I take her hand, it's not as cold as I would have thought, but it's probably like ice compared to mine. "Nice to meet you, _Nina_."

"I've heard a great many things about you, Faith. It's a pleasure to meet you finally."

"Thanks." I give a polite smile and let go of her hand. "I'm sorry that I haven't had the chance to hear much about you."

"I'm sure we'll get to spend some time together, now that you're father and I are going out." She smiles, damn she's pretty. Too bad I gotta waste her.

"That'd be nice." I feel another gentle rub on the small of my back, B's still lettin' me know she's there just in case I need her. I so wish I could introduce her as my wife.

My father notices her behind me and asks who she is. B plays it cool and pretends she's not listenin' to the conversation, she's turned and talkin' to Dawn who's behind us. She, Xander, Will and Andrew are all standin' behind me makin' sure shit's not about to happen, but if it does they're prepared.

I tell him she's a friend.

Giles introduces himself as a co-worker. My dad gives him a little glare. Yeah, he fuckin' knows Giles has been more of a Dad to me than he could ever hope to be.

After we get finished with the intros my dad looks kinda uncomfortable, Alicia's lookin' like she fits right in. I've gotta keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't go all fangy on people.

I assign someone to watch her as I go around doin' my thing. Talkin' with family and people that came to pay their respects to Gee Gee.

After a little while more the priest from Gee Gee's church, Father Albert, comes up and does a couple short readin's from the bible and then he talks about Gee Gee's life.

He then tells a story that has us all cryin'. It was about a time when he thought he had lost his way, and was thinkin' of leavin' the church. He had given Gee Gee confession, and she sensed by his voice that he was depressed. And right there in the confessional she got him to tell her his problems and helped him out as best she could. Later that week, she showed up to the Abbey where he lived with a tray of stuffed shells, and they talked more over dinner. He said that was the single defining moment of his priesthood, when God saw to it to bring Gee Gee to him, and with stuffed shells no less.

Heh. We all laugh at that, but that's exactly how Gee Gee was. She'd try to help them no matter what, and if she couldn't help 'em, she'd put 'em in touch with someone who could. She one time tried to help a robber who was stealin' her purse. Until the fucker hit her over the head with a brick, she was in the hospital for a week. I was 12 at the time, and had my first thoughts of murder when I heard he had done that to my grandmother. We didn't know she had tried to get him to stop what he was doin' and help him out of a life of crime. The person who called the ambulance told my Aunt Dee all that.

They caught the fucker about a week later, he was a drug addict. The fuckin' really nice twist, is that my mother was the one to tip him off that Gee Gee was goin' to the bank to make a deposit. She didn't wanna have her hands dirty or look suspicious, so she got him to do it. She was probably bangin' him. We found all that out a couple of years later, and that was the second time I had murderous thoughts. Like actually plannin' out how I was gonna kill and dispose of the body.

Even after all the shit my ma had done to me up until then, I was still beggin' for her love and attention, but after that she and I were through. I didn't care if she was murdered in her bed, and if I were less of a wuss and more crazy back then I would have done it myself.

Father Albert is done tellin' a story of when he was a boy and he asked his mother about the presence of God, and she said that He is with us always, that even when we're doing wrong, that God is there with us, guiding us, trying to steer us in the right direction, sometimes failing, but never giving up hope that one day we'll see the error of our ways and turn our lives around. Gee Gee was my God, and I know I'm gonna get struck down or whatever for sayin' that, but I'll take my chances.

I feel another gentle touch at the small of my back and I wanna cry, I just wanna turn around and wrap B up in the biggest hug and bawl my eyes out into her shoulder. I love her so much, and the fact that she's lettin' me know how much she cares for me, fills me with so much love that I can hardly contain my emotions. The tears are streamin' down my face, I turn to my Aunt and cousins, and Aunt Dee lets out a sob when she sees my face. We all share a hug in front of the priest, who's in front of Gee Gee's casket.

He finishes and my Uncle Ted goes up and thanks him, he comes over and gives his condolences to us and pinches my cheek. He remembers me from when I was a kid and Gee Gee used to bring me to church. He also remembers the time when I almost burned down the church with Brian and that pyro Bobby Cochrane. He played it down for the police and my ma so I didn't get beat, and I'll always remember that kindness. I hug him, and thank him for takin' the time to come say those beautiful things about Gee Gee. He says he'll be back here first thing tomorrow, to say the prayers before we close the casket and he'll be performin' the service at the church. I thank him again and he goes to talk to some of the other people that are here.

I sneak a look around and Will's monitorin' the movements of Alicia, who catches my gaze and beckons me over with a nod to her head. My father's somewhere in a corner holdin' court.

"What's up, _Nina_?" I can't help but fuck with her, she's a vamp. All kinds of alarm bells are goin' off within my body, tellin' me to 'stake it'.

"You look like you could use a cigarette."

Fuck, yeah I could. Buffy's within earshot and I can tell she heard Alicia say that to me.

"I quit," B's shoulders relax.

"Well how about you humor me and come out while I smoke one?"

I shrug. "Sure, if you need hand holdin'." I'm bein' a bitch but I would have had her followed anyway when she went out, might as well find out some shit I've been wantin' to know.

I follow her out and she goes to let me out the door first, but I don't go, I'm not turnin' my back on the vamp girlfriend of my Dad, even if she was Gee Gee's slayer.

"After you." She indicates with her hand.

"Nope, you go first, or if you'd like you can go out this door and I'll go out the front and meet you around the side. But ain't no way I'm goin' out first."

"Very well then," She slips out the door and I follow a few seconds behind. I'm makin' sure I keep my back to a wall, no need to be ambushed from behind.

She takes out a cigarette and offers me one. I stare at the pack for a few seconds. It's the fuckin' kind I would kill for. Djarum Black. They're cloves but in all black paper, even the filter is black. And they're fuckin' awesome. My mouth is waterin' I want one that bad.

I decide to have one. Fuck it! I need this, just one, I reason.

I take one from her and look over to the window of the funeral home, I can see Dawnie and Andrew lookin' out, but they can't see me, only Alicia. Good, they're keepin' an eye on what's up out here, and can't report back to B that I'm smokin'.

Heh. I know I suck.

"So, _Nina_. How did you meet my father?"

She looks at me like she's tryin' to work out the thoughts in my head. Probably knows a spell to see what I'm thinkin' but the Shaman's block is impenetrable, we found that out for real in D.C.

"You know who I am, don't you, Faith?" I notice she's got a slight Italian accent, just like Gee Gee had, kinda undetectable, but still there, although Alicia's is a bit thicker.

"Yeah, I do, and this is the first time through this whole thing that I'm actually glad my grandmother is not here to see somethin'."

She looks down at the lighter she was about to light her cigarette with. She kind of bites her lip and then recovers, she holds out the lighter for me to light my cigarette and lights her own when I'm done.

"You think you're the only one to have that thought?"

She sounds hurt.

"What's your deal, Alicia?"

"You know about your father?" She whispers.

"What about him?"

She comes up close to me. I stiffen and put my hand in my pocket. I've got a modified version of a Peskett close combat weapon. It has a weighted end, and a retractable pick like blade, that I had fitted with a mahogany tip. It's also got a garrotte if I need to twist the head off of a vamp. It's helped me through lots of situations. I wouldn't mind usin' it now.

"You know he's got something to do with this Kennedy business."

"The fuck you know about that?"

"Enough, and probably more than you, now listen..."

"Why should I trust a vamp?"

She takes a step back, again she looks like I slapped her, and she's kinda guilt ridden.

She turns her back on me and walks over to a low wall that's a bit to the left of the courtyard we're in. She's lookin' out at the parkin' lot it over looks.

"Your grandmother was an exceptional woman, no?"

"The fuckin' best, pardon my French."

Alicia chuckles. "If that's your French, I'd hate to hear your Italian."

I don't feel like bein' lighthearted but I wanna laugh. I can tell she's funny.

"What did you bring me out here for?"

"To warn you."

"What about?"

"Your father..."

"What about him?"

"He's small potatoes, as you American's say. Eh?"

"Whatta ya mean?" I'm not givin' an inch. Let her give up all the information. I don't need to earn her trust.

"He's involved in the Kennedy thing, but he's not in charge."

"Who is?"

She turns around and I close my hand tighter around my weapon.

"It seems you have made some enemies in the government."

"Tell me somethin' I don't know. Look, I appreciate the cat and mouse routine here, 'cause it's fun. But really, I got my grandmother laid out in there. I need to get back to my family." I want to know more about Ken, but I don't think she's gonna give it up right now, and I don't wanna waste my time out here.

She looked visibly shaken when I said that about Gee Gee.

"Your grandmother and I were very close." She says quietly, while she's lookin' at her shoes. I take a long drag off my cigarette and flick it half smoked on the ground. I draw the smoke deep into my lungs, hold it for a moment or two and then expel it far into the air above me.

"Oh yeah? You don't say." I'm bein' a bitch cause she went and got herself turned, but also cause she left their village without a word to my grandmother.

"Yes, we were best friends since very early childhood. Our mothers were friends, and we were together all the time."

I don't say anything smart, I really wanna hear this.

"When I became a slayer I didn't want anyone to know, I wasn't going to use my powers. I didn't want to be called. But there were bad men in our village, who were trying to manipulate the people to do what they wanted, and they weren't the mafia either. They were a group of vampires loyal to the old one, from Greece."

"Kakistos." A chill runs up my spine.

"Yes, you were the one to finally rid the world of him." She smiles all proud at me.

I nod, I'm still not givin' her much, I wanna know her deal.

She continues, "So, I started sneaking out at night and going to slay. When I would come back before sunrise sometimes Giulia would already be up, she'd see me all beat up but wouldn't say a word, she just made me something to eat, cleaned me up and sent me home to sleep." She stops and gets a smile on her face, "Sometimes I was so tired I couldn't even move after I ate, she'd let me sleep in her bed."

"Wouldn't my great grandparents have said somethin' about you bein' all beat up?"

"At that time your great grandfather was off in the army, and your great grandmother would be up and out early, she had a job at the local hospital. She was what you'd call a nurses' assistant. She'd have to drive there in a cart pulled by a horse." She chuckles, "Life was much simpler in those days."

She takes out another cigarette and offers me one, I shake my head. Don't need Buffy completely nuttin' out on me later.

"One day when I came home I couldn't hide who I was any longer; I had been cut very badly. Your grandmother nursed me back to health and I confessed to her what I was. I say confessed, but she demanded I tell her."

"When were you turned?" I don't say this like a smart ass, I feel bad about it.

She looks visibly upset and looks away.

"I had already come to America, I was 23, it was about seven years after I left Sicily. I was out in L.A. and was kind of wild. My heart was broken and I was drunk, I passed out."

"And when you woke up you were turned?"

"Apparently."

"Jesus Christ! That must have been _some _bender!"

"I wanted to die." She chuckles bitterly. "I guess I got my wish."

I want to sit down but it would mess up my pants, I need to hear the rest of this though.

"What made you want to die?"

She sort of smirks but it's a pained one, I see the tears well up in her eyes. She lets out a half laugh/half sob.

For a vamp she's awfully remorseful.

'Oh dear lord', as Giles would say. I know why now.

"You're souled."

"Yes." She nods and that makes the tears spill out onto her cheeks.

"How, and when?"

"I'd heard of this vampire who had become souled, back before the turn of the century. As soon as I heard of it, I traveled to Romania and sought out one of the surviving members of the Kalderash tribe. They gave me the spell they used. I had a friend perform it."

"So what now? You experience a moment of true happiness and your soul goes bye-bye?"

She shakes her head. "My friend is very powerful, he modified the spell."

"Why would a vamp want to do all that?"

"I don't know why, but I never got the hopeless bloodlust that is supposed to befall vampires, it might have something to do with the fact that I once was a slayer."

We're interrupted by the back door opening.

"Faith, is everything alright?" Giles sounds a bit worried. He's such a granny, but he's sweet and I love it. 'Sides the others, especially Buffy, probably pushed him into checkin'.

"Everything's fine G-man. Me and Nina are getting acquainted. I'll be back in there soon."

"Very well, I'll leave you to it." He shuts the door.

"_You'll_ be back in there soon? Are you still thinking of staking me?"

"I'm keepin' my options open. I mean I know you were Gee Gee's friend and all, but I don't know you, and I don't really trust vamps."

"No? Not even Angel?"

"He's different, and no, I _didn't_ trust him right away. Almost staked him a few times."

She nods her understandin'.

"So why'd you want to off yourself?"

She draws in a shaky breath and then lets it out.

"What would you have done if the person you loved married someone else? And you were the one who set them up?"

"Depends on who the person was, I've only ever wanted to kill myself over one girl."

She looks at me and I know she knows. Everything.

"And now you know why I wanted to die."

"Who was it?" I think I know the answer to this, but I wanna hear it from her.

"Giulia."

"I'll have that cigarette now."

She hands over the pack.

I light one up and take another long drag.

"Were you...you two..." Shit I don't know if I wanna know.

"Yes, briefly. But I knew we couldn't stay like that. I was the slayer, you know we aren't meant to live long lives."

Holy shit, holy shit!

"You just left her? She followed you!"

"I know and I never thought she would. But I should have known, testa dura, no?"

Heh. Yeah. But fuck, she left my grandmother!

"Why would you do that to her?!"

"To make sure she had a better life. To _give _her a life. What life could I have offered her?"

"Did it matter? If you loved her and she loved you..."

"You wouldn't be here." She smiles bitter sweetly at me.

She's right, and I feel like such a shit. Besides the fact that I'm a fuckin' hypocrite. If I had my way I'd have left Buffy so many times 'cause I thought she should have a better life. But things are different now, things are much more tolerant these days. They didn't have that luxury.

"So you knew my granddad too?"

"Yes, he was a friend of a friend. I knew he'd be a great match for your grandmother."

"Did she know she was set up?"

"No, and neither did he. It wasn't like he had to take pity on her, I just knew he'd fall in love with her, and she would come to love him, so I pulled some strings."

"Did my grandmother know you were alive?"

"No, she and I never met after I left Sicily. I watched over her, though, at times. And you."

"Me? When?!"

"When I could."

"Did ya watch while my mother was beatin' me?"

"No, but I made it so a few of her boyfriends saw the 'light'."

"Really? You're just one swell woman, ain't cha?" I feel a bit bitter, if she was watchin' over us why'd she let that shit happen?

"I wasn't able to be there all the time, Faith. But I was able to make sure Emily was your watcher."

"And look how well that turned out." I still can't help lashin' out.

She smirks at me. "It could've gone better, I agree. She was a wonderful woman and you both didn't deserve to go through what you did."

"Where were you on that one?"

"I'm not God, Faith. I can't be everywhere all the time."

I guess she's right. Can't fuck with fate anyway, if she had maybe me and B wouldn't have ended up where we are now.

"So, you and my Gee Gee huh?" I shake my head.

She nods sadly.

"Well, it's not that I'm against it, it's just that I can't wrap my brain around that kinda knowledge right now. Ya know?"

"I understand."

Shit! With this new revelation, I forgot about all that shit about my father. I feel a presence and spin around. I catch a mess of blonde hair movin' quickly away from the window. Buffy's spyin'. Heh. I'm surprised she hasn't asked Will to do an invisibility spell so she could come out here but chances are Alicia would've detected it.

"She's a great woman for you." Alicia's lookin' at the window.

"Who?"

"Buffy."

"We're broken up."

"Faith, I'm not stupid, I know what's going on."

Fuck! If our cover is blown we gotta act quick!

"Does anyone else?"

"No, you've got them quite fooled. Very good work, by the way."

I sigh relieved.

"Thanks."

"I hope you see me as an ally, Faith. I've made a promise, in there, to your grandmother, I'll help you defeat those behind all this."

"You better not be messin' with me, Alicia, 'cause former lover of my grandmother or not, you fuck with me and my family or my slayers, or the fuckin' world for that matter, and you're goin' down."

I hold her gaze for several moments to make sure she gets how serious I am.

She nods her head, and looks all impressed, "I understand perfectly."

"We better get back inside or my fuckin' bastard of a fuckin' father will be suspicious." I start to turn away, then turn back, "So you gotta...ya know...with him?"

"I do what I have to for the cause, eh? I don't think about it. Or it would make me crazy."

Shit, she's probably sacrificed a lot in her life time. The first sacrifice she made was givin' up my Gee Gee so that Gee'd have a better life, and for the cause.

I have the strongest urge to hug Buffy and keep her close. Every day I'm learnin' how I should let go of some of the stupid hang-ups I've been holdin' on to.

"Do I need to know anything about who we're dealin' with?"

"For your safety I'll come to see you very soon. You'll be at your Aunt's house?"

"If not there then in Buffy's hotel room."

"I've heard you're trying to have a baby." She gets a huge smile on her face. "Brava!"

"How did you..."

"The warlock who restored my soul, he helped your Willow find the spell you used."

"He must be old."

"Very."

She's pretty fuckin' powerful. I better watch my back.

I go back inside and she follows behind a few minutes later.

My dad comes up to me.

"You and Nina getting acquainted?"

I nod.

"I'm glad! I hope we can become a family now, Faith."

Oh man, I wanna kick him in the balls so bad.

"I don't know about that," I have to will myself not to speak through clenched teeth. "But she seems nice, I wish you two well."

"Look, Faith. I know things haven't been so good between us in the past, but..."

"Look, _Tommy_. Things have been better in terrorist ravaged villages then what I went through as a child. Don't think you can just worm your way into my life. There are things goin' on that I can't deal with right now. Especially not you."

"Hey, hey." He puts up his hand, "I don't wanna start trouble."

"Good, 'cause you're not gonna get a chance to."

He realizes he's not gonna get anywhere so he stops tryin'. At least he's not as dumb as a fuckin' post. I'd be really worried about my genes then. It's bad enough he's a major fuckin' prick.

"Ok, Faith. I get it. Let's just try to keep in touch, huh?"

"Whatever." I'll be keepin' in touch with his face soon.

Alicia steps up. "It was a pleasure to talk to you, Faith. I hope we get to do so again, soon."

"Sure."

They say goodbye and then go around the room sayin' goodbye to everyone who matters.

I need to fuckin' sit down, so I do.

Aunt Dee comes up and gives me a hug.

"You handled that really well, Faith. You showed him that you're mature, Gee Gee would be proud."

I think of Gee Gee and Alicia, and that makes me think of me and Buffy. I put my head in my hands.

I feel Buffy come up, and Aunt Dee stiffens beside me.

"I just wanted to..." B's kinda nervous about what Aunt Dee'll do or say to her.

I pick my head up and look in B's eyes. "Thanks for comin', Buffy. I appreciate it."

"It was the least I could do, she was..." Her voice breaks. "She was a wonderful woman."

Aunt Dee gets up and thanks B and hugs her. She says somethin' in her ear and B nods. Then Aunt Dee leaves us alone. Most everyone is gone now, just the main family. 'Kennedy' is over talkin' to Willow, waitin' on B.

I get up and hug her, lingerin' just long enough to not make people talk, but to let her know I need her right now. When I pull outta the hug I see her eyes poolin' with tears in 'em.

"See you tomorrow, Faith?"

"Yeah, the funeral's at 9, Giles' got the details, if you want 'em."

"Of course. Have a good night. I'll see ya."

"Yeah, bye."

I nod over to 'Ken'.

They leave and I wanna cry. I see my Aunt and Uncle's sayin' their goodbyes to Gee Gee for the night. We'll all be back tomorrow at 8, for the final prayers and goodbyes before they close her coffin. Man, that's gonna suck.

I go up and kneel at her casket. I see a picture that wasn't there before. It's of Alicia and Gee Gee and they're huggin' tight. There's an inscription: "_Addio, mio dolce ragazza. Ci ritroveremo di nuovo un giorno. Ciao a dire Matty per me. Sempre, A._" "_Goodbye, my sweet girl. We shall meet again one day. Say hello to Matty for me. Always, A."_

There's a St. Christopher's medal on a string tied to the picture. I rub my finger over it. Gee Gee gave me one just like it, a couple of months before I fucked off to SunnyD. It's probably still in the rubble of B's house. I left it in one of her drawers to keep her safe. Yeah, I was worried about her but I couldn't tell her that then. 'Cause I was a fucked up bitch.

I get up before I start cryin' like a baby, and give my grandmother a kiss on the cheek. "See you tomorrow, Gee."

*****

At the funeral home the next mornin' we listen as Father Albert says the prayers for Gee Gee's soul. No need, though, she's goin' to heaven for sure.

When he's done, we all get up and file past her casket sayin' our final goodbyes. There's not a dry eye in the room. Only immediate family is here so my fuckface father is nowhere in sight. Alicia knew that, plus she'd be a vampy candle in the daylight, so that's why she put that picture of them in the casket last night.

I didn't get to see Buffy last night and that's really botherin' me. The other thing I'm nervous about is they've asked me to say somethin' about Gee Gee at the service later. I tried to write some stuff last night but it got all mixed up. I guess I'm gonna just hafta shoot from the hip.

Finally, the undertakers come to close the casket, they give us a chance to take stuff from the casket that isn't gonna stay. Like the flowers, they have to come out. Aunt Dee takes the prayer beads from Gee Gee's hands. She goes to give 'em to me.

"No, Dee, I can't. We should leave 'em with her." She stops me.

"Gee Gee wanted you to have 'em. She said you always liked 'em. So don't be an ingraziada, huh?"

I take the beads and run my thumb over 'em before I put them in my pocket.

"Thanks." My voice breaks. They're closin' the casket.

We watch as they close everything up and get it ready for the pall bearers to carry her out to the hearse.

I feel like liftin' it over my head and carryin' it by myself as my last opportunity to do somethin' for her, but then her words come back to me. She'll always be with me, and she'll be watchin' what I do. So there'll be other opportunities for me to do stuff for her.

Like raise my kids like she'd want me to.

We all walk outta the funeral home and get into the limos they've got for us. Giles is with me. I'm so glad, I need someone who gets me, all of me. Everyone else that does that for me'll be at the church and the one person that gets me the most, can't even sit near me.

How fucked up is that?

As we're sittin' in the pews at the church a familiar song starts up, there's a white screen behind the alter, pictures start goin' in a collage in time with the music.

_Half of what I say is meaningless__  
__But I say it just to reach you, Julia._

I look over and Aunt Dee smiles at me with tears in her eyes. Pops used to play this song for Gee Gee a lot.

The pictures start out when she was a baby, her parents, her brother, and yes, her best friend. Her parents are all stern lookin'. Back in those days, they didn't say cheese before you took a picture. You had to be serious. But Gee Gee's all smiles.

_Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me__  
__So I sing a song of love, Julia__  
__Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me__  
__So I sing a song of love, Julia._

_Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering,__  
__In the sun_

There she is near the beach in Sicily. She looks like a movie star from the Fifties.

_Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me__  
__So I sing a song of love, Julia._

And there she is with Pops on their wedding day. She's stunnin', and he looks like he just won the lottery.

_When I cannot speak my heart__  
__I can only speak my mind, Julia._

Here come the pictures of her and Pops and their kids. Damn, there's my Uncle Joe, my mom's twin. He looks like Joey, Leah's son. I guess we all look alike.

And there she is, Kate, so cute as a kid, such a nightmare as an adult.

_Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me__  
__So I sing a song of love, Julia._

There's other candid photos of her and people are laughin'. There's one of her chasin' me, as I run stark naked down the street. I was three. The whole room is goin' nuts with laughter, and I briefly think we're gonna get tossed for the naked pics in church.

I turn around and Buffy's got the biggest smile on her face. I wink and then quickly turn back around.

_Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmm...calls me__  
__So I sing a song of love, Julia, Julia, Julia._

There are a few more pics as the song winds down. And then one of Gee Gee in her prime, and it fades into a recent one. Shit, that was on our weddin' day. She's so happy, it must have been her lookin' at us in front of Giles. Andy must have taken it of her.

Damn, the tears won't stop.

Giles reaches over and hands me a hanky, I mouth him a thanks, I see he's got tears in his eyes, too.

Uncle Sal pats my leg and Aunt Dee hugs me into her side.

I'm so glad I have my family with me, but I wish Buffy could be up here beside me.

The mass starts and I have to watch others to remember when to kneel and when to get up. Dude, it's been freakin' years. And even then I never went much.

Uncle John and Leah each do a readin' and then Father Albert says a few words.

And then I'm introduced. Fuck, my heart is in my stomach.

The people in my pew get up to let me through, and I make my way out to the aisle, I pass by Gee Gee's casket and I touch it briefly.

I get up to the pulpit and pray I don't go to talk and croak like a frog.

My hands and legs are shakin' a little and my mouth is all dry. I look out at everyone and they're all at attention, waitin' for me to speak. It's crazy dude, why do they have so much 'faith' in me? Why did Gee Gee? Why does my aunt and other uncles? I'm just some punk kid who left them when shit got too hard.

I see Buffy and her face is one of pride, she's proud of me. My confidence is boosted and I take out my notes.

"First of all," I clear my throat, it was a bit froggy. "I'd like to thank everyone for comin'. Gee Gee is definitely smilin' down on us all, today." Everyone nods and murmurs, and some are lookin' up towards the ceilin' or at her coffin.

"The amount of people that are in this room, the flowers, the cards, letters and telegrams, which I didn't even know people did anymore." They chuckle at that. "Are all testaments to how loved and respected she was, is. When I was asked to speak, I thought, 'What am I gonna say that'll do justice to her life?' and then Father Al's words came back in my mind." I look over to Father Albert who's sittin' on the alter but off to the side, he nods at me and smiles.

"When my life wasn't goin' so well, when I thought I'd never be able to live up to the standards she raised us in. And let's face it, whether you were one of her kids, her family, her friends, her kid's friends, or just an acquaintance, she raised us. Always teachin' and guidin' us to do what was best. Or even lettin' us be on our own, to make our way in the world. But she always was there. In ways we didn't even know were possible." I think of Alicia lookin' out for me, all because of Gee Gee.

"She never," My voice waivers and I can't look at anyone or I'll lose it, especially not Buffy. I look down at my paper, with not much on it, but it helps me focus. "She never asked anything of anyone, she never judged. Even when she should've. All I can say to her, now is, 'We love you, we'll miss you. You'll forever be in our hearts, and we'll always be tryin' to make you proud, like you made us. Thank you Guilia, Gee Gee, Ma. Say Hi to Pops for us, and tell him 'Comay Beller' from me." I look over at Dee and she's lost it, even my Uncles are bawlin', it feels final.

I whisper the rest.

"Sapendo che ci ha resi tutti più persone, la ringrazio la mia dolce nonna."

Some of the Italian speakers weep a little harder at that. I translate for the people who don't understand.

"Knowing you has made us all better people, thank you my sweet grandmother."

I wait a few moments as people start calmin' down. I look at all of them.

"Thanks again for coming, on behalf of my family, we appreciate it and we'll never forget it."

I get down from the pulpit and kiss the flag that's draped over Gee Gee's coffin. A few more people are weepin' kinda loudly. As I stand back up I notice some movement in the balcony of the church. I catch a glimpse of Alicia, she must've snuck in through the basement. She risked bein' burnt to a crisp to see the service. Damn, must have been _some_ love she had for my Gee Gee.

I go back and take my seat. Aunt Dee's huggin' me and everyone's thankin' me for a great speech. I still don't think I did her justice.

Later on, as we stand by the grave, we're sayin' our final goodbyes, we kiss the flower we each have, and then place it on her coffin. I picked one that was Gee Gee's favorite color; it also happened to be the color of the brooch Alicia had on at the wake. I understand the significance now. Alicia didn't only love her, but she loved Alicia, I wonder if they had known about the havin' kids spell and were in a different era if they wouldn't have stayed together, and been like me and B.

Life's funny though, what doesn't happen in one generation, happens in another.

I wouldn't be surprised if that Elton John song from the Lion King started playin'. I chuckle a little at that thought as I kiss the flower and put it on the coffin.

I loved my grandpa, he was a great man, so I guess it worked out just how it needed to. Still, it's sad.

My Dad's been MIA, all day, I wonder what's up. This would be the perfect opportunity to be all high profile. I hope Alicia comes to see me tonight. I'm goin' to see B at the hotel. I can't stand bein' without her for this long.

I need my Buffy. And that's final.


	30. When It Rains, It Pours

Chapter 30- When It Rains It Pours 

We finally get back to Aunt Dee's at around 4 o'clock. We went to a restaurant after the burial.

Aunt Dee invited the Scoobs back to the house, but they gotta go research. We've gotta find out about Alicia and my father and what this shit all means. We decide to do the glamour switch though. Buffy's gonna be Dawn and come back with me to my Aunt's. Giles is stayin' too, the others including Vi as Buffy will be tryin' to wrap this shit up.

At my aunt's place, Me and B try to get as close to each other as possible, without looking like that's what we're doin' but a couple of times we just naturally gravitated towards each other. It's hard to break that kinda habit, I guess.

I go upstairs to change and I hear Leah and Kara say they're gonna take Kara's grandmother home, she lives about an hour away, so they ask Aunt Dee to watch Joey. He's down there right now entertainin' the people that came back to the house, I can hear Buffy laugh with delight at his antics. He's been standin' and tryin' to take some steps, but usually only gets a couple out before he falls down on his diapered ass with a huff. It's very cute.

As I come down the steps I see Buffy kneelin' on the floor steadyin' him from behind. She's givin' him words of encouragement and darned if he ain't lookin' like a quarterback on the sideline gettin' last minute instructions from his coach before goin' out to the huddle. When I get down to the bottom of the steps he sees me, I crouch down and hold my arms out to him. He gives a determined head nod and Buffy lets him go, there are squeals of excitement as he makes his stunted way across the living room. He kinda looks like Frankenstein the way he's walkin' with his arms out. I can hear people shhhin' each other because if he gets too excited he's gonna fall.

Uncle Jimmy's got the camera and he's recordin' this. Leah and Kara are gonna shit when they find out he took his first really big steps and they weren't here. I feel bad, but it's awesome to witness this. Finally, with two steps to go he stops and sways a little, then lunges forward and his momentum makes him kinda twinkle toe the rest of the way into my arms.

The people in the livin' room and dinin' room that were watchin' are goin' nuts with claps and cheers. I'm huggin' him and I look to B who's bawlin' happy tears. I feel tears spring to my own eyes as I see that. Aunt Dee rushes over to us and hugs us both, Jules and Ash run the rest of the way down the stairs and join in on the hugs. It feels awesome.

Joey pipes up and we all pull back to look at him, he's still got that look of determination on his face. He looks like he's tellin' us off.

"He's sayin' he's not done." Aunt Dee explains. It's a bunch of gibberish, but his face shows that's exactly what he's tryin' to say. My aunt and cousins break away from me and I turn Joey around, point at B and give him a mini pep talk for encouragement, then I let go and he makes his Frankenstein-y way over to B. She's laughin' and cryin' her happy tears with her arms held out to him. She's in her Dawn glamour but I know it's her and my heart feels full to burstin'. When he gets to her she picks him up and lifts him over her head. People around her are givin' him little pats on his back and are cheerin' his accomplishment. He's so happy he's shakin' his chubby arms and legs in victory.

After a while he's decided he's had enough, I guess, 'cause other people are tryin' to get him to walk, but he ain't havin' it. I see B make her way upstairs to use the bathroom and I go into the kitchen and slink up the stairs the back way. I can hear the toilet flush and I knock on the door softly, she says she'll be done in a moment and then must feel the tingles 'cause the next second the door is ripped open and she's pullin' me in with her. She snaps her fingers and the glamour disappears. We're kissin' like there's no tomorrow and we haven't seen each other in years. I wanna pull her clothes off and leave them in shreds, but I know we can't do that. Can't look suspicious, we don't know who's here that could be a spy. Plus if my family heard us fuckin' Aunt Dee would have my ass in a sling, 'cause I told her there wasn't anything between me and Dawnie, and she'd think I lied to her.

Out of nowhere I get a chill and that makes me think of Alicia, and my dad. I still haven't seen him anywhere. That's botherin' me 'cause he said he'd see us today. That fuckface can't keep a goddamn promise if his fuckin' worthless life depended on it.

Buffy must feel my anger 'cause she's pullin' back from me a bit, I'm tryin' to pull her in as close as I can get her.

"Faith, Faith….wait." She's breathless and that's only eggin' me on. "Baby, wait, _please_."

That please snaps me outta tryin' to strip her and I pull back and look into her eyes.

"Faith, what's the…" Before she can get 'matter' out I hug her desperately and bawl my eyes out on her shoulder squeezin' her to me like she's my life line in a bleak and stormy sea.

She's strokin' my head and soothin' me with lovin' words, she's also cryin' and she's tellin' me to let it out, we'll get through this together.

I'm not only cryin' for Gee Gee and Alicia, but I'm cryin' 'cause I'm probably gonna have to be the killer I've been tryin' hard not to be. Like I said, if my Dad's behind this I'm gonna have to waste him, I don't want to leave it to nobody else to do.

It's gotta be me.

After a few minutes I realize we better get goin', any more time in here and we'll be missed. At least we should get outta the bathroom, I don't think it'll hurt none if people knew we were talkin' in a room somewhere, just not the bathroom.

I just want all this bullshit to be done so we can find out what happened to Ken and we can get back to our lives and our apartment. Our wonderful fuckin' apartment that I haven't seen in a couple of weeks, it feels like years. We're doin' our best, but it just keeps gettin' more complicated.

I feel a hell of a lot better from just that little amount of time bein' in B's arms. I tell her I'm comin' to see her tonight, then we kiss sweetly and I leave the room. I go into Gee Gee's room and get the fuckin' fright of my life.

Alicia's standin' there lookin' at Gee Gee's pictures on the wall. I look around for a weapon, I'm sorry, but I still don't trust her completely.

I hear B about to pass by and I intercept her and pull her into the room. She immediately stiffens and I can see she's tryin' to gauge our options. Alicia could get outta the window but she'd be burnt to a crisp in no time, it's really bright out there.

Speakin' of which I wonder how she got here.

I close the door quickly and B does the spell to make sure we're not heard.

"What's up, A? I thought you would get in touch with me tonight. Kinda weird you just showin' up, uninvited, and unannounced."

Hmmmm fuck, uninvited. I didn't even think of that, she didn't get an invite, so why's she able to be in the house? And how in the fuck did she get in unseen?

"I haven't heard from your father since after the wake."

"Yeah? That's unusual?"

"Yes, he said he had to go to a meeting after we got back, that's not unlike him, with his current bid for office sometimes he has to meet his political strategists at all times of the day or night."

"So what makes this so unusual?" B/Dawn asks.

"He hasn't been in touch. He usually calls me pretty regularly."

"He must be in love." I say, a little annoyed. Why the fuck do I care where the bastard is?

"Yes, I think he is." Alicia says uneasy.

"So whatta ya want us to do about it?"

"I…I'm concerned because what it might mean."

"Alicia, you've got the gift of eternal life, er, death. I'm gettin' older by the second here. What's up?!"

"They could be on to us. Or you to be more precise."

"Dawn, get on the phone to…" Oh fuck it. If B's supposed to be Dawn, is Dawn Andy again? This shit's getting impossible. "Uh, Xander, give him a heads up." I don't want B to expose herself as wearin' a glamour, but I think Alicia might know. When I called B Dawn she looked at us curiously.

We hear some commotion from downstairs and I think it's about either Joey or maybe my family's watchin' a game or somethin'. Shit, I haven't even been payin' attention to any sports.

All of a sudden I hear my name bein' yelled. I tell them to hang on and I open the door. "Yeah?"

"Come look!! Look at the news!" Aunt Dee's yellin'.

"D, go call Xand. Alicia, uhhh yeah, stay here I guess." Or try your luck at gettin' burnt up.

I run downstairs. Everyone's huddled around the TV, the local news has somethin' goin' across the bottom of the screen, I can see a body bag on a gurney bein' rolled to an ambulance.

"A source close to the family tells Channel 5 news that Mr. Lehane was recently re-united with his estranged daughter, and was in attendance at his ex-mother-in-law's wake on Wednesday night. He is survived by his daughter, a sister Katherine, brother Jason and his girlfriend of one year, Nina Scarlotta. An investigation is being launched with the help of the FBI. Heather…"

Holy fuck!!

"Thanks Ed, such a heartbreaking story. Up next is Harvey's forecast, we hope the weather warms up just a little."

"I know, it's been unseasonably cool hasn't it?"

No one knows how to react. It's like the air has been sucked outta the room. Aunt Rae is tutting and sayin' 'Madonna mia'. But everyone else is just silent.

Aunt Dee looks at me and she doesn't know what to say.

It's fuckin' curious but I feel bad, just a bit, and I'm mad that someone fucked with my family. Even if it is my asshole father.

"Faith…"

"Dee, not right now, ok? I need to make a phone call." She nods at me, understandin'.

I turn and run up the stairs takin' them three at a time. B's on the phone in Ash's room, she's frantic.

"What do you mean, disappeared?! Where are they?!!!"

What fuckin' now?!

"What about a locator spell?" She runs a hand through her hair.

"Willow!! This is not good!!"

I take the phone from her hand.

"What's up, Will?"

"Faith, oh my god! Rona and Vi are missing. We got back here and they went to their room. We were gonna meet in my room to research your father's role in this whole thing, when they didn't show up, I called their room. I just got back from teleporting into the room and nothing. Their stuff's there but they're nowhere in sight."

"Did you call their cellphone's?"

"They're still in the room. Everything is still in the room, purses, coats, everything."

Holy fuck. Holy fuck! HOLY FUCK!

"Ok Will, let's stay calm. I'm guessin' a locator spell didn't work?"

"No…no it didn't. Faith, what are we gonna do?"

HOLY FUCK!!! What _are_ we gonna do?!

I look at B and she's highly stressed. She's gonna become even more stressed when I tell her the latest development with my Dad. And shit! I gotta tell Alicia, too. I'm pretty sure she wasn't in love with him, but whoever's behind all this shit has sent some sort of a message to us.

I break the silence. "Look Red, get everyone over to my Aunt's house, NOW! Don't bother with cars and shit, just teleport here NOW! You got it? Everyone!"

"Got it. Where should we teleport to?"

"The basement apartment, Leah and Kara aren't home, just hurry, ok?!"

"Gotcha, we'll be right there."

I hang up with her and pull Buffy with me to Gee Gee's room.

Alicia's got the picture of them in her hands, she's sittin' on the bed and kinda smilin', I guess you'd call it a 'wistful smile' or some shit.

"We were so young."

Still are, A, although I don't say that to her. That's her curse, the fact that she's still young and my Gee Gee's dead.

"There's some news," I don't say bad news, 'cause I hated my dad and thought I had to kill him, plus I don't know what kinda news it is.

"What happened?" B asks.

"They found my dad…"

"Found him?" Alicia looks up from the picture.

"Yeah, they just pulled his body outta Dorcester Bay."

Buffy gasps.

"Oh my god." Alicia gets up and starts pacing.

"And 'Kennedy' and 'Buffy' are missing."

"Oh my god!" Alicia repeats.

"What the fuck are we dealin' with here, A?!"

"Oh my god!" She says again.

"Alicia, get it together!" I make her stop pacin'. "We need to know what we're up against!"

Buffy looks like she's gonna yark. I wouldn't blame her, this shit is fucked up. We might find Vi and Rona in the bay, too. That makes me wanna break down and cry.

"Faith!" Aunt Dee yells from downstairs as B hightails it to the bathroom. Shit, she's gettin' sick.

"Yeah?"

"Your Aunt Kate is on the phone."

My Aunt Kate, she's my dad's sister, the one who used to take me to the Cape when she could. I feel bad, I forgot about them through all this. She was at the funeral and I briefly spoke to her, but we didn't really get a chance to talk and get shit resolved.

I really wanna go to Buffy right now and help her out, but I gotta go downstairs. This fuckin' day just keeps gettin' better and better.

I pick up the extension in Gee Gee's room. Alicia looks at me curiously.

"Hey, Aunt Kate."

"Did you see the news?"

"Yeah I just saw it, I'm sorry."

"I'm not sure what to do or say, Faith."

"I know, neither do I."

"It's somethin', huh? You're his only child."

"Did you need me to do somethin'?"

"Maybe, I'll let you know. I just wanted to make sure you knew, sorry you had to see it on the news. You'd think they'd wait a little to break the story, but they notified me and then the next thing I know the story's on the TV. I haven't even gone down to I.D. the body."

"They probably got one of his co-workers to do it."

"I guess." She sounds like she's in shock.

"You wanna come over here, Aunt Kate? I could have someone pick ya up."

"Really? That would be nice. I don't want to be here right now. They've got reporters callin' and some have started to show up outside." Her voice is stressed.

"Ok, you just stay there, I'll send a car for ya."

I hang up and go to the stairs. "Aunt Dee, can someone go pick up my Aunt?"

"Katie?"

"Yeah."

"Ok…JIM!!!!" She blows out our eardrums.

I run to the bathroom and B's got the glamour off. She's kinda restin' on the side of the toilet. All of a sudden I get this fuckin' strong tingly feelin' in my groin. Almost like someone shot me up with a gallon of carbonation. It makes me fall to my knees.

B looks over, she's got a face like a ghost. "What's…what's the matter."

I reach into the front of my jeans and my junk is gone. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

She's pregnant.


	31. What's Next?

Chapter 31-What's Next?

"Wha-what's…" Buffy pauses to hurl into the bowl. I crawl over to her and hold her while her body's convulsin'. She stops for a brief moment. "Oh god, what did I eat? Oooh, look lemon chicken, I forgot about that…oh god not again…" I cringe as she's gettin' sick and help her with her hair but she makes me laugh with noticin' the lemon chicken.

Dunno when I became the official 'Spew Girl' but I usually end up helpin' someone while they spew. I guess it doesn't bother me as much as other people. 'Cept when it's tacos or burritos, well anything with refried beans in it, or a bean theme, 'cause that's really gross to see and smell, dude.

Her stomach seems to have given her a bit of a reprieve. She's groanin' and leanin' on the bowl. I take this opportunity to get her a cup of water. She waves it away and gets sick again. Poor baby. I hate to see her goin' through this and when she realizes why, she's gonna kill me.

She finishes and looks curiously at the bowl, "Oh god, is that a whole slice of apple?" I chuckle. "Oops…" She blushes a little.

"What?"

"Piece of gum, I didn't realize I swallowed it."

"I'm always tellin' you not to swallow your gum, B! You see why? It just stays like that in your system, it doesn't break down."

"Who told you that again?" She sighs.

"Gee Gee, after I ate a whole pound of cookie dough. She was distracted, had to go into the livin' room or somethin' and I ate the whole bowl of cookie dough. I got sick but didn't make it to the toilet, I could only get as far as the sink. Gee Gee came up behind me and counted all the pieces of gum that I had swallowed over the past two days. There were like six, and I got grounded." I shrug. "Which was fine with me 'cause I needed to lay down for a while. Ya know, whole pound of cookie dough and all."

"I wondered why you never want to lick the spoon or try to sneak cookie dough outta the bowl while I'm making them."

"Now you know." I get a smirk on my face as I hand her a cup of cool water. This time she accepts it gratefully. "And you know what else?"

"Hmmm?" She gulps the water.

"Sips, B! Sips!!" I take the cup from her and sit down next to her. She pouts.

"None of the pouty lips, B. I got important things to say. Are you gonna yark again, or can you listen for a while?"

She smacks my arm. "I can listen. I'd like to have some more water though. Please, warden?"

"Only if you sip it." I hold the cup out and she goes to take it from me. "Ah, ah, ah. I'll hold it." Her eyes narrow at me but she puts her lips to the cup. I don't know why I'm doin' this, I trust her to sip it but I think I just wanna baby her a little.

'Cause she's havin' my baby. Heh.

She's done sippin' and she sits back. She looks less pale.

"Wow, I don't know what came over me there. I guess it was the shock of everything." Her face gets a stricken look. "Oh, Faith, what if…what…if Rona...and Vi are…are…"

I pull her close to me and settle us back against the bath tub.

"Buffy, don't worry about all that, we'll find them. You know we will."

"But…but…that could've been me…us…" She sounds spooked.

"B, we'll find out what's goin' on. Giles…" Oh shit, Giles doesn't know Will and them are comin' they're probably already here. I gotta make this quick, but not. "Giles'll help research, I got the Scoobs comin', we'll get to the bottom of it." I give her a kiss on the top of her head.

She relaxes against me fully and sighs into me.

"Maybe I caught a bug, but I still think it was me being shocked."

"Well, I think…"

"What?"

Damn, I hope I'm makin' the right decision here.

"I don't got the penis anymore."

She pulls back from me quickly and her eyes narrow at me, then go wide.

"Are you…Oh god! We're pregnant!"

I laugh. "Yeah we are." I go to pull her in for a kiss and she stops me.

"No, Faith! I haven't brushed. That would be icky."

"You think I care, B?"

"_I_ do!" She jumps up and goes for the mouthwash.

I get up and wrap my arms around her while she's rinsin' out her mouth. She gargles and then leans over the sink more. I place my cheek on her back and she giggles.

"What're you doin'?"

I get up and turn her around givin' her a huge kiss.

When we break, I look deeply into her eyes. "We're gonna be moms, B."

"I know, it's…I can't believe it!" She gets a curious look on her face. "Do you think it's that though? I mean, doesn't it take a few weeks to really know?"

"Tell you what, we'll get back to NY to have our doctors look at ya."

All of a sudden the door opens and Ashleigh spots me and B. "Uhhh, sorry I didn't…Buffy?!"

"Ash!" I try to shield B from her view, but it's no use, she's spotted her. Fuck!

"What's she doing here? And in Dawn's clothes?!"

Fuck!

I push Ash outta the door and tell B to stay put and lock the door.

"Come with me Ash."

"Why?! What did I do?!"

"Nothin' just please, come with me."

I bring her down the back stairs and through the kitchen to the basement steps, we go down and I can hear someone shushin' other people. Ash looks like I'm gonna beat her.

"Don't be scared Ash. I just wanna explain."

I gotta do somethin', 'cause she looks like she's gonna pee herself. I call Francie over to come down with us.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Francie, come down with us, I gotta tell Ashleigh somethin'."

She shrugs. "Kay."

We go down and there's no one around, but I know they're there. Francie can tell too, but Ash doesn't look like anything's up, other than the fact that she thinks I'm gonna beat her.

"Ok, Ash. There's some things that are goin' on that are very important. I can't tell you everything, but I wanted to explain what you just saw."

"Okay." She's unsure.

"We're undercover agents, and Buffy was wearin' a disguise."

"That was a pretty fuckin' good disguise! You're shittin' me!"

"Ash! I'm tellin'."

"Francie, stop bein' 5, and let me do the talkin', huh?" I scold her.

"Sorry."

I nod at her then look at Ashleigh, "It's true, we've got some really great disguises, but Ash, no one can know. Ok? This knowledge could put you and your family in danger. But I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I just want to make sure you don't tell anyone," I look into her eyes to make my point. "No one, not even your mom or dad, or other sisters. Ok?"

"Yeah, but how come Francie knows?"

"She saw B the other day, and I had to tell her too."

"So you and Buffy aren't broken up?"

I shake my head, "Nope."

"You…" Ashleigh looks like she's gonna cry.

"What's the matter?"

"You, you let Gee Gee die thinkin' you guys were split up."

"No, Ash." I look at her sincerely. "Gee Gee knew we had to do it 'cause of our job."

She looks skeptical. "That's some weird job you got."

"The weirdest."

"Can I help?" She's lookin' less upset.

That makes me smile, she's always willin' to help with stuff. Bein' the middle child she kinda feels left out.

"Sure Ash, but you can't do any of the dangerous stuff, sorry. What you can do is help out around here. Make sure no one's on to us, ya know? Keep your ears and eyes peeled. We think there's a spy somewhere, possibly in the house."

"You think the thing with your dad has somethin' to do with this?"

"Maybe."

She looks a moment or two and then jumps into my arms givin' me a big hug.

"I'm so glad you came back, Faith."

I hug her tightly. "Me too, Ash. Me too."

"I'm happy you told me, rather than treatin' me like I'm stupid. Jules does that all the time, and it pisses me off."

"You're not stupid, honey. And don't ever let anyone tell you you are, got that?"

She pulls back and I can see a tear in her eye, but she's got a smile on her face. "If they do can I ask you to kick their asses?" She puts her hand on my arm and squeezes my bicep, givin' a short laugh that lights up her face.

"You bet, Ash." I wink at her.

Francie puts her hand on Ashleigh's shoulder. "I'll help too, Ash."

"Is this what you're trainin' Francie at that school for? To be an undercover agent?"

"Sorta, but she's mainly learnin' regular school stuff." I punch Francie's arm playfully. "I gotta get back upstairs, are you gonna be ok?"

"Sure, just let me know if there's anything else I can help with."

"I will, and you and Francie can help me together, ok?"

"Yes," She nods at me and looks me in the eye, I know she's gonna do anything she can to help. I just have to make sure she's not gonna get herself killed or hurt because of it. I'm trustin' Francie to keep her safe and this way they can confide in each other.

"Ok, you guys get back upstairs, Francie, go up and tell Buffy she should wait in Gee…no, in Ash's room. That ok with you Ash?"

"Of course!" She runs up and Francie follows, I call Francie back before she gets up the steps.

"Yeah?"

"Keep her safe Fran, make sure she's not askin' too much stuff or tryin' to work out what's really goin' on. But don't treat her like she's stupid."

"I won't."

"Good, I'll tell you more soon, ok?"

"Ok."

"Thanks for your help, Francie. Oh, and no one else can know, got it?"

"Of course."

"Make sure no one goes into Gee Gee's room."

"I will, er…won't." Before she goes back upstairs she turns and waves at the air behind me.

"Hi Willow, Xand, Dawnie and Andrew."

They appear as she calls out their names.

"You've learned to use your powers very well, young one." Andy says like he's Obi Wan.

"Thanks! I'll see you guys later." She says as she turns and runs up the steps to get her cousin and make sure she's cool with this.

"Ok," I turn around. "First of all thanks for comin' so fast, secondly, Will, do the teleport mojo and teleport Alicia down here from my Gee Gee's room."

Willow gets to work and Dawnie comes over for a hug.

"What's up, Faith? You look like the shit's hit the fan." She laughs, the little brat.

I pull her so I can see her face. "You have no idea, D. No idea."

"I'm gonna go up and get Giles and Buffy, you guys wait here, but if Leah and Kara come home you gotta go invisible. I'll try to get to 'em before they get back."

"Are you gonna let them in on everything, too?" Dawn says as Alicia appears with a pop and some green mist.

Xander jumps, he's still a bit of a wuss when things appear like that. It's funny.

"Not everything, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

I run upstairs and I can see Giles talkin' to my Aunt Kate, she must have just got here.

"Hey Aunt Katie," I go over to her and she hugs me. "I'm really sorry about your brother."

She gives me a sad look, "He was such a shit, but I didn't think anyone wanted him dead."

That's funny, 'cause I know my ma sure as shit wanted him to die, and I've thought about it a dozen times. We break apart and she goes and sits down on the couch.

"I shoulda known though, he was dealin' with some of those asshole politicians, the one who go soft on drug clean up."

Damn! She probably knows some stuff I can use. I'll have to figure a way to ask her about it.

"Anyone we know?" Could start there, that sounds good.

"You remember Bobby Cochrane?"

"The pyro?"

"That's the one."

"He's one of the guys who was helpin' Tommy get groomed for his run for office. Seems like he became this wiz in Washington. Works for some senator's aide or somethin'."

Oh fuck, I bet that's our senator's aide that me and be got that shit on while we were in D.C. How much more fuckin' convoluted is this gonna get?

"Man, you never know about some people, do ya? I thought he'd be in jail for burnin' down Faneuil Hall by now."

"You're not kiddin', that's what everyone else thought, too. Seems like after college he wanted everything to do with politics, but I think he's on the shady side."

"He in town? It would be cool to catch up with him."

"Yeah, I think he's stayin' with his ma for a bit, she's been sick recently."

"Damn, that sucks."

"I know, it's like one thing after another."

"I've got a couple of things to do, are you gonna be ok here?"

"Sure, you do what ya gotta, thanks for thinkin' of me comin' here. I was gettin' ready to board up the windows."

"Katie, come help me in the kitchen." Aunt Dee yells.

"Comin'!" She excuses herself and starts to go in the kitchen then stops. "Thanks again, Faith. I'm so sorry for what happened that time at the Cape. I never thought Tommy could be such an asshole."

"Don't worry about it, Aunt Kate, you did your best, I mean, you were only in high school at the time, right?"

"Still…" I stop her.

"Still nothin', don't worry, we're cool. Ok?"

She looks at me and smiles proudly. "You've turned into a wonderful woman. I'm so glad you came back."

"Me too, Aunt Katie, me too." She pat my shoulder then goes into the kitchen, Aunt Dee's tryin' to make us deaf again by callin' Katie in the kitchen.

Fuck, I gotta think. What the hell am I supposed to be doin'?

"Faith?" Giles' gentle question snaps me out of it.

"Hmmm?"

"What next?"

"Oh, ummm, go downstairs, I gotta go get B and bring her down."

"Do you need anything else?"

"No, grandpa, I don't."

He didn't catch the double meanin' and he thinks I'm makin' fun of his age. We'll tell him soon along with everyone else, but I guess that's gonna have to wait on the backburner, until we make sure it's true.

"Very well." He hesitates a moment and I know what's comin' next.

I stop him before he gets the chance to say somethin'.

"G, please. I can't even wrap my brain around it yet. We'll talk about it downstairs."

"I'm just making sure you're ok."

"I'm not ok, and then again I am, it's fuckin' weird, ya know?"

Shit, he doesn't know about Vi and Rona.

"Oh and we lost Vi and Rona."

"Bloody hell! What do you mean lost?!"

"Giles! Calm down," I pull him over to the stairs, "You wanna tip off everyone and their mother?"

"I apologize, but…"

"Just go downstairs and Will and the others'll fill you in."

He nods and goes down quickly.

I run up the steps and go to Ash's room. I can't open the door, B must have the chair under the knob.

"It's me, Dawnie."

I hear rustlin' and Buffy opens the door. She's back to bein' Dawn.

"Did, you talk to Ashleigh?" I ask when I get into the room and she shuts the door, barricadin' it.

"Yeah, she's pretty cool, she was making sure I was ok and if I needed anything."

I chuckle, "She likes bein' helpful."

Buffy wraps me up in another hug and I can't help but relax into it.

"Hey, how's your stomach?"

"Better, for now, hopefully. I'm worried about eating anything, though."

"Don't worry, we'll get back to HQ and talk to the docs, first we can talk to Will and see if this is normal."

"Ok," B pulls back from the hug and sighs. "What next?"

Heh. The question of the day. "I'm not sure, but we gotta go downstairs and strategize, everyone's down there."

She sets her shoulders in what I've come to know as her 'Let's kick ass' stance and she looks me in the eye.

"Let's kick ass."

Do I know her or what?

*****

"So what do you suggest?" Giles is rubbin' the bridge of his nose. We've been strategizin' for about 15 minutes and everyone's gettin' frustrated 'cause we got nothin'.

"Hey, what about Ken?" I just realized she's still in lockdown back at the academy.

"What about her?"

"Who's watchin' her? Is she safe? Can she tell us anything? She must've been involved in this somehow, even if it was just gettin' kidnapped and brainwashed."

"We've tried talking to her, she's kinda out of it, and a bit crazed." Willow says.

"Why don't me and B try? She and I can go to HQ and see what we can see. You guys keep researchin' what you can here. Hook up the witchtop and find out everything you can on the pyro." I say to Will.

"Got it." Will gets started.

I notice Alicia looks a bit stunned.

"Somethin' up, Alicia?" I ask.

"I…" She stops.

"Spill it, we're talkin' about our friend's lives here!"

"I think I might know where you can find the senator's aide."

"Well, fuck! Why didn't you say that before?!"

"It just came to me!"

Her fuckin' backtalk makes me incensed and I jump up and push her to the wall. I got the red mist in front of my eyes and I'm holdin' her by her throat up against the wall. I barely hear people yellin' behind me.

Someone gets a hold of my other hand, I had taken out my close combat weapon and I've got the blade with the mahogany tip place right over her heart. They're strong enough to get it off me and I can hear B yellin' in my ear.

Shit, I lost it again. Oh shit, B's gonna fuckin' flip. She's not gonna want my kid now.

I let go of Alicia and she holds her throat. She immediately says she's sorry.

That pisses me off too, but I don't say nothin'. I turn my back on her and look over at the stove. "I'm sorry Alicia, I don't trust you. I know you loved my grandmother and all, but weird shit's been happening and it seems to have hit the fan in a big way since you showed up."

I feel a hand on my shoulder and my vamp alarm lets me know it's Alicia.

"I know, Faith. You're a smart girl."

Heh. I don't know why but that reminds me of when Mrs. Post called me an idiot. That fuckin' bitch. She was the reason things went to shit between me and B. Besides me bein' a mega-bitch of course.

"Don't feel really smart right now. I feel sorry, so, please…" I turn around. "Don't be mad, we need your help."

I can hear the collective sigh in the room.

"Don't worry, you've got it."

"Good, let Will know where you think this dude is, we'll be back in a bit."

She nods, and then we get started on me and B teleportin' back to HQ. The others'll stay down here. I gotta get in touch with Leah and tell her not to go down in the basement and not to ask her ma why.

Shit, I'm gonna need to let more people in on this.

While everyone's talkin' and gettin' busy, I go over to Will.

"Red, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"How long did you say it would be before the you know, happened?"

She looks confused. "The 'you know'? I thought you already had the 'you know'?"

I pull her in and whisper in her ear. She squeals.

Everyone else looks our way, suspicious.

"Uh, tickled." Red saves us, she's rubbin' at her ear.

I give her the stink eye and she gets serious.

She whispers to me, "As far as I know it takes the normal amount of time. Are you positive?"

"Well B was yarkin' her guts out, and I lost the 'you know'."

"Oh, my god, Faith. Then it's true!" She raises her voice slightly.

"Shhhh, Will, we don't want everyone to know yet. Ok? We're gonna go get her checked out with the docs. Can you also just check to see if there are any cases of havin' mornin' sickness that fast with the spell?"

"I will."

I thank her and she hugs me. Dawnie's lookin' over at us all suspicious and pissed off. She knows she's bein' left out of somethin'.

I give her an innocent shrug and she sticks her tongue out at me.

Damn, Summer's women! I hope the baby's a boy, then maybe it'll be more like me. Heh.

*****

Me and B get teleported back to NY. It makes us a bit woozy, but doesn't give us the barfs like it used to. I'm worried about B though, cause of the yarkin' she did earlier.

Will had sent word ahead so they're ready for us. We get teleported right into the doc's office. B pisses in a cup and then she waits in the waitin' area while I make my way down to the holdin' area.

B doesn't really need to be down there questionin' Ken, and if she's still all in love over her, I don't think it'll help any.

Shit, Ken's in some sort of mystical barrier, she's out of it, but when I walk up to it she opens her eyes.

"Hey," Her voice sounds raspy.

"Hey, Ken."

"Who died?"

"Whatta ya mean?"

"Figured you wouldn't be comin' here unless someone died."

"Someone died, but it wasn't anyone close to you."

"So, what's up?"

"You seem pretty with it, last time I saw you you were kinda goin' nuts."

"Yeah, sorry about that, I really don't know what that was about. I seem to have been goin' kinda crazy for a while there."

"You feel any better?

"Kinda, I think it's been good for me being here. Ya know?"

"Ken, do you remember anyone approachin' you when you got back to the States?"

"For what?"

"Anythin', anything at all, protection… to help with somethin'…anything."

She thinks a while, "Nope, nothin' out of the ordinary. Laurie came up to me about some dude she was datin', said if she played her cards right she was gonna be the next first lady or somethin'."

"Did you meet this guy?"

"Once, about a year and a half ago. Me and Will went to their house, then Will was called away, I stayed for a while. They seemed cool."

"Anything weird happen after that?"

"Besides me cheatin' on Will with a Buffy clone?"

Heh, yeah there was that.

"Yeah, did you feel weird at all right after you left there?"

"Kinda, but uhhhh, well…"

"Well what."

"I dunno, you gonna narc to Willow on me?"

"You smoked somethin'?"

"Yeah, they said it was somethin' called 'Northern Lights' this shit was purple, Faith!"

"Ken, I thought you were a straight edged girl."

"Well, in Brazil you get into it, they've got some really good stuff, and it's like a tradition ya know?"

"I guess."

"You think they mojo'd the weed?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Shit, I'm so stupid."

"So, Laurie, huh?"

"Yeah, she was my friend, then I don't know what happened."

"You got whammied, Ken. But we're gonna get to the bottom of this shit. I promise you that."

"I'm guessin' I gotta stay in here for a while longer."

"Just until we make sure you're not gonna hurt anyone, or yourself. 'Sides, you've probably got a price on your head, they can't get to ya while you're in here."

She looks kinda like she understands, but she's conflicted. "I wish I could help."

"You did, Ken. You totally just did." I smile at her.

"Good," She looks at me kinda worried. "Did you really almost die?"

I shrug.

"Don't blow it off, Faith! I wanna know."

"Ken, what good'll it do ya?"

"I just want to know if I'm really as much of an asshole as I've been beatin' myself up for."

"It wasn't you doin' that, Ken."

"Still…"

"Ken, don't beat yourself up. Look, I gotta go, but I just wanted let you know that we're on this, we'll get you back."

She nods and closes her eyes, it looks like this talk took somethin' out of her.

The doc looks at me when I come outta the room.

"She's been pretty lucid recently. Hopefully she's making a full recovery."

"Good." I think about somethin'. "Anyone else allowed to come visit?"

"No one except you, Buffy, Giles, Willow and Dawn."

"That's good. Has anyone asked to see her recently?"

"Laurie was asking to see her, she was kind of upset she wasn't allowed in. Being a member of her former crew, I guess she thought she had clearance."

Fuckin' Laurie.

"Thanks, doc. I'll be in touch, Will might be stopping by tonight."

"Very well."

I touch my hand to the pad on the door, it allows me clearance to get out. I fly up to Giles' office and open up his laptop, I send Will a quick email with what I heard from Ken and wait for a response that she got it. Will says that Laurie hasn't been at the Academy for a few days, she took some time off. I tell them to get someone to nose around her place, and maybe get someone down to D.C. for surveillance.

She responds that they'll get right on it and that Ashleigh helped with keepin' Leah and Kara occupied. That bought 'em a couple hours more. They're goin' to a movie in a few minutes. Dawn's been put in charge of Joey, who's sleepin' right now.

I send another message tellin' her I'm gonna go up and see B in the doctor's office, we'll be in touch, she should be ready to teleport us back to my Aunt's house, and that I'll send another email when we're ready.

She answers that she understands and wishes me luck.

I'm so fuckin' excited, and scared, and worried about B, the possible baby, Vi and Rona. There's so many emotions goin' on in me I can barely keep up with 'em.

When I get to the office, B's face lights up, she says the tests are in but they've been waitin' on me.

The doc comes out and asks us into her office.

She waits until we sit down, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this," Our faces fall and hers brightens. "You're gonna be changing diapers for at least a year in the very near future."

Me and B hug and laugh, and there's a few tears involved in there too. The doc's kinda smilin' and I look over and she gives me a thumbs up.

"Yeah, great bedside manner there, Doc. You do that to your cancer patients, too?"

"Only the really sick ones," She jokes.

Me and B break apart slightly, look at each other and kiss deeply, it's a sweet moment and the doc kinda clears her throat when it gets not so sweet.

We stop kissin' and look over at the doctor. "Sorry," B says all blushy. "How long have I been pregnant, a couple of days?"

I think back to when that was, it was the first night we were together with the penis, damn, I'm pretty good!

The doc picks up the file and looks at the date. "I'd say approximately six weeks."

"Six weeks?" B says puzzled.

How can…six weeks…

"That can't be…" Buffy says quietly.

Fuck right it can't be, I was in a coma six weeks ago.

Her hands tighten around mine and she looks at me.

"Can't be right, Doc. Did you do the test right?"

The doctor looks puzzled, then realizes why we're a bit freaked. I can read it on her face.

"Well, we…we did the test three times to be sure. It's pretty fail…" Her words trail off, or I've tuned her out.

I'm not gonna fuckin' freak out, I'm not gonna fuckin' freak out. I'm gonna hear what she has to say, and I'm gonna let people smarter than me figure this shit out.

I get the stunned look off my face and smile at the doctor.

"Thanks, Doc. We really appreciate it. Sorry, but we gotta jet. When do we have to be back?"

"I'd like to see Buffy in a month, but of course if you have anything you need to discuss, or any concerns, I'm always here."

"Thanks."

I let go of B's hands and get up. She's not movin'.

"Buffy, c'mon, we hafta get back."

"But…six weeks."

"B, let's worry about that later, come with me, ok?"

I take her hand and pull her up outta the chair and we leave the room. She's kinda walkin' absentmindedly, and I gotta keep slowin' down. When we're outside Giles' office she stops altogether.

"Buffy, what the fuck?" She visibly flinches. Shit, I'm in trouble here. I guess I am kinda bothered about it. Kinda the least of our worries right now, but she looks like she's gonna bawl any second. I pull her into the room and shut the door, lockin' it.

"Buffy, honey, I'm sorry, we've gotta jet though." My tone is much softer.

"You think I cheated."

"What?"

"On you, you think I cheated on you while you were in a coma."

"Buffy, did you cheat on me while I was in a coma?"

"NO!!!!!"

"Good, now that's that, right? I'm gonna have Will teleport us back and we'll figure this one out, too. Ok?"

"Ok," She seems a bit more relaxed. But she's still lookin' like she doesn't believe me.

I'm not fuckin' sure what I believe.


	32. Kid Fears

Chapter 32- Kid Fears

We get back to the basement at Aunt Dee's and I feel like I'm gonna start yarkin' myself, and I'm not sure that's just from the teleportin'.

Here goes nothin', time to show the real me.

When we recover from the wooziness I take B's hand in mine.

"How did it go?!" Will says with a smile on her face a mile wide.

Buffy looks hesitant, like she was caught doin' somethin' wrong. My face is stony and blank. She's gonna bawl any second. When I feel her start to pull away I tighten my grip on her hand and bring my other hand over to ensure she ain't goin' nowhere.

"We're pregnant." I smile.

Everyone's quiet and then suddenly, the room erupts into cheers, squeals and laughs. Giles' got a smile on his face but he looks a bit puzzled, we didn't tell him we were tryin'. Dawn comes up and cries her congratulations to us and then gives us each a hug and a kiss. While she's squeezin' the life outta B, I go over to Giles.

"What's the matter there, Grandpa?"

"I…I…" He looks at me all accusing-like. "You knew earlier, when you called me Grandpa."

"Uh huh," I say sheepishly. "I had an idea, but we confirmed it with the Doc at the Academy."

"I'm…I'm…"

"Yeah, speechless, I know." I wink at him.

"I'm so happy for you both." He hugs me in his British way, and then Buffy comes up and he hugs her, too.

Alicia's lookin' at us and she's smilin' then she looks up at the ceilin' and looks like she's talkin' to someone. Wonder if it's Gee Gee, she's tellin' that we're pregnant.

I still don't know how I feel about her, but that right there makes me feel kinda better. I just hope I don't get bit in the ass for doin' it.

After a while I come up with an idea to teleport the gang to just outside, it's dark enough, and this way we don't have to sneak around, we can just say they decided to visit. Aunt Dee makes a huge fuss because she's happy to have people fillin' up the joint, I swear she's never happier than when she's got 600 people crammed into the livin' room.

B's back to bein' Dawn, Will teleported to see Ken, Dawn's grumblin' 'cause she's back to bein' Andy and Andy's lovin' bein' Will. He makes me wonder sometimes.

I'm sent out to make a beer run and Xand volunteers to come with me to help carry.

"So, slick, gonna be a Daddy, huh?" He says when we get in the car. I look over to him and he's got a proud smile on his face. After about two seconds of lookin' in each other's eyes we hug spontaneously. I need it so bad. Still got that fuckin' annoyin' bit of doubt at the back of my head about the six weeks and what it could mean. And it's not all about B possibly cheatin'. Although that fuckin' plays right into my insecurity and I can't help it.

When we pull back Xand sees my face isn't all smiles. His happy look goes to one of concern instantly and for the thousandth time since the fall of SunnyD, I thank the Powers That Be that he's forgiven me. He's become a valuable asset in the effort to keep my sanity in check. He's told me many times, if it ever gets too much, to give him a call before goin' off the deep end. What sucks is we've had to have these sort of chats a lot more times than I would care to admit.

"I can see it in your eyes, Faith. What's up?"

I sigh and start the car, don't wanna keep sittin' in front of the house, I think I saw someone lookin' out. Probably B/Dawn worryin' about what I'm thinkin'.

When we get a couple of blocks away I pull over and switch off the ignition. I grip the wheel and will my stomach to stop churnin' and my fears to get the better of me.

I feel a gentle hand placed on my shoulder and it's almost like a magic stress reliever, the tension is meltin' away.

"The news wasn't entirely happy?" I know he's puttin' that very delicately. 'Cause he'll probably beat me down if I say I don't want a kid right now. He's heard me say how much I'd love to have kids, he's the only one I really talk about it with besides B and Will, and I share stuff with him that I couldn't share with them.

"It was wonderful, Xand. Ya know? Everything I've been talkin' about wantin'."

"So you've had a 'Mr. Meaty' for a while and didn't tell me?"

I laugh at that. Mr. Meaty. He's a fuckin' trip.

"Nah, not a while, and don't got it anymore."

"What happened to it?" He's puzzled, we didn't really talk about the spell with him.

"Fell off." His eyes go wide and I know if it wasn't so dark in here, I'd see his face go white.

"That's my worst nightmare." He looks out the windshield and speaks in a pained whisper. "I had this one dream where it came off in my hand…" He's stopped by my laugh. "Not like that, Faith! Your dirty mind is not welcomed here." He scoffs.

"Sorry, Xand, that was just too easy." I continue laughin'.

"Yeah well, anyway." He sounds annoyed at my laughter. "I was in the shower and soaping things up, and all of a sudden it just…was detached."

"Dude, like that song by King Missile!"

He looks at me confused. "What song?"

"Detachable Penis." I sing the title the way they do in the song.

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that. That was a good one! But…yeah, nightmarish." He chuckles.

"So what did ya do with it?"

"Huh?"

"In your dream, ya know, with the detached penis."

"Oh, I kept having to find places to put it that people wouldn't sit on it or step on it. It didn't occur to me that I should leave it home."

I crack up again. "Xand you're too much, dude."

"So…so yours…man, how big was it?"

I hold up my hand about three inches apart and he chuckles, then gulps as I keep pullin' them apart wider and wider.

"No way!" He says when I stop at about 15 inches apart.

My smile is about as wide and I wink at him.

"Uhhh, my god, uhhhh the Buffster's a strong girl but…kinda little…"

"I'm just yankin' your chain, Xand." I elbow him and he looks relieved. "It was about average."

"But, it just…"

"Yeah, dude, as soon as she was knocked up it fell off."

"Fell off as in you still have it? Where? In a box?"

"Nah, it sort of just vaped."

"Wow, weird."

"Totally, man."

"So, Will did the spell, huh?"

"Yep, it was fuckin' angonizin', lemme tell ya. I had her speed it up."

"How long did it take?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Whoah! It's a wonder you didn't die."

"Kinda wish I did at one point, it was that fuckin' painful."

He looks at me and doesn't say anything. We sit silent for a while.

"So you went through all the pain, only to have doubts of wanting a kid?"

"Damn, dude, I'll always have doubts of that. Ya know, thinkin' I'm not good enough to raise a kid and all."

"I think everyone has those thoughts, you're not alone." He gestures to his face. "Who would want a dad with one eye?"

"What?!" I shove his shoulder. "Dude, you'd be the coolest dad, EVER! And not just because you could tell your kids you used to be a pirate, but because you're a great guy." I pat his leg.

"Thanks, slick." He puts his hand over mine and squeezes. "You see the good in others, why do you never see it in yourself?"

I shrug. Damn, he really knows how to set me up to think differently then how I was just thinkin'.

Forget about Pam, I'll just spill everything to Xand. Heh. Nah, I really need to go to regular sessions with her, wouldn't want to spill all my stuff about my mom and growin' up to Xander. He'd probably run screamin' for the hills.

"That's a question I've got to work out the answer to. But it's not why I'm havin' doubts right now."

"What's up?"

"Well…" Shit, I don't wanna say. Guess I better start out with a disclaimer. "Don't jump to conclusions, alright?" Don't need him hatin' on B. Makes me wanna slap the shit outta him when he gets all judgmental of her, that's _my_ job now. Heh.

"I won't, I promise. Scout's honor." He holds up three fingers in the Boy Scout salute. Dork.

"We saw the Doc and she said B's been pregnant for about six weeks."

He stares at me and after a moment I can see the lightbulb go off.

"Nooooo! You don't think…nooooo! The test must be wrong…right?"

"Dunno yet, we're gonna have to research to find out. But we got more important stuff goin' on."

"Well if it's right there has to be a reason, and we'll get to the bottom of it." He nods confidently.

We're quiet for a bit more and he breaks the silence.

"You're not thinking…"

I shrug again.

"Faith!"

"What?!"

"Don't, ok?! Just don't."

"Dunno what you're talking about, Xand."

"Don't give me that, bull. I know you pretty well now and can tell when you're thinking destructive thoughts, so stop. Buffy would never do that to you."

"I'd like to hope not, and really, I'm not goin' nuts over it, so it's a good sign right?"

"Yes, a very good sign. I'd say it's better than a sign saying 'Free Porn…Really'."

I laugh, "Horndog."

Again we go quiet, he's probably marvelin' at how calm I'm bein' and maybe wonderin' when I'm gonna blow up.

"A penis, huh?"

"You're still thinkin' about that?!" I punch his leg.

"What?! I'm curious."

"About chicks with dicks, huh?" I smirk. "I bet you got a few of those movies on your hard drive right now."

"Well, you coulda filmed it and made a fortune is all I'm sayin'."

"Yeah, and Buffy woulda cut it off."

He shudders at that. "Don't say such horrible things!"

I grin devilishly, "Bobbit."

"Jesus, Faith, cut it out!"

"Am I making 'Mr. Meaty' shrink back into your body for protection?"

"He's been hibernating ever since you said 'it fell off'."

That makes me chuckle, "Sorry, dude."

"S'ok." He shrugs. "So, you still thinking she cheated?"

"Not so much anymore, it was just a little and just in my head. Mostly I wanna find out what's the deal. But ya know somethin'? And don't take this the wrong way…"

"Yeah?" He says nervously.

"If this kid comes out lookin' like you, Mr. Meaty is endin' up on my wall. Like one of those mooseheads people put in their dens."

"Don't even joke!!! You were in a coma, Faith. That's…that's…hey, you have brown hair and brown eyes."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I have brown hair and brown eyes, what if…"

"Nah, I know there'd be other things makin' it look like me. But I was jokin', Xand."

"I know I was just making sure. You never know what could happen in this freaky world we live in. Especially the one _we_ live in, ya know?"

"Yeah, ya got that right." I nod my head and start the car again. "Let's go get liquored up!"

"Woop!" He punches the air.

We drive for a little while and then he says, "Why would you assume it'd be me anyway? Giles and Andrew have certain capabilities too, ya know."

"Man, you're freakin' GROSS!"

We laugh the rest of the way to the store. My heart feels lighter and I feel better about everything.

My man, Xand, is a blessin' to be counted.

* * *

Later on that night while the Scoobs are burnin' the midnight oil researchin' back at the hotel, me and B settle down on Gee Gee's bed, she's been kinda walkin' on egg shells around me, even though I've been tryin' to make her feel at ease.

She's sighin' and I can tell she wants to say somethin' to me, so I break the silence.

"Buffy, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Bullcaca."

She chuckles.

"Spill it, B."

"Six weeks, Faith."

"So? You think _I_ think you'd do that to me?"

"No…" She says unsure, which means she does think I'd think she'd do that to me. "B-but what could it be?"

"Super Slayer baby? Spell gone crazy? I dunno, but we can't worry about that right now. We'll let the Scoobs do their thing tryin' to find Vi and Rona, and we'll do the leg work, then we'll get some guidance with our baby." The 'our' is not lost on her and she sighs relieved. She snuggles in closer and squeezes me tight.

"I love you so much, Faith." I can hear the tears in her voice.

"Love you too, B. But no tears, ok?" I kiss her head and lean back into the pillows more. Damn, I'm tired, it's been a long, crazy and fuckin' hard day.

"Ok…" She starts to burrow into my side but all of a sudden she sits up abruptly and hightails it outta the room. I hear a gasp in the hall and then the bathroom door slam.

"Faith!" Ash is callin' me and I go out into the hallway.

What now?

Jules is pointin' at the door to the bathroom and lookin' like she saw a ghost. I'm guessin' she's the source of the gasp.

"Wh…what's _she_ doin' here? In…in the room…with you…in Dawn's clothes?!"

Ash rushes Jules into her room and says she'll take care of it. I tell her not to threaten Julia and if it looks like she'll go tell to call for me, I gotta go and help B with her yarkin'.

Shit, we gotta get back home so this doesn't keep happenin', but shit, I got stuff to do here and fuck if I'm gonna not let B stay with me.

I go into the bathroom and she's just gettin' done bein' sick. For now.

"Wow, that burrito sure tasted a lot better going down."

Ugh. Nine more months of this kinda stuff?!

What am I sayin'?! I'm gonna love every minute of it! I'm not the one who has to go through it all. Heh.

But still, dude! Burrito! And she _packed_ that sucker with refried beans. I shoulda stopped her, but she pouted and I caved.

She kinda rears up and looks like she's gonna hork again, but her body relaxes. She rests her forehead on her arm and groans.

"Was that Julia I startled in the hallway?"

"Yep."

"Damn, I'm sorry, Faith."

"Again with the sorry's, B?" It's kinda like a runnin' joke with us, especially since she once threatened to beat me to death if I said I was sorry. I stroke her back and kiss the side of her temple. Shit, shouldn't've done that. Caught a wiff of her spew and it makes me wanna gag. I suppress it though, don't need her gettin' all emotional over me smellin' her barf. I reach up and flush the toilet.

"You've been…you're being so…" She's startin' to cry again.

"What, baby?" I stroke her back more, givin' her a squeeze on the shoulders, they're so tense.

She starts bawlin' at that.

"I'm so sorry, Faith…"

"Buffy, stop the sorrys, or you really will be sorry." I laugh.

She cries even harder at that. Fuck, I suck at this shit lately.

"B…what's on your mind, can ya tell me?"

I just wanna make all her hurt go away, and I wanna stop her from stressin', I read somewhere if the mother is stressed durin' the pregnancy there's a high risk the baby could have severe asthma. Damn, I might have to get Will to help with somethin' that'll take the stress away for her.

"I can't even have a normal pregnancy." She hiccups. "And I let Ashleigh see me, and now Julia, who's next?"

"Uncle Sal."

That makes her giggle. "Oh, god Faith, this morning sickness thing is really bad."

"I'm sorry you have to go through it, but I'll be there every step of the way. Ok?"

She stops cryin' as hard and leans back on her haunches. I get up and get her some mouthwash and a cool wash cloth and help her get cleaned up. Once that's all taken care of I sit down and pull her to me.

"Is this gonna be our new 'get together' spot?" She asks in a raspy voice. Must be hurtin' her throat to spew so much.

"Heh. Yeah, we can tell our kids their oldest sibling was born in the bathroom."

B looks at me curiously, then decides against sayin' what she has to say.

She probably wants to ask me how I can be so calm. Or what me and Xander talked about in the car but she doesn't.

"You ready to go back into the room?"

She nods and starts to get up.

"Nah uh, B." I pick her up gently and rest her comfortably in my arms. "I gotcha."

She nuzzles my neck and places little kisses on it. That makes me smile and gives me the good shivers. Before we open the door I call out to Ashleigh. She comes to just outside the door.

"Yeah?"

"Is it all clear?"

"Yep, c'mon out."

B turns the knob and I step back so the door opens. I rush as quick as I can without jostlin' B too much and Ashleigh comes to the door to make sure we're ok.

I place Buffy gently on the bed.

"Is she ok?"

"I'm good." Buffy smiles weakly at Ash. "Thanks for your help, Ashleigh."

"No problem, Buffy. I'm…" She lowers her voice even more. "I'm so glad you guys are still together."

"Me too," B says with a lovin' look at me. I blow her a kiss.

"Ditto for me, that's for fuckin' sure." I smile and Ashleigh scolds me for usin' the F word. House full o' fuckin' hypocrites, but I love it.

"Do you need anything?" Ash asks B.

"Not that I can think of."

"How about some Coke to settle your stomach?"

"That would be great," I answer, "Can you bring up one for me, too?"

"Sure thing."

She rushes off, and I step out into the hall to see Jules come out of her room. She stops and looks at me.

"Hey, Jules, you ok?"

She nods.

"You wanna ask me somethin'?"

She looks curiously at me and then comes to the door of Gee Gee's room.

"You sure Gee Gee knew you two were still together before she died?" She looks deep into my eyes, kinda like she's tryin' to read what's on my brain.

"Yep, we told her what was up while she was with us in New York."

"Good, that's all I wanted to know." She looks in the room and whispers. "Great to have you back Buffy. We were kinda bummed. In like a huge way."

"It's good to be back, Jules. I'm sorry if I can't get up right now." She looks majorly tired.

"Nah, that's cool. I heard you ralphin', so I don't wanna catch what you got." She winks.

I laugh at that. "I'm pretty sure she's not contagious, but it's good to be cautious."

"I wanted to let you know you don't have to worry, me and Ash won't say nothin'." She make the lock sign in front of her lips and crosses her heart.

"I trust ya, Jules. You see or hear anything suspicious and you come tell us, quick, ok?"

"You got it, Faith." She starts to go off and then turns back. "This mean me and Ash can get into that school with Francie?"

I smile, and go to say no, but fuck. Why not?

"We'll see, Jules." I slap her on the back and she flinches. "Admissions are tough though, you two better start crackin' the books."

"Cool!!" She hugs me and waves at B and then rushes off.

I watch her bein' all enthusiastic and shake my head. I wish I had that energy.

Listen to me, old fuckin' bones. I go back in the room and B's smilin' at me.

I smile back at her, "What's that smile for, baby?"

"For you being so wonderful." She puts her arms out. "Come hold me."

"You sure? I don't wanna rock the bed there."

"Nah, I'm feeling pretty ok right now, just tired. It takes a lot out of a girl, this being pregnant with a certain gorgeous slayer's baby."

"Oh, really? So it was like one of the gorgeous slayers at the Academy, huh?"

She narrows her gaze at me. "Don't make me upchuck in your favorite pair of boots."

"Dude, you wouldn't!"

"I so would, now get over here!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

***************

B's been sleepin' for about an hour now, she didn't even make it until Ash could bring her a coke. She was out like a light as soon as she burrowed herself into my side. I've just been playin' with her hair and rubbin' her back and thinkin'. She's a slayer and has strength and fast healin', but throwin' up that much does take a lot outta us.

I did that last year on New Year's. Got completely fuckin' wasted and spent the rest of the party offerin' a sacrifice to the porcelain gods. I think it was Andrew's Tandoori Fish. Xand got him wasted while he was cookin' it, and he musta put somethin' in that wasn't supposed to be in there.

Man I so gotta pee. I had the cokes that Ashleigh brought up for us. I pull myself away from Buffy gently and she grunts a protest. So fuckin' cute.

I manage to get away without wakin' her and kneel down beside the bed as she settles herself into the spot I just left. She's mutterin' in her sleep and kinda laughs, someone must be sayin' somethin' funny in her dream.

Have I said how cute she is in her sleep?

She says my name softly.

Damn. I feel tears spring to my eyes. I take my hand in hers and notice the tan line where her ring should be. I place a kiss on it and then on her lips and let go of her hand. She giggles a little more, whispers "Yes, Faith, yes." then turns over. That makes my heart and pussy clench at the same time and I smile. Even in her sleep I'm givin' it to her good. Heh.

As I leave the room, I take one more look at the bed and mentally slap myself for _ever_ thinkin' she would cheat on me while I was in the coma. I gotta fuckin' grow up.

When I get downstairs Giles is sittin' at the dinin' room table with some of my family, listenin' to their drunken stories and tellin' a few of his own. He was a fuckin' punk!

He catches my eye and nods his head towards the kitchen. I nod at him and make my way in there after sayin' hello to my family.

Giles gestures towards the back door and we go out into the yard.

"What's up, G?"

"Don't be cross, but Xander told me of your concerns…with the baby."

"Yeah?"

Fuck, if he tells me about a night where Buffy was vulnerable and he took her home and things just happened I'm gonna fuckin' string him up in the tree.

"I called Robin Wood. It seems Nikki had him just shy of six months and he was nine pounds, six ounces."

Woah, what?! "Had who? The professor got someone knocked up?"

"What professor?" Giles is puzzled.

I sigh, "Who did Robin knock up?"

"No one, what are you talking about?"

"What're _you_ talkin' about?!"

"I am talking about Nikki Wood, Robin's mother. She had Robin when she was six months pregnant, and he was in no way a premature size."

"Damn, right! Nine pounds six ounces, she probably had to be cut. The dude was huge!"

"Yes, well I made some other inquiries." He catches the look on my face. "Without saying why I was inquiring of course, and I found out some information I thought you would find useful."

Phew. Don't need it known that B's havin' a baby, could get into the wrong circles.

"Ok, what is it?"

"Well, it seems that many recent slayers have had children, and they've all had a normal termed pregnancy, with the exception of a few who, for whatever reason, have had true premature infants."

"Meanin'?"

"Meaning they have not developed to term, and have had to be incubated. Just like any other premature baby."

"And Robin bein' born as big as he was at six months is different." I sit down, straddlin' the picnic table bench.

"Yes, it would seem that he was fully developed, just as a full term baby would be."

"So, what's the theory?"

"We believe it's because during the time that there was only 'one girl in all the world', if she _were_ to get pregnant, her pregnancy would have to be accelerated due to the demon populace getting a leg up while she was out of commission, so to speak."

"You wanna dumb that down for the little people?"

He gets his panties in a wad, "Oh, nonsense, you understood perfectly what I said."

Heh. He got me.

"So what you're sayin', in entirely too many words, is: B's gonna have our kid in fast forward."

"Precisely."

I shake my head and look down. "She's gonna kill me, for really real."

"Why is that?"

"She's gonna be at her _most_ pregnant durin' the _worst_ part of the summer, and she's gonna cry about not bein' able to wear the bikini she got for our postponed honeymoon."

"Yes, well, Buffy's skewed priorities aside, we'll all be anxious for the arrival of such a special child." He smiles all proud like he was doin' in the basement earlier.

That makes me stand up and wrap him up in a bear hug.

His glasses fell off and he's gigglin' like a girl, and it feels so fuckin' wonderful to have such a great support system.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna be a mom in like five months. Less, if the fact that two original slayers makin' the baby makes a difference.

"Hey, G." I put him down and he picks up his glasses and straightens his shirt.

"Yes?"

"You think the scythe spell is the only reason those girls aren't havin' accelerated pregnancies?"

"We would have to research it further, but if I were to take an educated guess, I would say that's precisely the reason."

I chuckle, "Damn, dude, you coulda just said, 'Yes' and it woulda served the same purpose."

"Must you always make fun?"

"Affirmative, my good dear sir, henceforth I shall perchance say, I prithee thou calleth me smartass."

"Precisely." Giles puts his glasses on and puts his arm out for me to take. "Shall we take our leave of the garden, my insubordinate charge?"

"Indeed, my old boned watchman."

I stop him before he starts to walk and pull him down slightly. I give him a gentle kiss to the cheek and thank him for all he's done for me. I know sometimes I pushed him to the brink and while it was for the good of the world most of the time, a lot of the time it's because I wanted to get on his last nerve.

He gets this small smile on his lips and I can see a tear snake down his cheek.

Shit, I better change the subject before he's got me bawlin', too.

"Alicia give up anything useful?"

He clears his throat before talkin', "Yes, indeed." We start walkin' inside. "We'll need to send two teams down to Washington, as soon as possible, though preferably in the day time. There's less of a chance of running into the vampire community."

"Awesome, when do I go?"

He stops walkin'.

"Faith, I think it's best in Buffy's condition you didn't go."

"Huh?"

"I said…"

"Heard what ya said, G, and I said what the fuck are ya smokin'?"

"You shouldn't be involved in this mission."

"Giles, you just said Buffy's the one with the condition, she shouldn't be involved. Why can't I go?"

"It's dangerous."

"Never stopped me before." I shrug.

"You'd do that to her? Upset her by rushing off to and almost certain death?"

"And if we send these other girls, what does that say about us? We can dish it but we can't take it?"

"Faith, you have to start looking at yourself as the leader you are. Not all Generals go into the battle, they have to stay out of the fray to make the decisions."

"Atilla the Hun do that?"

"He was off his nut."

"And that's different than me how?"

"You're completely sane, with a slightly skewed way of viewing yourself. As the head of this particular operation, I forbid you to go."

I shake my head. "You really need to brush up on dealin' with stubborn kids, man."

"How's that?"

"You should have agreed with me about goin' and then gently suggested that B would be here all alone worryin', and I woulda yelled at you for allowin' me to go."

It's his turn to shake his head. "Why didn't I retire after Sunnydale?"

"You can't live without me."

"I wonder how I ever managed."

I crack up and he sighs and we go inside.

I wonder how I'm gonna get down to DC without anyone knowin'.


	33. Bumpin'

Chapter 33- Bumpin'

When I get back up to the room B's still sleepin' like an absolute angel. She must be uncomfortable in those clothes though, so I get out an over sized t-shirt and a fresh pair of underwear for her. She likes to change those about twice a day. Go figure.

Probably because I keep feelin' her up constantly and they get over moisturized. Heh. What can I say? I've got roamin' hands.

I try to be really gentle, but the movement of me tryin' to get her undressed wakes her up.

"Huh? Wha-what's up?"

"Shhh, go back to sleep, honey. I'm just tryin' to make you more comfortable."

"Mmmm that's sweet. I was having a really great dream about you by the way."

I smile at her and give a wiggle of the brows. "Oh really? You lil' minx. I heard you gigglin' and callin' my name in your sleep." I sit on the bed and she sits up.

She's got that shy smile on her face. God damn, what she does to me with one look, it's fuckin' unreal. My heart is poundin' and I'm gonna start sweatin' like a pig any minute.

As I lean in for a kiss she gets a pained look on her face. Oh fuck, not again.

"I need to pee. Can you get me to the bathroom, without me being spotted?"

"Sure thing." Phew, at least she's not gonna spew.

"Do you think I can take a shower, too? I feel like I need one really bad."

"Sure, B. You need anything else? Somethin' to eat?" Oh, shit, why did I have to say that? She's probably still feelin' queasy.

"Maybe. Possibly after the shower, and how about a tooth brush?"

"Think I got an extra one in my bag, lemme see." I rummage around in my bag lookin' for the extra toothbrush I have, I forgot I had left one here the last time, so B can have the new one I bought. "Whatta ya think ya might wanna eat? I can get it ready while you shower."

"Well, I was kinda thinking…" She stops and cocks her head at me with a little smile on her lips.

I'd know that smile anywhere, it's her 'I feel like gettin' some but I don't wanna ask outright' smile.

"What were ya thinkin', B?" I like to get her to say it, I'll never get enough of that shy embarrassed smile that she gets.

"I was thinking…maybe you could help me?"

"With those hard to reach places?" I wiggle the brows again. She nods. "Sure thing, B."

I sneak her outta the room and into the bathroom, I get our towels ready while she relieves her bladder. Don't wanna draw attention to her pissin'. 'Cause even though we've been together a while and we've done stuff that would make people in porn blush, she still gets a bit shy about herself and her bodily functions. Damn, she really did have to go, she's pissin' like a race horse. Thank god we weren't spotted in the hall.

Everyone's asleep so we don't have to sneak so much, but at least now we've got less of a chance of runnin' into people. Uncle Jim and Aunt Dee have their own bathroom, Leah and Kara are in the basement, and the other two girls know we're together and they'll help if we get into a sticky situation.

After she's finished I help take off her things and get her into the shower, then I strip and join her. We love our shower time together, it's not only relaxin', but it's sexy, and wet and soapy. Heh.

"So, I had a talk with Giles earlier, while you were sleepin'." I say as I pile her wet hair on her head and pour some shampoo in it. I start massagin' it into her scalp and she takes the bottle from me so I can use both hands.

"Yeah? What did he say? Mmmmm, Faith that feels soooo good!"

"No, he said: 'Harder, Faith, yes, oh more, oh dear lord, yes!'" I grin and wait for it.

"Shut up, Faith! You know I was talking about the scalp massage."

"Yeah, I know, I just couldn't resist."

"You never can." She scoffs.

I reach around and soap up a nipple and her breath catches in her throat. She moans as I tweak it in between my thumb and forefinger. I've still got my other hand massagin' her scalp a bit and I move her head slightly to the side to plant a kiss on her neck.

"Nope," I mumble into her skin. "Never can…never wanna." I nibble at her neck and she leans back into me and sighs.

Shit, I almost forgot what I needed to tell her.

"B…"

"Later, Faith. I want you _now_."

Oh, fuck. Can't resist that. That right there has my heart pumpin' blood like triple time and it's all flowin' south to my newly restored crotch.

She turns around in my arms and starts rinsin' the shampoo outta her hair, it makes her arms stretch up and leaves her girls open and vulnerable. Her nipples are so fuckin' hard it's like they're two bullets pointin' at me and callin' my bluff. So I fuckin' give 'em what they want.

I bend down and take one in my mouth. Buffy had her eyes closed so she's startled when she feels my warm, wet mouth on her hard nipple. She stops rinsin' her hair and puts her hands in mine to steady herself.

I pull back and smile at the other breast, 'It's your turn girlie' I think and right before I take her other nipple into my mouth, I look down and catch a glimpse of somethin' I've never seen on Buffy before. She's got a pooch.

Holy fuckin' shit, it's real!

My shock at seein' her belly comin' out makes me stand up quick and I bump her chin with my hard ass head.

Fuck, that hurt!

"Owwww, Faithh! Dou bupped ny thin an mayme bye my ptounge."

I pout at her and hold my skull, 'cause she's got a pretty strong chin. Fuckin' deceptive she is. She looks all small and fragile, but she's really built like a fuckin' brick reinforced, two foot thick walled, armored fuckin' tank. That's gonna leave a lump.

Lump. Bump.

I give her a quick kiss on her achin' mouth to hopefully make it feel a bit better, then I get down on my knees in front of her.

She's silent for a second, probably wonderin' what the fuck I'm doin' tryin' to go down on her while she's in so much pain, but I kiss her stomach gently a few times and then I feel her hand in my hair pullin' me in closer, holdin' me to her stomach.

She knows what I'm doin'.

I'm sayin' hey to our little one that's growin' inside her. I wrap my arms around her waist and press my cheek to her belly, listenin' to the grumbles and the groans. Heh. Sounds funny; she's probably mega hungry by now.

We stay like that for a few more moments and then I kiss her belly again, whisperin' to it as I go along plantin' kisses. B's squirmin' a little, this's gotta be givin' her mega tickles, but she doesn't say nothin' about 'em. Probably doesn't wanna spoil the moment. She loves these moments and I've come to love 'em, too.

"What're you saying, honey?"

"Shhh, B. Me and the little one are conversin'." I speak to her stomach again in a loud whisper this time. "That's your Mommy, she's sooooo nosey. You'll wanna put a lock on your door real quick."

Buffy snorts laughin' and she tries to pull me up.

"Wait, B! I haven't kissed the bump enough."

"Bump? Is it really getting that big?"

Pullin' back I settle my hand on her stomach and she looks down at the curve it illustrates.

"Oh, my god, I'm huge already! What the hell is going on?! Aliens?!"

Oh shit!! I forgot to tell her. Jesus Christ, we're usually always together when we hear news these days, that I keep forgettin' she wasn't with me when I spoke to Giles.

I get up from my kneelin' position. Carefully this time so I don't hurt her or me again.

"Buffy, no! Shhh, ok? Shhhh! First of all, you'll wake people. Second of all, I talked to Giles, he said Robin's mom had Robin when she was only six months pregnant. He was born three months early and was still over nine pounds."

Her eyes get that confused Buffy look to 'em, then she gets all freaked, but tries to control it.

"Oh my god, Faith!" She whispers loudly. "If I carry our baby to term, I'm gonna have the Jolly Green Giant!"

That makes me laugh.

"How can you laugh?! They're gonna have to cut me open…" Her eyes go wide. "Wha-what happens if I'm carrying twins…no trip…quadruplets!"

"We've got a good start on a Women's Hockey team." I shrug. "Provided they're all girls."

"I can't believe you're joking!"

"Buffy, will you listen? Stop jumping to conclusions, ok?"

She gets a bit pissed and starts angrily finishin' her shower. I wash in no time flat so I don't get left in here by myself. I still have to let her know what's up and I still plan on babyin' her.

I finish before she does and get out and get my towel. While I'm dryin' myself I notice she's stopped washin', she's got her hand on her stomach and she's cryin'.

What the fuck?! I put my towel on the toilet cover.

"Buffy, don't freak!"

"B-but…I said… I can't have a n-normal pregnancy and…" She starts snoopy tearin'. "And I CAN'T!" Her voice gets that blown out quality to it. God damn, those ragged sobs she does cut me to my core every time.

I reach in and shut the taps, pull her outta the shower and wrap her in her towel. We both jump when we hear a knock on the door.

"Faith, is that you in there?"

"Yeah, Aunt Dee," I say in a teary-type voice.

"Awww, honey, I _thought_ I heard cryin'." Her voice shows she's concerned. "Don't cry, ok? Ma's in a better place."

Fuck, that really makes me wanna cry for real. So I do.

"Aunt Dee, I'll be ok…alright? I just need some time." I sit down on my towel that's on the toilet seat cover, placin' Buffy on my lap. She hugs me tight to her and kisses the top of my head. Her alien baby forgotten, all because I'm cryin' for my Gee Gee.

"You sure?" Aunt Dee says worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"You need anything?"

I go to say no and B stops me by puttin' her hand over my mouth. She leans down and whispers in my ear.

"I-I am kinda hungry, do ya mind makin' me pancakes?"

"Sure, honey, sure. I'll make ya pancakes. Whatever you want. Ya want sausage or bacon or somethin', too?"

I look up at B and she looks like she's thinkin' about it, then it looks like she thinks better of it and shakes her head.

"Nah, the pancakes'll be fine."

"Ok, I'll bring 'em up to you when they're done. How's that sound?"

"Sounds real good. Thanks so much, Aunt Dee."

"Don't even think about it. You've been such a help around here, it's the least I can do. I'll be right back, are you sure you're gonna be ok?"

"I'll be fine, really."

"Good. Be right back."

"Kay."

We wait until we hear Aunt Dee go down the steps, then B stands up and I finish wrappin' her up in the towel. I wrap myself up and go out into the hall makin' sure there's no one else that don't know about us out there.

"All clear, B." I whisper and we rush back to Gee Gee's room.

After we're done towelin' off and gettin' ready for bed, Buffy hides in the closet as Aunt Dee comes back with the pancakes.

"I know how much you like to eat, so I made extras. I brought some of that fresh fruit your Aunt Katie brought over."

"How's she doin'?"

"She's doin' ok, considerin', ya know?"

"She stayin' here?"

"No, she went over to stay with Francie and your Uncle John. I can't believe that about Tommy."

"Yeah, that's freakin' freaky, I still haven't had time to process it all."

"Me neither, I mean I hated the scumbag, but who'd have thought he'd be dead just like that?"

I shrug.

"Well, I'll let you get to it, your pancakes are gettin' cold. You need me let me know, ok? I mean it, anytime of the day or night."

"Thanks again, Aunt Dee."

"You're welcome, like I said, you've been a big help around here, I don't know what I would have done without you durin' this whole thing." She comes over and we hug. "I'm so glad you're back, Faith. You have no idea."

"I think I've got an idea, Dee. It's the same one about me bein' glad to be back."

We hug a little harder for another moment, and then she wishes me a good night and leaves.

B comes out of the closet as I'm lockin' the door. Heh.

"Comin' out of the closet again, B?"

She gives me an annoyed look.

"What?"

"You and your jokes tonight are not amusing me, ya know."

"Awww, come here, baby. Sit on Faithy's lap and lemme feed ya."

She smirks. She can't resist when I'm bein' all soft and she loves when I call myself Faithy, 'cause it's so not me it's funny!

I reach out to her and she comes over and sits on my lap, but she's not entirely relaxed. I know if I say one thing wrong she's jettin' to the bed and gonna turn her back on me.

As I think of what I'm gonna say, I absent mindedly rub my hands over her skin. Smoothin' the area of her inner thigh. Her breath hitches in her throat.

I stop what I'm doin' 'cause we have to talk and I don't want this to just be about sex. Plus, she needs to eat.

"So, did you get what I was sayin' about Robin and his mom?"

"He was born huge."

That sentence was a little clipped. She's still kinda jealous about me and Robin, but I dunno why. It's not like it's ever gonna happen between me and him again. I don't call attention to it 'cause I don't want another fight or even an almost fight.

"Yes, but it's the premature part that's the key. Ya see, Giles and some of the others think that because there was only one girl in all the world protectin' it against demony bastards, then if she got knocked up the Powers would speed up the pregnancy…"

The lightbulb goes off.

"So that she wouldn't be out of commission for six months. It would be more like three, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, that is if her wife let her be _in_ commission."

"I knew you wouldn't let me do anything ever again!"

"Buffy…"

"I told you didn't I?!"

She goes to get up and I stop her.

I make a decision.

"Would you just stop before I spank you!"

She huffs, but stops tryin' to get away. "You'd like that, you pervert. Beating on a helpless pregnant woman."

"Pregnant, yes." I kiss her shoulder. "Helpless, never."

That gets her to relax more into me.

"So, lemme explain, ok?"

"Ok."

"It's not like I wanna put you in harm's way, and I definitely wanna keep you out of it. But just like not bein' able to wait for the perfect time to do anything, shit will keep happenin' that'll make us hafta react to it."

"Right."

"So, I say let's head the shit off, before it starts happenin'. Right?"

"What're you talking about?"

"Giles also said they're gonna be sendin' a coupla teams down to DC. Alicia gave them some solid intel on that Senator's aide."

"Yeah, and?"

"I think me and you should get down there and check it out."

She turns more towards me and looks at me like I'm crazy, then she kisses me.

"Really?!" She says pullin' back from the kiss. "You're kidding right?!"

"Why would I kid about that, B?"

"Because I'm pregnant, and you'd never let me lift a finger, least of all to slay. Would you?!"

"Look, I know I'm a bit over-protective of ya. But the way I figure, I wanna get down there and get in the fray, and to do that I'd have to lie to you and everyone else. So, in order to get into it, I gotta take you with me. 'Sides, we're still kinda on our honeymoon." I wink at her.

She's still lookin' at me with a big smile on her face, and then it gets softer, but I can tell she's still pleased.

"You're brave, you know that?"

"I guess."

"Brave and crazy."

"You know it, baby!" I laugh.

"But I love that about you, and you're definitely not going anywhere without me."

"Of course not, why would I?" I wink.

"So, how would we do this?"

"I'm sure Will could cook us up somethin'. Teleport, glamour, ya know, stuff." I shrug.

She giggles, "I love how you plan."

"Hey, you're plan girl, not me. I'm get in, get out…"

"Get in…get out…IN…OUT…IN…OUT" She mimics holdin' onto someone's hips and thrustin'.

BRAT!

"You're such a brat." I laugh and pinch her thighs.

"Ow, you keep hurting me." She pouts.

"Stop poutin' or I'm not feedin' ya."

That makes her pout some more and I laugh.

After the pancakes are gone and I'm satisfied she doesn't need to rid herself of them just yet, we ninja it over to the bathroom for the last minute pee/teethbrushin' stuff before we turn in.

When we get back in bed, Buffy's on me in an instant. She's pushin' me down and kissin' her way down my stomach.

"No, baby. Come back up here." I tug on her shoulders and stop her from makin' her way down.

"Why?"

"'Cause you just brushed your teeth and I ain't playin' lookout after we're done, I'm passin' right out."

She chuckles. "Faith, giving up oral in favor of passing out? Let me go get the video camera!"

"I ain't givin' up sex, though!" I pull her to me and switch our positions, bein' mindful of her stomach.

A couple more awkward moments as I try to fit myself between her thighs without crushin' her belly and I've got a good lock on her clit. She was just chucklin' at my effort to not crush and now she's gaspin'.

Yeah, that's right, B. The lil' minx is horny.

She locks me in by wrappin' her legs around my waist and I fall forward, proppin' myself up on my hands. We kiss passionately.

Oh, man, I forgot to do the silence spell. I hear Buffy mutterin' somethin' and it's all fuckin' sexy but I don't hear what she's sayin'.

I lean down a little more to catch it. Heh. The silence spell, great minds think alike, and at the same time apparently.

She captures my lips again and we're just moanin' and groanin' into each other's mouths. When she starts suckin' on my tongue, that's my cue for my head to pop off.

I can't help but grind more into her and she pulls me down fully onto her.

She gasps out, "Oh, fuck…yes!" As I snake my hand down to her pussy and gently enter her with two fingers, I love feelin' her spasms around my fingers as she comes. I take her other hand in mine and bring two of her fingers to my mouth, suckin' them inside, the different sensations are playin' on our horniness and we grind our centers together slowly, just feelin' each other come, makin' the sensations last.

I want it to last forever 'cause I dunno how long I'm gonna get to be on top like this for, she could be 5 months pregnant by next week. Who knows? And this is my favorite position, 'cause I get to be dominant, and I get to touch everywhere and look deeply into her eyes while she's comin' for me.

Yeah, it doesn't suck.

"Mmmm, that was just what I needed. Thank you." She gasps out when we finish.

I let go over her fingers, "Why're you always, thankin' me for that, B? It's not like I don't get anything out of it." I pant a chuckle.

"'Cause I like to be polite and thank you for blowing my mind." She laughs.

She's a nut. I snuggle into her and pull up the covers over us.

Damn, I'm so sleepy. I drift off with her nibblin' at my neck and tellin' me she loves me.

*****

I wake up to kisses and nibbles at my back. Shit how long was I out? I crack an eye open and the light is kinda blindin'. Must be mornin'.

"Mmm, B?"

"MmmHmm. You getting up?"

I hum out a reply, hopefully she'll take that exactly how it means. 'No fuckin' way'.

All of a sudden I hear a quick knock and the door open. Fuck, we forgot to lock it after we brushed our teeth!

B ducks under the covers lightnin' quick, which leaves my upper back exposed, good thing I wasn't lyin' on my back.

"Faith?!" Aunt Dee's fuckin' spooked. She knows someone's under the covers with me. At least I'm under them partially.

"What's up?" I can't play this any other way than dumb.

"Who's…don't tell me…I don't wanna know…" She's rooted to the spot and trying to bore a hole through the covers. "Is that who I think it is?! In my mother's bed?! You're with your ex's sister, and you lied!"

She thinks it's Dawn. I look at the covers that B's hidin' under and I smirk and lay my head back down on the pillow, I'm too tired to care why we gotta hide the fact we're together anymore, at least from my family. I pull the covers away from B's head as I'm burrowin' back into my pillow.

Aunt Dee gasps.

"H…wha…Buffy?!"

"Hey, Aunt Dee."

"Hi honey! Wait! What's goin' on here? Faith, get your lazy ass up!" I feel a shirt bein' tossed onto my head.

Buffy pulls the covers over me and I turn over. Grumblin' about havin' to get up. I was just fine with them hashin' it out while I slept.

"What's goin' on here?!"

Ashleigh and Jules come up behind Aunt Dee.

"Mornin' Faith. How you feelin' Buffy?" Jules asks.

"Whatta ya mean, 'How's she feelin'? You mean to tell me I'm the last to know somethin' in my own house?"

"No, Ma, just not the first." Ash says with a smirk.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Ashleigh. I want answers! You two strunzes get downstairs and start the coffee."

"You want answers or you want us to start the coffee?" Fuckin' Jules, always the smart ass.

"Julia, I will tell that little boy you've been seeing that you used to go behind the furnace," Jules' face is ashen and the smile is wiped clean. "Now get down stairs and make coffee!"

Ash and Jules run down without another word so they're not in the line of fire anymore.

Aunt Dee looks at B, "And you. You're cheatin' on that _Kennedy_ now?"

B's face is a muddle of laughter, embarrassment and horror. I finish gettin' my shirt on and pull a pair of shorts off the seat of the chair next to the bed.

"Aunt Dee, we'll explain everything, ok? Just let us get dressed!"

"You better explain it all! Be down in five minutes, you hear me?!"

"Got it." Sheesh, she's a fuckin' tyrant.

"Don't 'Got it' to me, you're lucky that wasn't Dawn. I would have shaved your head bald for lyin' to me!"

"But I didn't, and uhhh well yeah, we sorta did, but we'll explain, ok?!"

"I'll be waitin' downstairs." She gives me the stink eye to make sure I know she means business, then leaves the room.

"Well, that went well." B sighs out.

"Yeah, she's really happy for us."

"You think so?"

"'Course, she couldn't stand us bein' apart."

Buffy laughs. "It's good to be loved. Huh?" She sits up and her chest is exposed when the sheet falls off.

"Oh, yeah, baby. Real good." I slink up to her on the bed and bend down placin' small kisses around her nipple before suckin' it into my mouth. "Mmmmm, real good."

She sighs and threads her hands through my hair. "How much are you gonna tell her?"

"'Nuff." I say a little garbled by the nipple in my mouth.

"Are you gonna tell her about the baby?"

That makes me smile. Our baby. I reach down and give her tummy a rub, then I let go of her nipple and lean down more to kiss her bump. Our bump. Heh.

"Yeah, if that's ok with you." I place a few more kisses on her stomach and B laughs.

"It's perfectly perfect with me."

"She's gonna kill us about the weddin' though."

"I know, so let's be sure to tell her about the baby first."

"Right, so she only kills me and then waits until you give birth and fawns over the baby, then kills you."

"Exactly."

I tickle her and she begs me to stop or she's gonna barf.

That gets me stoppin' and I realize she's got new ammo. It's not just 'Stop or I'm gonna pee" anymore.

And that's perfectly perfect with me.

*****

"So, this 'calling' you were chosen for it?"

"Yeah,"

"By who?"

"The Powers That Be,"

"And who are they?"

"Powers," I say.

"That Be." B adds helpfully.

"Woah, girls. Wait." Dee puts her hands in her hair. "This is a bit much."

"Sorry, Aunt Dee. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, no." She picks her head up and holds up her hand. "You should have said. No, I'm ok with it. I think. It's just a lot to process, ya know?"

"Yeah, tell us about it."

"And Francie's a Slaygirl?"

Heh.

"Yeah, we're called Slayers." I say.

"Cool like Van Helsing!" Jules says.

"No, Van Helsing's a bitch, and he's not real. We are."

"Dracula ain't real, and he's pretty cool." Ash says and B looks away blushin'. I snort.

"What?" Aunt Dee caught the look. "Don't fuckin' tell me Vlad the Impaler is real?!"

I nod.

"Oh, I gotta sit down."

"You're sittin', Ma."

"Then you sit! Everyone just sit!!"

We look at each other and shrug but we take our seats.

After a few minutes of silence Aunt Dee looks like something dawns on her.

"You got weddin' pictures?"

I nod.

"And a video," Buffy says cheerfully.

"You owe me bigtime." Dee points at me all accusin' like.

"I know."

"But you're lucky Ma was in on it or I woulda really been pissed. Ashleigh, go get the Danish and stuff from the kitchen, I'll make some breakfast, Buffy looks like she's starvin'."

"I am a little hungry." B says pattin' her stomach.

"After I cook you'll have to tell me all about _how_ you managed that, yeah?" She points to B's stomach.

"You'll never believe it, Dee."

"Try me." She says as she goes into the kitchen.

*****

"I don't believe it!!"

"Believe it."

"You can't…I forbid it!"

"G, you can't stop us, we're goin'."

"Faith, we had a deal."

"We had nothin' of the sort, G. You had a deal in your head."

Giles looks to Buffy for some sort of help.

"Sorry, Giles, I agree with Faith on this one. We need to go down there and stop what's going on."

"Just like that. And…and…without any regard to your friends, your family…" He looks at her stomach as she walks up to put her hand on his shoulder. "Your baby."

"Don't bring the innocent into this, G-man."

"I bloody well will!" He yells then instantly settles down when he sees our startled faces. "Oh, hang it all. Do what you want, you always do anyway. Why do I even bother?" He gets up and goes to the fireplace.

Buffy looks at me tryin' to figure out what's goin' on. We knew he'd be upset with us, but we've thought of a way for Buffy to be completely safe, and Willow assured us she could do the spell, so that's all set.

We can see Giles takin' out his handkerchief and wipin' at his eyes.

Shit, he's worried. So worried about not bein' able to see this kid if anything happens to Buffy, it's got him all busted up.

I nod to B and gesture that she should go to him. She does but doesn't know what to do, she's worried about puttin' her hand on him and upsettin' him even further.

"Giles…"

"I'll be ok."

"What do you want us to do?" I can tell she's got tears in her eyes. "They're our friends, our colleagues, they were taken in the line of duty. A duty we set them out to do."

He hangs his head.

"A duty that's part of a calling that _you_ showed us was worth being a part of." She settles her hand on his arm. "We can't quit now, and you know we're the best ones for this particular job." Her voice sounds more confident, less shaky. "I promise," She says quieter, "You'll get to see your grandchild."

Damn, that has me sparkin' a tear.

Giles sobs out and spins around gatherin' Buffy into a decidedly un-British hug. Damn, I knew he had it in him, but I never thought he'd bust it out.

I'm smilin' like a nut and he notices me, he gestures me over. "Keep each other safe, and I'm counting on you, Faith, to keep Buffy and the little one out of harm's way."

"Always, G. Always." I put my arms around both of 'em and lift 'em up, huggin' tight.

"I've got incantations that would bring you back from whatever grave you were in and give you holy hell."

Damn, G's fuckin' scary when he wants to be. And I love it.

"Now, let me teleport to Willow and see what you'll need." He says as we break from the lovefest. All back to bein' stuffy and British.

And I love it.


	34. Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now

Chapter 34- Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now

"So this spell, it's foolproof?" I rub the rapidly growin' bump that used to be Buffy's flat belly.

"Well, nothing's _foolproof_, Faith." Will catches the look on my face. "B-but I would say yes. Absolutely! 100% foolproof!"

"You're sure." I narrow my eyes a little more at her.

She's got a huge smile on her face and doesn't waver, "Yep!"

"Good." If she says so, then she says so. "We have 'faith' in you, Will." She snorts and I wink at her and then give Buffy a kiss. She smiles at me thankin' me for the kiss and my heart pangs. Feels fuckin' wonderful.

I look over at Will and blow her a kiss to, she's done so much for us, and still does so much, without much bitchin' either. I know I put a lot in her hands, but she's capable of a lot and she knows how important havin' this baby is to us. She also knows that goin' on this mission, aside from bein' completely nuts, will ensure the future for our child as well as any other kid on the planet.

We've had some intel that if these fuckers aren't eradicated and I do mean _eradicated_, they're gonna bring about the end of the world. I mean, yeah, I know right? Same shit different apocalypse, but this one is pretty big, and we're even callin' in the cavalry from Europe. Not all of them of course, just in case there's a trap. Everyone senses that this is major. There's already been grumblin's from the current hellmouths around the world. Of which there are now three, the one in Cleveland, the one in D.C. and another in Uzbekistan.

We've been camped out at the Academy for a couple of weeks. After I took care of some estate things for my Gee Gee, and helped Aunt Katie with my dad's stuff, we came back down here to get ready for our mission.

Right now we're sittin' in the 'War Room', which is really a conference room just off of Giles' office, goin' over some last minute stuff.

"Willow, will you tell my sister and her wife that we should go over that map for the Senate offices again, please?"

Dawn's hella pissed at me and B. She hasn't looked at us, except with major contempt, or spoken to us directly in about a week. It took her about that long to realize that her shriekin' at us not to go on this mission wasn't gonna work, so she finally gave up. But she's still not done givin' us hell about it.

"Dawn, we can hear you, ya know?" Buffy says with a huff. "And you're right; I think it's good to go over the map again, thanks for suggesting it." She looks at her sister and gives her a smile.

Dawn is still lookin' at Willow and turns her head, all beady eyed and hatin' on B and sticks her tongue out.

Fuckin' Brat!!!

"DAWN!" I jump up and everyone flinches, except the brat. "Can I see you in Giles' office?! NOW!"

She stares at me for what seems like thirty minutes. I can see the disgust in her eyes and bitter taste she's got in her mouth.

If looks could fuckin' kill…yeah, you know the rest. But I've been here before. Stared death down it's ugly fuckin' face too many times to count, and I'll be damned if I'm lettin' this little pipsqueak, even though she's taller than me, treat Buffy like that. I don't care how crazy she thinks we are.

It's just not happenin'. This shit's gone on long enough.

She finally pushes her chair out from the table violently and stomps off to the office. I look at everyone else and mutter a sorry and start to leave. Buffy takes me by the hand stoppin' me.

"Go easy on her, she loves us, she's just scared."

I smile sadly at her, "I know, B. I know." I give her a quick kiss and leave the room, closin' the door behind me. I can hear them start to go over the map again.

When I get in the office and close the door, she whips around facin' me. 'Murder, her.' Her face says.

Shit, I said Summer's women could fuckin' have their own army. I feel like shittin' my pants right about now, but I'm crazy, so the juiced feelin' I have is winnin' out, and I wanna jump right into the fray.

"Before you start yellin' at me, Dawnie, I wanna say I'm sorry."

"For being an utter assfaced liar?!"

"What'd I lie about?"

"You told me one time that you'd never again put Buffy in harm's way, on purpose! YOU LIED!" She looks me in my eyes, borin' a hole into my soul.

I remember that conversation. It was right after me and B got together. Dawnie was all for it, but she remembered the time when I went crazy and tried to fuck B over and kill her friends. She particularly hated the part where I punched Joyce in the face, so she made me promise that I would never do that again. That if things were goin' bad between me and B, I'd come talk to her, or Xand or Willow, or anyone that could help me out of what would obviously be a very fuckin' black mood. She was worried for both of us, but with my track record, anyone could be in danger.

I hated that she had to have that talk with me, but I respected her a ton for doin' it. She loves her sister and their friends, which are really their family, and she wanted to make sure no one, especially not someone who had already fucked 'em over, was gonna fuck 'em over. Again.

She also made me promise I wouldn't let Buffy put herself in a situation where she was sacrificin' herself for the world, she'd done that so many times, and twice fatally and it made her fear for B's life even more than she already did. I understood, so I promised.

Dawn's still borin' a hole into the back of my skull through my eyeballs and I wanna look away, fall at her feet and beg for her forgiveness, but me and B are right and I have to stand our ground.

"I know what I told ya, D. And I'm not changin' that, I'm just tellin' ya that I'll make sure, on my life, that I won't let anything happen to your sister and your niece…or nephew." I smile to try and ease the tension and she hauls off and slaps my face.

FUCK! I know I'm a slayer and she's not, but she was made from Buffy's essence, and lemme tell ya, Buffy's essence is no fuckin' slouch. That shit hurt!!

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" She's holdin' her hand and checkin' to see if she broke it. "Your face is like a rock." She shakes it out and checks it again. I take her hand in mine pullin' it towards me, and she watches with fascination to see what I'll do next. I bring it to my face and give her palm a soft kiss lettin' it linger.

The next moment I feel her other hand in my hair, and I hear a sob from her. Poor Dawnie. I gather her in my arms and let her cry it out. She's not done hatin' on me though, 'cause she tries to push me away a coupla times before lettin' herself hug me for all she's worth.

"I know, Dawnie, I know. I promise, I'll keep her safe."

"It's not just her I'm worried about, Faith." She wails.

"I know, D. The baby'll be safe, too. I promise. I swear on my life."

"You're so dumb, you know that?"

What the fuck? She's gotta insult my intelligence? I know I'm not the smartest person in the world or even in this room, but I fuckin' know what I'm doin' when it comes to slayin'.

"I'm worried about you, too, Faith!!!" She cries harder.

Oh.

"Hey, hey, Dawnie. C'mon, don't be like that, I'm not worth it."

OW!!! She fuckin' stepped on my foot, HARD!

"What the fuck was that for?!"

"You ARE worth it, Faith!" She sobs. "Stop being such a bitch to yourself! I hate when you do that!"

Damn, my toe might be broken. Her and those fuckin' boots that make her look six feet tall. I mean they're sexy and all, but they're also deadly.

"Uh, sorry, Dawnie, but the only one bein' a bitch to me here, is you. And I think you broke my foot."

"Oh, stop being such a baby!" She pulls away and looks down at my foot. Her face gets softer and she looks concerned. "Did I really break it?"

"Well, bruised my toe a little." I pout.

She laughs, "You're such a dork!" That makes me pout even more. "Oh, no, not 'Faith pouts' they're almost as bad as Buffy's!"

I pout even more.

"Will you stop, or do I hafta tickle ya?!" Heh. That makes me smile. "See, what a pretty girl." She's talkin' to me like I'm two.

We laugh together for a few minutes.

After the laughter dies down she sighs and looks at me and I can still see how frightened for us she is. Damn, I just wanna tell her that we're not gonna go anywhere, that me and B'll stay put and never leave again. But I can't do that, we're the best qualified for this particular mission, and if we fail, it's no use in bein' alive. Everyone who isn't already dead, will wish they were.

What we found out in the last two weeks was these fucker's plan on ringin' in the death and destruction with a treasure trove of dirty bombs as their appetizer. Yeah, they're not your garden variety, 'I'm just gonna open up the gates of hell and let my buddies out' demons, they mean fuckin' business.

Thing is though, they got someone powerful, maybe a shaman gone bad, that's helpin' 'em to hide the bombs with magic. If we went and tipped off the government, they'd think we were nuts. They still think B's a minute away from terrorizin' the country. If they only knew how many times she saved its sorry ass, they'd fuckin' anoint her Queen.

That's ok, though, she's my Queen, and you bet I make her feel like one every day.

"Dawn, you know we hafta go, don't you?"

She gives me a sad look.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't give you hell about it."

"Exactly, you can give _me_, hell about it. I'll let you pound my face, or my feet, for hours. But I can't have ya upsettin' Buffy, I don't want her stressin' any more than she already is."

"You're always defending her!!"

Is she fuckin' nuts? My eyes narrow at her and suddenly she wraps me up in a hug and whispers a thank you in my ear.

"Dawn, you'll be the fuckin' death of me."

"Oh, no, that'll be your precious offspring. I can only imagine! Yours and Buffy's attitude and energy and feistiness? I'm just gonna sit back and watch the fireworks." She smiles big. It's good to see her happy again, I can't stand when she or Buffy cry. I guess it's a thing with the ladies I love, 'cause I hate when Will cries, too. Come to think of it, when Giles or Xander cries it gets to me, also. Andy not so much, 'cause that little fucker is always cryin' and half the time it's 'cause of me. What can I say? I like to taunt.

"I know, right?! You get to be the cool Aunt and me and B'll have to be the bad guys."

She looks at me and her smile turns to concern. "Speaking of the bad guys, did you tell Buffy about the new player who's entered into the mix?"

"Nah, and I'm not gonna unless I absolutely have to. Don't need her thinkin' the PTB are out to get her, through her bad taste in men."

"I getcha."

"You ready to go back in and strategize? Or do ya wanna cry like a little girl some more?" I wink at her.

She punches my arm. "Jerk!" Even though she fakes bein' mad at me now, the concern on her face is still evident. "You promise, nothing's gonna happen, to _any_ of you?

I look straight into her eyes and don't hesitate a beat. "You've got my word, D." She nods her head and takes my arm and we go back to the War Room.

Buffy smiles at us as she sees us walkin' in arm-in-arm. The others look relieved.

"Everything ok?" B whispers as I take my seat next to her.

"Wonderful, honey, don't worry about a thing." I place a kiss on the side of her head and quickly pay attention so that Giles doesn't have to cluck his tongue at me. I'm tryin' not to piss him off, he's been all emotional too.

In fact, I've had to do a variation of what I just did with Dawn with every one of the Scoobs except Andrew, he's been gung ho and very positive. It's actually been a help, if not just a little bit annoyin'.

"So, we get passed the metal detectors because we're carrying stakes, then go to the Senator's office, and who am I again?"

Giles sighs and straighten his glasses. He gives Buffy that 'Why do you torture me look', he softens it when I give him my 'Stop fuckin' with my woman' look and he repeats what he just said to her so she gets it.

Buffy's hand makes it to my thigh and she squeezes. That makes me smile and I look over at Dawnie who gives me the finger with a wink.

Such a bitch.

After the meetin' devolves into jokes about dirty bombs and how we could use different detergents and soaps to clean 'em up. Giles says somethin' about the fate of the world bein' in the hands of a bunch of imbeciles and leaves the room.

Me and B decide to go lay down a bit. I'm kinda keyed up but she's been a little tired today. For the past week her stomach has been crampin' somethin' fierce, and the docs said it was because of the accelerated rate of growth. We made sure that Buffy's role in this mission wasn't gonna put too much stress on the baby, and when they said it would we called in Willow. She did a spell to shield anything from happenin' to the little one, even stress that Buffy feels, but it'll only hold for a week or so. We don't wanna mess with havin' to shield the baby for longer than that. It could fuck with some of the nutrients it needs to live off of.

I still have my back up plan of shovin' B in a safehouse and goin' on this mission by myself, but she's needed. Believe me if she weren't she and I would probably have come to blows by now over her not bein' able to go. Of course, those blows woulda all been one sided, and my face woulda been rearranged, but she wouldn't be goin'.

I'm actually relieved that she'll be comin' with me, 'cause I feel like I can protect her better. I'm confident like that. And maybe a little bit dumb. Heh.

"Did you and Dawnie have a good talk?"

"Yeah, she slapped my face, and broke my toe." I shrug. "All in all I'd say that was a good talk."

"Awww, come here, baby." She puts her arms out and I slink over to her. "That definitely deserves some Buffy loving." Her face is one big mask of naughty.

"Did I say it was just my toe? I think she broke the whole foot." She wraps her arms around my neck and hops up into my arms.

"I'll make it feel _all_ better; in fact, I'll make you feel so good you'll forget you have feet." She winks.

Damn, that sounds fuckin' good!

I walk us over to the bed and set her down gently, she pouts because I don't immediately lay down with her. She's so spoiled.

"Don't pout, B. I'm goin' to go get the cocoa butter, we need to rub it on the belly."

"The belly." She smoothes her hands over it. "It's getting kinda big now, Faith. Like really big. How many weeks did the Doctor say I was?"

"Well she said it had slowed down a bit from the first week or so, even though it's still growing faster than normal, so it's about 8 weeks."

B looks like she's thinkin' deep thoughts and as I go about gettin' some supplies, we usually do this same thing durin' the day. Rub cocoa butter on her stomach to prevent stretch marks, talk, kiss and then have some lunch and a little afternoon lovin'. Then she naps for a couple of hours, shower, and we train a bit, shower again, go over some strategy, have dinner and then bed, which usually brings about more lovin'.

Then the cycle starts all over again the next day. Thank god we got through the freak outs though. They were throwin' a cramp into our routine.

When we look back on this time, I want us to remember what we did right before the baby was born in a good way. I know we're gonna have some fightin' to go through, but the rest of the time is all about relaxin' and lovin'.

The other thing I'm glad that's stopped is the mornin' sickness. She went through a week more of just yarkin' at the drop of a hat, it wasn't fun. In fact my pride got hurt, 'cause one day we were sittin' around and I beefed, nothin' huge and deadly, and she made a face at me like she normally does. Ya know, the 'Gross, Faith!' face, like she doesn't fuckin' fart, but whatever. Anyway, then all of a sudden she caught a whiff and it was like one of those funny movie kinda scenes. Her cheeks puffed out and her eyes got all big and she had to run for the toilet with her hand over her mouth and she just made it.

If I didn't feel like such a shit for doin' it, I woulda laughed but I felt like cryin' that day. Makin' someone puke like that might _sound_ funny, but it was like I had just stabbed her or somethin'. She had just been sayin' how she hadn't puked in 12 hours, and that might be the last of it and that her throat was finally gettin' a chance to recover and all. And then I had to go and fuck it up with my bodily functions. That sucked.

"What're you thinking of, Faith?"

I chuckle, "Nothin' good that you'd wanna hear, so I'll say, nothin'."

She laughs, "You know I never let you get away with that."

"Yeah, I know, but trust me this time you'd be happier if you just accepted the nothin' and moved on."

I can see her thinkin' it over, and then she nods her head and lets it go. Fuck, she's always suprisin' the shit outta me like that. Now I wanna tell her.

"It was not anything big, baby."

She smirks all knowingly 'cause she knows I'm gonna tell her. She's a fuckin' clever one. Round 1950 to Buffy.

"It was just about me makin' ya puke that last time and how I wanted to crawl under a rock and die."

"Awww, it wasn't that bad, I had been feeling queasy for a while and was trying to stop myself from having to throw up, but then I smelled your 'wind' and that was it. You're still thinking about that?!"

I shrug and pout.

"Get over here, Faith! NOW!" She knows I love dominant Buffy at times like these.

I throw the stuff I had in my hands on the bed and flop next to her. Actin' like I've got no bones in my body.

She laughs and pulls me to her, pettin' me like I'm a cat. The shit she whispers in my ear I hope she don't whisper to any animals, 'cause dude, that would be like bestiality or somethin'. Then I'd have to worry about Junior comin' out with dog ears or whiskers or somethin'. That thought makes me chuckle, and she gets even friskier.

"What's my naughty girl thinking of?"

"Nothin', ma'am."

"Oh no?" She slides her hand down just below the waistband of my jeans. "Hmmm, no panties today?" I shrug and she tuts. "While in this situation you'd think it would be better for me, but I think I had told you that I like to tease, didn't I?"

Man, she's pourin' it on thick. "Um, I think I mighta heard that way back when."

"Way back when, what?"

"Way back when…back in the day?"

"No, Faith! Way back when…" She sounds like she's expectin' me to add somethin' on to that.

Huh?

"Oh! Way back when, _ma'am_."

"That's better, Faith. Don't forget who's in charge here." She snakes a finger through my closely cropped bush and dips down a bit into my wetness. That makes me moan.

"BUFFY!!!! FAITH!!!!!"

SHIT! Buffy pulls her hand out of my pants and settles herself back on her side of the bed. Lookin' all caught.

"Comin' Dawn!!!" I yell.

I jump up and adjust my pants, and slip my boots on, Buffy's lookin' at me like she doesn't know what to do.

"C'mon, B, let's get ready, this could be it." I say in an even voice. No need to get her panicked. "You don't hafta rush though, I'll go see what it is first."

I go to the door and it's written all over Dawnie's face, so I push her out in the hall and close the door. "It's on the TV, they hit Moscow, that wasn't even on our radar and it was way earlier when we thought."

"Fuckin' bastards! All hittin' us when we least expect it, don't they have any sense of decorum?"

She smirks, but it's a sad smirk.

"We send a team?"

"Yes, Satsu's team that was in the South of France is headed there, as well as two from Uzbekistan and of course the ones already in Moscow."

"We left those places still well defended though, huh?"

"Of course."

"Ok, tell Will to get the teleport stuff ready, we'll be down in five."

"Good."

I go back in the room and Buffy's ready, the spell Will gave us to do in this situation, makes her not look pregnant, it's like a belly glamour. And that makes me sad. I've already gotten used to the bump. Damn, no need to get nostalgic right now. I go over to her and give her a kiss and bend down and give the belly a kiss, too.

Fuck it, I can get nostalgic if I want.

*****

"The President has sent his condolences to those affected by the bombing. No word yet on who's responsible, the Pentagon is on high alert, the department of Homeland Security has raised the threat level to Red in all of our major cities, and orange for the rest of the country. We go now to our correspondent in Moscow, George, what can you tell us?"

"Well Charles, the city is _utter_ chaos, but it's sort of a controlled chaos, if you will. The Kremlin has dispatched all of its guards to areas of importance, President Medvedev and high ranking members of his government are being moved to obviously undisclosed locations and the British and American Embassies are being evacuated." Some dude with a British accent is reportin' and damned if he don't sound familiar. I look at Giles. He nods at me. Oh, must be one of ours. We've got a few civilians that are workin' for us in strategic places around the world.

"Well, I think this is our cue." Giles says with a sigh.

Me and B nod at each other and then back at Giles.

"Everything's set up and ready to go. You'll be teleported in to your 'apartment' in North West, in your glamours." Xander says all business like.

Heh, our glamours. These are really gonna be fun. I'm a dude, and B's my wife. Kinda fittin' but still, I'm like 40 years old and she's in her late 20's. Trophy wife. I'm like a politician's aide or somethin'. Another one of our plants that can be removed at any time, for situations like this, and someone that can get in close to our friend the Senator's Aide.

It'll get us where we need to be, and without any 'cause for alarm to those who are already in the know with the plot against the slayers and the world.

Fuckin' A, dude. It's on.


	35. Old Friends, New Enemies

Chapter 35- Old Friends, New Enemies

Me and B teleport right into the apartment, just like Xand said. From here we got a ball thingy to go to. I was surprised they're still havin' it, because of the raised threat level, but apparently they're beefin' up the security and they think it'll still be safe. We'll fuckin' see.

I just wanna get right into the fight. Get in and get out. All quick and efficient like. No pussyin' around, but we have to be patient, let the assholes show their true colors and then we strike. We've got a bead on the players, and they're all gonna be there.

Even this new one I just heard about last week. It was a fuckin' trip, lemme tell ya.

Gonna love takin' him out.

B's gettin' ready; all I had to do was put on my tux. Kinda feel trapped in this thing, the collar is too tight, it's pinchin' me and the material is chafin'. I might act all butch at times, but I do like wearin' dresses when I hafta. I just hate the idea of 'em until I actually do it, and then I'm all like, 'Wow, this is really pretty and I love it.' Don't love the heels, but they have to be worn so, ya know, I do it.

She comes outta the room and I smile at her, she's all brunette and leggy. I hope she don't get jealous when I pinch her ass.

"Are we ready, gorgeous?" Damn, my voice is all deep and shit. Scared me a bit. Heh.

"You think this glamour I'm wearing is gorgeous?" She sounds annoyed.

Did I fuckin' call it or what?

"No, I think _you're_ gorgeous, gorgeous, the glamour doesn't mean a thing to me. I love my Buffy, and that's that."

"Yeah, _that_ is that." She says still annoyed.

All jealous, my Buffy, she's a trip. I go over and kiss her without messin' her makeup up.

"So we're getting there by cab?" She says as I help her put her shawl on, it's a warm night and she won't need anything else except that.

"No, our car is gonna drive us."

"Ohhh we get a driver, huh?"

"Yep, we're big time, baby." I laugh and it sounds like Sean Connery. Fuck, I laugh again and this time B's laughin' with me. Shit, we need this bit of fun to break the tension.

'Cause you could cut it with a fuckin' knife.

*****

"Jason, good to see you. And your lovely wife is looking very _lovely_," He winks. How eloquent, jag-off. "How are you tonight, Terri?"

"I'm doing well, Gerard, and you?" Buffy gives him the fakest sincere smile I've ever seen.

Yep, it's Gerard, that fuckface that met me and B at that hangar near the airport a few weeks ago. He's not who he says he is, but B don't know that. He's got a glamour on. Clever mother fucker.

When Red (and the Shaman that we called in last week) uncovered that, she almost hyperventilated.

"Very well, thank you." He stops a waiter goin' passed with a tray, takes a glass of champagne and offers it to B.

She takes it from him and looks at me quickly, I know she's prayin' the spell Will did took, 'cause if not, our baby is about to have some champagne, too. I take one and so does 'Gerard' and now we toast each other.

"Excellent," He says after he drinks half of it. He's lookin' kinda nervous. "I hate these fundraisers, but they always have such good champagne."

"Yes, they do." I chuckle in my manly voice.

"But you'd probably prefer a good beer, wouldn't you, Jason?" 'Gerard' smirks and then says to Buffy, "Or a bad one, am I right? Is he still drinking anything he can get his hands on?"

Fucker. He's tryin' to make himself look good for 'Terri'. These fucksticks down here, him and Julian, always tryin' to make time with the women. I wonder if they pimp them out or somethin'.

Probably because he's still a fuckin' player, even if he's not in his real skin.

Yeah I know his game. Played it myself a few times. He's not so clever, old Parker Abrams. Yeah, that's right, I said Parker Abrams.

I got the girl, he let her get away, and in the worst way possible. And now he's bitter. Well, fuck him.

He's been the dude behind this all. Hookin' up coincidently, although I think it's anything but a coincidence, with Bobby Cochrane, and Bobby's sister, Laurie. Yeah, Ken remembered that Laurie's last name was Cochrane and then I put two and two together. And that bitch is goin' down, too.

We figured rehab for 'em, until tonight. No, no mercy now, 'cause tonight they killed about 150 people with their fuckin' bomb in Moscow and now more innocent blood is gonna be shed. 'Cause the Russians think some of those separatist groups were responsible, and those assholes use women and children as their shields.

I guess this whole fuckin' thing is some revenge scheme against Buffy for him. I'm gonna _delight_ in endin' him. I'm itchin' for a sign that it's go time. I can't do it here with all the security, but it will be happenin'. Mark my words.

He checks his watch for the third time since we've been standin' here.

"Have a hot date, Gerard?"

"Nope, not me. But a few others might have something 'hot' on their menu in a few minutes." He winks at me and it makes my stomach churn.

I have a bad, bad feelin' and it's makin' my skin crawl.

All of a sudden I see some movement out around the perimeter, me and B instinctively put our backs together, still tryin' to look casual, but makin' sure we're scopin' out every possible threat.

"I think it's begun. I'll take my leave of you. See you in New York." He winks at me and then leaves in a hurry.

"What…" Buffy's words are cut off by a collective gasp coming from one of the other rooms, and several people are takin' out cellphones. Can't be anything too bad or Dawnie and Xander woulda paged me.

I catch a few words. 'Bomb.' 'Another one.' 'New York.'

No call from Dawn or Xander. Or Willow or Giles.

I look around and see horror etched on people's faces.

FUCK NO!!!

I turn to someone who's watchin' the scene on their expensive phone. "What's going on?"

"It's the terrorists, they just hit New York, some school."

Buffy looks like she's gonna pass out. She drops her champagne and I go to her.

"C'mon, let's start walkin' out of here, ok, B?" I whisper.

"We…we have to find out…we…was it them?"

I already know, just by the silence of my phone. It was them and I've gotta keep focused or I'm gonna kill everyone in this fuckin' room.

Gotta get back to the apartment in North West. I wonder if it's even safe. But I've got my emergency shit there and we need it now. Can't lose the plot here.

Even though it's makin' me wanna lose my lunch.

*****

We make it back to the apartment after about an hour. Security was pretty tight and they were even checkin' people on their way out of the fuckin' buildin'. What kinda sense does _that_ make?

As soon as we're in the place, B turns on the TV, they've got cameras trained on the area that was affected by the bomb. I tried callin' everyone I knew, but all their phones just went to voicemail. So I stopped, after about the fifth person, 'cause it was upsettin' Buffy really bad.

Buffy's just standin' in front of the TV now, sorta swayin', then just falls to her knees.

What do I do?

What _can_ I do?

I go to her and just stand behind her, watchin' what's left of the buildin' sorta crumble, most of the upper floors that held the dorms are gone. And that's when it becomes real to me. I turn on my heel and run to the kitchen sink to get sick. Didn't have time to try and find the bathroom.

Even after everything is gone from my stomach I still dry heave violently for a bit. It's like my body's tryin' to purge all the badness from it. 'Cause I've been havin' some fuckin' bad thoughts ever since we heard what happened.

I can hear B callin' my name, but it sounds far away, my heart beat is the most prominent thing right now and not until I feel her hand on my back do I realize she's right behind me. But I'm no longer in the kitchen, I'm in the bedroom gettin' out of this tux and tryin' to find something more comfortable. I have the presence of mind to know we still have to be in our glamours, 'cause we have to meet up with these assholes in New York. We've got reservations for the Plaza Hotel.

Buffy's tryin' to get me to stop from leavin' the apartment, she's shoutin' at me and I wanna fuckin' punch her because her voice is not hers and with the way I've been thinkin' right now, anything and everything is annoyin' me.

"WHAT?!" I turn around to her and she flinches.

She points down to my hand, her face is a mask of tears, I look to the floor and all I see is blood poolin' where I'm standin'.

What the fuck?!

I pick up my hand and notice glass imbedded into the palm. She takes the hand in hers, it's a big meaty hand, I don't like it. I don't like this. I wanna just stop this bullshit trainwreck of a way of life and get off at the nearest station.

Buffy pulls me over to the sink and I notice she's taken off her glamour, it's like I haven't seen her in weeks and I try to pull her up to me for a kiss, but she pushes me back. She's still tryin' to see to the glass in my palm, but I don't fuckin' care about that right now, I wanna kiss her.

"No, Faith! I think you might have hit an artery, let me see!"

Is there an artery in my hand? Who the fuck cares? Chop the shit off. It doesn't matter.

Nothin' matters.

About a minute later I hear other people comin' into the apartment, and then I look down and I have a bandage on my hand and I'm sittin' on the couch.

When did that happen?

I can hear people talkin' about me.

"It's like she's not even there. I talk to her and nothing." B says all upset.

Nothin'.

Heh. Always comes back to nothin'.

Can't have nothin', cause even when I have somethin' it _turns_ to nothin'.

"Faith, can you hear me?"

I see someone bendin' down to me, it's Karen one of Rona's lieutenants. I nod at her.

"Ok, good. We patched up your hand and gave you a shot of pain killer for it, you had squeezed the glass so hard you imbedded the shards into your palm. We're hoping that there won't be any nerve damage."

I shrug.

"Buffy's laying down for a bit, she had passed out from the stress."

That gets my attention. I stand up and Karen backs away.

After I gently push open what I guess is the door to the master bedroom, B's layin' on her back, she's got the belly glamour off, and I can see her stomach has gotten bigger even since yesterday. She turns her head to me and watches me just stand there watchin' her.

"Faith?"

"Yeah."

"Can you take the glamour off?" She sounds weak and tired.

Fuck, I didn't even know I still had it on, can't even hear my own voice. Just the blood poundin' in my ears.

I say the words Will gave me to use…Will.

I fall to my knees and B sits up on the bed and tries to come over to me, but it must hurt her because she clutches at her stomach and then lies back down.

The doc that patched my hand up and Karen come rushin' in. I musta called them, and I'm no longer on my knees, I'm standin' at the other side of the bed, watchin' as they check Buffy's pulse.

The four words I hear next have me pickin' the doc up and shovin' her to the wall in the hallway, the others that came with her are tryin' to get me offa her, but I don't like the fuckin' things she says, so I wanna make her understand that.

She had said, "She could lose it."

And no, she ain't fuckin' losin' NOTHIN'. NOTHIN'!!

"I know, Faith, I know. We're making sure that doesn't happen, now let the doctor go, she's on your side!!"

I loosen my grip, thank God I didn't have her around the throat, just the lapels of her jacket. She was also at the fundraiser in a glamour, so she's got a tux on too. I dunno why but it's funny to me and I laugh.

They all look like I've gone completely nuts.

I should take Dawn's advice and talk to someone, because this is the blackest fuckin' mood I've been in a long time.

Heh. Dawn.

And Xander.

And Willow.

And Giles.

And Francie.

And Andrew.

And Kennedy.

"You better see to Buffy, make sure she doesn't lose nothin'! Not even a fuckin' _nail_, you got me?!"

"Where are you going?!"

"I've gotta see someone in New York."

"Faith, wait!" It's Buffy, I just can't leave her like this. "You can't just leave like this!"

Damn, we do think alike.

I soften my attitude and go back in to her. I really hope we don't have to fight this out.

"I know what needs to be done, Faith, and I know I can't do it. And I feel so helpless…" She starts cryin' and I lay beside her on the bed, gatherin' her in my arms.

"I'm right there with ya, baby. I can't even think about it, 'cause if I do, I'll just…"

"I know."

"Think positive, ok? We don't know what's up, but I promise I'll find out everything I can."

"I don't want you to go!"

Oh shit, here we go.

"But…I know…you can't stay here. I want you to find whoever's behind this, and…do what you need to…for me."

I remember my thoughts from Scotland, when I wanted to end myself because I thought she'd never love me.

"Only you, B. Only ever for you."

"You be careful, Faith, I want you back, unharmed. You got that?!" Shit she sounds like me, heh.

"Yes, ma'am." We kiss passionately for a few moments.

"Don't worry about me and junior, we'll be ok. We'll put the contingency plan in place." B says in a confident whisper.

"I love you, and I'll never leave." I say as I'm walkin' out the door.

I don't even look back, 'cause I'd never get out the door, and my mission is not complete.

*****

"Faith, I just got your voicemail. What do you need and when?"

"Where are you?"

"Just outside of Moscow."

"I need you to get the wicca to teleport you to the meeting spot. Can you do it?"

"Yes, just need to go over the protocol with my lieutenants and then I'm out. Whatever you need you got it."

"Satsu, I'm gonna need three of the best undercover we got, can you make that happen?"

"Absolutely, give me fifteen minutes, I'll meet you at the place with them."

"Good. See you there."

"You bet."

Over and out.

And now it's our turn.


	36. Holdin' Out Hope For A Miracle

Chapter 36- Holdin' Out Hope For A Miracle

"Faith, where do you want this?"

"Over there." I point to a wall and the women that came with Satsu start haulin' the huge box over to it.

We're settin' up our base of operations. It's gonna mainly be a mobile unit, but we need a meetin' point and some kind of neutral location to observe shit from and to rest in.

Here's as good a place as any. The top of the friggin' Empire State Building.

We didn't go far. I like to keep my enemies close.

Fuckface Parker checked into the Plaza about an hour ago. He took off the glamour. Probably thinks that anyone who'd recognize him is dead by now.

For his sake they better not be. Well, even if they weren't, he better fuckin' pray for a miracle 'cause now I'm pissed and I ain't playin'.

"How's Buffy?" Satsu asks, she sounds all business like but I know she's concerned for her and the baby.

"She's good, I checked in with her a couple of hours ago, things have calmed down. Would be a whole lot better if we knew the others were ok."

"I know." She gets quiet then looks at the screens as they blink to life. "We're online. In ten minutes we'll have visual into his room."

"Couldn't get audio, huh?" I smirk. We're always tryin' to one up each other and compete. I guess it's a 'competition over Buffy' thing.

"Give me fifteen." She winks.

Damn, I feel like a thousand times better since she agreed to help. I know we kid around and pretend to hate each other and compete for Buffy's affection, but I really respect her, she's a damn good leader. Better than I ever hoped to be at her age and if she makes it to mine, I can retire, 'cause she'll have it all sewn up and we won't have to do anything.

"You've got twelve, hotshot." I go to hip check her and she sidesteps it. "Ooooh, you're good."

"It's what I've heard." She wiggles her brows at me. Fuck, I taught her a little _too_ much.

While I'm helpin' to set up some of the gear, I can tell Satsu's got somethin' more to say. She better say it soon, 'cause I got no time for games, we've got a lot of shit to accomplish in a very small window of time.

"What?"

She shrugs.

"Satsu, spill it or let it go, what's it gonna be?"

"Have you picked out a name yet?"

I blink at her for a moment. And she looks at me like. 'Ah…duh!'

I go to question her again and then it hits me.

The baby. Heh.

"Not sure, I was thinkin' if it's a girl maybe for my grandmother, but we've already got a Julia in the family, so I dunno."

"How about for her Mom?"

"For Buffy? You think I'd wanna do that to the kid?! I mean, Elizabeth maybe. That would be kinda cool, ya know, we could call her Beth or somethin' I guess. B Jr." I chuckle.

Satsu's lookin' at me like I'm nuts and then just cracks up.

"Oh, man! I've got something to tell her!"

Actually, she's got a lot of shit she could tell her, but if she doesn't wanna die she'll shut the fuck up. I'm irritated so I give her the middle finger.

"I meant for _Buffy's_ mother, Fayg." She likes to call me that as being short for 'fagela', like fag in Italian. This one's a fuckin' piece of work all right. She looks innocent but she's a real bitch when she gets to know ya. Believe me.

"You're crusin' really hard." I narrow my eyes and she sticks out her tongue. "Maybe later, keep it warm for me." I wink. "'Sides, we've thought of that name, but B says it's too sad for the first name, maybe for the middle." I laugh. "We've got like six middle names picked out so far."

"How about 'Satsu'?"

"Over my dead body." I narrow my eyes at her.

She laughs. "Could be arranged."

"Hey, we've got visual on the cameras in the school." Andrea says.

We stop fuckin' around and gather in front of the monitor.

"Shit, there's nothin' left."

"Just rubble."

"And rats."

We see some of 'em lookin' at the lens, and some are scurryin' off.

They can survive anything those fuckin' things. I should have been born one of 'em.

I mentally slap myself to stop thinkin' stupid thoughts. We need to get in that fuckin' buildin'!

"How long before we can get in there?" I say with increasin' impatience.

"We have to wait for the cover of darkness. Might be good to do a glamour, ya know, construction worker maybe."

"Nah, no more fuckin' glamours, I'm tired of 'em, plus with my luck I'd die in it and get buried in Local 212's unknown construction worker grave or some shit."

"You really think some crazy stuff when you're nervous don't you?" Satsu says, marvelin' at my nutty fuckin' brain.

But it's true, I'm really nervous, I don't wanna have to tell Buffy that they're all dead. Fuck, I don't want to have to tell _me_ that, either.

My cell rings and startles us all.

"Yeah?" I say when I pick it up, there's no number displayed.

"Oh thank god, Faith! I was so scared!" Aunt Dee sounds frantic.

"Are ya all safe?"

"Yes, we're safe, _everyone_."

They're with Buffy in a secret place that's part of the contingency plan she mentioned.

"Good, I'm happy to hear it."

"Oh, sweety, I'm so happy to hear your voice! Buffy said you were ok, but I was worried and until I heard your voice I couldn't stop myself."

"I'm good, don't worry, ok?"

"Any word yet on Francie and the others?"

"No, but I dunno, I think it's a good thing." I really don't but I wanna give her some hope, until we find out there is none.

"I'm tryin' to keep positive here, Faith. But it's only gonna last so long. Your Uncle John is beside himself, everyone else is holdin' out hope, but we're scared."

"I know, Dee. I know. I promise, one way or another I'll have some answers for you guys, I'm hopin' by tomorrow mornin' at the latest."

"Ok, I trust you."

Why though? I'll never get over that. I've been nothin' but a shit to them, and they trust me with their lives.

"How's Buffy?"

"She's good, she's waitin' to talk to ya, so I'll let her have the phone."

"Ok, thanks."

"Faith,"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, we love you. And thanks."

"I will. I love you guys, too. And don't thank me yet."

"Here's Buffy."

"Hi baby."

"Hey, sweetness." Satsu raises a brow and I stick out my tongue, this time she winks and for some fucked up reason it makes my pussy clench. I turn and concentrate on the phone. "How's things?"

"They're good, considering. A little cramped."

"Yeah, well that's 'cause it was only supposed to be for a few people."

"I know, next time we gotta plan bigger."

"I'm hopin' there won't be a next time, B. Ya know?"

"I know, I'm just saying."

"Yeah, I know."

We don't really _know_ anything, and that's why we're both spoutin' nonsense.

"You guys have any problems with the set up?"

"Nope, everything's been fine. Satsu's workin' on gettin' audio in assface's room."

"Should be done in a minute." Satsu says.

"You're over by two already, so you suck." I say with my mouth a little away from the phone.

"No, I lick, ask Buffy."

Shit, that makes me wanna kick her and laugh at the same time, 'cause I walked right into that one.

"What did she say?" Buffy says with her voice a bit high pitched. She heard what Satsu said.

"Nothin', B. She's just talkin' shit."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Sure, hang on." I tap Satsu on the shoulder and hand the phone over. "You're in for it now."

She looks at the phone like it's gonna blow up, then realizes it's me standin' here and she's gotta work her mojo on my girl so she gets all confident lookin' and takes the phone from me.

"Hi Buffy, how are you?" She turns away slightly. Probably 'cause I'm glarin'.

"I will. No, I won't. Yes, absolutely. I said I will!"

A few more moments go by and she says, "No, I didn't mean it like that, Faith and I just kid around. We're buds!"

Heh. Busted.

"You have my word. I will…yes…of course…I know…gotcha…yep…I heard you!"

B must be givin' her hell.

I don't need to know what it's about, 'cause I already do. She's tellin' Satsu not to let me sacrifice myself.

She'd say "Or anyone else for that matter." But I know she's mainly worried I'm gonna do some crazy hero shit that'll get me killed.

But, I gotta do what I gotta do, and she knows that. It's nice to know she cares that much, though.

Except that ain't what I need right now.

I need to feel charged, I need to feel angry, I need to feel invincible.

I need to feel murderous.

I need to be Faith again.

*****

"Faith, Buffy said for me to remind you to call her before you go to bed tonight." Satsu winks at me.

"Will do. So, how long before we get in there?"

"Jazz'll give us the all clear and then we're in."

Good, I can't wait. I've been fuckin' comin' outta my skin since we got here. I know I'm not gonna be able to sleep, I guess I'll have to think of somethin' in the mean time.

"You got a time frame on that?"

"So impatient; I forgot that about you." Satsu smirks.

"How could you?" I smile back, givin' the dimples.

"You're evil."

Heh. Yep. I am.

*****

Fuck! Nothin'.

Can't find shit except debris.

And vermin. Never know how much shit is livin' amongst us until there ain't no walls and floors and shit to hide 'em.

I can't believe this shit.

I won't believe this shit.

And I'm not callin' Buffy, no matter what she said earlier. I can't fuckin' deal right now.

"Faith, are we gonna go on or what?" Jazz says.

"We're not stoppin' until I'm satisfied."

Satsu has the nerve to chuckle knowingly and mutters, "I've heard that too many times to count."

Bitch.

"Keep that shit to yourself."

"Sorry."

We work in silence and stealth for another couple of hours, but it turns up nothin'.

Nothin'.

*****

"Faith, I think we should call it for tonight. We've done the top three floors, it's getting unstable, and we need to rest."

"Then go without me."

"I'm not leaving you here! You got that?!"

"You're gonna have to fuckin' crack me over the head and drag me out, 'cause otherwise I'm stayin'."

"You think I won't do it?!" Satsu gets in my face.

"Try me." I look her dead in the eye.

I can hear her sigh defeated.

"Hardest head I've ever known."

I've heard that too many times to count, too. Still doesn't make me change my mind.

Twelve hours later and we've got twenty floors done and there are ten to go, I finally call it quits. We gotta recharge.

But I'll fuckin' be back. I just need to rest a while.

My mind's racin' so when we get back I try to relax with a quick shower and a long soak in the tub. I can't shake the restlessness though.

They can't be gone, they just can't. I don't fuckin' feel it; I think I would feel it.

My cellphone rings me out of my thoughts.

Buffy.

"Hey, B."

"Hey yourself. I thought you were gonna call me before you went to bed?"

"Never went to bed, we were takin' our time goin' floor to floor."

"How bad was it?"

Shit.

"Faith! How bad?!?!"

"B…" I sigh.

"Don't fucking treat me like I'm two, Faith. You said you'd never do that, _no matter what_! Now, how bad?!"

"Worse than I thought. There's nothin' left except…walls, ceilin's, floors, all broken. Rats and mice and roaches runnin' around like they got no home. I even saw a few cats and a fuckin' bird."

She's quiet. I can hear her breathin' and I can tell she's gettin' upset but she's tryin' not to let me know.

"Well, you haven't found any bodies yet, have you?"

"No."

"Then that's that. You keep going."

"Right, we'll keep goin'."

Until the last fuckin' piece of dust has been overturned and analyzed.

"Good, I'm going to bed."

"At two in the afternoon?"

"I'm tired, Faith. Junior's been active and I'm exhausted and trying not to worry, so I'd better just go lay down."

"I getcha. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I shrug even though she can't see it. "For everything."

She lets that one go and tells me to get some sleep and that she loves me.

She shouldn't, I don't deserve it.

*****

After my talk with Buffy and tryin' to soak in the tub a little more, I get out without relaxin' nothin'.

I need one thing, and doin' it by myself ain't gonna cut it. 'Cause I tried that and it didn't work, only made me crave the real thing more.

I know I shouldn't but that don't stop me. I've got a hard head, remember?

When I get into her room I can see the curtains and blinds have been drawn to keep the light out. 'Cause like I said, it's in the afternoon, and when it's light out, I don't care how much you try to sleep, it just doesn't happen if it's light in the room.

I see her form on the bed, and I feel fuckin' guilty, but not guilty enough to let it stop me, and that's a fuckin' worry.

She wakes up as I slide under the covers, didn't bother to put anything on after my bath, so all I had to do was let the towel fall at my feet. Damn, I forgot how good she smells, I wish I could forget it, then I wouldn't crave it so much when I'm around her, or not around her, if truth be told.

'Cause we've got business to take care of and this shouldn't be happenin'.

No one needs to know, though.

It'll be just between us.

"Mmmmm, I was gonna suggest this earlier but I didn't wanna seem like a bitch."

I kiss her shoulder and move the hair away from her neck. Man, I need this so much, I slide my hand around to the front of her thighs, goin' straight for what I'm lookin' to find. She needs it too, 'cause she's so fuckin' wet.

"I wasn't here, got it? The others can't know."

"I know, they wouldn't understand."

She turns around to me, and we kiss passionately.

God, it just feels so fuckin' right, and I feel like such a selfish bitch, but I tell myself that she needs it too, so I'm helpin' _her_ out here. Just helpin' her out.

Satsu won't mind if I help her out?

I just hope we don't get found out.


	37. A Desperate Meetin' In A Faithless World

Chapter 37- A Desperate Meetin' in a Faithless World

She left me once, she left me twice  
She left me three times or more  
But no, she didn't leave me at all  
It's harder to smile when you've lied to a friend  
But no, it's not hard at all

~unfaithful by The Wonder Stuff

I hold her in place as my hand works its magic, and I tell her she's gotta be quiet.

I'm in charge of this particular mission and she's gotta stand down. Her moans are makin' me hot and I just wanna let it all go. Fuck her so hard she sees stars.

All that's goin' through my mind on a loop is, "Satsu won't mind if I help her out…Satsu won't mind if I help her out…"

Her fingers find my clit and I whisper her name.

"What was that?"

"Buffy…" I whisper again.

"WHAT?!"

"Buffy…ma'am?"

"Better," I can hear the smirk in her voice.

And just like that she's running the show.

And what Satsu don't know won't hurt her. 'Cause she'd be pissed if she knew I snuck off to be with Buffy.

"I wanna fuck you, Faith. Can I do that?"

Uhhhhh, yes, forever, always and now would be good.

"Hmmm? You want me to fuck you?"

I can only nod, my brain has somehow gotten disconnected from my mouth.

"Good, 'cause I wanna do that, so, so much." She says as she slips down from the bed. I hope she's not hurtin' herself, but I guess she knows what she's doin'.

She pulls me by my calves and throws my legs over her shoulders as she kneels down in front of me, on the side of the bed.

As soon as her tongue touches my clit my mind goes off into some distant land, and I can tell I've smacked the bed, hard. A couple more minutes later and there's a soft knock on the door.

"Buffy, are you ok in there?"

She keeps lickin' me and winks as she pushes her tongue into my hole.

Fuck! What's she doin'?! Does she want me to answer for her? We can't let anyone know I'm teleportin' here. I wanna be safe, but I also feel like people wouldn't understand about me and B havin' sex, while we've got Scoobies and Slayers missin'.

I don't say dead, 'cause I haven't found any bodies yet, and I'm not totally convinced they were even in there at the time.

"Buffy?"

"I'm fine, Aunt Dee!"

"Are you sure? I heard a noise."

"It was me swatting at a fly in my dream, I guess."

"Oh, you were sleepin'? Sorry, honey! I'll leave you alone."

"Thanks for checking on me, Dee."

"Anytime…you sure you're ok?"

"I'm great."

"Ok, then. Goodnight, honey."

"Night."

We hear her start to go but then she turns back and says, "If you need to talk, any time, I'm here. I can't imagine what you must be goin' through."

I whisper to Buffy. "She's freaked out, you better let her in."

Buffy nods at me. She gets up and tells Aunt Dee to wait a second, then goes to wash her hands and face.

When she's done, she goes to the door and then checks to see that I'm ready for her to open the door; I blow her a kiss and nod. When she opens the door Aunt Dee smiles gratefully and B steps away from the entrance to let her in.

"Jesus Christ!!! Fff" Buffy puts her hand over Dee's mouth to stop her from wakin' the whole house and alertin' them that I'm here. Buffy pulls her in and then takes her hand away from my Aunt's mouth. Dee lowers her voice, "Sorry, Madonna mia!" She clutches her chest. "Faith, what are you doin' here?!"

"Came to be with my wife and our belly, is that ok with you?"

"Oh honey!" She rushes over to hug me, but I ain't budgin' from this bed. I left the towel back in the other room before I teleported here. She stops when she notices I ain't gettin' up. "Was that why I heard a noise? You're naked under there?" She gasps.

I roll my eyes at her and Buffy laughs but she goes over to her bag and pulls out a t-shirt and shorts and tosses 'em to me. I put 'em on under the covers and then hop outta the bed. Aunt Dee wraps me up in a bear hug.

"I'm not sayin' anything to you for comin' here and bein' with Buffy. I'm sorry for interruptin', I just wanted to make sure she was ok, and…"

"Yeah, I know Aunt Dee, we'll get Francie back. Ok?"

"And Willow, and Dawnie, and Mr. Giles, and Xander, and Andrew. God bless him, he gets on my nerves but I've come to love him like the son I never had."

"Really? Son?"

"Well, maybe step son." She chuckles and we laugh.

"I know, Aunt Dee, it's a lot to take in, especially with you just findin' out about all this stuff."

"They say it was terrorists…ya know, on the TV they're sayin' it's a terrorist attack."

"You'll come to understand, that the media and the cops turn a blind eye to our world." Buffy says.

"How come?"

"'Cause who wants to know the boogeyman really exists? Parents would be pissin' the bed along with their kids. It's just not wise. Although people stayin' away from cemeteries after dark, or not goin' out after dark _period_, in a hellmouth town would be really helpful. But whatta ya gonna do, right?"

"Right." Aunt Dee says with some skepticism. She looks at me then at Buffy, then back at me. "So, you…yeah, I should go."

Buffy goes over to her and hugs her tight, and I come up on the other side and do the same thing.

After we break the hugfest, Aunt Dee goes to leave and I follow her out of the room closin' the door behind me.

"Hey, Dee, really don't worry, I'm on it, ok?"

"Why would anyone wanna do that to you guys, Faith?"

"I dunno, but I'm gonna find out. I just need you to hold things together here."

"Don't fuckin' give me a speech like," She lowers her voice to my register, 'If I don't come back take care of Buffy for me'."

Heh, shit, she knows me too well and I should kick her ass for makin' fun of my voice. But she's my aunt so she gets a pass.

"You ain't goin' nowhere, not as long as I'm alive, you got that?" She looks in my eyes and I'm scared.

She'd scare the fuckin' devil himself.

"Got it."

"Good, now go in there to Buffy, she had that look in her eyes." She winks at me.

"What look?"

"I've been pregnant three times, I had the look _a lot_ when I was as pregnant as she is. Made your Uncle Jim late to work on many occasions."

"Ew, ok, gotcha, stop sharin' alright?!"

She shoves me, "Ha! Oh, and me walkin' in on you two doin' things twice now isn't too much sharin'?"

"We weren't 'doin' things' when you walked in, when you knocked, yeah, but not when you walked in." I wink at her and she laughs.

"Get goin', strunze."

"Love ya, Dee."

"Ditto, Faith."

Man, that makes me feel so much better. Hopeful even.

I dunno why.

*****

"So where were we?" Buffy purrs in my ear. She's on me as soon as I'm back in the room.

"You still wanna?"

She looks kinda guilty and now I feel like a complete ass. She can't help it if she's feelin' mega horny, it happens, just like Aunt Dee said, and that thought just made me shudder.

"C'mon, and sit on my lap here, B." I pat my lap as I sit on the edge of the bed.

"I'll crush you." She pouts.

"You're not that big, and besides, since when did I turn fragile?"

That gets a smile from her and she stands more in front of me but she still doesn't sit on my lap right away. I'm gonna have to make this right, so I take her by the hand and turn her facin' away from me, pullin' her down onto my lap. I place my hands on her stomach and she puts her hands over mine. We sit like that for a while, not sayin' nothin' just bein' with each other, quietly.

I feel some weird things goin' on under the surface of her stomach. Feels all bubbly.

"That happen all the time?"

"Lately, it's just been like I've got gas bubbles, but it's not really gas."

I kiss her shoulder.

"What's the matter Faith?"

"Why you think somethin's the matter, B?"

"Because you let out a sigh before you kissed my shoulder."

"Oh, of course, I forgot you spoke kisses and sighs."

"I do," She chuckles. "Now what were you thinking?"

I'm about to say nothin', but then that's a complete give away, so I decide to surprise her and go with somethin'.

"I just was thinkin' how much I'm puttin' you through."

"That's a start, a completely crazy start, but keep going."

Bitch. Heh.

"Well, if it weren't for you bein' pregnant…" She cuts me off with a scoff.

"Just stop that whole line of thinking! You're making me nuts with it, Faith! We both wanted this, you didn't _force_ me to get pregnant!"

I shudder at the emphasis she put on the word force.

Damn, fuckin' insecurities. They're really pissin' her off and that's the opposite of what I was tryin' to accomplish here.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just…you coulda been with me tonight, lookin' for the gang."

We're quiet for a while. And then I hear her sigh.

"What's the matter, Buffy?"

She sighs again.

"B?"

"I feel…"

I let her say what she's gotta, not tryin' to rush her.

"Whatta ya feel, baby?"

"Selfish…I guess."

I give her shoulder another kiss.

"And grateful that I don't have to be the one in there, looking for the bodies of my sister and friends."

Damn, that brings tears to my eyes. But I suck it up, I don't wanna have this turn into a bawlfest, 'cause I still am positive about findin' them alive somewhere. Maybe a vault or somethin'.

"Will's a clever witch, she woulda thought of somethin'. To get 'em out of there in time." She fuckin' better have, I'm not gonna be happy if I gotta sweep up Scooby bits. And yeah, that sounds cold and callous, but I gotta be or I'm gonna just cry like a baby for hours, and that's not gonna help no one. "I promise, B. I'll find 'em."

"I know you will, Faith. With you and Satsu on the job, I'm feeling much better about not being there."

"I wouldn't let you go even if you did want to be there. The dust and shit, even with masks it's been hard breathin'."

"Poor baby." She turns and gives me a sweet kiss.

And just like that I want her again, so, so bad.

As soon as the kiss breaks we look in each other's eyes. I can see what I'm feelin' reflected in her beautiful hazel eyes, they're darker right now, kinda almost green. Man, I hope the baby has her eyes, not just dull brown. Although B says she loves my brown eyes, but she's a little nuts, so I don't listen.

"You wanna lay down a little?"

She nods.

I help her off my lap and then slide up with her on the bed. Once she's settled I cradle her to me and bury my face in her neck. I breathe deep. That's the stuff I've been thinkin' about all night. Shit, it's like crack to me.

When I'm nibblin' and suckin' on her neck she pushes me away. Fuck, I'm dumb, she's just lookin' for comfort, I shouldn't be tryin' to fuck her.

I lift my head up and go to say I'm sorry but she looks like she's got somethin' to say, so I raise an eyebrow in question.

"I was interrupted earlier, I still wanna…"

Heh. Fuck me.

FUCK ME, DUDE!! She's makin' me so fuckin' horny!

"Wanna what?" I manage to rasp out.

She looks embarrassed and it makes me wanna laugh. "Eat…out."

"Can't deny a pregnant woman, when she wants to eat." I wink at her.

I sit up and help her off with her night gown and then go to take off my t-shirt but she stops me. She's got that look that tells me she's in charge and I have to be patient. Once my t-shirt has joined her nightgown on the floor she cups my breasts. That's got me moanin' and she tells me I have to be quiet.

"We shouldn't wake up everyone else, they shouldn't know."

Once she makes me come, the whole fuckin' state'll know, and probably half of New York. This particular safe house is over in Jersey, it's a freestandin' town house that's surrounded by an apartment buildin' and rows of two-family houses. You would never know it was back here unless you were lookin' at it from above.

Rona used to rent it out before she went down to D.C. as leader, she liked the area, and the people, all diverse. Plus I think she was in love with a Brazilian chick who lived in the house in front. But it was a really great find. Giles immediately bought it when it was put up for sale. If I didn't love our apartment, I'd have come here to live. Tree lined street with actual grass, but still close together. I like close together, don't do that well with spacious and sprawlin'. It's real close to the city too, just a few PATH stops away from Manhattan.

As I'm thinkin' all this, B gets me ready so she can start workin' her magic on my body, she slides off the bed and has me positioned just like she did before Aunt Dee interrupted. She winks at me and sits back on her haunches, slidin' her hands down her body and right to her snatch.

Fuck! My pussy contracts at that beautiful sight. She better take these shorts off me soon, they're gettin' soaked.

Next she slides her hands up my legs, I can feel she's leavin' a trail of her wetness on me. Markin' me. In a flash, she pounces and I fall back onto the mattress, she's breathin' me in and tryin' to pull the shorts off with her teeth.

Damn!

"Woah, B! Chill girl, I'll help ya get the shorts off."

Fuck, I think she just growled at me. I better just lay back and let her have her way. Who am I to deny her what she wants?

She pulls more forcefully with her teeth and I lift my hips a bit, helpin' her out. When she gets them half way off, she decides it's takin' too long and reaches up and snatches them off.

God, I LOVE when she gets like this. It just makes me crazy. She takes a long leisurely lick up my thigh as she's makin' her way up my body.

I know she'll probably want to spend some time kissin' and stuff, but is it wrong to want her to just get busy doin' her thing?

Next thing I know I can feel her nose pressed into my snatch and she's breathin' in deep.

"God, Faith, you smell so good. So, sweet. It's making my mouth water."

Oh fuck me, just fuck me, please.

She grants my silent request by pushin' her tongue in my pussy, and wigglin' it around. I lift my head to see the sight that makes my heart want to blow the fuck outta my chest each and every time I see it.

Buffy Summers suckin' on my pussy. It just doesn't get any better than that.

I'm gonna kiss Satsu for breakin' through her straight barrier. Well, I would kiss her if I wanted to get a Buffy sized shoe imbedded in my ass, so I gotta be careful with stuff like that. Especially with the way her hormones have been doin' the whacky lately.

Not that I'd go around kissin' other girls though. I'm strictly a one woman girl now.

Forever.

I lay back down and put the pillow over my face while she works her magic, and she fuckin' works it good!!

My feet automatically hook under her arm pits tryin' to pull her closer and get her in deeper. I can hear her chuckle at my eagerness.

I wanna scream at her teasin' but then she gives me what I want. What I need. What I crave.

She replaces her tongue with two fingers, seekin' out my g-spot and gluin' her lips onto my clit. The pillow is gettin' wet with my spit 'cause I've stuffed it in my mouth to drown out the yells and guttural moans.

I can't control my legs and I'm worried I'm gonna hurt her with 'em, but she's not stoppin' or givin' me a chance to get my wits about me, so I'll just do what I can not to kick the shit out of her back and head. She adds another finger and thrusts harder and keeps her suctionin' up on my clit. She's found my g with her fingers and she's hittin' it with every thrust.

Fuck she's so, so good.

After a few minutes of her thrustin', lickin' and suckin', I start to feel like I'm tryin' to hold onto something that can barely be held and it's stretchin' thinner and thinner until it fuckin' snaps and my head explodes.

Fuck that, my whole body explodes.

When I come to, I'm on the bed in a proper position. Ya know, not with my head hangin' off the ceilin' all splattered, and my arms and legs stuck to different walls, like I thought I'd be. Buffy's cuddled into my side, breathin' kinda heavy, I'm about to get upset with her about strainin' herself, when she turns her head slightly and latches that beautiful mouth onto my nipple.

"Mmmm, Buffy, God, what're you doin'?" I gasp.

I hear some rustlin' of the covers she's got draped over us, and it's perfectly timed with her moans.

Oh yeah, baby, I know what my dirty girl's doin'! She's gettin' herself off. Oh fuck! That's too hot!

But I'm here and I like to be involved as much as possible. I'm considerate like that. Or selfish, but whatever, I want some and I'm gonna get it!

She whimpers her disapproval when I break her contact with my breast, and I immediately pull her up more so I can kiss her pout away. I thrust my tongue in her mouth as soon as I thrust my fingers in her eager pussy, keepin' in time with the back and forth motion. She's still fingerin' her clit and her moans are gettin' desperate. Even though I've got a lock on her mouth she's still bein' way too noisy, and I want her to get even noisier, so I break our kiss and do a quick silence spell.

"OH FUCK YES!! FAITH!! YES!!!!"

Wow, that blew out my eardrum, but who the fuck cares, she's gonna come for me. Good, hard, and now.

Her pussy is spasmin' on my fingers and she's thrashin' around like a fish outta water. I slink down on the bed and position her sweet hole right over my waterin' mouth. I'm not the only one with a sweet pussy. Buffy's like fuckin' candy to me.

"OH GOD, YES!!!!" She yells as she feels my tongue pushin' into her hole. I brace myself for what I know are gonna be some hard thrusts into my face, 'cause she's at that point in her orgasm where she's just workin' on instinct.

Instinct and feelin'. Two things she knows really well.

I got some instincts of my own, and right now they're tellin' me that her clit can handle just a little bit more, so I pull her up slightly and attach my mouth on her pulsin' bud like I'm suckin' on a piece of ice in the hot desert. Heh. Her hole keeps meltin' juice all over my chin.

I'm gonna _love_ clean up time.

My hands are pullin' and kneadin' at her ass cheeks, and I'm just lightly rimmin' her hole back there. It's just to give her some nice sensations, we haven't done that in a while and I don't wanna hurt her, I'm all about given her sensations that'll have her ridin' the white hot pillowy clouds of a mind blowin' orgasm for a while longer.

And I have a feelin' that it's workin' 'cause she's fuckin' my face like tomorrow's never comin'. But she's gonna come, that's for fuckin' true.

All of a sudden she rears up and her body goes rigid, and if I didn't know that she did this when she's really havin' an intense orgasm, I'd think she just had a heart attack or a stroke or somethin'. Her body's quiverin' and shakin' and she lets out a high pitched "FAITH!" That would be heard in fuckin' Schenectady. I can hear some dogs barkin' in the distance, and I wonder if they can hear through the silence spell.

I think some fucked up things durin' sex, I think I've told you that before.

While she's comin' down off her high, I'm in my glory just where I am, lickin' and lappin' at the juice that's runnin' out of her hole. It's givin' me the greatest joy just to lay here and try and catch it before it drips onto her clit and mound, and lappin' at it makes her quiver and shudder.

"Faith…" She says breathlessly. "Y-you…you gotta stop."

"Mmmmm, don't wanna."

She rolls away and I go with her.

"P-please, Faith, just let me rest a bit."

I hold myself up above her body, just hoverin' on my arms and do a bear-like walk above my prey. My beautiful prey.

Buffy cracks one eye open 'cause she can feel me still loomin' over her.

"I think you killed me."

"Not yet, but I can try durin' round two."

She laughs. "You'd do that to me?" Cue fake hurt look. "You'd kill me?"

Damn, I know she was kiddin' but that takes me back and I roll off her to the side, just starin' up at the ceilin'. I can sense she knows she said the wrong thing and doesn't know how to break the silence.

The fuckin' frightenin' thing is I think I'm already killin' her, just by this accelerated pregnancy thing. Fuck, if the pregnancy is accelerated then what's the birth gonna be like? The contractions? Damn, that thought frightens the fuck outta me.

Why haven't I thought of all this before? _Before_ I fuckin' got her pregnant. I'm such a dumbass! I roll over and stare at the wall, rackin' my brain to think of a way out of this.

How can I make it so the pregnancy slows down?

I need to find the gang, and not only for a pow-wow session on how we slow B's pregnancy, but because I'm scared that they're dead, and I need to know for sure. All the stress can't be good for B and the baby.

While all this shit's goin' around and around in my head on a loop I feel the bed shift, and she's touchin' my back like she's worried I'll blow any second.

The sigh I let out makes me realize I was holdin' my breath for quite some time. Damn, I just sounded like Giles there.

Giles.

*****

"Faith, will you please turn off that infernal racket!"

"Don't get the G-string in a bunch, G." I say as I turn down the stereo. "I was only showin' Sidestep here what real music was."

"That's the lamest version of my name you've managed to come up with so far. Faithless."

"Oh, I have 'faith' alright." I smirk at Satsu.

"Yeah?" She rises to the challenge.

"Yeah. And ya know who else has 'faith'?"

She narrows her eyes at me, and I can just _see_ the daggers shootin' out.

"Buffy." She spits out.

"Yep," I put my fingers up to my mouth makin' a V "Every night." I stick my tongue through 'em and I wiggle it while simultaneously wigglin' the brows.

"Oh, Good Lord!" Giles says and huffs off to the kitchen. Probably gonna put on some tea to calm his granny nerves.

"Well, since it's _you_ she's getting every night, I'd say she was getting the short end of the stick. Your tongue is probably not 100%, yet."

I laugh, "Don't you worry, Sattzy, I could make a bow out of a rubber tree plant with this tongue." I'm stickin' it out and pointin' at it with both hands, illustratin' how far I can stick it out. Heh. And in.

Giles is comin' in the room so she doesn't make the snide ass comment she was about to make, he doesn't break stride as he walks right up to me and grabs a hold of my tongue. Fuck dude, that fuckin' HURTS!

"Gllls!"

"Faith, I'm only going to tell you this once, Satsu, you'll do well to stop snickering and listen." He brings up his other hand and presses the button on the switch blade he's holdin'. My eyes go wide at the blade, 'cause it looks fuckin' sharp, I stop strugglin'. "We've got a serious mission coming up in the next few days, and while I like a bit of letting off steam, I will not tolerate this silly posturing over who can best use their tongue on Buffy."

He's fuckin' DEAD when he lets me go!! Right now my tongue is still healin' from the number Buffy's punch did on it, and I can't take any chances to try and pull myself away, it could rip right the fuck out.

"Now, since I have the proverbial cat by the tongue so to speak, allow me to lay down some ground rules."

These better be quick, G-man, and you better be quicker, 'cause I'm gettin' that knife and guttin' you when you let go.

"One, no more talk about who is better in bed with Buffy. She's like a daughter to me, and no father can stand to hear what their daughter gets up to in her bed. Two, no postulation on who's the better slayer, you both have a lot to learn and you can learn a lot from each other if you'd just shut up and listen to each other. Three, we all share ideas and thoughts, but keep the snarky ones to yourself, or at least not while you are researching, in the field, or in my presence. And last but certainly not least, while I cannot make you play more acceptable music, I shall ask you to play it at a less grating-on-my-nerves level."

Ok, now let my tongue go, fucker, you have a date with my fists.

"Satsu, your assistance is required over here, please."

Huh?

"What do you want _me_ to do?" She's startled.

"Hold her arms at her sides."

"How?" She sounds scared, and she should be.

Giles sighs, "Stand behind her and use Klondusky's hold."

"What?!"

"A hold used in grappling."

"A what now?"

"Oh for heaven's sake! A bear hug!"

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?"

My eyes are so fuckin' tryin' to bore a whole through this imperialistic bastard's head, it's not funny. If I had some kinda death ray powers he'd be melted right down to his fuckin' boringly stylish wingtips.

Satsu gets a really good hold on me. Better than I thought she would, so I have to struggle harder than I thought to try to break it. Shit, I'm gettin' tired.

Giles let's go of my tongue and jumps back.

"You…" I spit on the ground. "Better…fuckin…pray…your…hands…were…clean."

"I just washed them."

"And…you…better…fuckin'…run!"

"No, no running, Faith. That would lead to calling, and calling would lead to talking, and you know who the first person I'd tell that a certain slayer was trying to kill me?"

Fuck face! He's threatening me with callin' B and tellin' her I've become a murderous bitch. Again.

Try as I fuckin' might, I can't break this bitch's hold, she's too fuckin' strong. It makes me frustrated, and I feel like I'm about to bawl.

That makes me even more mad, and frustrated and then I can't help it, the tears just run down my face.

"Satsu, you may let her go."

"Are you sure?" Her voice is strained.

"Absolutely." Giles still has that eerily calm voice he's been usin' this whole time.

She hugs me tighter for a few moments, probably tryin' to figure out how she's gonna get away without dyin'.

"I said, let her go!" That makes me jump a little and for some reason my anger dissolves, and it's pourin' out of my eyes.

Satsu does as she's told and backs away quickly.

I don't know why, but I just stand there cryin' silently.

"Satsu, will you please leave us alone now?"

"Sure." She says that without any of the smartassedness we've been throwin' back and forth in the past day and a half since comin' to London.

I hear her leave the room and Giles steps closer to me.

"I'm sorry for doing that, Faith."

"You better have a damn good reason, G-man." I wipe my mouth and my eyes with my sleeve. He gives me his handkerchief. I should just keep one of these for myself, but I'm not stuffy and British, so I don't.

"I needed to see if Satsu could follow orders, in the face of sheer terror, against her better judgment and instinct for survival."

"By threatenin' my lesbianhood?"

"Your what?"

I step up to him and faster than he can squeal like a girl, I have his switch blade in one hand, and his nuts in the other.

"If I said I was gonna chop _this_ off, what would you do?" I pull, slightly squeezin'.

"I…uhhh…see your…_point_." His voice goes higher as I squeeze tighter.

Fuck it. Lettin' go of his package I toss the knife in the air and he catches it unstealth-like.

"Don't use me as your guinea pig again." I say as I walk outta the room. "Or you'll be a eunuch."

"Yes, of course." He says quietly.

After washin' my face and brushin' my teeth and checkin' that my tongue didn't suffer any damage, I go into the room Satsu and I are sharin'. She's lookin' scared and sorry.

"So, you wanna spar later or somethin'?" I say as I flop down into the worn leather arm chair near my bed, proppin' my feet up on the table next to it.

"Umm, I. Uhhh."

"Yes, or no?"

"I dunno."

"Look, Strunze, I'm not gonna end you, what happened down there wasn't your fault. Giles wanted to see if I was gonna go off the deep end, and if you were gonna shit your Hello Kittys. He's a clever fuck, and that may one day get him killed. But I love him and it's gonna take more than him threatenin' to take my tongue off for me to want to kill him and you over it."

Her shoulders relax and her eyebrow goes up in a smirk. I can see what Buffy saw in her.

Me.

"What's with the smirk?"

"Well, I was just gonna offer…"

"Oral? Fuck no, Buffy would kill me, and then slit your throat with my collar bone." I hold in the laugh that visual brings to her face. "'Sides, I don't do shit like that anymore. It's just me and Buffy from here on out."

"That's good to hear, but I was just gonna offer to be your stand in…ya know, if you need a tongue helper."

"Ohhhh, still with the smartass, huh?"

"I said I needed to learn from the best." She winks.

I jump up suddenly and land squarely on my feet, she had walked towards me so we're standin' nose to nose. My face breaks out in a grin and I hug her to me.

"And I'll teach you everything I know."

"Everything?" The suggestiveness in that question is not lost on me.

"No, not _everything_, well at least not in the physical sense, I can tell you how to make a girl come for ten minutes straight." I wink at her. "But you'll have to go practice on someone else."

"How about I tell you about the time I made Buffy come…"

I reach up and hold her tongue. "You'd best not finish that sentence if you don't wanna know what it's like to have your tongue sewed back on." I let go of her and she laughs.

"Oh, this is gonna be _fun_!"

Yeah, it is!

Me and my new buddy, Satellite.

*****

An hour later and me and G are goin' over some last minute plans. Satsu's gone to pick up somethin' for us to eat. It's her first mission, she better not fail 'cause I'm fuckin' starvin'!

"I'm really sorry about earlier, Faith."

"I get why you did it, G." I point to his crotch. "My threat on your family jewels still stands if you try it again, though."

He laughs nervously and then clears his throat. "May I ask what the tears were about?"

I sigh, dunno if I wanna share that, but I don't wanna lie to him. He's been really good to me these last months, and I have a feelin' things are just gonna get better for us in the future.

"I…just… felt helpless I guess. And like I'd done somethin' wrong. Like really wrong, to get that kind of anger from you." I shrug my shoulders.

"What did it make you feel?"

He's tryin' to shrink me again, and I hate it, but somehow I let him every time, 'cause I always end up feelin' better about myself and everything else.

"It felt like when I was four and clutchin' my teddy bear while my mother screamed in my face that I was a no good whore."

His breathin' sounds fucked up and he takes a few minutes longer then I thought it would to respond.

"You know that's not true though, don't you?"

I shrug again.

"Surely by now, you know you matter, Faith. Yes?"

My sigh is long and deep and I lay my head on my arms restin' on the table.

Giles keeps goin' in his soothin' voice.

"There are some things in this life that simply don't matter, sentiments like that about you are one of them. You're what matters, Faith. You and your wonderful sense of humor, your love for Buffy, her love for you, and your sense of duty and honor. They're what matter, not the miss-spoken words of a drunken mother who was so scared to have a child who loved her, that she had to make her hate her."

Fuck, that's exactly what Ma was doin'. Pushin' me away before I walked away on my own. Shit, she and I were a lot alike. I just hope if I have any kids that I don't fuck 'em up like that.

"You forgot somethin' else that matters, G."

"Yes?"

I lift my head up and startle him by huggin' the fuckin' stuffin' out of him. "You matter to me, Giles. You're so much more than I ever deserved."

His voice comes out strained, like he can't breathe, "Nonsense, Faith. You're very wor-thy. Uhhh…a little less pressure, perhaps?"

Oops! I loosen my hold.

"Thank you." He sounds relieved.

"No, thank _you_, G-man."

"You're very welcome, anytime." He fixes his glasses on his face and pulls the map closer to us. "Now, where were we?"

I love this stuffy British bastard, and if anyone tries to mess with him they're gettin' their throat cut so bad they'll look like a fuckin' bobblehead.

*****

Damn, that seems like so long ago, longer than the two years it actually was, that's for sure.

"Faith, honey, what're you thinking about? And don't you dare say 'nothin'."

That makes me chuckle, everybody loves to do my voice. They suck!

I'm layin' here, listenin' to the happenin's and goin's on in Buffy's stomach. It sounds like the kid's havin' a party. She places a hand in my hair and rubs my scalp soothingly, every so often she lightly scratches it and it makes me wanna do the dog leg reaction, 'cause it's funny. So I do. Heh.

She laughs and I can hear it through her belly. Her motherlovin', ever growin', big and beautiful belly. Well, it's not hugely big, but I'd say she's a coupla more weeks pregnant than when I first got here this afternoon. Shit, I shouldn't leave her like this. But I gotta be out by midnight, 'cause that's when I told Satsu and the others I'd meet 'em in the control room.

Satsu knows from our time in London it's best not to try to disturb me before that, so I'm not worried about her not findin' me in my room. She almost lost part of her ear for her troubles. But that's a story for a different day.

"So, what were you thinking?"

"About how to find the gang, and the fact that I wish I had Giles here to tell me what to do."

"I know, I was just thinking the same thing."

I lift my head and kiss her belly. I whisper some lovin' things to it, 'cause who knows if the kid has ears yet or not, Buffy could be carryin' low and not really showin' and the next time we make love, the kid could be smackin' me on the nose tellin' me to get out of its way.

Man, my brain is so fucked up.

Buffy whispers her love to me and I walk my lips up her body, endin' in the sweetest, most lovin' kiss I've ever gotten in my life.

She just keeps blowin' me away, every time we're together. I never knew love like this existed.

After we make out for a while, I settle in behind her, she said she feels more comfortable layin' on her side, somethin' about it relievin' the pressure the baby's puttin' on her organs, and the blood flowin' better.

Whatever she needs to feel better, she'll let me know and I'll help her find it or work it out myself, 'cause this kid's not gonna be a burden on its mommy before it's even born.

And there's that line of thinkin' that I have to stop before I start hatin' the kid for Buffy's swollen feet.

She's tracin' patterns on the arm I have draped over her, holdin' her stomach. I try not to tickle her by movin' my hand too much, 'cause she's gettin' more ticklish. Another thing I never even knew was possible.

"So you're going back in there as soon as you get back?"

"Yep, we're waitin' for nightfall and then goin' in, probably about two am, it seemed a good hour the last time."

She nods, "Sounds good."

"Mmmhmm." I kiss her shoulder and neck again, breathin' in her scent, 'cause who knows when we can be together like this for a while.

"You know what Giles would say?"

"More to the left?"

"Shut up, perv! That's so ick!" She slaps my arm, but she's laughin' and it makes me laugh, too. "No," She says when she gets a hold of herself. "He'd say to go back to the beginning."

"Where? Sunnydale? It's a crater, Buffy."

"No…"

"Scotland?"

"No! Would you let me talk? He'd say to go back to where things started going freaky."

"Uh, for me that was childbirth, B. You're gonna have to get more specific than that."

She sighs, "I mean when stuff, _in the last two weeks_, was unexplainable."

"Again, more specific."

She lets out that little Buffy growl that I've come to know means to just shut the fuck up and let her talk or get bit.

"I think you need to search the rooms we stayed at in Boston, for clues about Vi and Rona."

Why didn't she just say that?! But I don't ask her that, 'cause I'm learnin'. Like a good puppy.

"We'll make an excursion right after we do the rest of the floors of the Academy."

"I'll make a few calls, try to reserve those same rooms."

"We've still got Vi and Rona's on a retainer, didn't want the cops askin' questions about the people that were in there."

"Good." She sounds excited. "You know what I'm thinking?"

Oh fuck, here we go.

"Yes, and I don't think it's wise."

"But you'll let me because you love me."

"Is this about sex?"

"You're such a perv!"

Goddamn, how do I get her from not wantin' to search the rooms without her kickin' my ass out?

I'm gonna need to call in the big guns for this.


	38. Rememberin' How We Got Here & Who We Are

Chapter 38- Rememberin' How We Got Here and Who We Are

We wake up from our nap, and notice a tray that's been put in the room, just inside the door; it has a flower and a note on it. Buffy jumps up and goes to it.

"Food, Faith!!" She's jumpin' like it's fuckin' Christmas and Santy Claus just brought her the Barbie Dreamhouse.

Never had one of those on Christmas mornin', so really I dunno what that looks like. I hated Barbie anyway, and it's comfortin' to know that in this fuckin' economy Barbie woulda been evicted after defaultin' on her adjustable rate mortgage 'cause the interest rates sky rocketed and her payments ballooned. That and the fuckin' Barbie Dreamvette woulda been repossessed 'cause she couldn't afford the payments after payin' $80 a day in gas to go to back and forth to Malibu.

What the fuck am I sayin'?! I totally wanted Barbie's house and car, I'm just bitter 'cause I never got 'em.

Buffy's busy standin' in front of the tray stuffin' toast and what looks like an omelet in her face. She's so hungry she's gruntin' a bit. Heh. That's too cute.

"Fffth, vey meyd buffuss forrus!" Oh man, she's gonna kill me with cuteness today.

"Really? Buffuss? Mmmmm! I love buffuss!" I get up and walk over to her. She sticks her tongue out before she downs half a glass of orange juice.

"Ready to go again there, B?" I wink at her and blow her a kiss.

She scoffs and points to the tray.

"Buffuss!!"

"I know, breakfast, yes. They're wonderful for doin' that, ain't they?"

She finishes what she has in her mouth.

"I was so worried about you earlier that I couldn't eat," She realizes she said somethin' wrong, and shuts up real quick.

"Buffy, I don't need to be hearin' that! Fuck, you gotta stop worryin' about me!"

She puts the glass back down on the tray and looks away, I can tell she's gonna start with the tears any minute, and I wanna slap myself.

"I uh," She starts to say and then stops.

Fuck, I'm the biggest asshole in the world! I go to her and hug her from behind. She immediately turns around in my arms and hugs me tight.

"I'm sorry, Faith." She's cryin'. "I can't help it, I know I shouldn't do it, but I can't help it. I just love you so much, I can't think of ever losing you."

"I know what you mean, 'cause I feel the same way about you. And I'm sorry for reactin' like I did. I just don't want you stressin', especially not over me, 'cause I'll be fine, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know. I guess it's these hormones, making me all whacky." She tries to laugh lightheartedly.

We pull back from the hug slightly and I look into her eyes. So beautiful, even all teary.

"But I like when you're whacky. Especially that whacky thing you did with your tongue earlier."

"Oh you liked that, huh?" She smiles proudly and winks.

"What was your first clue? When I screamed my head off, or when I passed out?"

She chuckles and then leans in for a kiss.

"C'mere, B. Let me bring the tray over to the bed and feed you and treat you all special."

"Oooh, like Queen Buffy?!"

"Exactly like Queen Buffy."

She hops up on the bed excitedly and lies back on the pillows, she's awaitin' her servant to attend to her, so she can commence the feastin'.

She's still naked and I just wanna feast on her, but I know she's hungry so I have to keep it in check. 'Sides I've only got an hour to get back to makeshift headquarters, so we can finish combin' through the wreckage of the real headquarters.

That thought makes me depressed. I hide it by shovin' a whole pancake in my mouth.

"Piggy." Buffy giggles and I smile lookin' down at the tray. Damn, they made our favorites, even my special. This is gonna be some good eats! I pick up the tray with the stand and all and bring it over to the bed.

She's just layin' back, and I'm feedin' her and each time her tongue comes out I wanna toss the food to the floor and ravish her. But the little baby needs to be fed, not just the big baby that's in front of me poutin' 'cause I ate a bite of her waffles.

I'm glad we have this time together, not only so we can just relax and be chill, but so I can figure out how I'm gonna make her forget about goin' up to Boston to play Sherlock Holmes.

I know she thinks it's safe and all, but that fuckface Parker Abrams and Bobby and Laurie Cochrane are still alive, so I'm not takin' any chances.

They'll be dealt with soon enough.

Once the last of the eggs, bacon and tomatoes are gone, I wipe the queen's mouth for her and kneel at the side of the bed, takin' her hand in mine.

"Anything else my Queen desires?"

"The note."

"What note?"

"The one that was on the tray, I wanna see the note."

I look over at the tray and there it is, I had forgotten about it. It's from Aunt Dee.

I read it to myself.

_Dear Faith and Buffy, _

_The silencing spell thingy didn't work, I didn't want to have to come up here and tell you that, so we all went down to the basement to watch TV very loudly until it was safe. I figured you two would be really hungry after all that, so enjoy. _

_Love, Dee. _

_P.S. It's a good thing Gee Gee wasn't with us, I wouldn't have been able to get her to stop crossing herself after each 'Fuck' you dirty mouths were yelling._

Oh shit.

"What is it, Faith?"

"You really don't wanna know, Buffy."

She looks panic stricken and clutches at her stomach. What the fuck?!

"W-was it…p-poisoned?!"

Oh, no!!

"No! Nothin' like that, baby. But uhhh…" I hand over the note to her.

She takes it from me and quickly reads. "Should we offer to pay for the girls' therapy?"

"Those little miscreants were probably makin' moanin' noises to accentuate what was goin' on so they could torture their parents even more, they may look innocent and sweet but they can be bitches of the highest order, _believe_ me."

"We need a permanent sound proofed room, no relying on spells anymore."

"Heh, Red would tell you to bite your tongue."

Shit.

Red.

*****

"Whatcha got there, Will?"

"Protection spell for the building but I can't work out what the last two lines are."

"Who wrote it? Jeffrey Dahmer? That's serial killer writin' right there." I point to it.

"Andrew," Dawn says with a chuckle.

"Damn, I'm takin' back my spare key from Xander, don't need the little dude killin' me in my sleep."

"Oh, he loves you, Faith, so shut up!" Buffy says from across the room.

"Yeah right, he loves that Zac Ephron dude. He musta watched that Hairspray thing at least a dozen times."

"That was a great movie!" The girls yell out in unison.

"That Amanda Bynes sure grew up didn't she?" Xander winks at me and I wiggle the brows, the next thing I know a book comes sailin' passed my head and it scares the shit outta Will as it booms on the table next to her.

"What'd I do?!" I look at B like she's crazy. She's lucky she wasn't really tryin' to hit me with that. Or I'm lucky, whatever. Point is, that woulda 'caused some serious damage.

"You know what you did, pervert, she's like 18!"

"For your information, _Curt Schilling_, she's…" I look at Xander for help. "How old is she Xand?"

"Twenty," He provides helpfully.

"See, twenty, fair game for ogling." I put my hands in front of my chest and mime titty bouncin'. This time a smaller book connects straight and true with my head. "OW!!" I rub where it hit. "Buffy! No frickin' fair! I don't throw books at you when you ogle your crushes."

"What crushes?!"

"Oh, do I have to tell everyone, B?" I say with a sinister grin.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't have any crushes! So who cares?"

"I seem to remember, one certain slayer…"

"Faith, I've got one of Giles' compendiums right in my hand!" She holds it up to show me.

Giles rushes in and snatches it away from her. "Buffy, please, not Grosner's compendium," Heh, good lookin' out G-man. I give B a smug look. "Here, use Fink's, it's much more dense, and less expensive."

"Et tu, G-man?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"I think I've got it!!"

Saved by a Willow.

"Whatcha got, Will?"

"The last two lines, look!" She shoves it over to me. It's in Latin and Dawnie who's been lookin' over my shoulder picks it up and looks at it more closely.

"Faith can't read Latin." She knits her brows and reads to herself.

Giles gives me a look and I shrug at him.

"What do you think, Dawnie?" Will says.

"Change the ad to an id and I'd say you were in business."

Buffy catches my eye and she's still shootin' daggers.

Fuck, why do I gotta mess with her? She'll hold out on me again tonight, she's been doin' that lately. Mostly because it works.

I'm such a pussy. When I don't get any pussy. Heh.

But I'm dumb, so I gotta push.

"How long's it been since you heard from Sensei, B?"

She stiffens and her grip around the book tightens. I hope Giles didn't want that one.

It fuckin' pisses me off that she's still so quick to violence, though. We've been goin' out for about a year now, and she's still strugglin' with rule number one.

No one would believe that it's not me that's quick to hit. But whatever. As long as their precious Buffy's rep is intact, they'll overlook her violent streak.

Fuck, I've managed to go from playful to black cloud in about a minute. I better go do somethin' else.

"Faith, where're you going?" Buffy calls out.

"I have a class I have to teach in fifteen minutes. See you at home."

I can hear a chair screech along the floor and someone that sounds very near to Buffy's height and weight is rushin' to catch up.

Yeah, I can tell just by the way someone walks or runs, or breathes for that matter, how tall they are and much they weigh. And usually their perfume is a dead giveaway. Like hers, it makes my heart race.

"Faith!" She stops behind me. "What's the matter?"

"Nothin's the matter, Buffy; why's somethin' gotta be the matter? I gotta go teach."

That doesn't fly with her apparently, 'cause she's pullin' me by my shirtsleeve and tryin' to get me to turn around.

"I don't get a goodbye kiss?"

Oh, yeah, god forbid her highness doesn't get a kissy. She waits all huffy, shiftin' her weight to her other foot.

I lean in and kiss her nose, and turn and run up the stairs.

"You're so in trouble later!!"

I know, I'm always in trouble. What's new?

*****

"Faith, out with it!" Will barks at me.

"Out with what, Will?"

"Out with what's been eating at you for the past hour."

"Whadda ya mean?"

"I mean, why there're girls runnin' from the room in tears, and the bag over there is broken." She points to the sandbag that's all busted and in a pile on the floor.

I shrug.

"Faith…"

"What?!" I snap and then instantly feel guilty about it, so I turn away.

"Does it have to do with Buffy's crush?"

That makes me laugh.

"It's got to do with everything and nothin', Will. It's ok, though, I'll deal."

"No you won't, you'll let it fester and then it'll come out in explodey ways. So, again I ask you to spill. Please?"

I sigh defeated.

Fuck, I'm tired of feelin' like this, like I still don't matter. I'm tired of everyone havin' to come after me and gettin' me to share.

I'm just tired.

"Is the stress of your anniversary coming up getting to you?"

I stiffen.

"Did you forget you had an anniversary coming up?" Willow says more concerned than before.

"No, I didn't forget. It's…"

"Complicated?" She says at the same time I say, "Hard for me to say."

"I thought so, so why don't you come and talk to me?" She nods her head towards her office.

"Will, you don't have to do this, really."

"Faith, it's nothing, it's just two friends chatting, right?"

"No, it's one fucked up friend telling another how fucked up she is."

"Faith, what's wrong?" She sounds a bit more alarmed.

We go into the office and I sit down on her couch with a huff. I'm sweatin' from the workout I put the girls through, but I don't give a shit, even though it's uncomfortable 'cause it makes me stick to the leather.

Willow goes to her cabinet and pulls out a towel, "As nice a visual it is to have a sweaty slayer on my couch, you look pretty uncomfortable all sticking to the upholstery." She tosses it over to me.

"Thanks."

She then goes over to her mini fridge and gets a bottle of water out.

"Heads up," She throws that too and I catch it with my other hand.

"Again, thanks."

"Are you all comfortable now?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Good," She sits next to me and taps my arm. "Spill."

I'm done with this bullshit, I go to spill, but not in the way she wants me to. I tip the open bottle of water upside down and get this weird satisfaction of watchin' it start to spill out.

It doesn't get very far from the mouth of the bottle. Witchfu points her finger at it and holds it up into the bottle.

Can't fuckin' beat that one. I just better spill for real.

"What's bugging you?"

"Why no one thinks that I can do stuff, like the translations, Dawnie just assumes I don't know Latin."

"You know Latin?"

"Yeah. See?"

"Woah, sorry, Faith. I didn't know that. Buffy never said."

"Buffy doesn't know."

"So let me get this straight, you didn't tell anyone, but you expect people to know."

"I'm just sayin', no one asked me."

"Do you want to see the spell?"

"Nah, Dawnie proofread, but all I'm sayin' is everyone thinks I'm just a grunt, a big stupid meathead."

"I don't think that, Faith. And I'm pretty sure no one else does, especially not Buffy."

"Wow, Will. I feel so much better, thanks." I go to get up and she pulls me back down.

"Somehow I don't think that's all that was bothering you."

"Willow."

"Faith."

"Hey, look, we have that thing comin' up, let's talk about this then."

"I have a feeling you're gonna need to get it out before then."

"Just let it go, Will."

"I won't, Faith."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME WILLOW?! YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!"

She looks like a lion just roared in her face, and I guess one just did.

The look on her face goes from surprised, to puzzled, to concerned and finally upset.

"Y-you wanna…you wanna break up wi-with Buffy?"

I get up and go over to the window.

"I don't know what I _want_, but I know I _feel_ like I'm drownin'."

She lets out a shaky breath; I guess she got more than she bargained for.

"Dr-drowning?"

"Yeah, like…like the walls are cavin' in, and I can't breathe or somethin'."

"Y-you were just bantering back and forth in the library an hour ago, how did it get that bad that fast?"

"It just didn't happen like that. Buffy's got that thing to go to next week, she'll be gone for a month. With Satsu."

"Oh…"

"Yeah, oh."

"Faith, you don't think…"

"Exactly," I cut her off, "I don't think, that's why I get into these messes."

She gets up and I can sense that she wants to come over to me. I really don't wanna be such a bitch, but I'm not sure how else to act right now.

"I think you think too much, sometimes." She puts her hand on my shoulder and I shrug it away.

"Whatever."

"Faith, stop that right now!"

"Look, I gotta go."

"Faith!! SIT!!" She points at the couch.

"I ain't no dog, Willow."

"Yes, well…sit, please."

"No, I'll stand, say whatcha gotta and then I'm gone."

"Get some, get gone, huh?"

"Fuck you."

"No, fuck you!"

"Is this what you wanted me here for?! So we tell each other to go fuck ourselves?"

"No, I brought you here so you could tell the truth."

"About what?!"

"About being scared,"

"Of what?!" I laugh and I don't like how it sounds. I sound like the Mayor's Faith. Chump Faith.

"Of Buffy leaving you for Satsu, when she's in England."

That makes my face go steely and my fist ball up. I can feel the muscles in my jaw twitch.

She keeps goin'. "I think it'd be best if I told her how you felt, ya know, soften the blow a bit, coming from a friend."

"How I feel?"

"That you don't want a relationship anymore."

Willow doesn't know how close she is to getting her teeth knocked out; if she did she'd stop the bullshit from spillin' out of her mouth.

"Isn't that right, Faith?"

"Fuck, this Willow, I don't appreciate you tryin' your shrink bullshit out on me. I'm gettin' the fuck outta here, and unless you want to put a spell on me I suggest you step the fuck aside."

She moves outta the way and I leave her office. I feel like puttin' my head through every wall I see.

After I shower in record time, I leave the school and bypass the normal places I'd go, usually some of the instructors go to a coffee bar not far from here to talk strategy, or just talk.

I don't really feel like bein' around anyone right now though.

My phone rings as I'm walkin' and I pull it outta my pocket.

It's Buffy.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah?"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Yeah?"

"Buffy, sorry, I didn't realize it was you, what's up?"

"I thought you were coming home right after your class."

"I stopped to talk to Will."

"I know, she called me."

Oh fuck! My heart is beatin' so hard in my chest I think I can see it.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she said you left the school two hours ago."

Two hours ago?! I thought I just left.

I stop and look around. Where the fuck am I? I look at a street sign. Boston Road. Heh.

I look at the cross street. 169th street.

Fuck, I'm in the Bronx, I didn't even realize I was going this way.

"I uhh, lost track of time."

"Are you coming home?"

That the million dollar question.

Home. My home with Buffy. One of the only homes I've never been kicked out of, or kicked in.

Standin' somewhere I have no clue how I got there, I realize how much I love her and need her and want to be with her, and if Will told her what I said about not wantin' a relationship anymore I'm gonna kill her.

"I'll be there in an hour."

"Ok, I'll be waiting."

I feel like I'm in some kinda movie where my girl's somewhere and I gotta just make it in time to catch her from leavin'.

My feet listen to my heart and I start runnin' like I'm in a race for time. People on the street must think the Flash is runnin' down the sidewalk, I'm like a woman possessed.

When I finally get to our buildin' I don't even bother with the stairs, I go right to the fire escape and hoist myself up, climbin' up to our kitchen window.

Buffy's doin' dishes at the sink and she breaks one when she jumps from the fright I gave her by lookin' in the window.

She pushes it open, "Jesus Faith! Wh-" I cut her off by slidin' in over the sink and kissin' her.

"You're soaked," She says when the kiss breaks. "Did you run all the way here?"

I nod.

"You could have gotten a taxi, Faith."

"I just wanted to see you."

"Are you ok?"

"No, but I love you."

She laughs.

"I love you, too." She pulls me the rest of the way in and hugs me to her. "You're gonna need a shower."

"I just need you."

"No, you're gonna need a shower, believe me."

"I'll go shower, but I need you to know somethin' before I go."

"What?" She sounds nervous.

Don't fuckin' chicken out here Faith, don't say somethin' smart assed.

"I was scared." I look in her eyes while I say this and she's lookin' right back in mine. "I _am_ scared."

"Of what?"

"Of this."

"Us?"

I nod my head.

"Why?"

"It's everything I've ever wanted, and I don't know how to keep it."

She doesn't answer right away; she's still lookin' in my eyes though. I feel her touch my soul.

"You don't haveto _know_ how to keep it. We'll figure that out together."

"I'm scared that Satsu is what you really want."

Her face get's a puzzled look on it, like she can't believe how stupid I am.

"Why would you think that?"

"She's better than me…in every way."

"You taught her how to be better, you're the best there is."

"Yeah right."

"Faith, I love you, and I'm damned sure not leaving you. I'm going to England to help with some of the new girls and to get Dawnie settled into where she's gonna be teaching. Then I'm coming back here and making you the happiest woman on earth, night after night."

"You already do that for me, every day."

"Good, now that's straightened out, go get in the shower, _stinky_."

I laugh and I drag her off to the shower with me. Pullin' her in clothes and all.

"Faith! This is chenille."

"Like the Captain and Chenille?"

"I'm so kicking your ass."

"I'm so licking yours."

"You're such…oh!"

I latch my lips onto her neck and bite.

Not breakin' skin but just enough to let her know who she belongs to.

When I'm satisfied I let go of her skin and lick and suck it better. She sighs out and wraps one of her legs around mine.

"We're gonna be ok, Faith. Ok?"

"Ok."

"No running off like that again, you got that?"

"I got that."

*****

"You be careful, you got that?!"

"Yes, Mistress Buffy."

"I mean it, Faith! Anything looks weird and you get outta there fast."

"Buffy, it's an Academy where girls go to learn how to fight vampires and demons, _everything_ is gonna look weird." I laugh.

"Don't be a smartass." She looks annoyed.

"You, ok?"

"Just a little indigestion."

"Can you take anything?"

"My doctor says Mylanta." She smirks. HA! That's the line from the commercial for that stuff. So clever and funny she is.

I lean in and give her a kiss on her beautiful smirk. God damn, I really hope that's not the last time I get to do that.

Shit, I gotta stop thinkin' such black thoughts. They're really gettin' to me.

"Did you go down and talk to Dee?"

"Yes, and she agreed with me."

I breathe in real sharp and let out a sigh.

I fuckin' called in the big guns to help me stop Buffy from wantin' to go up to Boston to snoop around Vi and Rona's hotel room, but they fuckin' backfired on me.

Aunt Dee insisted she'd go with Buffy and take care of her. Uncle Jim backed her up and even Leah ganged up on me. That bitch, I'll get her good. Joey'll learn the lyrics to "Me So Horny" before he says his alphabet.

I guess I can't fuckin' stop Buffy from doin' what she was born to do, be a pain in my ass. But I insisted she take audio and visual communication packs with her. I want to be able to see and hear exactly what's goin' on.

"Ok, I think that's it, B." I finish packin' the shit she'll need for Boston and then double check the spells she'll take with her. Jules is goin' with them, 'cause she's takin' Latin in high school.

God help us.

"Take care of Dee and Jules." I fuckin' can't _believe _they're goin' with her! The thought of it just makes me nuts. "I gotta jet."

"Be good, Faith."

I wink at her, "Always am, B."

"Yeah right."

We kiss and then in a flash I teleport outta there.

No time for poignant speeches, I'm already two minutes late.

*****

"Faith? Are you still sleepin'?"

I wonder how long she's been knockin', I teleported right to the bed. Score!

"Come in!"

"Are you decent?"

"No, but since when did that matter to you?"

She laughs and cracks open the door. I'm under the covers so she ain't gettin' an eyeful. 'Sides, I got one of B's nighties on.

Shoulda been an actress, it looks like I just woke up; I stretch and yawn makin' it look authentic.

"Jazz said we should be ready to go in about fifteen." She walks over to the bed and looks down at me. Fuckin' smirk needs to be wiped off. "That'll give you time to shower."

"Yeah, that would be good."

"Yeah, I thought so. Especially since you _reek_ of Buffy." She looks all smug at me.

Her nostrils flare and I can tell she's rememberin' her scent as she wiggles her brows. And that pisses me off just a little.

No, that pisses me off A LOT!

"Yeah, fuck, I'm busted, ok?!"

"Jeopardizing the mission for a little nooky?"

"Nothin' was jeopardized and if you don't wanna lose an eye and be called Xander Jr., you'll fuckin' stop referrin' to Buffy as 'a little nooky'."

"Sorry."

"Better."

"But really, Faith. If people saw you…"

"Satsu, no one saw me, the only one to see me, well, two people saw me. Buffy, and my Aunt. And I trust Buffy with all that I am and all that I'll ever be, and I trust my Aunt with Buffy, so you do the math on that one."

"I'm sorry." She really sounds it too.

Man, she's a big time leader and she's all contrite 'cause I gave her what for. I mean, I'd call her better than me, but I do have some self respect and I'm competitive, if not a little bit reckless, but she listens to me, go figure.

I see the appeal of the submissive little misses like her. I shouldn't be sayin' stuff like that.

But, B, in a Kimono, with jet black hair?! Damn! I have to shake my head of that thought. Whew!

"It's ok."

"How was she?"

What the fuck?!

I raise an eyebrow at her.

"I mean, how did she feel?"

She gets the other brow.

"Faith! You know what I mean!! How's Buffy doing?!"

Heh.

I like to see Smartsu squirm.

We don't do this kinda thing in front of the crew though, don't wanna give them an excuse to break rank.

Break rank. Heh.

Shit, we're so military now, it's crazy. Next, we'll be wearin' uniforms and salutin' and shit. Well, Andy salutes Xander when he sees him and Xander does like wearin' uniforms.

Oh hell, we're a slayer army, that's for sure.

"She felt great, in more ways then one." I wink.

She flips me the finger.

I guess that's our salute.

*****

"Faith, just on your right, under there." Jazz points to something that looks like a head.

Oh fuck me, no! I close my eyes and pick up the piece of debris coverin' it and wait to hear the reaction.

Jazz and Andrea are crackin' the fuck up, and I open my eyes.

Fuckin' Freddy Krueger mask on a wig stand, one of Xand's decorations for his office. Shit man, he paid beaucoup bucks for this thing 'cause it was actually used in one of the movies. He's gonna shit his pants.

That is if he's still got pants to shit.

"Let's keep movin'. We're almost done." Only two more floors to go.

"Look at all the fuckin' rats, shit, if we build back here we're gonna have to exterminate, big time."

"Ugh, I've almost stepped on six of 'em." Jazz says, "I better not get rat blood on these shoes."

"Anyone else think their behavior is weird?" Andrea says.

"They've just lost their home and probably half of their families, you'd be actin' weird, too."

"No, Faith. Look. Some are running away, well a lot are running away, but these over here, they look like they're trying to tell us something."

"Yeah, they're sayin' bring us some fuckin' cheese, we're starvin'."

Jazz and I laugh as Andrea's still lookin' at the rats.

"Hey, there's that bird we saw yesterday, and why aren't those cats trying to kill it?"

"Who knows? Maybe they've been trained by Doctor Fuckin' Doolittle. Can we focus here, we've got one floor to go."

Buffy's voice crackles in my ear.

"_We're in, Faith. Nothing looks out of the ordinary. I'm pretty sure no one's been here since we saw it last."_

I hear retchin'.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"_Aunt Dee didn't do so well with the teleport." _Buffy lowers her voice._ "The maid is gonna get a surprise in the potted tree just inside the door."_

"Fuckin' hell, B! You gotta clean that up before people realize what's goin' on!"

"_You're telling, Ms. Spews-a-lot, to clean that up?!" _

Fuck, she's right. I _knew _this was a bad idea.

"What about Jules?"

"_She said if she had to clean it, we'd be mopping her up off the floor."_

Goddamnit!!! All their fuckin' bitchin' at me about 'Don't worry, Faith, we can handle it, we'll do anything Buffy needs!' and they're fuckin' fallin' apart already. What happens if they come across a demon?!

Why do I fuckin' let Buffy railroad me into lettin' her do what I don't want her to do?!

Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm in blind fuckin' love with the woman of my dreams and she loves me just as blindly.

And I'm whipped.

I concentrate on not yellin' into the mouth piece.

"_Faith, I know you're upset, I can tell by your breathing. But I've got it under control; I'll take care of it."_

"Buffy, you just take care of what you need to, I'll come in for clean up."

"_How long do you think you'll be?"_

"I dunno…"

Satsu's voice crackles in, _"Probably about another hour or so, you've only got that last floor and it's mostly just training rooms."_

She's back at the command center, keepin' and eye on things here and in Boston.

"Thanks, Chief. So, B, I'll see you in about an hour or so, give or take."

"_Ok, I'll wait for you here."_

"You don't have to, you do what you need to and get back to the house, I'll take care of things from here on out."

She mutters somethin' I don't quite catch, but Satsu did 'cause she's chucklin'.

"WHAT?!" That fuckin' just got on my last nerve.

"_God, Faith, eardrums!"_

"What did you say?!"

"_I said 'Seacrest out!' What's the big deal?" _

"Yeah, right!"

"_Whatta ya mean, 'Yeah right?!'"_

"Why's Snarky laughin'?"

"_Hey, leave me out of this, I just chuckled."_

"_Faith, what's the matter?!"_

"Nothin' ok, just fuckin' nothin'!"

"_Faith…"_

The next thing I hear through the earpiece makes me shit my pants, have a heart attack, a stroke and piss myself all at once.

"_AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

"Buffy?!" Satsu yells.

I'm not even sayin' goodbye to Jazz and Andrea, "Faith out!" Is all they get and I teleport into the hotel room.

"What the fuck's goin' on?!"

Jules and Aunt Dee are up on the bed, while B is up on a chair.

Heh. If the fuckin' demon's could see her now.

Scared of a coupla rats.

It's weird, they look kinda friendly, almost like they got somethin' to tell us.

"Get them, Faith!"

"Madonna Mia! This is a five star hotel! You'd think they'd have no problems with rodents."

"_Faith, is everything ok there? I can't see anything, looks like someone's head's in the way."_

"Well, we've found out the weakness of Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

"What?!"

"Well Superman has kryptonite. My baby has rats."

"Faith, shut up and get them!!"

"B, they're just rats! Look, they're cute."

"Faith!!"

"B, look at the rats!!"

"No!!"

"But they're rats! They're so ratty!!"

Rats…

Fuck, rats.

"Satsu, Jazz, Andrea! Round up every rat you can find!"

"I'm on it!" Andrea says, "I'm getting the other animals, too!"

Oh you fuckin' beautiful genius Willow.

Good fuckin' show, Will. Good fuckin' show!!!


	39. Cats And Rats And Birds Oh Fuck!

Chapter 39- Cats and Rats and Birds… Oh fuck!

I pick up the rats and Buffy's yellin' at me.

"They probably have diseases, Faith! Don't touch them!"

I look into their faces and I can almost see the smirk on Rona's rat face.

"You got any diseases, Bone?"

"Bone?" B says confused.

"How about you, Vi? Slept with any questionable people lately?"

"Vi?"

"B, I think I know why Rona, Vi and the Scoobs disappeared."

"You…you don't think…" She looks really confused then points at a rat. "Willow!!"

"Exactly." I nod at her."

"Help me off this chair!" I go over and turn around in front of her so she can use my back to help her get off the chair safely.

Aunt Dee and Jules are still on the bed lookin' like we're both nuts.

"What's goin' on, Faith?"

"Willow must have set a protection spell, if there were any mortal danger the person would be turned into a rat, or possibly another animal."

Aunt Dee slaps her forehead. "Jesus! Magic! What the fuck, huh?"

"Yeah, that's about right." I nod. "You can get down off the bed now. These rats aren't gonna hurt you." I look at them. "Will ya?"

Jules gets down and comes over to me. Aunt Dee looks like she's not budgin'.

"Can I hold one?"

"Sure, Jules, just don't drop her or nothin'. I'm not exactly sure which one is which, but I got a feelin' this one in my right hand is Rona."

"How can you tell?" Buffy asks.

"It's a look in the eyes."

I hold it up to her and she sorta shies back but looks in the rat's eyes.

"Yeah, I see what you mean, it narrowed its rat eyes at me."

I chuckle, "Be good Bone, or else we ain't gettin' ya outta there."

"_Faith, come in, Faith."_

"Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope!"

"_Shut up, Faith! I'm not Leia, Buffy's Leia!_

"Yeah right, and I bet you think you're Han." I laugh.

"_Yeah, what of it?"_

"Dude, _I'm_ Han, you're Luke at best! That's actually bein' generous."

"Can you two not do this stupid comparison with Star Trek competition thing, _now_?" Buffy sounds annoyed.

"Dude," I laugh and look at Buffy. "You're lucky one of these rats isn't Andrew, he would have used his rat teeth to gnaw you a new one. Or something."

"Dude?" She narrows her eyes at me.

"Uh, sorry, B."

"Better, but we'll talk about that later."

Satsu chuckles.

Shit, I'm in trouble, better get down to business.

"So, _anyway_, what's up, Satsu?"

"_We've rounded up everything we could find, we're headed back to the meeting place, everything ok there?"_

"Yeah, we think we've got Rona and Vi."

"_Rats, right?"_

"We're hopin', otherwise we're carryin' around unwashed vermin for nothin'."

Buffy backs away even further and kinda gives a half wave to the rats as a consolation for her bein' weirded out by everything.

"_Is everyone coming with you back to HQ?"_

I look around and Buffy's noddin', Jules is too, but Aunt Dee looks like she's gonna freak out any minute.

"Um, I don't think everyone, we'll see you in a few though."

"_Good, be careful."_

"You too."

I teleport Aunt Dee outta there first and go back with her to the safe house for a little bit to make sure she's ok. She makes a b-line for the toilet, 'cause she's still not used to the teleportin' thing. I think Jules takes it so well 'cause it's like a rollercoaster kinda feelin', she'll probably want me to do that with all her friends and shit.

I'm surprised at how good I'm gettin' with some of the spells Will taught me. I used to be all resistive, but after last year, when she and I almost died in the Middle East, because she was unconscious and I couldn't teleport us outta there, I decided to let her teach me.

She says my inner peace has changed a whole heck of a lot for the better, especially since I've been with Buffy and I'm a good student 'cause I learn quick and can be patient. I know, me patient, who'da thunk it?

It doesn't hurt that I know Latin pretty well, too. She was surprised as hell when I translated a spell from Latin into English, at first she thought Giles had somehow given me the answers but when I wrote a smutty poem in Latin right in front her she blushed, then squealed and made me read some stuff and translate for like an hour. I think if we hadn't bonded in the desert, like really bonded, the Latin woulda done it. She's a sucker for it.

I know if she didn't have Kennedy that time we helped Angel out, she and Fred woulda gotten busy. It was like the spells and Latin and shit were foreplay for 'em. I kinda get it now.

But Willow's loyal, and wouldn't've done that. She's a good girl, and I'm gonna bring my good girl home.

Aunt Dee's been yarkin' this whole time, when she's done I get her a cool cloth and she thanks me gratefully. Then looks at me like she's gonna kick me in the shin.

"Why didn't you tell me that could happen?" She points at the toilet.

"I did, but you were so busy backin' up Buffy against me that I guess you didn't hear all that."

"I'm sorry, Faith. I thought it would be nice to help out."

"And I appreciate that, Dee, I do. I don't want people to think that I'm gonna keep Buffy out of everything, but she needs to listen to her body right now. She's peein' like every two minutes, and who knows when the morning sickness is gonna come back."

"Well if you want me to, I'll start tellin' her she needs to ease off."

"That would be nice, but I don't want her feelin' ganged up on, we'll let her decide and then if it might put her in harm's way, maybe you can gently suggest somethin' different. She listened to Gee Gee that way, maybe she'll listen to you, too."

"Ok, you've got my support. I don't like to think of her gettin' hurt, especially now that she looks five months pregnant."

"You saw that, too, huh?"

"Could that sped up pregnancy be hurtin' her?"

"I dunno, we're gonna have to get a doc to check her out soon. I was thinkin' maybe of usin' that doc Rona knew, they were around the corner from here. They don't know about slayers, but we could tell them she was a scared single mother who doesn't have a doc yet."

"Don't do too much lyin', it's bad karma."

"Don't I know it. But like I said, we really can't go tellin' the truth all the time, people would panic."

"You're right. And you're spendin' way too much time with me right now, you better get back."

I laugh.

"The rats'll be there when I get back. I just wanted to make sure you were ok, with everything."

"Yeah, don't worry about me, although I might start peein' the bed now that I know there are vampires and demons that roam at night. Jim'll think I'm havin' night sweats or somethin', he's a dummy."

I chuckle, "He's a good guy though, a really good guy."

She sighs happily, "I know, I'm stuck with one of the good ones." She pokes me in the side, "Like the woman you married, huh? One of the good ones."

That makes me smile. 'Cause she is the fuckin' best. She just needs to listen to me a little bit more. Heh.

"Ok, Dee, I'm gonna go down stairs and make sure everyone's ok here, then I'm gonna head out."

"Alright, honey. Are you comin' back later?"

"Of course, I'm gonna bring Buffy and Jules back."

"Ok then, see you later. Give me a hug, I'm gonna take a shower. I feel skeevy." She makes a face that cracks me up.

"You're a nut." I hug her before I go. "See ya later."

I go downstairs and Leah, Kara and Ashley are sleepin' on a couple futons in the livin' room. Joey's in his crib and I can see that he's awake. He's just kinda on his back lookin' around and singin' to himself. God he's so fuckin' cute. He notices the movement in the room even though I was bein' super stealthy and he stands up. He's rockin' around on his little chubby legs and he puts an arm out to me, I guess that means he wants me to pick him up.

"Hey little man," I whisper. "What're you doin' up? It's way past your bed time."

"Wet!" He says.

Damn, I look around at the sleepin' bitches. Not one of 'em are gonna rescue me. Figures.

That's ok, I'm tough, I can do this. It's been a while and I've never really changed a boy's diaper so this should be interestin'.

"Wet!" He says again, louder this time.

"Shhhh, you gotta be quiet, you don't wanna wake your Moms and your Auntie, now do ya?" He smiles at me with his four teeth showin'. "Nah, they'd be all grumpy and upset," I lower my voice to a whisper. "Like the bitches they are." I take him into the front room where they've got a changin' table set up.

"Here we go, Joey." I lay him down on the table and reach into the side pocket to get out a diaper. I pull it out and look it over, seems simple enough. Tabs on the sides of the back part of the diaper to fasten it to the front. Pretty freakin' awesome.

Wait, the tab…fuck! I fuckin' pulled too hard and ripped it, and part of the diaper ripped, too. Shit!

They have others though, so this one can be tossed.

"Just a little mishap, buddy, no 'cause for alarm."

He's still grinnin' at me, lookin' kinda curiously, probably thinkin' I suck at this. And he'd be right. 'Cause I just fucked up another diaper.

Shit, they're gonna kill me. Third time's a charm though, right?

Wrong.

Goddamn it!! How hard can this be? Apparently harder than I can handle. Joey's got a smirk on his face, he knows what's goin' on. I'll bet Buffy taught him that smirk, 'cause I never use that smirk.

The smart-assed one. Nope, not me.

Five fuckin' diapers later and I've finally got it to where it's not gonna open again, or be so loose that he might as well not be wearin' one.

"Ok, Joey, that ordeal's over. Now I guess we get you back to bed, huh?"

His face is beet red and he looks like he's pushin' somethin' out. What the fuck?!

Oh no! NO!

"You're not doin' what I think you're doin' are you?! You'd do that Faithy, dude?!"

Yeah he would, 'cause I'm smellin' it, and it's a pure vegetable smellin' present of doom.

"Faith, did he need his diaper changed?" Kara comes up behind me.

"Uh, yeah, he made a stinky. Can you handle it? I gotta get back to Buffy and Jules."

"Sure," She looks over at the changin' table. "Were you trying to change it?"

"Well, I did change it, he's wearin' a fresh one, and then he decided to mess this one now, too."

She laughs. "He likes you. A lot."

I look at her like she told me to use the diaper as a face mask. "How do you figure?"

"He does that to make you stay with him longer. I think he senses you have to go, and it's weird, 'cause usually babies don't remember people, ya know? Outta sight outta mind, right?"

I nod.

"But he's kinda always lookin' around for you. Not to say that he shouldn't but it's really curious."

"Damn, he's somethin', huh?"

"He is." She gives him a kiss on the head and he squeals.

"I'll have to spend some more time with him, give you and Leah a break a little; he and I spent some quality time together before my coma."

Kara looks upset all of a sudden.

"What's the matter?"

"Be careful, ok? Nobody wants to relieve the coma months."

"Believe me neither do I."

She smiles at me, and reaches out for Joey.

"So you'll babysit for us sometimes?"

"Of course, we'll dance a bit, eat some good grub and I can learn how to change a diaper before Buffy sees how bad I am at it and she leaves me."

Kara laughs again, "She's not gonna leave you, Faith. You guys are great together."

"We do, ok, I guess."

That earns me a light slap on my arm. "You better get going, she's probably wondering where you are."

"Yeah, I'll see you guys later." I give Joey a kiss on the head and go to leave, Kara stops me and kisses my cheek.

"Thanks."

"No, thank _you_, Faith."

"For what?"

"For doing what you're doing, for making people happy."

I shrug. "I made them upset enough over the years, I figure it's time I do the opposite."

"Well, they certainly appreciate it, Leah's been so happy lately, she's got her 'big sister' back."

Heh. Big sister. That sounds pretty good.

"I'm glad to be back."

"Ok, good, now get out."

I crack up, she's funny and I'm so glad she's in our family.

"Tell Uncle Jim, Leah and Ash we'll be back later today."

"I will."

I go into the kitchen and teleport back into the hotel room.

"Everything ok, Faith?" Buffy comes over to me and hugs me. Jules is still playin' with the rats. God I hope they're really Rona and Vi or else she's gonna kill me.

"Yeah, B. I had to slay a few diapers, but I won."

She laughs. "You had problems changing Joey, huh?"

"Yeah, man, I gotta practice or else we're gonna go through a lot of diapers."

"You'll get the hang of it. I have faith in you."

"Nice one, B." I point to the fact that she's hangin' back about ten feet from Jules who's holding the rats. "Are you feelin' a little 'faithless' in the rats theory?"

"I'm just being cautious. What happens if they have some sort of tick that gets on me and I get Lyme disease? Do you want that?"

"No, of course not, I was just makin' a stupid joke. Forgive me, oh wondrous one."

"Thin line, Faith."

"Got it, B." I change the subject as I get ready to teleport us all back to makeshift HQ. "You ladies ready to jet?"

"Yep!" Says Jules all excitedly. She holds on to me and Buffy gets on the other side.

"Let's go, babes."

*****

"Satsu, help me!" Andrea's yellin' as we get back to HQ.

"Hey, guys!" Jazz says. "Who's this?"

"Jazz, I'd like you to meet my cousin, Julia. Julia, this is one of the best slayers you'll ever meet, but you gotta forgot you met her, ok?"

"Uhhh, ok…"

"Yeah, I don't exist." Jazz winks.

"What's up with Andrea?"

"The bird shit on her head. Oops, sorry Julia, I meant pooped."

"Don't clean up your language on this one's account." I indicate to Jules with my thumb, "Some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth would make even you blush."

"I'll bet, especially if her cousin is any indication."

"Hey, B. No! Stay away from the cats." Buffy was goin' over to 'em.

"Why?"

"Toxoplasmosis."

"Toxowhatsis?"

Heh. "Plasmosis. It's somethin' cats can give you that ain't good for the baby."

She jumps back from the cats, "How about I stay away from animals all together?"

"I can be an animal sometimes," I wink.

"Hey! Kids in the room!" Jules says like the smartass she is.

Buffy just chuckles and shakes her head.

"Ok, whatta we got here?"

"Rats, we've got a lotta rats." Jazz says.

"Is that all of them from the building?"

"Are you serious? It's New York, we'd be there for days trying to get all the rats," She indicates to the boxes of rats they brought back. "These weren't running away from us, and we noticed they were huddled around the cats, and the cats weren't trying to eat them."

"Makes sense." I nod, "And the bird?"

"She's flying around here somewhere, I guess she's trying to keep away from Andrea, heh, bird poop."

I shove her. "You're such a kid sometimes."

"Look who's talking." Buffy throws her two cents into it.

I better just do what I need to, don't need to be gettin' into a fight right now. I gotta concentrate.

I guess what I need to do is change the bird back first.

Fuck, I need Willow's spell book. Damn, it's sittin' in a pile of rubble back at the academy.

Wait, she told me she had a backup in a file in her house, I should get my ass over there now and get it.

"I'm gonna head over to Will's for a minute."

"Wait, why?" B says, she sounds a little upset.

"I have to find the spell that turns 'em back."

"Is it the de-rat spell she used on Amy?"

"No, actually it might be the one she had Dawn finish the translation on, you remember that time last year when you wanted to kill me with one of Giles' compendiums?"

"Vaguely."

"Yeah, right."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You always conveniently forget when you try to kill me."

"No, it's just that the make up sex afterwards is so hot that the other stuff gets foggy."

I laugh, and Satsu looks over and narrows her eyes at me.

Yeah, that's right, the sex is so hot her brain gets foggy. And you'll never get to try to do that to her again.

I'd be bitter too.

I pull Buffy to me and give her a sweet kiss.

"Hey! Kids in the room!" My smartassed cousin yells again.

"And adults!" Jazz says with a laugh.

We pull outta the kiss and Buffy's all blushy, I can tell she's horny. Damn! Pregnancy hormones, they're runnin' buck wild.

No time for that now, which really sucks, but I've got stuff to do. The hot stuff will have to wait.

"Ok, ladies, I'll be right back."

"Be careful."

"Keep the voice and visual comm. on, ok?"

"Ai, Ai, boss." I wink at Satsu.

"I'll keep your girl warm for ya." She winks back. "OW!"

HA!! Buffy kicked her shin.

"Sorry," Satsu's all meek now. "Be careful, Faith." She mumbles.

"I'll be back." I say in my best Arnold voice. I hear chuckles fade as I teleport into Will's place.

Damn, this place has been ransacked, none of her valuables look taken, all the statues and stuff are still here. The front door is closed and doesn't look forced, so they probably jimmied the lock or had a key. Probably got it through 'Kennedy'. Must've known how to get through the mystical barriers, too, 'cause I don't feel anything witchy.

I get to her wall where there's a picture of two faeries flying around a Sorceress who's walking alone down a path of her own.

I had that painted for Will for her birthday last year. She loved it. It wasn't a coincidence that the faeries were painted as a blonde and a brunette. It was to symbolize that though she may walk alone at times, she's never without her people.

It's really beautiful and done in that style like one of those Italian paintings with the women's boobies hangin' out.

Under the painting is a statue on a stand, it's something else I got her, for Chanukah, this one _is_ one of those Italian ladies with her boobies hangin' out. Buffy said I have a problem. Will loved it though. I touch it and think a few words and suddenly the wall shifts and what I want is right where it should be. Only me, B and Giles knows about this area, and of course Willow. I suggested it to Will, since things have gotten pretty dicey in the past couple of years. It's just a simple cabinet for storing papers and things, it's fireproof and witched up. I think some more words and the lock pops open.

Sweet, I was worried I'd get the words all wrong. Haven't had a need to use them before.

I get out the spell folder and look over the documents, I really wish Will or Giles were here for this, I suck at figuring this stuff out. I know Will has a de-ratting spell here somewhere. I hope it works on birds and cats, too. 'Cause I have a hunch that Giles and Dawnie are the cats. Don't ask me how, like I said, it's a look in the eyes. Kinda like when B knew Giles was that demon thingy. She told me all about that, 'cause we were talking about how she convinced him that she was her when we did the body swap. Fuck, I hate thinkin' about things like that. The stupid things I did.

"_Faith, how come we have no visual?"_

Satsu's voice makes me jump a little, I was so caught up in my thoughts, I forgot she was still in my ear.

"Will's spell on this room makes it so no one can take video if they manage to breach the spells."

"_She's one smart girl."_

"You said it."

I continue lookin' through the spells and come across one I recognize from last year. This is the one Dawnie helped Will translate, 'cause she was tryin' to figure out the last few lines.

"On second, thought, not _that_ smart," I continue readin'.

"_Huh?"_

"But still pretty genius. Satsu, call in one of the Shaman we have on retainer, we're gonna need some help."

"_Are you coming back here now?"_ B asks, I know she's worried.

"Well, I wanna just take a little look around, this place looks like it was broken into."

Buffy gasps, _"No!"_

"Yeah, but they weren't after valuables, probably after what I've got in my hand."

To make sure they took any protection off so more people would die. Must have not found what they were looking for, or thought that they knew better than Will. They thought wrong, but then again so did she. Dawn's words from that day come back to me.

"_Change the ad to an id and I'd say you were in business."_

Oh, I'm gonna let Dawnie have it! Still, it worked so I shouldn't be too mad, I just hope this Shaman can do somethin' to help us get 'em back.

"_So how long do you think you'll be?"_ Buffy tries to sound nonchalant as she asks but I can tell she's really worried.

"Not long, I'm just gonna do a visual of the rooms."

"_Do you need help?"_

"Nope, I got it, thanks though."

"_Ok…" _

Heh, she's not gonna let it go. I take what I need and lock everything back up.

"Jazz, Andrea."

"_Yeah?"_

"_What's up?"_

"I need you guys to teleport here, I'll show you what I need done. I'll come back there and get the spell reversal thing goin'."

I can almost hear Buffy's sigh of relief. Damnit, what's she gonna do when I have to go on missions and leave her and the little one home? 'Cause, yeah, she's gonna be the mom. Heh.

"_Ok, we'll be right there."_

"_I'll be glad to get away from the shitty bird here." _Andrea says.

That makes everyone laugh.

*****

"I thank you for giving me the honor of working with you, dark one." Damn, these Shaman are kinda spooky.

"Uh, you can call me Faith. Callin' me dark one reminds me of what Andrew does all the time, with the speeches about the dark side and that stuff."

"Is that the little man you sent to us a few months ago to help with the translations?"

"Yeah."

"Don't do that again, we beg of you."

I laugh.

"So, what's up with the spell, can you swing a reversal?"

"Of course, who would you want to bring back first?"

"The bird, don't need her shittin' on anyone else's head, plus she can help out."

"Very well."

He sets to doin' his thing and it's pretty awesome. And soon Willow's hangin' from the light fixture she was just perched on.

Buffy runs over to hold her up by the feet so she doesn't fall, and Satsu goes to help get her down.

"Woah! H-hey there!"

Buffy lets go and Satsu holds her in her arms, makin' sure she can stand before she lets go.

"You got it?"

"Yeah, yep, fine, thanks."

Will sounds a little flustered, she must have a little girl crush. I'll have to tease her about it later.

"Glad to have you back, Red!" I go over to her, she and Buffy are busy huggin' the stuffin' out of each other.

"Oh, I'm so happy to _be_ back! Gosh, the life of a bird, not so great."

I chuckle as I pull her into a hug and give her a huge kiss that has Buffy's eyes narrowed at me.

"What?" I say when we break, Will's tryin' to regain her bearin's. "I thought she was dead, I can give her a kiss."

B just shakes her head and brings Will in for another hug. She's happy to have her back too.

"Ok, love festers, you wanna do the rest of the people or what?" Satsu says, all business like.

"Alright Satz, we'll be good girls, let's get busy." I wink at her. Everyone watches as the Shaman starts to work on the cats, one by one. Soon, Dawn's squealin' and Giles is thankin' us for not sendin' him to the pound.

After all the hugs and love that go around again, we get started on the rats.

Vi and Rona look absolutely starved, Will goes over and does a spell to help 'em out. Once the docs are brought they start a triage station for people who might be hurt. After a few more minutes, the room is definitely startin' to get crowded.

"Good thing the school was on a break, huh?" B says. "We'd have no room to move around."

I pull her to me so no one crushes her by accident. People keep poppin' up all over the place.

After about five minutes there's three left, Xander pops up and immediately hugs Willow. Dawn goes over and hugs him, too, and then he comes over to me and B and we share in a group hug also. It feels fuckin' awesome to be able to have them back again. If I were a girly I'd squeal, but I'll leave that up to Dawn, Willow, Buffy and Andrew.

Speakin' of which…

"I guess one of them is Andy, huh?"

"I think Dawn's got him in her hand."

"Over here Dawnie, I'll change him back, put him on the floor." Will waits until Dawn's got him on the floor and does the spell reversal.

Nothin', but now the rat that was on the table in front of her is a full grown Andy.

"What?! Oh!!! EWWWW!!!" Dawn yells. "You mean the one I was carrying around was actually a rat?!?!" She shudders and runs into the bathroom.

Buffy goes to comfort her sister and Jules is doubled over laughin'.

"What's so funny, Jules?" I narrow my eyes at her. "Wait…you knew the one she was holdin' was a real rat, huh?"

She's laughin' so hard she can't even speak, so she just nods.

"You're such a little shit!"

Andrea and Jazz teleport back.

"Speakin' of a little shit…" Jazz says with a chuckle lookin' at Willow.

"Oh, oh god! I'm so sorry, I couldn't help…"

Andrea holds up her hand.

"Please, don't say another word. Please!"

"Ok…" Will lowers her voice to a whisper. "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry, nothing that wasn't cleanable. Although, thanks to you, I hate birds now."

"Hey, Andrea, quit it." Satsu says 'cause she sees Will's gettin' upset.

Damn, where's Kennedy?

"Hey guys, did we get all the rats?"

"No, but we got the ones we thought were most likely to be everyone, you know the ones who weren't trying to run away."

"Ok, we're gonna have to go back to HQ, with the Shaman. Will, Satsu, you comin'?"

"You're going?" Buffy's helpin' a sick lookin' Dawnie out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, we gotta go see if there's anyone left. We're missin' at least one."

Shit, I hope she's ok.

"Ok, be careful."

"I will." I go over to her and give her a quick kiss.

"Let's go." I say to the others.

*****

We're back at HQ and the Shaman dude is pullin' out all the stops. He's doin' somethin' that's highlightin' what's a real rat. So far nothin' that shows any of 'em are anything but the real deal.

"Can you do somethin' that'll just blanket the place to turn 'em back into people?"

He looks at me and I can tell he's surprised he didn't think of that. Damn, no wonder they needed our help last year.

Will looks at me and smirks and I shrug.

Don't wanna piss the dude off, he's helpin' us avoid a lot of busy work.

As we're walkin' down one of the halls in the lower level I can hear a scuffle. Someone's either tryin' to get out from under somethin' or people are scrappin'.

I pick up the pace with Willow hot on my heels, Satsu's out in front and what she sees when we get to a clearin' in the rubble makes her stop dead in her tracks.

I wasn't that close behind her so I don't collide with her but Will does into me.

"Get Willow out of here!!"

Ken.

"Kennedy!!" Willow yells.

"No, Will, I've got this! You go, ok baby?"

"What's going on?!"

Ken's got her back to us and I can see someone on the ground at her feet. Blonde hair.

Fuckin' Laurie. She must have been the one to try and pull the protection spell, but got caught up in it. I bet they left her to die.

I see somethin' in Laurie's hands that makes me wanna lose my lunch. It's got a plunger on it and it's connected to Kennedy by a wire. Kinda like if she shot her with a taser.

"Satsu, make sure Will gets out safe. I'll help, Ken. Get the Shaman down here now, though, ok?"

"But Faith."

"NO WILLOW, GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!"

Shit, I wouldn't have yelled like that at her, I was gonna just say, 'Please, I'll take care of it.' but Kennedy fuckin' let her have it.

I think she understands it's bad, and she lets Satsu lead her out.

Before she leaves completely she turns and back to us, "I love you Kennedy, I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Yeah, Will, I'll see you soon, baby. I love you, too. Sorry for yelling."

"Nah, you needed to tell me what to do, I get it. Be careful."

"You, too. Babe."

After they go Ken says in an eerily calm voice, "You too, Faith, just fucking go, ok?"

"Ken…"

"FAITH!! NO! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, I DON'T NEED ANY SPEECHES OR TEARS."

"What's goin' on?"

"What's going on is that you've got a family now. But do me a favor, will ya? You let them know how much they all meant to me, ok?"

"We'd never forget you, Ken."

"Don't let Willow grieve too long, either." Ken's voice is much softer now. "She's been through so much, I can't stand the thought of her bein' alone."

"Ken, maybe the Shaman…"

"Can get blown all to shit with us. Is that what you want? As soon as this wire gets pulled outta my stomach or moved or touched, we're done for. So, no, the Shaman can't do shit and you know it. I'll hold off passing out as long as I can, 'cause once I do, it's party time."

"But Ken, Laurie's dead, she can't press the plunger."

"No, Faith, that's not it, the trigger for the bomb is in me, I'm the trip wire now. What you can't see is that my stomach is pretty fucked too, so even if I were to have this pulled out without blowing things up, I'd be dead anyway."

I notice the area around the front of her feet is pooled with blood, I just thought it was Laurie's. Ken fucked her up with the sword Buffy brought back from Scotland.

"Now would be a good time to leave, Faith! Get on the phone to the bomb squad and tell them that they're gonna need to do a containment, 'cause I'm pretty sure this is juiced with something."

"I'll get the Shaman to do a containment spell so that it doesn't go far. Are you sure…"

"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!"

I start to run and I hear her say, "I love you, you crazy bitch. Tell Willow my last thoughts were of her."

As soon as we're all out of the buildin' and down the street the what was left of HQ gets blown to bits.

The force of the blast brings us to our knees.

In more ways than just the physical.

I'm not sure how we're ever gonna be able to get up again.


	40. Buildin' From What's Left Of The Rubble

Chapter 40- Buildin' From What's Left of the Rubble

"…!"

Dawn's yellin' at me but I can't hear a fuckin' thing. Did the force of the blast blow out my ear drums?

"…cie, Faith!"

Huh? See what?

"No, Faith. Francie, did you see her?"

Somewhere, but I don't know where.

"Faith! Get up and get it together, we've gotta make sure everyone's with us, Willow's gonna take us back. Now, Faith! NOW!"

I feel like my head's encased in plastic and my feet are steeped in glue.

"Francie?!" Dawn yells and I'm finally brought back to reality.

I look around and people are helping each other up and Willow's makin' sure she's ready to get people out of here.

"The police are gonna come soon, we need to get gone, Faith."

I nod and look back towards what's left of the buildin' there's a plume of smoke and out of it comes my cousin, helpin' another girl who looks like her leg's mostly gone.

"Help me! She needs someone to stop the bleedin'!!"

I run over and help Francie carry her.

"No, it's ok, I'm fine." The girl I recognize as Stephanie says. She's laughin' like it's no big deal. "Hey, Faith, how are you?"

Fuck, she's losin' so much blood she's loopy. I know how that feels. Kinda feels like you had a few too many. Good for her she's feelin' no pain though, that leg is a fuckin' sight to see.

"Faith, bring her over here, we'll get her out first with some of the others who need immediate attention."

I look at Willow speakin' so calmly and I cock my head to the side like a dog.

"Are you ok, Faith?"

I nod, "I'm just peachy, how're you feelin'?"

"We've got some work to do here, let's worry about feelings later. Can you help me teleport them out? I've called ahead to Andrea, she's making room for them in the triage unit at the headquarters."

My eyes go wide and she looks away, she's just tryin' to keep it together so we don't get arrested, but I somehow feel it's not good for her to act all detached. I dunno though, I guess she knows best.

"Yeah, I can help you, Will."

"Good, let's go then. Group up everyone!"

Satsu goes over and gets ready to go back with Will.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I take it out and look at the display, Will's words come back to me and I think, 'We don't have time for feelings.' I put the phone back in my pocket and get ready to teleport my group back.

"Faith! Will! Satsu! What happened?!" Buffy's frantic. "I tried to call you!" She looks at me and I shrug. "What happened, Faith?"

"She's gone." Willow says quietly and leaves the room. Buffy goes to follow her and I stop her, Satsu goes after her instead.

"Who's? Oh no…no…not again!"

"B, leave it for now."

"Whatta ya mean, 'leave it for now'?! Are you people on drugs? You came back all weird. Like, eerily calm!"

I look at her and the tears in my eyes let her know I'm anything but calm.

"Oh, god, Faith, I'm…I'm so sorry." She comes over to me and wraps me up in a hug.

I dunno why, but I don't wanna be touched right now. I feel all irritated. I think she senses this because she pulls back slightly and looks into my eyes. "What's going on?"

"We should decide who goes to the safehouse and who stays."

B lets it drop for now and we make some decisions. After consultin' with Giles and the rest of the scoobs minus Willow we decide that most of the slayers will stay here, with Dawnie, Satsu, Andrew and Giles. Me and B'll go back to the safehouse with Francie, Xander and Willow. I'm happy about that, 'cause I'd like to keep an eye on Willow.

Dunno when she's gonna lose it, but Xander's brought her back from the brink before, and I wanna be there to lend a hand with the muscle, just in case.

"I'll go tell Will we're ready to go," I say. "Get everyone else in a group, B. I'll be right back."

When I get to the room Satsu was stayin' in I hear low voices, they're talkin', so I knock.

"You ready to go, Will?"

"Go where?"

"To the safehouse," Satsu opens the door for me so I don't have to talk at it. "Me, Buffy, Francie and Xand are goin' back there, we thought you'd like to come with us."

"It'll be cramped, Faith. And besides I think I need to oversee things here."

I look at Satsu puzzled, and she nods like she's agreein' with Will.

"I think Satsu's got it covered here, Willow, c'mon with us, we'll help you with whatever you need."

"Faith, thank you, but what I need right now is to keep working, we're not done yet."

"But, Will…"

"Faith, don't worry, I'll be here for her."

My eyes fly to Satsu's and I probably look like I'm tryin' to burn a hole in her skull 'cause she backs up a little.

Willow sees the expression on my face, "It's not what you think, Faith." She sighs. "Just go back with Buffy, we'll talk later."

What a fuckin' fucked up fuckin' day! I wanna punch things, but even though Will's actin' all weird I don't make a big deal out of it, she just lost her girl, she doesn't deserve me actin' like an asshole to her.

But what the fuck? She's not even cryin', and what's with her and Satsu?

"I'll see you later, Faith. I wanna call a debrief in about an hour or so, we'll meet at the safehouse."

"You got it, Will."

I leave without another word.

*****

We're back at the safehouse and after everyone fawned over us and watched the fallout of the buildin' blast on the news, me and B slipped off to the room she's stayin' in.

Well, I slipped off and she followed me. She knows I shouldn't be left to myself in these situations.

I scoot back on the bed layin' up against the pillows and lookin' outta the skylight in the ceilin' up into the sky.

My thoughts of course, are of Kennedy.

Five years ago she was a potential, and a real big pain in the ass, four years ago she was one of my best friends. Then she went away with Willow and we kept in touch, workin' together when needed and kickin' ass. We were unstoppable. Last year she became a pain in the ass again, and I dismissed her. Never even questioned why, just figured she had become a huge dick and I had to cut her off.

A few weeks ago we found out the truth, she was being mind controlled by Laurie, Parker and Bobby, so that they could infiltrate our operation and bring us down from the inside. They almost succeeded, but with her help they didn't.

This morning she was a rat, and now she's gone.

And I'm still here.

"Hey," Buffy says quietly as she comes outta the bathroom.

"Hey,"

She comes over and stands in front of the bed just lookin' at me, I think she's tryin' to decide what to do. Whether she should leave the room or not.

I hold my arms out to her and she crawls up the bed and into my arms.

She knows what I'm thinkin', I can tell by the look on her face.

"It's not your fault, Faith. None of us could know."

I don't say anything, I don't even shrug.

"I'm worried about Willow."

"About her non reaction?"

"Yeah,"

"She's still in shock, I guess. It's like me after my mom died, I thought I had to keep it together for everyone else, ya know? Keep moving on so we wouldn't fall apart."

"Yeah, that's what scares me, ya know?"

"I know."

We all know that inside Buffy was dyin' herself and just didn't know how to deal with it, and then Glory happened, and Riley that asshole left, thank fuck for me, and she died so Dawnie and the rest of the world could live.

Well, fuck that, she ain't doin' that no more, she's paid her dues. I pull her closer and give her a gentle kiss, thankin' her as best I can for bein' the wonderful woman that she is.

When the kiss breaks she sighs out, "I'm sorry that we lost Kennedy, and we'll help Will deal once she finally allows herself to think about it. And I'm so glad you didn't try to stay and get yourself killed. I know that's what's eating you up inside right now, but you did what you needed to do, Faith."

"I ran," I sound like I did when Kakistos was after me and I was tellin' her about what he did to my watcher.

"And you got people out safely. And you came back to me so we could live to fight this battle together."

I see where she's goin' with this.

"'Cause that fuckface is still alive."

"Exactly. We're not done."

We go silent for a while, just listenin' to each other breathe. Givin' each other squeezes and little kisses and a comfortin' word here and there.

"We've got an appointment tomorrow." I say after a while.

"For what?"

I reach down and rub her stomach.

"Oh right." She smiles.

"I think it's big enough to get its picture taken, don't you?"

"I think so. Even though it's kinda slowed down, it still seems to be growing really fast." She rubs her stomach and pats it.

"Do we have cocoa butter here?"

She smiles at me, "In the bathroom."

"I'll be right back." I pull away from her gently and go into the bathroom to get the stick of cocoa butter.

After I come back, we get all situated again on the bed with her leanin' back against me and her shirt up over her stomach, I start rubbin' the cocoa butter on her belly.

"Ya know, we could just get one of the wicca's to do a spell so the stretch marks would go away."

"Yeah, we could, but then I can't be with you like this."

She turns her head and gives me a sweet kiss. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"You're welcome, honey."

*****

"Thank you all for cramming in here on such short notice." Will says lookin' at us all crammed into the livin' room.

"That's ok, Will, we like sitting on each other's laps." Dawnie says shovin' Andrew a little to the side.

"Couldn't you just do a spell that would make the living room bigger?" Andrew asks shovin' Dawn back.

"Ooh! Like in Harry Potter where they turned a pup tent into a huge room!" Ashleigh says excitedly.

"Exactly! Wasn't it cool when Ron…"

Willow spins around on her heel and points right in Andy's face.

"Do you think my craft is all smoke and mirrors, Andrew?! Do you think what I do is all tricks and gimmicks?! DO YOU WANT ME TO PULL A RABBIT OUT OF A HAT NEXT?!"

Damn, Andy just shrunk to like two feet tall and his mouth is gapin' open, he doesn't know what to say. No one's sayin' a fuckin' thing, Buffy gets up to get in between them or say somethin' but I stop her with a hand on her arm. Will's gotta get it out, we'll make sure it doesn't get too far, but I have a feelin' she's not gonna let it go that far. She just wants answers.

"WELL?! DO YOU?!" He doesn't answer and it seems like an hour goes by before she speaks again more calmly, "Well, if you do then you have no idea about me or anything I stand for. I thought _you_ of all people would understand me."

Andy finally finds his voice, "I-I'm sorry, Willow. I-it was a stupid joke. You know how much I respect you and your c-craft." He looks like he's gonna cry but he doesn't look away from her.

She sighs, and walks closer to him, he shrinks back a bit but she shows him a gentle hand and puts it in his hair, she lifts his chin a bit and looks like she's tryin' to find truth in his eyes, she must find it because her face becomes softer. "No, Andrew, I'm sorry. I'm just…"

"I know." He says his voice thick with tears.

Buffy steps behind Will and hugs her from the back. Willow allows herself to relax into the hug, drawin' strength from it.

No one says anything, we're all comfortin' each other, mainly those next to us. Joey breaks away from Leah and hangs onto my leg, steadyin' himself. I pick him up and rock him on my hip. My little buddy.

After a while Will sighs and breaks the hug, "We've found out a few things, and we've still got work to do. I'm not forgetting anything, or anyone, and I'll deal with that soon enough. But we can't fall apart now. Ok?"

Everyone nods and gives their ok. We'll all keep a close eye on her though, Buffy, me and the Scoobs especially.

"Good, here's what we've got." Willow indicates towards the wall. "Giles, start us off. Can someone get the lights?"

Xander goes and gets the lights, Kara, Leah and my uncles go downstairs with some of the others who don't need to be in on this, and that's good. While I don't wanna lie and keep a lot from them, I think they don't need to know everything. Joey stays with me though, his presence is calmin' me down a lot and I don't feel so dark and broody. Buffy usually does that for me, but she's over stuck like glue to Will, and I'm happy about that, I don't want Will to be alone.

What we find out is that Parker's been plottin' his revenge against Buffy for a while now. In his last years of college he got into politics and made his life's work servin' the people with his slimy ways, and keepin' tabs on Buffy apparently. Seems he spent a couple of years workin' for Old Wolfram and Hart. Fucker.

"How did he hook up with my Dad?"

"Apparently through mutual friends," Giles says. "He came to Massachusetts to the Kennedy School of Government to work on his thesis and someone introduced him to Bobby Cochrane, your friend from childhood."

"Not friend, he was always an asshole." I grumble.

"Yes, well, apparently he had something against you. He followed your every move."

Probably 'cause I wouldn't go out with his ass in freshman year; why do men have to get all vengeful like that? Well, we always knew he would be the person most likely to blow shit up. That fuckin' pyro.

"So, we've seen Parker, where's Bobby been?"

"We're having a friend look for him. Nothing's turned up as of yet."

"There's something else…" Will says.

"Oh god, what?!" Buffy asks.

Giles and Will share a look, and then Giles turns to me.

What the fuck?

"Just spill it G-man, I don't need poignant and meaningful right now, just give it to me straight."

"It seems as though your father really was trying to make things up to you. Bobby and Parker had him under their control as well. They kept telling him you would be proud of his work as a politician and that you might even help him one day."

I don't know how to feel about that. I mean, what the fuck do I say to that? He was a huge asshole for pretty much all of my life, I can't just forgive that now because he's dead.

Oh shit.

"He didn't happen to die protectin' me somehow?"

"Well, we think…"

"Fuck thinkin', get Alicia, I want to hear it from her."

"She's undercover."

"So what?"

"Well, we can't get in touch with her."

"Tell the vamps I'm lookin' for her, send up the bat signal, do some fuckin' thing, I wanna see her."

Somehow I think she knew more when she talked to me at Gee Gee's funeral, I wanna fuckin' know why she didn't tell me then.

"We'll get in touch with her." Xander says.

I nod at him.

"So, Parker, what do we do about him?" Buffy asks Giles, I know she's seethin' and wants a piece of him like yesterday.

"We've got the situation under control, he'll be turned over to the authorities as soon as we find him. It seems he's gone into hiding."

Hidin', yeah, we'll see about that.

"Somehow I don't think the authorities will be able to handle him." B says.

"I didn't say the regular authorities, he'll be dealt with, and that's all anyone needs to know."

"Sounds good to me." I say.

"Yep, nothing sounds better." Xander adds.

Buffy's still lookin' skeptical and Dawn looks like she wants to kick me in the ass.

Willow nods and draws a deep breath, lettin' it out slowly.

"We'll need to go over a few more things, but can we do that tomorrow? I suddenly feel really tired."

"Of course, we'll all reconvene here in the morning, is that ok with everyone?"

Everyone agrees. We're all tired, it's been a long drainin' day, and people are still tryin' to come to grips with their emotions.

"You gonna stay here tonight, Will?"

"Satsu said I can stay in her room. I think I need to be alone right now."

I wanna ask if Satsu's gonna be in the room too, but I don't wanna get a reaction like Andy got, I know she needs to let it out, but I couldn't take her screamin' in my face right now. I'm too upset.

"Alright, Will. If you need anything you let us know. Anything, ok?"

"Absolutely, thanks, Faith."

"We love you." I go to her and wrap her up in a hug. Buffy comes over and hugs us both. Will manages to leave without any tears.

That still bugs me.

*****

I see B yawnin' from across the room. I take Joey down to Leah and she pulls me into a hug.

"Sorry about Kennedy, Faith. That was just so fucked up." She whispers into my ear.

"Thanks, Lee. That really means a lot."

"Anytime," She doesn't let me go right away and looks me in the eyes, I can see the sincerity clearly in hers. "I mean it."

"I know you do, and I'm really grateful to you for that."

"Goodnight."

"You too, thanks again."

I give her another hug and a kiss on the cheek and kiss Joey on his forehead, he squeals and grabs onto my hair.

That makes me smile, he's got a freakin' strong grip though and Leah has to untangle his chubby fist from it or else he'll take a chunk out.

"That's the hair little boy, ya don't mess with the hair." I wink at him. "Night."

"Night." Leah and Kara say, I think they're worried what might happen, if there'll be break downs and what not. We'll see.

I go back upstairs and find out that Buffy's gone to bed. I wish she would have waited for me, I wanted to carry her up the steps, I feel like babyin' her a lot lately.

"You doin' ok?" I say when I get in the room, I see she's got her eyes open, just thinkin'.

"People died again, because of me." She says quietly.

"Buffy," I lay down beside her on the bed and kiss her shoulder tenderly, she turns a bit and scoots back against me so we're back to front, but really close together. "You're always sayin' I shouldn't feel like it's my fault, why're you beatin' yourself up about it?"

"I shouldn't have gotten drunk that night."

"What night?"

"The night I turned into Cave Buffy."

"Oh yeah? You got drunk that night?"

"Yeah,"

"Fuck, you're right, how fuckin' incredibly selfish of you, I mean lettin' off steam like that!"

She stiffens against me.

"Why the fuck would you think you could go to a bar and have a few beers?!"

"My carelessness led to people being killed, Faith, it's not funny."

"No, it's not funny, Buffy. And it's completely irrational of you to think that you're the cause of all this. So, stop doin' it, B!"

She's quiet for a while and then I feel her shakin' against me. She's cryin' and tryin' not to let me know.

"Let it out, baby, don't keep it inside." I whisper.

She turns around in my arms as best she can and leans in for a kiss. I wouldn't have thought she'd be lookin' for hot and heavy but it seems she is, 'cause she's suckin' on my tongue like it's the best candy she's ever tasted.

I push her back a little, I wanna know what's goin' on in her head.

"What's up, B?" I look into her eyes searchin' for somethin'.

"I just…" she trails off, the tears still standin' in her eyes. God, I hate when she cries. I would gladly take another knife to the gut if she'd never have to cry again. But if I died that would kinda suck, so what the fuck am I sayin'?

"_Just_ what?"

"Need to feel…I feel like…"

"I know." I say and capture her lips again in a softer, but still needy kiss.

We stay like that kissin' and just bein'. It feels so good.

I don't take it further, and neither does she. We just need to feel. The connection is doin' it all for us.

I feel whole. Like I always knew I could with her, even when I thought it was hopeless, and that's why I was so fucked up back then.

Back when I first went to Sunnydale.

Fucked up because I knew she wouldn't be mine, and I didn't really know how to deal with wantin' her to be mine either.

I was messed in the head, even worse than now.

Buffy's feelin' the pull of sleep, 'cause she stretches onto her back like a cat, and yawns.

"Go ahead and sleep, B. You need your rest."

"You're not sleeping with me?"

"I'm gonna stay up a little, I'm not tired enough to sleep, too much goin' on in my head."

"Can you stay with me while I sleep?"

"Yep, not goin' nowhere, just not sleepy."

"Kay."

I can tell she's waitin' for somethin' else.

"What, baby?"

"My back is cold."

I laugh as I scoot up behind her, "Oh, sorry, how stupid of me."

The next thing I know the room is a hell of a lot darker than when I scooted up behind Buffy, and I can feel a presence in the room.

I realize it's what woke me up.

I sit up quickly ready to fuckin' kill whatever got in here.

"I-I couldn't sleep, and I really didn't wanna be alone."

"Will?"

"Do you think I could maybe stay here with you guys a while?"

Buffy wakes up with a start.

"What's wrong?!"

"Nothin's wrong, B. Go back to sleep."

"I gotta pee," She gets up to go then feels someone else is in the room and jumps into a fightin' stance. She relaxes so she must sense who it is. "God, Will!! Is that you?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep, or think, or do anything anymore. I needed you guys."

"Whew, I almost punched you in the face."

"That's ok, Buff. I don't think I'd feel it right now if you did anyway."

Buffy holds her arms out to her friend and Willow shuffles into them. I get up and go around huggin' her too.

After a while Buffy goes off to the bathroom and Will sits on the bed.

"Go ahead, Will, lay down. You look like you need it."

"I do, I so do. But Faith, I don't know what to do anymore."

"You don't have to know what to do, we'll figure it out together."

"That…that spell. If only it worked like it should've."

"What, teleportin' you all out safely to an undisclosed location and gettin' blown up anyway when Laurie set off the bomb she had on her?"

Willow's shoulders slump.

"It's the one time where I'm glad no one thought I could translate Latin." I say, rubbin' her shoulder a bit.

She laughs a little, "You would have gotten it right."

"And I'm tellin' ya, it woulda been wrong. You're beatin' yourself up over this, and Buffy is too, how am I the voice of reason all of a sudden?"

"You've always been the voice of reason, Faith. You just never let yourself believe that was the voice that should be heard."

"Yeah, over all the other voices in my fucked up brain, huh?"

"You've gotten better."

"A little."

"A lot." She smiles at me and then gets a confused look.

I know she's thinkin' of her and I wanna ask a question that's been on my mind since I got blown off my feet when the buildin' blew. It'll make Will cry, but that's what I'm aimin' for here.

"You knew Ken knew didn't ya?"

She nods, her face is a painful mask but she seems to keep it all in.

"That's why you left so quickly…without a fight I mean."

Another nod and her breath catches in her throat, "I could hear it in her voice."

I can hear the tears in hers, she's just one or two sentences away.

"She loved you so much, Will. She said to tell you her last thoughts were of you."

That does it. And I'm glad I didn't have to lie to get the bottled up emotions out of her. I feel good about it, even though the situation makes me wanna throw up, and kill Parker and Bobby at the same time.

Her body is wracked with sobs and she's doubled over almost painfully.

I pull her back and down onto the bed to let her cry it out in my arms. Buffy comes outta the bathroom and doesn't say a word, she just gets in bed on the other side and hugs Willow to her. We stay like that for a long while, until Will's cried it out, and we've all gotten too sleepy to do anything else.

Finally, we drift off into an uneasy but oddly comfortin' sleep.

We'll see what tomorrow brings, at least one thing will be happy.

I hope.


	41. Breakin' Through

Chapter 41- Breakin' Through

I'm aware of someone's hand trailin' up my chest and kisses bein' placed on my neck. Willow?

"Willow?!"

"Buffy?"

"Glad you got my name straight, finally. If you had said Andrew I was gonna leave your ass."

"B-B where's Will?"

"She left."

"You let her go?!" I stiffen.

"Relax, Faith, Xander's with her, they went back to HQ to talk and strategize, they decided to hold the rest of the debrief there."

"Why aren't we there?" I sit up and try to shake the sleep from my head.

"Well…" I can hear the playful tone in her voice. "Our appointment is in a few hours, and I thought we could use the rest and alone time."

"Alone time, huh?" I look back at her and wiggle the brows; she gets that shy smile that I love on her face, her cheeks show a hint of a blush.

"Well, maybe just a little." She sits up and rubs my leg through the sheet. "I'll be right back."

"Where ya goin', babe?" I just manage to catch her hand.

"Bathroom, wait right here." She squeezes my hand reassuringly and then lets it go.

"Not goin' anywhere, B." I stretch back out on the bed and sink into the pillows.

Such a huge contrast to the fucked up day we had yesterday. I feel so peaceful. And how can that be with those assholes still on the loose, our headquarters blown up and Kennedy dead?

I guess that's what Buffy does for me. What we do for each other. God, it's changed so much over the years, our relationship.

We went from suspicious motives, to tentative friendship, to betrayal and hatred, to suspicion again and now love.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the sound of the toilet flushin', soon Buffy's walkin' into the room and she goes to the door to make sure it's locked. She takes somethin' off the little table and recites a few words. She must've asked Red to write the spell down so she didn't fuck it up like we did the last time.

She's turned a little to the side, and I can understand when people say they can practically see through someone's clothes. Not that what B's wearin' is see through or nothin', it's just that I'm gettin' really horny and I can imagine her with her nightgown off. She's fuckin' beautiful, big belly and all.

She drops the spell back down onto the table and walks over to the side of the bed that I'm on, she's just standin' there. Waitin'.

I lift up the sheet and scoot over so she can get in, she sits down on the bed with her back turned to me, she looks back at me all coy, and I can see the heat in her eyes.

Minx. God, she makes me nuts.

I get up on my knees and crawl over to her, pushin' her hair off her shoulder and away from her neck so I can plant kisses all over it. Her neck is delicate, but I love the power I can see in it and her shoulders. She make look all small but it's the most efficient use of muscle I've ever seen in a body. I breathe in deep, her shampoo is sendin' my libido into overtime, _she's_ sendin' my libido into the fuckin' stratosphere.

Her breathin' is increasin' and she's squirmin' all around, tryin' to turn towards me, tryin' to pull my head closer to her neck, tryin' to get her nightgown off. I smirk, 'cause I know how she wants it, I know how she wants me to be.

I stop what I'm doin' to her neck and hook my hands under her armpits slidin' her back on the bed into the middle. I scramble around to the front of her and sit on her thighs, bein' careful not to put pressure on her stomach, I push her down so she's layin' back on the mattress puttin' a little pressure on her arms, lettin' her know who's in charge. Her eyes go wide and then narrow with desire.

We spend a few minutes kissin' passionately and I take that time to rip her night gown down the front, she gasps into my mouth.

"Brute," She says when the kiss breaks, but the smirk on her face tells me she loved that I did it.

"Yeah, that's me, Butch T. Brute." I wink and she laughs.

As she's layin' there I can tell she wants my clothes gone, so I decide to give her a little show. I smooth my hands over the front and sides of my shirt and slowly make my way to the bottom of it.

She reaches out to help me and I take her hands in mine, "I thought it was clear what your role in all this was."

"What?"

"You're under my control now, what I say goes."

"Who said?" She's playin' all coy.

"I did," I lean over her and push her arms back into the mattress puttin' a little pressure on them again to let her know who's boss here. I don't put too much, 'cause really I don't wanna hurt her, even if she wanted me to I couldn't, not anymore. That's why in battle I'm glad the slayer takes over, 'cause there's sometimes when we gotta play off each other to win, and that means we might accidentally hit each other or step on each other's back or a whole host of other different ways we could knock the shit out of each other without meanin' to.

Again her eyes are narrowed, she's lettin' me know I may be in control, but she'll fuckin' clock me one if I get too nuts.

"Why you gettin' all mad, B? Is it 'cause _Faithy's_ in charge?" That makes her laugh. Angelus called me that once and every once in a while I use it when I wanna be a goof. He did it to get under my skin, 'cause he thought it was close to 'Buffy' and he was lettin' me know which slayer mattered more. I already knew and accepted that, it don't mean I let him get one over on me. I'm Faithy, bitches, let 'em try and mess with me.

She's gettin' a little impatient 'cause I'm takin' my time, I'm just perched on her legs, leanin' over and lookin' into her eyes.

"Faith," She whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Please…"

"Please what?"

"I wanna see you."

"I'm right in front of you, B. Your eyes go all whacky or somethin'?"

"No, you know what I mean."

"No, I really don't."

She sighs a little frustrated sigh and tries to pull her arms out of my grasp. I tighten my grip. She could really fuck me up if she wanted to, but she loves feelin' a little dominated somtimes, so I know she won't push me off her. Again, I push her arms down into the mattress.

"It's me in charge, you got that?"

She nods.

"I didn't hear nothin', I said, 'You got that'?" I smirk

"Yes," She says breathlessly and a little bitter but I can tell she loves it.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, _Faithy_."

I laugh, "That's right, I'm fuckin' Faithy, damnit!" I lean forward and we kiss passionately. After a few minutes I lift up off her legs and shift to the side. I get mesmerized by the size her boobs seem to have grown to. Damn, it's like she got the best kind of implants, because they're all big and natural and I hope she doesn't get mad that I'm pervin' on 'em.

I lean forward and kiss around the side of the left one, this is my favorite, Buffy's more sensitive on the left and I like to pay special attention to it. She's already squirmin' under me as I lick closer to her areola and then she starts moanin' when I finally close my lips around her nipple. My tongue swirls around it for a little bit, I'm enjoyin' her moans, and her hands find my hair so that she can keep my head close to her. Like I'd be tryin' to go somewhere else. That makes me wanna smile and I look up at her as I create a seal with my lips on her breast and suck on her nipple. She can tell by my eyes I'm smilin', she smiles back and whispers an 'I love you.'

My heart swells and it sends a shot down to my groin.

After a few seconds of some serious suckin', I'm surprised by the warm wetness that springs into my mouth, and I let a little gurgle sound out of my throat at the taste of it.

Damn! I should have known that this is why her breasts were gettin' so big, but I didn't really think much of it. Duh!

I pull one of her hands out of my hair and link our hands together, she loves when we connect like this durin' sex.

I don't think it sucks, either.

Buffy looks at me with curiosity because I'm goin' to town on her nipple and I'm bein' real vocal about it, then her eyes get really wide and she tries to pull me off when she realizes what's happenin'.

"No, Faith!"

I just mmmm my response and keep suckin'.

"Faith!"

Finally after a few more moments I lift my mouth off her nipple.

"What?"

"Th-that's gross…isn't it?"

Man, the look on her face is so classic Buffy, I wanna laugh out loud, so I do.

"B, you're seriously grossed out by that?!"

She shrugs and then nods once, quickly.

"That's a natural occurrence, why would you be grossed out by it?"

"I don't know it just seems…icky."

"No, it's yummy." I think of something I can compare it to. "Ya know when you pour the creamer in your coffee when we're out at a diner and you take a sip from the little container it comes in, and you make that little yum sound in your throat?"

She does that because it's so sexy and she knows I love to see her do it, but it stemmed from her love of the half and half in the cup. 'Extra creamy goodness' she calls it.

She looks like she's rememberin' doin' that very thing and then nods at me.

"Yeah, well that's what it tastes like, kinda warm though, and pretty awesome."

"Yeah?"

I nod, "Yeah."

"I don't know…"

"Buffy," I cut her off, "I can't believe you have a problem with _this_." I point to her breast. "I've had a lot more things of yours in my mouth that you should be grossed out over."

She laughs way too hard and now I'm the one with the curious look on my face.

"R-Remember…" She has to stop to laugh again. I'm laughin' a little with her 'cause I can't help it. "Th-that t-time…" Again she starts the laughin' where she can't catch her breath.

"Breathe, B, breathe." Don't need her passin' out before we get down and dirty, 'cause yeah, we're still doin' that.

"Wh-when…" She cracks up again and I take a moment to help her get herself together by rollin' her nipple in between my fingers and pullin' slightly. "Oh..ho…hold on…" she keeps laughin' and finally catches her breath.

"You remember…" She lets out that half laugh and groan that people get when they're tryin' to surpress a huge laugh. So fuckin' cute. "Wh-hen you were licking me…" She pauses to get the laugh that's dying to come out go then she gets it together a little better, "…all…all over that one day?"

"Which one?" There're so many.

"A c-couple of days after we got together for the first time. W-we were getting ready to go to the train station to see you, Giles and Satsu off to London."

"Oh, man." I groan.

"Yeah," She starts gigglin'. "You wanted to give me something to remember you by and took your time licking me _all_ over," She starts laughin' again and I shudder as I remember why she's laughin'. "E-Even my armpits!"

"Damn, B, why you gotta make fun?"

"The look on your face!" She barely gets out as she starts laughin' hard again.

"Who knew your peach scented deodorant would taste so fuckin' disgustin'?!"

That makes her laugh even harder.

That's right, she had just finished puttin' on her deodorant after her shower when I decided to take her back in the bedroom and worship her body for a while, commitin' it to memory. Every square inch. Until I came to her armpit and it just smelled so good, like peach fuckin' pie, and I stupidly took a huge lick. I guess I was delirious with lust at the time. Shit dude, I must have had the worst fuckin' sourpuss look on my face, 'cause it tasted worse than anything I ever had in my mouth, and I've gotten some bad shit in there from just slayin' mishaps.

It killed the mood for a while, I'll tell ya that. I had to rush into the bathroom to wash my mouth out and brush the shit off my tongue. Buffy was cryin' with laughter then too. Little brat.

I'm still kneadin' her breast as she's laughin' but her laughs become less and less as I start lickin' the soft, warm flesh around her nipple.

"S-So, it doesn't taste bad?"

"Mmm, not at all baby, I think I might gain a hundred pounds on that stuff, it's so creamy."

"Yeah?" She's got that hesitant sound to her voice, but it's the one that tells me she loves it. She loves it all.

"Yeah, just like somethin' else I know." I trail my hand down to her creamy pussy.

She gasps as I rub her clit in a steady round and round motion and happily go back to suckin' on her nipple.

"Oh, god Faith, god…"

I want to do more than just what I'm doin' right now, I'm so excited I want to do everything, but somethin' tells me B wants to take it slow. I can tell what she wants just by the way she's squirmin', she's not tryin' to take things into her own hands so to speak, she wants to make it last.

I remove my fingers from her clit and she grabs my hand to put it back on her.

"No, baby, just wait, you'll see." I wink at her.

"Please," She whispers.

I lick my lips and she bites hers, she knows what I want to do to her.

On my way down to my destination I leave little kisses all over her body, stoppin' to pretend that I'm gonna take a big lick of her arm pit; that gets her gigglin' again, she gradually stops as my kisses get closer to her chest. This time I take a few minutes lickin' and kissin' around each nipple then givin' them their own kiss and licks, and even a bit of a nibble, which she shows her appreciation for with a low moan.

After I hear a bit of an impatient moan I slide down further, givin' the belly a kiss and a rub, for good luck. Soon we'll be seein' what we're havin'. Man, that's some heavy shit.

I don't dwell on it, because I don't want to start feelin' like I'm not gonna be a good parent again. I'll take care of that later.

Right now I gotta take care of this sweet muffin in front of me. I settle down in between her thighs and give them their own kisses and nips, can't let anyone feel left out. She spreads her legs further, makin' sure I have enough access.

Damn, she wants it pretty bad. I feel in just enough of a playful mood that I would normally slide all the way off of the bed pretendin' I fell off, but I know she wouldn't have that shit and I might end up with the lamp from the end table upside my head.

Heh.

I dive right in so to speak, pressin' my face real close to her, so close I feel like I'm drownin' in her wetness. I feel her hands in my hair holdin' me to her.

"Yesssss…" She rasps out when I slide my tongue into her. "Oh, yeah, right there baby."

Where else? I wanna laugh, but I'm busy.

Her legs are flailin' around a bit and I help her out by puttin' them over my shoulders, to take the pressure off her back. My left thumb is on her clit and it's rubbin' just from the motion of her hips, I don't have to think too much about it, which is good 'cause her pussy is givin' me somethin' to think about.

It's pourin' juices out almost faster than I can catch 'em with my tongue, and I keep plungin' in and out of her hole to try and keep up with her wetness. Her moans are gettin' louder and her feet are drummin' into my back. My own clit is throbbin' and I'm squeezin' my thighs together to give it some relief. I know if this goes for a long time, I could come this way, but from the way her hole is clenchin' on my tongue I know it's not gonna be that long.

She give a couple short hard thrusts and calls my name out in a long loud moan, and my clit spasms and throbs just like hers is doin'.

FUCK! I can't believe I came like that. I moan into her then lap at her hole when I recover, which isn't long, but I hold on to keep her steady and so I don't fall in and drown. I feel kinda done, but I wanna make her pleasure lasts as long as it can.

As her legs quiet down I know her clit can't take anymore, so I kiss around her hole, and lap up any remainin' juice before finally crawling my way up to her, she's laid flat out like she was blasted back into the bed by somethin' really strong.

"You with me?"

She lets out a long breath, "Forever."

"You're damn right!" I laugh and then settle on the side of her givin' her neck soft kisses; she finally blinks like she's just come back to life.

"Woah,"

"Yeah, woah."

"How're you feeling?"

"Wonderful, your magic powers hit me right where it counted."

"Really? You…you came?"

"Mmmhmm" I kiss my way softly along her jaw.

"Wow,"

"I'll say," Finally, I make it to her lips. Before I kiss her, I notice a bit of a worry line come out on her forehead.

"Faith, do you think it was wrong?"

"That we just made love?"

She hesitates a moment, then nods.

"Nah, K's probably watchin' and sayin' how she coulda done better."

"Oh god, Faith! Don't say stuff like that." She's reachin' for the covers that are nowhere within her reach. I kicked them off the bed when I made my way down her body. I stop her by takin' her hands in mine and holdin' them close to my body.

"Buffy, we took some comfort in each other, we didn't fuck while Willow was cryin' in our bed for her lost girlfriend. We're not gonna fuck in front of her parents as Willow tells them she's gone."

Shit, I forgot about that.

"Oh no!" I guess B forgot about it too. "Her parents and sister! Has anyone gotten in touch with them?"

"I think Will said she spoke to her sister yesterday, her parents are in Brazil and her sister wants to tell them in person, so Will's gonna go with her, they'll teleport there tonight."

We're silent for a little while. Both of us probably thinkin' the same thing. Life is so fuckin' fleetin', so there one minute and gone the fuckin' next. We have to take comfort in the fact that we're still here, and we have to go on and do what we can to live.

When did I become so fuckin' wise?

"I'm tired," Buffy sighs. "What time is the appointment again?"

"Three thirty, they said to get there at least a half an hour before to fill out some paperwork."

"Ok," She looks like she has somethin' to tell me that I'm not gonna like. "Do you mind if I sleep a bit?"

"B, why're you askin' me?"

"I didn't want to leave you alone."

Shit, that makes me feel like cryin', she's worried about me.

"Baby, you sleep if you need to, you're sleepin' for two now," I rub her belly keepin' the mood light. "Bad baby, makin' momma tired."

She laughs at that, "Your voice is too cute when you talk to the baby."

"Yeah, don't let anyone else know."

"I think you've done it in front of everyone, stop trying to be so tough."

I stick my tongue out at her.

"There's my girl, that was a good one, I especially liked when you wiggled it." Her sleepy voice sounds mischievous.

HA! Minx.

"I'll get you later," I wink.

"Promise?"

"Always, B"

She sighs out and settles onto her side, I get off the bed and gather the covers, placin' them over her and tuckin' 'em in to make sure she's warm enough.

I'm not tired.

"Cuddle?" She whispers. Heh, I don't think I can ever just get away with gettin' up and leavin' her alone to drift off to sleep, unless it's an emergency. But I love this, bein' together like this, so I don't mind one bit.

"Sure, baby." I lift the covers and get in behind her. That bout of lovin' just rejuvenated me, as soon as she drifts off I'll get up and take my shower, then see what to make for lunch, she'll be hungry when she gets up, I know 'cause I'm fuckin' starvin'. I'm what my friend Brian and I used to call Fungry. Fuckin' hungry, dude. I just hope my stomach doesn't growl and scare the shit outta B.

As I lay there, I think of her earlier question and wonder if she wasn't askin' if havin' a kid was a mistake. Like ya know when you ask a question, and you're worried about the person's reaction and they think you're askin' somethin' else, so they answer that and you just let it go, 'cause you really didn't wanna know their real answer was to the question you didn't wanna ask in the first place? I might have to bring it up again, even if I don't wanna, I don't want her worryin' about things.

I place my hand on her stomach and bunch up closer to her. The warmth comin' off her skin just feels so fuckin' good. I wonder if the tingle I feel under my hand is comin' from the baby. And as much as I'm still fucked up in the head, and I won't win no mother of the year awards, I don't think gettin' her pregnant and bringin' this baby into the world was a mistake at all.

I'd call that a breakthrough.

*****

"Faith!"

I stop makin' the last sandwich and run to the stairs.

"What's the matter, B?"

"Uhhh, well, I think…"

I run up the stairs, into the room, and stop in front of her.

"Is it time?!"

"What time?"

"Time, time! Is it time?!"

She's lookin' at me real fuckin' curiously. "What?"

"Did your water break?"

"N-no…but."

"But, what?! What's the matter?"

"The covers are wet, I think I might have wet the bed."

I feel like laughin' but she'd fuckin' clock me one, so I just lift the covers to take a look.

"Don't smell like you wet the bed, are you sure it wasn't your water breakin'?" I feel around her on the bed.

"I'm pretty sure. Wouldn't I be having contractions?"

"I guess."

As I'm feelin' around I notice a familiar smell, it's sweet. I look to where the source of the wetness might be comin' from and it confirms my suspicions.

I manage to keep another laugh in check.

"Uh, B. I think baby girl sprung a leak."

"Baby girl?"

I point to where her nipple is wet with milk.

Her hand flies up to her breast.

"Faith! It's all your fault!"

"Huh?"

"If you didn't get her started this wouldn't have happened!"

"Buffy, you were layin' on your newly ginormous breast, it woulda happened without my help."

She sighs a frustrated sigh.

"So what now? I'll be sitting in a Scooby meeting and my shirt will have two giant wet spots?"

"Nah, baby. They make pads for that stuff. They're circular and fit in your bra. Shit, we gotta get to a maternity store for ya. With everything that's been goin' on I forgot you needed other stuff besides pretty dresses."

She laughs. "How'd you know so much about this stuff? You've been reading on the sly?"

"Nah, I spent a lot of time with Aunt Dee when she had the girls, I changed diapers and helped her with all kindsa things."

"I thought the other day you said you couldn't change Joey's very well?"

"I didn't say I was a diaper changin' expert. 'Sides, usually when they were shitty I'd let Aunt Dee know she had to change it, while runnin' out the door."

"Sneak," B's got that playful sound to her voice, guess she's relieved she didn't piss the bed. "I'll have to remember that."

I throw the covers all the way off and hold my hand out to her, "You won't remember nothin' after I keep your brain so mushed up with lovin'." She takes my hand.

"Oh, yeah?" She looks like she loves that thought.

"Yeah, now get that hot little ass in the shower before I spank it." Damn, there's a thought.

"You went from constant loving to spanks, how's that possible?"

"Spanks from Faithy are lovin' too." I wink and to my relief she laughs. Have I said how thankful I am she's not cryin' at the drop of a hat? I remember Aunt Dee used to give Uncle Jim fuckin' fits, he didn't know whether to hold her, stay away or jump in front of a fuckin' semi doin' 60.

"Are you gonna come help in the shower?"

"As much as I'd love to, we'd never get out, and we'd miss the appointment, so don't tempt me. I'll help you get in though."

We go into the bathroom and I turn on the shower for her, then make sure she doesn't fall while tryin' to step in.

"Call me when you're done and I'll help you out."

"Thanks, Faithy." She smiles. I'm never gonna lose that nickname now.

"You're welcome, B." I lean in for a quick kiss and she lets it linger, givin' me somethin' to think about for later.

Today's gonna be just for us. We have to go to the doctor's and we might have to take care of some business later if Alicia decides to show, but this afternoon, like this mornin' will be just me and B, like we always have been. Laughin' and lovin'.

'Cept for those times we tried to kill each other.

*****

"I shouldn't have eaten that third sandwich." Buffy groans and puts her hand on her stomach.

"You need to be sick?" I look around for a place she can yark.

"Nah, I just feel so full and waddly."

"Oh, well, this walk'll help get rid of some of the sluggishness, you'll see."

We're only a few blocks from the doctor's office, so we're takin' a nice stroll there. The sun is shinin' and it's not too hot. It's a really clear day.

I look up at the sky and out of the corner of my eye, I notice two girls standin' on a buildin', they nod at me when they see me. I recognize 'em as two of Rona's former lieutenants they're standin' guard. This town is small enough to where we can get a few slayers in key locations and we're ok. Can't be too careful, but we don't wanna be too suspicious either.

Soon we're at the buildin' with the doctor's office and we're just starin' at the door. I guess we're both a bit nervous.

After a few moments Buffy's back straightens and she takes my hand. I instantly straighten up too and open the door, here goes somethin'. Heh. I love that line, I might get it on a T-shirt.

Buffy's fillin' out the forms the receptionist gave her, and we're tryin' not to lie too much but if she listed all of her injuries we'd be here all fuckin' day. She's gotta ask me questions too 'cause they want to know if the father has any history of diseases or family history of health problems.

And before you go jumpin' to fuckin' conclusions: No, I've never had any STD's. Can't say that for Buffy though, she told me one time she had crabs, but she wouldn't tell me who gave 'em to her. My guess was Spike, but now that I'm thinkin' about it, it could have been someone she hasn't mentioned she was with. I don't think it was Parker, even though I'd like to pin that shit on him. Speakin' of that, I'd like to pin him to a wall and let some vamps have at his veins. I put that out of my mind, I don't wanna be angry here.

After we finish the forms, I sit back and put my arm around Buffy, she puts her hand on my leg and we're not sayin' nothin'. Just mindin' our own business. I notice one guy with what I assume is his wife, look at where B has her hand and then wink at another guy and they share a smile. One of the guy's women sees it and elbows him in the gut. I blow it off, don't need to start shit, they're not bein' outright hostile or nothin' just livin' a little fantasy out in their heads.

'Sides, this whole town is gay, must be somethin' in the water. Heh.

"Ms. Summers?" The nurse who just came out of the door looks around at the room and Buffy raises her hand. "This way please." She smiles a bright smile, and damned if she don't look like K when I first saw her in Sunnydale. Buffy must think so too, 'cause she looks a bit like she's seein' a ghost. Finally, we get our wits about us and give her a warm smile. She's probably thinkin' we're weird.

I guess she'd be right. We can be very fuckin' weird.

"You're in room #3, I'm Yvette and I'll help get you prepped, the doctor should be right in. Then we'll get you to the nutritionist who'll make sure you're eating right. From the looks of it, you're very healthy."

Buffy nods and takes the gown from Yvette, she's still a little stunned.

"You'll need a full physical, I understand you haven't seen anyone since your sixth week and now you're at least…5 months I'd say, no?" She's eyein' up Buffy's stomach.

B nods again, lookin' a little embarrassed. "Well, I'll let you get undressed and put that on. I'm sorry, is this your…?" She's lookin' at me.

"Girlfriend," I say and B gives me a look. "What?"

"She's my wife, she keeps forgetting." Buffy says to Yvette, soundin' a bit irritated.

Yvette looks like she's walked into a fight but she manages a smile. "I forget I'm married sometimes, too." She winks at me.

What the shit is that supposed to mean? I look at Buffy like I didn't even hear Yvette's comment, 'cause it's not helpin' me.

I think she realizes how that sounded and looked. "I-I mean because I work so much."

"Oh," Buffy says relieved. I think some of those hormones are seepin' in today.

"I'll leave now, and when I come back I promise, no more inappropriate sounding comments, how's that?"

We laugh.

"Sounds great," I say. "Thanks."

"No problem." She says as she leaves. No inappropriate looks either. Whew.

"I hate these things," B says as she puts the gown on the bench and starts to get undressed.

"I know, not fashionable at all." I pick it up and inspect it. It's paper and scratchy feelin', I hope it doesn't irritate Buffy too much.

Finally, she's all done dressin' and complainin', Yvette comes back in and tells B to piss in a cup. She goes in the little bathroom they got off this room and does her thing, all the while mutterin'. When she comes out she holds the cup like it's radioactive, Yvette takes it from her and gives it to another attendant and then waits as Buffy washes her hands, then she takes some vitals.

I watch all of this like an out of body experience.

I don't know why but I'm fuckin' goin' nuts, I feel like I'm about to crawl out of my skin and I wanna scream.

I guess I'm nervous about seein' the kid, nervous about bein' a parent at all, nervous about fuckin' it all up.

In a minute, we're supposed to get an ultrasound and find out the sex of the baby and I'm just feelin' weird that I'll be able to see it and I'm wonderin' how I'm gonna act.

Like, what happens if I see it and I don't feel a connection? Buffy would fuckin' kill me. Or I start thinkin' that I'm not good enough to raise a kid again and take it out on her. I don't know why seein' the baby on the screen will be different then seein' Buffy with a big belly and knowin' I helped make her that way, but it just seems like it's gonna be.

Fuck, maybe we did make a mistake. Someone fuckin' kill me, please.

I just kinda stand mute to the side, silently havin' a massive fuckin' breakdown, while the nurse and attendant do their thing to Buffy who I can see lookin' at me from the corner of my eye. I bet she's wonderin' what she'll do and say if I bolt.

A little while later there's a short knock on the door and the doctor comes in.

"Ms. Summers, my name is Dr. Mendoza." He shakes B's hand politely as she's on the table all layin' awkwardly with her feet in the stirrups. Then he looks at me. "This is your wife?"

I nod at him. Yvette must have given him the heads up.

He holds his hand out, I take it and introduce myself.

"Looks like you're a bit worried about the scan, Faith." How the frick did he know? I guess my face is a fuckin' open book. I keep forgettin' about that.

"Just a little," I sigh. "Kinda anxious more than worried." I jam my hands into the pockets of my jeans and shrug.

"Well don't be, this scanner is state of the art." He pats it like it's his kid and he's proud of it. "You'll be able to see your baby in 3D. How does that sound?"

My eyes go wide.

"Great," I manage to grunt out. Just great.

"You're not convinced, I can tell, but don't worry it won't be gory, I promise."

First, he gets in front of B and tells her the standard stuff, she might feel a little pressure and the instrument is a little cold and blah, blah, blah. I look away for a little bit while he does his thing, when I look back, he puts a swab on a tray Yvette has and she takes that away, then he helps B take her feet outta the stirrups and then puts a thin paper blanket over her lower half and pulls the gown up over her belly. Yvette tells Buffy the gel will be cold, and true to form Buffy squeals a little and squirms around.

That makes me laugh and the doctor smiles at me, "She's ticklish, no?"

"Very."

"Look who's talking," Buffy says to me.

I forget I was havin' a breakdown two minutes ago and I blow her a kiss. I know I don't wanna fight, even if it's a pretend one.

"Here we go, moms."

I take my hands outta my pockets and reach for B's hand.

He puts the wand thingie to her belly and then the screen crackles to life. I'm holdin' onto her hand like we're standin' in a stiff wind and I'm afraid she's gonna be blown away. She puts her other hand over mine, holdin' on just as hard.

After a few moments of nothin' I see a shape. "There we are, moms. There's your baby."

I'm fuckin' speechless. I don't even know what to say. Heh. Fuck, I'm dumb sometimes.

"Oh, god, Faith." Buffy gasps. "I-I can't believe it, the nose, the lips…it's…it's…"

She stopped in mid sentence but I know what she's talkin' about.

It's me, only in a smaller form, and all 'Tron' lookin'.

"You wanted to know the sex, right?" Doctor Mendoza says gettin' ready to move the wand lower.

"It's a girl," I say. I dunno why, I just have a feeling.

"You're absolutely right," The Doc says as he sees between the baby's legs.

"She's beautiful," B says in awe. I can hear the tears in her voice, and don't even realize I'm also cryin' until I blink and feel one drop onto my cheek.

I let go of Buffy's hand and walk closer to the monitor. Without even thinkin' about it I kneel down and kiss the screen.

"Hey, look at you." I say lovingly. Surprisin' me with the strength of my voice. "Look at you all big and beautiful." I kiss the screen again, not even thinkin' about bein' sanitary. "I'm one of your moms, and I'm here to tell ya that you're gonna have the best life that we can give ya. Now, it's not gonna be all fun all the time, sometimes you gotta do things like take naps when you don't wanna, and eat things you don't wanna, and do your homework when you don't wanna, but me and your other mom will love you very much. You're gonna be somethin' some day, you'll go to school and college and probably be a doctor. I don't like lawyers so I don't want you to be one of them." I hear Buffy laugh. "Unless you're one of the ones that do good things for families in need. Not one of the ones who tear families apart and allow dads to not pay support and add to your mom's view of the world bein' out to get her so that she takes it out on you anyway she can. No, baby, it's gonna be a good life, I promise you that, and I hope you're ready for it. This world might not be the best to be bringin' you out into, there are a lot of hardships, but we love you and you'll love us, too and that's all that matters anyway." I kiss the screen one more time and get up. I keep lookin' for a few more seconds and then turn around.

B's bawlin' silently and Yvette's got tears in her eyes. Even the doc looks a bit moved.

What? I didn't think I said anything particularly stellar or nothin', just what was in my heart.

I go back to Buffy and she grabs both my hands and kisses them. I lean in and give her a kiss, and she sweetens it by slippin' a little tongue in.

"Woah, save that for later, baby." I whisper in her ear after the kiss breaks.

"I've got a lot of stuff I'm saving for later." Oh fuck, I hope so, 'cause she's got me all hot and bothered now.

After we remember where we are and there are other people in the room, I see that Yvette has cleaned B's stomach and the doctor is waitin' for us to be done so he can talk to Buffy about what's next.

"Everything looks as it should, we're just going to take some blood and then you can go see the nutritionist, who happens to be my wife." He winks, then looks at me. "I'd like to talk to Faith a moment while Yvette is finishing up, is that ok?" He looks at us both.

I nod and Buffy says it's ok.

He leads me out into a side room.

"Did you use a donor in the family?"

"Yeah," I lie.

"When you answered the questions on the forms, you answered for him?"

"Yeah, is that ok?"

"Well, we really need him to come in, there's just one more test we need to do."

"He doesn't have AIDS."

"The father is around though, no?"

"It's kinda complicated."

The doc looks like he knows somethin' and I fuckin' get a sinkin' feelin', suddenly I look towards the door and I'm ready to bolt.

"Faith, I knew Rona, and my cousin Nettie is a slayer, I think you know her."

Fuck, that's a fuckin' relief. I let a huge sigh out.

"Yeah, I know Nettie, she's a good girl."

"That's good to hear." He smiles then looks serious. "So, this was a mystical pregnancy?"

"In a way," I'm not sure what I should tell him. "Like I said it's complicated."

"Faith, I don't know what you'll think of me, but I'd like to dedicate most of my practice to the cause. I heard what happened in New York and I was sick." Fuck what I think of him, I wonder what he'd think of me if I picked him up and gave him a huge kiss. "Nettie said the girl who died was a hero."

"She was; we were good friends."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks."

"Please, what can I do to help?"

"I'll put you in touch with some people. It'd be good to have a place over here to be able to come to and we're kinda out of a place right now where our docs can work from."

He nods, I don't know him from nowhere but I see the sincerity in his eyes. "They'll call me?"

"Someone will be in touch, and thanks."

"You're welcome. Now open up," He winks. I see he's got a swab in his hand. He swabs my inner cheek and puts it in a bag. "Sorry, standard procedure."

"I know." Don't wanna mess with standard procedure.

We shake and he gives me his card. "Please, have them call me, I'm serious."

"I know ya are, I'll let them know as soon as I can."

"Good, see you soon."

"You bet."

When I get back in the room B's all dressed and ready to go see the nutritionist.

"I'm hungry again." She says with a blush, her stomach just growled loudly.

"Right after we see the nutritionist we'll stop by that Brazilian barbeque place and get a couple platters of stuff."

"That sounds wonderful!"

I'll fuckin' say. It's great food and only $10 bucks for a huge thing of rice, 3 different kinds of grilled meat, Spanish cut fries, and steamed vegetables. I'll call Aunt Dee and see what they're up to, maybe I'll need to get a few of them.

We get shown to another room, and a woman lookin' like she's 17 and a model, greets us as Carol, Dr. Mendoza's wife, she's also a doctor. We introduce ourselves and sit down as she gets out a chart.

"Have you been having any unusual cravings?" She asks Buffy.

"Like pickles and ice cream?"

"No, like starch straight out of the box."

"Really?" Buffy says skeptically.

"Yes really," Carol doesn't look like she's jokin'.

"No," I can tell Buffy still thinks her leg's bein' pulled.

"Ok, how about paint chips?"

We both crack up. The doc ain't laughin' with us.

"Y-you're serious?"

"Yes, I'm quite serious."

"Paint chips?"

"Yes, have you had any cravings for them."

"Not in the slightest."

"Good," Carol makes another tick on her chart and then gets out a wheel lookin' thing, kinda like some pocket calendar but it's round.

"When did you say your last period was?"

Fuck, that was like a month ago but she'll be freaked out if we say that.

"I um, kinda had one a month ago."

Oh well.

"So you've been having your period regularly?"

"Sorta,"

"Oh, then I guess we'll have to wait for the results from your urinalysis to give an accurate date of when your baby will be born."

I doubt it, but that's not their fault. Super slayer baby is the problem. That girl is already makin' problems. I'm gonna have to talk to her about that.

Me and B share a look and smile at each other.

"Here's a list of some of the things you should be avoiding, and what you should be eating and drinking for the baby to be healthy. Which I hope upon hope you've already been doing. Why did you wait so long between doctor's visits?"

"We-we…I was," Buffy starts. Carol's all ears, and looks at B over her glasses like she's a teacher and B was caught cuttin' class.

"Buffy and I were having some problems and uh…" I try to help her out but a knock on the door saves us.

"Carol, Pedro needs your assistance in the room two with one of the other patients, high risk." She says with a look at the end that says it's kinda urgent.

"Ok, I'll be right there." She looks back at us. "Just promise me you won't leave it so long the next time, eh?"

"We promise." Buffy says.

"We'll see you in a couple of weeks?"

"Sure,"

"Stop by Vanessa's desk and she'll give you a card and the pictures from your scan."

"Thanks," We both say excitedly and then we all get up. She extends her hand to each of us.

"It was nice meeting both of you, see you soon."

"You too."

We rush out to reception area to get the pictures. We're also hungry and now I can't wait for our barbeque feast.

On our way to the place, I call Aunt Dee and she says they're still in the city and have already eaten, they're gonna come back tomorrow. It sounds like she wants to give us some alone time. I tell her about the baby and she squeals and tells the other people around her and I hear more squeals. She says they can't wait to see the pictures.

We both tell each other to be careful and then hang up.

When Buffy and I get back to the house we lay out the food and make a nice dinner out of it. I have a bit of champagne and she has some white grape juice. We toast our good fortune.

It's fuckin' wonderful we can finally celebrate somethin'.

*****

"Faith, where are those pads Vanessa gave us? And did you change the sheets?" B calls out from upstairs.

"Yeah, baby, hold your horses, the pads are in the hall on the table, I'll get 'em." She must be leakin', heh, I know it shouldn't be but it's funny to me. She's still blamin' me for suckin' on 'em and gettin' her started, but I think it happened before and she won't say 'cause blamin' me is funner. "And yeah, I changed the sheets, I even put 'em in the washin' machine."

I'm walkin' to the hall table by the front door when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"So domesticated you are."

"Alicia, fuck, you're _so_ lucky I didn't have a stake in my hand."

"I think you know your instincts better than that. You would have broken off a piece of the table and I wouldn't have gotten so much as a 'so' out if you didn't feel it was me."

"So"

She laughs, 'cause she knows I'm makin' fun.

"Yes, 'so'. I was called to come here, they said you wanted to see me."

"Yeah, but I'll wait for B to finish gettin' dressed." I hold up the pads in my hand and realize she needs these. "I'll be right back, down, don't go anywhere."

"I'm an eternal being, I've got all eternity, take your time."

"Not if a piece of wood finds the sweet spot of your heart." I don't know why but I like to push her buttons.

"You're exactly like your grandmother."

That makes me stop and think.

"Faith!"

That makes me run up the steps.

I practically run over Buffy as she's comin' outta the room. "The pads!" She irritatedly takes them out of my hand. "Finally, the left one, the one you call sweetness is spouting like Old Faithful, you should've seen when I was in the shower. What?" She finally sees the look on my face.

"You're fuckin' beautiful." She's got this light comin' from behind her and I see the angel I fell in love with comin' outta the Bronze in Sunnydale, 'cept this time she's in a towel.

"You're no slouch either, but we already did it for like two hours after dinner, Faith. I need a little more recovery time." She laughs.

I don't hear what she said, all I can think of is she's my angel. I back her up to the wall and kiss her hungrily. She goes with it for a while, losin' herself in the kiss until I feel her stiffen.

"Faith!" I'm nibblin' at her neck and she tries to push me off. "Faith! There's someone here, a vampy someone. I can feel it, the hairs on the back of my neck…"

"Oh, fuck, I forgot!"

"Alicia's here, isn't she?"

"Yeah, shit."

"Let me get dressed and I'll join you two downstairs. Really, Faith!"

"What?"

"You're gettin' as bad as me with the horniness!"

"Since when have I been better?"

I hear Alicia clear her throat.

"What's with vamps and their sneaky ways?" I turn to her.

"After a few years of hiding in the shadows you get the knack."

"Let's go downstairs, B's not done dressin'."

"I heard, you weren't being helpful in that capacity, in fact you were a hinderance."

"You mind your own beeswax." I say as I follow her down the steps.

Fuck, 'beeswax'?

I'm definitely losin' my edge.

*****

Buffy's finally done dressin', even though she just had to put on a sun dress she took for-fuckin'-ever, but she looks like sex on a stick so I don't complain.

Man, maybe I am havin' sympathy horny pregnancy hormones like she said.

She says hello to Alicia and comes and sits on my lap. As soon as she finds a position she's comfortable with, I shift her a little so she's not cuttin' off the circulation in my leg and we look at Alicia, waitin' for her to begin.

She's smilin' and then realizes we're waitin' on her.

"I'm just so happy for you two."

"We're kinda happy too." I squeeze B's hand and we share a short laugh.

"Just a little." She twists her head a little and gives me a quick kiss.

Ok, we're bein' a bit sickening I know, so we'll stop. But Alicia looks like she's proud.

"So, Alicia, I wanted to see you for a few reasons, one was that I heard…"

"About your father being controlled by Parker and Bobby."

"Yeah, fuck, what the hell?! You got me mic'ed up?"

Buffy pulls my hand a little closer so I don't try to get up.

"No, Willow contacted me and when I asked her about what you wanted, she told me."

"Oh, ok. Sorry." Still got that hot head I'm so famous for.

"It's true, he was being controlled by them."

"Why didn't you tell me at Gee Gee's wake that night?"

"Because, I still wasn't sure of his motives. I didn't find out until very recently about him being under their control. I'm sorry to say Faith, I've seen your father over the years, and he was exactly the person you remember from childhood."

"But he was trying to change, wasn't he?"

"Yes, he was, and for that I feel bad that he didn't get to live to realize that."

"So you would have told me if you knew before?"

"Of course, what do you think my life's work is?"

"Bein' a souled vamp?"

"And watching over you."

I mumble somethin' and B smacks my hand.

"What was that?" Alicia narrows her eyes at me.

"Nothin', sorry."

She sighs 'cause she knows I can be pretty difficult when I wanna be, and I hate that she knows that but I don't really know squat about her.

"Faith…" Alicia starts.

"Alicia," B stops her. "Can I see you in the other room?"

"Sure, if it's ok with Faith."

"It's ok with Faith." B says and gives me that look like it better be 'cause she's doin' it anyway.

I shrug. "Whatever."

"Yeah, we'll deal with 'whatever' later, you just wait here and be good."

Buffy fuckin' doesn't trust me, after the day we had today. What the fuck is up with that?

She's gotta treat me like I'm some kinda kid. I sit there with my arms folded across my chest and I grumble. Then I kick the leg of the coffee table and it goes skiddin' across the room and knocks down some glasses.

"Faith?! What was that?"

"Nothin' just dropped some stuff tryin' to carry it to the sink." I'm such a fuckin' liar.

I jump up and put the coffee table back in place, and pick up the glasses that miraculously didn't break. Shit, I need to clean up what spilled though.

As I'm moppin' the stuff up, B comes back in the room.

"Have a good talk?"

"Faith, don't be like that."

"Buffy, like what?"

"Like that!"

"Oh, so if I take Alicia in the other room now you'll be ok with staying here?" I say with my hand on my hip like she came home late and dinner is spoiled.

"Yes, in fact I was just going to tell you Alicia wants to see you in the other room."

Fuck, I can't even be mad at her for no reason and win. She can win at these kinds of childish fights, why can't I?

I just stomp off into the other room. As soon as I get in I'm caught up in a headlock and I feel somethin' sharp at my neck.

"Why do you mistrust me, Faith?"

"Maybe 'cause you got me in a headlock and a knife to my throat?" As soon as I find out what I wanna she's fuckin' dead.

She lets me go and shows me it was a banana.

"You're fuckin' skatin' on really thin ice Alicia, stop with the bullshit and tell me what I need to know."

"Parker is at your apartment in the village, he's been living there for a week now."

I spin on my heel and open the door, Buffy's puttin' on her shoes and gettin' her light jacket. Her stomach's gone and she's in her kickin' ass outfit.

What the fuck?! Did I hit my head? Am I wakin' up from a coma I didn't know I was in?

One of the wicca come out of the kitchen.

And I point to her.

"Belly glamour, are you gonna get ready to go or what?"

"Buffy, you're, you're not…"

"No, I'm not."

Phew.

"_We_ are."

"Wait, what are we doin'? Killin' a human?"

"He's not human anymore."

Alicia says and I jump 'cause I didn't know she was behind me. Fuckin' sneaky vamp.

"He's a vamp?"

Buffy nods.

Fuck, what the hell's happenin', it's all goin' too fast.

"Trust me, Faith."

Buffy teleports out with the wicca and I wanna fuckin' smash somethin'.

"He's slept in your bed this whole time."

He's fuckin' dead, that fucker.


	42. Slowly I Turn

Chapter 42- Slowly, I Turn

I grab on to Alicia and teleport us in to the apartment.

Fuck, I haven't been here in weeks, I didn't realize how much I missed it.

When I get my bearin's, I notice Buffy smackin' Parker who's tied to a chair.

"I thought you were pregnant," He sneers at her. "Shame you lost it. Probably for the best though, with you and your bitch as mothers it would have been another little whore."

I let the anger course through me but I know better than to lash out in a situation like this, Buffy's in control of it and he'd only use my reaction to his advantage.

Buffy bends down and pulls his head back by his hair, talkin' real close to his face.

"Not that it's any of your business, but my 'little whore' as you put it, will grow up strong and beautiful, just like my 'bitch', so go fuck yourself Parker, you're not getting inside my head this time. Sad to say, but you're the loser in this scenario, your plan didn't work."

"We got your bitch's father, and we blew up your operation."

"You blew up a building, that's easily fixed."

"Can't rebuild your friend," Parker cries out 'cause B just pulled his hair harder, but he manages to laugh it off. "Not even the kings horses, or the kings men can put Humpty Slayer together again." He laughs out loud.

Still, I don't move from my spot. I'm only here for back up.

"Yes, we lost a friend, but we're slayers, we know we're only here on borrowed time. Even so, we've made lives that you can only hope to live. Your un-dead life is about to end by the way, any last requests?"

"Kill me quickly, I can't stand your face. Even when I was fucking you in college, I was picturing someone else. Why did you think I never wanted seconds?"

'Cause you're a fuckin' idiot. I want to rip his head off his shoulders with my bare hands.

Buffy stands up and walks towards me. She pulls me close and looks in deeply into my eyes.

"Do you think she'll want to do this alone?"

I'm puzzled for a second and then it dawns on me, "Let's ask her." I smile.

Buffy nods at Taylor, the wicca that came with Buffy and suddenly Willow's head materializes in mid-air.

"You guys found him? Cool, I'll be right there."

A split second later and her head becomes solid and her body comes in view. Fuckin' Will with the skills, shit, it's awesome to watch.

"He's all yours, Will. He wants it done quickly."

"That can be arranged." She smirks. "But won't be happening." She walks around him as if sizin' him up. "No, I figured out a way to make him pay for every life he's taken that wasn't his to take."

"Hell dimension?"

"Something like that," Will gets out this little crystal ball lookin' thing. Fuck, it's a snow globe. "He'll be put in here, and when you shake it up he dusts, and the dust makes it look like it's snowing. But then he's back together again. Like Humpty Slayer."

Wow, dude, that's kinda clever, but really weird. And she heard that little dig from Parker, he's so dead.

"Y-You wouldn't." Parker sounds frightened. He must have some snow globe fear or somethin'. I guess he'd be brought back to unlife each time so he'd have to live out his days in that thing, only to be dusted each time someone shakes it.

"I wouldn't?" Will is really scary soundin', but it's fuckin' awesome, really sexy.

There's a couple of tense moments and then Will's arm shoots out from her side and the ropes that are around Parker burn, he doesn't catch on fire though. His body is levitatin' off the chair and Will leads him to right in front of Buffy.

"I guess I wouldn't after all." She drops her arm and he stands right in front of B, who drops the stake she's holdin' in his chest. And then he's dust.

"Well, that was fun." Will says putting away her stuff.

That ending was kinda anti-climactic, but shit, we're not a real flashy operation if we don't hafta be, we just get the job done and move on. Was kinda lookin' forward to torturin' him a bit, but I shouldn't look forward to that kinda shit anymore.

Seems like B and Will were a team in this one.

"Did you guys have this planned?" I ask.

"Nope, we just improvised." Buffy says.

"I guess if you know someone long enough, or if you connect with them really well, you know how they're gonna react to a certain situation." Will shrugs.

"We could have played with him a little more, but none of that matters, what matters is we got him." B looks at Alicia. "Thanks for the tip-off."

"You're welcome."

"How long's he been a vamp?" I ask Alicia.

"For about a year. He was wearing a glamour. It was really good though, I only saw through it last night."

"How?"

"He was with a petite blonde, and he brought her up here."

Ugh, my stomach is already turnin'.

I hold up my hand as Alicia's startin' to tell us how she saw him take the girl into our room, they started to get busy and he vamped out.

"I can't hear anymore, I'll be out on the balcony. I need some air."

Buffy doesn't say anything as I pass by her. She knows I need to decompress. Everything just happened so fast, and as much as I loved to get that fuck face, I feel like our fight's not over, it just hasn't sunk in yet I guess.

After a few minutes the door to the balcony opens and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"What's up, Alicia?"

"You seemed out of sorts, I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"That's nice of you, after fuckin' with me earlier."

"Sorry for that, you make me crazy with the mistrust though, you're just like Giulia."

"You keep sayin' that! I'm nothin' like her, she was a wonderful woman." I gesture towards the door. "If I'm good at all it's because of Buffy. It's because I love her so much that I don't wanna fuck up again, but I keep feelin' like I am."

"You haven't seen Pam again yet have you?"

"What the fuck is a therapist gonna do for me now?"

"It's someone neutral to talk to, someone who you don't really know, who you might feel comfortable with in opening up your feelings about your mother. Someone who you won't think will be freaked out, or pity you when you tell them what she did."

I shudder.

"I'm sorry, I know it's hard for you."

"What's hard for me is the fact that you seem to know everything about that, but you didn't do jack fuckin' squat about it at the time."

"I did what I could."

"What the fuck was that?"

"You never saw that bastard David again did you?"

Oh fuck. Him. Ma's boyfriend, the one who fuckin' beat the snot outta her and me and then raped her in front of me.

"She blamed me for that."

"I know, and I'm sorry, I just couldn't take what he did."

"Why didn't you just get me outta there?"

"I tried to save you all. Kate was a child of the woman I loved…" Shit, I keep forgettin' how she felt about Gee Gee. How they felt about each other. She's quiet for a few moments more. "I thought if I got rid of him, if Kate saw what a good life could be like, she'd…"

"She wouldn't feel the need to sell herself for drugs, huh?"

"Faith, I didn't know everything that was going on."

"Why didn't you come to me and tell me who you were, why didn't you…"

"You wouldn't have believed me."

She's fuckin' right, I woulda taken the iron poker from the fireplace and tried to bat her head outta the park. I was pretty fuckin' good with one of those things, 'specially as I got older.

"Did you know I was destined to be a slayer?"

"No, not until you were older, about a year before you were called."

"Was I your assignment?"

"Not officially."

Fuck, I didn't need to hear that.

"How many innocent people died while you were watchin' over me?"

She doesn't answer. Her silence is my answer.

"Faith, it's true, I wasn't supposed to be looking after you. You just sort of…"

"Were a mistake, I get it."

"No, don't do that, Faith!"

"Do what, Alicia?" Shit, this is déjà vu.

"Talk like that about yourself, you weren't a mistake. You're a wonderful person. You're going to make an excellent parent."

"I don't know about excellent, but I already promised the baby I'd try my hardest."

"You did, when?"

"Durin' the ultra-sound." I take a picture out of my back pocket and look at it before handin' it over.

"It's a girl?" She finally whispers with some emotion in her voice, she had been starin' at it for a while.

"Yeah, looks just like me, don't it?"

"Exactly like you, but I can see some of Buffy, too."

"Yeah, the ears, right?" I smile when I think of B's ears.

"I can see that, but also I think, the chin."

"But the rest is all me, huh?"

"Definitely." Alicia smiles big at me and then again at the picture. "She's going to be a lovely child."

"Not gonna know what it's like to not be loved, that's for sure." I walk back over to the railing and lean down on it. I like standin' out here like this.

"You were loved." Alicia comes over to me and puts her hand on my back. Those vamp alarms scream at me, and I don't know why but I wanna give in to them.

Maybe I do need to go to therapy. I still feel like killin' shit is the answer.

Can't have that when I'm tryin' to raise a family.

Well, maybe it's just the undead and demons that I wanna kill. Who'd blame me? 'Sides, I still don't know if Alicia really is on my side or not.

I don't know why I can't fully trust her.

Maybe it's because if she loses her soul she'd come after me and my family and then I'd have to waste her. If I don't get close now and that becomes an eventuality then I don't have to feel guilty.

Who says I don't listen to myself?

Heh.

"Let's go back inside, I wonder what B's up to." I straighten up and put my arm around Alicia. She seems surprised at my gesture.

"Ok. Here's your picture back."

"Keep it, got a ton, we're handin' 'em out."

"Technology, eh?"

"Yep, fuckin' A, huh?" I laugh.

*****

"So, Alicia, you and my grandmother got busy, huh?"

I've had a few too many and Buffy's tryin' to get me to stop talkin'. She's pullin' on my arm but I don't let her lead me into the other room.

She and Willow were goin' through stuff, makin' sure shit's not bugged and seein' what Parker might have gotten his dirty hands into, while I drank whatever I could find in my secret stash under the sink. It's my secret stash not because I'm not allowed to have any, but because I don't wanna share it. Giles gave me this bottle, it's was a good year for single malt scotch he said, in fact he gave me two bottles but the other one I already finished.

One thing's for sure about this place, we're burnin' the fuckin' bed and all the sheets. I'm not sleepin' on that shit no more. If I'm even gonna stay here anymore. We love it, but I dunno. Havin' him be here and livin' in our shit, makes me wanna gag.

"Faith, would you come in the bedroom, please?" Buffy's strugglin' to pull my sorry ass in there.

"Yeah, I'd come in the bedroom, in fact I've come in the bedroom, in the closet, on that counter in there. Even one time half way out the window. You remember that time?"

"Why'd you get drunk?" Buffy's all irritated and I know I'm in the shit now. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothin', B. I'm doin' some celebratin'! Can't I do some celebratin'?" I stop fightin' her and pull her to me. "Mmmm you smell real nice, baby. Like home." I breathe in her scent, it always makes my heart a bit fucked up.

For a second she leans in to me, she likes when I get like this, but she's on guard 'cause she knows what I'm capable of when I'm this way. And I hate that she knows that, 'cause that means I'm a huge asshole when I'm drunk and pissed off for no apparent reason.

"'C'mon, Faith. Why don't you go sleep it off? Me and Will'll come get you when it's time to go."

"Come with me?" She knows it's got another meanin'.

"No, Faith, we still have some work to do." She's tryin' to pull out of my grasp and I'm tryin' to keep her close to me. "Faith, just go sleep it off, baby, you'll be fine in a couple of hours."

"I don't wanna sleep, I want you."

"Later, ok?"

"No, not ok." I'm real mad now and my voice shows it. I go to walk away but she pulls me back in and I grab her wrists, breakin' her hold on me. "Why do I have to jump when _you_ say so?!"

"W-what?" She's stunned at my abruptness and attitude.

"Faith!" Willow yells. "Let her go!" She can see Buffy strugglin' to get her hands out of my grasp.

So, I do what I'm told, like a good puppy. And like the asshole I am, Buffy wasn't ready for me to do that so her hand smacks herself in the face.

What happens next is like a dream. I'm bound by Will's mystical chains and Buffy's standin' there stunned holdin' her cheek. She looks like she wants to go find the stake she used on Parker and come dust me, too.

Fuck, I'm such a douche.

"Buffy, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry."

"Oh, you're sober now, huh, Faith?"

She goes over to the single malt goodness I've got on the coffee table and throws it up against the wall.

"Will, get me out of here."

"No, Buffy, please don't go, I'm sorry. I…"

Fuck, I don't know what to say. I don't wanna sound like one of those wife beaters who says all the shit the woman wants to hear.

How in the hell did I let this happen?

"I just need to be away from you for a little while, Faith. I think you need to think things over by yourself."

No, I want to think them over with her, but I don't wanna beg. I should though, I should beg at her feet for the rest of my life.

Just like my mom used to make me do.

"I think I need you to help me, B."

"I'll help you, but you have to help yourself first. You're all over the place! One minute you're all sweetness and good intentions and the next you're sucking down bottles of scotch and trying to pull my arms off."

I didn't realize I was pullin' her that hard.

"Why don't you sleep here and I'll go back to the house, then you can call me tomorrow."

"Ok, B, sure. That sounds ok." No it really doesn't but I suck it up. Don't wanna be screamin' at her or bawlin' like a baby, so I just say what sound right. "I really didn't mean to hurt you." Maybe I did just a little and that's why I'm not fightin' for her to stay.

"I know," She comes up to me and kisses my cheek. I can't hold her 'cause I'm in the bindings still. She leans up and whispers in my ear. "I love you, but you need to work things out for yourself, Faith. You've been skirting around the issue for a while now, and I let you because you had just come out of a coma and then we were on a mission. You need to solve it now though. I won't have another scene like tonight. Not with Junior on the way." She pats at her stomach and I wanna cry. I fucked up.

Again.

"I'll make that appointment I've been meanin' to with Pam first thing tomorrow."

"Why not email her tonight? She responded pretty quickly the last time."

"You're right." I give her a kiss of my own on her cheek. Will lets the binds go and I'm thankful to her. I hold my arms in front of me, linkin' my hands together, I'm not sure what to do with them. "Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely, call me when you can." She gives me one more kiss to the cheek and then walks over to the couch, she waits until Will's ready to teleport them outta here. She looks at Alicia, then nods and then just like that she, Will and Taylor are gone.

I look over at Alicia and sigh a huge sigh.

"You're surprised she acted that way?"

"No, I'm surprised you're still here." Fuck, I just can't stop bein' an asshole to her, it's like I'm my mother and she's me.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You promised Buffy you'd stay, huh?"

"How did you know?"

"Just 'cause I can't hear what you say to her in her head, don't mean I can't see it written on her face."

"You two have a great bond."

"We did until tonight." I sigh again and sit on the couch with my head in my hands.

"Don't talk like that, she's not going to leave you over this."

"This is just one of the many fucked up nights in our relationship courtesy of me."

"She hasn't ever, as you say, 'fucked up'?"

"She has, but not as much as me."

"You're in a real relationship, it's not going to be all wonderful all the time."

"Why can't I just…"

"Be someone you're not?"

I pick up my head from my hands and look at her like the smart ass I am, "Stop hurtin' her, I was gonna say."

"She was stunned more than hurt by that accident just before, you didn't mean for her to hit herself. You didn't haul off and slap her."

"I mean in general. She's got a pregnancy that's runnin' fuckin' off the rails, she was nuts for a couple of months while I was in my coma…"

"If you're going to think of things that way, you endured a building explosion because of someone she dated in college."

"Someone who hooked up with a kid and his sister from my past." I chuckle 'cause I just threw a wrench in her shit.

"He sought them out because they were connected to you, because you were with her."

Shit, I didn't think of that. I go quiet for a while.

"Hey, speakin' of Bobby, we've still gotta look for him. Where's he been?"

"He turned up in the East River this morning."

"Lemme guess, he wasn't practicin' his rowin' for the Olympics."

She shakes her head.

"Parker had a fondness for dumpin' bodies in the water, huh?" I ask.

"Yes, no weights, he wanted them found."

"He loved to send messages."

She nods.

"What was with Moscow?"

"From what we can guess it was a distraction, and Bobby wanted to go big."

"I guess burnin' down our clubhouse when we were kids wasn't big enough for him."

"I guess not." She looks uneasy. Damn, I wonder if she was watchin' me that day.

That's fuckin' freaky to me.

"My guardian Alicia, what would I've done without ya?"

She sighs, she's got stuff to say but she won't.

I have a feelin' she did a lot of shit to protect me, and feels guilty that she couldn't do more. Hindsight's a mother fucker.

Again, we go quiet for a while.

"Are you going to email Pam?" She says after some throat clearin'.

I stretch out my arms and legs before I get up off the couch. "Yeah, I guess I better go do that."

When I'm in the room I hear her talkin' on her phone to someone. I don't listen in, I don't really wanna know what she's sayin' and to who.

Who. Whom. Fuck it. I'm no scholar, that's for fuckin' true.

I email Pam and then decide to change the sheets, I'm not sleepin' on the fuckin' couch. If Alicia's stayin' tonight she's gonna sleep out there. I dunno if she'll even sleep.

Who the fuck cares?

God, I'm so pissed at myself, and now I'm startin' to feel sorry for myself.

Never a good thing where I'm concerned 'cause that only makes me mad, and when I get mad I do stupid things.

After I get the bed all done, I sit at my desk and check my email. Nothin' from Pam yet. And a fuck load of shit I haven't even seen yet, it's been a while, I guess.

As I'm deletin' all the junk mail my cell rings.

My heart races when I see the display. I dunno how to answer it, and I briefly think of lettin' it go to voicemail, but then I want to stop bein' a douche, not keep bein' one, so I pick it up and try for lighthearted.

"I thought I was supposed to call you tomorrow, is it tomorrow night and I've fucked that up, too?"

She laughs and I'm relieved.

"No, I just couldn't stand not talking to you, and I know what you'd be doing to yourself right now."

Now, ya see, normally I'd dirty that right up. I'd stretch out on the bed and purr into the phone somethin' that she'd blush over, somethin' about what I'm doin' to myself, but I fucked up, and I can't just smooth that over with sex talk.

"I was gettin' pretty down on myself. I'm so sorry, B. I don't know why I got drunk. Ya know?"

She doesn't say anything and lets me continue.

"It was like at first I said I was doin' it 'cause we just got that fucker, and then I started thinkin' of Ma, and the shit she used to do. For some reason seein' Alicia is pissin' me off."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"No. Because what do I say? 'The sight of you makes me wanna put my fist through your face.'?"

"That does seem a little weird."

"Not completely weird, it took me a long time to get over wantin' to end Angel every time I saw him. Even after he saved me."

"Maybe that's because you're the true slayer."

I laugh out loud, for like a minute.

"Don't laugh, Faith. It's true. I died and so maybe my senses are dulled, and your alarm is just going nuts, while mine is just faint."

I recover enough to talk into the phone without soundin' like I was bein' choked.

"Buffy, it doesn't explain why I can't control my urge to fuck things up."

"You have your own way about things, Faith. And true, you sometimes lean towards not trusting or being hostile to someone, but usually your instincts are right."

"Not about K," I whisper.

She sighs but continues right away, "She was being mind controlled, you still knew she was being a bitch for no good reason, like everyone else did."

I look around the room. The bed looks pretty good right now. I sit down and then lay back on it, pullin' the pillow down and puttin' it under my head.

"She knew she was gonna die, B, and she wasn't a pussy about it. She thought of savin' others. I don't know if I could be like that."

She blows the air out from her lungs. "You would do the same thing, exactly the same way," She gets quiet for a minute. "That's what scares me to death sometimes."

I don't say anything, 'cause she's right, and now I'm scared too. I'm scared that between now and when she has the baby that some shit comes up and I gotta save people and die in the process.

Fuck, why couldn't I just be chosen to be a window washer, or a receptionist? They seem like good things to do for a livin', ya know? I doubt a receptionist ever thinks of what the next demon that wants to end the world will be like. If they do they know someone who's a slayer.

"Me too, B." I confess. "Me too."

We're quiet for a bit and I'm not even sure what I'll say to keep the conversation goin', but hearin' her breathin' is enough for me, mainly 'cause I fucked up and thought I wouldn't be hearin' her at all until later tomorrow.

"Faith?"

"Yeah, B?"

"I asked you a question earlier and…"

I knew it. She was gonna ask if bringin' a baby into the world was a wise decision. I guess it's easier for her to do it over the phone, rather than lookin' me in the face. Still, I'm kinda surprised she's askin' this kinda question.

"And you didn't get to ask it before I assumed you were talkin' about makin' love."

"Yeah, but now I'm sorry for even thinking of the question, and if you've figured out what it was I want you to forget it."

That's my girl. I let out a huge sigh of relief. Fuck, that makes me realize that I got drunk 'cause she was havin' second thoughts of havin' my baby, even when it was already too late.

"What question?" I laugh to lighten the mood.

She laughs too. "Thanks, but if you did figure it out, I owe you and explanation and an apology."

"You don't owe me nothin', baby."

"I do, I owe you _a lot_. So shut up and let me explain."

I chuckle at her bossiness, but I don't say nothin', I let her keep talkin'.

She waits a beat to make sure I'm not gonna say anything.

"Good, what I was thinking was, this life we live, it's not exactly conventional, but for us it is. For our kids it'll be all they'll ever know."

The 'kids' is not lost on me, and I get that delicious feelin' in my stomach that makes me break out in a smile. She not only wants this kid, but she wants others. With me.

"Right." The grin is evident in my voice.

"So, we don't have to worry what tomorrow will bring, we only have to worry what it won't bring and because we're young, we don't have to worry about that at all."

I think about that for a minute and it starts to sink in.

"I getcha, baby, and I never thought of it like that." I lie, I'm just glad she feels the same way. "We're normal, in our abnormal way."

"Exactly," She smiles and I can hear it in her voice. "As far as I know we're the first slayers to be in this kind of situation because we're both slayers, but we're certainly not the first to have children, and I'm pretty sure we're not the last. And this child won't be the last for us, just so you know."

"Oh, so I don't get any say in it?" I always gotta play, even though I'm skatin' on really thin ice.

"Not if you know what's good for you."

"I know you're good for me. Does that count for anything?"

"It counts for everything."

We're quiet again, but this time it's a hopeful and relieved quiet.

"I'm sorry I made you leave."

"I'm sorry I made you stay there by yourself."

"Well, Alicia's here."

"Nope, she's here."

"What?" Huh?

I get up from the bed and peak out at the couch, she's not there.

"What'd Will do? A vamp recall?"

"Something like that."

"What, you guys are afraid I'm gonna stake her in her sleep or somethin'?"

"No! No, that's not…" She sighs a frustrated sigh. I can tell she's tryin' to figure out what she can say that I won't misinterpret. "I wanted to…if you want me to…"

I realize what she's trying to say, but havin' a hard time sayin' it.

I hang my head and stop all my bullshit and say the truest fuckin' thing I've ever said in my life, "Yes, please, I need you."

A few moments after the line goes dead, B shows up in the livin' room. I throw the phone on the table and rush over to her. I don't put my arms around her or make any sudden moves around her right away. I can see the faint mark on her cheek where she accidentally hit herself when I let go of her wrist. I tentatively reach out to stroke her cheek, she doesn't recoil but leans into my touch. Her forgiveness melts the lump I had in my throat and my tears fall freely. She gathers me in her arms and lets me get it out. We end up half sittin' half layin' on the couch for a while, just like that. Me all teary and her soothin' me.

Finally we make our way back into the bedroom, I help her get undressed and then I quickly get undressed and into the bed. It's not gonna be one of those nights, those nights where we exhaust each other with our mouths and fingers. She rolls me over so I'm not facin' her and then puts her leg in between mine, usin' me as a full body pillow. She scoots up real close and puts an arm around me, tightening it and pullin' me closer to her. I hear her faint whispers, she loves me, she needs me, and if I ever get drunk like that again, she's gonna beat me. I laugh at that last one.

Seems I'm always one fuck up away from being beaten. I'm sensin' a pattern here.

*****

"I'm so glad you had time to see me, Faith."

"I think I should be sayin' that to you, Pam."

"Please, have a seat, make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink?"

I laugh at that by lettin' the air out through my nose, but not loud enough to snort.

"What?" She asks curiously.

"Nothin'," She gives me a look that says she's not in the mood for that kinda shit. Fuck, she's scary. "I had enough to drink last night."

"Oh, really? Care to share?"

I put my arm out with the palm raised and accentuate what I'm sayin', "Not really, but that would defeat the purpose of why I got dressed and showed up in the first place."

She laughs at that.

"What's been going on in your life, Faith?"

"A whole heck of a lot since you last saw me, that's for sure."

"I heard." I give her a look and she gets that she has to explain. "I just meant that I heard that there was a lot going on with the slayers and the explosion and Buffy being pregnant. And of course your coma."

"Never a dull moment, huh?"

"Not for a slayer, or their watchers and support group, no." She looks thoughtful. "Would you rather your life were dull?"

I think about this for a while, it's a really good question.

"Not necessarily dull, but less stressful would be nice. Less coma's or accelerated pregnancies…"

"Are you ok with the pregnancy in general?"

I know she's bringin' this around to where it needs to go, but somehow I don't want it to go there just yet.

"Yeah, it was my idea."

"Well, that's a good thing, then."

"Yep." I nod and look away from her eyes.

"So why do I get the feeling you're not completely convinced of that?"

"Of what?" I play dumb.

"Faith, cut the shit."

Oops. Busted.

I sigh and bring my hands together and stare at them in my lap like they're gonna tell me what I need to say.

"Have you ever gotten the urge to make someone hurt just because you could?"

"Some of our basest emotions involve making others feel what we feel."

"That's not what I asked, although, I'm kinda happy you're not answering questions with another question. I asked if you've ever gotten the urge to make someone hurt just because you could?"

"Once or twice."

I nod, yeah, she won't get it.

"Thanks."

"So what about you? What did you gain by asking that question?"

"I want to hurt people all the time, every day. And I'm not talkin' about tyin' them up and torturin' them. It's the little things, bein' a bitch to them and makin' them hate me. I even got a bit of satisfaction out of Buffy leavin' last night."

"What happened with that?"

"I drank too much, and said some things I shouldn't've and then Buffy tried to grab my hands to lead me away, and I was bein' a complete tool, and then turned on her and asked why I had to do things when she told me to. Then I had her wrists in my grasp and Will told me to let her go, and Buffy wasn't ready for it and she hit herself in the face."

"That gave you satisfaction?"

I hang my head in my hands and the tears don't stop just because I don't want them to come.

Fuck, I'm one big fuckin' baby. I'm sobbin' for real, like hard sobs. I guess it's because I'm ashamed that seein' Buffy hit herself last night gave me some kinda sick satisfaction.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Pam gets up from her seat but doesn't come over to me, I briefly wonder if she's gonna call someone to come and get me to take me away to the holdin' tank, but she comes over to me and hands me a tissue, and the box.

"Th-thanks."

"You're welcome," She says as she takes her seat. A few more minutes go by and when my sobs have let up she starts again. "From your reaction I'm guessing that you did have some sort of satisfaction from seeing Buffy hit herself."

I nod, and some fresh tears spill out onto the 20th tissue that I've used.

"But you didn't actually keep hitting her, or saying things to hurt her, did you?"

I shake my head.

"That's good. That means you know it's wrong and are trying to control those urges."

"B-but what if one day I can't control them? What if I end up…" I get up from my seat and go over to the window. Fuck, the view is awesome from here.

"What if you end up…?"

"Beatin' her." For some fuckin' fucked up reason that sounds so comical to me that I start laughin'. Christ, she must think I'm the biggest nutcase in the world.

She lets me finish with the laughs before askin' her next question.

"Why was that funny to you?"

"Because I'd rather chew off my own arm then physically hurt her." And that's how I know I'm not completely crazy.

"You have a constant battle going on inside you about it though, don't you?"

"Yes," I suddenly feel like I need to wash my face. "Do you mind if I use the bathroom?"

"No," She points towards a door. "It's just through there."

"Thanks."

She nods.

When I get into the bathroom I look at myself in the mirror, the circles under my eyes show that I haven't slept well, I tried to mask them with make-up, but I didn't put too much on, so the darkness shows through.

I look just like my mother. My kid looks just like me.

Fuck, I remember my dream from last night.

When I go back into the room, Pam's writin' in some kinda journal but she puts it away when she sees me.

"Better?"

"Much, thanks."

"Before you went into the bathroom you were telling me you were laughing because the thought of hurting Buffy was ridiculous to you. Would you care to expand on that, or have you realized you're not actually going to beat her?"

"I think she's safe from beatin's from me. Can we talk maybe about the dream I had last night?"

"Sure, absolutely."

"Ok," I lean forward a little and let out a huge sigh. "So there's this recurrin' dream I have, my mother comes to me and tells me how much of a fuck up I am. And then she tells me how much like her I am, and that I'll never be any good."

Pam nods.

"Well, last night it was different. I saw snippets of my life, from childhood. The first one had me runnin', at first I thought it was a happy scene, ya know, like bein' chased for a game of tag. But then I saw I was cryin', and the look on my ma's face was like she was gonna murder me."

I stop for a bit, rememberin'.

"Do you remember that as a real memory too, or was it just a dream?"

I get the feelin' of terror that I had in the dream. I close my eyes and it's like I've been sucked back into time.

'Cept I'm not seein' it from my point of view, I'm seein' it from my ma's.

'_Come back here ya little fuckin' brat.'_

'_No!'_

'_Faith, ya want the fuckin' belt?! I said get back here!'_

I see my four year old self run into the livin' room and then up the steps. We're in the town house that ma managed to rent for all of three months. She got kicked out 'cause she stopped payin' the rent.

'_No! Momma, please!'_

'_Please, nothin' ya fuckin' bitch. You wait till I get you!'_

She catches up to me finally and bends down to look where I've hidden, she finds me right away. I've got my teddy bear with me, like it's gonna protect me. She reaches out and practically dislocates her shoulder to grab onto my shirt and drag me back out.

'_Where'd ya stash it, ya little fuckin' bitch?!'_ An arm raises and my younger self manages to twist away so the blow lands on the back of my head and not my face.

'_Hey! Kate!'_ Someone yells. It's a woman, my ma turns in a blind rage and the lady stands there holdin' somethin'. _'You left it in the cabinet, Faith didn't take it.'_

The point of view switches and now I do see things from my own eyes.

Ma shoves me back to the floor and I grab my bear and crawl back under the bed.

I hear ma laugh. _'She's a fuckin' nutcase, huh? Always hidin' under there with that stupid bear. Makes it easy when I gotta find her.'_

'_She seems like a good kid.'_

'_That's 'cause you don't know her like I do, she's a fuckin' pain in the ass. Can't even get child support for her.'_

'_Why don't you let your mother take her? I thought you said she offered to help?'_

'_No, my ma just wants her so that when that bastard Tommy starts payin' she'll get the money.'_

'_I doubt that.'_

'_What the fuck, you know my ma now too? You know what she's up to?'_

'_I'm just saying.'_

'_Yeah, well ya say stupid shit. Let's go smoke this.' _Ma leaves and the woman she was talkin' to briefly bends down.

'_It'll be ok, Faith. Hang in there, yeah?'_

I'm cryin' so her face is blurry, then suddenly it comes into focus.

Alicia.

"Faith, I asked if you remembered it as a real memory, or was it just a dream."

I blink my eyes and I'm back in the room with Pam.

"Did you give me somethin'?"

She looks confused, "Give you what?"

"Did you do a spell?"

"Did something happen to you just now?" She sounds alarmed.

"Yeah, it was like I was there."

"What did you see?"

"Ma chasin' me and tryin' to beat the shit outta me."

"What stopped her?"

"Alicia."

"How?"

"Ma thought I stole her drugs, that used to happen all the fuckin' time. She'd leave them, or hide them somewhere and then she'd forget. So she'd come runnin' after me with this look like she was gonna kill me and try to beat it outta me where I had hid them. I guess Alicia was this friend she had for a while, I forget what she called herself, anyway she told ma where she had left them, and then ma went to go use."

"You never took and hid them, did you?"

"No, from a very young age I realized that when she used that shit, she'd leave me alone."

"And Alicia was there, are you sure it was her?"

"You know her?"

"Yes."

"Why do I get the fuckin' feelin' that you know a lot more about me than you let on?"

She doesn't say nothin'.

"Ya know, the last time I was here you started to say somethin' then you had to stop because our time was up. You remember that?"

"Yes."

"What was it?"

She hesitates, and for the first time since I've been here her gaze falters and she looks away from me uncertain.

Conspiracy theories pop into my head, but I don't dwell on 'em.

"Quid pro quo, doctor. I tell you things, you tell me things."

She laughs at my imitation of Dr. Lecter.

Her head turns back to me and then she looks me in the eye again, she's got that confident look back.

"I knew your watcher."

"I'm guessin' you don't mean Giles, Wesley, or Mrs. Post." Although I thought Giles might have hit that at one time, I don't think they knew each other in that way.

She shakes her head slowly, "I knew Emily."

I'm kinda stunned, but not. She seems like she'd be the same age as her, and she's British.

"How well?"

"She was my best friend, we went to University together."

"I thought I might have recognized you, I think she had a picture of you."

"I was a lot different then. So carefree and a bit reckless."

"Wild child? You?" I laugh when she nods. "I can't picture it."

"Yes, I was quite the handful, I almost dropped out of Uni twice, Emily wouldn't have it though. She was my rock."

Fuck. A rock I got killed.

"And before you go beating yourself up about that, you're not the reason she died."

"I couldn't help her."

"You did what you could."

I don't think I'll ever feel that way.

"Did Emily know I had my very own Vamp protection squad?"

Again she looks away from me.

"I think you'll have to ask Alicia that."

I don't press her for any more information on that, if she says I have to talk to Alicia, then I will. There's a lot of shit I need to ask her about, the fuckin' sneak.

"You know Alicia well?"

"Yes, we've spoken on many occasions."

"And she knew Emily." I think I'm gettin' it.

She hesitates.

"Ya know, this kinda cageyness doesn't give me the warm fuzzies."

"I know you have a lot of questions, but I think there are things you want to know that would best come from Alicia."

"So, we done here?"

"That depends on you, you don't have a time limit."

"I'm special, huh?"

She smiles. "You've been through a lot, so I wanted to make sure you had enough time to get it all out."

I look at my watch. "Well, I promised B I'd take her out to lunch. We haven't really been out in a while." Plus, there's a stop I need to make before I go pick her up.

"That sounds nice."

"I hope so. She's gettin' bigger every day." I laugh. "Almost every hour. Sometimes she gets these pains, from the baby growin' so fast."

"She's a strong girl, I'm sure she's taking it well."

"Yeah, she doesn't let me know how bad it is sometimes, but I can tell. Her brow will get sweaty and she'll get fidgety."

"And you feel like you're killing her, or putting her through something that she shouldn't have to go through."

"You're pretty good for a quack."

She laughs and gives me a smug look. "I get by."

"Ok, before I go." I straighten up in my chair. "This thing that happened just a little bit ago, ya see, that's what I'm afraid of, I won't be able to control myself and I'll snap and beat someone like my ma did."

"I think your subconscious was helping you get out what you needed. I don't think it will make you do anything you don't want to do."

"I'm just thinkin' about what happened when I was in Sunnydale, after I killed Allan…"

"You believe you did that without knowing what you were doing?"

I'm ashamed to tell her the truth. I shake my head.

"I fought with myself every day to stop, but the pain I was causin' was like a drug to me. I couldn't help myself."

"So, that's what we'll work on. I think you've matured a great deal, but we'll help you get to where you can recognize why you do what you do, and eventually you won't need to do that anymore."

"How often do you think I should come?"

"Well, that's up to you, we'll work around your schedule. Give me at least a couple hours of notice, and I can fit you in on any day."

"That sounds good."

We go quiet, and I think she's waitin' for me to decide what to do.

"So, that's it, I can go?"

"If you'd like."

Seems like she'd try to get me to talk about Gee Gee, or Ken, or even my coma a little more. Guess she realizes I need to do that kinda thing at my own pace.

"Ok, then," I stand up and rub my hands on my jeans. "I'll see ya Friday?"

"Sure, what time?"

"Probably at 11. I'll call a couple of hours before to let you know if anything comes up."

"Sounds great." She gets up and sees me to the door.

"And don't worry about Alicia, she's on your side."

"How did you know I felt differently?"

"She and I still keep in contact."

"Should you be talking about me with others?"

"She's my mentor, so, yes."

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

"Mentor, huh?"

"Yes, you could learn a lot from her."

"Like Angel was for Buffy?"

"Angelus had ulterior motives, we were shocked to see that he fell in love with the slayer."

"It's hard not to fall in love with her, don't blame him for that." I laugh. It's true, everyone who's come in contact with her has fallen in love with her at one time or another. And don't think the people that are openly hostile to her aren't secretly wishin' she was theirs.

Sometimes I think I need to watch my back better. But then I remember I have Alicia.

"Take care, Pam."

"You're going to be fine, Faith. Just believe in yourself."

"Thanks."

*****

"Hey, beautiful! You want a ride?" I just pulled the car over to the curb and this gorgeous blonde is standin' there.

"No thanks, I'm waiting for somebody."

"Yeah? Well I hope they appreciate you."

"Not really, she was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago."

I pull my shades down, "You've got the nerve to lecture me on punctuality?" She smiles.

I hop out of the car and open the passenger door.

"I only used to make Giles wait, not you." She gets in and I bend down and give her a huge smile.

"Yeah, well, I had to go sign the papers for this car."

"What about your old car? Which wasn't really that old." She mutters that last part.

"But, B. This one has a sun roof." I shut the door and go around to the other side.

"It _is_ pretty nice." She looks around the inside as I get back in the driver's seat.

"And the safety rating on it's really good. I'm just thinkin' of the future."

"That's wonderful." She leans over to me and plants a sweet kiss on my cheek. I turn slightly and we kiss for a few moments.

"No, THAT's wonderful." Shit, I don't know how it's possible to love someone so much more each day.

"You're telling me." She leans back in for another couple of mind blowin' kisses.

"Damn, we better stop. We'll never make it to lunch."

"Who needs to eat?" She clutches her stomach. "Oh, god!"

"Is this it?!" My voice goes up as I start to panic.

"No, the baby must have heard me about eating, she just kicked harder than ever."

I pat Buffy's stomach before I lean down to kiss it. "Yep, that's my girl."

"I can just imagine our food bill."

"I'll work overtime."

"No, you won't." She takes her sunglasses out of her hair and puts them on. "You promised no day lighting until after the baby is three."

"But Buffy, don't you think if I get some odd job as a demon bounty hunter type thing we can put that money aside for the baby's college?"

"You think she's not gonna have enough money from what we already have saved?"

"Well, I was thinkin' she could come with me on the missions, too. Ya know, learn a few things."

"You're really cruising for a bruising, aren't you?"

I pull back in the seat and look at her like she's seriously wounded me.

"I'm hurt by that, B." "You don't wanna take her on missions?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Umm, I thought that's why I was in therapy?" I pull the car out of the space slowly and we drive off to the restaurant.

"Faith," She puts her hand on my arm.

"What?"

"Don't say things like that. You're not crazy."

"I'm just kiddin', B."

"Yeah, but sometimes you're serious when you kid."

"Back to the thing about takin' the baby on missions…"

"You're not serious about that?!"

"Jesus Christ, Buffy, you don't remember D.C.? How about Boston? And she was with you when you killed Parker."

"But, but."

"But nothin', B. You can't see her strapped in one of those things on your back while we're on patrol?"

"With a little stake in her hand?" B says with a smile on her face.

"Exactly!" We laugh at the thought of a little mini-me with a frown on her face and holy water in one chubby hand and a mini stake in the other.

God, we're so fuckin' normal.


	43. What Really Matters

Chapter 43- What Really Matters

Me and Buffy have been back in the old apartment for about four weeks now. With Buffy gettin' bigger by the minute we decided we wouldn't live in the safe house until after the baby was born, since she'd have to go up and down a bunch of stairs. I really made the decision one day when she was comin' down the steps and she almost pulled a Scarlett O'Hara, 'cause she was kinda sleepy and one of the top steps, for some unknown fuckin' reason, is higher than the others. Every time Xand goes down 'em, he forgets to compensate for that and ends up Frankenstein walkin' for a few steps and then yells out, "Watch that foist step, it's a doozy!" in his best Bugs Bunny.

Right now, we're just chillin' in the apartment together, we got back a little bit ago from an early dinner. It's that part of the early evenin' where the light is a little fainter, almost like it's fake. I always used to want to cry when the day would look like this, 'cause I knew that meant I had to go in to my shithole of a place, and Ma's first order of the evenin' would be to bug me to go bum smokes from the deadbeat neighbors.

It's different now though, I love this part of the day. It's kinda lazy, and not as bright and really starts the windin' down period of the day. Especially since now we're not patrollin', Giles forbid it. I mean, I figured Buffy couldn't go, but he banned me too and told everyone to notify him the moment I went out with an 'intent to slay'. She and I compensate by walkin' every- fuckin'-where, to help with the jitters and satisfy at least a little bit of our need to hunt. 'Cept no vamps ever cross our paths, 'cause we've got a detail followin' us, and they get to 'em before we have a chance to feel even one hair stand on the backs of our necks. They think I don't know they're there, but I'm a pretty good fuckin' tracker, and I hear their heavy boots on the pavement. They wouldn't make good ninjas that shit's for sure.

Tonight, like most nights, we went for a bit of a walk after we got out of the restaurant, but then I saw the look on Buffy's face and made her sit on a bench, so I could go get the car. She was gettin' those pains again, the ones that make her sweat. We've got to get in to see the doc tomorrow. Since he knows the score now and has been workin' for us, he can monitor her more closely and tell us just what's goin' on. We're probably gonna have to go every day now.

Who knows, the next time I wake up, the baby could be next to me in the bed. Shit, there's a scary thought.

One of the things we haven't done yet is really, seriously think of a name. It's such a huge task, I mean, we don't wanna slight anyone, or give her a name that she'll hate.

Like Faith.

Can't tell you the countless times people have used that stupid joke, or sung that stupid song. Buffy loves it though, in fact she's playin' it right now.

You know the one.

"_Oh well I guess it would be nice…"_

The fact that she's plays it and thinks of me makes me smile, but like I said, it's not my favorite song. Especially not from George Michael.

I like that song of his called Prayin' for Time. When I was younger, I stole ma's tape. Well, I didn't steal it, she was all excited to buy it and then it wasn't like his last album, so she pulled it out of the player and chucked it sayin' he was a 'fuckin' faggot'. I was ten or eleven then and I didn't know what to think. She used to rag on the gays and lesbians, like they were lepers. Sometimes I agreed with her, 'cause I didn't know any better. But then Aunt Dee would tell me about Uncle Joe, and she spoke about what a good guy he was, in fact all of my family did and they never hid the fact that he was gay.

When the stories would get sad as they most often did, Gee Gee couldn't bear it, her eyes would go misty and she'd get up and go do dishes, silently cryin' for her lost boy. Then the others would say a joke he used to tell or a funny story about him, and laugh like nuts. Gee Gee included.

They'd tell about the dreams he had for his future. He wanted to be on Broadway, he wanted to write musicals and poetry and live in New York. Gee Gee and Pops supported him, in whatever he wanted to do. Then, like most kids that live in and around Boston, he got into drugs, and it killed him.

When ma used to talk about him she'd have tears in her eyes, and her voice would be so sad. He was her fraternal twin and she loved him deep down, but she would try to convince herself that she hated him. I guess 'cause she'd remember he was gay; her voice would grow hard and venomous and she would say things like, "The fags killed him, don't ever forget that, Faith. I catch you bein' gay and you're gonna regret it."

How about the fact that she made me regret bein' her kid? She never thought about that, did she?

I look over at Buffy who's stretchin' her arms and legs; a pang of love blooms in my heart. And then I feel guilty. Guilty for ever thinkin' I hated her, and guilty for not lettin' the love I felt for her come out in a good way back in Sunnydale. I let it blossom into hatred, betrayal and destruction. 'Cause I was ashamed.

The song I like starts playin', she knows I like it, and she looks at me and smiles.

_These are the days of the open hand_

_They will not be the last_

_Look around now_

_These are the days of the beggars and the choosers_

_This is the year of the hungry man_

_Whose place is in the past_

_Hand in hand with ignorance and legitimate excuses_

_The rich declare themselves poor_

_And most of us are not sure if we have too much_

_But we'll take our chances _

'_Cause God stopped keeping score_

I hold my hand out and Buffy walks over to stand in front of me. She takes my hand and I pat my lap. She's lookin' at me like I'm all crazy. I give her a questionin' look and she gestures around her belly, like it's too big for her to sit on me.

When the fuck is she gonna understand that I'm a slayer too and she's not gonna break my leg? She'd have to be sittin' in the car and park it on my leg to hurt me.

I laugh like she's a nut and pull her to me and then make her sit, I shift her so we're comfortable. All the while Georgie Boy is beltin' out his lyrics.

_I guess somewhere along the way_

_He must've let us all out to play_

_Turned His back and all God's children_

_Crept out the backdoor_

_And it's hard to love_

_There's so much to hate_

_Hanging on to hope_

_When there is no hope to speak of_

_And the wounded skies above_

_Say it's much too much too late_

_Well maybe we should all be praying for time_

Buffy leans down and kisses the top of my head. I let out the breath I apparently was holdin' and bring her hand to my lips for a kiss.

She can tell that I'm thinkin' of my past 'cause she knows about me and this song. She whispers that we'll make the future ours, no need to worry about what's been before. She'll be there and we'll work it out together.

I pull back and she's got tears in her eyes. I just keep lookin' into 'em, seein' the truth there. And maybe a bit of the future. I bury my face in her neck and hide a little. Like I used to into my pillow when it would get too much for me to handle back in Southie.

_These are the days of the empty hand_

_Oh you hold on to what you can_

_And charity is a coat you wear, twice a year_

_This is the year of the guilty man_

_Your television takes a stand_

_And you find that what was over there, is over here_

_So you scream from behind your door_

_Say what's mine is mine and not yours_

_I may have too much but I'll take my chances_

'_Cause God stopped keeping score_

_And you cling to the things they sold you_

_Did you cover your eyes when they told you?_

_That he can't come back_

'_Cause he has no children to come back to_

I used to think of my Uncle Joe all the time when I heard that line. I figured since he was gay and couldn't have children that God killed him. 'Cause that's what Ma would tell me. "The gays die 'cause they can't have kids, and God sees to it that anyone that can't have kids has to go."

Yeah, well fuck her. I rub Buffy's stomach.

_It's so hard to love_

_There's so much to hate_

_Hanging on to hope_

_When there is no hope to speak of_

_And the wounded skies above_

_Say it's much too late_

_So maybe we should all be praying for time_

I press stop on the remote and we're quiet for a while. I take comfort in Buffy's nearness, and the fact that Ma was so fuckin' wrong. My kid's never gonna grow up hatin' anything, 'cept maybe unsouled vamps and demons that try to destroy the world and/or fuck with my family.

Buffy breaks the silence.

"How about Hope?"

"Huh?"

"Hope, for a name."

Oh fuck no!

I don't know how to respond to that other than the way I just did in my head.

"Uhhhh," I say instead.

"You can say 'no', Faith. And I was kidding."

"Yeah but sometimes your kidding has some seriousness to it." I tell her what she tells me all the time.

She swats my leg, and manages to hit herself in the process. "You brute, look what you made me do to myself. Again."

"Hey, Blondie, that was all you this time. Your violent ways are comin' back to bite you in the ass."

She laughs and leans back more into me. I put my arms around her tighter.

"I think we should give her a name that's not somethin' for anyone else but her. Ya know?" I say.

"You mean like not naming her for my mother, or your grandmother or something meaningful in our past?"

"Exactly." I nod, lookin' around the room to spark some inspiration. "How about 'lightbulb'?"

"Why not, 'shoe'?"

"Shoe, get over here! Don't make me take my you off!" I say, tryin' it out.

Buffy giggles.

"Ooh, B, I got a perfect one!"

"Oh God, I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Grimace."

"From the McDonald's people?"

"Yep! We can deck her out in purple, and build her room like McDonald land." I say like I'm inspired.

"I've always been partial to Burger King." Buffy says with a smirk evident on her face by what I can hear in her voice.

After we spend a good fifteen minutes comin' up with the craziest names, B laughs so hard she almost pees herself 'cause I suggest we name her 'The First', ya know, bein' our first kid and all. She gets up from my lap and rushes to the bathroom.

She snorts from on the toilet, when I say we could call her poos 'the big bads'. Like, 'Hey, B. I just changed her, it's your turn to take care of the next big bad.'

The phone rings. I get up and check the caller id. It's Will.

"Hey, Will. How'd it go?" I say with concern in my voice.

"Bad, Faith. It went pretty bad. Her mom passed out and…" Her voice falters. "Her dad…" it takes her a moment or two to get the next part out. "Her dad…I've never seen a grown man cry like that." She's cryin' now and it makes me tear up. She went with Ken's parents to consecrate her remains, that were dug out of the academy finally, on top of one of Brazil's highest mountains. Will and Ken's sister had also done somethin' similar in the rainforest. Ken loved those places.

All the Slayers and watchers and everyone had our own memorial service in St. Patricks's Cathedral in NYC. It was beautiful. She woulda loved it. But she woulda kicked our asses for it, 'cause she always said she'd never want anything big. We figured since she and Will never got to get married, we should have somethin' to send her off in a big way.

"You wanna come over?"

"I'd love to. Are you sure?

"Positive. Bring your stuff, you can stay over if you're up to it."

"I'd love that. Thanks."

"Then you can go to the doc's with us tomorrow. That is if you can."

"Sure I can. I'll be right there."

"And Will?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there with ya, ya know to say goodbye."

"I know, but you kinda were. I kept thinkin' about what you told me about her that one night after it happened. How she would want me to be there to be strong for her family. How she loved being a slayer, knew the consequences of it, and accepted it. And how her parents would be grateful to know she died doing what she loved."

"She loved _you_, Will. Hurry over."

*****

I tell B that Will's on her way over and she asks me to make up the guest room. Last time Will stayed with us in the bed, but she says to do it just in case she wants some space.

I should have asked Will where Satsu was, as a matter of fact I haven't heard from her since that day she went back with Will to our makeshift HQ. Hopefully, she didn't do somethin' stupid like make a move on Will when she was vulnerable. But I think I know Satsu better than that, she wouldn't do any crazy shit like that. She better not have anyway.

I see Buffy's face and she looks like she's in pain.

"You ok, B?"

"Little indigestion," She says rubbin' her chest. "Must be that salad, I shouldn't have had the hot peppers in it."

"Oh, Christ, Buffy!" I scoff and make my way into the bathroom. "I thought you told them not to put 'em in?"

"Yeah, but then they brought it with them in there and I didn't want to be difficult."

"Buffy, the baby gets everything you're takin' in. You can't eat hot shit like that anymore." I start gettin' out my toothbrush.

"I didn't think, god, I'm sorry. Faith!"

"S'ok, B, don't get mad I'm just sayin', you have to be more careful."

"No, Faith, get in here!"

Oh, shit, I know that panicked voice, I know what it means. For a fleetin' second I think she's gonna be standin' there with the kid wrapped in swaddlin' clothes 'cause that's how fuckin' quick this pregnancy seems to be movin'. This blows Robin's mom's pregnancy outta the water for quickness. I guess that's because it's super slayer baby.

I sigh relieved when I get in the room and see that it's just her water that broke.

"Ok, B. Breathe, no need to get all panicky." I step over the mess on the floor and she's clutchin' at the bed spread. It looks like she doesn't know whether to sit or stand.

"Don't get panicky?! Holy mother of fucking god, that hurts!"

"I didn't know you were a prayin' woman, baby." I chuckle and she shoots me daggers.

"I'm not ready…we don't have a name…I thought this was slowing down!"

"You looked 8 months about a week ago, so I'm thinkin' it's done, all cooked and everything." I get behind her and hold on, makin' her lean fully on me.

"I think you might have to kill me, Faith. If this is what the contractions start as, I don't want to know how bad they're actually gonna get."

Somethin' dawns on me and I reach under her dress and tell her to brace herself.

"What-what're you doin'?"

"You'll feel a little bit of pressure, but relax." She leans on my back as I bend down slightly. "Fuck."

"I'd make an innuendo, or smart comment but…FUCK!" She yells that last part out.

Butt fuck. I wanna giggle at that, but FUCK! She's almost all the way dialated.

"Don't panic, B, but Junior ain't waitin' for us to call the doc."

"What?"

"I'm callin' Will."

"Will's here, what's up?" Willow says from the door to the room. "Buffy, you're not." She looks at the floor. "Faith, she's not!"

"Hold it together, Will. She's havin' the baby, like now. Can you get a doc here, _like now_?"

"What about the doctor you saw in NJ the other day?"

"If you teleported him here he'd spend a half an hour yarkin', we don't have that kinda time!"

"Ok, let me see…"

Buffy cries out.

"B, lay on the bed, can you lay on the bed?"

She's breathin' real heavy and the sweat is just pourin' off of her brow. I realize I'm gonna have to help her. "Will, sheets, get new sheets!"

"Faith, I'm not deaf, and neither is Willow, now calm down." Buffy says annoyed.

Yeah, wait till another contraction hits and we'll see how calm she is. No sooner do I think that then she's screamin' in my ear.

And now I'm deaf.

Fuck, I've never heard anything so gut wrenchin' in my life. Not even when Kakistos…Fuck thinkin' of that at a time like this. I hold Buffy upright as best I can with one arm as I pull all the bed shit off with the other. Will's rushin' in with the new sheets.

She starts to make the bed when she remembers who she is and snaps her finger and the bed is made. She even conjured up extra pillows.

"Thanks, Red, but you didn't have to do hospital corners, do you mind turnin' the bed down so I can get her in it?"

"Sorry, I'm nervous, and when I'm nervous I over achieve. There was this one time…"

"Gotcha, now how about the doc?" If I didn't just cut her off she woulda over-explained, too.

"Faith!! I think I can feel something!!!" Buffy yells as I get her on the bed.

"Buffy! Don't push!!"

"I'm trying not to but I can't help it!!"

"Red, the doctor!!!"

I hear a knock at the window. Fuck, what now?!

"It's Alicia," Will says lookin' over. "Has she been standing out there all day?"

"Is she burnt to a crisp?"

"No, she's got a concerned look on her face."

"Will, would you go open the window!" Christ did she hit her head? How am I the sane one here?

"Is she fully dilated?" Alicia says as she comes in the room.

"Yeah, I think. Can you help us?"

"I'll try." She says as she rushes into the bathroom and then comes out with obviously washed hands and arms. Shit, I should go do that, too.

When I come back out, B's screamin' her head off for me, and I rush over to her side. Alicia's put a couple of the pillows so Buffy's legs are slightly propped up. Will's sneakin' a peek between her legs, and before I even have a chance to make a snarky comment about her checkin' out her best friend's cooch, her eyes go wide and Buffy screams loud again.

I hold both her hands as tight as I can and let her squeeze on me.

"One more big push and the head will be out."

I suddenly feel like I might be sick. Oh, that would fuckin' suck, dude!

I breathe in through my nose and let it out slowly through my mouth in an effort to calm my stomach.

"Willow, please, get a basin and heat some water."

"You gonna boil macaroni?" I ask makin' a really lame joke.

Alicia doesn't even smirk, "We'll need to clean your baby off in a second." She looks at Buffy. "One more big push, Buffy, you're doing so well. Can you give me another…"

Buffy's face goes almost purple and then the next moment I hear cryin'. That sounds fuckin' wonderful!

Fuck, she did it! I kiss her sweaty brow over and over and she's lettin' out a huge sigh and a few relieved and happy tears.

Will runs in with the basin of water, and almost drops it when she sees the baby in Alicia's arms. She puts the basin down on the bed and says a few words and a pair of surgical scissors appear in her hands. She holds them out to me and nods.

"Me?"

"No, the wall."

"Ok, ok, Red. No need to be a smart ass."

"Faith, not in front of the baby." Buffy says weakly. Heh. She just had a kid in record time and she's fuckin' exhausted but she still manages to scold me. "Does she have hair?"

"Yep, and arms and legs and fingers and toes, but she's kinda gooey right now," I say as I take the scissors from Will. Alicia's holdin' the baby towards me and has her hand on the cord.

"Right there between my two fingers. Can you cut steady?"

"You don't want that finger, do ya?" I kid as I hold the scissors steady and make the cut.

Will says a few things in Latin and all the stuff Alicia needs to tend to the baby and Buffy appear on a hospital cart.

As soon as the baby's cleaned up and her cord is tied off, Alicia hands her over to me.

I stare in disbelief as this perfect little person is cryin' in my arms. In a daze I walk over to the side of the bed and Buffy opens her eyes, well, her eye. The other seems like it's permanently shut. It might have been fast, but it took a hell of a lot out of her.

"There she is baby, there's your momma. See? She's blonde and tiny, two things you'll never be, huh? 'Cept for right now, that is." Her hair's not exactly blond, but it's not real dark either. More like an auburn.

I smirk and Buffy lets out a weak laugh, "Always gotta crack on momma's size."

"She's perfect." I whisper.

"Me or her?" Buffy asks.

"Yep." I smile and place the baby on Buffy's chest, slidin' in next to her. "You did it, baby."

"I can't believe it." She cries again lookin' into the baby's face. I kiss the side of her head and then look at the baby who's lookin' at me.

Sweet Jesus, she's got Buffy's eyes. Oh, man, this kid is so gonna have me wrapped around her finger it's not even gonna be funny.

Willow and Alicia are pullin' the bloody stuff from the bed, and thankfully Will's makin' it disappear.

After everything's all clean and tidy Alicia and Will come to stand at the foot of the bed. They're both smilin' through happy tears.

"Have you thought of a name?"

"Buffaithy," I say.

Will goes over to Buffy's other side and leans down to look into the baby's face.

"Given what she looks like I'd say that was an excellent name. Just perfect."

"I know right." Buffy says.

"Can you conjure up one of those baby cap things for her head?" I look at Will and she snaps her fingers and hands it over to me. I place it on the baby's head.

"I guess we should get a doctor here now to check momma and baby out, huh?" Will says.

"That sounds like a good idea." It dawns on me that none of our family knows. "I'll go make all the calls."

Before I go out into the other room I walk over to Alicia, she's lookin' kinda nervous. I guess Pam musta told her I know about her bein' in Southie as my ma's 'friend'.

I look at her for a few moments, then wrap her in a huge hug. She lets out a relieved sigh.

"You're always there for me, huh?" I whisper into her ear.

"I try to be." She whispers back.

"Well you're doin' a fuckin' good job so far." I give her a kiss on her cheek and she tightens her arms around me.

"You've done a great job yourself."

"Speakin' of jobs, where'd you learn how to do that?"

"Back in Sicily with Giulia, she'd help the local farmer with his goats, and I'd help her. One time I helped deliver an elk calf. That was 'pretty sweet' as you kids would say."

I pull back from the hug and smirk at her. She's about to say somethin' when I cut her off.

"So, I guess when I was at the Cape and would look down and see only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that you carried me?"

She looks puzzled for a second and then laughs louder than I've ever heard her laugh. Will and Buffy look over to see this usually reserved person practically doubled over with laughter.

"My work here is done," I wink at Will and Buffy and go out into the other room. They laugh and the baby starts protestin', she's probably hungry.

I call Dawnie and Giles, and my Aunt. I get them to call everyone else. I text Xand to stop watchin' Star Wars with Andy and come right over. I call him 'Uncle Xand'. He texts back "NO WAY!" and I text, "WAY!". And then I can only imagine the shit he trips on while tryin' to get himself over here.

Will's busy teleportin' people in that can handle it. Don't need a bunch of people throwin' up all over the place. She's gotta try to modify the spell so it doesn't do that. It can be pretty debilitatin' to someone that's not used to it.

After makin' a few calls, I run down to the little store near our apartment for some supplies that we'll need.

Vinnie's so happy to see me and to hear that me and Buffy are back together again (the last time he saw us was when we were 'breakin' up', before the whole D.C. trip and glamour shit) he can't control his joy. I tell him that Buffy just gave birth to a healthy baby girl and he gives me half the stuff for free. I start to argue with him and he won't hear of it. He even offers to help me carry the stuff over.

He goes and tells his helper he's gonna be gone for a bit, and when he comes back he's all lookin' cleaned up. For an older guy he's not so bad lookin'. I wonder who I can set him up with, but out of all the women I know, either they're taken or gay.

Maybe Giles would like to go out on a date with him.

What? It was just a joke!

*****

We get back with the stuff and half of NY and most of Boston is in our apartment. Aunt Dee rushes over to me and helps me put the stuff I have in my hands down, then crushes the life outta me in a hug.

Vinnie's introducin' himself as the local grocer, he cracks me up.

"She's so beautiful, Faith!" Aunt Dee's cryin' as Uncle Jim comes to pry her off of me.

"Let the girl breathe, Dee Dee." Then he gives me a hug and tells me I made a good one. I laugh at that, he's a nut.

Dawn's next to come and crush the life outta me. She squeals and jumps up and down, and if I weren't built like a tank she'd have picked me up and twirled me around.

"I can't believe she's here! And she's so perfect, Faith!"

"Thanks, D. She's great isn't she?" We hug and I pick her up and twirl her a bit so she gets her fill. "What's Buffy doin'?" I ask when we stop.

"Recovering. The doctor and a couple assistants are in there looking over both of them, weighing the baby and stuff. OH MY GOD!!! I'm SO HAPPY!!" She hugs me again.

"Hey, slick. You got any cigars?" Xand winks at me.

"You think I'm a slacker?" I point to the boxes of stuff me and Vinnie brought up. Xand goes over, gets out the cigars and starts handin' 'em out. "Just don't light up in here, or Buffy'll get up outta that bed and kick your ass and I won't stop her."

He comes over to me and puts a cigar in my pocket. "Good job, _Daddy_." He winks at me and I laugh.

"I didn't do nothin', it was all, B." I suddenly realize I haven't seen her and the baby in about twenty minutes and I get anxious to get back in there, but I notice someone's missin'. "Hey, where's Giles?"

"He's in there with Buffy, making sure everything's copacetic."

"Watcher's watchin', huh?"

"Yep, everything's right with the world."

He said it.

*****

I go in the room and Giles gets up outta the chair he was in.

"Faith, you and Buffy have made me very proud, very proud."

"Thanks, G-man." I step into his arms and accept the hug he's offerin'.

"Now, what was this about you letting Buffy take on Parker?"

"Giles!" Buffy scolds him.

"You think I can tell her what to do when she's got her mind set?"

"Well, I…"

"Could you?"

"Well…" He hangs his head a little and I quirk an eyebrow waitin' for what he's got to say. "No."

"Exactly, don't give me poopy," I censor myself. "I've gotta go see my baby and our baby." I nod at the bed.

"Well…"

"Giles, please, go have a cigar and make yourself comfortable, huh?" I wink at him and pat him on the back. "Grandpa."

He smiles at that and looks over at Buffy who smiles and nods. I know how to get him. Heh.

The doctor tells me that everything's fine with Buffy and the baby and I thank him for coming and he and his assistants go with Giles into the other room.

"So, B. What's the what?"

"What?"

"Her stats." I say as I sit on the bed and take her from Buffy's arms.

"7 pounds 13 ozs and 19 inches long."

"And beautiful, just like you."

"Awww," She leans over and gives me a kiss. "You're just trying to distract me from the fact that I almost just died."

That scares the shit outta me. "You did?!"

"No, but it felt like it."

"Damn, B, don't kid like that."

The baby's fussin' and she latches on to my finger as I stroke her lips.

"Oops, someone's hungry." I wink at Buffy.

"You? You're always hungry."

"Open that gown, baby, us girls need to eat." I get up and let Buffy get ready to feed her. "Right little girl? Right?" I coo at her and she opens her eyes and lets out a loud cry. "I think that means 'right'."

I sit back on the bed and help get the baby into position. She looks like she's not gonna open her mouth for the nipple, then Buffy rubs her bottom lip and she opens up and latches on.

"Wow, that's somethin', huh?" I'm blown away by the simplicity of it all.

"I still can't believe she's here." Buffy says with awe in her voice.

"Me neither, B, me neither." I sigh and then look at her. "How're you doin'?"

"A lot better, I got a second wind while you were gone."

I lean in and give her a grateful kiss. "Thanks, baby." I say when we break for air. The baby's got her hand around my forefinger. She's squeezin' it while she's eatin'. "God, she's a good eater, huh?"

"Yep, this is her second helping."

"Greedy little piggy." I say to the baby. Then a thought comes to me. "Hey, B, I just thought of a name."

"If you say Miss Gordo, I'm gonna kick your ass."

I gasp shocked, "Buffy, language!" I scold her, then wink. "How about 'Mia'?"

She looks at me for a few moments, stunned, then looks at the baby.

"Faith, that's perfect." Buffy says excitedly. The baby's lunch gets interrupted and she fusses at Buffy a little. "Oh, god, she just gave me her first eye roll."

"She's grounded." I say in my first directive as a parent. "No goin' out until she's a week."

Buffy laughs as Mia latches on again and gets comfortable.

I lay back on the bed, propped up by the pillows and Buffy lays back against me while the baby's happily gruntin' at her meal. I can hear our family and friends in the other room partyin' and havin' a good time, in honor of our little Mia. Buffy squeezes my hand and tells me she loves me and she's so happy.

I realize out of all the shit that's gone on lately and in my past that nothing else matters.

This right here and now, is really all that matters.


	44. Epilogue: Comin' Full Circle

Chapter 44- Epilogue- Comin' Full Circle

Author's notes 1/5/10: Wow, it's been almost two years since I posted the prologue to this story. When I wrote and posted "Cupid Can Kiss My Ass" over on another website, I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd still be doing it two years later and have so much fun continuing to write and post stories. Mainly it's because of the feedback and the connection through feedback that I've made through these stories that keep me inspired to write. I'll always cherish and forever be humbled by your kind words. I apologize, I never meant to drag the posting of this story out so long, I guess it's life and this site not being my "main" site, that I kinda forgot to keep updating over here. I thank the people who kept leaving feedback requesting me to finish the story for making me get off my lazy ass and just do it. To you this is dedicated. This last chapter is also dedicated to my fake (but kinda real) dawter Krista, this site and this story brought us together, I'll always be indebted to them, and to you for making me smile on an almost daily basis. The other times you usually make me cry, but whatevs. Oops, did I spoil another moment? ;) Don't worry, Mama labshu. ---- Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you enjoy this last chapter immensely! I have a holiday themed follow up that I'll probably start posting soon. :D

////

Uh, oh. I'm in trouble I think. What's new?

I'm wakin' up to an overactive three year old pouncin' on my back and a pissed off Buffy glarin' at me.

"Faith, get up!"

"Get up, Poppy! Poppy, get up!" Mia's bouncin' each time she says 'get up', like she needs to accentuate those words with poundin' her ass on my back.

I groan.

"Faith, you said you'd go with us to the park, and we have to go in the next hour. I've got people coming later so we need to get a move on!"

"Unnnhh." I say in protest.

"Momma, count!"

Oh shit, not the counting! Little Mia's gonna get it from me. She's tellin' Buffy to count to ten.

"Do I need to count to ten, Faith?" Christ she's got such a mom voice, makes me shake in my shoes sometimes. Don't tell anyone I said that though. Still haven't lost my edge.

"Horsey up, Horsey. I wanna ride!" Mia's still bouncin' on my back and makin' me look like a fool, 'cause now you know that I haven't been able to maintain my edge like I used to.

"Ok, I'm up. Poppy's up." Mia gets off my back and slides down off the bed.

Yeah, you heard it. Poppy.

That was Buffy and Dawn's little joke that started the day Mia was born, and then it sorta stuck. Giles even slipped and called me it one time, then blushed like five shades of red and gave me a very British apology.

Doesn't stop Xand from callin' me 'Pops' though. Fucker. I'll get him, don't you worry. Can't do anything right now, though; kinda need him for this current mission, and future missions, I guess.

"Mia, go get your stuff ready in your bag, have Auntie Dawn help you, ok sweety?" Buffy waits until she's outta the room to turn her glare back to me. "You're really up or do I have to drag you out?"

I had started to sink into the pillow again, but at her threat I flip onto my back.

"Buffy…" I groan.

"Faith, no. You wanted to go on this mission, I told you it would take a lot out of you and still you insisted."

"But Beeeeee…" I whine.

"No 'but B's', we talked about this over and over. I told you I would need your help more now that 'The second's' on its way, and said maybe now wasn't the time to take on extra work, but you insisted and you promised it wouldn't affect making time for us."

I stretch out and I can feel my T-shirt ride up and bare my stomach, in all its tanned, smooth, hint of muscled glory. I sneak a peek of Buffy who's sneakin' a peek at it.

When she sees me catch her lookin' she laughs.

"That's not gonna lure me back into bed." She sticks out her tongue. "You'll have to save it for later." The smile she gives is a promisin' one.

Knowin' I'm not gonna get what I want, and knowin' that I really shouldn't, 'cause I made a promise, I mentally slap my ass and get into gear; stretchin' out for real this time. I hear all the bones that need it, crack and pop. I sit up on the edge of the bed and let out a relieved sigh.

Buffy comes closer to me and puts her arms around my shoulders.

"I know it's an important mission, Faith. That's why I didn't give you more crap about going. But you shouldn't have told Mia you'd come with us to the park if this was harder than you thought it would be."

I tighten my arms around her growin' waist and hug her to me, listenin' to the noises her belly's makin'.

"Nah, it's a piece of cake, don't worry about a thing, babe."

"A piece of cake, huh? That's not what Andrew says."

"Yeah? Well Andrew's a fuckin' liar." I say, gettin' a little pissed that he would be givin' Buffy the updates I told him not to give. "He talks shit up all the time. He loves playin' it for the drama."

"Faith, why do you treat me like I'm stupid? Like I'm not a slayer? Like I don't know that things can turn out to be tougher than you thought?"

Oh shit, tread lightly here Lehane or your ass'll get handed to you. Per usual.

"I didn't want to worry you." I mumble into her stomach.

She lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Buffy, please, I'm handlin' it. We're winnin'. Doin' what needs to get done. And I'm comin' home every night like I promised."

"And I appreciate that. But you don't have to kill yourself doing it."

"I'm gonna keep my word, and that's that."

"Well then don't get upset if you have to do things that you want to get out of. I don't want to hear the whining. You make me feel like it's a chore for you to go out with us."

Oh fuck that! That's the last thing I ever want her or Mia to feel.

"No, Buffy, I was just bein' a little lazy. I'm up and I'll be ready in fifteen minutes."

"You've got twenty." She starts to break away from me so she can leave and then stops and looks at me. "I appreciate what you're doing, honey and I'm sorry I had to go all 'Mom' on you."

"You can go 'Mom' on me anytime, baby. Apparently, I still need it. Especially the spankin's." I look up and wink at her and she gives me a big smile and a laugh. Then she closes the gap between us and plants a sweet kiss on me. It turns heavy for a few minutes and she finally manages to break away from the kiss.

"We can't Faith, not now." She's breathin' heavy and my eyes are tryin' their best to focus. "Leah and Kara should be here with Joey soon."

My brain finally kicks into gear.

"Oooh, they're comin' with us?"

"Yep, they don't have afternoon classes so they decided to spend the day. Is that ok?"

"Wonderful," I rub her belly. "The more the merrier."

She smiles at me. "I'm so glad you think so."

"I'd be stupid not to." I give her a big smile, makin' sure to give her the dimples she loves to see.

It looks like she's in a daze for a second and then snaps out of it, her willpower is somethin' to be marveled. "Ok, then, let's get going." She steps completely away and leaves the room.

I go off to the shower and smile as I hear Mia fightin' with Dawnie 'cause she wants to bring all her toys to the park and Dawn says she can't.

She's such a good girl, though, she takes disappointment really well. Buffy's always tellin' me I need to take after Mia more. There was even this one day where I got all shitty 'cause I wanted somethin' and Buffy wouldn't let me get it. The truth is, I really didn't need it, and come to think of it I don't even remember what it was. We were out at the mall shoppin' and I got all moody after she told me no, so I went out to sit on the bench and Mia came with me. She sat next to me, studyin' me for a while and then kissed the side of my head and said, "Be a good girl Mommy, you'll see, Momma will get it for your birthday."

I laughed and pulled her to me, kissin' her and bouncin' her on my knee. Her laugh and presence makes all my worries and moodiness go away. A lot like what Buffy does for me. She's a really sweet girl, always givin' kisses and wantin' raspberries on her stomach. Just like Buffy too, come to think of it. Heh.

Fifteen minutes later and we're all ready to go to the park. I took a super quick shower and didn't shampoo, 'cause I had taken a shower before fallin' into bed the night before. Well, the mornin' actually, 'cause I got in at like 3am.

We're loungin' on our huge picnic blanket and Joey's runnin' around with the dog Leah and Kara got for him. Mia's tryin' to keep up with them.

Off in the distance I see someone who looks like Red, drag someone who looks a lot like Satsu across the field. As they get closer, I see exactly who they are: A very pregnant Willow, and a very tired and cranky lookin' Satsu.

"Hey, Will. Who's the angry boy you brought with you?" I ask with a laugh.

Satsu glares at me and I know if Mia wasn't runnin' up to them right now, she would have told me to go fuck myself or at least have given me the finger.

"I got like three hours sleep, Faith."

"Like I got any more?"

Buffy pats my leg, "Don't start the fights."

"Don't worry, B. We're not gonna fight," I lower my voice and mumble. "Not here anyway."

Buffy pulls my head around to hers, "Don't be cute."

"That's like askin' the sun not to set, baby. I'm always gonna be cute."

I jump up before she can swat my ass and run off so the dog follows me. He's jumpin' and yippin' at me and wants me to throw him his Frisbee.

I love this dog, he can catch a Frisbee like nobody's business. So I tell him to go long and he looks at me like I'm a nut, but I know better, 'cause he fuckin' takes off like a shot and runs a football field's length. I whip that fuckin' thing and as soon as it gets above his head he stops runnin' and makes a picture perfect leap, snatchin' the flyin' disc out of mid-air and makin' a perfect landin' on the ground.

Everyone's clappin' and Xander's sayin' "Nice arm, slick."

Satsu gets up and says, "I can do better than that." She steps away from the blanket she and Will just laid down and bends down to Ripper who drops the Frisbee at her feet.

Leah heard about Giles' nickname bein' Ripper and used it for the dog. Joey loves the name, he thinks it's cool. Giles was actually flattered.

"Go long, boy!" Satsu shouts and Ripper takes off like he did before. Only she doesn't throw it when I did, she lets him run further out. I'm about to tell her no, when she lets the Frisbee go and it burns down the field and to its destination. I start takin' off even before Ripper's up in the air.

Out of instinct, Satsu starts runnin', too. We hear the splash about three seconds after Ripper catches the Frisbee and drops out of view; Satsu yells out. "Oh fuck, no!"

In the distance behind us, I can hear a few gasps and "Oh, god's."

I also hear Buffy say, "Don't worry, Lee. Faith's got it."

Satsu speeds up and overtakes me as we get to the edge of the lake. She didn't realize this embankment dropped off into the water, or else she wouldn't have thrown the Frisbee like that. And the bad thing for Ripper is, this side has a huge wall. He'd have to swim way too far over to the other side to get back up on land.

As soon as Satsu gets to the edge she swan dives right into the water and lands near Ripper who's doin' a mean doggy paddle. He's still got the fuckin' Frisbee in mouth. That cracks me up.

Satsu grabs onto him and swims to a part of the wall that I direct her to, it's got some rocks she can climb up on.

I see a couple of beat cops runnin' up as she's climbin' up the wall. They're yellin' to her, "Miss, hey, Miss, you can't swim in that water. Miss!"

I tell them she was just tryin' to rescue the dog and they tell me to tell her to be more careful. There could be all kindsa things in the water apparently.

When she's near the top I hold out my hand for her to grab onto, I pull her up the rest of the way. When she's eye level, I give her my best shit eatin' grin.

"You set me up?" She asks hurt.

"Not at all, but why you gotta try to show me up all the time?"

I pull her up the rest of the way and set them on the ground.

Satsu's exhausted, so she splays out on the grass tryin' to catch her breath. I think she's more scared then tired from the run, but she really did fuckin' turn on the jets once she realized he had gone into the water. It was awesome to watch. Ripper lays the Frisbee by her hand and barks at her. He wants to do that shit again, I guess he thought it was fun.

"No, boy! No more splashies, ok?" I tell him. "Should I carry you?" I look at Satsu with a smirk on my face.

She groans and rolls over then gets to her feet, lookin' like a drowned rat. She bends down and picks Ripper up and we make our way silently back to the blankets.

"There's my girl." Will says cheerily. "Did you have a nice dip?"

"Willow…" Satsu whines.

There are some chuckles from various people, but no one says a thing. They're really stunned that Satsu did something like that, 'cause usually she's calm, reserved and level headed.

I guess I've been ownin' her a lot on the mission lately and she was tryin' to get even or somethin'.

She shouldn't feel that way though. I don't get competitive about missions anymore, I just want to get them over with. Get in, get out, get back home.

Will chuckles at Satsu as she approaches her and gives her a kiss to the cheek. "Can't stay dry, can ya?"

Satsu wiggles her brows, "Not when you like me wet."

Xander coughs, "Uh, children present!"

"Yeah, and Joey and Mia, too." I grin at him and take my seat next to Buffy. She pulls me back so my head is restin' in her lap, and Mia comes and sits on my stomach, I raise my legs so she has somethin' to rest back against.

Will quietly and quickly performs a spell to dry Satsu and Ripper off, if you didn't see the rustlin' of their hair and Satsu's clothes you wouldn't notice anything was up.

Satsu finally lets Ripper down and he runs up to Joey, lickin' his face and tuggin' at his shirt. He still wants to play.

Buffy's watchin' them and a smile is bloomin' on her face.

I tilt my head back and watch her. Fuck, my heart still skips beats when I look at her. Mia's chattin' away about somethin' and then realizes she's not bein' heard.

"Ma!"

My fuckin' heart sinks like a stone and I get goose bumps. That sounded just like me when I was a kid. 'Cept I usually would be runnin' away and yellin' that, not sittin' with a look of indignation on my face until I was paid attention to.

"What?" Buffy asks.

"You didn't listen!"

"I'm sorry, sweety, what did you say?"

"I said…"

"Since when does she call you 'Ma'?" I cut Mia off and receive a pout for my troubles.

"For like a month now," Buffy shrugs. "I didn't even really notice it. I guess it's just shorter for her."

I don't know why the fact that Mia's usin' that name for Buffy is so significant to me. Why it means so much.

There's millions of kids all over the country callin' their mother's Ma, millions all over the world. My cousins call my Aunt 'Ma', my Aunt and Uncles called Gee Gee 'Ma'. I called my mother 'Ma'. But I never thought Mia would call either of us that, I dreaded it without even really realizin' it, and now it's like a weight's been lifted.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"I asked if it was ok that she called me that."

"It's fine, just curious is all." I look back up into Buffy's eyes and she understands. "It's perfectly fine."

She smiles down at me and leans down to give me a kiss.

Mia and Joey make kissy noises. That makes me laugh.

Dawn gets up and takes both their hands, leadin' them away from the blankets and goin' out to play with Ripper. "Let's leave the love birds alone, shall we?" She sounded like Giles there.

"You're just jealous, Little G."

As I lay here, I look around and take stock. The words 'full circle' come to mind. They've been kinda in my head off and on since Mia was born.

I've come a long way since first goin' out to Sunnydale. As a matter of fact, everyone's come into their own, and faster than we all could have hoped.

Satsu and Will got together about a year after Kennedy died, they're havin' their first kid, a boy, any day now. Xander's still content to play the field. He thinks maybe he'll be like Charlie Chaplin and have kids when he's 70. I pointed out that old Chuckles had at least three kids while he was still young, but Xander just smirked and said somethin' like, 'How do you know I don't?', to which Willow replied, 'They'd be hangin' off your arms and on your back wherever you went.' It's true, if he ever knew he had a kid, he wouldn't just abandon it and move on to the next woman. He'd rather lose his other eye.

Dawnie's moved to New York permanently, which is a real fuckin' help with me bein' gone a lot lately. She's also not with anyone at the moment, but we suspect that there's this really cute guy she's been shackin' up with, 'cause whenever Leah mentions the name 'Kevin', who's a teacher at her school, Dawn gets this smile on her face that makes me wanna make kissy noises. But god forbid I kid her about somethin', she'd get all vengeful and send me on a mission that I couldn't come back from.

Giles is more or less retired, he's tourin' the world currently, livin' out his dream of explorin' everything and takin' notes and pictures and sendin' us postcards from the most obscure places. And every once in a while, B or I will get a call to go pick up a girl who didn't know she was a slayer until Giles found her beatin' the shit outta somethin' much bigger than herself.

Alicia's been the biggest addition to the family, besides Mia and therapy, that's helped to relieve all my hang ups from childhood. I learned to trust her and learn from her. All her knowledge of vamps and demons has proved to be a huge asset to us in the field, and she's been the biggest reason why Giles can relax when he's out on his excursions. He knows we're in good hands.

I even found out what her connection to my first watcher was, and it didn't really surprise me, given the fact that she looked a lot like my grandmother as a younger woman. They were together for a while, before Emily became my watcher. At first when I found that out I was kinda devastated, not only that I felt responsible for her death, but that Alicia fell in love with someone who wasn't my grandmother. But I understood. She didn't want to upset Gee Gee's life, and she still was able to be involved in it, by lookin' after me.

I owe her a lot.

Speakin' of someone who I owe a lot to, Buffy hands me a sandwich and laughs as my stomach growls loudly. She's such a brat.

But a brat that I would walk the ends of the earth for.

We've been connected for almost thirteen years now, a couple for almost six, and we still surprise, love and frustrate each other like we just got together. And to give you a little insight into the frustratin' part, last year was her year to work, and she had to go underground without a word for a week. Well, a week turned into two, turned into three, and by the fourth I was screamin' in Andy's face so much he started havin' nightmares that I was that mother alien from Aliens and he was Sigourney Weaver. Have I mentioned he's a fuckin' nut? Now, Buffy knew what she was doin' but that didn't mean that I didn't nut out on her when she got back. And that's why it's so important for me to come home each night, or mornin' or whenever I can, for at least a few hours, so they know I'm ok and that Mia doesn't wonder what happened to me.

This year, since it was my year to work, we decided to make a go at havin' another kid. We did it with the same spell as last time, only this time around we didn't speed it up, it took about a week for things to fully take shape, and it seems to have made a difference on how fast the baby's growin', 'cause it's not nearly as fast as the last time. She's about two months, and while she's bigger than a regular woman would be at two months, we know that's because B's not a regular woman.

She's a fuckin' goddess. And don't you think I don't let her know it.

Satsu's cellphone rings me out of my thoughts.

"Hello?" She looks at me when she hears who's on the line. "No. We're in the park. You said tonight. Why…no…I did that already…ok, ok. Andrew, how many times do I have to say ok?" She waits a beat, "Ok."

I chuckle and shake my head. She cracks me up.

Willow sighs and looks away as Satsu presses end and puts the phone back in her pocket. I sit up and wait for what I know is comin'.

"He wants us there in an hour."

Xander's already gettin' up and checkin' his PDA. "I thought we'd have more time."

I shrug, "What's new?"

"But, Faith! You promised!" I look over at a pissed off Joey. "You said we'd go on the swings after we eat."

"And we will, you're finished, aren't you?" I say gettin' up from my comfortable position, shovin' the rest of the sandwich in my mouth. Buffy tosses me a bottled water and I skull half of it as Joey jumps on my back.

"I'll head back now," Xand says. "Buy you guys a few extra minutes."

"Thanks, man." I pat him on the back.

"No, problem." He walks off all business like and then breaks into a Charlie Chaplin walk. Everyone laughs.

"Where's Poppy goin'?" Mia asks, as she sees me and Joey gettin' ready to go.

"C'mon, Mimi. Swings, baby. Let's go."

She gets up and runs to my side, pullin' on my arm and usin' my leg to help her climb up my side. I toss the bottle of water back onto the blanket and grab onto her, settlin' her into a comfortable position, and makin' sure Joey's secure on my shoulders.

Rippers runnin' and jumpin' every few minutes as we make our way down to the playground.

"Look, there goes the pied piper." Willow laughs.

It makes me smile.

Me. The tough assed, bitch, slut from Southie, who'd sooner kill you then look at you, who's so stupid she doesn't know what an Achilles Heel is.

Yeah right.

*****

I feel a presence even before I hear any footsteps.

"Hey," My heart does that flip thing I was talkin' about earlier.

"Hey."

"Ma!" Mia yells as her and Joey are bein' pushed on the swings by me. "Look, I can point my toes towards the sky!"

"Faith won't let us jump off 'em, though."

"Good, you shouldn't be jumping off of them." Buffy says as she stands behind me and hugs me from the back.

"Sorry, B."

"I know, things come up," She sighs. "But I'm glad you came even for a little while."

"Me too." I look up into the sky and the clear, piercin' blue takes my breath away and breaks my heart just a little. Everything pure does that to me. For the first few months we had Mia, I was always on the verge of tears every time I looked at her, heard her cries or even thought of her.

I have a feelin' this mission might be my last, but I don't tell Buffy anything about that. We never speak of those kinda feelin's to each other, not even how close we've come to death when we're out there. That's somethin' for another day. Another time and place.

I just live right here, in this moment and thank fuck for my family and destiny.

They're what brought me here, and made me who I am.

A tough assed mother fucker, with a hot woman, awesome kid, another one on the way, and a great family and friends.

And don't you forget it. 'Cause I never do.


End file.
